"Exposing."

I don't know if Kaine has run into Shriek before--and I'm almost positive Ben Reilly has run into D'spayre, but not him. Then again, I've probably looked D'spayre up half a dozen times since starting this plotline, and he really doesn't have a ton of appearances? And I weirdly have more than I would've thought: Kurt might have seen him a second time before, in Magik #3 of all places. (Also, Claremont and Byrne created D'spayre: since Jennifer Kale was involved, I was sure it was going to be Steve Gerber.)

 The Brazier of Bom'Galiath is probably still in the Sanctum Sanctorum somewhere collecting dust: Dr. Strange used it to send Eric Masterson to Mephisto's hell in Thor #443, a comic I'm positive I haven't read. Does the Brazier do anything else? Seems like it should, but I don't know, I'm not a master of the mystic smarts or whatever...

And of course, "Die, you chalk-faced goons!" is from Treehouse of Horror VIII's "The HΩmega Man," where in an extended riff on The Omega Man, Homer runs down Johnny and Edgar Winter. It's an honest mistake! For personal reasons, The Omega Man is a favorite, even if it feels too close to home nowadays: he felt completely alone, everything he believed in had fallen by the wayside, and he was surrounded by religious science-hating weirdos who had voted to drink his blood. As true today, as when it was written.

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I have to wonder how many Punisher fans stuck around after this issue, if any.

It's a little weird for that lot, I think. From 1993, Quasar #42, "The White Room" Written by Mark Gruenwald, pencils by Andy Smith, inks by Ralph Cabrera.

Quasar was still dead, after Infinity War, and Thanos had released a copy of Marvel Boy--now calling himself Blue Marvel to serve as a pawn. (I don't know that Gruenwald had a great handle on Thanos; and I'm not 100% sure what Thanos allegedly even wanted Blue Marvel to do. In fact, that maybe was the Magus's duplicate Thanos.) Blue Marvel had quantum bands like Quasar, but was childish, petulant, and just an all-around jerk. I'm not sure I've ever read old Marvel Boy comics--there weren't a lot of them--but I wonder, was he a jerk in those? I know he'd eventually be updated into "the Uranian," and be more alien and weird than just a brat. Anyway, Blue Marvel had fought Captain Marvel (Monica Rambeau) and here fights Hercules, Black Knight, and the Eric Masterson Thor. He does manage to get a shot in on Thor, knocking his helmet crooked so he couldn't see out of it, predating the classic Black Canary twists the Flash's mask from JLA: Year One. He then nearly gets choked out by Captain Marvel, and has to quantum-jump away.

Meanwhile, Quasar himself was in the White Room, seated at a long table, with various other Protectors of the Universe from the past. The other Protectors did not seem to have a concensus on what exactly the White Room was: heaven? A trophy room? Purgatory? Storage? Not particularly spirtually inclined, Quasar believes this to be "a crazy hallucination in the dimension of manifestations," which he had visited in an earlier issue, and was where abstract beings took shapes to appear in this universe. The other Protectors think, there might have been somebody else in that seat before him...

Then, we get to our big guest-star, the Punisher, gunning down some nobodies. He is approached by Blue Marvel, who's impressed that he kills people, without powers, and wants to learn from him. Frank isn't interested, so Blue Marvel tries a more battle-ready 90's look, with a helmet and guns. And in another subplot, on the planet Scadam--from the computer game tie-in Questprobe--Kayla Ballantine, Quasar's girlfriend, destroys the malevolent Black Fleet with the Star Brand. 

Back in the White Room, Quasar is arguing against reincarnation, claiming it didn't make sense from an administrative viewpoint: it would take too much energy to figure out what souls should be brought back as what. He's then approached by the spirit of his original mentor, Eon; who wants Quasar to kill him, saying that would free him...and lessen his own guilt. Quasar doesn't seem to be buying it, and wants to free himself without killing. Next, he's visited by the "Angel of Vengeance," who appears as a more-chiseled version of himself; Quasar's pretty sure that's still Eon, and isn't into vengeance anyway.

