Yeah, try your 'gender inspection' on Val, see what that gets you.

Huh, another book with Daimon Hellstrom, I wonder if that means anything? From 1983, Defenders #120, "Sanctuary!" Written by J. M. DeMatteis, pencils by Don Perlin, inks by Jack Abel, Kim DeMulder, and Andy Mushynsky.

The bulk of this issue is Daimon, the Son of Satan, in a really maudlin struggle for his identity at a monastery: his "darksoul" maybe wasn't in control anymore, but then, what was left of him without it or fighting it all the time. He was in love with Patsy Walker, Hellcat; and seemed to want a "normal" life; which I think we would see happen for them briefly later: either just long enough to enjoy it before it was taken away, or long enough to realize that wasn't them. At the monastery, Daimon befriends a mysterious new monk, who seems to have a strange power, trying to help him keep it under control. Unfortunately, the 'monk' remembers who he really was: the Miracle Man--not that one, although honestly, at this point he's got a better chance of making a comeback...Anyhow, Miracle Man steals the darksoul from Daimon. And the trident, although it doesn't look as great in green. I wasn't surprised he turned on Daimon, but that this was a two-parter, since Miracle Man was the definition of second-rate: I was thinking he would get got by Scourge next issue, but no, that was later in Thing #24.

Patsy keeps having dreams about Daimon, so she rallies the current Defenders available to help; after a scene in a gym with Beast and Valkyrie, where a meathead accosts her as a man, for the crime of being far stronger than him. Yeah, I'm sure that never happens nowadays... Read more!

Somehow, I'm used to these guys having a more antagonistic relationship than they do here: today, Lord Chaos and Master Order seem like Waldorf and Statler, settling in to watch another trainwreck of a show play out, maybe engage in a little light heckling. From 1993, the Warlock Chronicles #2, "Rescue" Written by Jim Starlin, pencils by Tom Raney, inks by Keith Williams.

I don't think I had this issue before, but we have blogged most of this limited already; and like most of the series, this was an Infinity Crusade crossover. The aforementioned Lord Chaos and Master Order (and I'm mildly dismayed I got that right first try and didn't use Lord Order/Master Chaos) are watching Adam Warlock, who is trying to ready himself to face his "good" feminine side, the Goddess. Warlock had also been ordered to divest himself of 5 of the 6 Infinity Gems, and gets a visit from Eternity, who isn't wild about his picks to get them. Gamora, sure, she's awesome; Drax and Pip and Moondragon, eh, they'd do, even Warlock keeping the Soul Gem was acceptable. But the protector of the Reality Gem...(No spoilers! It feels kind of obvious, but I don't think that cat would get out of the bag entirely for some time.)

Adam spends most of the rest of the issue tripping balls in a reality distortion; which c'mon, he oughta be used to, that's a Starlin fave! He crashes back into reality at Thanos's secret sanctuary; where the Mad Titan is like, geez, Adam, get off the floor, have some dignity...Thanos also recently had another visitor, the Goddess, who he pretty definitely already recognized; Adam confirms it without wasting time hemming or hawing or trying to cover his ass. Adam is teleported back to Monster Island, where the Infinity Watch...is not; while Thanos makes preparations, to get strapped for battle. (He was getting his Warhammer-esque battleship, Dreadnaught-666; and there's really the feeling that Thanos felt he had outgrown that sort of thing, like he thought it was cool when he was like 12 or something.) Read more!

"Pizza."

I have seen Jen wear little glasses before, haven't I? Amadeus is right, she probably wouldn't need those. And yes, we really only had this one chapter with the Totally Awesome Hulk left, before I pre-empted it for "Seasonal Affective D'spayre." I don't think I had a lot of jokes for Amadeus; but I'm sure Kate will be back at some point. Probably beat-up and broke, sure, but yeah. Read more!

Maybe it's because I personally have never lived near a swamp--well, OK, unless you consider all of America a swamp, sure--but I'm at best a casual Swamp Thing fan. Not even sure I have a proper Swampie action figure anywhere, which, gasp! And yet, I saw the movie in theatre as a kid, I have at least one set of DVD's from his older show, and the local shop put a bunch of old issues on the cheap spinner and of course I scooped them up. From 1974, Swamp Thing #13, "The Leviathan Conspiracy" Written by Len Wein, art by Nestor Redondo.

