Random Happenstance

Off topic: Out of office.

This afternoon, I was trying to get ahold of my wife, because Anna Nicole died and she was a fan. Has all the DVD's of her dumb show and all. Couldn't get through for hours, but I figured it was just her phone, since it had dropped me a couple of times already that morning.

When I finally reached her, she was bawling. For a moment, I wondered how she had heard about it, but she was really crying. She had been at an assessment for our youngest son. It wasn't good. Not life-threatening, but not good. Like so bad that a diagnosis of autism would be a step up at this point. He still needs to have an MRI, but even best case he's looking at a ton of therapy, occupational, physical, speech.

I called and cancelled the wife's appointments for the afternoon, then called my folks, and she called her sisters. The youngest was beat from tests and therapy, and was taking a nap; while the oldest tried to understand and cheer us up. It was pretty much the darkest afternoon of my life. The wife's terrified that he's never going to talk or be normal or fall in love, he'll always just be that weird retard you see and think only his mom could love him. I've got that and I wonder if this poor kid will ever get to enjoy any of the crap I enjoyed, like cartoons and comics and games; or if he's going to be a giant baby, with us still feeding him and changing his diapers when he's 30.

When the youngest woke up, he had his milk and a bit of cereal he got out of the pantry himself. He won't or can't or doesn't need to ask, when he wants something he either gets it himself or screams. That sinking sensation that this may be as far as your child goes, that this might be his level; well, that feeling trumps out any sort of hope that this might be something he can work through, that it's not as bad as all that, that maybe the therapy will help. It doesn't seem very goddamn likely at this point, but maybe.

Enough. All I can do, is love my son, and help him be the best he can be. Even though my chest feels like a brick's in it, I can't give up on him yet. Not, "I can't because society frowns on giving up on children;" I mean, I just can't see this being the end for him. MRI, therapy, stem cells if it comes to that. Until it's over, it's not over.

Ahem. So, I'll be taking a day or two off from comics, sorry. Not long--I need the outlet, and thinking about what tools Iron Man and Green Arrow are, or how much cooler Blue Beetle is than Batman, or why Morbius is totally underrated; all of that is just the break I need to not explode, but to try again. In the meantime, check the sidebar: Two Guys Buying Comics is back today, I think, and there's lots of other good stuff there. Be back soon.