"Stretch."

 

We probably could've had the standard Marvel misunderstanding fight with Spider-Man 2099 vs. Nightcrawler there, but Kurt's usually pretty good as de-escalating things. Which I always thought was why he was killed off for a while: the X-books needed conflict, external, internal, whatever; and Kurt would've been a damper on that. I am of course still mad myself, that when Kurt finally does get mad, when he realizes Cyclops had been using X-Force for secret murder missions, he's immediately killed before anything comes of that. 

Also, who did Spidey 2099 lose? Well, coming up we have three figures I don't think I've used before here, before we even get to that!

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The cover kind of struck me as like Daffy's upcoming "Coyote vs. ACME" appearance.

Also, this title had a crazy long run--from 1994 to late 2024/early 2025--even if I think a lot of that was reprinting itself. This story could've been re-run three times for all I know...From 1996, Looney Tunes #23, "This Isn't Your Life, Daffy Duck!" Written by Jack Enyart, pencils by Héctor Saavedra, inks by Rubén Torreiro.

Daffy finds himself in a situation like Reuben in American Flagg! where the project continues, but he gets cancelled. This being Daffy, he's actually managed to get fired from starring in his own life's story, which...is kind of an achievement, honestly. Since Warner Brothers' owned his likeness, there wasn't anything he could do about it; worse, Porky lets it slip that they're having open auditions for the role of Daffy, so every Tom, Dick, and Harry within earshot rushes to try out. (Or every Hippety, Charlie, and Hazel, among others!) Hmm, Daffy is consistently the butt of jokes in these, so you wouldn't think playing him would be a plum gig, but like I keep saying, it's work, baby, got to keep working it.

Crashing the set, Daffy interrupts Sylvester's audition in "Robin Hood Daffy" (a stone classic!) then Wile E. Coyote's in "Duck Amuck." The latter convinces him this is all somehow Bugs Bunny's doing; and definitely not because he told Warners "exactly where they could put their cameras, lights, and equipment!" This leads to another crashed audition, and a version of "Rabbit Seasoning" with Foghorn Leghorn, Henry Hawk, and Daffy arguing about who was a duck; which inevitably leads to Daffy getting shot by Yosemite Sam, who feels he nailed his audition anyway.

Finally getting to the head of the studio (via Duck Dodgers jetpack mishap) Daffy finds Bugs, who tells him his biopic was cancelled. Fuming, Daffy quits: this wasn't the only studio in town; but Bugs notes the other one already had a duck. 

The rest of this issue was a Bugs Bunny story and a couple shorts, but the lead feature is the highlight. Huh, I might'a been wrong: this series ran until #281, but I had thought more of that run was reprints. Earlier, we saw "Field of Screams" which had been reprinted in the series three times! I'm not sure "This Isn't Your Life, Daffy Duck!" was ever run again, but I'm not positive it wasn't, either. The series was "stealth cancelled" in 2025 but now might be the time to come back; although now I wonder if it's been continuing in some better country; like Finland has quietly reached issue #762 by now...

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The future, if Bruce Wayne put his money into social programs. (No, we're not having that discussion again!)

Even though it was probably a popular title that whole time, the Legion of Super-Heroes only appears once in the classic Brave and the Bold run? Both Sgt. Rock and the Metal Men make a bunch of appearances there! Counting this issue, I can think of maybe three times Batman has met the Legion, but I still figure Bats has to spend 40 minutes confirming his identity every time he sees them. Also, I feel like they always have vaguely insulting questions for him, like "you're a founding JLA member and have no powers, at all? How?...seriously, how?" From 1981, Brave and the Bold #179, "Time-Bomb with the Thousand Year Fuse!" Written by Martin Pasko, pencils by Ernie Colón, inks by Mike DeCarlo.

This could maybe have used another pass; but after Batman stops some really dumb thugs from stealing a time capsule before it's buried; 1000 years in the future two scientists investigate the "Mandorian relic" that was in the capsule? (Not that one!) The relic seems to be some kind of egg with an anti-matter shell, so cracking it could be disasterous; it is of course immediately stolen by...some guy we've never seen before, wearing headgear that looks like he's cosplaying as Conan's axe. The Legion of Super-Heroes arrives, but fails to stop him and his "super-hypnosis," and the bad guy escapes--to Gotham City, 1981! Batman holds back a moment, after the guy hypnotizes down some guards, but then tries to keep him from messing with the relic; then Batman is taken back to the 30th century with the baddie!

