Random Happenstance

I don't think the Damage Control guys could...control my damage, around here; but today we've got the last issue of their third and final original mini-series: from 1991, Damage Control #4, "Cleanliness is Next to Godliness" Written by Dwayne McDuffie, art by Ernie Colón.

Clean-freak DC employee Rex Randolph accidentally handled a cosmic artifact at a clean-up site, which he used to turn himself into Edifice Rex. Galactus has sent the Silver Surfer to earth, to collect some of Damage Control for information: cheery Bart Rozum is having a swell time of it, while account exec John Porter is able stop screaming, eventually. They are taken before the "Cosmic Congress," a name I hope they don't use often; the usual big names like Lord Chaos and Master Order, the In-Betweener, Death and Oblivion, and Eternity and Infinity. All of whom seem to be a little snarky with the puny humans; why do we need to talk to them again? (Because like 99 out of 100 cosmic-doodad-weapons ends up on earth, duh.)

Summoned before the group, after doing Infinity's nails, Edifice Rex enlarges himself to equal status with Eternity and Galactus, to explain himself: the universe was basically one giant mess since the big bang, right? Just spreading like an orange juice spill on a clean countertop. Rex was going to clean it all back up, compress the whole universe back down into the cosmic egg, then maybe put it on a nice shelf or something. This sounds pretty terrible to everyone, except Master Order, who seems up for it. The big cosmic names seem unsure what, if any, action to take: fighting Rex could do more damage to the universe, or as foreman Lenny Ballinger points out, maybe they're just afraid of getting their asses kicked.

Earth's mightiest heroes are gathered (and the Punisher, who had met Damage Control before, because more cosmic events need a really angry guy shooting at them...) but John makes a suggestion to CEO Robin Chapel, who fires Rex. No longer a Damage Control employee, there was no longer any need for him to clean anything up; so that takes the wind out of his sails. And Damage Control gives out a lot of their cards, to the heroes as they leave.