Where was the real Black Racer during this? For that matter, where is that slacker now?

Damn--or rather, 'goddamn' in this case, I suppose--I thought I had a full set of these, but grabbed this one to blog and it wasn't familiar...unless, of course, the Anti-Life Equation wiped that knowledge from my mind. Well, guess that's what the blog is for! From 2001, Orion #15, "At the Edge of the Abyss" Story and art by Walter Simonson. (His birthday was just this week, and he's the best!)

With the Anti-Life Equation, Orion had brought peace to the universe...by controlling it. And yet he was still furious, as he discovers his father Darkseid was still alive: currently, along with Metron, they might have been the only free wills left in existence. Orion sends Lightray to find them, and he's able to even through their cloak, discovering Darkseid and Metron as they scrambled to work on a simulacrum replica of the Black Racer. Using the Equation, Orion is able to command Darkseid and Metron to appear before him, as well as to force answers from his father: Orion's mother, Tigra (not that one!) had tried to convince him that Darkseid wasn't his father, in the hopes that Orion would then kill him. Darkseid admits he was Orion's father; while irked at Tigra, Orion feels the deception had been unneccessary: he was more than willing to kill Darkseid. Darkseid warns--or perhaps blusters--that whoever killed him, would be cursed, and their children would be cursed, and their children's children, for a thousand generations. Orion scoffs at that: he was already cursed.

Back at the abandoned faux-Black Racer, an unseen figure (with green gloves...) uses a Mother Box, to disguise himself as the Racer. Meanwhile, Orion reviews Darkseid's history, as a sort of indictment. He then uses the Father Box he had received from his father's, ahem, "close personal friend," Mortalla; to create a gun to kill Darkseid. Orion pulls the trigger, on an empty chamber: a flourish, learned from years of watching Desaad. (Orion mentions, offhand, having killed and resurrected him with the Equation.) Figuring everyone's hands would be clean and uncursed if Darkseid was his own executioner, Orion gives him the now-loaded gun, and with the power of the Equation tells him to kill himself.

Before Darkseid can pull the trigger, the Black Racer interrupts them, claiming Orion had affected the cosmic balance in "setting (himself) up as the equal of fate." That could either be working from a script or prophecy, or a bit of improv; but also seems to imply Orion has to kill Darkseid himself and be cursed...(It's also why I'm always less than enthusiastic about stories with Superman or the Justice League fist-fighting Darkseid: they aren't part of that narrative!) The Racer then takes it to the gathered crowds, seemingly killing hundreds: Orion is furious over the loss of life, but the Racer points out Orion had taken their wills, so what was left? Tyranny. The Racer opens a Boom Tube, and Orion gives chase. After they disappear, the collected gods are freed from the Equation: Lightray thinks that means Orion was gone, perhaps dead; but Darkseid says their Racer had been a ploy, he wasn't sure what had happened. (We do see Desaad collapse with Orion's disappearance, seemingly returning to death.) The intent had been to lure Orion into a Boom Tube with no exit...and, it's noted, those supposedly killed by the Racer, were merely stunned. Darkseid gives truce for the day, in his son's memory; and the gods of New Genesis return home. (If there was still a New Genesis at this point, I forget!)

I love the little guys at the bottom of this page: I think Simonson did a metric ton of those, little throwaway background characters and cameos, for Orion #5. He could've put those on every page! Some distance away, the "Black Racer" removes his disguise, having escaped from the Boom Tube. (Escaped, you say...he also has a very distinctive cape and aerodiscs!) And Orion seemingly crashes somewhere else, that appears to be the roots of a massive tree...The last few issues here had very much been "absolute power corrupts absolutely," and while Orion had good intentions, he also was riddled with what charitably could be referred to as "anger issues." It's very telling, in that faced with a universe of everyone's problems, Orion's answer is, let's everyone shut the hell up for a minute.

Also this issue: another "Tales of the New Gods," "Greater Than/Less Than" Written by Kevin McCarthy, art by John Paul Leon. Canis Major had been one of Darkseid's mightiest Dog Soldiers, but his son Canis Minor, with the aid of a salvaged, damaged "Step"-Mother Box, had developed an interest in art. Having long feigned an interest in war, today Canis Minor rebels against his father, knocking him out, taking his armor, and leading the Dog Soldiers to a victory against New Genesis. Then, in the aftermath of battle, he frantically sculpts a rider slumped over his mount, to the roaring approval of the Dog Soldiers, who appreciate "the art of war." Unfortunately, Darkseid does not: "I may not know art, but I know what I like...and I don't like this." He orders Canis Minor killed, noting "sons have always plagued me." Ah, everybody's a critic.

