If you've been waiting for a comic where Jonah Hex and Scalphunter murder Batman and Superman...what the hell is wrong with you?

This is a book I'd seen in the quarter bins a number of times, and been moderately curious about, but hadn't coughed up for it until recently. And...uh, it's pretty, anyway. From 2005, Superman/Batman #16, "Absolute Power, chapter three: When Time Goes Asunder..." Written by Jeph Loeb, pencils by Carlos Pacheco, inks by Jesús Merino.

The adult Legion of Super-Villains--Lightning Lord, Cosmic King, and Saturn Queen--are a continuity disaster just standing there; but they've gone a step further in this one, having altered the timeline so Superman and Batman were raised by them, and considered those three their parents! Although they had ruled the earth and crushed all opposition, now the timeline was going all weird, starting with Supes and Bats trapped in Kamandi's time. Kamandi tries to get "the Mighty One" to help, but this isn't the Superman of legend; and for good measure Batman gasses Tuftan when he tries to help; before Superman and Batman disappear again.

Next, in a version of New York City, Batman has been shot a few times, but Superman wants to get all of the culprits at once: a passel of DC's western heroes, including Bat Lash and El Diablo! Supes thinks he's got it all sewn up, until he catches a load of Kryptonite buckshot in the back from Jonah Hex. (Jonah seems to have intuitively determined, maybe use space rocks to kill a spaceman? Sure, it works, but...) Scalphunter assists with Batman, but as Supes and Bats die the timeline resets again; as they appear on Apokolips. Wait, that's earth's moon--this was earth! Damn him! He blew it all up--Anyway, Darkseid shows up, with a Kingdom Come-looking Superman, Metron, and a leashed Etrigan. They want the timeline reset the way it was, and Superman and Batman agree: Batman seems to think, they ruled before, they would rule again when it's all over. (For his part, Darkseid almost seems to admire the balls on the LSV; even if going big has shattered the timeline.) The heroes are sent back in time, to just before baby Kal-El arrived on earth; this time scaring off the Legion of Super-Villains, who retreat into the timestream. Superman is seemingly back to normal, albeit racked with guilt over those he killed in the other timeline.

They still have to reset Batman's origin though, by preventing Cosmic King from saving the Waynes from Joe Chill: instead, Batman leaps in, disarms Chill, then blows his brains out--and wipes himself from the timeline! Is this the end of Batman--nah, there's still two more issues in this plotline. This felt a little mean for my tastes: usually, it's more fun to see Kamandi, Hex, or Etrigan; but they do look good here.

I missed the first issue, but I loved Marvel's brief mid-80's Savage Tales--or, at least the issues I got; the serialized stories were uncermoniously dropped by #5, partly because of the sudden death of Will Jungkuntz. I wish Herb Trimpe's Skywarriors had continued, but of course the big hit was Doug Murray and Michael Golden's "5th to the 1st," which would get spun off into its own title, the 'Nam. I had the first issue, then probably read the black-and-white reprint magazine for a stretch; but it might've taken a guest-star to bring me back: from 1991, the 'Nam #52, "The Long Sticks" Written by Roger Salick, pencils by Mike Harris, inks by James (Jimmy!) Palmiotti.

This probably felt like a shameless cash-grab even at the time, because it kinda was a shameless cash-grab; but it was a shameless cash-grab almost everybody wanted, if that makes sense. I don't know that the Punisher was ever more popular than he was around 1991: checking Mike's, he had his regular book and War Journal that same month, along with the Prize one-shot and Return to Big Nothing in softcover. (The next issue, and probably most Marvel books that month, had the Punisher NES game ad on the back!) Fans were well-primed for a story about Frank's time in Vietnam; and there had been changes in editorial for the 'Nam that opened the door for him to appear there; which undercut the serious, realistic tone of the title probably more than a bit but had to boost sales a ton. That link mentions that Chuck Dixon had been commissioned to write a Frank Castle in Vietnam story; I don't know how Salick got there instead. It feels a little more action-movie dramatic than the book usually ran, though not entirely out of line; as sniper Sgt. Frank Castle is given an assignment, to take down N.V.A. sniper "the Monkey." Like a supervillain, the Monkey wears a monkey skull around his neck, giving him a little visual flair and setting him apart from other Vietnamese soldiers.