This was pre-Alan Moore, so at this point Swamp Thing still spent a lot of time trying to cure himself and return to being Alec Holland; and he begins this issue fighting three monsters that seemed have been mutated like he was. As he beats down Swamp Snake, Swamp Frog, and Swamp Gator; he considers a theory: there was something in the swamp itself, a chemical imbalance maybe, that affected those animals and changed him as well. (Or, at least facilitated his change.) Before he can follow that train of thought, he is immediately netted and covered with foam, by "Matt Cable and his merry men." Swamp Thing is taken to a military academy outside of Washington D.C, which neither Matt nor Abby Arcane are happy about: Abby already obviously feels sympathy for Swampy; while Matt is convinced he was a witness to the murders of Alec and Linda Holland, a case he was still working. But Matt was more of a stand-up guy than I was used to (at least at this point!) since I remember the G-man/army types chasing the Hulk, Man-Wolf, Morbius, etc. as just being dicks.

Swampy breaks out of his cage, but then Professor Degrez is caught in the crossfire by some overzealous guards and killed. Swampy is recaptured and put in a cage with more lasers. Cable goes in alone, to try to talk to the creature, which he knew had saved his life on multiple occasions. Alec is uncertain, not wanting to say anything and maybe give up the secrets of the bio-restorative formula, but if he kept quiet they'd figure it out from his corpse, so he breaks his silence and tells Cable his story. (I thought Swampy had been mute at that point!) Cable tells Abby, and together they bust Swamp Thing out; with a brief confrontation with another of Cable's men, Bolt: they let him in on the story as well, but otherwise make it look like a terrorist attack and ensuing fire had destroyed the swamp creature...

Later, the night after Professor Degrez's sparsely-attended funeral, Swamp Thing busts out of Degrez's coffin--wait, Degrez's body had been in there too, nobody noticed the coffin was well over 200 pounds heavier? Probably more than that? Well, we don't see who lugged it to the gravesite, so OK. Lurching through the cemetary, though, Swampy encounters the graves--or, at least, headstones--of Linda and himself. After feeling just hated-by-God miserable over that, he then considers, why was he going to meet up with Cable and the others? To drag them down with him? Nah. Back to the swamp, then...

Of course, you probably know things went way downhill for Matt Cable in Moore's run, then he would become Morpheus's Raven in Sandman. (Perhaps fittingly, I've read it, but it always falls out of my head like a dream; I think I'm surprised every time I see that!) Oh, and he's on the cover of Showcase #96, taking Negative Woman away from the then-new Doom Patrol! Read more!

So, a few years back, we took a look at an issue of the New Universe title Justice, and I spent most of the post bitching about time zones. I also advised against buying those from the quarter bins, as "They'll just hurt you in the end." Yeah, you see where this is going, but I swear I've got a good reason! Or a reason. Maybe marginally good? From 1987, Justice #10, "Hour of Corruption" Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Keith Giffen, inks by Vince Colletta.

At this point, the book seemed to be building up for a final battle in the other-dimensional Winterland, like King's the Dark Tower by way of Kirby's New Gods. Am I overselling it? Definitely, the book would absolutely whiff any potential it had. The bad guys, including corporate evil Damon Conquest, were preparing for their massive assault on "the justice-warriors of Spring," who were disorganized and demoralized, possibly because of their name. Damon reports to a bigger bad here, his dad; and had abducted and corrupted the hero's love interest, FBI agent Rebecca Chambers. Damon also makes a phone call to one of his agents on earth, casually talking through his hand, his cold breath seeming to come out the other end...a much stronger visual than this book deserved! Back on earth, Tensen, a.k.a. Justice, was still murdering drug-dealers here and there, but was largely depressed; since Rebecca was believed dead and he was being blamed for it.

Damon transports Justice to the desert, to face Klane, Black Justice; who has a real Fist of the North Star vibe to him, as does their fight. (Fist wasn't released stateside yet, although it had been running in Japan since 1983. Could Giffen have seen it and be riffing on that...?) It's a trap, though, intended for Justice to strike him down in anger, a violation of his code. Beaten in the desert, Justice is unable to do anything when Rebecca appears, at first intending to kill him, but deciding he wasn't worth it. Harvesting dark power from Justice's corruption, Damon lists off his evil plans to his dad, as the invasion draws nearer...

Yes, yes, yes, that's all well and good; but I was actually looking for Giffen's issues of Justice, because of a joke in a better book! From 1990, Secret Origins #48, featuring "The Secret Origin of Ambush Bug: We Thought Him Up!" Plot and pencils by "Keith Van Giffen," script by "Robert Louis Loren Stevenson Fleming," inks by "Bob the Louvre Lewis." Cover by Kevin Maguire and Al Gordon! This is a banger of an issue from late in that series, featuring a bit we saw in Blue Devil Annual #1: here's a whole bunch of 'secret' origins, not a one of them even remotely close to right. "This calls for a Giffen 'big-eye' panel!" is still a fun bit of him poking fun at himself; but Giffen had done layouts for Wally Wood: if we consider Wood's 22 Panels That Always Work!! is the big-eye panel a variation on 'extreme closeup,' or its own thing?  

