I'm sharing some scans with you, but that's it! This issue's mine, mine, mine!

That happens sometimes, and I'm almost surprised it doesn't happen more often; where I pick up a random comic to blog--in this case, just because it was on a nearby shelf--and then find part of the creative team is a dick I don't even wanna mention. On to another book, that I'm already looking at suspiciously! From 2013, Larfleeze #1, "The Extremely Large Dog on the Edge of Forever!" Plot and breakdowns by Keith Giffen, script by J.M. DeMatteis, art by Scott Kolins.

Far off in space, at the "Creation Point" where "matter becomes energy (and vice versa)" Larfleeze and his "conscripted butler" Pulsar Stargrave, have about 15 minutes left to live, before the charge runs out on his ring. Having destroyed all of his possessions, except Stargrave, Larfleeze didn't seem to feel he had anything to live for. Stargrave tries to talk him into maybe choosing life, which of course prompts a retelling of Larfleeze's life story...

Probably should be a content warning on this issue, since like Miracleman #9, it features graphic depiction of childbirth, namely Larfleeze's mom giving birth to him in a field; and hardly the "momentous occasion" he describes it as: he was the youngest of sixteen, possibly more, since his family had already sold a few. Then, his planet is invaded, Larfleeze was enslaved, then later forced to mate and sire several children; which Stargrave claims weren't mentioned the last time he was bored by--uh, heard, that story. As the story goes on, it gets to when Larfleeze stole "the Parallax Essence" and was pursued by the Manhunters; which would have been several billion years ago, and Larfleeze notes he was at least two million years old by that point: his race was "virtually immortal," which seems weird considering they seem to breed a lot. I suppose he's only immortal as long as nothing kills him? Despite being a completely unreliable narrator, the flashback pages have corners as in a scrapbook, like these are precious memories to hold on to. (Shakes fist, Homer Simpson-voice) Cherish them...

Eventually, Larfleeze stole the orange power battery; killing his partners in crime to keep it for himself. But, the story had to have taken over fifteen minutes--or felt like it, at any rate--so Stargrave realizes Larfleeze was now an organic battery. This revelation is interrupted by a colossal hound, that swallows Larfleeze. Larfleeze blows it up, but the hound's master, "the Laord of the Hunt" then arrives, wondering what happened to his dog. Still, this has given Larfleeze a new reason to live: to get new, more stuff! This series would only run like 12 issues and without looking I'm curious how many of those were crossovers...huh, maybe none? I wouldn't have bet on that. Larfleeze's mother shows up a few more times, at least as a hallucination, with the unfortunate name "Larfloozee," which is so Giffen and DeMatteis I can't stand it. Also, Pulsar Stargrave was an obscure Legion of Super-Heroes baddie, who looked far more robust in the 30th century: maybe he started a workout regimen between now and then.