I haven't paid for Disney+ for a while, but I have all of Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes on DVD: I didn't have all of the comic series, though! From 2013, Marvel Universe Avengers Earth's Mightiest Heroes #15, adapting "Acts of Vengeance" Written by Michael Ryan, adapted by Joe Caramagna. Cover by Chris Jones.

You might notice, no artist credits there, since the art was taken directly from the show! While it works pretty well, it also feels like a weird throwback, to Marvel's old movie adaptations. But, do you really need to adapt something that's available on-demand? (If you pay for the service, of course.) Despite the title, this isn't related to the classic crossover: instead, several members of Baron Zemo's Masters of Evil have been picked off, forcing him to go to the Avengers for help, since he thought only Thor would be able to save him from the Enchantress. He explains that she was still mad over not being able to destroy the earth with the Norn Stones, and thought Zemo still had the last one, which he of course denies. In his requests, Zemo always addresses them pointedly to Captain America, the only Avenger he felt he could trust...although, while it's not referenced here directly, at this point in the series, that trust is misplaced! (It's not a spoiler if you saw the last episode of the first season, "A Day Unlike Any Other.")

The B-plot was the long-awaited face-turn for Wonder Man, who sacrifices himself to destroy the last Norn Stone, after Zemo's inevitable betrayal. He had been touched that Tony had been working on a cure for his ionic condition, and Tony regrets being unable to help him better control it. Still, Black Panther says, today he proved he could have been an Avenger, all along.

Absolutely loved that show, and still do; but we've seen other issues with new stories, which I would prefer. This series switched over to adaptations with #13 and would run that way until #18, which I have in a digest: it adapts "Michael Korvac" and it's a good one. Read more!

I don't think the Damage Control guys could...control my damage, around here; but today we've got the last issue of their third and final original mini-series: from 1991, Damage Control #4, "Cleanliness is Next to Godliness" Written by Dwayne McDuffie, art by Ernie Colón.

Clean-freak DC employee Rex Randolph accidentally handled a cosmic artifact at a clean-up site, which he used to turn himself into Edifice Rex. Galactus has sent the Silver Surfer to earth, to collect some of Damage Control for information: cheery Bart Rozum is having a swell time of it, while account exec John Porter is able stop screaming, eventually. They are taken before the "Cosmic Congress," a name I hope they don't use often; the usual big names like Lord Chaos and Master Order, the In-Betweener, Death and Oblivion, and Eternity and Infinity. All of whom seem to be a little snarky with the puny humans; why do we need to talk to them again? (Because like 99 out of 100 cosmic-doodad-weapons ends up on earth, duh.)

Summoned before the group, after doing Infinity's nails, Edifice Rex enlarges himself to equal status with Eternity and Galactus, to explain himself: the universe was basically one giant mess since the big bang, right? Just spreading like an orange juice spill on a clean countertop. Rex was going to clean it all back up, compress the whole universe back down into the cosmic egg, then maybe put it on a nice shelf or something. This sounds pretty terrible to everyone, except Master Order, who seems up for it. The big cosmic names seem unsure what, if any, action to take: fighting Rex could do more damage to the universe, or as foreman Lenny Ballinger points out, maybe they're just afraid of getting their asses kicked.

Earth's mightiest heroes are gathered (and the Punisher, who had met Damage Control before, because more cosmic events need a really angry guy shooting at them...) but John makes a suggestion to CEO Robin Chapel, who fires Rex. No longer a Damage Control employee, there was no longer any need for him to clean anything up; so that takes the wind out of his sails. And Damage Control gives out a lot of their cards, to the heroes as they leave.

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"Kick."

