Consult your local listings! Although, this first story looks like Perry Mason or something...

Also, now I'm remembering a pretty terrible horror movie...actually not remembering it, which probably explains why I think I've seen it twice; Down, also released as "The Shaft," with a killer elevator. And Naomi Watts, but don't let that sell you on it; you can watch better Naomi Watts' movies! Anyway, I don't know if the SyFy Channel still does them, but if you have an antenna H&I's annual? Semi-annual? Whatever, their Twilight Zone marathon starts today. I'm usually just trying to catch 'New' Twilight Zone episodes from the 80's; maybe some year they'll finally get the 2002-03 Forest Whitaker-hosted episodes in there...And, since I brought it up, let's look at yet another Gold Key issue! From 1975, The Twilight Zone #63; sadly, as usual, no cover credit.

In the opener, "No Perfect Crime," a little girl at the fair is gifted a power--and a terrible burden--by a fortune-teller; to see through people and know what they had done, and what they would do. She promises to only use her power for good, and grows up to become a devastatingly effective lawyer, seemingly making criminals confess at her will. Her technique does kind of seem badgering, but that's probably just shorthand for lawyer-stuff in comics, so...She gets on with a big firm, but one of the partners approaches her about a case, to maybe take it easy on a murderer who was also "an important leader in the community," as in, probably kicking back to the firm. Refusing, she knows her number was up, and is later murdered after winning her case. But, she gets the last laugh, as she had carefully taped notes with how her killer did it, the holes in his alibi, and where he would be afterwards. Well, she went out on top, at least. (Written by Himilce Novas, art by Frank Bolle.)

Next, "In Their Own Time" is one with no Rod Serling opening or closing, which probably means it was produced to slot into any of Gold Key's books like Boris Karloff Tales of Mystery or Grimm's Ghost Stories. An elderly couple finds a pair of Hong Kong "immortality statues," which start to turn them younger. The wife felt they had lived a rich full life already, but the husband is gung-ho for his thirties again: she dies peacefully in her sleep, he's killed in an atomic war instead! (Art by Jack Sparling.)

The cover story, "Going Up?" isn't so much about a killer elevator, but a mean little blackmailer that uses the security cameras for blackmail, until he starts see giant bird attacks in the elevators, that no one else sees. Sent away for a rest, he probably should've taken the stairs...or maybe jumped, instead. (Art by José Delbo.)

Finally, and appropriately so, "Last Request" finds a scurvy scallawag of a soldier, during the French Revolution, facing execution for his crimes. He asks for a second chance, and seemingly gets it, but can he change his ways? Maybe a little, although it maybe doesn't help him out much. (Art by Adolfo Buylla.) 

Huh, I'm almost never timely with this kind of post; I'm in the Zone! Hopefully a charming one where I learn a lesson and live...  

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This wouldn't have been the most dignified opening for Serling, but I do feel like he would've been smoking through it.

I used to hate in old sci-fi stuff when to seem futuristic, ordinary items like clothing or small appliances were given catalog sci-fi noises, bings and beeps and whistles. Why would anyone want a beeping hat? But there's every possibility something is beeping at you in your home right now, so...Let's see what else the future holds in this issue! From 1974, The Twilight Zone #56, cover by George Wilson.

"The Vandals" is the cover story, and the lead has to catch up with the reader, as he was an amnesiac, having lost all memory in a bad future-truck crash. He's put in the care of a pretty mnemo-therapist, who he calls Nemo; and she calls him Jon. (Was his ID lost in the crash? They should know his name.) Jon is disturbed, when on a walk with Nemo, they see a "rest and relaxation" club swarm a car, smashing the hell out of it, and finally firebombing it. Nemo finds it perfectly ordinary: the club left their account number by the wreck, so the owner could be reimbursed later. She invites him to join her own R&R club that evening, where they blow up a rather nice house, shouting "remember the Bruteway-49 trashing!" It's a rallying cry like "remember the Alamo" even though no one really remembers it, just that it was the start of R&R clubs, shortly followed by the destruction of the Eiffel Tower, Mount Rushmore, and the Taj Mahal.

