I was going to compare and contrast caption boxes in Unknown Soldier and Deadpool, but...

...it's not like comparing apples and oranges, more like apples and...Oompa-Loompas, or something. Deadpool's caption boxes are mental illness played for laughs, or as a narrative device to take the place of a supporting cast. In the Unknown Soldier, though, that little voice in his head is much, much worse: it's the manifestation of whatever training Dr. Moses Lwanga received that made him the Soldier, a secret that still hasn't been revealed in the book to the reader or to Moses. And that voice might be running the show when Moses isn't looking...


Of course, whereas Deadpool's basically a lighthearted romp through the Marvel universe, Unknown Soldier's setting is based on real-world events in Uganda circa 2002, and it doesn't paint a pretty picture of things. It's not like even the old Our Army at War version was a laugh a minute, but it reads like a screwball comedy compared to this version. Dysart's Soldier is bleak even moreso than the Garth Ennis miniseries, so you know that's bleak. Therefore, unlike most of the comics I buy, Unknown Soldier isn't an easy read. But whatever atrocities you might see in the comic, far worse happened in real life, and with no bandaged antihero to try to steer things along the right way.

Scans from Unknown Soldier #18, "Dry Season, conclusion" Written by Joshua Dysart, art by Alberto Ponticelli. I don't think the single-issue sales for this book are great, but they should be. I lucked into a batch of issues at a dollar a piece, and it's on my pull list now, for as long as it runs...

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Blitzen's right, Static! I haven't seen the bang babies since 2001!
Originally uploaded by googum.

Most of you probably have someone you know whom...whom? Who? Trying to be all proper...whom you think is criminally underappreciated. A friend, coworker, relative that you know is attractive, funny, and charming; but no one else seems to think so. You can plainly see how incredible this person is, but this hypothetical friend is still dateless, considered plain, or just outright ignored.

Yeah, that'd be Static. And Xombi. Pretty much all of Milestone, I suppose. The line lasted more or less three years, but I don't know if the sales were ever great, or if it was merely the 90's crash that finished them off. I was living in Montana at the time, and I only knew one other guy who read them, and he got mad at Blood Syndicate for killing off his favorite three issues in. (Of course, that he had a favorite after three issues of a new title is impressive in itself, isn't it?)

But Static had a lot going for it. The stories remind me of the old Lee/Ditko Spider-Man, updated for the 90's, minus Peter's general self-loathing and recriminations over his uncle's death. Virgil (name another comic character that could pull off 'Virgil.' Yeah, sit back down.) was a nerd, but he had a family and friends. He had a girlfriend, and he had his confidente Frieda, the only person who knew he was Static.

Hey, was Frieda in the cartoon version? I've barely seen any of it, but I don't think she was, which is a big strike against it. Also, Static's original black costume, with his rotating assortment of baseball caps, worked a lot more for me than the animated costume--which he wears briefly in this limited, having put it together in a sporting goods store on the fly.

Why this particular panel, rather than one of Static in costume? It struck me as odd when I saw it, to see a comic character on a bicycle. Granted, there are far more characters that fly or drive Batmobiles or Fantasticars; but I think the real reason for the omission is that drawing bikes is probably a pain.

I just got my bike tuned up, which with repairs was a hundred bucks, making my wife wonder if it's worth it compared to driving. After being lazy and driving all winter, I rode in to work this morning about 4:30. Love it, although I confess I was a little wobbly at first. Could've used my gloves, but I couldn't find them and had to go--since I leave so early, I pretty much get up and get dressed in the dark, which probably shows. I like the exercise, I like the smug feeling of superiority blended with the occasional thrill of a near-miss that I get from biking, I like spending less on gas and more on comics and toys.

I don't like that this is the longest entry I've had all week and it boils down to 'I like my bike.' Things will have settled down for me hopefully by the time I post this, so maybe I'll get back to 'work.'

By the way, I lost several issues of Static due to flooding, and there's just about the right number of issues for a Showcase volume, DC...

From Static Shock #1, "As I was Saying Before I was Interrupted..."; Written by Dwayne McDuffie, art by John Paul Leon.
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Twenty zombie books on the shelves now, and this should be the best of them.


From Xombi #17, "Hidden Cities, Chapter 1: Prophecies" Written by John Rozum, art by J.J. Birch.

Even though it made some interesting forays into the Milestone universe, even when it was coming out a lot of people thought Xombi should have been a Vertigo comic. Mmmmaybe. Starting January 1994, it lasted 22 issues in a comics market that was starting to compress. Would it have done better at Vertigo? No one can say. The book was already bucking art trends (Birch draws a ton of weird stuff, but in a non-showy, anti-Image manner) and was a Mature Readers book in a line that hadn't had that before.

The title character, David Kim, never refers to himself as a 'Xombi' or a superhero. He was a research scientist in the then-nouveau field of nanotechnology: tiny, building machines, that could change a substance at the atomic level. Nearly killed during a bizarre theft of his research, he has his assistant inject him with the nanites to repair him, which they do, with unfortunate consequences. From there, the nanites don't leave his body, making him impossible to kill.

A friend of mine thought that was a terrible power, and he has a point: David wasn't more resistant to injury or invulnerable. He didn't even get claws or unbreakable bones out of the deal. It's a power that seems difficult to make dramatic or flashy for the covers: in his #0 issue, David gets chopped into hamburger, recovers. Even with a Walt Simonson cover, you couldn't put that on there.

For the rest of the series, David struggles with the consequences of his powers, and to escape from or control his emersion into the unseen world of magic and weirdness. An ongoing subplot that sadly never got to come to the forefront was David's fiance, who had been working in Europe up until the last issue, as David tried to find a way to explain what had happened to him. As his friend and mentor Rabbi Sinnowitz tells him, "There is no right way to explain it. Some ways are more wrong than others."

Sadly, even with accolades from Harlan Ellison and Alan Moore, and promo opportunities like 99-cent issues, Xombi faded just before the rest of Milestone. Then, the internet wasn't the clog-of-blogs that it is today; and I can't help wondering if it might have had a better chance if fans had been able to promote it online more. Check out the quarter bins: there may not be a ton of these issues, but they're a worthwhile read if you see them. For more Milestone info and highlights, check out Munson's Milestone Monday's. Or your local library, if they have a good selection of defunct 90's universes... Read more!

X-Force? 130+ issues.
Bill and Ted's Excellent Comic Book? 13.

As usual, I blame you.

To be honest, I'm not 100% sure I read, or more accurately paid for, the first few issues of Bill and Ted's, or even Fight-Man. I was young and stupid and you're all paying for it, I'm afraid.

So don't buy comics you're going to regret in five or ten years. Buy those books that you know deserve it, that need your support, that will reward you with continued excellence years down the line. Put down that comic you're just buying to keep your run going or out of habit or to bitch about online.

Yeah, you've heard that tune before, which means as you might have guessed, I was running late today. But you got a couple panels from Bill and Ted's Excellent Comic Book #10, written and drawn by Evan Dorkin, inked by Marie Severin; out of the deal. Look grateful. Read more!