I feel like Spidey himself knows like twelve people that could pretend to be She-Hulk; shouldn't be a surprise.

I don't know if I see old She-Hulk issues very often, but I need to keep my eye out for issues guest-starring Spider-Man, since I think he still pretty consistently gets on her nerves. There's a fun (and mean!) bit in Heroes Reborn: the Return with them, and we saw a bit of slapstick with them guest-starring in Howard the Duck, but we've got one on Spidey's side today: from 1990, Spectacular Spider-Man #168, "Sleeping Dogs" Written by Gerry Conway, art by Sal Buscema.

Spidey is swinging along, minding his own business, when he gets a shout from She-Hulk, who says the Avengers had been trying to reach him for days, so come on. (There's also some techy narration, that knows Spidey's secret identity.) She leads Spidey to a crumbling tenement, recently purchased by Wilson Fisk, which has a weird, sealed-off hole in the basement, with a dedication plaque indicating it had been sealed since 1890. The two struggle to open it, like it was heavier than it seemed...or didn't want to open; and She-Hulk implores Spidey to go in while she holds it, then open the chest he finds there. Which he does, despite his Spider-sense going off, and releases a black cloud, that looks a lot like a Venom symbiote but I don't think is. She-Hulk thanks him, then lets go, trapping him!

Four pages of subplots (and some ads!) follow, to build up the suspense: Mary Jane has a lunch with Joy Mercado, because she needs to talk to someone, about the creepy guy hounding her, a plotline with a few more issues in it. And in his civilian identity of Thomas Fireheart, Puma ponders what he was doing with his life: he had bought the Daily Bugle and was rehabilitating Spidey's image with it, to pay him back as a matter of honor; but was he really honorable? Couple more issues for the answer there, too. Meanwhile, Spidey does the old traditional rally-to-lift-the-big-heavy-thing to get out, then goes to Avengers Mansion, to slug She-Hulk! Who has no idea what Spidey's on about, and the other Avengers confirm, she had been there all afternoon! Spidey seems put out there, like sure, take her side, and splits; leaving the Avengers concerned something bigger might be up; and it is, as the Space Phantom reports to his boss, while working his own plan as well. Spidey returns home, where MJ throws herself in his arms, seemingly worried about another man: it wasn't like that, but the aforementioned creep who seemed positive MJ would be his. Nah; their marriage was pretty solid in that run. Read more!

"Investing."

I tend to take a pretty dim view of investing, and to Angel's credit, he's probably doing it wrong by modern standards; which would probably do something even more horrible than Satana could guess. I think Angel's looking at the bar as a project he could fart around with; while Sat has got the place comfortable, or at least good enough. I had to look it up, since Satana's been in these strips for over ten years (!) and in our continuity, she said she used to live in a deconsecrated church, which everyone seems to think meant she lived in a crypt. So, the bar is probably luxurious compared to those, and it's mostly so she can drink without seeming like she's drinking abusively. (She would be drinking the same either place, but drink like that in a crypt and everybody gets all judgey...)

Also, Kurt carrying Longshot; they only fell out of the shot like four times! I did a fireman's carry with some of McFarlane's Call of Duty guys some time back, but I think this one's better.

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Three great Legionnaires back here, and one xenophobic jerk.

I wasn't reading the book at the time, but if I'd known Tellus, Gates, and Quislet were here, I'd have been in! From 2011, Legion of Super-Heroes #13, "False Hopes" Written by Paul Levitz, pencils by Yıldıray Çınar, inks by Jonathan Glapion.

The appearance of those three is probably on purpose, to contrast with the isolationist and probably xenophobic "Earth-Man," who was new: he had power-duplication, and those sideburns might have been a power as well. Most of the Legion here is fighting the Legion of Super-Villains, who seem to be moving their plan along. Saturn Queen had read Earth-Man's mind, and sends Hunter (who had no powers to be stolen) to make him an offer: back the LSV when the time comes, and he'd be given earth, to "cleanse it any way you want." I think you're supposed to expect Earth-Man to make a face-turn, and become a hero; but I don't trust him at all.