Jon tries to talk Nemo out of what he considers vandalism, but she still considers it normal and right. He then tries to stop a club--dressed as clowns, on their way to blow up 'J.Namath Stadium'--who of course also disagree. Destroying things made jobs, right? Made room for new things. Jon is warned, standing in the way of a legal R&R action gave them the right to kill him; but he wakes up before the hammer blow lands. 'Jon' was really Harry Green, an ordinary trucker from 1974. While still wondering about his dream, he sees a convertible doing 80 in town, and the passenger throws a firebomb (or large firecracker) into a trash can, blowing it up. The crowd of onlookers laughs, seemingly delighted, and even the cop seems not to care since no one was hurt. Harry notices it happened, on the corner of Broadway and 49th...in the Twilight Zone. (Written by Arnold Drake, pencils by Adolfo Buylla.)

"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" is a bit of fun: Mrs. Mooney, a cleaning lady for a lab, is more than sick of cleaning up after those big-shot scientists. But, she notices a leaking chemical seems to produce "instant shine!" so she uses it to clean up, dreaming of turning it into wealth and leisure...until it starts to grow and fill up the lab! This is a Gold Key story and as such has a very different ending than an EC version would have, but it's still charming and might remind you of other experiments. (Art by John Celardo, and no Rod Serling in this one.)

Next, "A Taste of Immortality," in which a young woman is hit and killed by a car on a busy street. A doctor is on the scene, but finds it's too late to do anything...since based on the condition of the body, she had been dead for five years or more! The woman's identification indicated she worked at a club (did that used to be a thing, ID for a job like that? 'If found dead, please return to the Tropicana.') and the doctor goes there to find fading hypnotist Mesmerus, who might have been depressed and drunk before he got the news. Mesmerus admits, he had been engaged to her, but she was dying of an incurable disease, so he basically hypnotized her to live. The doctor of course wants in on that action, threatening to expose Mesmerus if he didn't...can you blackmail a hypnotist? That seems like a great way to think you're a chicken for the rest of your life. After his treatment, the doctor decides he didn't want anyone else to be immortal, so he kills Mesmerus, but is spotted leaving the scene and caught. He's nonchalant at his trial; what were they going to do, kill him? Um, no: since there was no motive for the crime, the judge has him put in an institution for the criminally insane for life; and he's dragged away screaming he wants to die. No "Escape Clause" for him! (Written by Paul S. Newman, art by Luis Dominguez.)

Finally, "The Night of the Ravens" has the Ravens, your typical couple waiting for the rich uncle to die so they can get the inheritance. This rich uncle had a massive aviary full of actual ravens; and while the wife doesn't care for the uncle, she hates the ravens. When the uncle kicks it, she gets pecked by a raven when feeding it, so the husband poisons them and buries them. Dead ravens then start turning up around the house--I think the time to leave would be when you find one in the freezer, don't wait for one in your bed! Anyway, moral, don't mess with ravens. (Written by John Warner, art by Adolfo Buylla.) Read more!

A coverless Zone? But those are the best part!

But, this is an older one, so we won't look a gift horse in the mouth. From 1964, the Twilight Zone #6, cover by George Wilson if you find it! This was cover-dated February, but hit the stands November 7, 1963; while the original series was still on the air, just a day before the first airing of "The Old Man in the Cave."

The opening story is closer to "King Nine Will Not Return", though: "Captives of the Mirage," written by Dick Wood, pencils by George Tuska, inks by Don Heck. (Probably. There weren't credits, so this is researchers' best guess.) In WWII, a B-17 crash lands in the desert: as the plane goes down, the pilot Oakie seems to have a trance, where he senses a safe landing spot, possibly courtesy of the "Amulet of Arkan" he picked up in Cairo. Still, the bomber crew lost most of their water in the crash. With the amulet pointing north, they follow it, until at the very end of endurance, they find a desert town...complete with force field? Oakie manages to push through it, and he and his men are saved, feted with a feast and a gorgeous dancing girl, who warns him to "beware the mighty one." The head villager gets weirdly grabby with Oakie's amulet, but also seems to strongly resemble the figure on it. Sure enough, that's Arkan himself, and he had saved some Nazis for his muscle; but Oakie is able to use the amulet's magic powers against them. When he starts to go overboard, his co-pilot has to pop him one to snap him out of it.

