There's next year's Halloween costume right there!

This story made me wonder if the Beagle Boys had acheived folk-hero status in Duckberg, as dressing up like a burglar doesn't seem to raise any eyebrows. Then again, I don't think I've ever seen a devil costume outside of an old Three Stooges. From 1990, Walt Disney's Donald Duck Adventures #7, "It's in the Bag!" Story and art by William Van Horn.

A not-so-friendly bet goes predictably awry, as Donald bets the nephews he could get scads more candy then them at Halloween. The boys scoff that Donald couldn't lug a pound of candy around without collapsing from exhaustion, and it's on: Donald throws on a handy devil suit, from when he was a tamale salesman in La Jolla...are we sure this isn't Daredevil's secret origin? Donald gets 'trick' repeatedly, from locals who think he's too old to be trick-or-treating. When outright theft fails, Donald is forced to change tactics, and tries to hit up the upper-crust section of town...where a burglar is already making the scene! A fun one, where Donald comes up on top in the end.

Another burglar strikes, in "Bedtime Spooks," then it's first aid vs. archaeology in "Duck-ankhamen," where the boys tape Donald up like a mummy to get their Junior Woodchuck badges-slash-shut him up for five seconds. Donald then falls into a dig, proving a local professor's pet theory about a connection between ancient Egypt and Duckberg...somehow. The details are still fuzzy, but a mummy's pretty good proof, right? And the safety pin, why, that's been around for...thousands of years...Someone is so fired. (Dialogue by Bob Foster, art by Vicar.) Read more!

80-Page Thursdays: House of Mystery #252!

I'm slightly swamped with real-world concerns--nothing earth-shaking, just time-consuming and/or labor-intensive--but we haven't had an 80-pager here since January, and that feels long enough. Also, the framing device for this issue reminds me of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, so there's that! From 1977, House of Mystery #252, featuring stories by Paul Kupperberg, Sergio Aragonés, David Michelinie, and others; and art by Aragonés, Frank Redondo, Frank Robbins, John Calnan, and others. Cover by Neal Adams!

The House plays a big role this month, as a construction crew has orders to demolish the condemned structure. Slob of a supervisor 'Ralph' (or, at least he's wearing Ralph's helmet!) tells Cain he can take it up with the city, but orders were orders. Cain warns him, he's not the first to trifle with the House, and it's not gone well for others before him. Case in point, the opening story, "The Devil Strikes at My Old Kentucky Home!" A pair of investors buy an delapidated old house to turn into a 'haunted' amusement park; but one is getting a serious bad vibe from the place and can't convince his partner, even when creepies and crawlies start appearing. A mysterious stranger--that's obviously Cain, his silhouette is as distinctive as Batman's!--warns the fraidy-cat partner, while the other one ends up falling out a window. The house--which is of course the capital-H House--is sold at a loss to movie producers, who are scared off immediately by the seemingly self-appointed caretaker, Cain.

"The House Called Blefestry" has a mysterious title and some tight art by Alfredo Alcala; but also reads like several pages fell out of the script. Then, in "The Man Who Saw Tomorrow!" a baron tortures an alchemist for his secret to predicting the future, despite warnings. If you believed the guy could predict the future, maybe you should've listened? Next, A Bucket of Blood--er, "Markham's Masterpiece." Frustrated janitor Markham wants to be a great artist, but lacks time, training, resources, talent...few strikes against him. Then, he saves an old lady from getting hit by a bus, and she gifts him one of her chrome statues. When a museum bigwig sees it later, he thinks maybe Markham's got something after all, and wants to arrange a show; so he befriends the old woman and gets her to give him more and more statues. It's going great, until she sees his feature in the paper, with her statues: well, probably just a mistake, she can clear that right up--yeah, you know what Markham's going to do next, right? Later, Markham is out of her work, and tries her secret workroom; which I kind of doubt was going to go well for him even before the old lady's ghost shows up. Markham would've probably lost both his thumbs if she had let him try his hand at her machines.

