I recently had to re-organize, um, about everything; but I found an entire longbox in my closet that I'd missed! Some good stuff in there, and a book I'd been coming to and am legitimately surprised I didn't have to buy again. From 1996, Aquaman Annual #2, "Legends of the Dead Earth" Written by Peter David, pencils by Ed Hannigan, inks by Steve Mitchell.

On a distant world, on a natural bridge over the chasmous "vale of tears," two travellers meet: with no room for them to pass each other, they both claim to be storytellers, and agree whoever tells the best story would be able to go forward and the other would have to turn back. (The set-up is supposed to be like maybe a gazillion samurai stories? But also makes zero sense: that looks dangerous as hell, but you should also notice someone else was on there? And where would something like that lead, and why would someone be coming the other way?) The first tells a story of his favorite hero, the great and wise Aquaman. King of Atlantis on a waterless old Earth, the assorting remaining nations and people of earth came to beg, buy, or bargain for precious water. His people had priority, but whenever he could, Aquaman would give what he could. But, he started to wonder, what the people really thought of him, and went incognito to find out. He's disappointed to find, he wasn't universally beloved. Did he lord his control of the water over them? After being discovered during a bar brawl, the people tremble at the thought of his vengeance; but a small child offers Aquaman his rag to clean himself...and probably saves them all. Later, when the city begs for mercy and water, Aquaman gives him all they can carry, but has to admit to himself, with his ego hurt he very nearly would have killed them all, if not for that child.

The other storyteller scoffs, calling that unrealistic, since Aquaman was a villain and oppressor, him and his no-good son Koryak. (Koryak's coloring seems to vary in this, but he has He-Man's Prince Valiant haircut.) Aquaman had the flying skull-shaped city Poseidonis, which cemented his control of the seas: the city could drop like a mountain on ships that didn't offer tribute, or shoot down anyone trying to fly over. The remaining heroes of the earth (nobody we know!) wanted to stop Aquaman, and Ocean Master offers his assistance...for a price. He's spurned, the first time anyway: after getting their asses kicked, they promise him and his partner Black Manta whatever they want. Riding in on a mutated flying manta, the pair call out Aquaman: Koryak wants to just shoot them down, but Aquaman refuses to harm even a monstrously altered sea creature. He may be hesitating, since his former lover (Blue) Dolphin warned him, he would fight his brother, but afterwards he would lose everything. Not knowing the prophecy (and he wouldn't have cared, anyway) Koryak leaps into battle, killing Black Manta, then dying from the mutant manta's sting.

Aquaman leaps into battle against Ocean Master, but it's a short fight, since the mystic forces unleashed dump the citizens of Poseidonis into the ocean and seemingly either destroys the city or launches it into space, where the two would battle forever. But, Ocean Master would be remembered for his heroism; according to the second storyteller. The first calls his story "calumny,' although I'd personally be more offended that it was anti-climactic. Both storytellers then claim to be descendants of Aquaman, hero or villain, and begin to fight it out, like brothers in that line forever.

So both Poseidonis--which looked like a stone version of Brainiac's ship--and Koryak would've been recent additions from David's run: pretty sure Poseidonis would be blow'd up in short order, but Koryak would be around a bit longer. Couldn't say if he's appeared anytime recently, though. 

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80-Page Thursdays: G.I. Combat #205!

I don't have a ton of these, but it was usually a bigger book, and at least eight were 80-pagers: from 1977, G.I. Combat #205.

Three more Haunted Tank stories this month, with them fighting in the Pacific for one, then two back in Germany: the crew nearly gets sent to the Japanese emperor as a trophy, Lt. Jeb Stuart nearly gets sent home on a section-8 for talking to ghosts, and a Nazi tank commander going Captain Ahab after the Tank nearly gets them. All close calls! I would hope this one would have put an end to Jeb's crew worrying about him talking to the ghost, but there were never a lot of continuity in these. (Three stories, all written by Bob Kanigher, art by Sam Glanzman.)

