It's at least partly because I keep coming in midstream, but I haven't loved a lot of Captain America stories in his regular title for some time. There was something I enjoyed this issue, though! From 2024, Captain America #13/LEG#763, "The Last Stand of the Front Door, part 2" Written by J. Michael Straczynski, art by Carlos Magno. I got the David Yardin variant, which kinda looks like Morbius is giving Cap the business; I couldn't be lucky enough to get the Godzilla variant from the dollar bin!

Again, I'm coming in midway through a storyline, but I don't think I'd ever be onboard with pseudo-Starlin level metaphysics in a Cap book; as here he's working for Lyra, an embodiment of Life itself, to stop her brother Death from wiping out the human race, as he's somewhat understandably sick of watching us kill each other. With a small team of mutants (new ones, nobody we know!) and a Guardian (who I don't think is Heather from Alpha Flight? I was confused because she's had not-Canadian flag costumes before, but feels like that'd be mentioned somewhere, and she has a sword: OK, pretty sure now she's just for this arc) they have to get a psychic, Malik, to the "mystical safe house" of the Front Door Cabaret. Death gives a ton of power to a massive crowd, threatening them with their own demises if they don't comply and stop Cap and friends. Taking back some magic rings, which I hope isn't a Captain Planet riff, Cap throws down with Death, to force him to draw that power back. Lyra had offered Cap a chance, to go back to his old life, to "lay down his burden," which feels a lot like trying to comment on his MCU arc, but we know darn well Cap isn't going to cop out here, and he doesn't.

Death gives Cap a pretty bad beating, before he realizes Malik was safe and he'd lost; which to him meant the suffering of humanity would be extended. He threatens Cap, that a bad end was coming for him. With seemingly everyone gone, while healing up Steve wonders if they made it, but thinks he might never know...while unseen behind him, a flowerbed blooms.

So, that didn't work for me much, except seeing Cap being Cap, even in a plotline that didn't feel like it was for him; but the next issue had Spidey and Thor guest-starring, so maybe Straczynski could course-correct from there. What I did like, was a Deadpool and Wolverine "Street Ball" ad, in the style of the great Spalding Jack Davis ad from the 70's! I know I've seen Wolvie and Pool hoop it up multiple times (like when I first started reading Deadpool!) but my headcanon now is that they sucked and always have. Wolvie's short and heavy as hell, no way he can jump...(Pretty sure that's Ryan North and Scott Koblish.)

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Oh, man, I hope Beatriz still flies around like that. Clears out the sinuses!

This is a pretty banged-up copy, but a moderately important one! From 1979, Super Friends #25, "Puppets of the Overlord!" Written by E. Nelson Bridwell, pencils by Ramona Fradon, inks by Bob Smith.

It always strikes me, when I get a random old issue of Super Friends; that it was in theory the younger reader, kid-friendly version of the characters, based on the cartoon; yet still leaned surprisingly heavily on continuity and lore, even events and characters not seen on the show. Today, bad guy Overlord (really the second Overlord, the first had maybe been his puppet, or was maybe now a puppet) had taken over a small nation and was using its resources against the Super Friends, starting with a "thought-induction helmet." Since the JLA satellite was too far away and he didn't know the heroes' secret identities, Overlord strikes at them at the Hall of Justice, located in scenic Gotham City! The assembled heroes go off the rails for justice, with Batman and Superman, frustrated at having to work within the law, opting instead to take over North and South America, respectively. Aquaman realizes all the mistakes he made as King of Atlantis, and decides to correct them by taking over all the undersea kingdoms; while Wonder Woman opts to free the oppressed women of Africa, and the Wonder Twins choose to bring their superior alien culture to Eurasia. Oh and Robin goes to Australia, where he has a run-in with Tasmanian Devil--no, not that one, you know it's not! 

