Random Happenstance

(Mostly) Off Topic: Attention: Sprint:

I'm going to be calm, and try to phrase this as gently as I possibly can: You can stop that goddamn commercial thirteen seconds in, because I did dream about space travel as a kid. I dreamed of rockets to Mars, seeing the outer edge of the solar system, and leaving this world far behind. I dreamed of exploration, of adventure, of wonder and possibility and hope.

I sure as goddamn hell didn't dream about a "magic box."

I don't care if it makes calls, plays music, holds pictures, performs laser eye surgery or microwaves food. Unless it's an old-school Star Trek communicator direct to the ship, or a Mother Box with access to a Boom Tube; in my eyes you have failed. (Strictly speaking, I don't think I knew about the Mother Box as a kid, but this is my tirade and doesn't have to make sense.)

I know huge advances have been made in my lifetime alone in the fields of communication, computing, and electronics; just like I know space exploration is hard, not very profitable, and far more dangerous. Sure, but I don't care. I want space, not a shinier, more expensive phone with a service I have to subscribe to forever.


The counter to my (extremely poorly reasoned) argument would be Warren Ellis, who capital-L loves his cellphone and information sharing doohickeys. Some critized his Iron Man run as being a paean to his phone, and for giving Tony Stark that 'futurist' tag: every jerkass thing Tony does from now on, is justified in that he's doing it in service of his vision of a science utopian future.

I tease a little, but I'm a fan of Ellis. Near the end of the first issue of Doktor Sleepless, the possibly-not-so-good Doktor makes a radio proclamation about how while this might not be the imagined future of moonbases and jetpacks; there are still huge innovations that everyone uses every day but were impossible to even conceive of before. I'm curious to see where he goes with this; and if you've liked Ellis before, give this one a try.

I'm still resentful of this ad, though. Imagine expecting an Xbox 360 for Christmas, waiting all year to get it, then opening up the package and getting a wooden duck on wheels. Then imagine being told how great it was, and all the incredible things you could do with a duck. Even if they were right, it would still be a disappointment. And I have possibly the oldest, cheapest, crappiest cell phone still active today. I use it about once a month, probably to ask my wife if she wanted a Life & Style or an InTouch magazine from the store. Don't try to sell me a new one, by implying it's better than being in space.

Panels from Doktor Sleepless #1, written by Warren Ellis, art by Ivan Rodriguez.