"Dancing."

The song playing last time was Real Life's "Send Me an Angel," but maybe I should've gone with They Might Be Giant's "Spiralling Shape." Which was on the soundtrack to the Kids in the Hall movie Brain Candy, but was also used in an episode of Malcolm in the Middle. "Okay, guys...have the last candy bars of your childhood." Just a bit of fluff this week: I don't think Kurt would really let Spiral run off with Longshot...no matter how annoying he is...and rest assured, she didn't get very far with him. But more Angel next time!

Feels like this should be "Spider-Man 2099 Forever."

Hey,  a recent comic! From 2024, Symbiote Spider-Man 2099 #1, written by Peter David, art by Rogê Antônio.

I had been behind on reading these, and just sat down to read like the last 10 Spidey 2099 issues the other day: the Miguel O'Hara: Spider-Man 2099 run is five issues, single-issue stories introducing new 2099 characters. (Or re-introducing characters in the 2099 setting, like Dracula and Terror, Inc.) Then, Peter David's Symbiote series, which picks up from 1996's Spider-Man 2099 #43, which was David's last unaltered issue of the original series. Get your back issues if you need to catch up! And while Antônio does a good job, it's a shame original artist Rick Leonardi couldn't come back at least for the opener, which recreates a scene from Spider-Man 2099 #1 and Spider-Man 2099 Meets Spider-Man, as a group of joyriding teens this time run into Venom 2099! It goes worse for them than usual; and this really isn't even "Venom 2099" as much as a venomized Sub-Mariner 2099, Roman. Miguel tricks him into riding a Public Eye skycycle, which explodes without its authorized rider; then returning to the Atlanteans, Roman casts the symbiote out. 

Back at Alchemax, which Miguel currently had control of, he gets the bad news that his half-brother, Kron Stone, had escaped from an ambulance; which Miguel put him in after a stout beating. A bloodied and swollen Kron returns to his apartment, while Miguel has a stern talk with a Dr. Hibby, who had been running a Super-Soldier program, with symbiotes. Which had spawned, for good measure. Miguel orders him to destroy the symbiote, then asks his holographic assistant Lyra to check on that:

Miguel suits up, to see if Dr. Hibby would maybe take Spider-Man's advice, but he sics the symbiote on him. The symbiote seems to find S-M more interesting, though. Meanwhile, a pouting Kron wonders how wimpy Miguel kicked the crap out of him, but is advised not to worry, he'll be dead in a few, courtesy of Punisher 2099! Who is so thrilled to have another chance to kill Kron, that he talks more than he probably did in much of his series; but is momentarily distracted when Kron's shower has "plumbing problems." Namely, the symbiote returning to Kron! Punisher is outclassed, and intends to get Spidey 2099 for help, but is instead murdered by the real Venom 2099. (This would be another break with previous 2099 continuity, as I'm pretty sure Jake Gallows gets got in Punisher 2099 #34? Or 2099 A.D. Apocalypse #1.) Venom then gets blown up by the Punisher's skycycle; it's a common safety feature! Meanwhile, back at Alchemax, the other symbiote has bonded with Miguel, which arguably would make him Carnage 2099, but I don't think we're going there.

If you like David's stuff previously, you'll dig this. Also, another 2099 character makes an appearance later in the run; and David maybe plants seeds for a later storyline, or continuing one from 1996: shades of the Hobgoblin, but the reveal of Green Goblin 2099's identity wasn't what he had planned, and he was maybe steering back to it. 

Lois is drawn extra waifish there, to really sell Super-Fatso.

From 1969, Superman #221, cover by Curt Swan.

I wasn't expecting this opener, though: my son saw the cover, then this story, and blurted out "clickbait!" "The Revolt of the Super-Slave!" involves an isolated South Pacific island, where slaves are forced to grow and harvest a flower for use in nerve gas. Pancho had briefly escaped but was recaptured and brought back, presumably to keep the operation a secret; but he had heard tales of the wonderous Superman, who would surely help them someday. Pancho had sewn up a makeshift Superman costume, to inspire his fellow prisoners, and launches an elaborate and unlikely message-in-a-bottle like distress call for Superman, which of course works. Still, by the time Supes gets there, Pancho had lost a bit of his mind from repeated psychological torture, and believed he was now super himself! A lie Superman perhaps unwisely goes along with, and convinces the rest of the island of...(Written by Leo Dorfman, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by George Roussos.)