While not quite the Punisher yet, Frank was already an accomplished shooter, and manages to get close enough to kill the Monkey...'s double; a volunteer wearing a decoy monkey skull; which maybe makes that smarter than I gave it credit for! (That and in the next issue, Frank takes his skull motif and turns it up to 11.) Frank's back-up is killed and he is captured and locked in a cage in a cave. The Monkey gloats, his next target was the captain that started the sniper program and trained Frank. Frank refuses to let the Monkey come back and rub that in his face, so he tears up his uniform--and hangs himself in his cage! Like I said, dramatic; although I think the Viet Cong usually would've kept prisoners in cages too short for that to work. Even though Frank has five kills this issue, it still feels pretty straight; I'm kind of expecting a three-digit count the next issue. By the way, I love the cheeky little corner box on these two.

"Arrived."

I did watch Looper the other day, and that still holds up; but the loopers comment might be swiped from the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 version of "The Time Travelers."

I also dug around, and while I have other Cable's, this was the only other Bishop I had: the old, Toy Biz one! I really thought I had another, but I maybe didn't get the  last one from the Deadpool BAF Sauron wave.

The Goths here are like any Republican that isn't lily-white; wondering why they're not considered part of the in-group.

I confess to not being super-organized, but look, sometimes it feels like these weren't reprinted in a coherent manner, either. From 1989, Nemesis the Warlock #6, written by Pat Mills, art by Kevin O'Neill. Cover by Sam Kieth!

We actually saw part of this before, reprinted in color in Quality's Spellbinders #1. The GCD didn't give reprint credits for this black-and-white one, but "The Gothic Empire" started in 2000 AD #387: the Goths were at war with the Terminators (not those ones--oh, never mind) but couldn't fathom why. The Goths were maybe just as xenophobic as the Terminators, and thought they were figuratively, on the same team; at war against 'aliens.' Unfortunately, the Goths didn't quite realize, they were aliens! They had received early earth radio broadcasts, and patterned themselves after early 20th century Britain; so they were kind of patronizing, colonizing bastards too. They also had a Jack the Ripper-type problem, in the person of serial killer "the Phantom," who is really series big-bad Torquemada! His various deaths and returns, had left him forced to suck the life-force out of aliens to maintain himself.

Nemesis wants to convince the Goths' ruling "Ion Duke" that Termight was a threat to them; but the Duke refuses to listen, instead taking potshots at Nemesis's messenger/familiar, Grobbendonk. Despite the fact that the Goths' space navy was outgunned and outclassed by Termight; the Duke refuses to even acknowledge that as a possibility: partially their faux-Brit superiority complex, the rest poison poured into his ears by his daughter and his aide, who were plotting against him. They wanted to upgrade Goth society from early 20th century Britain to late, and were willing to side with Torquemada to get their way; even if Torquemada is ridiculously untrustworthy. Kinda feels like they wanted to believe him, more than him convincing them in any way. Nemesis is accused of the "Phantom" murders, and telepathically discovers the plot to murder Queen Victoria; so under psychic disguise he takes a train with his new companion, Ro-Jaws--unaware that Torquemada, in a new body, is on the same train! (I do like how Nemesis seems to immediately take to this weird, smelly little robot.) There's also an aside to Ro-Jaws's old teammate from the ABC Warriors, Hammerstein; who was now fighting for Termight, until his conscience makes him question orders and refuse to massacre innocents.

Hammerstein has a surprisingly long bibliography; not quite to the length of Dredd or Anderson, but I wonder if he hasn't made more appearances than say Strontium Dog or Rogue Trooper? I think he's made more than Nemesis; if someone would sit down and count, that'd be swell.

This one has kind of a striking cover--it got me from a spinner rack in the comic shop! Although I'm almost positive the cover was done first, then the story backfilled. From 1971, Flash #206, "24 Hours of Immortality!" Written by Robert Kanigher, pencils by Irv Novick, inks by Murphy Anderson.

