I grabbed this issue at the toy show, but didn't love it at first read. Will it improve looking at it here? Well, stranger things have happened, maybe. From 1979, World's Finest #257, cover by Jim Aparo.

"The Innocent Who Hated!" is a nice title, but this one feels like Denny O'Neil trying to inject some social consciousness into a Bob Haney-type story: a refugee scientist is working in the zoo, nursing a strange lizard creature back to health, when he's accosted by some goons who want to drag him back to his old country. Batman stops them, but the guy's lizard escapes, and flies to Metropolis and takes up with Maudy. She's what used to be called a 'bag lady' and more than a bit off; but she takes to the creature, naming it 'Fred' after her brother. Fred turns out to be pretty helpful, granting Maudy the ability to alter reality; which would be great if she just wanted a house or something: first, she causes a cop to go bouncing away from her, then tries out looking like a uptown model for a bit, before getting into an argument with a construction worker about there being too many too buildings and it was too crowded. (Superman saves the cop, but misses Maudy while she looks different.) Maudy is more than a little...what used to be called, "opinionated," and after another argument with a Chinese restaurant owner decides the problem is too many foreigners, so maybe they shouldn't let anybody else into Metropolis. As the bridges collapse and tunnels block, Batman barely makes it in himself, having been told that Fred might be telepathic and then leaping to the correct conclusion.

Superman does his best to mitigate the disaster, until Maudy starts turning anyone she considers foreign to stone, including him! Batman was alright by her, so he's not affected, but is maybe freaking out a bit. Eventually, Maudy seems to decide change them all and let God sort them out, turning all of Metropolis except her, Fred, and Batman into statues! Thinking quickly, as Maudy settles down for a nap in the park, Batman breaks into a costume store, makes himself over as a George Washington statue, and gives Maudy an after-school special speech about America was all about everyone working together. Maudy changes everyone back, and Superman grabs Fred and hustles him out of there, while Batman takes the crying Maudy away for help. It kinda feels like the World's Finest team just gave the business to an old lady, but she was kind of a jerk, so...The scientist thinks Fred was too dangerous and would need to be killed, but Batman wishes he was safe and back where he came from, and Fred disappears. Presumably back where he came from, and not to nothingness: there's no reason why Batman's wish would have precedence over the scientist's, his was first! (Written by Denny O'Neil, pencils by Dick Dillin, inks by Frank McLaughlin.)

Denny writes the next story as well, Black Lightning in "Death Ransom!" Confronting his archfoe Tobias Whale, Black Lightning is captured; which Tobias intends to put to good use. No, not powering his house: he blackmails his former organization, the 100, to either pay twenty million, or he would turn Lightning loose with all the information he had on the 100. Savvy plan, somewhat undermined by Tobias' moll Tabby, who offers the 100 his location, for the bargain price of 500 grand! Lightning and Tobias are forced to work together to escape, then have to find Tabby and bring down the 100...to be continued! (Written by Denny O'Neil, pencils by George Tuska, inks by Bob Smith.)

"Time Keeps on Killing" brings back old Green Arrow baddie the Clock King, who's back for revenge, and it feels somewhat justified? Diagnosed with only six months to live, he had turned to crime to try and leave some money behind for his sister. She had some ailment, referred to rather insensitively by Ollie; and Clock King had been willing to sacrifice himself to keep her out of a nursing home. But, either the diagnosis had been in error or he beat the disease, and while he ended up in jail, his sister had been sent to a state home and died there. CK tries to blow up a clock tower, Green Arrow, and himself, but fails. He would be played strictly for laughs in the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League; I think they leave the dead sister out of his origin now. (Written by Paul Kupperberg, pencils by Jose Delbo, inks by Frank McLaughlin.)

"Attack of the In-and-Out Invaders" sounds mildly risqué, but it's Hawkman and Hawkgirl trying to help some birds affected by unexplained sonic waves, that leads to alien thieves robbing the Midway City Museum. The thieves are "in-and-out" in the sense that the Hawks can't touch them, seeming to pass through them like they were erasing them. Like a lot of their stories, the bad guy had seemingly found sophisticated alien technology, somewhere, and immediately decided to use it for robbery. (Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Rich Buckler, inks by Romeo Tanghal.)