Every time there's a toy show, there's always some figure I buy that I'm later asking "why?" and probably a couple I'm kicking myself for not buying. This time around I bought a Marvel Legends Toad--I think the first series one, that kind of sucks? He's dingy and not as articulated as a usual Legends figure, since I think he was repurposed into that line. And I didn't buy a Dr. Doom with a very sharp aftermarket cloth cape, or the Marvel Super-Heroes video game Thanos! The latter had been part of a set with Psylocke and may be tough to dig up now. That said, I did get a coupon for Never Enough Toys, and I'll be checking them out later today--as I type this, anyway, this won't post for a bit! (I got a DCUC Cyborg Superman, and um, the Widow-mom from the Black Widow movie. Melina Vostokova, or such. That's at least the second time I've got a figure from a two-pack there, and the more desirable one at that!)

How many strips have I done with figures from video games that I don't play? A goddamn ton! But I love the first two Marvel Capcom games: I was never really good at the combo system on the third. I don't think current fighting games go for the leftfield, oddball characters anymore, though; like Shuma-Gorath. (The Tekken series is another, that I think used to have so many weirdos and has largely phased them out?) Anyway, so far Shuma's the only one of the recent video game Legends that I've picked up, because he was the only new character for me: I have Psylocke, Silver Samurai, Juggernaut figures.

   

For Blackheart, I wanted to emulate his "Heart of Darkness" hyper combo; and I had those Shadow Demons from Super 7's Dungeons & Dragons . That was probably half off retail at Ross, but good luck: I've seen a bit of Super 7 backstock there, but it's a crapshoot. I did see Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Skull at one; much cheaper, but then getting him without Bulk seems like getting David Spade without Chris Farley. OK, maybe not that bad.  .

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This specifically doesn't count; and yet, here we are!

I did check a couple stores and more than a few bins, to see if I lucked into another iteration of Avengers #23: Bendis had one in 2012, Hickman in 2014 that looks like the new issue of 'Infinity,', and course there were stacks of variants and spin-offs: West Coast, New, Academy, Savage, Spotlight, Uncanny...the point is just that comics numbering is largely a nightmare and probably a hindrance to new readers. But, we've got one more issue, partly because I think I've bought it more than once and keep forgetting! From 1994, Avengers Annual #23, "Strangers on an Astral Plane" Written by Roy Thomas, art by John Buscema.

Yes, it's a riff on the Hitchcock classic Strangers on a Train, albeit in a bit more forced way. Pluto and Loki bump into each other, on a distant astral plane: Pluto was currently forbidden by Zeus from leaving Hades, while Loki was trapped in Mephisto's hell, yet they seem to be out for a little constitutional. And, Loki suggests, maybe they can help each other out: Loki could bump off Hercules, while Pluto wacked Thor. They would be able to look innocent; or at least set up alibis ahead of time. Back at Avengers' Mansion, it's two of the main activities we usually see there: training and brooding! Hercules and Captain America are both distracted and gloomy today. There's probably a board for it somewhere, like you see at daycares or animal sanctuaries.

In Hades, Loki frees the Titan Typhon, who should just be happy to get away from the torture, but wanted revenge against Herc and the Avengers for beating him way back in Avengers #50; also by Roy and John! Loki also frees some other Titans, partly because they jumped him, but also because Hercules would probably have back-up. He maybe didn't have to worry; since when the Titans attack Herc at a fancy restaurant, Herc refrains from calling the Avengers, but his ID card is activated in the fight. The Avengers don't arrive in time, as the Titans escape with the captured Herc, for a quick trip back to Hades, to dip Herc in the waters of the river Lethe, which brings forgetfulness! (This memory loss for Herc was a plot point in the MST3K favorite Hercules Unchained! Although I don't recall if the Lethe was mentioned by name.) Not remembering otherwise, Hercules is easily convinced that Typhon was his pal, and they all had been wrongly sent to Hades by Zeus, which is close enough to crap Zeus actually had done to Herc that it seems true. Sneaking up Mount Olympus, Typhon recovers his axe from a mystic brazier which then goes out, reducing the Olympic pantheon to mere intangible wisps.