Batman heads up to the JLA satellite, where he immediately has to gas Green Lantern for not being onboard with his plan. Likewise, Wonder Woman throws down with her "black sister" Nubia in Africa, and Superman knocks out Beatriz Bonilla da Costa, aka the Green Fury, better known to us as Fire, in her first appearance! Her flaming--and, inexplicably, freezing--breath does nothing to the Man of Steel, so not a great start for her. Aquaman takes out Mera and Aqualad, to keep their "old-fashioned morality" from getting in his way, while Jan and Jayna's plan to rule hits a snag when they address a crowd somewhere in "the Arabian Peninsula" that didn't speak English. But, Seraph, the hero of Israel shows up to help--look, it was a different time, alright? Although even so I'm wondering what he was doing there. When Jan and Jayna change form, they snap back to their usual selves, and realize that's how they can save the other Super Friends, by changing them to their civilian identities. Except, Aquaman didn't have one, so he was going to be tougher, especially since the team had to fight him plainclothes! (A bit of lip service is paid to protecting their identities: if anyone saw this fight, it was just going to be Atlanteans, who were telepathic and could've found out anyway, if they cared.)

Aquaman puts up a solid fight, using a squid to get a Kryptonite meteorite to keep Clark out of it, then he no-sales a Green Lantern battering-ram by letting it hit him in the back of the head: his blonde hair was yellow and immune to the power ring's yellow impurity! Diana however is able to contact Mera to pop him one, and the magic lasso cures everyone of the mind-control effect, but they don't know who was behind it. Meanwhile, Overlord ponders his next attack, while one of his puppets seemingly taunts him...

Also this issue: another of DC's title-specific subscription ads; and their Daily Planet hype page! Man, I miss the latter: I know they tried to do something in that vein with "Channel 52" for a while, but it's not the same.

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A Legionnaire is going to what, Nura? I didn't catch that last part.

I wasn't sure if I still had this--OK, I probably do--and I also probably could've bought the better formatting out of the same dollar bin, but this was where I started. Or close to it! From 1985, Tales of the Legion of Super-Heroes #326, reprinting 1984's Legion of Super-Heroes #1, "Here a Villain, There a Villain..." Plot and story by Paul Levitz, plot and pencils by Keith Giffen, inks by Larry Mahlstedt.

This was the point where Tales of the Legion of Super-Heroes (formerly Legion of Super-Heroes, formerly Superboy & the Legion of Superheroes, formerly Superboy...) became a reprint title, for the direct-market Baxter paper Legion of Super-Heroes. I had read some old issues at a relative's years prior, and I think I had maybe been reading the Best of DC Legion reprint digests for a bit, so why not hop on here? Unfortunately, for this issue at least, I'm don't think the print quality was as good as the Baxter series: I'm pretty sure my old copy has the same error as the start of the post, where Dream Girl predicts that a Legionnaire was going to die. (You could probably guess from the context!)

On a mysterious world, in a thunderstorm, Lightning Lord makes a solemn pledge over a Mayan-looking stone tablet, with the incongruous symbols for the Legionnaires on it, to kill a Legionnaire. Namely, his brother, Lightning Lad; but he wasn't the only one taking a vow there, as the Legion of Super-Villains had made a big membership push: for a long time, the LSV had been Lightning Lord, Cosmic King, and Saturn Queen; with Saturn Queen reforming in one of the "Adult Legion" stories in Superman. This issue alone, the LSV recruits Micro Lad, teleporting him away after catching a long-deserved beating by Shrinking Violet: they had history! The retired Light Lass (Lightning Lad's twin sister) is captured by Radiation Roy (he catches flak for his name later in the story!) while on the prison world Takron-Galtos, a team of Legionnaires is called in to stop a massive prison break, led by Daxamite kid-slash-Darkseid worshipper Ol-Vir. Mon-El seems ready to beat the stuffing out of the brat, but Ol-Vir and several other criminals, are teleported away...(I don't recall if he's seen directly in the Great Darkness Saga, but Ol-Vir either never broke Darkseid's hold on him, or was a psychopath before then.) 

This issue reads just fine coming in relatively cold, but is chock full of continuity for those who had been reading for a while: I wouldn't realize until much later, but several of the LSV's new members were former Legion applicants, from Superboy #212 in 1975! (I feel like a lot of the LSV members were former tryouts! Feelings could have been hurt, and the LSV may be more accepting.) But, if this issue had clues as to where the LSV was, or what Legionnaire was doomed; I hadn't been reading long enough to get those yet. (I don't think I read any stories with said doomed Legionnaire, until his last!)

