That talk about dropping you to your death? Aw, that was just playful banter, baby!

I'm super-behind this week, but honestly, it usually takes me like two or three tries to blog a whole one of these, anyway. From 1964, Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen #77, "The Colossus of Metropolis!" Written by Leo Dorfman (probably), pencils by Curt Swan, inks by George Klein.

I know I was yelling 'Priorities!' at Supergirl the other day, but here we've got Superman putting a secret safe in for Jimmy, before investigating a time warp to the past. Still, Jimmy has a lot of crap that probably should be under lock and key; like the serums he used for temporary powers. He had recently been made an honorary Legionnaire, and Colossal Boy gave him some growth serum? Really? Somehow, that reminds me of a Smothers Brothers bit: "...no matter how many frequent flier miles you have, they don't upgrade you to 'pilot.'" Jimmy also has pictures--not like that, you pervs!--of the assorted girls he'd loved and lost (mostly lost) over the years, as well as of Lucy Lane, who is described as having brushed him off for years. But, he was meeting her later at the airport; where Lucy's plane lands and is greeted by...Titano? The giant ape with Kryptonite vision?

Ostensibly to prevent panic, but probably more to be the center of attention, Lucy tells the story of Titano's origin...which doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense, let's face facts. I could accept a irradiated test-monkey growing huge; that's an old standard; but how in Rao's name did it get Kryptonite-vision? Does it just radiate that all the time, or only when it sees Superman...? I know, I know: it's got Kryptonite vision so the story will last longer than two panels, but still. A pilot also questions how did Titano get back to the present, after Superman left it in dinosaur times; but no time for that now...or at all. Moving on! Titano grabs Lucy, because...she's kind-of close to Lois? I guess? And Superman gets dropped with the K-vision; so it's up to Jimmy to leap into action with his elastic fluid...I'm kidding, he puts on Colossal Boy's outfit, and takes the growth serum. Aside: I hate the old Colossal Boy outfit. Like, it's from 1960, and it looked dated then.

To his credit, Jimmy doesn't wade in and try to punch it out with Titano--he would die. Instead, he tries to trick the giant monkey, with a disturbing man-sized puppet from a barber shop. Unfortunately, Titano sees the barbers, and decides to imitate that, so we get the tableau of a giant ape shaving a giant Jimmy. I--just--give me a second...god, my head hurts. Next, a playful romp in the sea, some ringtoss with another huge advertising display, and the cops show up and knock Titano out with gas. Which gives Jimmy the chance to rescue Lucy from a high ledge, to be the hero...and he absolutely blows it by being a colossal dick. Superman is about to step in, but Jimmy says he was only joking. I know he was, and I absolutely understand the urge to throw Lucy into the stratosphere; but not okay. Even more weirdly, a spaceship shows up, with giant queen Allura, who just happened to be "passing your planet." Stalker! Also, back in the sixties, the phrase "giant queen" meant something different; she was a literal fifty-foot-tall space monarch from Jimmy Olsen #64. She wants Jimmy, and he's like hey, why not? Except the serum only had a temporary effect: that's embarrassing, but better she find out now than their wedding night. (Hey-o!)

Allura still helps out, though; putting on a wig to vaguely resemble a giant Lois Lane and lure Titano onto her ship. (He was friendly enough, just huge and destructive.) Jimmy gets shot down by Lucy, rather deservedly this time; and later Superman and Jimmy watch a feed of Titano, with a new ape girlfriend, under the twin suns of Allura's world. (Wait; on that cover, she said Jimmy would have super-powers under those suns...somehow. Would Titano have like, double-super-powers now?) Jimmy feels like Titano made a monkey out of him, as he is once again left to sugar his own churro. Que malo! I haven't even tried to read the rest of this issue yet, since I feel like this story gave me a concussion or psychic damage or something; like my brain is going to leak out of my nose.