Two Hodges and two Podges, in the same year? In this economy?

 

1. So there's an episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Hal wants to take the boys out for a fun excursion before Lois has the new baby, but because nothing ever goes right there, instead of a monster truck rally they arrive at a bridal fair, and they already paid for parking, so...the whole episode, there's a subtle running gag where every time we see a musician or hear music, it's a version of Kool and the Gang's "Celebration." Anyway, I could probably set something up like that with covers of Mariya Takeuchi's "Plastic Love." I don't think I heard it before like a year ago, and it's been covered about 18 million times. Tough to get wrong, really, it's that good.  

2. Sometimes I just want to do a post of random nonsense; and I always liked the style of 70's era Marvel Bullpen Bulletins, although I'm not going to shout "ITEM!" at the start of each point. The last time I did one of these I was mired in overtime and foggy; now I'm back to regular hours and have a ton more free time...and am starting to miss the overtime cash, since I've recently gone way off-budget: I ordered an extra the Prisoner figure from Wandering Planet's Kickstarter, the fancy new Conan figure, I had to get a loose Marvel Legends Shanna since I missed the set in August, I bought a batch of McFarlane figures. (The latter was a little disappointing, but we'll maybe see some later!) Huh, I pre-ordered Rachel Summers, that shiny pinless Surfer, and Man Without Fear Daredevil. Ugh, I might have to get back to work... 

3. Well, I could probably save some money by dropping Disney+ and Paramount Plus, since the corporate heads of both seem bound and determined to pre-cave to whatever the Trump administration vaguely threatens to do, or to smooth the path for yet another merger so maybe only two entities have all the IP and all the money instead of three. It's just galling that a lot of things I love--Star Wars, Star Trek, Marvel--are in the hands of people that aren't going to fight for them the way you might prefer. Actually, it seems like they're going to take the policy of "give the baby his bottle" for the foreseeable future, and just keep their heads down and hope they aren't noticed. Of course, another good reason to drop Disney and Paramount is that I think I can count on my thumbs how many times either of them have had two new shows I wanted to watch running at the same time: really feels like I'm paying the sub fees for one show a week at best. (In fairness: I don't think a lot of viewers liked the most recent Star Trek: Strange New Worlds episodes; but I did? All the continuity doesn't seem like it's going to line up right, but after years of comics god knows I'm used to that.)

What is actually decent value for the money? Tubi!...since it's free and all. Actually, I think I'm enjoying it because it has a surprisingly deep roster of forgotten and obscure movies, kind of like Disney and Paramount both did at first. Those two would then clear out about everything except the new crap they were pushing incessantly, and the occasional franchise they were somehow caretakers of. (I mention this while making eye contact with Paramount: their horror selection is terrible, but they've got all the Paranormal Activity movies, a franchise that's best known not for the movies or the scares, but for being stupid profitable because each installment was made for about forty bucks, figuratively.) The other day on Tubi I watched Gunbus, which had also been called Sky Bandits, where a couple dynamite-happy bank robbers end up as pilots in World War I: it's cheery, agreeably dumb viewing that the streamers you pay for wouldn't know what to do with, but a fun throwback to the kind of afternoon movie that used to be on TV. The downside is, of course, like TV you're at the mercy of ads: during A Better Tomorrow III there was a David Spade sporting goods commercial at an inopportune time that I cursed out like it owed me money, and not just because I hadda see David Spade. Later, I watched a lesser Chow Yun-Fat number, Rich and Famous, and was trying to remember where I'd seen this meme: 

 (20 minutes into any Hong Kong action movie, when they intro the 'comedy relief') 

 STINKY DICK: H-h-h-hello, my name is Stinky Dick, I stutter, and sexually harass women. 

 Boo, get outta here. 

 (90 minutes in, Stinky Dick gets stabbed 37 times and explodes) 

 Bastards! They got Stinky Dick! 

Swear to god, I don't know if it just in the subtitles, maybe somebody just insulting him, but I swear the sneezing comedy relief was actually called Stinky Dick! And he's useless through most of the film, then totally redeems himself in the end!  

Chow Yun-Fat is not in that one as much as the trailer implies: he's the "good" mob boss, and two adopted brothers start working for him, Goofus and Gallant style: one is loyal and reliable, the other a bigmouth suckup. Anyway, the fact that Tubi has even got a decent batch of Hong Kong action flicks is impressive: Hard Boiled and the Killer are both on there, and if you haven't, drop this and go see them now. Oh, and I couldn't sleep the other night, so I watched the oddball Motivational Growth, and whatever they pay Jeffrey Combs, they should pay him more.