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Last week I had been digging for a Hostess ad, hoping for one with the Coyote: I found one, but I also grabbed a few more old Gold Keys, probably fished from the same quarter box. This one did have a Hostess ad, but was sort of interesting itself! From 1976, Tragg and the Sky Gods #5, "Attack of the Man-Apes" Written by Don Glut, art by Dan Spiegle. Cover by Jesse Santos.

This series only ran nine issues or so, but appeared to be an attempt at a new man vs. dinosaurs book; which Gold Key had so much success with in Turok. It seemed built more on continuity than Turok though: Tragg and his girl Lorn were mutants, prehistoric cavemen altered by the alien Yargonians to a more modern sort. While they had sympathizers within the "sky gods" like Keera, most of the Yargonians were trying to conquer and enslave the primitive primates of earth. This issue, returning from helping Tragg the previous issue, Keera is caught by her betrothed Zorek, who had fairly quickly realized wherever Tragg wrecks his plans, Keera had been right there. (I had to look if Glut had ever written Captain Marvel, since this seemed like the old Una/Yon-Rogg subplot from the early days of that title. Which I never read, but still.)

Meanwhile, searching for another tribe to help them free their people, Tragg and Lorn encounter an ape-man, and save him from a dinosaur. The ape-man, that they somewhat hurtfully call "White Top," isn't grateful: he thought they had killed his god, that brought his people fire, since not knowing how to make it, they had to get it from a crack in the earth. Tragg tries to explain how to make fire--seriously, it's not rocket science, guys--but they get swarmed by apes, beaned with rocks, and fall into a crevice. Tragg and Lorn then have to escape from below the earth's surface, while White Top struggles to think, if he should help those that saved him.

A trapped and starving "acrocanthosaurus" (which I would've assumed was made up, but was real!) is a problem for a bit, but is eventually burned up in an oil pit. The apes are thrilled to have their "fire god" back, and won't listen to Tragg explain that wasn't a god. Tragg and Lorn say farewell to White Top, encouraging him to pass on what he had learned to his people, then press on in their quest. 

 This was part of the "ancient astronauts" fad of the era, which Kirby also tapped into for the Eternals; and the Inhumans were also the result of aliens monkeying around with...well, monkeys, I guess. But the ancient astronauts theory is often a bit condescending and racist, largely to the effect of "primitive people were dumb as crap, how could they have ever accomplished anything without help, the firm guiding hand of their betters?" Um, how about a really long period of trial-and-error; that might've done it. Oh, and this issue did have a Hostess ad, with Sylvester foregoing pursuit of Tweety for Hostess Cup Cakes. Those Cup Cakes have to be tastier than Tweety. Less bones, anyway.

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"Sickest."

Black Ant may be the first person to show up lately without a sword, but he's there in his role as Taskmaster's husband--if you don't follow Kim Hu on BlueSky, you probably should! Actually, I treat Black Ant as Tasky's hypeman, and for some reason they come across to me as the Mooninites from Aqua Teen Hunger Force: they're annoying, they insist they're better than you, and one or both is probably super-wasted. (EDIT: I also forgot I had this Taskmaster, but obviously found him: I thought I was going to have to go with the old Toy Biz one!)   

 I feel like I have seen, somewhere in Marvel continuity, where Hercules had to defend himself against a former student--or, I might be thinking of Marvel Super-Heroes #1, where Herc has to push through the bad memories and defeat a foe with archery, which he had kind of sworn off. That and I was watching Jason and the Argonauts again the other day, and spoiler alert: Herc's pal Hylas, gets himself squashed by Talos, and Herc leaves the Argonauts and their quest to find him, or really more in shame. Despite usually being portrayed as a partyboy lout, Hercules has a more tragic history than Thor, because he spent more time with mortals: I feel like most of his Marvel history was like Herc losing a spouse, moping for several years, finding love again, damn, losing that one too, and so on. Throw on top of that all the friends and foes he saw grow old and die; and you maybe see why Herc spends as little time thinking as he can get away with.