Finally, everyone in the world seems to be listless and tired--yeah, tell me something I don't know--as Captain Marvel faces "the Invincible Man!" (Written by E.Nelson Bridwell, pencils by Don Newton, inks by Kurt Schaffenberger.) The big green meanie explains, he was tapping directly into the soul of the universe, which made him as mighty as Captain Marvel; and "the spawn of Shazam!" couldn't cut off that power without killing everyone on earth! But, CM realizes, his foe seems to know a lot about him, which makes him think it was actually one of his old foes...and he's right! I probably would've enjoyed this story more, if the next issue blurb wasn't for "The Courtship of Captain Nazi!" I'm pretty sure he's up to no good there, but phrasing, man. I don't want to see Captain Nazi trying to get a date, I want to see the Marvels work him over with tire irons for 15 pages. Read more!

"Warning: Read Siege #4 before this book!" I keep telling you, you can't make me!

They tried to do the same thing for Sentry: Fallen Sun, too. Will I like this issue any more...or less? From 2010, the New Avengers: Finale #1, written by Brian Michael Bendis, pencils by Bryan Hitch and others, inks by Butch Guice, Andrew Currie, Mark Morales, and others.

I actually have read Siege, and off the top of my head, the only things I can recollect are a pep talk for the bad guys that Asgardians were creampuffs and Thor was like their Spider-Man, the only tough one; and Norman Osborn unmasked in his Iron Patriot suit and found to be wearing...like Green Goblin facepaint underneath? It's a striking visual that does not make a helluva lot of sense: he had been crazy before, sure, but portrayed as a savvy master-planner always at least two steps ahead of everyone, not a drooling nutbag. This would be the end of Norman's time as everyone's villain and send him back to just being Spidey's. Anyway, with Norman under arrest, a ton of villains captured, and oh yeah, I guess Asgard had fallen? But, the New Avengers had been wanted by the law for quite a stretch, and weren't really sure if they still were at this point. Still, they were holding a grudge against the Hood, and even if he had lost his powers (again! How many times has that happened?) they had no intention of letting him rebuild power; either his own or organizational. The Hood had escaped with Madame Masque, who takes him to her dad, Count Nefaria, in the hopes of getting his powers back. Or some powers. Whatever. (I had mistakenly thought Silvermane was Masque's father, or maybe wasn't going to let that get in the way of a joke!)

Weird, this would be two years before Bendis would shoehorn Count Nefaria into another attempt at a big finish, Moon Knight #12. I suppose he's needed here so this isn't just a cakewalk for Ms. (Captain) Marvel, but the Avengers bring in everyone; which feels like should spell doom for the Hood, since I can't see him not getting repeatedly shanked in prison. Steve Rogers is made "America's top cop," a title I don't miss. Their names cleared, and Luke Cage reunited with Jessica Jones and their kid, the team enjoys a rare walk in the sun. 

This was the end of Bendis's long time with the Avengers. which was usually more miss than hit for me; even as he still has the occasional decent character beat; like Nefaria badmouthing the Hood, asking what Whitney saw in him. But, and I could say this was of its time, but it's also petty and mean? The Avengers go out of their way to intimidate and torture the Hood's cousin to get info (lightly torture, if there's such a thing) and their takedown of the bad guys is a bit over the top: Nefaria boasts of being immortal, so they bring Wolverine in to stab him a bunch? Moreover, I should enjoy Hitch art more than I do; but neither the Ultimates nor the Authority have aged especially well for me. Which I'm pretty sure wasn't his fault, but here we are. There's also a sizeable stretch of the story set under red lights, for...reasons? Like the colorist got it on sale? And then a pin-up section-slash-series retrospective by various artists, if that does anything for you.

Read more!

There's a splendid example of Dire Wraith-dom on the cover of this one, but mostly I'm struck about how this Avengers roster feels powerful, yet also designed to cause problems in-story: I can almost hear Cap trying to work through it. "We've got four members that can fly, but only one of them can carry anything while flying...and it's the space pervert." (OK, Cap probably never really took to Starfox, but he probably didn't call him that. Probably.) From 1984, the Avengers #244, "And the Rocket's Red Glare!" Written by Roger Stern, pencils by Al Milgrom and Carmine Infantino, inks by Joe Sinnott.