The Avengers currently had Thunderstrike on the roster, and while he wasn't as adept at transporting to other realms as Thor, he's able to (eventually) get the team to Olympus: the team had figured Typhon might want to kill Hercules in front of Zeus, and Cap recognizes this as being not unlike Typhon's last appearance. While the Avengers fight the other Titans, it's down to Cap--who was at a low point, the "Fighting Chance" storyline where the Super-Soldier Serum was breaking down in his system. Cap goads Herc with comments about his dead wife and kids, which led to Herc having to complete his Twelve Labors to redeem himself, and in remembering, Herc diverts a river, washing Cap headfirst into a wall. Herc goes after him, intent on maybe showing him how he strangled the Nemean Lion, but the water of Olympus returns his memories. Hercules then rescues Cap, and together they start in on Typhon; with Cap passing his axe to the other Avengers to relight the brazier; even though Typhon reverts to a more horrible tentacled version in the fight.

With the Titans defeated and Zeus and the other Olympians restored, Typhon is questioned but refuses to talk; and Pluto has been chilling with his wife Persephone, innocent as a baby lamb. Still, now Pluto has to make arrangements to re-imprison the Titans...and kill Thor. That would be in Thor Annual #19, which I'm pretty sure wasn't the best. Also this issue: Giant-Man and Vision in "Master of his own Density," story and art by Al Milgrom. An AI "Glitch" that looks like a more articulate Kremzeek tries to take over the Vision. In a training session, Giant-Man realizes the Vision was getting dumber every time he tried to change his density, until Glitch takes over. But Glitch may end up in his own trap...

I went back to add the Pluto/Persephone panel, since it was a very Buscema panel, and great! And I did like to see Herc's concern and honestly, affection, for Cap: like Thor, Herc seems to just like Cap more than the other Avengers usually do. Read more!

A Sunday post! Feels like it's been a while since we've had one, but since it's the 23rd, we'll continue our streak of Avengers #23's going--with an asterisk. Despite having a solid batch of the run, my local comic shop did not have Marvel Triple Action #17, nor the original, which would doubtless have been a bit rich for my blood. Luckily, we have a budget-conscious alternative! Reprinted in Essential Avengers #1,1965's Avengers #23, "Once an Avenger..." Written by Stan Lee, pencils by Don Heck, inks by John Romita.

This was the "Cap's Kooky Quartet" phase of the team, with Captain America, Hawkeye, Quicksilver, and the Scarlet Witch; half of whom couldn't stand the other half at any given time. To wit, after the events of the previous issue, Cap had just quit; either because he felt he failed as their leader, or he was sick of those jerks. Hawkeye and Quicksilver keep the sniping going, and I'm just surprised they aren't full-on accusing each other of driving Cap away; while Wanda has a bit of a crush on him and misses watching him workout already. Meanwhile, it appears to have taken Steve Rogers about 30 seconds to get to upstate New York and get a job 'training' boxers, by which I mean thumping them somewhat mercilessly. Well, they were probably the 'learn by doing' types, so okay. Also meanwhile or wherever he is in time, Kang was plotting against the remnants of the Avengers, at their lowest ebb. Step one: add another level to their house. Yeah, that'll teach 'em. Actually, it might: Kang's ship, disguised to the outside world as another story of the mansion, is full of traps and easily defeats the three, who maybe are all missing Cap now.

Kang returns with his captives to his future, and has a gruff meeting with "puppet ruler" Ravonna. So far she seems to hate Kang's guts, considering him a mere "commoner," despite the fact that Kang did have a pretty legit army then. Back at the training camp, the news of the Avengers' capture makes the news, and Steve punches out the current champ so he can take off. Back in the future, the Avengers are trapped in clear cells, but the Scarlet Witch manages to shatter hers, although it takes all her hex juice and she was "vulnerable" and dizzy now, which definitely feels like that's because she's the girl. Realizing they're not on their home turf, the Avengers try to fight it out, despite being swarmed by Kang's guards and gizmos. Kang is perhaps even impressed, since this team didn't have anywhere near the power of the old roster, but was still giving it a go. Hit by strength-sapping beams, only Quicksilver escapes; but Kang is interrupted by a message from the past: Cap has used a "recreater" device of Iron Man's, to see that Kang had taken the team, and now was calling him out.