Oakie gets his crew ready to leave, with the Nazis as prisoner, and taking the girl with him; but before they leave a dying beggar asks him to take a message. Oakie thinks the amulet would save him, but the beggar would have to wear it for a minute; and it's Arkan under a mask! Arkan had been trapped in the mirage for centuries for his crimes, and now could leave, with Oakie and his crew trapped. It goes great, up until Arkan ages centuries in an instant, and dies trying to push his way back into the mirage. Oakie and all are then able to leave, and he tosses the amulet back to the girl, since she couldn't come with him.

"The Night People of London" is a short detective story: on a foggy London night, a robber is foiled by a passerby, who seems to navigate the fog effortlessly. I'm not sure this one is based on historical fact, but it might be. (Written by Dick Wood, pencils by Mike Sekowsky, inks by Mike Peppe.)

The last story, "The Last Sixty Seconds" features not one, but three ventriloquist dummies, predating "Caesar and Me" by months! A ventriloquist is driven to suicide by his dummies, for the crimes of trying to marry into money, and killing a caretaker in a jewel robbery. As he sinks into the Seine, though, he realizes his puppet's breath had fogged the mirror while yelling at him: a rival act with a midget had plotted against him. But, did he figure it out too late, or will he still be able to avenge himself? (Written by Dick Wood, pencils by Mike Sekowsky, inks by Mike Peppe.) Read more!

Admittedly, you may get the creeps the next time you drive past some now...

Hoo, boy, we're maybe at the end of the Twilight Zone comics I had handy; and I seem to recall the cover story here being the dumbest I'd read in all the ones I've posted--you know, I'm going to take that back, that's exactly the sort of thing somebody says in a TZ story immediately before being messily killed by whatever they were badmouthing. From 1973, the Twilight Zone #47, cover by George Wilson.

"And Where it Stops, Nobody Knows..." is a fun title at least: a second-story man accidentally kills a night watchman, then gets trapped in an elevator. He gets out, only to have cheap special effects a magical journey to the past, courtesy of the wizard Zorak. Zorak explains, he had created a temporal portal, but balance had to be maintained: for him to go to the future, someone had to take his place in the past. The second-story man figures, it's better than being on the run from the cops, and helps himself to Zorak's ring before he goes. But while Zorak was in for a surprise, the second-story man is left to find Zorak may have had reasons to leave himself...(Written by Len Wein, pencils by Rich Buckler, inks by Sal Trapani.)

"The Man Who Hated Mankind"...you're going to have to narrow it down, there. And hey, no Rod Serling intro! This was only a four pager, and while I like the set-up, it has a limp twist of an ending. (Art by Jack Sparling.)

The cover story, "Something New in Town" is yeah, still pretty dumb. Like someone had a gripe with urban planning. A salesman finds a small town with new, modern streetlights...but not a lot of people. And the cover spoiled it for you, but again, not much there. The GCD does consider this one "unusually horrific" for a Gold Key story, and suggests the characters in it might have been 'cast' from classic TV. (Art by Jack Sparling again!)

Finally, "The Space Prize" finds two cosmonauts, about to launch to be the first men on Mars. Andrei is idealistic and excited, while Serge is a cynical downer: assuming they even make it, politicians and such would steal the credit. Serge considers his own theft, since he knows the Americans would shell out for their new propulsion system: he maybe thinks about it too hard, since Andrei can see it written all over his face, and a fight ensues. Serge kills Andrei with a flare gun--a lucky shot that could've gone either way, but he seems excited to have "the first murder in space!" He ditches Andrei's body, and cuts the remote controls, then fires that new propulsion system, which doesn't go as planned, even as Soviet mission control is furious over his defection. The ending vaguely resembles maybe a couple classic episodes, but isn't really a twist or ironic. (Art by John Celardo.) Read more!

If a little kid murdered me with toy soldiers; I gotta say, man, respect.

I may be just a hair older than this issue, but it's close! It was possibly on the racks when I was born, or pretty close to it. From 1971, The Twilight Zone #39, cover by George Wilson.

The title on the opener looks like it's from a Charlton book, for some reason: "The Youngest Witch" with art by John Celardo. Ralph Speaker takes a friendly interest in his young neighbor Mark: his dad was overseas, his mom had a new baby, and he was left out a bit. (This is all innocent, at least on Ralph's part!) After several fun excursions, including an ice show, Ralph notices Mark playing with a puppet, on a patch of ice--in July? Mark claims nothing was amiss, and the patch of ice was gone; but later Ralph finds Mark making stuffed toys float and move. Then, Mark is nearly hit by a taxi, that he seemingly makes fly over him: the cab driver thinks he just hit a bump, but Ralph suspects Mark might be a warlock. His suspicions are seemingly confirmed when Mark's toy soldiers attack him...but he's not quite right!

