It's at least partly because I keep coming in midstream, but I haven't loved a lot of Captain America stories in his regular title for some time. There was something I enjoyed this issue, though! From 2024, Captain America #13/LEG#763, "The Last Stand of the Front Door, part 2" Written by J. Michael Straczynski, art by Carlos Magno. I got the David Yardin variant, which kinda looks like Morbius is giving Cap the business; I couldn't be lucky enough to get the Godzilla variant from the dollar bin!

Again, I'm coming in midway through a storyline, but I don't think I'd ever be onboard with pseudo-Starlin level metaphysics in a Cap book; as here he's working for Lyra, an embodiment of Life itself, to stop her brother Death from wiping out the human race, as he's somewhat understandably sick of watching us kill each other. With a small team of mutants (new ones, nobody we know!) and a Guardian (who I don't think is Heather from Alpha Flight? I was confused because she's had not-Canadian flag costumes before, but feels like that'd be mentioned somewhere, and she has a sword: OK, pretty sure now she's just for this arc) they have to get a psychic, Malik, to the "mystical safe house" of the Front Door Cabaret. Death gives a ton of power to a massive crowd, threatening them with their own demises if they don't comply and stop Cap and friends. Taking back some magic rings, which I hope isn't a Captain Planet riff, Cap throws down with Death, to force him to draw that power back. Lyra had offered Cap a chance, to go back to his old life, to "lay down his burden," which feels a lot like trying to comment on his MCU arc, but we know darn well Cap isn't going to cop out here, and he doesn't.

Death gives Cap a pretty bad beating, before he realizes Malik was safe and he'd lost; which to him meant the suffering of humanity would be extended. He threatens Cap, that a bad end was coming for him. With seemingly everyone gone, while healing up Steve wonders if they made it, but thinks he might never know...while unseen behind him, a flowerbed blooms.

So, that didn't work for me much, except seeing Cap being Cap, even in a plotline that didn't feel like it was for him; but the next issue had Spidey and Thor guest-starring, so maybe Straczynski could course-correct from there. What I did like, was a Deadpool and Wolverine "Street Ball" ad, in the style of the great Spalding Jack Davis ad from the 70's! I know I've seen Wolvie and Pool hoop it up multiple times (like when I first started reading Deadpool!) but my headcanon now is that they sucked and always have. Wolvie's short and heavy as hell, no way he can jump...(Pretty sure that's Ryan North and Scott Koblish.)

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"Contract."

How do you get a bunch of super-powered egomaniacs to play in your little fight games? Honestly, it's probably easier to take Grandmaster and Collector's route here, and just give them stupid crap that they want. Mind control is risky: they'll turn on you if they get free, and it also might dull their game. Hostages and threats will only get you so far, especially if you're also taking hostages and threatening the other players. Care and feeding of hostages, plus keeping track of who you threatened with what; what a hassle! The only other aspect that comes to mind would be overly competitive types, that will fight for glory and love of the game; like the Champion, or Power Princess if she doesn't stop to think about it. 

"Purgatory Island" is of course a riff on Wonder Woman's Paradise Island, although I'm not 100% sure Power Princess means it: she might allow some men, as cooks and servants and such. They may or not be castrati, depending upon how she feels at time of hire...I don't think Hyperion has ever been shown to have a Supergirl-style cousin, but we've made that joke a couple times here, as well as alluded that Power Princess does not buy that story at all. In case it's not obvious, I find the Princess fun! She would probably be around more, if she stood a little better: Sat is a much better 'actress' in these strips. Very stable, always hits her marks, rarely topples over. That said, that Satana figure is what, from 2013? I had started this plotline with maybe the idea of swapping the figure with Spider-Woman, who per OAFE.net uses the same body. Just to have a back-up plan...

Also, we finally see the 'guy' Spider-Man 2099 had been trying to get back: Spider-Hulk! One of the shrinking number of Toy Biz figures to not get a remake yet and still look good. Miguel seemed to want to rescue him pretty badly, but Pavitr seems less enthused...

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I think Frank mentions this has been tried before, and never ends well for them: giving the Punisher drugs is just going to be a bad idea. Even super-high he'd probably be cleaning his guns and planning mayhem, so that's not really stopping him either...From 2009, Punisher War Journal Annual #1, "If I Die Before I Wake" Written by Si Spurrier, pencils by Werther Dell'Edera, inks by Antonio Fuso.

Searching for a kidnapped little girl, Frank crashes the club of drug guru Captain Pepper, who caters to superhero and villain wannabes and groupies alike. Having appeared fairly regularly in the main series, the Rhino makes a brief appearance, which catches him both the side-eye and a grenade from Frank! Pepper isn't concerned, though; as he had just dosed Frank with "the psychic suckings of a kiddie's brainbox," plunging him into a trip of a child's imagination. Trying to use his rage to focus, Frank also had his current tech-guy Stuart Clarke guiding him by drone from the club's bathroom, but he can't see the real little girl and gets tased by Pepper.