But, then we get to the meat of this issue--so to speak!--with "The Two-Ton Superman!" We saw "Half a Hero!" a bit ago, and this is another Cary Bates one, that also feels like way too much plot, but with less pages even. Clark Kent gets his name pulled from a hat by the army, for a demo of their Mars landing simulator. Which should be just fun, but instead Clark suddenly realizes, he can't let anyone seem him like this, and the simulator "takes off" into the sky--kinda like Green Lantern's origin! (A sad technician: "Aw, not another one! What keeps doing that?")

Superman explodes out of the simulator, now absurdly fat! Although, he's glad it happened there, rather than in a phone booth--oh, you cheaters! He wonders how he's going to cover this up, when he's seen by a passing plane: well, they could hardly miss him. Then, the alien Strog appears: Supes had helped his planet with irrigation canals, and was awarded a ceremonial drink of the "sacred scarlet nectar," but he had been the first to have any in a while, and it had gone bad. Somehow, alien poison + super-antibodies = real fat? Sure, okay. Strog doesn't have any help, and Supes had a hard deadline of eight the next morning to be back to normal.

After being forced to plug a dam with his own body, Superman starts a series of make-work jobs around the city; digging or demolition. Lois puts together that it's a "super-reducing plan," but also wonders if he's covering his disappearance as Clark. She then gets a message, to visit Clark at his apartment, but he warns her, don't come too close: Superman had saved him from a terrorist bomb, but he could be radioactive, and Superman hadn't had time to check before becoming fat. The lie is sold with an elaborate funhouse mirror set-up, to make the still-chunky Clark appear normal. He then continues his super-workout feats, but only gets down to maybe 350 pounds before eight: close enough that he looked about normal, anyway; but he needed to be his exact, usual weight for an appointment at a government research installation. They had a vault, with a Superman-shaped key, containing an experimental weapon nullifer; that Supes had to open before the deadline self-destructed the safe, which is over-complicated and dumb: that lock doesn't seem that secure, Superman himself even cheats it with anti-gravity discs to get back to his proper weight. Which, would he even need to do? He could fly! I feel like he could control his weight on a mechanical scale if he wanted to. Maybe I'm not that comfortable with Supes working with the government (and mainly, the military) anymore.

This isn't even the most nonsensical version I've read of this, but it tries harder.

My copy is pretty ratty, but I should scan the whole thing for Internet Archive: from 2009, Toyfare #137, "Twisted Toyfare Theatre: Invasion of the Mego Snatchers" By a big chunk of Toyfare staff: Aclin, Gutierrez, Dietsch; with Bricken, Brucie, Collins, Molino, Powell and Ward! 

This was their riff on Secret Invasion, which goes off the rails around page 4, but no more so than any other version of that story I've seen. (Seriously, I know I've read it, but it keeps falling out of my head.) And Mephisto's explanation of the fix resonates a bit with me, since I remember thinking fans might feel like that back when Ben Reilly replaced Peter Parker as the 'real' Spider-Man. 

As usual, I'm on vacation next week, and as usual, the blog will continue to trundle along aimlessly regardless! See you then.   

I'm not sure when this will post--god forbid closer to Halloween--but the Twilight Zone marathon is on and it's going to be a million degrees here in a day or so. ("The Midnight Sun" comes closer every year!)  Let's see if that negatively affects my opinion of this issue! From 1977, Secrets of Haunted House #5. Cover by Michael Wm. Kaluta. Spoilers for this one, so it's going after the break there. (Can I really spoil a 47-year old comic? I mean, really, you snooze, you lose.)

Suburbanites try their hands at demon-summoning, in "Raise the Devil!" So far they haven't had any luck, although the men still dream about the power they hope to obtain, while one of their wives frets a demon could get at their kids. Which is poo-poohed by her hubby: the demon wouldn't be able to get out of the pentagram, silly goose. The wannabe Anton Lavey gets his hands on a new book, and a demon appears--then flies straight up, into the kids' room! That would often be the final twist, but there's one more: the kids have their own pentagram, and now have a demon under their control! The parents immediately realize; they are just boned. ("Raising the Devil" Plot by Michael Pellowski, script by E. Nelson Bridwell, pencils by Bernard Baily, inks by Win Mortimer.)

Then, "The Strange Case of the Sloop 'San Mateo'": written by Sergio Aragonés and Steve Skeates, pencils by Romeo Tanghal, inks by Bob Smith. Skeates may be translating here; as the Coast Guard finds the ship unlit and adrift, and has no idea what happened to its owner. Luckily, we have Cain to give us the goods: the owner of the 'San Mateo' dinged it up on some rocks, but then rather than cough up for repairs opted to pull some good wood from a shipwreck, despite a warning from an ominous old sea captain. The wreck had originally been the Oreo, a slave ship that had dumped prisoners, and then misfortune had befallen its owners and sailors many times since. No points for guessing what comes next, although Cain does warn the reader, if you get a good deal on a used boat, maybe check the paint and make sure it doesn't say 'San Mateo' under it.

