Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Buying lingerie this holiday season?
Yeah, way better than jewelry! Why, I'm giving homemade undergarments to everyone this year!
Don't drop the ball like the Scarecrow here. Let's look at what he's done wrong:

1. Giving lingerie on the first date is a ballsy move, but one that should be reserved for your Hal Jordan-pretty man types, not for anyone with an underbite you could hang your coat on.

2. If you're looking for your female counterpart, your 'Harley Quinn' as it were; maybe you want to let her approach you, so you know she's committed to it. Nothing sucks worse than coming up with a good sidekick name, then blowing it on someone who's not interested.

3. The Scarecrow doesn't have a good sidekick/counterpart name: "Mistress of Fear" makes "Batgirl" sound like it took three years of market research to come up with.

4. With the mask and all, the girl would look less like the "Mistress of Fear," and more like "Lady Sexbag." Or possibly, "Double Bagger"--that's a name that strikes fear in the hearts of men! Plus, I really doubt all that straw hair is comfortable, or flame retardant, and that's the sort of thing that's going to come up again.

5. In a world where Black Canary and Zatanna are public figures, giving a girl fishnet stockings seems risky. And that's even by these standards, risky: "I want you to dress up like a sexy Scarecrow! A sexy Zatanna Scarecrow! Baby, wait, come back!"

6. And always, always, always: aim a size or two small. It's flattering, and ahem, flattering. Can't stress that one enough, guys...

Very often, I'm completely glad to be out of the dating scene.

From New Year's Evil: Scarecrow, "Mistress of Fear" Written by Peter Milligan, art by Duncan Fegredo. (Jason Pearson cover, although I don't know why not Fegredo.) I recall another Batman story or two from Fegredo, but it seems like those barely had Batman in them either. I also don't know why I ever say what I've got planned for the week, I'm always wrong.

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