I was in a positively dire mood the other day, so I went to my local Comic Book Shop, and they had once again salted their cheap rack with books they know damn well I'm going to buy. Weird War, Time Twisters, Gold Key stuff! Flash Gordon versus Shark Men? I'm not made of stone! From 1979, Flash Gordon #21, "Wolf in the Fold" Written by John Warner, art by Frank Bolle.

The assorted battles and wars on planet Mongo had probably gone back-and-forth a few times at this point; with Ming currently less the imperial tyrant and more like a terrorist plotting against everyone. His Shark Men forces had infiltrated Prince Barin's Arboria, and one of Barin's most trusted men, Ferro, was also a Ming follower. The Shark Men plot to blow up a power plant and capture Dale Arden after she spots them, but she manages to free herself and fight the hell out of them; like this one she karate-chops in the spine? Kidney? Something.

In the end, Ferro kills his Shark Man partner, to save Barin; but not out of returning loyalty: the Shark Men's plan had failed, there was no force to occupy the city, so killing Barin then wouldn't accomplish anything. Not yet, anyway...Ferro sells it well, making himself seem like a leading citizen. I did pick up a couple more issues of this; I wonder if this plot goes on...

Also this issue: a Thor Hostess Twinkies ad I don't think I had seen before! Read more!

Scientists who only care about their research, working for a crazed dictator? Enh, I'm sure it'll turn out fine.

Usually when we see a Gold Key issue, the cover is the strongest component, but today the interiors are pretty good too! From 1978, Flash Gordon #20, "Citadel" Written by John Warner, art by Carlos Garzon.

Ming knows Flash, Dale, and Zarkov were back on Mongo; and nearing Citadel, his "city of science." The city's ruler, the radiant Queen Auralon, seems more interested in Zarkov; but she also appears to be literally glowing. Flash and crew fight giant bats on the ice, that are impervious to their usual ray guns; but are saved by Citadel guards with black-light weapons. Captured, they are taken to the city, and meet Auralon through hologram, which she refers to as a "security precaution." The scientists of the city don't really want to work for Ming, but don't have much choice: Auralon had been researching immortality, and she might have achieved it, with the unfortunate side effect of emitting lethal radiation. I'm mildly surprised that's a deal-breaker for Ming, but he does like his brides, I suppose, and probably wouldn't much care for them being immortal too. While Flash and Dale make an escape attempt, and realize the black-light guns only work on the bats; Zarkov makes a deal with Auralon, who's willing to betray Ming for a cure.

Ming and his disgraced, on-his-last-chance warlord ride to the Citadel on lizard mounts; since he had set Citadel up carefully: the radiation from the weird ice prevented rockets from flying over, and the Citadel's weapons only worked on the local wildlife. Auralon doesn't think Ming will destroy the city and kill everyone, since its science was invaluable. While Zarkov starts work on a particle accelerator, with an "emergency exit" Auralon spots immediately; Flash works out a defense: driving the bats into Ming's forces. Ming is pretty sure that's Flash's doing; but by now probably attributes every misfortune to Flash: mustache a little droopy, coffee not warm enough, cloudy day, whatever.

Zarkov begins his experiment with Auralon, but he, Flash, and Dale have to leave before he can see the results. Ming arrives in Citadel, takes out a bit of frustration on Auralon's head guard, then discovers she had been cured: no longer radioactive, and seemingly maybe a couple of decades older, although she didn't care if he killed her. Although it looks like he wants to strangle her, that would be a bit much for a Gold Key book, so Ming punches his warlord instead, who considers that Ming has failed in front of men he controls. Auralon gazes wistfully out into the ice, wishing Zarkov well; while Flash and company move on to the next adventure.

There's a wordy house ad with art from this issue, in this issue; and the classic sea-monkeys ad! Hmm, maybe not the classic, looks like the price had gone up a quarter.

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I was thinking it had been a bit since I had blogged any non-Marvel/DC book, but we had a Bongo comic recently. Well then, when was the last Flash Gordon book I blogged? Eleven years ago? And it's not the first picture at the link? Maybe we'll double down today: from 2013, Flash Gordon: Zeitgeist #9, "Chapter Nine: Coronation" Plot and script by Eric Trautmann, co-plot, art direction and cover by Alex Ross, pencils by Ron Adrian, colors by Slamet Mujiono; and from 2015, Flash Gordon #8, "Stuff of Legend" Written by Jeff Parker, art by Evan Shaner, color by Jordie Bellaire.