"Wedding March" is a cheerless ghost story, as a rich jerk murders a composer to steal his girl, but the music lives on, even if the jerk doesn't. (Art by Oscar Novelle.) Not that "Fool's Gold" is a laugh riot, either: a shifty prospector finds gold in forbidden territory, then kills a medicine man to cover his crime. Newly rich, he makes his way to a life of luxury in the big city; while a lot of blood is spilled looking for him. Still, the prospector gets got when he runs short of tobacco; if you've ever seen Creepshow 2, well, there you go. (Story by Len Wein, art by Alan Weiss.)

In the last story, "Escape Artist" what are the odds two magicians would end up at the same nursing home? Marcus and Bondini had been rivals for years, and were pretty sick of each other. In his glory days, Bondini had made an impressive escape from a locked trunk thrown in the river; but Marcus claims it was all faked with false panels. Later, Bondini challenges him to prove it, since he still had the trunk in the attic. Marcus gets increasingly frustrated when he can't find the trick to it, as Bondini laughs at him: Marcus tries to shake it out of him, but Bondini makes a fatal escape, shaking loose, slipping and hitting his head. Panicking, Marcus takes the key from Bondini, and locks his corpse in the trunk. The next day, Marcus feigns ignorance as the staff searches for the missing Bondini, but is really surprised when Bondini returns...a final escape? Or was he really dead? (Story by Paul S. Newman, art by Jack Sparling.) Read more!

Still more twist endings! From 1972, the Twilight Zone #42, cover by George Wilson.

A Vietnam vet wants to be his own boss, so he buys a secondhand cab, that turns out to be "The Haunted Taxi." (Story by Paul S. Newman, pencils by Luis Dominguez.) After the ghost messes with a couple of his fares, the vet finds a bullet in the back seat, and gets the seller to admit yeah, a gambler got murdered there. Still, buyer beware, chump! The dead gambler is more accomodating: while he couldn't leave the cab until he confronted his murderer, he's willing to work with the vet to find him. The gambler then wrecks the cab killing his murderer, but his last message to the vet is where he hid his cash, and how to get it. I suspect the vet might be out of the cabbie business after that one, though.

In "The Possible Dream" a young man has a recurring dream for years, of a village, maybe in Ireland? Not somewhere he's ever been, or even heard about; but eventually he and his wife try looking for it. There's a twist ending, that's straight dickery: this one feels like the shorter Night Gallery stories that were sometimes sandwiched between longer features.

Another young couple, burned out by modern life, attend a lecture by "Siddhartha Rama Gaya" on inner peace, in "At the End of His Rope." Siddhartha performs a rope trick to a small crowd, and asks the young man to climb it: he does, finding a new world at the top, a seeming paradise. When he comes back, everyone except his wife and the Siddhartha had left, thinking him a fraud; but they make their way out of this mad world. (Art by Mike Vosburg.)

Finally, the cover story, "The Day of the Palio," written by Paul S. Newman, art by Giovanni Ticci. I suspect Ticci may have contributed more on this one; the backgrounds show a lot of care. Top jockey Tony Marco and his friend Luigi visit Siena, Italy. Which, somewhat surprisingly for these comics, is real; and so is its famous horse race, the Palio di Siena! Tony's brought in as a ringer, but wonders why so many ren-faire costumes...and where did the TV antennas go? They're back in 1672, and the stakes are high: if Tony doesn't win, Luigi gets his ass thrown off the Torre Del Mangia, which I'm sure wasn't specifically built for that purpose, but seems well-suited for it. Luigi is convinced, but Tony seems unsure; and that night is visited by a rival contrade, who give him a sack of gold coins to throw the race. Tony is astounded by the medieval coins, which would be worth a ton, so the fix is in.

Tony leads the race until the last turn, then takes a dive. Oh, well...except, Luigi does get thrown off the Torre, and Tony is left trapped in 1672! The other jockeys in the present wonder why he missed Belmont; while Tony is frantically practicing, to see if he could win the next Palio and return home: Rod doesn't like his chances, in the Twilight Zone. Read more!