With Ravonna in his control room, Kang has to play the big man, and opts to bring Cap to the future to show he didn't fear him. To give Cap a chance, Ravonna changes where he would land: Kang knows what she's doing, but goes with it. Quicksilver finds Cap, and together they storm through the guards, to face Kang himself; largely as Kang intended. He's showing off for Ravonna and her royal court, trying to neg her into marriage; and if that didn't work, his army would come down on her kingdom like a ton of bricks. Ravonna has a bit of an aside, that she might have been into Kang maybe, if he'd not tried to impress her with conquering? Hawkeye and the Scarlet Witch rejoin the fight, as Kang signals his army to attack... 

OK, let's set the wayback machine and confirm something: Ravonna appeared--sort of, in a corpse-like state--in 1969's Avengers #71, which was reprinted in Marvel Super Action #32, which I've mentioned was one of my first Avengers comics. MSA #32 would've been on stands late March/early April 1981; the other earliest Avengers I read was #211, which was from June '81! So, now I know which was first.

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Either there's a theme this week, or I'm Groundhog's Day'ing...

There might be a bit that seems familiar this issue, but by god they put a great spin on it. From 1999, Avengers #23, "Showdown" Written by Kurt Busiek, pencils by George Perez, inks by Al Vey.

The entire creative team was firing on all cylinders, and today so was Captain America, recently reunited with his shield after several months with that photonic replacement. Running a training mission in the Mansion, Justice also seemed to be in gear as well; seemingly over his stage fright, even with a broken leg. But, today's main drama was yet to come, as Wanda goes to have a talk with the Vision. She knew he still loved her, even if she was with Wonder Man now; the Vision says, that's his problem, not hers. Simon tries to make things better, by busting in and saying Vision shouldn't bottle up his feelings, and boy, does he uncork something. (The Starkings/Comicraft lettering? Chef's kiss. So good.)

Vision just wants Wanda to be happy, but does have a bone to pick with Simon: he likes jazz! Pretentious bastar--no, that's not the main issue; he also likes chess and Walt Kelly. Simon is thrilled: his brother, Eric, the Grim Reaper, wasn't into any of that stuff; but he and Vision had things in common. This catches Simon a sock to the jaw, since he was missing the point in an epic fashion. And then we pause for a big preview of Doomsday and Young Allies, which really should've had some credits: I'm pretty sure that's Mike McKone and Mark Bagley, respectively.

Wanda is surprised Vision would lash out like that--um, they're superheroes, that's how they work through stuff usually?--and Vision apologizes and takes off, with Simon right behind him. Vision admits, he feels like he was a complete fake: everything he was, was just a copy of Simon's brain engrams: they both had a type, apparently, namely Wanda. He was a pale reflection, no longer needed, but at least Wanda was with the real thing now. Simon turns that back on him, though; surprised Vision didn't know how much Simon envied him. He had made a lot of bad choices, from embezzling from his company to signing up to get super-powers from Baron Zemo; yet had been forgiven or even praised for his 'bravery' over and over. To Simon, the Vision was the best version of himself. Taken aback, Vision needs to think about that, and takes off; leaving Simon to wonder if he would be back...or if he was just something else he had broken. 

The Vision's "am I a real boy" fit has been done a few times, before and since, and swings pretty wildly from writer to writer: I think he is 'real,' with authentic feelings and thoughts, but feels like he has to act like he's just an automaton. Also this issue: the ongoing protests at Avengers' Mansion, with a seeming laundry-list of grievances. Foremost today, the lack of diversity in the current team roster, which would be addressed later. And new bad guys the Exemplars continued to grow their numbers: they were all avatars of assorted Marvel Universe magic, and technically Juggernaut was one of them, even if he doesn't want in...And, a favorite Bullpen Bits strip from Chris Giarrusso!

