Hey, a review! S.T.O.P. vs. S.C.U.M!

I wrote this for Articulated Discussion a while back; then yesterday I saw knockoff Transformers in the grocery store and thought of it again. Christmas is coming, and while it's always good to give toys, if you can cough up the extra green, don't get the knockoffs, bootlegs, or pirated figures...like today's figures!

Some years ago, I was in a dollar store and saw a terrible, almost-melted knockoff action figure. It wasn't the real draw, though: it's package proclaimed him as "World's Greatest Terrorist." Man, I wish I'd bought that thing.


So, when I saw today's figures in the dollar store, I wasn't going to make the same mistake in missing out...well, "missing out" is a bit strong, there; and I'm pretty sure I don't have to worry about that. Today, we've got...I don't know who made these. Greenbrier Distributing? Homieshop? Look, it's not worth the thought I'm giving it: S.T.O.P. vs. S.C.U.M.'s Lady Lead and Skull Hawk.

I guess the theory is kids love acronyms. I'll scan the backs, since I'm not typing all that backstory. But they at least sprung for knockoff filecards and the five figures on the back change depending on which one you bought. The packaging is...functional; in that it keeps the figures from lying there in a pile. And, it's not airtight, so any toxic fumes probably dissipated on the ride here from China! That's a plus!


Ohmygod, I'm at the point in this where I have to open these. Worse, since I bought them full price, I have to score them?

Sculpt: I've been playing with some sculpey lately, and have realized I can not sculpt for anything. So, there should be some points for getting a humanoid shape with recognizable gun-things. 1! This is the bottom of the barrel. Lady Lead's sculpt is particularly horrifying, though. Reminds me of a character from the Road Warrior, and I sure as fun don't mean Virginia Hey...Also, both figures' weapons are sculpted into their hands, so no accessories.


Paint: Oh, god, why did I sniff it when I opened the package! There was a skunky wiff, but not the eyewatering toxic discharge you sometimes get with dollar store toys. As far as the paint on the actual figures...I think that was the best Skull Hawk on the pegs, which incidentally aren't open-hooked, so I had to take a bunch off the peg entirely, which exposed me to more public scrutiny then I would expect at a dollar store. There are a couple of halfway decent tampos, tattoos on both figures; and it's not like the paint was gonna improve these things. The guns on LL are the worst. 2.


Articulation: A bit of a crapshoot here, since the plastic is a little soft and has a bit of give, which makes the joints seem more joint-like than they actually are. They actually tried to make swivel-hinges for the elbows, though! Between the paint and the plastic, you may or may not be able to move them, but it's definitely an E for effort. "Lady" Lead's hips are incredibly loose--that's not a joke. I got her to stand up once and called it good. 2.

Fun: Aside from harshing on them here? Not a lot of fun. If you've got a ton--and I mean a ton of Dreadnoks or something, and you want some background figures for them...these would still be a poor choice. And I'm not going to recommend breathing in the fumes for fun, either. 1.

Value: Well, Lady Lead and Skull Hawk were a dollar a piece...but a dollar for crap still isn't a value. Hell, earlier this year I got movie Joes for .88 a pop! It's a 1!


Overall: 7. I don't even remember if that was out of 25, 50, or 100, but even so. This has gotta be the worst thing ever here. But, if you pick up one for comparison purposes, it'll make you appreciate that Star Wars or Marvel or G.I. Joe or whatever figure that cost $9.99. Man, Is it Fun? made this look easy when they did the Corps! figures...I think I need to open a window, get some air, and leave this to the pros at The Undiscovered Playthings...