The axe-head guy, Anton, meets up with the main villain, Argus: they're casual in the future! But 'Argus' might have been the villain's first name and never used again: he was really Universo! I had forgotten he was a Green Lantern once; I mainly knew him for using hypnotism and mind control, but his kid Rond Vidar was immune to it, so Anton was needed to control Rond, with a skullcap helmet under a wig! Anton appears to have just popped Rond's hair off like a Lego minifigure's. 

While several girl Legionnaires are disappeared into the time stream as hostages (Universo refers to them as 'nubile,' a word that isn't used much anymore and we're better as a society for it) Batman breaks into Legion HQ to get help--you know, I'm 90% sure he could've just knocked, but that wouldn't be Batman. Later, the Legion fights the bad guys, which involves the usual getting hypnotized and fighting each other, while Batman has to launch the egg into space before it blows. The girl Legionnaires are returned--they were going to be put at ground zero of the explosion, but that instead puts them into position to wrap up Universo. With everything squared up, the Legion takes Batman home.

I don't think Anton adds much to this one, it felt like somehow subcontracting from one of the Legion's usual bad guys. And I had thought the Legion was maybe being condescending, but they might have really liked Batman and getting to hear about how things used to be done. Maybe; they're kinda gathered around him like they're waiting for Grandpa Simpson to tell them how this tree dates back to frontier times or something.

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I'm momentarily at a loss if I read this one before or not: it wasn't in crossover hell yet, so maybe, but...from 1992, Batman #482, "Vengeance of the Harpy" Written by Doug Moench, art by Jim Aparo.

This was the conclusion of a two-parter, setting up a new villainess for Batman, the Harpy; who was tied via Greek mythology to Maxie Zeus. Mid-issue, when Batman visits Maxie in Arkham, the retiring director of the asylum says "not that madness is contagious, but..." (Setting up later stuff, the director was being replaced by Jeremiah Arkham!) Maxie seemed to have passed madness to his girl Iris, who had costumed up for revenge on some of Maxie's gang, who were trying to unload some swag without their boss's permission--worse than that, if Maxie was Zeus incarnate! As Harpy, she seemed pretty effective, though: circus trained and kitted out with gadgets, including a glider. She does off the disobedient gangsters, but can't kill the "Bat-demon." Sadly, she hasn't been used since, probably because Maxie Zeus sucks.

Despite the Aparo art, this stretch was kind of a fallow period for Batman: it still had Norm Breyfogle's Batman and Robin in the corner box, but he wouldn't be back until #492, the first chapter of Knightfall; then #493 would be his last on the series until one more, #556! Read more!

80-Page Thursdays: Avengers Academy Giant-Size #1!

Man alive, when was the last time we had a Marvel 80-pager here? Way back in 2019! But, we've got one I hadn't seen before, with a couple characters that were getting the push at the time, and maybe a couple Marvel's still trying to break big. And, it might set up not one but two series later! From 2011, Avengers Academy Giant-Size #1, written by Paul Tobin, pencils by David Baldeón, inks by Jordi Tarragona.

Full disclosure here, and absolutely personal bias: I don't love the Avengers Academy era. It didn't feel like a great use of some established characters--hey, Hank Pym's not in anything, I guess he's a teacher now. But just from this issue, the Academy kids seem to feel like they're treated like property, forbidden from using their powers unless it's in service to the Avengers or the government. (Pretty sure you should side with the kids, but it sucks that some Avengers get made the bad guys for enforcing that, even if they were getting the screws put to them as well.) On a rare day off in NYC, Reptil, Veil, Finesse, and Striker decide to enjoy the day; even if it's only a day and they were probably being watched by Avengers even if they promised they wouldn't...The kids happen to see Firestar and Spider-Girl fly/swing by, but after they wander off from each other, Reptil and Veil worry the others might have run off, and they might get in trouble themselves if so. Their search is cut short, when while checking out a somewhat suspicious Avengers Academy poster, they get hit by flying bricks and giant robots. No points will be given for guessing the baddie: it's Arcade.

While on their way to meet up with fellow Young Allies member Toro, Spider-Girl and Firestar are lured in by a giant Spider-Girl balloon and captured as well. Arcade intended to put them all in his patented death-traps, but Reptil and Spider-Girl wake up early, so Arcade improvises a competition between them, to score points and save their friends, or at least some of them. He seems to be enjoying creating on the fly; but the whole endeavor was meant to show he still had the juice to kill super-powered heroes, even if they were just kids. (Arcade claims to have killed 'scores' of regular people, an interesting choice of terms!) While gas-girl Veil figures out her trap, Spider-Girl and Reptil run Arcade's wild goose chase: eventually, Arcade murders them all, or at least appears to: no spoiler, but O.G. junior hero Kitty Pryde pulled the same on him, back in Uncanny X-Men #197! 