"Grim Choice!" is like a horse-racing version of Stephen King's classic "Survivor Type," as a tycoon is disappointed on a buying trip in Argentina, until he spots a suspiciously-fast horse headed for the dog-food factory: the horse had only been caught because it wouldn't leave its mom, and might've had a strong pedigree. The tycoon has visions of the winners' circle; but when their plane goes down in the Andes, he's forced to first kill the other survivors, to keep them from eating the horse, then kill the horse when they run out of hay, then eat the horse to survive until rescue. Yeesh. Of course, no happy ending, which isn't exactly fair play, but oh well. In "Mankillers" a wizard shames a band of barbarians into supporting his campaign to slay some Amazons and take their gold: short, and no sale! Then, back to another House: the House of Secrets! Who is thrilled they're getting rid of that eyesore across the street, the House of Mystery; at least until Joe Orlando and Jenette Kahn show up with big plans to expand, and move Cain and his staff in! HoS spends most of the story giving Abel the business; Orlando and Kahn don't much notice, but aren't thrilled with the new locale anyway.

Meanwhile, Ralph hasn't been swayed by Cain's stories, so now it was time for Destiny to step in--the hooded horror host, that is--with another tale, "From Beyond the Grave!" Nice Alex Nino art here, as an old woman laments her lost fiancé, killed on their wedding day, fifty years ago. When the city workers tell her they have to move his grave, they promise not to disturb him; but she asks if she can have him, for one night...You know, I'm pretty soft-hearted. An old lady crying, hell, I'd probably cave too, even if there's obviously no way anything good was gonna happen there. Even Destiny can't deter Ralph, and the wrecking ball swings for the House...which simply dodges it. That puts the workers off, leaving Cain and Destiny to the House, which might be a bit of a mess: contents may have shifted there. 

Also this issue: another USPS Statement of Ownership. Average number of copies sold during preceding 12 months (total paid circulation): 124,000. Actual number sold for issue nearest filing date (total paid circulation): 87,583.

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"List."

I'm not sure if I have a copy of it handy, but Crystar #3 guest-stars Doctor Strange, as some of the Crystal Warriors end up at the Sanctum Sanctorum; which gets title billing! ("The Sanctum Sanctorum of Doctor Strange!") There's a neat little piece of worldbuilding, as one mentions Strange's library is filled with more books than he thought were in the whole of Crystalium; as they seemed to have a lot of crystals growing but not a lot of trees. So, they would probably be interested in trading for notebooks and pens, among other stuff.

I don't necessarily want to see a Frank Castle vs. Weirdworld book; I just like the idea that he's still out there. Probably blowing up orcs or something. Marvel was maybe trying to push Weirdworld around the same time they were really pushing the Inhumans, and neither really took? They're both still out there; just not as big as they tried to make them. 

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Ah, got my Mojo rising after all!

I was really sweating this last Friday, when the tracking said the last piece for Mojo would be delivered before six or nine or whatever, and the package was in Ohio. (My location isn't exactly secret, but spoiler alert: it ain't Ohio!) Of course, it would turn up Monday, and at long last we've got a Mojo! Counting from the first piece, it took me 17 years, 6 months, and 29 days to complete him. Previously, it took me seven and a half years to finish Giant-Man, and four years and change for Red Hulk. Man, I'm hoping I don't have those Totally Awesome Hulk parts in the drawer for anywhere near that long. 

I swear I saw TWO complete Mojo's for sale at the toy show last Saturday. Mr. Morbid asked me how I did there, and I almost sent him this:

...which feels like me wearing the action-figure equivalent of a dunce cap.

That aside, it was actually a pretty good show! And like I do every toy show, I ended up buying way more comics than toys. I just do, OK? I did get Avalanche cheap, but you should get him cheap: until you've got a solid Brotherhood of Evil Mutants going, you need him for what? Nothing! Then we got Spat and Grovel...do I know which is which? The girl's Spat, right? Huh, and Grovel can talk? I wouldn't have bet on that. Both of their Marvel Wiki entries point out their creators, Scott Lobdell and Joe Madureira, seemingly went out of their way to make them as unmarketable as action figures as goddamn possible; which Toy Biz seemed to take as a challenge. A challenge they would fail; their figures were clogging up KB Toys for years: ironically, they were part of a three figure series called "Marvel's Most Wanted," with X-Man and Blink, who actually sold. Spat and Grovel haven't appeared in comics in well over 20 years, but some action figure fans will remember them like an old acquaintance they used to see all the time. (Weird, I think we've brought up KB pegwarmers twice in the last week; yet they did far, far less damage than Bain Capital...) Anyway, the guy selling them had originally intended to use Grovel in a Jabba's palace display; and I bought them because maybe they'll go with Ka-Zar and Zabu here in a bit. (I'm probably gonna have to order a case there rather than chance it; the Cable figure already seems like it's going to be a pain in the ass to find, and Zabu missing a leg would break my tender heart...)