Two people are on their own races against time here: single mom pilot Susan Logan is trying to get to the "Sky Devils Circus" to compete for a $50,000 prize, with which she plans to guarantee her son Timmy's college education. The kid is like six, and doesn't seem like a budding genius; there's probably other ways to do that besides killing yourself? Meanwhile, on the ground, neurosurgeon William Xandel and his wife Sylvia are on their way, for him to operate on a cancer researcher, that was working and put the operation off to the last minute. Susan's plane crashes into William's car, and Timmy and Sylvia are killed. Fortunately, there are some helpful...ish? aliens, who offer them the supreme test: they'll bring back Timmy and Sylvia, if Susan and William sacrifice themselves. They agree, and the aliens say they will return in 24 hours: until then, Susan and William were immortal.

The aliens repair Susan's plane and William's car, and send them on their way. William wants to bag out of the surgery, to spend more time with Sylvia, but she refuses: the cancer researcher might be close to a cure, and he had to save him. He catches another bit of bad luck, though: two slugs from some escaping convicts! Flash captures the convicts, then is amazed at William's story; and assists in the surgery to free up some more time for him with his wife. Flash wonders about the other temporary immortal, who was currently dismayed that the Circus might be cancelled because of a forest fire. Flash stops the fire, saving Susan's plane again; then she competes in the circus, finally winning by jumping from a plane and landing without a chute, which should have reduced her to a chunky living paste, but the aliens maybe covered her on that one. Kinda feel like she cheated a bit; but Flash is determined to save William and Susan, and was willing to fight for them. The aliens try to kill Flash three times--which could be significant, or could just be how much time was left in the story--before recanting, allowing William and Susan to live. Presumably, not immortal and indestructable...probably.

Also this issue: the Elongated Man faces a "Showdown in Elongated Town!" Story by Cary Bates, art by Dick Giordano. In a strangely distorted old western town, E-M finds himself in a showdown, with one of Flash's foes--I won't say who!--who wants to kill E-M as practice for waxing the Flash. Actually, that's not entirely correct: he's also going to use Elongated Man's corpse as bait, which makes more sense. I couldn't figure how the skills to kill E-M would carry over to killing Flash...

I thought it was weird he knew Bruce and Hal as a kid; but that's just scraping the surface here.

I got this a couple shows back, and finally got to read it! From 1971, Superman #171, "Dark Strangler of the Seas!" Written by Frank Robbins, pencils by Bob Brown, inks by Murphy Anderson.

Some time back, we saw a book from a decade later, where young Clark met Hal Jordan; but this issue is all Superboy and Aquaboy. Some fishermen pull an oil-covered "monster" from the ocean, which Superboy rushes to a detergent factory to have him scrubbed off, but the mysterious teen in the scaly orange shirt keeps trying to fight his way back into the water, until he finally is able to explain he needed it to breathe! Aquaboy introduces himself, and explains how one of "his" porpoises had died after being covered in oil from a leaky tanker: he had tried to confront the ship's captain, and was himself doused in oil. Superboy is rather quicker to action than stodgey old Superman, and flies with Aquaboy to the shipping-line owners; who outright refuse them: one in a shiek-style headdress decries the idea of taking their ships out of service to repair them as "wasteful!"

The young heroes aren't cowed by this, and step up their campaign: Aquaboy sets up surveillance with his fishy friends, and Superboy picks up a leaky tanker, flies it out to the desert, and drains it. (Dumping a lot of oil into the desert isn't seen as an environmental issue!) Superboy then takes the tanker to a shipyard, to be repaired at the shippers' expense. Fearing for their bottom line, the businessmen know they can't take Superboy, but what if they eliminate his partner...? Or use him as leverage. As Superboy brings in another tanker, they set their trap, with Aquaboy's girlfriend, Marita? Who looks a lot like a young Mera, down to her style of swimsuit; but who then betrays him to be captured? Feels like there's a lot that should be unpacked there, but they don't go into it at all! Marita doesn't even have any dialogue! Maybe she got tired of having a boyfriend she could only see for an hour at a time.