Back on earth, Mon-El was using a Green Lantern power ring, to communicate with other Legionnaires and co-ordinate against the LSV, who are teleported away by Zymyr. (I forget what kind of alien he was, but he was an oddball...) I don't know if the law banning GL's from earth had been rescinded, either. And Dream Girl visits Star Boy, who was having some energy/multiverse thing going; but Dreamy might have foreseen something happening...This feels like a quick chapter of a longer serial, but not bad.

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For some reason, I thought this was going to be the Hulk vs. the Klan.

Even putting aside the dramatic flames and creepy culty types, "They fan the flames of fear!" is a heck of a tagline. So, I was kind of surprised to find I knew where this was headed instead. From 1979, Incredible Hulk #240, "...and now, El Dorado" Written by Roger Stern, pencils by Sal Buscema, inks by Joe Sinnott.

We saw Hulk #243 some time back, and this was building up to that; as a mysterious 'They' has arranged for the Hulk and his currently-unconscious, unwilling sidekick Goldbug, to arrive at the mystical city of El Dorado. The locals are surprisingly enthusiastic to see him, since they think the Hulk is there to save them; but the Hulk knows this is some kind of trap, and is losing patience waiting for it to go off.

Meanwhile, back at Gamma Base, a pilot makes a showboat of a landing in a "delta-wing" fighter, vaguely resembling a Canadian Avro Arrow. Clay Quatermain surprised to find, the pilot was the returning Betty Ross! Formerly Talbot; her divorce had gone through; and she seemed to be thriving. It's not surprising she picked up a few things growing up on an Air Force base, but she seems to have the run of the place even if daddy wasn't home: "Thunderbolt" Ross had an outburst in front of the press, and was currently under Doc Samson's care somewhere in the Rockies. Betty is somewhat at a loss, but a message arrives for her from writer Fred Sloan, who hoped to interview her for his book about the Hulk.

Back in El Dorado, the Hulk eats a massive dinner, before "They" arrive, the High Triumvirate of El Dorado. The eldest, Des, is somehow familiar to the Hulk; and the geezer guesses correctly that the Hulk wouldn't just smash an old guy. Which leaves the Hulk open to Des's gambit: with a "sight-crystal," he shows the Hulk Gamma Base, where the body of Jarella was still in a lab. Hulk calls that a lie, but knows it isn't; and Des presses on: the scientists and soldiers had her body, and could do whatever they wanted with it, and the Hulk couldn't stop them. Furious, the Hulk smashes his way outside, but in the rain can still hear Des taunting him: he didn't know where he was, or how to get back, and was absolutely helpless in this situation. This triggers something I didn't think happened until much later in the series: to flee this pain he couldn't fight, the Hulk reverts to Banner. Des does not seem surprised by this, but rather disgusted.

The next day, Banner gets some exposition from They: Des was new to the group, the other two had fought the Avengers back in Avengers #30-31. The sacred flame of El Dorado had been snuffed there, but was being rekindled--and Banner was going to be fuel for the flame! Man, I can't believe this plotline was going to run like three more issues; and the next issue box teases "The surprise return of the Hulk's oldest foe!" but that might be chronologically, not by appearances! No spoiler here, but 'Des' was not what he appeared to be... Read more!

Soy un perdedor, he's a Loser, baby, so why don't--no, stop that!

Honestly, I always misheard that lyric as "Soooo...from head to toe, I'm a loser baby..." But, a classic Loser guest-stars today: from 1980, Unknown Soldier #244, "The Sub That Would Not Die!" Written by Bob Haney, pencils by Dick Ayers, inks by Gerry Talaoc.