4. I haven't had as good of a summer biking as I did the last couple years, but that's probably on me, since I've been a big baby about getting too far away from my house: I don't want to be fifteen miles out and blow a tire or rupture a testicle or something. That said, I might do something I've wanted to forever, and take my old bike into the shop and have it fixed back up. It won't be cheap, except as compared to buying a new bike. I'll still have my current bike for riding around town and such, but if I get that baby going again I swear I'll treat her like a princess: I'll only ride it on the pristine bike trails, not the filthy glass-ridden streets. (The tires are more narrow on that one, which will be mildly perilous at first but feel a gazillion times faster.) Something to look forward to then, although I probably still have another month and a half, two months, this season; before it's indoor bike trudgery again. 

5. This one, I was worried was a warning sign of depression: I have zero interest in football so far this year. That might be because it's well over 80 degrees out even still and it doesn't feel like football time; but I also thought the NFL would be a bit too rah-rah America for me right now. And I'm eating lower-carb, and don't need to be exposed to a ton of ads for stuff I'm not eating right now. And I hate gambling ads: I've been doing this blog long enough that it remembers when the NFL's official line was "gambling is bad" and the NFL doesn't even pretend anymore. And I've never paid to watch a football game, and I'll be cold in my grave before I watch a goddamn game on YouTube or Amazon. And the Cowboys are going to be awful: I don't blame the players or general staff, but somehow Jerry Jones is going to continue making a ton of money off the team even if they never win two playoff games in a row again in his lifetime, or mine. Prove me wrong, guys! Prove me wrong. Maybe I'll feel differently before the season is over, but for now if I'm in on Sunday, I'll think I'll put on DVD's. Or, like I did this Sunday, go on a downloading spree over at Internet Archive! That and I fell off Nine Inch Nails like, um, almost thirty years ago? An ex...actually, a couple exes ruined them for me; but I was listening to the new Tron: Uprising soundtrack, and saw some others I liked, so back I guess?  

6. I'm getting older--which, admittedly, is generally how it works, and obviously, if I remember when Nine Inch Nails was a new band--but I still don't take any medication or anything regularly. Which I mention because I'm somehow still exposed to a seemingly dangerous amount of ads for assorted drugs. If you live outside of the U.S.--first of all, congratulations--but in this country, and maybe only New Zealand, "direct to consumer" drug advertising is allowed. This is in the hopes that you the viewer will then decide that such-and-such will cure your specific ailments, and that you'll hound your doctor to prescribe it to you, as opposed to maybe letting your doctor figure out what you need? God, I hate business. This is also a downside to an aging population: if you're young and hip enough that you don't watch TV with ads like a medieval peasant, you probably aren't seeing them, but rest assured they're annoying as hell and have set both society and musical theatre back like two hundred years. I have no goddamn idea what my "A-1-C" is and I don't care to learn, and Jardiance could taste like pumpkin pie and friggin' cure death, I still won't take it: I hate their ads that much. (OK, a generic, maybe; presumably it tastes like pumpkin pie without whipped cream.) Also, it's cool cool cool that this country's trying to roll back birth control and abortion rights, but sanitized generic Viagra spots on TV are acceptable. Raise the double standard!

That said, I am going to schedule Covid and flu shots. I'm curious, if they'll ask if I "need" them because of a pre-existing condition. Yeah, I'd die of guilt if I didn't do something easy and instead got somebody else sick; how's that? RFK's lunacy has worn thin for me--like New York's current Mayor Adams, he was amusing in a guy-yelling-on-a-street-corner fashion, but definitely not somebody that should be making decisions like he is. I'm pretty sure he has some opinions--and, god forbid, plans--about autism, that I find beyond reprehensible. I gotta admit, he worries me.

7. OK, a more cheerful point: Dark Horse is collecting Nerd Inferno: the Essential Evan Dorkin! Milk & Cheese! Dork! The Eltingville Club! Dead serious here: I have probably 95% or more of that already and I am so buying this one. How to put this...there a lot of creators and storytellers out there that I like, or I enjoy their work. Dorkin might be one of the few that I genuinely admire. He's always been up-front about his shortcomings and failings--I don't think a lot of people would be as open about projects that didn't work as he is, or his anxiety problems. And through it all, he has done stuff that just makes me laugh, even years later. Get it, get it, get it.