AI could never...well, in kayfabe maybe, but...

 

One of my favorite albums ever, well, I feel pretty confident in saying you've never heard of it, unless you've heard me natter on about it before: Servotron's No Room for Humans. Think surf-guitar Devo: their gimmick was, the band was robots, cheerfully preaching robot superiority and the glorious impending extinction of humans. I always thought it could've been popular with the Big Bang Theory crowd, although the AI apocalypse is less fun-sounding now; but it's still a fun listen. (There's a tribute song to the 'Creator,' Robby the Robot; and another to V.I.C.I. of reviled sitcom Small Wonder! Also songs referencing R5-D4 from Star Wars and Magnus, Robot Fighter!) But, today it came to mind with a very timely comic! From 1991, Uncle Scrooge #252, "No Room for Human Error" Written by John Lustig, art by William Van Horn.

It's a more-stressful than usual day at Scrooge McDuck's money bin, as it's parole day for the Beagle Boys: after a drill goes badly, the nephews point out his accountants aren't really prepared to be his first line of defense. Which leaves junior assistant janitor Donald, who has enthusiastically, if not skillfully, been setting homemade traps all over the place. Like a kiddie pool, with "Old Iron Beak," a bitey turtle Donald picked up cheap at "a holistic pet shop!" Frustrated, Scrooge fumes that when he was "a mere quintillionaire" he could protect his fortune himself, but the nephews again advise he can't expect his regular workers to double as guards: they weren't trained for it, and were only human. An innocent phrase, that causes more problems...

Scrooge orders Donald to disarm and dismantle his traps (although Donald loses count, how many were there?) and disappears for a few days, returning with some high-end protection: the Perfecto 4000! With a new robot guard, there was no need to keep Donald on payroll--or the accounting staff! A giddy Scrooge is thrilled to have no staff and no mistakes; until Perfecto gives him his own walking papers: after all, a perfect robot could do his job better than him. Donald has a laugh about that, but Scrooge says he'll fix Perfecto's hash...unfortunately, the cops are routed by the robot, and decide Perfecto was, um, out of their jurisdiction. (Remember, kids: cops aren't legally required to help you! Although they usually help those with big bankrolls more than here.) After the army likewise gets its ass beat, Donald suggests a deal with the devil(s), the Beagle Boys! Who winkingly protest, they'd never steal from their employer: that would be unethical! Although, their contract might be a bit of robbery--they want sick leave and a health plan? If you have one, why do you need the other? Chiselers.

The Beagle Boys already had a plan--actually, a robbery, already in progress. Namely, distracting Perfecto, with 9999 Beagle Boy inflatable dolls, while they tunneled underneath the money bin...OK, the Beagle Boys had two bicycle pumps, to blow up 9999 decoys, each of which was about the size of a regular person. Not only would that take, like a hundred years, but the guys doing the pumping would be friggin' pumped themselves at the end of it! Still, Perfecto isn't fooled long, and catches up to them, and plans to murder them, but not to be cruel: he won't laugh about it, until after. Still, a reflected blast destroys the robot; but Scrooge's victory is short-lived, as now the Beagle Boys were free to loot the place. Their victory is likewise brief, as they trigger the last of Donald's boobytraps, which doesn't work as designed but leaves the Beagle Boys stick in a trough full of glue.

As the cops take away the Beagle Boys, Scrooge is left to ponder: he had the perfect guard, the world's toughest vault, and a flawless plan; yet what saved the day? The world's biggest bungler, Donald Duck! Scrooge rehires Donald, as senior assistant janitor--at least until Old Iron Beak bites Scrooge again. 

So, what have we learned? I don't think AI stans read period, let alone read comics, but right off the top: what's to stop your AI/robot whatsit from deciding you don't serve any useful purpose? Moreover, if said AI malfunctions, what provisions do you have in place as back-ups? I'm thinking of a lot of idiots that have seemingly lost whatever ability to write a bloody email that they may have previously had; but I'm old enough to remember how to maybe process a business transaction without computers; a mostly lost skill, that could maybe make a big comeback...