The bandage-faced Unknown Soldier was in the Pacific Theatre, teaming up with the Losers' PT boat commander, Captain Storm; to try and sink the Japanese "Ghost Sub," which was chewing up American convoys, and seemed able to elude both torpedoes and sonar. Storm works with an old friend, sub captain Wally Edgecomb, to set up a pincer ambush, while the Soldier checks out the islands, looking for a spotter. Somewhat predictably, their first attempt fails miserably, as the Ghost Sub sees all the angles, almost like it was tipped off somehow...not by the parrot, as I first guessed, but it's not a red herring!

Also this issue: bomber short "Big Daddy" with Tom Yeates art; and a Dateline: Frontline story, "Homefront" Written by Cary Burkett, art by Ric Estrada. In the latter, a war correspondent is called back stateside, where he soon meets a young woman gung-ho to get overseas and serve, and he changes his tune to try and talk her out of it. That's it for another week; have a good weekend! Read more!

From 1978, Kamandi #58, "Enter the Legionnaire!" Written by Jack C. Harris (with a thanks to Bob Rozakis), pencils by Dick Ayers, inks by Danny Bulanadi.

This was--perhaps not intentionally, or planned--the second-to-last issue for Kamandi, and this issue was a crossover with Karate Kid, which, like so many DC titles was being cancelled but still had to crossover anyway. (Usually, crossovers are meant to bring in readers, but counterintuitively, DC seems to have a lot of last issues trying to wrap up a series while also fulfilling some tie-in mandate.) The Legion of Super-Heroes Karate Kid, Val Armorr, had been trapped in the 20th century for some time; but he and his friend Iris Jacobs, aka 'Diamondeth,' are in the wrong future today, that of Kamandi and the world after the "Great Disaster." After a brief scuffle, Val and Kamandi have to team up, to try and free themselves from being trapped in movies, by lobster-men. Which is just the sort of thing that happened, in Kamandi's world!

With the help of Mylock Bloodstalker (and his faithful assistant Doile) the heroes manage to get free, by putting on a poor show until the lobster-men demand them replaced. They are all then picked up by the rest of Kamandi's supporting cast, in the alien Pyra's ship. Pyra explains to Val, while she had managed to turn Diamondeth back to human briefly, she had kind of freaked about the talking animals and aliens, and turned back; and now Pyra only had enough energy left to either return them to their own timeline, or turn Diamondeth back again. Somewhat surprisingly, Val opts to return, hoping the 30th Century might have a cure or treatment for Diamondeth. The Time Lord and Major Disaster, baddies from the Karate Kid series, watch over monitors as their foe eludes them, returning to his future. Iris/Diamondeth's story wasn't done: she would appear in Brave and the Bold #198, of all places; but she may have been in for some disappointment: she had maybe thought Val came back for her, but he was just inviting her to his wedding, to Princess Projectra. (Because I read the Legion mostly as digest reprints, before the start of the reprints of the Baxter series, I don't think I read any with Karate Kid until just before his death, in LOSH #4.)

Pyra and the others--she was kind of ramrodding things here, since she was trying to save her own people--push on towards "the Vortex--the power source of the Great Disaster that almost destroyed the earth," only to find "the Wondrous Western Wall," which seemed to stretch on forever, and seems like a really Kirby bit even if he had left a ways back. The next issue blurb for #59 also teases the return of OMAC, but does it in a way that makes it seem like he would be part of the storyline, not just a back-up feature! Read more!

"After."

I have a vague notion of remodeling the bar set one of these years--we've been using it mostly as it stands since 'Stalling,' March 2021. Just a question of time, which seems to be at a premium of late. 

I might have mentioned before, I'm not a huge Angel fan, but there's a brief scene somewhere in I think Joe Casey's run, where he's trying to do some business over the phone, and Iceman, of all people, calls him out on it: there's no way he could run whatever the hell his business was over the phone, just shouting instructions ever so often. I had to read a lot of Warren's wiki, to try and remember the name of his company, "Worthington Industries," although, again, what do they actually do? It might vary, but I think usually he's got so much cash, diversified through so many things, that he couldn't possibly keep track of it all, and for the most part doesn't.