Not great, but readable. Feels a little short even for the era, though. (There's a opener with the horror hosts, and a witch's broomstick gag page as well.)

"Taken."

I don't love this one, because it ran afoul of my staging: Longshot's unconscious ass was on the farthest edge of stage left. (From the point of view of someone facing out at us!) Without breaking up the set, I spent a lot of time trying to finagle a shot from the other side of the bar shooting out; which was difficult because of the placement of the figures, focus, and that such a shot would also include most of my living room! It's something that comics could do easily, but in movies I believe it would be considered breaking the 180˚ Rule. (Stephen King mentions breaking the rule when he was directing Maximum Overdrive, out of ignorance; that's an interesting read there.) Long story short, I ran out of interesting angles or shots for Satana and Dazzler to talk over Longshot.

I wanted to get at the idea that Longshot might be as guilty of toxic masculinity as most superguys; that he decided to forget his wife and kid, under the notion that he'd be better able to protect them. I think this is technically accurate: Longshot leaping into action to protect strangers, would be a noble act, and his luck powers would kick in. Protecting his family, however, would somehow be considered a selfish act, and his luck would not only not work, it may backfire completely. This may make Longshot a more tragic character, or more of a dumbass. Or both? 

In the words of the great Evan Dorkin, "Don't drink Zima! It zucks! And it's made by Coors!" That said, I'm positive I've had it at least once; but I think I drank wine coolers for a ridiculous amount of time, so as usual, my taste is questionable.

If I got zinged by Steve Rogers, I think I'd give up intelligence, it obviously wasn't working for him.

The cover scene doesn't happen inside this issue, but still got me to buy it: from 2015, Hulk #13, "The Omega Hulk, chapter nine" Written by Gerry Duggan, pencils by Mark Bagley, inks by Drew Hennessy.

We've seen maybe some of this storyline before, although I just searched my blog for when...yeah, chapter two, wherein the new, improved? nanotech-altered Hulk as "Doc Green" de-powered Rick Jones/A-Bomb. It took me a second, because I had put Gerry as 'Gary,' had to fix that. Doc Green had by this point depowered Skaar, Red She-Hulk, and the Gamma Corps; but Red Hulk was his main target. Another target might be taken off the board, at least for the moment, as the then-aged Steve Rogers tells Doc Green, that Jennifer Walters was off-limits. Steve floors him with a trick cane, which doesn't seem like the sort of stunt that would work twice; then takes a call from Deadpool, who was currently working for Doc Green, on the trail of the Red Hulk. (This was in a relatively brief window, before Secret Empire, where Pool was a trusted ally for Steve; also post-Red Hulk's Thunderbolts.)

At the Baxter Building--I'm thinking the FF were gone at the time, huh?--Doc Green's assistants were still trying to find Lyra, who was lost in time and/or space. (I forget her deal; I think she was introduced and written out fairly quickly. I mainly recall her as an unreleased Marvel Legends swap figure.) The bedraggled assistants are in over their heads, and Doc Green sadly releases them from any obligations to him. But, he also thinks A.I. might be able to find Lyra, except his "Project Omega" had gone rogue and disappeared. Later, Doc Green storms Red Leader's new lab, killing his new gamma mutate (Gasp! Not Dim!) then depowering him. Doc tells the powerless Sterns to stay out of the gamma business, but Project Omega, under its new name "Gammon," later resets him to his usual green look.

Doc Green then teleports to Deadpool, keeping tabs on the Red Hulk near Yucca Mountain: the Red Hulk could absorb radiation, and Doc Green likens this to "Popeye sleeping with a can of spinach under his pillow." Deadpool says, great, I'm gonna bail, but Doc Green borrows his phone, to call Rick Jones: not to talk to him, though. He knew Project Omega would be monitoring him, and speaks directly to it: find Lyra, and then they can leave each other alone. Pool is amused at Doc Green apparently calling the sky to yell at it, but he has another job for the merc: hit Ross with this special bullet, in the eye or ear, to inhibit his radiation-absorbing ability. Miss or cop out, and Doc Green would tattle, that Pool betrayed Ross.

This still had three more chapters, running to the last issue of this series. Then was maybe Totally Awesome Hulk, a bit of confusing legacy numbering, the traumatized Jennifer Walters Hulk run, then Immortal Hulk. All of which somehow feel longer ago and further away than this one, somehow. (Probably because it's the issue next to me right now; mystery solved.)