Zeitgeist was a bit of a greatest-hits approach, taking elements from many different iterations: for example, Klytus, from the Flash Gordon movie, had a major role in the series and this issue. Both Ming and Klytus had been captured at this point, and while his various allies were on the verge of turning on each other, Flash has a conversation with Klytus about Mongo and what it would take to live there: absolutely no mercy. He doesn't think the earthlings are up to it, but there's no way he would be able to even conceive a different way. Still, even captured and missing an arm, Klytus still seems to hold a lot of cards, including his wife, who was leading a team from Mongo against the Nazis back on earth.

Forced to work with Klytus, Flash has a surprising announcement made: since he defeated Ming, he could take over...or name a regent to govern in his name. Dale Arden is named Empress of Mongo...a decision that Ming may raise an eyebrow at, but did it play into his hands? There was only one issue left, so he must've had something going.

Zeitgeist had been set in World War II, back when the original newspaper strips had been published; the Parker/Shaner version seemed to be set present day, but Ming may have rendered much of earth's technology useless: TV and computers weren't working, so newsreels and newspapers were back in business. Flash, Dale, and Zarkov return to earth this issue; with tales of Mongo and new science for rebuilding society. Only Flash seems downbeat: he was a little worried he would be seen as "too valuable to lose" and grounded, and they hadn't finished the job on Mongo. Weary from the interview circuit, Flash considers finally answering "the question they always ask," regarding his nickname. Which is somewhat more gloomy than usual, I believe.

Before their rocket can be put on a pedestal at the museum, Dale and Zarkov know Flash is their direction, and they head back into space, arriving to save Vultan from Ming. Flash impales Ming, who isn't concerned: in fact, this justifies his "practice of never appearing physically outside (his) domicile." The Ming-duplicate melts down to an eyeball and speakerbox, very retro.

This was the last issue of this series, but a new number one was forthcoming as part of Dynamite's King books with the Phantom, Mandrake, and Jungle Jim in a shared universe. (There was a Prince Valiant book as well, but I don't know if it would've tied-in.) At a glance, looks like those maybe ran four issues a piece and then a crossover in 2016-2017 that huh, got Prince Valiant in there too. I don't know that Dynamite still has the King licenses, though, and neither does Doc Shaner. While they have a variety of licensed titles, Dynamite also recently opted to publish a dire-looking Comicsgate related book. That decision may have burned a lot of goodwill; since I wouldn't want to be tied to those hatemongers.
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What I'm reading right this second (two weeks ago):

Re-read Bill Sienkiewicz's Stray Toasters this afternoon. While it's definitely not for everyone, my god, the art. I'm pretty sure it's been collected, but I have the Epic Comics issues; and it occurs to me that since those little volumes fit on my bookshelf (my creaking, overloaded bookshelf...) I read it more often than I do, say, Elektra: Assassin. And I'm just about positive I bought both of those from a used bookstore-slash-comic shop in Missoula, MT, for somewhere between dirt and cheap.


Also dirt cheap? A two-issue Flash Gordon story, from Marvel. ("Marvel Select" on the cover.) Written by Mark Schultz, art by Al Williamson; and seemingly published because it was something those two felt like doing. Without having read a lot of the old-school strips, it feels very true to them. Not a bad little read, especially as a palate cleanser after Stray Toasters, eh?

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Maybe if winter's really over, my mood'll improve. Maybe. Slowly.

If you've ever seen the first Jackass movie, there's a scene where the guys are cutting themselves or each other, and squirting lemon juice in the cuts. About halfway through the scene, Johnny Knoxville mutters "This is stupid," and wanders out of the room. That just about sums up how I felt yesterday, and maybe for most of April. I'm still kind of crabby right now, but May looks like a lot of fun coming up, so that'll improve.

Here's a knot of tangents that I've stumbled upon lately: I read Steven Grant's Permanent Damage column every week, and this week Grant mentions not caring for the recent Flash Gordon comic. (I don't know who it’s by either. I've seen a variant cover for it in some banner ads at Newsarama or somewhere, but that's it.) While he's not a fan of the character, Grant points out the old Alex Raymond Flash Gordon was dynamic and exciting; and the new one is "cookie-cutter, nondescript Amerimanga art." Which is probably true, but...