Then, two O.S.S. features: in the first, "Death is a Dummy," the spy agency is 0-for-2 in assassination attempts on Nazi Rudi "the Exterminator" Kelbst. You can tell he's evil, not just because of the name, but his raucous laughter at...a ventriloquist act. (Shudder!) Kelbst was like the ventriloquist's biggest fan; maybe he shouldn't have sent the guy's family to the gas chamber. (Written by Bart Regan, art by E.R. Cruz.) Then, in "60 Minutes to Massacre" an O.S.S. agent has to find out why a tribe on a small Pacific island resists Americans landing there--obviously, they know something of American history. No, a Japanese spy was trying to use them as a weapon; but I still think maybe the tribe shouldn't let anyone on the island? (Written by Bill Dennehy, art by Ric Estrada.)

Round out the book with two more shorts: "Soldier in Pigtails!" and "Stop--War Ahead!" The latter is about a cop turned M.P. but still all cop (grudgingly, in as good a way as possible) and the former a young woman fighting Nazi occupiers with a short, if successful, career as a sniper.

An aside: I picked up a fistful of Garth Ennis's War Stories the other day; I might have to scan those covers for the GCD. Annoyingly, that title was usually three issue arcs, and I don't think I completed a single one! But I would've loved to see Ennis redo that Haunted Tank one with the 'Ahab' commander after them, because he would probably go full Downfall there: "Our tanks are bigger, better armed, better armored. We know the area, the terrain. In a typical engagement, we outnumber our foe four-to-one. SO WHY (desk pounding begins) ARE WE GETTING--REPEATEDLY--CLOWNED BY THIS--THIS BABYTANK, FLYING AN ANTIQUE FLAG FOR FAILURES? HOW?" I'm also trying to recall if General Stuart ever gave, like legit intel, or just seemingly vague advice. Read more!

"Beams."

I'm positive Kurt's idea is from the Simpsons/Futurama crossover episode: in what passes for continuity, Bender is still in Homer's basement, going back to the 31st century the long way. I don't know if I've entirely figured out Death's Head's new career, but I might have an idea. Also, again like the third Doctor Who, whatever Mobius did to DH has him stuck in 2025: he can't steal or build a time machine, or at least that's what he thinks.  Read more!

Cease that infernal whistling!

I don't think I picked them all up at once, but I think I got most of Marvel's ninety-nine cent Over the Edge book--there's one with an Elektra cover and nice logo placement that I'll have to check for. This one's a little more basic, but fun for the price! From 1996, Over the Edge #3, "Toad's Night Out!" Written by Ralph Macchio, pencils by Stephen B. Jones (credited as J. B. Jones) and inks by Mike Witherby.

Although not written by Peter David, this is set during one of my favorite stretches of his run; where Betty and Bruce were living together incognito, and Bruce often wore head-to-toe bandages to move around in society. After their car breaks down on the scenic route (possibly from lugging the Hulk around!) they're forced to make a stop in a small town called Blackberry, and have to stay over night while parts are ordered from Mount Pilot...that sounds familiar somehow. A local, looking somewhat crazed, warns Betty that they should get out of town while they still could. Bruce shrugs it off as a nut, and anyway, he was the Hulk; what did they have to worry about? The locals creep Betty out, particulary a waitress that appeared to have scales; but Bruce ignores that to be polite, since she didn't make a scene at his (bandaged) appearance. But someone does see the Hulk unwrapped, as he reads a Stephen King story, "Rainy Season." Bruce seems to find it a bit out there, but it's also appropriate here.

After Bruce falls asleep, Betty sneaks out to investigate: she looks a bit too young here, but also super 90's. Far less 90's: the yokels at the police station, who are very obviously Andy and Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith Show. Betty lifts a gun, and goes back to tell Bruce something is up at the local steel mill: Bruce agrees to check it out, happy wife happy life, but only gets as far as the door before the Toad Men show up! They had first invaded, and hassled the Hulk, back in his second issue in 1962. The Hulk points out it was actually Banner that stopped them before, not the Hulk; but they were small and kind of silly looking and tough to take seriously, even if they were dangerous.