You either die a pirate, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain...wait, that's not right either.

You may have noticed, I traditionally don't scan the cover when I blog a comic; I just include a link to the Grand Comics Database. But, I have been scanning my Twilight Zone comics, partly because they have the nice old Gold Key painted covers; but also because TZ is one of those titles I used to only have a few of, so I could just grab them whenever I saw them cheap, and now I'm trying to avoid buying the same ones over and over. (See also: Kamandi, Groo the Wanderer, most Jonah Hex titles...) All that is to say, pretty nice cover on this one: from 1969, the Twilight Zone #29. No cover credit, but man, I hope that painting is still out there somewhere.

"Captain Clegg's Treasure" opens with Norton Mitchell having a bad day on the boat, tossed by a storm to the point he was looking forward to drowning. He enters a fogbank, then comes out to safety; for about 30 seconds, before he's picked up by pirates! Confused, Norton is forced at knifepoint to sign on as a pirate and hey, good timing, ship ahoy! Norton doesn't want to hurt anyone, but Captain Clegg makes it clear, he could fight, or he could die. On their second raid, Norton clonks a guy over the head; so he's meeting them halfway. After several weeks of pirate raids, he's had about enough, and tries to escape: Clegg catches him, and has him keelhauled. Norton survives, to the relief of his crewmates, who had taken a shine to the little weirdo. Cleeg takes him ashore to a small island, to bury some treasure: Norton tries to escape again, and is immediately captured again.

Cleeg's first mate murders some of the other sailors, at Cleeg's order, then Cleeg kills him. But Norton's third escape attempt is the charm, as he gets the longboat out and into a convenient fogbank...Norton drifts back into his own time, where he's rescued and taken to a hospital, muttering about pirates. The doctors think he must have cracked, but Norton ditches the hospital, and goes back and gets Clegg's treasure! A somewhat rare happy ending, but like Norton says, he earned it. (No art credit on that one, and I'm not sure I've seen any writing credits for these.)

Next, "Past...Present...Eternity" follows some students in Mexico City using hypnosis to explore past lives. Ray has a vivid tale of being a slave, working on the great pyramid; his pal Dick doesn't buy it. Ray is then killed on a drive, but his spirit comes back to...move a nail around? (Art by Joe Certa.)

Finally, in "Trapped Between Lives" Bernie Madsen is a sad nobody, selling peanuts at the ball game, convinced all 40,000 in the stadium have a better life than him. But, as often was the case in these stories, he finds a mysterious ad to "Change Your Life" which leads to a mysterious storefront and a mysterious salesman. The store is full of people, but they aren't customers, they're inventory: the salesman promises Bernie could become any of them. He picks a strapping blond man, and immediately becomes him, then remembers to ask the cost: a "very modest fee" of $500...a month. Oh, and he can't change back. Bernie is confident at first, but looks don't get him as far in business as he expected, and the $500 was coming due. He has a moment's respite when he realizes, wait, the salesman didn't know his name or where he lived...yeah, collections still finds him right enough, a thug that gives him a 'warning' square on the jaw.

Bernie turns to crime pretty quickly, which goes well for a minute, then south. He returns to the storefront, to try and get his old body back; but someone had bought it, wanting a simple, quiet life. Chased by the cops, Bernie ends up back at the ballfield, trying to lose himself in the crowd, but gets tripped by his old body! He's hauled off to jail, while the old Bernie is hailed as a hero. Rod Serling makes the traditional closing, like, it's makes you think, but it maybe doesn't? (Hey, full credits on this one! Written by Paul S. Newman, pencils by Art Saaf, inks (maybe) by Win Mortimer.) 

Two good ones this time, and the ever-popular US Postal Service Statement of Ownership: total paid circulation, single issue nearest to filing date, 225,841. Including 408 subscriptions!

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"The Numbers Game" in issue #69? Yeah, I'm sure that's a coincidence.

So I found several more Twilight Zone's in a box, and I can't remember if I didn't blog them before because I didn't want to do a bunch at once, or if they were terrible. I have no recollection of this particular issue, so I guess we'll see now! From 1976, The Twilight Zone #69, cover and lead story by Jack Sparling.