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Long-time readers may have noticed I still use the tag "quarterbooks" all the time, even though honestly? The cheap bins haven't usually been a quarter for some time. That said, we might have some holdovers later in the week; but I got a spare copy of this one for two bucks--look, there was absolutely no chance I was leaving it--and we had been wanting to blog it anyway. From 2022, Immortal X-Men #007, "Part 7: Red in Blue" Written by Kieron Gillen, art by Lucas Werneck. Cover by Mark Brooks. I'm already pretty sure this is going to be a longer and more tangent filled one than usual, even for me, so let's see where we go.

This was part of the Avengers/X-Men/Eternals Judgment Day crossover, but Nightcrawler is trying to put a positive spin on things this morning with the Krakoan Quiet Council...that was one aspect of the Krakoa era I didn't enjoy, and you would think I'd like seeing Kurt get his due; but it really felt like he was there as a token with a friendly face, to suggest maybe the option that would hurt the least amount of people and then get immediately voted down by the rest. Friggin' democracy...Still, Kurt felt that the Celestials had been a test, and earth was going to pass. The Black King immediately offers, bet. Kurt is perhaps taken aback, since if the world failed the test, um, they all die? Seemingly shrugging, the Black King calls it "disaster capitalism" but also seems to think the mutants could fight it out if worse came to worst; which Emma seems interested in betting against herself. Mystique hedges her bet, asking Destiny what she thought: "I'm petrified." Immediately, the sky turns red, with a seeming hurricane of energy raining meteors; the Black King asks, that doesn't look like a pass to him. (I don't think the Black King and Kurt had ever had a ton of interaction, but while Emma has the cash for a bet with him, Kurt almost certainly does not!)

The Council makes disaster plans, and Kurt is annoyed when Mr. Sinister comes back with a suggestion: bringing back multiples of the late Magneto and spamming the Celestial with them. This was despite the resurrection rules, Magneto's last wishes, treaty with Arakko, and general decency; Kurt despairs, maybe the Celestial was right. But, he notices Destiny hadn't been telling them anything, and opts to "catch up" with his "evil stepmom," by teleporting with her miles over Krakoa. (Kurt's real relation to Destiny was still coming!) Destiny is pretty sure Kurt wouldn't kill her, and she's right, but he was making a point: the feeling of falling, that you were absolutely doomed--unless someone stepped in and saved you. She admits she can see a path, but had been reluctant to take it. Another aside, since it would come up again this issue: Nightcrawler is usually seen as one of the 'softer' X-types, a pacifist marshmallow, not a killer at all; but somehow he bluffs incredibly well! I think that's just a side effect of his looks and probably not one he's thrilled about, but sometimes...

Step one: get Captain America, who was in New York City, where a crowd of anti-mutant protestors had just died. Kurt glances at one of the Orchis flyers, before crumpling it up and throwing it away; and is again frustrated that the world was ending, but some people were still trying to take advantage of it. He knows, if he fails and the world does deserve to die, all those jerks will die with it; if Kurt was right they all get to live. Complicated. Kurt gets Cap to the North Pole, but also sneaks a blood sample and slips it to Illyana, for plan B and that Cap-smashing-out-of-a-gold-egg-with-his-shield bit later in the series, also briefly seen later here. (100% Rule of Cool there: that didn't necessarily make sense, but looked great!)