On earth, the Punisher finds himself surrounded by a SWAT team--either they had staked out the nobodies he killed, or Blue Marvel delayed him too long, but Frank was kicking himself. Blue Marvel opts to prove himself to the Punisher, by using his bands to just wreck the cops, in about three panels. Frank isn't impressed, and tells him if any cops were killed, he'd be coming for him next. He turns his back on him, and Blue Marvel considers killing him, but is interrupted by Thanos, who tells him someone was trying to free Quasar: stop that. Teleported to the White Room, Blue Marvel blasts the "Angel of Vengeance" apart, then turns his gun on Quasar...to be continued?

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I know I wanted so bad to see a flying saucer when I was little, so I'm glad I didn't get this comic until recently: it would've warped my impressionable little mind. From 1974, UFO Flying Saucers #4, cover by George Wilson.

This was a lot like the issues of DC's Ghosts comic that we've seen here, featuring allegedly maybe true stories, as well as some allegedly true hoaxes. For example, in "The Mississippi Mystery" two fishermen are abducted, examined, and then thrown back like fish that were too small. The men weren't drinkers, and seem to legitimately believe that's what happened, but were they tricked somehow? Or their imaginations ran away with them?

I kind of liked "Aliens Go Home!" from the UFO Casebook, where some strange visitors are driven off by villagers throwing fruit. Another story, "The Kinross Kidnapping," surprised me by really being based on real events, as an F-89 is deployed to investigate a UFO, but disappears over Lake Superior. To date, no trace of the jet or its pilots has been found...but Lake Superior is mighty deep.

Some say flying saucer/UFO stories started fading about the exact same time everybody got a camera on their phone; implying that all those stories were crap that would've been debunked by just one person there shooting video. Which is probably the case, as much as I would personally like to believe otherwise: I'd suggest, maybe we don't see flying saucers as much anymore, because they've pretty much seen enough of us. 

 No credits this issue, but the art is probably Frank Bolle throughout.

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I had to stop watching Night Gallery, to blog this one!

Huh, Night Gallery has never had a comic? Feel like it would be a few bucks cheaper to license, and you maybe have the gimmick of a fancy painting every story. Anyway, yet another Gold Key Twilight Zone today: from 1978, the Twilight Zone #88. Cover by Mike Roy.

"The Meek Shall Inherit..." is the inverse of a Charles Atlas ad, although it starts with the same scrawny kid/sand kicked in his face set-up. Marvin can't seem to accept that his girl Shirley could really love his skinny ass, but then gets slapped in the face with a windblown ad "to develop a super-body!" For five bucks? That's $24.14 in today-money! He sends in his cash, and gets a barbell in the mail, but it seems as light as a toy...but still bulks him up in moments! Marvin rushes to show Shirley, but is too rough in taking her out, then picks a fight over an accident. Shirley leaves, and other girls move right in, but he wants to go apologize. That's when he accidentally tears the door off a taxi; since he was getting even more muscles! He rips the door off his own apartment, then snaps the barbell in half, returning him to normal, skinny but wiser. (Art by Frank Bolle.)

In "Farewell Performance," a jealous actor wonders how one of his fellows was all of a sudden the talk of the town and considered the actor of his generation. Hard work, practice? Nope, magic potion! The up-and-comer had got it from an old woman he befriended, who gave him the potion and said just a tiny drop would infuse him with the "life force of any character he portrays!" He is then killed in the fight that follows, and the jealous one makes off with the potion unseen. That changes his luck, and a series of heralded performances follow, until a producer tells him Hollywood was interested in him, and would decide after tonight's showing of Julius Caesar. He decides on an extra-large slug of the potion, which proves a poor choice considering his role. What a performance! He really acts like he's being repeatedly stabbed to death! At least the cleaning crew has the sense to dispose of his medication afterwards; told nowadays kinda feels like his dressing room medicine cabinet would be stripped bare before the body hit the ground. (Art by Mike Roy.)