Despite a magnetic trap and the biggest, strongest Toad Man; they are again routed and driven away by the Hulk. But then the twist: the locals had wanted to go to Toadworld! Beats the heck out of wasting away in some nothing small town. And the Toad Men ladies were allegedly quite a draw. (Once you go toad, you never--no, I don't want to know.) Bruce and Betty leave after their car is fixed, but the emperor of the Toad Men promises they will return. They're possibly best known for also hassling She-Hulk in her second Byrne issue, and hey, they can't all be Kree or Skrull or Shi'ar. I kinda like the idea that the Marvel Universe is full of alien races like this, that maybe don't have the huge star-spanning empires, but are maybe technologically advanced enough or so inconveniently located that it would be a hassle for one of the big empires to take 'em. Also, I think I just remembered a long-forgotten bit of resentment I had for the Andy Griffith Show: decades ago on TBS, they ran Lost in Space Sunday mornings, immediately followed by Andy Griffith. So the Robinson family would face yet another cliffhanger ending...then that damn whistling! I associate that theme with the end of fun; but I'm pretty sure that's just me. Read more!

A tech billionaire that exploits people? Stop the press.

Despite reading a lot of Milestone, I've only read a bit of Hardware, but I love this issue: the cover was maybe the first time I realized, most superhero costumes do look better on a woman! From 1993, Hardware #9, "Software!" Written by Brian McDonald, pencils by Arvell Jones, inks by Denys Cowan.

Hardware, Curtiss Metcalf, had previously learned that his mentor Edwin Alva was not a benevolent philanthropist; but was in fact a predatory, credit-stealing bastard. He was also involved in organized crime and probably more than a bit racist; but maybe not quite the main bad guy like he would be on Static Shock: I want to say, think Lex Luthor, with more hair, and maybe more hands-on in exploiting his underlings. Curtiss created his Hardware armor to fight back, attacking Alva's illegal operations; and today was called into Alva's office to watch video of that. Curtiss thinks he's been found out, but Alva was instead giving him the assignment of defeating Hardware, which mainly seemed to be reverse engineering his tech. He's also given a research partner, the striking Tiffany Evans.

Curtiss sandbags, subtly sabotaging the project; although he struggled to do so in a way that Tiffany wouldn't immediately figure out. Still, she eventually did, and Alva threatens to sue Curtiss unless his performance improved. (Contractual agreements seemed to be Hardware's Kryptonite; I don't think he could just quit working for Alva.) Stymied, he presents Alva with a new design, which vaguely resembles the Robot from the 1998 Lost in Space movie with more guns. While Alva approves, Tiffany argues that was the wrong way to go, and they needed to go after Hardware's weaknesses: he was bigger and bulkier, but that flight gear would be far more efficient on a smaller frame...say, a woman's. Curtiss is then forced to help work on armor for Tiffany, and has trouble talking to her about it without seeming like an overprotective, sexist jerk.

When the Technique armor is ready, Alva has information leaked about a shipment from Columbia. Even knowing it was a trap, Curtiss still can't let Alva bring in drugs, but it was entirely a trap: the only cargo was Technique, who mops the floor with him for a bit. (Tiffany didn't know Alva was a louse yet, so he probably didn't bring in drugs to keep her on his side.) Hardware eventually knocks her out, or she's playing possum: when he tries to download her system, he gets a virus that activates his flight rig, launching him straight up! And at least in these early stories, fuel was a serious concern: while Curtiss manages to take back manual control and save himself, he also takes a big fall when the fuel runs out. Taking a couple days off to recover, he still has a note delivered to Tiffany, congratulating her for her success, and admitting she had a lot to teach him. 

The only trouble is, I think this was actually a fill-in issue: Milestone used to be strict about getting books out on time! Regular writer Dwayne McDuffie would be back the next month, so I'm not sure if Technique would return for some time. We saw a later Technique appearance some time back, but that would've been a couple years later.

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I'm glad the movies didn't go with that outfit, but Stephen Dorff would've been terrifying in it.

I watched Night of the Hunter a week or two back, and even if you're not into older movies (it's from 1955) it holds up. Robert Mitchum plays Harry Powell, a 'preacher,' who's actually a serial killer, marrying for money and then killing his brides. He has "L-O-V-E" tattooed on the knuckles of one hand, and "H-A-T-E" on the other, a bit I know has been used elsewhere; but honestly the preacher outfit with the hat and string tie maybe scare me more. Somebody shows up wearing those, I'm out of there like they were wearing a hockey mask and bloody smock. I don't know if it's a callback to NotH, but the bad guy today has that outfit: probably would've looked evil and creepy without it, but it ices the cake! From 1995, Blade the Vampire Hunter #7, "Bad to the Bone" Written by Ian Edginton, pencils by Douglas H. Wheatley, inks by Steve Moncuse.