Also, I'm 70% sure I've had Hennessey at some point in my life--wait, it's probably more likely than that; the Humpty Dance alone would've got me to try it. Can't recollect what it tasted like, though.  

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"Morgan's Quest" continues, sidequest by sidequest, in today's book: from 1986, Warlord #111, "Terror of the Inland Sea" Written by Michael Fleisher, art by Ron Randall.

An off-note from the start: Morgan calls Shakira "youngster" in conversation, which is weird and off-putting: white hair notwithstanding, Morgan wasn't necessarily old, and Shakira was mysterious as hell and may very well have been far older than him. It's also just a weird thing to call someone, right? Still, Morgan and Shakira are on the verge of making some headway this issue: they got flying jet-belts the previous month, and were gaining back some ground. The belts immediately go out, and they're dumped into the water, presumably the inland sea mentioned, where Shakira is immediately grabbed by fish-dudes. Morgan is unable to save her or fight his way to the surface, and blacks out. He wakes up in the underwater city of Arscana, which had been founded by escaped Atlantean slaves, was protected by a force-field that might've shorted out their jet-belts, and is a completely different underwater city than the one Shakira was taken to, Balskrak. Morgan has to fight his way out, since the Arscanans thought he might have Atlantean ties and rat them out; which could be a subtle continuity nod: his helmet was old-school Atlantean.

Meanwhile, Shakira is going to be sacrificed to the Balskraks' monster, Kraarg; but escapes...to the harem, where she is scheduled to be turned into a water-breather. Travis steals an underwater sled, but is immediately captured when he gets there, and he's going to be the sacrifice. Still, as a man he had least had the opportunity to defend himself against the giant crabby thing, which he does, killing it in two-and-a-half pages. Shakira helps him escape, and although they have to share their single mini-aqualung thing, they get out of there fairly easily. I know they would be sidetracked again soon enough, since the quest ran until #116, but #112 had a Mike Grell cover that didn't hint at what specifically was next.

There is some movement on another front, though: Machiste and Mariah finally finish their quest, as Machiste kills the hell out of the attempted usurper to his throne. (Brutal gutpunch from his mace hand, then Machiste throws the guy out a pretty high window.) In the panel above, he mentions being "sick and tired of hearing about how much you miss Morgan, Mariah!" and I can't tell if that was a hint that their relationship was going south, or a nod to the somewhat repetitive situations they found themselves stuck in. Mariah was from the surface world as well, though; she probably should've had a sidearm like Morgan...Anyway, I'm writing this on a very hot day in 2018, so I hope we're all around when this posts!
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Like Reading Rainbow, if the host was lazier and way more potty-mouthed.

I swear I did other stuff on vacation besides read...um, wait, it'll come back to me...I sat in a lake a bit? No, I used to read a ton, but have fallen off, partly because books can be expensive, and partly because at home I spent too much time dicking about on the computer or with action figures. Really quick: Neal Stephenson's Seveneves is undoubtedly the longest of the pile, and I thought would take forever, but it reads like butter. Really good, although I feel like the second half, after a big time jump, could've got a few more pages. Miss Morgan's Book Brigade might not seem like my usual reading fare, but it was written by a high school friend; and was damn good! In World War I, a librarian goes to France, and among other things, changes the way the whole country would see libraries. (Something we could use in this country again; we're kinda takin' libraries for granted! I oughta use mine more, but I like hording books...)

I had to stop midway through this, to put in my DVD of John Dies at the End, but it's on PlutoTV as well. I had read What The Hell Did I Just Read a couple months ago, and have to pick up Jason Pargin's other two books in that series. Ursula K. Le Guin's the Lathe of Heaven might seem old hat with the alternate realities/timelines, but did it first, with a common theme: probably anything you're interested in changing, will have a domino effect of other, unexpected changes. Chainsaw Man is a relatively recent manga, and I picked up the first volume free when I got Lupin III World's Most Wanted. The Lupin one had a different cover than I see online, and reads rather like Spy vs. Spy: not a lot of continuity. Still, I liked Chainsaw Man enough to buy the next volume, and his action figure!