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The cover has a hint, but it would've been a deep cut in 1995.

I grabbed a random issue of this the other day, since I could kind of place when it was from by the cover (and the big OverPower ad on the back) but had no other knowledge of it going in. And it references another title I had mmmmmmaybe vaguely heard of? From 1995, Nocturne #2, "Through the Looking Glass" Written by Dan Abnett, pencils by Rafael (Jose) Fonteriz, inks by John Stokes.

In the first issue, young documentarian Gray Poldark discovers that his pulp radio hero Night Raven had actually been real, and had hidden clues to his secret lair in his broadcasts...and his initials. N.R. for "Noise Reduction"! He follows the clues to an underground lair, and discovers a strange costume, far more advanced than the science of Night Raven's time could have produced. He then finds himself in battle with the undead Joker-like zombie Suture; but that was only a probable future, projected by the suit, called Nocturne. Trying the suit again, Gray is taken on a virtual visit to the past, right before the decrepit Night Raven died, in 1951. Gray isn't sold on taking up N.R.'s crusade, but is told it was going to happen, and that the suit could show him past or future to help. Also, your next test should be starting right about...now!

In the present, with the lair flooding, Gray puts on the suit and barely escapes, aided by a mysterious woman, who introduces herself as Mischief. That...that is a costume, all right. Night Raven had asked her to check on whoever got the suit, and she would still be around to do so, since she was a vampire. In spite of himself, Gray is pretty much onboard by this point, and rushes to rescue the kidnapped (and older than dirt) assistant to Night Raven; but then has to face Suture, for real...

If you're a big Alan Moore fan, you might recognize the original vigilante Night Raven, since Moore did a few stories with him; and he had been co-created by future V for Vendetta artist David Lloyd. (Weirdly, I just read that again the other day!) Nocturne isn't set in the Marvel Universe proper; and Night Raven has maybe shown up a few times since, like a cameo in the Twelve; because for some fans this would've felt like starting the story with like Batman or the Shadow dying and some new kid from nowhere getting the name. (I was going to say the Phantom, but that was actually built into that one!) I wanted to say Nocturne had a bit of a Batman Beyond feel, with a young newbie taking up a heroic mantle largely with the help of a tricked-out suit; but this would've predated Beyond by like four years! I also thought this would've been from one of Marvel's periodic attempts to flood the market, but man, checking Mike's, there were a ton of books out that month! Read more!

That talk about dropping you to your death? Aw, that was just playful banter, baby!

I'm super-behind this week, but honestly, it usually takes me like two or three tries to blog a whole one of these, anyway. From 1964, Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen #77, "The Colossus of Metropolis!" Written by Leo Dorfman (probably), pencils by Curt Swan, inks by George Klein.

I know I was yelling 'Priorities!' at Supergirl the other day, but here we've got Superman putting a secret safe in for Jimmy, before investigating a time warp to the past. Still, Jimmy has a lot of crap that probably should be under lock and key; like the serums he used for temporary powers. He had recently been made an honorary Legionnaire, and Colossal Boy gave him some growth serum? Really? Somehow, that reminds me of a Smothers Brothers bit: "...no matter how many frequent flier miles you have, they don't upgrade you to 'pilot.'" Jimmy also has pictures--not like that, you pervs!--of the assorted girls he'd loved and lost (mostly lost) over the years, as well as of Lucy Lane, who is described as having brushed him off for years. But, he was meeting her later at the airport; where Lucy's plane lands and is greeted by...Titano? The giant ape with Kryptonite vision?

Ostensibly to prevent panic, but probably more to be the center of attention, Lucy tells the story of Titano's origin...which doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense, let's face facts. I could accept a irradiated test-monkey growing huge; that's an old standard; but how in Rao's name did it get Kryptonite-vision? Does it just radiate that all the time, or only when it sees Superman...? I know, I know: it's got Kryptonite vision so the story will last longer than two panels, but still. A pilot also questions how did Titano get back to the present, after Superman left it in dinosaur times; but no time for that now...or at all. Moving on! Titano grabs Lucy, because...she's kind-of close to Lois? I guess? And Superman gets dropped with the K-vision; so it's up to Jimmy to leap into action with his elastic fluid...I'm kidding, he puts on Colossal Boy's outfit, and takes the growth serum. Aside: I hate the old Colossal Boy outfit. Like, it's from 1960, and it looked dated then.