Bonus: from Tales of the Legion of Super-Heroes #325, here's the bespoke subscription ad for the Baxter book, with art by Dan Jurgens and Karl Kesel. I'm used to Marvel's generic, linewide sub ads, rather than the specific ones DC used to do, usually with the heroes directly addressing the reader: "Buy my book! Everyone else can shift for themselves..."

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Aw, now I want a Fantastic Four cake for my birthday. Or maybe just now!

Fantastic Four cake topper ad, from 2005's Last Hero Standing #1, which I guess we might as well talk about while we're here! Plot and script by Tom DeFalco, plot and pencils by Patrick Olliffe, inks by Scott Koblish.

Last Hero Standing--which I'm repeating, because I'm sure I've accidentally called it 'Last Man Standing' multiple times--was a weekly, five-issue mini set in the Marvel Next/Spider-Girl continuity; where the usual Marvel heroes were still around but older and largely inactive, while newer heroes were arising. Newer, lippier heroes: most of them don't seem especially friendly, even with their own teammates! While several heroes disappear mysteriously (including Wolverine!) most of the focus this issue is at Avengers Mansion, where Captain America--grey-haired and scarred--was wondering if it was time for him to finally retire. But, when the call comes down, he still picks up the shield...(The Avengers at the time also had American Dream, too, so...)

Peter Parker and the comatose Scarlet Witch also get taken, as well as the now-cyborg Ben Grimm. The various heroes meet up, following the trail underground...as the villain, hidden in shadow, shouts about "Revenge for an unforgivable sin that has forever haunted me!" If that isn't a clue, his henchmen appear to be trolls, and he uses the phrase "glorious purpose" here years before he would in his show! 

There are like two other Fantastic Four movie related ads this issue, including one for the plug-and-play video game. Which I believe I still have, the kids played it; but I wonder if I have a TV it could still plug into...

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Happy Birthday, Justice!

I thought this issue was going to fall under my "three times" rule, since, um, I'd bought it twice from separate dollar bins in the last month or so; but I'm not sure I had this issue when it came out! Which is weird, since I had a subscription at some point, and I remember the cover, but that might be from the New Universe house ads. It is memorable, you have to give it that. From 1988, Justice #22, "Hide and Seek" Written by Peter David, pencils by Lee Weeks, inks by Mike Gustovich.

We mentioned some time back how the first fourteen issues of this series were retconned, because somebody decided the fantasy elements weren't in keeping with the New Universe's mission statement of "the world outside your window." Instead of being Tensen, a "justice-warrior" from a magical land; he was now John Tensen, an undercover narcotics agent and paranormal who spent the better part of a year tripping his head off, his mind warped by another paranormal, Daedalus Darquill. Oh, yeah, like that name spells world-outside-your-window...This issue, after being captured and drugged at a Live-Aid style concert for victims of "the Pitt" disaster (not that one, Timmy! Or that one either.) John was again in la-la land, seeing the world as a Dungeons & Dragons medieval hodgepodge: he takes down a police helicopter, seeing it as a dragon with mounted riders. In remembrance of his beloved "Endolina," who may or may not have existed, I don't recall; John refrains from killing, using his shields to keep the fallen "dragon" from crashing down hard.

Meanwhile, back at the police station, where John had blown a hole through the building in escaping; the cops, the army, and the National Security Council are getting into a pissing match over jurisdiction, while also not making any effort to search for the escaped "justice killer." John had killed a lot of bad guys, sure; but I'm not sure how many they would be able to pin on him: not because he was crazy at the time, but he usually disintegrated his victims, so...no habeas corpus, right? John's college age daughter Angela is there as well, as well as the psychic Playback, and the perpetually sniffly Mr. Pasko. As night falls, John gathers with some bums around a fire: their bully of a leader tries to shoot him, but John's shields bounce the bullet back, killing him. The other bums, who had been ordered to find more fuel for the fire, wonder how their boss would burn... 