My microwave died, so I had to get a new one yesterday, but I did find the McFarlane Ambush Bug (and Cheeks!) while out! And I'll probably kick myself later for paying close to full price for the WWE Lucha Low Rider, but I'm kind of supporting them in the hopes of getting an in-scale panel van one of these years.

  Tool of the Trade isn't my favorite Joe Haldeman, but it wasn't bad; and Quarry's Climax from Max Allan Collins is a violent, fun read as well; but more later.

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I needed an easy one to wrap up the week, and this might be it: from 1989, Punisher #19, "The Spider" Written by Mike Baron, pencils by Larry Stroman, inks by Randy Emberlin.

This might seem a little low-stakes, but Frank was building up some cash by offering heroin at cut-rate prices to local dealers, to lure them out and murder them. A chance encounter spirals out of control: one of his neighbors nearly chokes to death, and Frank saves her with the Heimlich, but she comes back to thank him at an inopportune time, and is killed by Aussie dealer 'Spider' Roque, leaving an orphan. Frank isn't about to let that slide, and follows the fleeing Roque back to Sydney; where he makes contact with a local to pick up some guns, with them using the fake names "Eastman" and "Laird." I don't know if Sydney is (or was) as grotty as Stroman makes it look there, though.

Following Roque into the outback, even Frank appears to be skeeved out by the horrible, horrible wildlife in Australia; but it comes in handy in the end. Returning home, Frank pivots from attempting to save a veterans' home, to getting the orphan into a good one. This felt like a situation Frank would get into every so often, where he'd be looking down the barrel of a gun, but could still reliably count on greed getting him out of it, like "Wait! I've got cash" had saved his ass as often as a ballistic knife or hold-out pistol. OK, sometimes in conjunction with those, but still. Read more!

Hopefully, no twist endings today--aw, damnit!

I honestly thought I had posted more of these: from 1988, Time Twisters #8, cover by Richard Larson and Sam de la Rosa.

This of course was Quality's book reprinting mostly short "Tharg's Future Shocks" from 2000 AD, opening with Alan Moore and Mike White's "Eureka!" An exploration craft in search of aliens, maybe too late realizes, what if an alien is just an idea? And what if everyone has the same idea...Next, P.E.S.T. agent Joe Black risks life and limb on an alien planet, but comes out of it with replicator technology. It couldn't make heavy elements, and Joe sees the downside of counterfeiting, but he does find at least one good thing to use it for. ("Horn of Plenty!" Written by Kelvin Gosnell, pencils by John Higgins.)

I had guessed Peter Milligan at first glance, but it was Grant Morrison! In "the Invisible Etchings of Salvador Dali" a lunatic has come to terms with the insane nightmare he lives in, but he might be the hero the world needs after the detonation of a "reality bomb." (Art by John Hicklenton.) Then, some nice facial expression work doesn't quite sell "Now You See It..." followed by another Alan Moore story, with art by Mike White: a Flash Gordon spoof, "The Regrettable Ruse of Rocket Redglare!" (I feel like 2000 AD took the piss out of Flash more than once that I've seen, and I haven't read every prog, so they could've more than that!)

One more from Alan, this time with Dave Gibbons, as aliens from space invade in "Skirmish!" If you're old enough, you'll almost be able to hear that one. Close out the issue with some role-reversal in "Nigel Goes A-Hunting!" and a Judge Dredd one-pager. ("Nigel" written by Alan Grant, art by Jesús Redondo; "Tales from Mega-City One" written by John Wagner and Alan Grant, art by David Wyatt.)

It's once again my birthday, and we've made it through another horrible year of twist endings: we can make it through some more. See you then! Read more!