The bad guy in question is Deacon Frost, the vampire that attacked Blade's mom before he was born, making him what he was. Frost had been dead, possibly more than once, but here as he attacks Blade's friend Bible John, he explains how an amateur wizard accidentally brought him back, and how he was going to be a new god for vampires. Later, fighting Blade, Deacon says "the vampire race has become mired in the cliche of its own mythos," which seems remarkably forward-thinking for somebody dressed like that. He also doesn't appear to have the old weaknesses, and transforms into a bunch of rats after Blade stabs him through the heart. (Um, the technical term is a mischief of rats!) It's an impressive move; or at least it would've been before I saw this Oglaf strip.

For his part, this is a kinder, gentler Blade than usual: he appears to be trying to have a life outside of hunting vampires, maybe improve his work-life balance a bit. He takes care of the injured Bible John rather than chasing Deacon at all costs. But, taking John to the hospital was a tactical error, as they would probably throw John back in the asylum when he was better...! (Somehow vampires were not commonly known in the Marvel U. then, so someone devoting their life to their study and extermination probably did seem a nut.) Blade knows only one person can help him here, probably not his favorite person either: Morbius! 

I tried to look up, if Deacon Frost was ever portrayed consistently; because if he looked like that before turning into a vampire...Anyway, probably not, but Frost also had a weird doppelgänger-generation power, just to confuse the issue further.

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There's definitely an Onion headline that applies for Wolvie there.

Whelp, just spent a hour writing a post, for a book I'd already blogged; so I'd best triple-check I haven't hit this one before, since I'm positive I've bought it three times. (I can see two from here, so...) So far it looks like I haven't, so here goes! From 2001, Paradise X: Heralds #1, plot and cover by Alex Ross, plot and script by Jim Krueger, art by Steve Pugh. 

This would be a prequel to Paradise X, the third and final chapter of Ross and Krueger's Earth X trilogy; and begins with X-51 recovering, and restoring, the Logan from "Days of Future Past," Earth-811. (I'm nerdy, but not nerdy enough to remember earth designations like that of the top of my head!) While he could be resurrected, X-51 sadly tells Logan his friends could not; and Logan recognizes where he was, since he had been there before: the Watcher's home on the moon. (Like the Onion said, "Man Experiencing First Real Moment of Peace in Years Resuscitated.")

X-51 introduces him to the team he had put together, collected from the multiverse, some of which would have even been familiar to Logan: the vampire Ororo, Bloodstorm; the MC2 Spider-Girl, Killraven, Deathlok, Iron Man 2020, and a Hyperion. (Logan recognizes May as "Parker's kid" by scent, which grosses her out.) They also pass by the naysaying old Watcher Uatu, who was basically a big blind face at this point. X-51 gives the quick version of what he had learned, about the multiverse, divergent timelines, Mephisto, and primarily, the Celestial egg planted in earths across the multiverse. (That plot point is probably the legacy of the Earth X books, as it's crossed over into 616 and movie continuity.) He wanted the team to warn the Reed Richards of those worlds; then he would use Uatu's stuff to reward the heralds accordingly. (Killraven and Logan both point out, their earths sucked and were probably past saving, but X-51 had found others.) The heroes are paired up, with X-51 going with Hyperion; as they are transported by familiar-looking big black monoliths...

Hyperion and X-51 arrive on an earth taken over by Kulan Gath (around Uncanny X-Men #190!) and Reed Richards had just been strung up. Deathlok and Killraven get a world ruled by Satyrnin, which does have a lot of armored goons for them to blast. IM 2020 is paired off with Bloodstorm, feeling that he was because he would've been protected from the vampire, but they find a world apparently full of 'em. Logan and Spider-Girl show up at a White House, to see President Richards...perhaps better known as the Brute!

I hesitate to mention this, since I have an irrational fear of anyone horning in on my search; but I read all the Earth X books as they came out, and since my old copies have been read many times I have been putting together another run of them from the cheap bins. Checking the pile I have handy, I had most of Earth and Universe, but needed about 12 of Paradise X. There were maybe 14 issues of that one, since they ran from #0 to #X because of course they do. Still, I had new copies of all three of Heralds, and I think I have all of the one-shots like Xen and Cap, which I thought would be tough to gather up. I've been picking at that for some time, it seems to come in chunks, but I might be making some headway.

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