Back at the station, John's lawyer had about had it with him, before realizing bricks from his escape landed on her car. Then, John shows up, thinking she was Endolina: she maces him a bit, which only makes him think she wasn't Endolina, and he takes off again, ranting at nothing. The lawyer bails, and we cut back to the bums, who receive another visitor, wearing a shirt like John did in his early issues, and carrying a flamethrower. Next issue for him! This next bit doesn't quite line up, but I see what they were trying to do: Playback sees the recent past, and the scene with John and the lawyer; but John's powers are such that he can see Playback watching him! Which isn't great for his already dubious mental state, but Playback knows what direction he took off in. Updike, the NSC man, wants to tranq John; Angela angrily points out drugs don't go well with her dad, and seemingly shouts him out of using it. The army gets there first, although John sees them as wolfmen, and their leader Col. Browning as Darquill. He tears through the soldiers, again showing mercy, although he doesn't intend to show any to Darquill...

Then, for little reason, John sees Angela as a hideous monster: I don't know if there's an in-story reason why? It could be he never wanted kids; or perhaps Darquill put that in him to make him turn on his loved ones. Trying to talk her dad down, Angela braves the danger and hugs him, snapping him back to reality, or closer to it. Updike does get to use his tranquilizer gun, though: on Col. Browning, to keep him from backshooting John, and probably Angela. (Browning may show up later, or in other New Universe titles: I think he had been Spitfire's government contact, and not a great guy.) Updike wants John for the NSC; but the story ends with the return of the bums, who gather up weapons and ammo from the downed soldiers, so they can go feed their fire? OK, that punchline didn't quite land, and the bum bits cut into Angela's monster-reveal, even if the cover sells it.

Also this issue: Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe-style entries for Justice, Playback, and baddie Seraph; the latter of whom I'm not sure had appeared yet! Also, the entries give birthdates, since another New Universe tenet would be the characters aging in real time; so Justice would be 75 today! Well, it's not like his hair's gonna go more white...wait, he would've been just shy of his 38th birthday when this issue hit the stands, but Angela's at least 18 and probably closer to 22? Not impossible, but it doesn't seem to add up! We'll close with that aforementioned house ad: the New U. was down to four regular books, and I think Star Brand was even bi-monthly. Although, Nightmask was still making guest-appearances; and the back cover has an ad for the upcoming the Draft, which would also feature him.

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I want a Superman "time stick" now.

I feel like everyone and their mom bought that Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez DC Style Guide but me; I have to content myself with random ads like this one! The Superman "time stick" momentarily looked like mullet-Supes, but no. Anyway, as long as we're here, let's check out the front of this one! From 1982, Batman #354, "Showdown" Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Don Newton, inks by Alfredo Alcala.

This was maybe intentionally stepping away from the '66 TV show: Batman had just been stripped of his "special deputy" status, by crooked Mayor Hill and Commissioner Pauling. Although currently outlawed, Batman still confronts them, since he had Deadshot held prisoner--probably illegally--but Bats hoped to spook them into confessing their conspiracy with Boss Rupert Thorne. While Pauling doesn't have the stones to shoot Batman, he still triggers an alarm, and one of his loyalists, fat pig Sgt. McClosky, takes a shot at Batman leaving police headquarters. He gets five shots off as Batman tries to swing away, and Bats catches one and falls...but his body isn't found.

Meanwhile, since he had been haunted by the ghost of Hugo Strange, Boss Thorne has brought in some help: "Ghost Breaker" Dr. Thirteen! The abrasive doctor doesn't like Thorne, or even accept his money: his whole thing was, there was no such thing as ghosts, and he almost compulsively has to prove it. And he's right this time: someone had set up hologram projectors and tape recordings, to hound Thorne. Thorne thinks Pauling and Hill did it, and storms off to get his revenge, although he also plans to settle with Thirteen later.

Alfred is attending to the blindfolded and caged Deadshot, when a bleeding Batman barely makes it in; then a brief subplot with Vicki Vale receiving an anonymous "cat-call" warning her to stay away from Bruce Wayne. Later that night, Thorne is drinking at home, when Batman arrives and scowls at him, silently. Thorne doesn't quite spill all the beans, but does accidentally set his house on fire! Thorne escapes the blaze, then at City Hall confronts Hill, Pauling, and McClosky; furious over their betrayal and all the fake haunting stuff, which Hill swears he didn't know anything about. Thorne shoots Pauling, but is himself shot by McCloskey, who is then knocked out by Batman.