Cap and Kurt are immediately killed by the Celestial; a noble sacrifice to bring the world together, that I also think should've qualified as Kurt's audition for the Avengers. Absolutely serious there. I swear, the Professor must've made Kurt sign a non-compete when he first became an X-Man; or hit him with the franchise tag. Kurt immediately respawns on Krakoa, but this was slightly different from usual: it was a "live" back-up. Usually, mutants brought back wouldn't have to remember being killed; but Kurt didn't have time to play catch-up today, so he now had to live with the firsthand knowledge of what getting torn apart molecule by molecule felt like. (I'm guessing, itchy.) Next, the Celestial was going to attack Krakoa, and while they could've evacuated everyone, per Destiny's plan, they could trick the Celestial, if some mutants stayed behind and died. One in ten. Far more volunteer. Hope, tearing up, swears to bring them all back; while Kurt just gets angrier. Goldballs has to stay behind: they needed one of the Five in the resurrection protocol to appear lost, but they had eggs stockpiled, and could bring him back...if they lived. Sinister makes a crack, about breaking some eggs, and Kurt nearly stabs him. Mystique and Destiny also stay behind in the sacrifice play: Destiny still saw that, as their ultimate way through it. Sinister, on the other hand, makes arrangements to bail: this would come up in the Sins of Sinister event, but he had means to "reboot" and take data back with him and try again. Which wasn't working. Ah, technology. (It's a solid joke at Sinister's expense, but also to keep this event from crashing the next one!)

"Plan B" was sidestepping the Quiet Council, breaking a rule to bring back the non-mutant Cap, and Hope has to browbeat Exodus down: was she his damn messiah, or wasn't she? Next, we see Kurt pulling himself out of an egg again, with Proteus remaking his outfit: Kurt notes, the once-horrible Proteus had changed, which was encouraging. Kurt goes back through a Krakoan portal, into orbit, so Illyana could teleport him, giving directions as he did; while Exodus watches, seemingly awed: he had previously thought this plan a "waste of eggs," but was now watching Kurt die again and again and again: Christ only had to be crucified, once. Kurt keeps teleporting into the Orchis forge, facing Nimrod and Moira MacTaggart, amid a pile of his own still-smoldering corpses. Kurt was trying to get past Nimrod to Moira, which had taken at least nine deaths at this point; but really reminds me of the video game Gauntlet. It was a quarter-eater, with a voice chip to tell you warnings like "Elf is about to die" or "I've not seen such bravery!" The latter I think was usually triggered by charging headlong into it and eating a ton of damage, but if you had more quarters it wasn't a losing strategy...

This try, Kurt glances Nimrod's head with his fingertips, just enough to teleport away a good chunk of that damn robot's head: he knows it would self-repair, but too late. (The framing of that panel is interesting: I feel it's like from a classical piece, but don't know enough art history to nail it down.) Grabbing Moira, he gives her a bit of a bluff, slapping a doohickey on her head that he claims would wipe her memories. He's lying, but he also knows "she's more scared of true death than anyone I've ever met," which gives her pause long enough for Kurt's message: a warning from Destiny, that the Celestial was about to destroy the Orchis station. She curses him out while they get to an escape ship, but Kurt knew she wouldn't have believed, or would've tried to outfight the Celestial and failed. Moira fumes, that Orchis and the X-Men would never be able to work together, but in Kurt's eyes, today was much simpler, with only two sides: life or death. Grinning, he advises her to "try something new...don't be such a grump." 

That last bit feels like an extension of a point the Krakoa era seemed to push: that mutants--and ultimately, everyone--in the final analysis, we're all on the same team, right? Sink or swim together? But even if you share goals, sometimes there's no getting around differences of opinion in how to achieve them: was Kurt ever really going to be able to come to terms with how the Black King or Mr. Sinister got results? Should he?...no, they're dicks; but they weren't the only ones. I also had to look up; there's a sequence in the main Judgment Day series where the Celestial, the Progenitor, passes judgment on several characters, and it's interesting who passed and who failed. Cap himself notably failed, since he was meant to inspire America to be better, and...OK, (gestures around broadly) yeah, but I don't think you can pin all that on Cap even if he probably agreed there. We don't see Kurt's judgment, so it's up to you: did he pass? I'd say yes, but of course he's my special favorite that's never done anything wrong; and he very likely could fall into the same Catholic guilt trap that failed Daredevil: you've done a lot, but have you done everything you could?