For good measure, this issue also includes Phil Foglio on Stanley & His Monster, a few years before that mini-series, an extended Captain America riff for the origin of Rex the Wonder Dog, and the largely-forgotten western heroes the Trigger Twins. I had to double-check, since I was thinking it would be just like me to say something like 'largely-forgotten' and then find out the Trigger Twins had a book for like 14 years and a massive following in Paraguay or something: I mean, Rex the Wonder Dog used to be huge. The Trigger Twins, not so much. They were in a bunch of All-Star Western, and the name's been repurposed since.

Anyway, all of this, and there's only one proper "big-eye panel" in Justice #10. Feel like there were more in the previous issue...or maybe the next one? Giffen only did three total here, but I still feel like there is a Fist of the North Star influence.

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I feel like this was like the third, fourth time they tried a team with Daimon on it.

That might be because I'm the only one that remembers that Fantastic Four Annual with him, Margali Szardos, and "Mechamage." Here's hoping this issue's better! From 2011, Chaos War: God Squad #1, "Gods & Monsters" Written by Marc Sumerak, art by Dan Panosian.

This was from the Chaos War crossover, which seems absolutely dainty compared to War of the Realms, which appeared to have more crossovers in one month than the entirety of Chaos War! Here, the God Squad teams-up against Chaos King Amatsu-Mikaboshi, and I sadly don't know enough about Shinto mythology to say if this was based on something like Thor and Hercules were, or if he was made up whole-cloth. But, your 2011 God Squad starting line-up: along with Daimon Hellstrom, we get the Silver Surfer, Sersi, and Venus. The latter of whom points out, she wasn't a real god; which I can't remember if Venus was supposed to know or not: she's described as a "sea siren turned love goddess." But, as they journey to find any remaining gods of the far east, they are joined by a legit god: the Panther God of Wakanda! (What, no Khonshu? I don't think he was usually considered 'real' at that time like Thor and Hercules, but I didn't know the Panther God was.)

There are a few fun sound effects, but this isn't real essential, even for the crossover: I had to look up the Incredible Hercules, since I thought Chaos War predated it, but no.

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I'm not a big Cable guy, but this cover grabbed me: from 2001, Cable #96, "I Was Born About Ten Thousand Years Ago" Written by Robert Weinberg, pencils by Matthew Ryan, inks by Ted Pertzborn and Harry Candelario.

Cable looked older than dirt back when Liefeld drew him, didn't he? Then he maybe got a bit younger looking when Greg Capullo was on X-Force; and by this issue Cable looked like a strapping 23-year with a full head of white hair. Riding a motorcycle that looks like an Akira homage, Cable stops at a roadside diner that promises "the best sandwich in the world," served by a winsome young waitress. Surprisingly, the sandwich is damn good, and on the house; as the cook wants to arm-wrestle him. Said cook, Cole, is odd-looking, stout and thick; and Nate can tell he wasn't human. More surprisingly, he wasn't a mutant, either.

After losing the match, Cole admits he hadn't lost one recently, like the last three thousand years. He had a business proposition for Cable, already trusting him: Cole was a Neanderthal, born about 30,000 years ago. He had been a hunter, with a family, before he was abducted by Lemurian scientists, who used him and two other cavemen in an experiment to slow aging. While it worked, the scientists would never know, as right about then Lemuria sank: the three cavemen survived, although Cole went his separate ways since he never liked them. He never found his family, and quietly lived through history, although he did fight in both World Wars. Cole eventually moved out west for some peace and quiet, but the other two cavemen caught up to him and looted his treasure stash; and he needed some help to get it back. Of course Cable helps him out, maybe with a little lesson at the end. 

This was the last issue before a shake-up on the book: next month would be the start of Igor Kordej's run.

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"Expected."

We started "Seasonal Affective D'spayre" back in October; I don't think the despair has let up in the slightest, but here we are. Personally, I often wonder if I have depression, or just everything just suck? Like, I don't have depression, I've got late-stage capitalism.

Tony refers to the "get-along shirt" Gwen put him and Captain America in, in Gwenpool Strikes Back! #5: I thought he was more put-out about it, but he seemed to have a sense of humor about the whole thing, like enjoying seeing other people like the Hulk punched in the face. (Steve does not see the humor in any of Gwen's shenanigans there!) (Written by Leah Williams, art by David Baldeon, color art by Jesus Aburtov & Guru-eFX.) Gwenpool is crazy powerful that whole series, as well as a bit crazy because she thinks her story was coming to an end. Nope! You may notice, though, her figure doesn't have her usual phone, since I dropped it on the second shot and have yet to find it again... 

Next week, um, we conclude the She-Hulk/Hawkeye storyline from last September! Which I interrupted because I was more interested in the D'spayre one. But, H noticed something about Amadeus Cho, that will come up next week...

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