The current Avengers roster was on a little boat trip, but despite the encouragement of Jan and Starfox it wasn't a pleasure cruise: the Dire Wraiths had been sabotaging recent launches at Kennedy Space Center. These were the Wraith "Rocketeers," possibly the last of the science-oriented Wraiths, as the sorcery-types had taken over and wiped out most of the others. The Rocketeers wreck another rocket, then manage to escape as a third-party deploys a mysterious gas that even delays the Vision, who is later furious--furious by synthezoid standards, anyway--at the failure right out of the gate in his chairmanship of the team. (Jan had recently given up the chair, so she seems to be flighty again without that responsibility; although I also figure she does that to Steve on a regular basis: "Good lord, what are you wearing? Take that off, right now. And the pants.")

The Rocketeer-Wraiths realize the Wraith Sisterhood had assisted them, but only in hopes of drawing them out. Still, they were going to stick with their plan, and had wristwatch sensor-jammers to keep them from being detected. That almost works, but the Vision has better eyes than that, and can see them. (From the art, it's unclear if Vision can see the Wraiths' true form, or just a distortion giving them away.) While the Avengers give them the what-for, with Wanda revealing their Wraith-forms; the head scientist/lead Wraith makes a break for it, in a rocket with a cobbled-together FTL drive. Which, one of the Wraiths notices, looked like it was about to explode, and the Wasp was on that rocket...

There was a fun bit in the opening, where Captain Marvel (Monica, still my Captain!) is pretty enthusiastic about being on a boat: she had been harbor patrol before getting powers. Although, in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #16, she also appeared in a very distracting bikini, which she seemed unwilling to do here around Starfox...(Actually, her super-suit might've been the only clothes she had that would change when she did, so...) And, subplots galore, as Hawkeye and Mockingbird arrive on the west coast; and Quicksilver arrives at Bova's cabin, finding it leveled. Read more!

I have to wonder how many Punisher fans stuck around after this issue, if any.

It's a little weird for that lot, I think. From 1993, Quasar #42, "The White Room" Written by Mark Gruenwald, pencils by Andy Smith, inks by Ralph Cabrera.

Quasar was still dead, after Infinity War, and Thanos had released a copy of Marvel Boy--now calling himself Blue Marvel to serve as a pawn. (I don't know that Gruenwald had a great handle on Thanos; and I'm not 100% sure what Thanos allegedly even wanted Blue Marvel to do. In fact, that maybe was the Magus's duplicate Thanos.) Blue Marvel had quantum bands like Quasar, but was childish, petulant, and just an all-around jerk. I'm not sure I've ever read old Marvel Boy comics--there weren't a lot of them--but I wonder, was he a jerk in those? I know he'd eventually be updated into "the Uranian," and be more alien and weird than just a brat. Anyway, Blue Marvel had fought Captain Marvel (Monica Rambeau) and here fights Hercules, Black Knight, and the Eric Masterson Thor. He does manage to get a shot in on Thor, knocking his helmet crooked so he couldn't see out of it, predating the classic Black Canary twists the Flash's mask from JLA: Year One. He then nearly gets choked out by Captain Marvel, and has to quantum-jump away.

Meanwhile, Quasar himself was in the White Room, seated at a long table, with various other Protectors of the Universe from the past. The other Protectors did not seem to have a concensus on what exactly the White Room was: heaven? A trophy room? Purgatory? Storage? Not particularly spirtually inclined, Quasar believes this to be "a crazy hallucination in the dimension of manifestations," which he had visited in an earlier issue, and was where abstract beings took shapes to appear in this universe. The other Protectors think, there might have been somebody else in that seat before him...

Then, we get to our big guest-star, the Punisher, gunning down some nobodies. He is approached by Blue Marvel, who's impressed that he kills people, without powers, and wants to learn from him. Frank isn't interested, so Blue Marvel tries a more battle-ready 90's look, with a helmet and guns. And in another subplot, on the planet Scadam--from the computer game tie-in Questprobe--Kayla Ballantine, Quasar's girlfriend, destroys the malevolent Black Fleet with the Star Brand. 

Back in the White Room, Quasar is arguing against reincarnation, claiming it didn't make sense from an administrative viewpoint: it would take too much energy to figure out what souls should be brought back as what. He's then approached by the spirit of his original mentor, Eon; who wants Quasar to kill him, saying that would free him...and lessen his own guilt. Quasar doesn't seem to be buying it, and wants to free himself without killing. Next, he's visited by the "Angel of Vengeance," who appears as a more-chiseled version of himself; Quasar's pretty sure that's still Eon, and isn't into vengeance anyway.