"Batman" then reports back in: it was Robin filling in, as Bruce was currently bedridden. While Thorne would go to jail, their conversation didn't entirely incriminate Hill; and with Deadshot still not talking, they had nothing on the mayor. Robin wonders about the ghost business, though; as a limousine drives away, with Hugo Strange softly chuckling in the back. Well, the caption box says he's softly chuckling, the art and lettering in the last panel make it look more like he's cackling his head off. I feel bad for his chauffeur; imagine driving that around all day. 

I wasn't reading regularly then, but I think this plotline had been bubbling away for a long time, so it had to be immensely satisfying seeing the conspirators turn on each other and get some measure of what was coming to them. I wonder what that's like, huh?

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Is it traditional in France to refer to your troops as "mes enfants"?

It's used twice this issue! But, this one's got a few twists, even from the usual twisty formula. From 1980, Unknown Soldier #240, "The Hammer of Glory!" Written by Bob Haney, pencils by Dick Ayers, inks by Gerry Talaoc. Cover by Don Heck!

This opens with the Unknown Soldier witnessing an execution; as the Scarf, head of the French resistance, has a man shot for selling "the Hammer of Martel" to the Nazis. So far I'm not sure if that was a legitimate historical relic, but Charles Martel was real: he had ruled the Franks from 718 until he died, and had been a fierce warrior. Which makes me wonder, why they think they found it on a battlefield: that's usually be only if he lost, right? Still, the Scarf seems to place a lot of importance on the Hammer being returned if the French are ever going to drive off the Germans; and the Soldier is forced to go along. They get a clue, when Nazis are looting a shop, for supplies for "Goering the fat glutton" to enjoy on a trip to Berlin, to deliver the Hammer to Hitler himself. (I thought they meant Hermann Goring, but no.)

The war had been going for some time by this point, so the Nazis have a lot of elaborate counters to the Resistance's surprise attacks: a hidden "ram engine" to bulldoze blocked train tracks, then a similarly hidden tugboat to rescue their train after it's forced onto a floating bridge. The Scarf is injured, and the Unknown Soldier decides he's going to have to do this one himself before the entire French Resistance is chewed to pieces. But his usual disguises come up short, twice! First, he tries to pass himself off as Goering's cook, but brings the wrong wine; then he tries to infiltrate masked as a local hunter, but is caught since he shot a boar instead of using an arrow.

The captured Soldier gets delivered to Hitler, with the Hammer, but is saved by the sudden and unexpected arrival of--Charles Martel? No, it's the Scarf in disguise: it's surprising for someone else to mask up to save the Unknown Solider, that was his gimmick! Sadly, the pair don't make a run at Hitler, but the Scarf does get a pretty good kill with a hammer throw.

Also this issue: a dedicated subscription ad for Weird War Tales; and another for Unknown Soldier, G.I. Combat, and Sgt. Rock!

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I'm pretty sure this was my second issue of Judge Dredd, but this was Quality: previously I had read Eagle's Judge Dredd #8, and it would be yeeeeeeears before I got to read like that last 8 damn pages of "The Cursed Earth!" But this particular issue was all standalone stories, even if a few referenced past continuity I wouldn't have seen at that point. From 1987, Judge Dredd #7, written by Alan Grant and John Wagner.

"The Greatest Story Ever Told" starts with a cult forming forming around the late Fergie, then escalates to a giant robot Fergie, and ends with a crazed robot programmed by an insane director to finish his epic film. Don't think being a robot will save you from a lengthy sentence! But, I hadn't read the old progs with Fergie yet, nor had I read the tale of Mega-City 1's current mayor, Dave the orangutan. Despite not being able to talk (or perhaps because he couldn't) Dave was an immensely popular figurehead: I don't think the mayor actually had any power or control over the Judges; but he comes to a bad end in "Death of a Politician." (Art for both by Steve Dillon.)