When I was younger, all I knew about Flash Gordon was the old Filmation cartoon, and the movie. The cartoon seemed cool even though I'd only seen a few of the episodes (that may have helped it, really) and my elementary school had a laserdisc player, back in the day with the plate-sized discs, and a Flash Gordon disc with about a quarter of the movie that refused to play. (Aren't there some scenes in a swamp or something?) I had either negligible or no exposure to the classic comics version of Flash.

So, when Dan Jurgens did a Flash Gordon limited series for DC, I was able to read that without a lot of preconceptions about the character. Jurgens made a few changes: Arden was a more assertive reporter than she may have been in the old strips, Ming wasn't an Asian stereotype, but the biggest changes were for Flash himself. In this version, he was a forty-year old NBA player, nearing the end of his career bitter and full of regrets. He starts out a bit of a pig, but grows over the course of the series.

I'm not sure this version appealed to the old-school fans at all, who were probably more accustomed to a traditionally heroic Flash; not a divorced dad who badmouths Star Wars and Star Trek as being for "geeks and nerds!" in his first issue.
The series had a letters column, and there were a few complaints about that one. Could you imagine someone pulling that today? It would be like Spider-Man telling the reader comics were for chronic bedwetters and credit risks.

(I really censored myself on that last line...)

But, even if it wasn't for everyone, I loved the hell out of this series. Even though I had to drive eighty miles for each issue. (Admittedly, I was probably in braces at the time, so...) Every issue ended in a cliffhanger (except the last one, duh) and these were the days before pull boxes in my area, so every month I was sweating trying to find the next one. (Tempus Fugitive was the other book I recall scrambling for, although I don't think they were at the same time. Coincidentally, the main characters in that book were named Alex and Ray, after Flash's creator.)

GCD was down as I write this, so I have no idea if this series was ever collected. I don't think it was, and I could see the rights for something like Flash Gordon being an ongoing legal quagmire. For example, if something becomes popular in one version of it, like a new character or location on Mongo, does it become canon, or would that aspect still belong to whoever added it? Hell if I know. I also can't say if I would've enjoyed Jurgen's version any more or less if I had read the Alex Raymond originals. The only version I've read or seen since has been some of Al Williamson's. (I haven't seen the Sci-Fi channel version or any of the later cartoons.)

Moving further down the tangent, yesterday I bagged on DC Universe 0, and I've been checking out some other reviews on it to see if I'm the only naysayer. Over at the Savage Critic Douglas "thought it was Excellent as a teaser and value-for-money--I want to read what happens next--and n/a as a story," which I have to say, is a fair assessment. But then, Valerie at Occasional Superheroine correctly points out that it's an ad, and "I hear some people comment that DC Universe #0 should have just been a Free Comic Book Day offering. I disagree. It is not new-reader friendly. DC is much better off with Superman, Batman, or whatever."

The idea that it's a fifty-cent ad struck me, especially since I was flipping through that issue of Flash Gordon for an ad, the subscription offer for Manhunter that I mentioned a couple of days back. It was so hard to believe, I went through it a couple of times, but in all of Flash Gordon #2, there were no ads other than house ads for other DC books. It was a new format, actually called "new format," and for some reason, I seem to recall those books as having a lot of weird public-service government ads, too. No reason I know of, just because.

Meanwhile, in other pissing and moaning, I went to Wal-Mart on my lunch break today, as I often do. The kids and I were at a different Wal-Mart yesterday to get coffee and whatnot--little secret, I drink the cheapest available coffee. The toy section there was planogrammed out, but largely bare, awaiting the street date for Indiana Jones, Hulk, and Batman toys.

So, I was all excited for my lunch, foodless as it might be, jumpy with the prospect of seeing all sorts of new things. As I approached the action figure aisle, I passed an Indiana Jones Lego display I hadn't seen before, and then...nothing. Not a single new thing. Not even Kung Fu Panda. Nothing that hadn't been there for seemingly ever. This store hadn't even cleared any space for the new stuff.

It was disappointing, even though I'm not all that interested in any of those lines. For the most part, I think they're all out of scale with my usual tastes, although I'll doubtless want at least one Indiana Jones figure. Still, just to even see new toys at this point would've cheered me up, and there's every possibility something would've jumped out and made me buy it. I checked my notebook of toys yesterday, and saw I hadn't bought a new figure all of April. Well, that explains at least some of the crankiness. Still, long weekend coming up for me: enjoy your Free Comic Book Day, and be back later. Read more!