On earth, the Punisher finds himself surrounded by a SWAT team--either they had staked out the nobodies he killed, or Blue Marvel delayed him too long, but Frank was kicking himself. Blue Marvel opts to prove himself to the Punisher, by using his bands to just wreck the cops, in about three panels. Frank isn't impressed, and tells him if any cops were killed, he'd be coming for him next. He turns his back on him, and Blue Marvel considers killing him, but is interrupted by Thanos, who tells him someone was trying to free Quasar: stop that. Teleported to the White Room, Blue Marvel blasts the "Angel of Vengeance" apart, then turns his gun on Quasar...to be continued?

Read more!

I had to stop watching Night Gallery, to blog this one!

Huh, Night Gallery has never had a comic? Feel like it would be a few bucks cheaper to license, and you maybe have the gimmick of a fancy painting every story. Anyway, yet another Gold Key Twilight Zone today: from 1978, the Twilight Zone #88. Cover by Mike Roy.

"The Meek Shall Inherit..." is the inverse of a Charles Atlas ad, although it starts with the same scrawny kid/sand kicked in his face set-up. Marvin can't seem to accept that his girl Shirley could really love his skinny ass, but then gets slapped in the face with a windblown ad "to develop a super-body!" For five bucks? That's $24.14 in today-money! He sends in his cash, and gets a barbell in the mail, but it seems as light as a toy...but still bulks him up in moments! Marvin rushes to show Shirley, but is too rough in taking her out, then picks a fight over an accident. Shirley leaves, and other girls move right in, but he wants to go apologize. That's when he accidentally tears the door off a taxi; since he was getting even more muscles! He rips the door off his own apartment, then snaps the barbell in half, returning him to normal, skinny but wiser. (Art by Frank Bolle.)

In "Farewell Performance," a jealous actor wonders how one of his fellows was all of a sudden the talk of the town and considered the actor of his generation. Hard work, practice? Nope, magic potion! The up-and-comer had got it from an old woman he befriended, who gave him the potion and said just a tiny drop would infuse him with the "life force of any character he portrays!" He is then killed in the fight that follows, and the jealous one makes off with the potion unseen. That changes his luck, and a series of heralded performances follow, until a producer tells him Hollywood was interested in him, and would decide after tonight's showing of Julius Caesar. He decides on an extra-large slug of the potion, which proves a poor choice considering his role. What a performance! He really acts like he's being repeatedly stabbed to death! At least the cleaning crew has the sense to dispose of his medication afterwards; told nowadays kinda feels like his dressing room medicine cabinet would be stripped bare before the body hit the ground. (Art by Mike Roy.)

There's also a really slight two-pager, "Superstar," but yay, another Hostess Twinkies ad! This time featuring Marvel's Captain Marvel, and that's gotta be Sal Buscema art. Read more!

Technically, it was designed by A.I. and was radioactive; but it does look better than a Cybertruck.

From 1978, Shazam! #33, "The World's Mightiest Race" Written by E. Nelson Bridwell, pencils by Tenny Henson, inks by Vince Colletta with an assist by Kurt Schaffenberger. (That's somewhat unusual, Colletta's usual main selling point was that he was timely.)

This was pretty late in this series' run, and the book had been updated to more closely resemble the TV show; with Billy travelling the county with a newly mustached Uncle Dudley. He had more contact with the gods of his namesake for assists; but all this meant no Mary Marvel or Captain Marvel Jr. (Or so I thought, maybe it was just this issue: C.M. Jr. would be in the next issue; and the rest of the Marvel Family in the last.) This issue does feature a classic villain, that the TV show wouldn't have had the budget for, at all, ever: the robot Mister Atom! Mr. Mind had rebuilt him, and tasked him with challenging "the best car on earth" at the Indianapolis 500. The people had one hour to produce a racer, or Mister Atom would meltdown, irradiating the entire city.

Captain Marvel has an idea, and a reporter tips him to a garage where he can build a racer, with the help of some plucky kids. The wizard Shazam had tipped Billy, say his name while in the car, which the kids dub the Shazamobile--a great name, that Captain Marvel couldn't say! Now with the car powered by magic lightning, CM races Atom, who is dismayed when the Shazamobile pulls ahead, doing "300 miles a minute!" Which would be, what, 18 thousand miles an hour? That's 23 times the speed of sound, so wouldn't Indianapolis have been destroyed by sonic booms? Atom tries running him off the road, but the Shazamobile was as invulnerable as its driver, and knocks the Atomobile out.