To his credit, Jimmy doesn't wade in and try to punch it out with Titano--he would die. Instead, he tries to trick the giant monkey, with a disturbing man-sized puppet from a barber shop. Unfortunately, Titano sees the barbers, and decides to imitate that, so we get the tableau of a giant ape shaving a giant Jimmy. I--just--give me a second...god, my head hurts. Next, a playful romp in the sea, some ringtoss with another huge advertising display, and the cops show up and knock Titano out with gas. Which gives Jimmy the chance to rescue Lucy from a high ledge, to be the hero...and he absolutely blows it by being a colossal dick. Superman is about to step in, but Jimmy says he was only joking. I know he was, and I absolutely understand the urge to throw Lucy into the stratosphere; but not okay. Even more weirdly, a spaceship shows up, with giant queen Allura, who just happened to be "passing your planet." Stalker! Also, back in the sixties, the phrase "giant queen" meant something different; she was a literal fifty-foot-tall space monarch from Jimmy Olsen #64. She wants Jimmy, and he's like hey, why not? Except the serum only had a temporary effect: that's embarrassing, but better she find out now than their wedding night. (Hey-o!)

Allura still helps out, though; putting on a wig to vaguely resemble a giant Lois Lane and lure Titano onto her ship. (He was friendly enough, just huge and destructive.) Jimmy gets shot down by Lucy, rather deservedly this time; and later Superman and Jimmy watch a feed of Titano, with a new ape girlfriend, under the twin suns of Allura's world. (Wait; on that cover, she said Jimmy would have super-powers under those suns...somehow. Would Titano have like, double-super-powers now?) Jimmy feels like Titano made a monkey out of him, as he is once again left to sugar his own churro. Que malo! I haven't even tried to read the rest of this issue yet, since I feel like this story gave me a concussion or psychic damage or something; like my brain is going to leak out of my nose. Read more!

Look, I've read more issues of VEXT than I have of MIRACLEMAN; but I think I'm OK with that?

Oof, we saw an old issue over a decade ago, and we're just now checking out another one? Although I'm not sure why, either. From 2015, All-New Miracleman Annual #1, featuring "October Incident: 1966" Written by Grant Morrison, art by Joe Quesada; and "Seriously Miraculous" Written by Peter Milligan, art by Mike Allred.

There's been a lot of Miracleman discussion this week, mostly to the effect of, why aren't people more hyped for it? And the general consensus seems to be, either Marvel botched the relaunch, or it's been so long since the original stories nobody cares or remembers anymore. Both things are kinda true: I've read a lot of comics, but not much Miracleman, since it was a pain in the ass to track down, and why bother, since I think it just ended mid-stream. After years of false starts and fights over the rights, now Marvel's got them, but seems almost willfully incapable of getting a good trade program going. It should probably be an evergreen seller like Watchmen or Dark Knight Returns, but Marvel maybe tried to pad out sales by including "classic" Marvelman stories; which might be interesting in a historical context, but weren't integral to the story. Moreover, Alan Moore may have requested they leave his name out of it, which probably didn't help matters. Still, it's weird that "October Incident: 1966" was written around 1984, per the back matter, then not published until thirty years later when Quesada asked if Morrison still had the script. And while there are allusions and symbolism and a bunch of stuff the back matter had to explain to me, it's still a bit slight: Johnny Bates, a.k.a. Kid Miracleman, returns; and kills a priest on a rainy beach. Cheekily, Bates is drawn to look and dress like Morrison circa 1984! Very mod. If you had read more Miracleman than I have, it probably would resonate more.

The second story, Milligan and Allred's "Seriously Miraculous," is in the style of Golden Age Marvelman stories, with Miracleman and his sidekicks Kid Miracleman and Young Miracleman fighting their usual baddies, the King of Boromania, Young Nastyman, Gargunza, and in what appears to be an unlicensed Simpsons crossover, Snorky. (OK, they're dolphins pissed about illegal waste dumping, but yeah.) Miracleman is starting to question the reality of his world, but doesn't push it too hard...yet. This was a $4.99 book, but with only 21 pages of actual comics; and like 15 pages of script and process and blah, blah, blah. I don't mean to be down on it; but this must be what superhero comics are like for people who don't read superhero comics: if you weren't already a Miracleman fan, this wasn't going to do anything for you. Maybe if Marvel ever gets it together, in easy to read and track down trades; but until then, it will probably remain something I know of, rather than actually appreciate. Read more!