Superboy rescues Aquaboy from an exploding tanker, and the bad guys, including Marita, are flown off, to...jail? A stout lecture? It's not clear, but left rather open, as the battle against pollution continues. Spoiler alert: we're pretty much losing. Also this issue: an editor's note, explaining their new approach to Superboy. Previously, he had been stuck in an older "time slot," but going forward his adventures would "trail" the perpetually 29-year-old Superman: if Superman was 29 in 1970, he would've been a teen in 1955; and Superboy's time period would continue to move accordingly.

I've bought this one at least twice, probably on the strength of the Walt Simonson cover; but let's see if I can head off a third time! From 2010, Jonah Hex #55, "The Brief Life of Billy Dynamite" Written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmotti, art by Vicente Alcázar.

The titular young Billy might be spending a lot of time in a saloon, but that's just because that's where his ma and pa worked; and he had a barfly educating him in the finer points of explosives. But, good times rarely last; and sure enough Billy's folks get it in a robbery. The robbers don't get far, though: a couple are killed by the arriving Jonah Hex, then Billy helps himself to Jonah's other gun, to smoke the others. The kid even has the sand to charge Jonah for a drink afterwards; and five years later Billy is running the joint...and due for a growth spurt, he did not look five years older. When some banditos get too rowdy, Billy slaps a lit firecracker into one's mouth: his bartender Fiona, is able to bounce them after that, but they return a week later, to burn down the joint and throw Billy, strapped with dynamite, into a fire.

Fiona escapes, and later finds Jonah Hex getting a shave, and gives him an earful: he really isn't sure why this was his problem, and I kind of agree? Fiona argues, if he'd been on time five years ago, he could have saved Billy's parents; but he was probably drunk? Hex doesn't recall, but mmm, could be. In short order (a page turn!) Hex catches the gang, and has them tied upside down to trees with dynamite under their heads. A lot of dynamite. That looks like seven sticks in a bundle, times maybe seven bundles...Hex excuses himself, to get out of the blast radius, which I feel would be substantial? And I probably got put on a watchlist trying to figure it out! One of the bandits tries to point out, there wouldn't be anything left of them to bring in for the bounty, but y'know, sometimes you just have to do things for yourself. Still, how in the hell would Jonah have got those guys all tied up, upside down like that? Would you have to hang them by their ankles first? Seems like a lot of work, for a rather slight issue, but okay.

"Time."

Calvin guessed he was going to show up; largely because we just got him recently; but I swear this Cable might be a moderate pain in the ass to get: for a minute there, he wasn't available on Amazon or anywhere else I could find, and I thought I was going to have to order a full case to build Zabu. Then I found Cable at GameStop--and only Cable; I had to Amazon the rest. Really feels like he should have holsters; although maybe that's accurate there? I want to say that's the outfit he wore around Uncanny #375, where maybe both Cable and X-Man were on one of the assorted X-Men squads of the time, and Cable had a magic spear? Anyway, Cable and Bishop are more connected in the cartoon than they were in the books, although I do recall a stretch where Cable was trying to save baby Hope, while Bishop had maybe gone a bit insane and was trying to kill her; which sounds bad but I also think was just a way to have Bishop vs. Cable, Spy vs. Spy style.

For his part, I feel like Kurt knows them both, but they're both not guys to talk about their feelings or anything: they're both very mission focused, even if it seems like they come back sometimes and their mission goals have shifted dramatically? From his perspective, they both have a tendency to show up, make everything about them, push towards doing something, for reasons, now now now, then disappear until the next time they show up and do the same. Also, we saw Kurt and Bishop recently in Uncanny X-Men #473: Bishop suggests, maybe the Sentinels guarding the mansion at the behest of the government could be used as assets; Kurt calls them prison guards and seemingly wants nothing to do with them.

Green gloves? What sort of twisted madman would wear green gloves...oh.