Back in the day, before my time even, I think people were worried about Social Security numbers, being reduced from a person with hopes and dreams and needs to mere information. Some of those people are probably still around now, all their info is probably on the dark web or just Facebook; I wonder if they even remember their concerns? "The Numbers Game" is a future story, where an amnesiac in a totalitarian society is chased by state security and rebels, and doesn't know why, just that he doesn't have a "life number." Given the temp name "Alan Ladox" he's chased around the city by both sides, with only one clue in his head: the number 15285. It's not a life number, what is it? 

Despite the future society being run by computer, it's not completely awful, as the state police on two occasions don't open fire on children or unarmed civilians. That feels more fantastic than anything I've seen in these to date! But Alan puts together several pieces: the government had been trying to hide the number of people that were against it (most arrested rebels were classified as "shoplifters" and such) and he had destroyed "SUMBAR," the head computer...with a grenade, model number 15285. The revolution wasn't completely won yet, but was rolling along.

"A Trip to Limbo" features cruel scientist Evans taking in another delivery of experimental animals to kill, but he blows up most of his lab when he fails to uncork a chemical on a burner. He finds himself trapped, but is dug out in the far-future, by green-skinned men, who throw him in with other humans. They're a rather fatalistic lot, who explain they were mostly extinct, replaced by a "higher order" hundreds of years ago. Evans takes up the task of proving his smarts to the new men, imitating their voices with a crude kazoo. This impresses them so much, they dissect him to see how his brain worked. Like many classic Zone's, bad guys only get to learn lessons too late. (Art by Amador.)

Ed Smith is so average and bland, he's "The Man Who Didn't Exist," seemingly forgotten by everyone. He finally decides to put that to use, robbing banks, surmising he was unrecognizable. But, when he decides to rob his own bank, he pushes too far. Ed ends up taken away quietly, I think so we could hear how he got got; because I kind of figured he'd have to be dragged off screaming "WITNESS ME!" The moral might be that it's a real fine line between confidence and arrogance, and Ed plowed right past it. (Story by Paul S. Newman, art by Frank Bolle.)

Not bad, but not great. Also this issue though; a Hostess Twinkies ad, with the Road Runner...Road Runners? With lines? Wile E. Coyote catches them, but they're saved by...Daffy Duck and Twinkies? And the title of this one is "Helter Skelter"? Feels like six things off-model here.

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I had to stop watching Night Gallery, to blog this one!

Huh, Night Gallery has never had a comic? Feel like it would be a few bucks cheaper to license, and you maybe have the gimmick of a fancy painting every story. Anyway, yet another Gold Key Twilight Zone today: from 1978, the Twilight Zone #88. Cover by Mike Roy.

"The Meek Shall Inherit..." is the inverse of a Charles Atlas ad, although it starts with the same scrawny kid/sand kicked in his face set-up. Marvin can't seem to accept that his girl Shirley could really love his skinny ass, but then gets slapped in the face with a windblown ad "to develop a super-body!" For five bucks? That's $24.14 in today-money! He sends in his cash, and gets a barbell in the mail, but it seems as light as a toy...but still bulks him up in moments! Marvin rushes to show Shirley, but is too rough in taking her out, then picks a fight over an accident. Shirley leaves, and other girls move right in, but he wants to go apologize. That's when he accidentally tears the door off a taxi; since he was getting even more muscles! He rips the door off his own apartment, then snaps the barbell in half, returning him to normal, skinny but wiser. (Art by Frank Bolle.)

In "Farewell Performance," a jealous actor wonders how one of his fellows was all of a sudden the talk of the town and considered the actor of his generation. Hard work, practice? Nope, magic potion! The up-and-comer had got it from an old woman he befriended, who gave him the potion and said just a tiny drop would infuse him with the "life force of any character he portrays!" He is then killed in the fight that follows, and the jealous one makes off with the potion unseen. That changes his luck, and a series of heralded performances follow, until a producer tells him Hollywood was interested in him, and would decide after tonight's showing of Julius Caesar. He decides on an extra-large slug of the potion, which proves a poor choice considering his role. What a performance! He really acts like he's being repeatedly stabbed to death! At least the cleaning crew has the sense to dispose of his medication afterwards; told nowadays kinda feels like his dressing room medicine cabinet would be stripped bare before the body hit the ground. (Art by Mike Roy.)

There's also a really slight two-pager, "Superstar," but yay, another Hostess Twinkies ad! This time featuring Marvel's Captain Marvel, and that's gotta be Sal Buscema art. Read more!