Every so often Marvel pushes "MGH," or Mutant Growth Hormone, as the drug of choice for disposable dealer-type bad guys, and sure enough that's here, although Captain Pepper might be trying to diversify as well. Pepper has some weird tattoo/curlicue design on the side of his head, which I'm pretty sure is so he doesn't look exactly like Grant Morrison; but he's got some even more weird little helpers, Misters Jingle and Jangle, who can suck thoughts and dreams from someone's mind, and Pepper sold whatever they didn't digest. There was apparently a market for Frank's "psychosis in a can," to "supersquares want(ing) to get hard in the head": if Punisher lasts more than six hours, consult a physician immediately. (A joke, but it's alarming to consider how many people might want that drug, to kill all mercy inside themselves...) Coming through an airduct, Stuart manages to rescue Frank, but then gets a faceful of Punisher-brain from Mr. Jingle, rendering him a drooling psychotic: the clientale of Pepper's is likewise dosed and fare about the same. Imagine having even a smidge of Frank's rage, making you so goddamn angry you couldn't even do anything about it except vibrate in undirected fury--wait, I'm sorry, that's my social media feed.

Frank gets Stuart and the little girl out, where the building is surrounded by cops: shrugging, Frank says he just did as the girl asked, and gave away some magic apples. Yeah, those were grenades and you know it, Frank. Escaping with Stuart in the commotion, Frank looks back and momentarily sees the little girl not with her own family, but with himself and Maria. It doesn't last, but it's a nice thought; while Stuart is not enjoying his Punisher-trip and probably puking his lungs out. Frank advises, you get used to it.

I don't always comment on the art, but this feels like it could've gone like 60-70% harder on the drug trip: the colors likewise don't pop enough; that portion should be a lot brighter. My favorite comic trips: the Brian Bolland cover and Brendan McCarthy art for Judge Dredd's "Report to the Chief Judge on the Accidental Death of a Citizen" or Kevin O'Neill's 'Legends of the Dark Mite' or Judge Death's Scarecrow trip in "Judgment on Gotham." The colors, Duke, the colors--er, I mean, just say no, kids! Read more!

Oh, man, I hope Beatriz still flies around like that. Clears out the sinuses!

This is a pretty banged-up copy, but a moderately important one! From 1979, Super Friends #25, "Puppets of the Overlord!" Written by E. Nelson Bridwell, pencils by Ramona Fradon, inks by Bob Smith.

It always strikes me, when I get a random old issue of Super Friends; that it was in theory the younger reader, kid-friendly version of the characters, based on the cartoon; yet still leaned surprisingly heavily on continuity and lore, even events and characters not seen on the show. Today, bad guy Overlord (really the second Overlord, the first had maybe been his puppet, or was maybe now a puppet) had taken over a small nation and was using its resources against the Super Friends, starting with a "thought-induction helmet." Since the JLA satellite was too far away and he didn't know the heroes' secret identities, Overlord strikes at them at the Hall of Justice, located in scenic Gotham City! The assembled heroes go off the rails for justice, with Batman and Superman, frustrated at having to work within the law, opting instead to take over North and South America, respectively. Aquaman realizes all the mistakes he made as King of Atlantis, and decides to correct them by taking over all the undersea kingdoms; while Wonder Woman opts to free the oppressed women of Africa, and the Wonder Twins choose to bring their superior alien culture to Eurasia. Oh and Robin goes to Australia, where he has a run-in with Tasmanian Devil--no, not that one, you know it's not! 

Batman heads up to the JLA satellite, where he immediately has to gas Green Lantern for not being onboard with his plan. Likewise, Wonder Woman throws down with her "black sister" Nubia in Africa, and Superman knocks out Beatriz Bonilla da Costa, aka the Green Fury, better known to us as Fire, in her first appearance! Her flaming--and, inexplicably, freezing--breath does nothing to the Man of Steel, so not a great start for her. Aquaman takes out Mera and Aqualad, to keep their "old-fashioned morality" from getting in his way, while Jan and Jayna's plan to rule hits a snag when they address a crowd somewhere in "the Arabian Peninsula" that didn't speak English. But, Seraph, the hero of Israel shows up to help--look, it was a different time, alright? Although even so I'm wondering what he was doing there. When Jan and Jayna change form, they snap back to their usual selves, and realize that's how they can save the other Super Friends, by changing them to their civilian identities. Except, Aquaman didn't have one, so he was going to be tougher, especially since the team had to fight him plainclothes! (A bit of lip service is paid to protecting their identities: if anyone saw this fight, it was just going to be Atlanteans, who were telepathic and could've found out anyway, if they cared.)

Aquaman puts up a solid fight, using a squid to get a Kryptonite meteorite to keep Clark out of it, then he no-sales a Green Lantern battering-ram by letting it hit him in the back of the head: his blonde hair was yellow and immune to the power ring's yellow impurity! Diana however is able to contact Mera to pop him one, and the magic lasso cures everyone of the mind-control effect, but they don't know who was behind it. Meanwhile, Overlord ponders his next attack, while one of his puppets seemingly taunts him...

