Friday, December 11, 2020

Faux-Stranger Danger! Space girlfriend relationship trouble! And Definitely-Legally-Distinct-From-Lobo!

Oh, god, I don't have a good feeling about this one: from 1995, Cosmic Powers Unlimited #3, featuring "God Help the Mister -- That Comes Between Me and My Sister" Written by Michael Gallagher and Gregory Wright, art by Sandu Florea, and John Buscema and Geof Isherwood; and "Cutting a Deal!" Written by Lovern Kindzierski, pencils by Daerick Gross, inks by Jim Royal and Chad Hunt. That first title was so bad I think my eyes didn't let me see it at first...
The bones for this one were laid around 1993, when Jack of Hearts visited the Silver Surfer, and got a much-less-distinctive/far-easier-to-draw costume then shacked up with space warrior nun-type Ganymede. Ganymede had thought she was the last of the Spinsterhood, an order of warriors dedicated to destroying the cosmic menace Tyrant; but she and Jack are surprised by the sudden arrival of another, Persephone. She feels like Gany has been slacking off, and should have no time for love; and has a new ally against Tyrant: the Stranger Jakar! Creepy Stranger lookalike/rival. With a cast of Tyrant's hand made from the imprint in his victims, Jakar wants to break into his vault and steal some doo-dads. Without any permission, he uses Jack as a distraction, leaving him to fight Tyrant's Autobots (hey!) while the Spinsters get the thingus. At which point, Jakar ditches them! Then Ganymede ditches Jack, since she can't leave her mission against Tyrant, and a furious Jack takes off to kick Tyrant's ass himself.
And we should take an intermission between the first and second parts, so you can go find Silver Surfer #109. No rush. Tyrant and Morg were seemingly slain there (or at least sucked into a hole or something) so now Jack thinks he could maybe have another shot with Ganymede. The Surfer is more concerned about that sketchy Jakar, and they go take away the "globe of knowledge" he had taken, which the Surfer destroys, even though Jack thinks he could've used it to find his girl. As is often the case, the Surfer is somewhat emotionless, while Jack storms off in a huff. Jack wouldn't appear the next two issues of this series, and this might've been the last appearance of Ganymede to date. Maybe Jack never found her again. Weird that she doesn't seem to have appeared in the background in a Guardians of the Galaxy book or anything.
Also this issue: Lunatik and his mouthy sidekick Skreet shop for a new ride. Instead of a smancy space hog-cycle like Lobo, he's taken with a "pan-galactic dog sled": we saw the 'dogs' with Quicksilver, years back! Lunatik is pleased with himself for beating a good price out of the sales manager, but Skreet points out he only bought the sled, she won the 'dogs' playing cards. Which the dogs were also playing. Did they lose themselves? Ah, I'm giving this too much thought.

1 comment:

  1. Ok, I know I have a dirty mind and all, but come the fuck on!!!! This comic's PACKED with double-entendres.

    First off Ganymede stealing from Red Sonja by declaring "No man may touch my staff!"
    More on why that's particular line's REALLY fucked up later.

    Then not-Stranger, Jakkar (Jacker as in jack off/jerk-off) claims he's not the Stranger but I'm willing to bet my left nut sack he really is, he just gets off on dying his hair black and trolling people. He's not fooling anyone.

    Speaking of nutsacks, "Globes of knowledge?" More like spaceballs, ammirite?

    HTF does make a plaster hand and mold from a bunch of victims? Weird as hell. Surprised famed super groupie and rock star dick-plasterer Pamela Des Barres didn't make an appearance for that one.

    Back to ol' Ganymede, named after the largest moon of Jupiter. Still a weird name if you ask me, but it gets weirder. According to Greek legend Ganymede was a boy, and so unusually pretty for a male mortal, that Zeus abducted him in the form of an eagle to serve as his royal cupbearer. More like boy toy rape victim, but yeah, "cup-bearer" sounds a lot more PC.

    Also, Gany could be a hermy.
    https://overwatch.fandom.com/wiki/Ganymede
    No wonder s(he) never showed back up ever again.

    Weird ass title too. I definitely agree there.

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