Dredd makes a wellness check on a couple not seen for a couple weeks, and discovers "Something Abnormal about Norman," their robot servant. Who thought they would be happier if they didn't complain all the time, so he strangled them, and they seem much happier now! Dredd is mildly disgruntled when told Norman probably isn't a one-off defect, but a design flaw...probably affecting maybe 14 thousand robots. There's a recall, and Dredd comes down on the head of the robot company, although 10 years for negligent manslaughter feels a bit light: usually, he would be like 10 years, per count, and there were 7 deaths. (Art by Cam Kennedy.)

Lastly, a story featuring Max Normal, one of Dredd's informants. Eh, not great, but it's probably either Brett Ewins or Brendan McCarthy on art. Ah, but the ads throw the doors open for good stuff: Halo Jones, book three! Alan Moore and Alan Davis's D.R. & Quinch's Totally Awesome Guide to Life! Dredd reprints with Bill Sienkiewicz covers! Strontium Dog and Slaine getting their own regular books! And it's a reprint, but there's also a Judge Death special listed; which a brief search didn't turn up online. I know Quality would reprint those stories later, but that looked like a nice package to have them in. The Midnight Surfer book was also hyped, that definitely did come out, but checking this list of Quality titles, maybe that Judge Death didn't make it out the door.

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"Mom, can we have some Conan?" "We have Conan at home."

Somehow, this feels like Marvel was trying to get away with something, but I'm not sure how, or why. From 1976, the Incredible Hulk #201, "The Sword and the Sorcerer!" Written by Len Wein, breakdowns by Sal Buscema, finishes by Joe Staton. This was six years before the unrelated and vastly entertaining, not very good, movie of the same name; but I don't know if there was a larger plan involved here, since Conan was very much a de facto Marvel character at this point. In the Mighty Marvel Checklist this issue, alongside the cover for this issue is Conan the Barbarian #65. (Which we saw some time back, featuring "The Secret of Skull River!" since they missed the deadline!) So why is the Hulk facing off against store-brand barbarian Kronak? Doc Samson had shrunk the Hulk last issue, to save Major Talbot's life; but old man wizard Shamu-Shan was also trying to summon a champion, to save his people from mean usurper king Kronak. The Hulk doesn't care, until a sad little girl laments the Hulk probably wasn't strong enough to beat Kronak anyway, and by Crom, ol' Jade-Jaws isn't going to let that stand!

The court wizard gases the Hulk, turning him back to Banner, so he decides to take the "pale pink changeling" to see the king for laughs. Even when he gets thrown in the arena to face Kronak in combat, Bruce tries to discourage everyone from making him mad, which doesn't go over especially well. He of course Hulks out, forcing Kronak to use "the sacred Ruby of Shadows" to summon a demon for Hulk to beat on. With Kronak on the ropes, the peasants rise up; and the Hulk throws him to the crowd, who tear him apart. The Hulk isn't sure what to do next, but then inexplicably continues shrinking...which would get him to his long-lost love Jarella, next month! I'm sure that'll end well.

Maybe Len Wein just didn't like Conan...It's a pretty accurate, and well researched, pastiche though. Because the world is what it is now, I'm looking at this maybe more suspiciously than it deserves; like it was a test case to try and knockoff Conan, as opposed to just an off-the-cuff plot to fill an issue.

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Even for a Groo comic, that escalated quickly.

You can see where it's going, sure; but it's still worth the trip! From 1991, Groo the Wanderer #84, "The Puppeteers" Written, drawn, and inked by Sergio Aragonés, co-plot and dialogue by Mark Evanier, colors by Tom Luth, letters by Stan Sakai.

Groo has become addicted to the idiot box--in this case, puppet shows! And he prefers the classic, hit-him-in-the-head shows; not the boring ones with plots or characters. So, a puppeteer crew starts pandering to Groo, the absolute lowest common denominator; which attracts other viewers to see what's so funny. But the puppeteers need funds, which prompts Groo to give the local innskeeper a bit of a shakedown; so the puppeteers smooth over feathers by offering to talk up how great the inn is during their shows. This prompts other local small businesses to approach both puppet crews, buying ad time and making creative suggestions. Before long, they've branched into local "news," like a re-enactment of a murder, and pre-made "puppet dinners" so their audience won't have to stop watching to eat! Arguably, the puppeteers are almost performing a valuable service, in keeping Groo occupied; as a night-shift of assorted shills take over for late-night shows. After getting into political ads, eventually one crew leaves town, having heard there weren't puppet shows in the north...so the market was wide open!