Also this issue: another of DC's title-specific subscription ads; and their Daily Planet hype page! Man, I miss the latter: I know they tried to do something in that vein with "Channel 52" for a while, but it's not the same.

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For Americans, this was like space Sgt. Rock, if Ice Cream Soldier and Bulldozer and L'il Sure Shot all hated the new guy.

That might not be entirely accurate, but pretty close! From 1987, 2000 A.D. Presents #16, reprinting strips from 2000 AD and Tornado #140-#145 and 2000 AD #61-#63. Cover by Tom Grindberg!

It took me a dog's age to find the previous issue, which had the conclusion of space prison break serial Harry Twenty on the High Rock: Alan Davis art! So, this issue starts a new serial, the VC's. Not unlike the much later Bad Company or any number of British war comics, it starts with a new recruit joining a squad of hardened, grouchy, slightly insane veterans. In space! Which explains one of the taglines for the series: "If you're hit, you're dead!" since almost any hit would rupture a space suit. Young Steve Smith had signed up to help earth and the colony worlds defend against the invading "Geeks," but is surprised to realize he had been assigned to a unit of all colony soldiers, who of course do not immediately take to him. They have to explain their private joke squad nickname, short for "the Vacuum Cleaners." I had thought this issue might be most of their storyline, but the V.C.s not only ran for a while, it got a revival starting in 2002. (Written by Gerry Finley-Day, art by Mike McMahon, Garry Leach, and Cam Kennedy.)

Also this issue: Dan Dare on "Nightmare Planet!" (Written by Jack Adrian, art by Brian Lewis.) Yeah, it's a world of illusions and Dan has the will to see through it, but it is an excuse to show his old foe the Mekon for a sec. Dare had a little over two years at 2000 AD, including a stretch with Dave Gibbons art, but might never have really fit in there? After a seemingly ill-advised shift towards a more superheroic bent, Dare's last strip for the time was 1979's 2000 AD and Starlord #126. Back to this title, though: I thought I had more of this, I'm missing like the next eight issues! Read more!

Hmm, I have another issue of "Red Daughter of Krypton," but we didn't really look at it; and there's maybe more to this than getting a joke out of wanting a red outfit. From 2014, Supergirl #30, "Red Daughter of Krypton, Part 2: Red Remembrance" Written by Tony Bedard, pencils by Emanuela Lupacchino, Yıldıray Çınar, and Diógenes Neves, inks by Ray McCarthy and Marc Deering,

This storyline, crossing over with Red Lanterns, would run to at least Supergirl #33, and this wasn't even the start of it: filled with rage over the return of the Worldkillers--who may or may not have been from Krypton, and/or played a part in Krypton's destruction--Kara had taken the dip into the blood ocean on Ysmault, and came out a Red Lantern, ring and all. So far Guy Gardner hasn't had the opportunity to tell her, uh, that was permanent, and she wouldn't be able to remove the ring without dying. (It's probably worse than that; I don't think Reds could survive without a certain constant amount of rage, and if that tapped out it was over.) With fellow Reds Skallox (the one with the head like a goat skull) and Zilius Zox (the ball-shaped one! Both got way more characterization in their run than you'd expect.) Kara helps defend a planet from the Diasporans, who were natural-selection fanatics: they would assault planets to weed out the weak, in the hopes the survivors would be stronger. The Diasporan leader isn't disappointed with the setback, since Kara--and Kryptonians in general, but maybe mainly her--were inspiring to them; as they too had lost their homeworld but become incredibly strong because of it. (And, well, yellow suns and such. Why the Diasporans are so into this isn't clear yet.)

Skallox and Zilius Zox are impressed with Kara, even if she largely was just using her own powers instead of rage-vomit blood; but Guy was of course having a hard time with it. If Atrocitus was still alive--and you know he would be--the Reds would need the extra muscle; but he didn't like the idea of Kara full of rage, even if she was still super-angry and possibly unstable even by Guy's standards. We don't see it here, but I know there's a later issue where Superman gets involved, and is more than a little steamed at Guy: "Jordan was right about you." Damn, Supes, don't say anything that can't be taken back.

Also this issue, regular plotlines continue; as Blaze escapes from the prison called the Block. She turns a computer into something more hellish-looking, possibly because she doesn't like to type, to search for Supergirl and Silver Banshee...I swear though, I thought Supergirl had the red ring for like two issues! This ran for at least ten maybe, between the two titles. Read more!

"Next."

You see tournament arcs in comics all the time: I know there was a recent one in The End 2099 #1. That had space Dracula, who I think inexplicably has his classic outfit? And maybe future Galactus, possessed by Knull, some Age of Apocalypse guys are brought in, there's a Spider-Man 3099 now...it honestly didn't work for me; maybe I'll finish it from the dollar bins in a few years. 

Nighthawk is of course a Batman-analogue, but could you prepare for a Ghost Rider Spider-Man with seemingly all the powers and no weaknesses? I'm pretty sure Batman has ghost-punching brass knuckles, but I don't think that's an everyday-carry item. (Hellboy is often seen pulling charms and such out of his belt; he'd have a better chance!) 

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