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There's a splendid example of Dire Wraith-dom on the cover of this one, but mostly I'm struck about how this Avengers roster feels powerful, yet also designed to cause problems in-story: I can almost hear Cap trying to work through it. "We've got four members that can fly, but only one of them can carry anything while flying...and it's the space pervert." (OK, Cap probably never really took to Starfox, but he probably didn't call him that. Probably.) From 1984, the Avengers #244, "And the Rocket's Red Glare!" Written by Roger Stern, pencils by Al Milgrom and Carmine Infantino, inks by Joe Sinnott.

The current Avengers roster was on a little boat trip, but despite the encouragement of Jan and Starfox it wasn't a pleasure cruise: the Dire Wraiths had been sabotaging recent launches at Kennedy Space Center. These were the Wraith "Rocketeers," possibly the last of the science-oriented Wraiths, as the sorcery-types had taken over and wiped out most of the others. The Rocketeers wreck another rocket, then manage to escape as a third-party deploys a mysterious gas that even delays the Vision, who is later furious--furious by synthezoid standards, anyway--at the failure right out of the gate in his chairmanship of the team. (Jan had recently given up the chair, so she seems to be flighty again without that responsibility; although I also figure she does that to Steve on a regular basis: "Good lord, what are you wearing? Take that off, right now. And the pants.")

The Rocketeer-Wraiths realize the Wraith Sisterhood had assisted them, but only in hopes of drawing them out. Still, they were going to stick with their plan, and had wristwatch sensor-jammers to keep them from being detected. That almost works, but the Vision has better eyes than that, and can see them. (From the art, it's unclear if Vision can see the Wraiths' true form, or just a distortion giving them away.) While the Avengers give them the what-for, with Wanda revealing their Wraith-forms; the head scientist/lead Wraith makes a break for it, in a rocket with a cobbled-together FTL drive. Which, one of the Wraiths notices, looked like it was about to explode, and the Wasp was on that rocket...

There was a fun bit in the opening, where Captain Marvel (Monica, still my Captain!) is pretty enthusiastic about being on a boat: she had been harbor patrol before getting powers. Although, in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #16, she also appeared in a very distracting bikini, which she seemed unwilling to do here around Starfox...(Actually, her super-suit might've been the only clothes she had that would change when she did, so...) And, subplots galore, as Hawkeye and Mockingbird arrive on the west coast; and Quicksilver arrives at Bova's cabin, finding it leveled. Read more!

Is anybody using the Nomad tag right now? Maybe, time to bring that back?

Although, that may fall under the "Michael Bolton" rule; but every year it gets exponentially more difficult to imagine being "proud" of being an American. (Bill Hicks nailed that one years ago.) The closest to Fourth of July festivities around here is going to be Jello in my Captain America-shield mold--lemon, just slightly less yellow and spineless than your typical ICE agent--and maybe an old Cap comic here. From 1986, Captain America #316, "Creatures of Love" Written by Mark Gruenwald, breakdowns by Paul Neary, finishes by Dennis Janke. ("Creatures of Love" is another of Gruenwald's occasional Talking Heads references!)

On his little sky-cycle, recent newlyweds Hawkeye and Mockingbird are going to drop in on Cap for a visit, and their timing couldn't be worse if the Red Skull was nuking the city: Steve was having a hard conversation with his girlfriend Bernie, who was going off to law school. She had wanted to talk it over with him first, but he had never been around. Bernie thought their relationship would survive, if it was strong enough, but...Clint and Bobbi show up plainclothes, and Bobbi realizes right off it wasn't the time, and Clint figures it out after suggesting to Steve that marriage had been great for him, so...(Bernie doesn't know them, but also figures they were superheroes: Iron Man and Ms. Marvel, maybe?)