I was worried "cave bride" was going to be like a pirates/manatees thing...

There's a Far Side strip, where the bomb-disposal guy Bob might be a little distracted, since his wife just left him...but I wouldn't have expected archaeologists to have the same issue! From 1976, the Twilight Zone #72, cover by George Wilson. (Heritage Auctions had it listed!)

"Cave of the Time-Mists" is gonna be what it says on the tin, isn't it? Archaeologists find a cave probably not seen since the stone age, but with an anachronistic cave painting of a modern-looking man with a gun. Dr. Ron Sheppard's girl had recently left him, so he doesn't feel like he has anything to lose and presses deeper into the cavern, and of course finds the mists that send him back to the stone age, where he's forced to shoot a caveman to keep him from accosting a cave girl. Sheppard intends to take the girl back to the present, but they encounter a cave bear, and he causes a cave-in shooting it. He makes a home in the past, giving the cave girl his ring; and his fellow archaeologists find their bones (and his gun!) in the cave, thousands of years later. I'm not sure if Sheppard did the painting himself, but why didn't he paint a note for the future? "Dear guys: I miss TV. Oh God, how I miss TV." (Art by Bill Ziegler.)

"Your Daily Horror-Scope," is a shaggy dog number, as a man has repeated events seemingly predicted by his horoscope; so he goes down to the newspaper to see if he can get answers. Sure, he does, but they suck. (Art by Jack Sparling.) So, let's go on to "Sorry, the President Cannot See You Today." Marlin is an ambitious schemer, climbing his way up the business ladder at Zorn Aircraft; although he only gets meetings with President Seaton's secretary Karlovian. Through blackmail, sabotage, and murder; Marlin keeps climbing, which doesn't seem to do Zorn Aircraft any harm. Seaton eventually retires, and Marlin takes the top spot, with Karlovian still his loyal secretary, there to "protect" him from meetings and callers. By locking him in a dark, windowless "executive suite," presumably to die. Honestly, that's a pretty good racket! Run the show behind the scenes, with the president as a front you could replace as needed. (Art by Jack Sparling.) Read more!

Look, I still had one in the pile!

"One," he says. Ha! From 1973, the Twilight Zone #53, cover by George Wilson.

"The Yesterday Window" would probably have made a middling episode: a G.I. returns from Vietnam, but doesn't want peace and quiet, he wants to live in Greenwich Village! He gets a crummy attic apartment, but that's fine; he wants to paint, and that seemed like the place to do it. Then he has bizarrely vivid dreams about New Amsterdam (why they changed it I can't say) and finds a walled-off window that seems to look into the distant past there. Of course there's a pretty girl there, trying to talk her father out of sailing on a ship the G.I. knows is going to be lost; so he has to go back to help, which involves committing suicide in the present out the boarded-up window. But because this is an older Twilight Zone, he still gets a happy ending. (Art by Frank Bolle.)

"The Manuscript" is a period piece, where a hard-working doctor is killed before he can finish his life's work, so his wife picks up the ball, working herself to death to finish it, with his help. Uh...yay? "Time on His Hands" is far more fun, and could've made a memorable episode with the right casting: an officious efficiency expert is making everyone miserable at a factory, until he receives a handwritten note to "leave our section out of your survey." He traces the note back to the oldest section of the factory, where he finds a secluded, private section of cheerful, lackadaisical screwballs; who seem to work on their own schedules, with their own systems, and their own side projects. Also, there doesn't seem to be any exits, which doesn't seem to bother them? Maybe they're better workers than anyone would give them credit for. Still, not a good time for the efficiency expert, who is almost physically ill dealing with them. (Art by Jack Sparling.)

Finally the cover story, "Telephone from the Tomb," with art by Al Williamson. This features a type of character that might be somewhat unfamiliar to modern readers, a gossip columnist: Ramona Powers had been the power behind the throne in Hollywood, able to make or break young wannabes with a mere phone call. And her calls had continued after her death! She had actually had a phone line installed in her tomb and prepaid like a hundred years of service; which should be a hilarious parting shot, but an actor keeps getting calls from her. A private investigator works the case, which seems to point to Ramona's secretary; but there's more to it than that.

Man, that guy would stroke out in my house...For some reason, I hear "Inefficiency! RAMPANT INEFFICIENCY!" in a Dalek's voice. Read more!