There's also a really slight two-pager, "Superstar," but yay, another Hostess Twinkies ad! This time featuring Marvel's Captain Marvel, and that's gotta be Sal Buscema art. Read more!

It sucks I'm never going to see the Capitol Building again without thinking of January 6.

Admittedly, I may have thought of this every time I saw it before: Anyway, today we have from 1980, Mystery in Space #111, cover by Joe Kubert.

This was a revival of the classic DC sci-fi title: the previous issue, MiS #110, had featured Ultra the Multi-Alien and was published in 1966. It still looked like they were in apocalypse mode, though: from 1979 to 1980 DC put out five big issues of Time Warp, which ran with the header "Doomsday Tales and Other Things." Time Warp #5 was on stands March 1980 and MiS #111 June 1980: vile speculation, but I wouldn't be surprised if these stories were originally meant for Time Warp, then DC maybe course-corrected from the larger book to standard-size. This is a roundabout way of pointing out the stories here were maybe gloomier than usual for the title, or DC's traditional sci-fi stuff. "Final Warning!" finds an earth ambassador risking his life to get a transmission back to earth, warning of an upcoming invasion...He dies sending it, only for it to be denied unread as "postage due." I...I feel like even in 1980 they should've known that wasn't really how 'electronic mail' was going to work. (Written by Gerald Brown, art by Dan Spiegle.)

In "Viewpoints," a robot in a distant, humanless future looks back through a time viewer at a prehistoric family, and sees itself back in the past. It tries to destroy the machine so it wouldn't get sent back in time, which of course makes it happen; but the humans have something to teach him. It has some dark moments, but gets to a happy ending. (Written by Charlie Boatner, art by Marshall Rogers.)

"Sure Things" is a groaner with the last man on earth, then a sci-fi tale with Jim Aparo art: "The Singling," also written by Gerald Brown. An alien invasion has wiped out humanity, seemingly to the last man; but he's not who you'd think. Hey, the Capitol again, and the Washington Post, being about as goddamn helpful as it is today. I wouldn't even wrap fish in it!

"Once Upon a Time Machine!" is almost a palette cleanser after the rest of the issue, as a young librarian steals a time machine for his research project, into the origins of fairy tales. The beardy jerks at the Temporal Research Center laughed at him, but he wasn't taking no for an answer! But, when you observe a phenomenon you might affect it; especially if you repeatedly affect things, like causing beans to grow a giant beanstalk, or waking an ailing sleeping beauty. Still, is there really magic in those tales...? (Story by Mike W. Barr, art by Steve Ditko.) Read more!

"Meow."

You've probably seen that in dozens of movie trailers: where they take a popular song, slow it down, maybe play it in a minor key, and throw in some reverb to make it creepy. Pretty sure you could do that with the "Meow Mix" tune, even without demonic chanting.

Marc is alluding to the end of Blood Hunt, which...didn't really do anything for me, and while it did bring Moon Knight back, the whole affair seemed largely to set up the next event, One World Under Doom. I'm in no mood for that, I gotta say: Doom might be a goddamn improvement at this point. I'm not even joking, he'd probably be better for women's rights alone. (Everyone is mistreated equally under Doom, but he wouldn't withhold life-saving care for bullcrap reasons.) I swear it feels like Marvel's pulled this like four times, with Norman Osborn or Hydra Cap: here's a horrible fascist state, that's different than the one you're stuck in because...um...I dunno, Arnim Zola?

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This isn't really a horror comic--oh, quit that!

From 1987, the Transformers #31, "Buster Witwicky and the Car Wash of Doom" Written by Bob Budiansky, breakdowns by Don Perlin, finishes by Jim Fern.