Traditional as hell: of course the Avengers and the government aren't looking when the kids are kidnapped: they can only surveil to punish you, not help you. This also seems to pretty much set up the later Avengers Arena and Avengers Undercover series with Arcade; but Reptil was the only hero from this issue to appear in those. I don't know if I've seen Reptil lately; which would kind of be standard for a younger hero like that after his book went away; except he was also in the Super-Hero Squad cartoon and comic! I wonder how many years we are away from a childhood fan of his bringing him back. (He did appear in a King in Black issue fairly recently.) 

Firestar...man, Firestar's been around since what, 1981? And Marvel still seems to be at a loss over what to do with her, at least consistently: her most recent appearances were the last West Coast Avengers, where I think she had PTSD and alcoholism, developed after her stint as a double agent against Orchis during the Krakoa era. Which may or may not be an improvement from having to sit at the kid's table? I'm not saying all of Firestar's stories should be sweetness and light, but that feels a bit much.

I had to look up the others: Veil had to give up her powers before they killed her, but Finesse seems to have settled into B-list bad guy for hire work. Her powers seemed like Taskmaster's, but part of her larger plot was that the Academy deemed her among the most likely to become a villain, so she just did. At least a bit; she maybe just didn't want to anything to do with Avengers after that, which, fair. Striker's maybe still out there, but not used for much except maybe crowd filler. The Young Allies Toro was a largish bull-guy, not the old Human Torch's sidekick, but while I thought he would've been phased out when the Liefeld-era girl Bucky was removed, he stuck around at least a little. He might be one of several refugees from alternate earths on 616, but the original Toro came back as an Inhuman, so we might not see YA Toro again.  

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"Case."

So I was going to try to be a bit more selective in my figure purchases, and maybe try to avoid buying some characters I already have maybe more than one of. And then I buy this new Spider-Man 2099, because he is a bit of improvement on the old one: perhaps taking a cue from the Spider-Verse movies, Miguel is a bit beefier than Peter. He probably has a more forceful voice than Peter usually would, too.

I mostly just wanted to establish some of the regulars were out, but I am curious about Howard and Death's Head's case; we'll see if I ever make it back to that.

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I still haven't watched his series, but honestly, Marvel/Disney is missing the boat by not getting "Secret Hospital" on there. From 1986, Wonder Man #1, written by David Michelinie, pencils by Kerry Gammill, inks by Vince Colletta. Cover by Bill Sienkiewicz!

Was this the first mention of the in-universe soap opera "Secret Hospital"? Michelinie would use it again years later, as Mary Jane Watson-Parker would get a role there in Amazing Spider-Man; but here Simon Williams flubs an audition for it, by not turning off his glowing ionic eyes. (Which I'm not sure he could do before!) Sulking over it, we get a recap of his origin, and this was post-Avengers #211, where Simon left the team to go Hollywood with Hercules, but rather unsurprisingly none of Herc's contacts had worked out for him. Headed back to Avengers Mansion for a workout, he gets a tip from another hero who never felt he was far from the unemployment lines either: Scott Lang, Ant-Man! He gives Simon a card for Cordco, a scientific research company set up by Tony Stark, before he lost his company to Obidiah Stane. (Ah, continuity! Like a warm hug when it does a good job.)

Cordco turns out to be weird science central, and after Simon goes through on the tour; a scientist desperate for a breakthrough blows open a dimensional portal and unleashes a horde of angry little gnomes. His prospective employers are somewhat blase about sending Wonder Man into the thick of it, but hey, he's invulnerable! He doesn't even have to breathe, which is kind of news to Simon: it feels like it took him a long, long time to get his head around his powers. While he does manage to save the day, he later loses the job when during another emergency, he gets called in by the Avengers to stop the Sandman from causing a nuclear meltdown. The Sandman's not usually like that (although, the splash page notes this was before Marvel Two-in-One #86!) but had been told he was dying of cancer. Simon is able to stop him, and whatever they did in the reactor room cures Sandman, but Simon's annoyed that they may have found a cure for cancer and lost it. Still, all of this maybe helps Simon get himself back on track. 

 This is also noted as being before West Coast Avengers #1--wait, the GCD even notes, this came out in '86 but is set before "Marvel Two-In-One #86 (April 1982) and West Coast Avengers #1 (September 1984)." It reads all the way like Michelinie is giving Simon his own supporting cast, for solo adventures, then nopes it away in the end.

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