Mister Atom then summons his body back by remote control, and gets punched off the face of the earth. (Atom could take that, but didn't seem able to fly fast enough to get back to earth!) Captain Marvel throws the radioactive remnants of the Shazamobile into the sun, while Uncle Dudley backtracks Atom's trail with a geiger counter to catch Mr. Mind. CM leaves the depowered Shazamobile with the kids. Read more!

Feels like he was more interested in writing A.I.M. than the Avengers; or evil Avengers more than that.

This issue had two covers: you could either get the one I got, with the Avengers fighting a giant Super-Adaptoid; or one with Thanos and his crew. Neither of which are in this issue; so we're not off to a great start here. From 2014, Avengers #27, "Only Dirt...Six Feet Deep" Written by Jonathan Hickman, art by Salvador Larroca. This was a stretch when they had recap page, a sort-of diagram of the available team members, and a title/credits page.

There are Super-Adaptoids in this one, just not in that classic form; and I wouldn't have recognized Superia either, as she and Advanced Idea Mechanics seem to have been rummaging around through the multiverse for interesting crap, and found themselves the Avengers. Ant-Man is killed in the fight, but don't worry: these are Avengers from an eee-vil universe; as we see when Dr. Banner interviews their Mr. Banner, who confesses that he's a (semi)-lobotomized sociopath, that his teammates took turns controlling, but maybe wasn't entirely blameless either. While A.I.M. makes plans to fix their mistake, the Avengers have engaged the Avengers: the alt-Iron Man is quickly revealed as a "monster," Jarvis; who in his timeline killed the Starks after the first armor was built. Alt-Thor is a jerk, who asks regular Thor to join him in subjugating the world, but is caught from behind by Hyperion. Captains America and Marvel face "General America," who at least doesn't seem to be a Nazi, just evil.

A.I.M. catches the whole lot of them in a time bubble, then gathers up the evil Avengers (although I'm fairly sure they've grabbed our Hulk by mistake) to cover their involvement. And back on A.I.M. Island, the Adaptoids seem to have started their own mission of multiverse exploration, which seems a noble enough goal but is probably going to immediately go south. 

Also this issue: a bonus book of All-New Invaders #1. I thought Robinson had a good handle on Jim Hammond; who is hiding out but maybe not in a good place at the start of this one. Then, a Kree attacks him, and forces him to have a flashback to events he doesn't remember, including a fight against Hela and the death of his teammate, Major Liberty...? Refreshingly, I don't think the answer for that one was "the multiverse," for a change.

Hey, this is the 18th anniversary of this stupid blog! Even if we're not here today; thanks to everyone who's ever stopped by. 

Read more!

"Treaty."

This isn't the usual Star-Lord, but still seems to know Rocket at least in passing. Or, it's entirely possible Rocket has a podcast or something, largely about how much 'earsh' sucks: bad food, smelly, everyone is at least slightly dumb at best... Read more!

"Fuzz."

It's early in the year, but it feels like nothing has been announced for Marvel Legends in a bit? I say that in the hopes of getting proved wrong, and like forty things get announced; but I suspect film delays have maybe held up some things. Hoping for more Starjammers: Raza and Hepzibah are probably going to be a box set, aren't they? I don't know if Hep needs the big ol' Squirrel Girl tail, but she could.

Are cops still referred to as "the fuzz," or did that die out in the 70's?

Read more!

"Remodel."

I bought several Indiana Jones figures, but so far haven't completed any of the "Build-an-Artifacts." Close on the Grail Table, though; although I'm also kicking myself for not picking up some Dungeons & Dragons figure with a cup that would've fit right in. (And I did get it, since!)

What Ch'od refers to as "scurvy herring" might be a callback to my own childhood, as I had Norwegian-descended grandparents that would serve up lutefisk at the holidays! It's dried fish, that "takes a gelatinous texture" and is about as appetizing as it sounds. Actually, I'd probably appreciate it more now, when I was a kid I threw up at the drop of a hat.  Well, yeah, I was served lutefisk, for god's sake.

"Pffft" may be earth's one gift to the galactic discourse: that was a recurring throwaway/really subtle gag in Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye, where some bots can make that noise, and others can't, which is probably a bit challenging without lips. Sigh, I wanna take the time re-read that.

Read more!