Friday, March 18, 2022
I hadda kidnap my girlfriend to protect my secret identity. AITA?
...Little bit, yeah. From 1976, Marvel Tales #73, reprinting Amazing Spider-Man #92, "When Iceman Attacks!" Written by Stan Lee, pencils by Gil Kane, inks by John Romita. Per the GCD, uncredited backgrounds by Tony Mortellaro, and the reprint loses two pages!
Spidey returns to his apartment, to find Gwen waiting for him--not like that, sadly. She's with crooked politician Bullit, who also suspected a connection between Spidey and Peter Parker. Thinking quickly, Spidey grabs Gwen and jumps out the window with her, which would probably be terrifying for Gwen but isn't really dwelt upon here. No time, as on the streets below, Bobby Drake puts his date in a cab and starts taking off his clothes, to change into Iceman! He plans on not only saving the helpless victim, but also settling matters with that "over-rated creep!" Spidey only has a moment to badmouth Peter, although Gwen quickly rises to his defense, before Iceman takes him on.
With the cops surrounding the building, Spidey takes off. Bullit is less than thrilled with having to share any glory with Iceman, but his campaign for district attorney--again, were those a big deal? Are they still a big deal in NYC? But, a hitch for Bullit: J.Jonah Jameson and the Bugle are no longer supporting him, since Bullit had tried to "strongarm" Peter Parker, and Robbie Robertson had a file on him and his supporters...and what they really meant by "law and order." I don't think the term 'dogwhistle' was in use then, but seems apt.
Bullit sends goons after Robbie, with Spidey keeping tabs on him to help out, but Iceman catches up to him again to continue their fight. Spidey's not in the mood to play, and manages to get away and catch up at the usual warehouse hideout. Iceman arrives shortly thereafter, but is able to overhear Bullit and realize he should be with Spidey on this one. The goons are trounced, Robbie is freed, and he, Spidey, and Iceman confront Bullit at a campaign banquet, where he crumples up like a roll of paper towels in a sink full of water.
I feel like I saw this recently somewhere else...I also suspect Peter gets to make up with Gwen on one of the cut pages, or at least continue hiding his secret identity from her. There has to be a middle ground there, between Spidey's dogged guarding of his ID, and more modern TV shows and movies where the hero unmasks and tells whoever, whenever...!
Considering they've not retconned Iceman into being gay, this sounds like he found the perfect excuse to get out of bad date he was just going through to live a lie "Spider-Man just kidnapped a girl!? OH THANK GOD! Now I can ditch this chick already without things being awkward."
ReplyDeletePoor Peter. That rough What If story aside from when he saved her & she found out his secret identity but his life still sucked anyways, I can imagine him eventually telling her & them having kinky role-playing sessions where he "kidnaps" her & talks shit about Parker while he's busy burying the lead, haha.
I mean she must secretly into that shit if Norman Osborn seduced her. Just saying...