If you watch a bunch of old Transformers cartoons in one sitting, most of the episodes in the first two seasons seem to revolve around the Decepticons trying to get some new fuel source: it might seem repetitive, but if you landed on some weird new world, you'd probably spend a lot of time foraging for food too. And that's the start of this issue as well, as the Decepticons hijack an oil tanker. The mission goes smoothly, despite--or perhaps because--of the absence of Megatron and Starscream: the Decepticons were currently under the logic-based command of Shockwave, but he seemed to have to answer to Ratbat. Ratbat might have been a mere cassette, but he was also...an accountant? "Chief Decepticon fuel auditor of Cybertron"--yeah, he's totally an accountant. And Shockwave's leadership was proving as inefficent and wasteful as Megatron's, maybe worse: the tanker had been hijacked, after it had been emptied! Ratbat berates Shockwave, to maybe think outside the box, like exploiting the natives...and if Ratbat doesn't have a British accent, that's totally what I hear for him now. 

Meanwhile, in Portland, Oregon; business was booming at Sparkplug Witwicky's garage, since the addition of a new automated car wash. It's more like a combination car wash/drive-in relaxation spa, and weirdly popular. This was leaving his son, Buster, swamped with work; so much so that he can barely get away when his friend Jessie comes by. He complains about the work and the boredom, but still, Buster had decided he couldn't have adventures with the Autobots anymore, since his dad had had a heart attack and didn't need the stress.

Downtown, tech mogul G.B. Blackrock has a press conference, hyping the massive success of his automated car washes--like Sparkplug's--and presents a new and improved version. Look, there wasn't internet back then, but there had to be something better to do; a super-popular car wash chain should be suspicious as hell. Sure enough, Blackrock is under the control of Ratbat. That night at Sparkplug's, Jessie swings back by, and asks Buster to go through the car wash with her. Buster is being a thick-headed sourpuss until Jessie throws herself at him, but then she suddenly stops, seemingly mesmerized by the flashing lights in the car wash. She tells Buster she has to go, and he decides to follow in his truck. She drives to a Blackrock refinery, seemingly to fill up. Buster flashes his lights at her, to get her attention, breaking the hypnosis; but he's then stopped by Laserbeak! Buster was worried Laserbeak recognized him, but no, it had just been getting him in line. Buster realizes, the cars weren't being gassed up there, they were having their tanks siphoned. And tons of other cars and drivers were in line for the same, including Sparkplug!

As Jessie and Buster watch from a distance, G.B. Blackrock and Ratbat give a presentation, to a hypnotized crowd: look, it's mostly to get the exposition out for our benefit, okay? Ratbat had hypnotized Blackrock, then given him the first "Wash and Roll" unit. Blackrock's corporation then made and distributed more, which hypnotized drivers into delivering their tanks to the Decepticons. But, the hypnosis wore off too quickly; hence, enter the new and improved model! Then those pesky humans would stay hypnotized. Sparkplug's about to be the first victim, so Buster has stop him with his pickup, but is then chased into the car wash by Ratbat. Ratbat sucks the fuel out of Buster's truck, then encourages him to not waste energy struggling, just give up already! Buster fights Ratbat off with a tire iron while avoiding getting hypnotized, until Jessie can save him by coming through the other end of the car wash and backing into Ratbat.

Buster can't gamble on getting Autobot help in time, so he smashes a neon sign with his trusty tire iron, creating a flash that breaks the spell on everyone else. The crowd starts throwing things at Ratbat and Laserbeak, who were far from the biggest Transformers, but I'm still pretty sure they could've murdered everyone there. Still, that would hardly be fuel efficient, so they take off. Freed, G.B. Blackrock makes plans to make amends for the trouble caused--which feels like the least realistic turn of events in this entire comic--and Sparkplug thinks his son could do better than pumping gas. Buster and Jessie have a kiss in the end, which I doubt would've flown on the cartoon, so good for them.

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