"Presenting a Batman classic!" probably means, somebody fell off their deadline super-hard; but it is a classic, and this makes an interesting way to compare the it-Batman artist of 1971, with the it-Batman artist of 1978. From 1978, Detective Comics #477, featuring "The House that Haunted Batman!" from Detective Comics #408. Written by Len Wein and Marv Wolfman, pencils by Neal Adams, inks by Dick Giordano; framing sequence by Len Wein, pencils by Marshall Rogers, inks by Dick Giordano. Huh, more continuity there than I would've thought...!

At scenic Arkham Sanitarium, Commissioner Gordon accompanies Batman on a visit to former crime boss, now drooling lunatic, Rupert Thorne. Rupert had Gotham and Batman on the ropes, only to confess his myriad crimes: he didn't want to, but he had been forced by Hugo Strange. Or Strange's ghost, since Thorne was positive he had killed him. Gordon isn't too broken up about Thorne losing the reality knob, and tells Batman, at least he'd never get snookered by a phony ghost. Well, hold the phone, Jim; as Bats has a flashback to the nightmarish evening in "The House that Haunted Batman!" Batman went to this mysterious house in search of the missing Robin; but this wasn't a mysterious house that had been on the edge of town of years; this was a mysterious house that wasn't there last week!

Robin turns on Batman and guns him down, then talks trash about him at his funeral with Gordon and the JLA; I won't spoil it further; it's a good one. Meanwhile, back in the present, we get the brief first appearance of Clayface III! Also this issue: another USPS Statement of Ownership. Average number copies per issue, previous year - 125,743.

Over? No, we're just getting started...unless it's over.

Optimus Prime wears a ratty looking old cloak on the cover of this one; which is a look I've seen various Transformers pull more than once, and I'm not sure where they would have gotten cloth, or why they would need a cloak anyway. Are his shoulders cold? OK, here it's probably to symbolize OP leading his people into the wilderness, but spoiler alert: it doesn't matter. From 2022, Transformers: Fate of Cybertron, written by Brian Ruckley; art by Andrew Griffith, Winston Chan, Alex Milne, Ed Pirrie, and Angel Hernandez.

With the rust worms, the Insecticlones, and Exarchon defeated; there was now nothing standing between Megatron and total domination of Cybertron. Not even Optimus Prime: to prevent yet another devastating war, Optimus is willing to concede the planet to Megs, and those who wish to leave will do so. That doesn't quite placate Megatron, who knows damn well if Optimus leaves, he would be back: instead, he wants his old foe to stay, be ruled, submit. Starting with, give up the Matrix of Leadership. That is also a non-starter, but the fight doesn't go the distance; as rookie Jumpstream out-teleports Decepticon teleporter Skywarp, taking an imploder bomb out of play. Megatron is forced to let Optimus and his forces leave, at least while he yells at Shockwave, to get the Constructicons and Devastator into the fight. (Megatron seemed to have his oftimes unreliable allies squarely under his command here! That never lasts long, but still.)

The Autobots are still trying to get everyone that wants out aboard Darkmount, and have to hold out long enough to launch; while the Decepticons throw everything at them. Scattershot rallies nine other volunteers into a Combiner-form, to face Devastator (who seemed to be far mightier than most Combiners) but is eventually outgunned and falls apart. Still, they lasted long enough, for everyone else to escape. A furious Megatron orders his prisoners to jail, but they're all grins: they know they won. Optimus also knows, while Megatron might be able to force Cybertron to submit, or to obey; he would never be able to force it to love him. And on one of the moons of Cybertron, Cosmos and Blast-Off prepare for some company...

Just a few years ago, there was an era of Megatron Was Right, as we found out the cruelty and brutality that led him to rebel against a society that had oppressed and betrayed (and needless to say, deceived) him and thousands of others. This is just Megatron that wants to be ruler, by the Primus-given right of being Megatron. Anyone not onboard with that can line up to get shot in the face...Of course, we've mentioned before: this would be the last issue of IDW's Transformers run. They'd had the license for like 17 years! Image/Skybound has Transformers now; I think #9 is out last week as I write this. And it's maybe selling well for them; but I lost my continuity a couple back with the end of Lost Light; no thanks.