This issue has a dedicated subscription ad, for a somewhat sad occasion: I had to scan this cover for the GCD, since it was the last newsstand issue of the series, and it would only be available at comic shops or subscription going forward. I remember reading the first issues of Epic's Groo on the newsstand, and it feels like something important was just lost, even if few realized at the time. Read more!

He already thought he was a demon once, it wouldn't take much to convince him he was dead.

Even though it's not inside this issue, I swear there was a house ad with the cover for this one; but I hadn't read it until just now! From 1982, Thor #325, "A Deal with Darkoth" Written by Doug Moench, pencils by Alan Kupperberg, inks by Jim Mooney.

Darkoth wasn't even a bad guy, but does fall into the familiar villain trope of seemingly dying, a lot: he was apparently killed in Fantastic Four #194, but instead had been grabbed by Mephisto, who wants to use him against that goody-goody Thor: they had fought recently in Thor #310, and Mephisto didn't think he could get better than a stalemate directly. But, Darkoth had been test pilot Desmond Pitt, an old friend of Ben Grimm's; who tried and failed to infiltrate Dr. Doom's intelligence operation against NASA. Doom had taken Pitt, ruined his name, faked his death, made him a rather baroque cyborg, convinced him he was actually a demon, but abandoned Darkoth when he turned on him. Darkoth may or may not have been "dead" at this point: Mephisto might just be lying, about giving him enough life for this chance to kill Dr. Blake and be reunited with his son.

Refusing to murder Blake or Thor, Darkoth is eventually turned evil by Mephisto, but Thor manages to free him, at least momentarily. Darkoth begs Thor to kill him, to free him from his half-life slavery, and Thor obliges. Mephisto is furious over the loss of Darkoth's soul; and Thor smites a ton of Mephisto's lackey demons. I feel like Darkoth would've said his son's name as he died; not "my son..." like a Borat bit. Later, Dr. Blake makes arrangements for his new secretary to adopt Desmond's son, so sort of a happy ending? Even though I still think Thor and Darkoth got fooled there; and Darkoth still wasn't dead; he'd turn up in 1991's Excalibur #38.

Also this issue: another "Tales of Asgard," as Loki again steals the golden apples of immortality and the goddess Idunn. I don't think I've read the previous issue (with a fight against perennial punching-bag Graviton) but Loki seems like he thought Big Daddy Odin was maybe cheating on his adopted mom Frigga, and took extreme steps to retaliate, which included giving most of the apples to the Midgard Serpent, Jormungand. Loki maybe realizes his error, but will have a hard time convincing Tyr to come off it...("The Golden Apples of Immortality" Written by Doug Moench, pencils by Alan Kupperberg, inks by Jack Abel.) Read more!

Somebody bought this and didn't redeem the coupon for a sixty-minute Maxell blank tape? I can't believe it!

Well, you did have to send in eight Bubblicious wrappers: that's a lot of chewing! From 1983, Red Sonja #2, "Blood Debt!" Written by Tom DeFalco, pencil breakdowns by Mary Wilshire, inks by Nestor Redondo.

I don't have the first issue--or, at least don't have it right next to me--but this seems to be continued from there. Feverish from drinking polluted water, Sonja hallucinates her origin before collapsing, and is near death. Luckily for her, a kindly fugitive stops his flight to tend to her, which sadly leads to him being recaptured and murdered. Sonja was still too weak to do anything about it then, so she then has to track the killers down. Outside of a bar, she nearly has one of the killers in hand, but he's then killed when his drunken friends try to help, and Sonja is captured. The local warlord, the bloodthirsty Lady Feema, takes an interest in her, though...(That name really feels like a placeholder that made it to the final draft!)

This is pretty plot-heavy, but reads as well as any Conan of the same time. It's also longer: the first four issues of this series were a dollar, when most titles were sixty cents, but it was 38 pages of story. It was also continued, which wasn't usually the case in the Conan books, although that would soon change. Read more!