Changing the subject, Steve asks whatever happened to Armadillo? Well, things were looking up for him: his wife Bonita had been cured, and he was an up-and-comer in Unlimited Class Wrestling. Now in town, Bonita was thrilled to see the city, but tells Armadillo he can't go shopping or dancing, he was too big and it would make a scene. She had Ramon to take her, though...I am not sure what Ramon's purpose in Armadillo's entourage was, since he had a manager? While at dinner, Steve sees an ad for Armadillo's upcoming match, and Clint suggests they should all go, which they do, at Madison Square Garden the next night. The crowd seems to love Armadillo, and Steve is pleased the guy found honest work, anyway. He decides to see him after the match, since how many of his bad guys had ever gone straight? You could maybe count that on your thumbs at that point. Going backstage, Cap accidentally steps in on Ramon and Bonita, in an embrace and seemingly plotting. Cap chats with Armadillo, who starts to mention he wasn't cured of his condition at his wife's suggestion; then when Bonita comes in, Cap doesn't feel like it was his place to say anything; later Clint, Bobbi, and Bernie have to agree. Yes, but...

The next day, while packing up Bernie's apartment, breaking news: the Armadillo was tearing up 34th street, which looks like a crowded mess maybe before that. His manager tries to talk him down, and gets thrown away: a cop manages to break his fall, possibly with his spine. The cops then try to tear-gas him, which doesn't work; then Cap tries to talk him down. Armadillo considers Cap got lucky beating him before, and throws a manhole cover at him--not unlike Cap's shield! Cap has to block it, then has to save onlookers when Armadillo throws a car. Cap catches up to him, starting to climb the Empire State Building: I'm sure he doesn't mean to nag, but when Cap yells "Now what do you think you're doing?" it kinda feels like that.

Armadillo just wants Cap to keep the street clear, so he can kill himself without squashing anybody else; but Cap climbs up after him using the same clawed-in handholds he made. Cap tells him, he understands that pain: he was in the middle of a break-up himself. Still, Armadillo had been turned into, and then stayed, a monster for Bonita; who had been unfaithful maybe the whole time. Before Cap and try to argue against that, Hawkeye shows up on his sky-cycle: Cap tries to wave him off, but Armadillo takes the opportunity to jump. Despite putting a good-sized crater in the road, Armadillo survives, but too hurt to keep fighting. It's somehow more of a downbeat ending than if he had died, since next time we'd see him, Armadillo would be in the Vault. Oh, shoot: I remember the next issue also guest-stars Hawkeye, and maybe has an even sadder ending. Bernie goes off to law school, and Steve misses saying goodbye to her, because he was fighting...the Death-Throws. Man, I know you're a paragon of honesty, Cap, but nobody would've faulted you for a white lie on that one. "Sorry I missed you, sweetie, I was, uh, fighting Godzilla." Read more!

Aw, now I want a Fantastic Four cake for my birthday. Or maybe just now!

Fantastic Four cake topper ad, from 2005's Last Hero Standing #1, which I guess we might as well talk about while we're here! Plot and script by Tom DeFalco, plot and pencils by Patrick Olliffe, inks by Scott Koblish.

Last Hero Standing--which I'm repeating, because I'm sure I've accidentally called it 'Last Man Standing' multiple times--was a weekly, five-issue mini set in the Marvel Next/Spider-Girl continuity; where the usual Marvel heroes were still around but older and largely inactive, while newer heroes were arising. Newer, lippier heroes: most of them don't seem especially friendly, even with their own teammates! While several heroes disappear mysteriously (including Wolverine!) most of the focus this issue is at Avengers Mansion, where Captain America--grey-haired and scarred--was wondering if it was time for him to finally retire. But, when the call comes down, he still picks up the shield...(The Avengers at the time also had American Dream, too, so...)

Peter Parker and the comatose Scarlet Witch also get taken, as well as the now-cyborg Ben Grimm. The various heroes meet up, following the trail underground...as the villain, hidden in shadow, shouts about "Revenge for an unforgivable sin that has forever haunted me!" If that isn't a clue, his henchmen appear to be trolls, and he uses the phrase "glorious purpose" here years before he would in his show! 

There are like two other Fantastic Four movie related ads this issue, including one for the plug-and-play video game. Which I believe I still have, the kids played it; but I wonder if I have a TV it could still plug into...

Read more!