As usual in what passes for continuity around here, Deadpool is still Venompool! Partly because I love the figure, but also Pool and the symbiote might be good for each other? Now Pool's fourth-wall breaking non-sequiturs would seem like he's just talking to his 'Other.' If that doesn't just reek of sanity! Although, also in continuity here, Lady Deadpool knows Gwenpool, although this may or may not be the same Lady Deadpool: it's not the same figure, she got a new one in the recent Box wave. (A wave I didn't love, although I did want Marina and Box to shore up Alpha Flight!) I suspect Lady Deadpool got remade, to get her on the shelves the same time as some movie Deadpool figures, without having to go all-in on a movie styled version. 

And we again see Red She-Hulk, at least in the background: she has a big friggin' sword, I think from...Fear Itself? The event with all the hammers--wait, how'd she get a sword, then? Man, I wish Betty was still Red and not the Harpy or whatever now; she deserves better.

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If these had been the next issues...we probably wouldn't have the All-New All-Different era.

The quarter bin again comes through; since I don't think I recalled this series, and I'm usually more than game for whatever Alan Davis feels like doing. This one is set during a very specific window, though! From 2014, Savage Hulk #1, "The Man Within" Story and pencils by Alan Davis, inks by Mark Farmer.

The story is set immediately following X-Men #66, which had been the last issue of the series before it went to reprints from #67 to #93. The X-Men had a brief scuffle with the Hulk, with Jean Grey turning him back into Banner, so they could get a gamma device to resuscitate Professor Xavier. (Resuscitate him from...? Something? Look, nobody was reading X-Men then.) But, the Leader had been watching that fight, and reviewing the tapes, catches Bruce say the word "Xavier," and begins investigating for the device.

Meanwhile, out in the desert, the Hulk was getting shot at with advanced missiles from the Hulkbuster division of the United States army, that are probably the reason America can't afford healthcare; and he still ends the fight by throwing a big ol' rock at the launcher. Back at Xavier's school, the Professor was still fiddling with Banner's device, having determined it had been intended to cure the Hulk: Xavier still felt a psychic imprint of Banner's torment, and was determined to help him. (Davis draws an excellent tormented Xavier: you believe he's seen how much being the Hulk sucks and was compelled to save him by any means he could.) The Hulk, momentarily at peace in the desert, reverts to Banner, who later is taken in by an elderly couple for dinner. The X-Men--a full boat of them, the original five, plus Havok and Polaris--investigate Banner's desert lab, but when they then try to follow a gamma radiation source, they don't find the Hulk, but the Abomination! Who is getting shot at by missiles like those shot at the Hulk earlier. To be continued... 

This was a fun four issues, with gamma radiation affecting some of the X-Men in unusual ways, as they make a good effort to save Banner from the Hulk. Sure, it wasn't gonna happen, but still. The last two issues of the series were from Gabriel Hardman and Corinna Bechko, and were set post-Hulk #300, with the mindless Hulk banished to the Crossroads, then Dr. Strange is taken from testifying in front of Congress, to save an alien world from the Hulk. Those were pretty good too, glad I grabbed the lot!

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Taste the rainbow!...ew, it's all coppery.

You aren't gonna believe this, but I actually had to go back to Humble Bundle for this one! But, I did have a good reason. From 1976, Star Trek #37, reprinting 1969's Star Trek #5, "The Ghost Planet" Written by Dick Wood, pencils by Alberto Giolitti.

So, last week I pulled a copy of Star Trek #37 from a random box, for a quick (and lucky!) scan of the Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote Hostess ad. (By the way, Coyote vs. Acme was great!) But, looking it up on the GCD, #37 was a reprint: a reprint, that left out three pages! Let's be honest: even a good Gold Key Star Trek story barely holds together; cutting three pages was not going to help it out any. Also, for good measure, the midsection of this issue had come loose, so the pages were out of order in my copy anyway! I was going to go to the DVD-ROM of Star Trek comics, but the only computer I have right now with a disc drive is my janky old laptop; so I guessed Humble Bundle would have this one--at least as issue #5, anyway.

So, on to "The Ghost Planet." The Enterprise investigates a planet surrounded by rainbow-like rings, and finds it civilized but seemingly abandoned. The landing party is led by robots, to communicate with the leaders of "Planet Numero Uno," Justin, and...Justin. Kirk is about out right there, but hears out their story: the rainbow rings emitted a "copper radiation" that was harmful to them, and the populace had to evacuate to two satellites, which were now over-populated. Could the Enterprise help them? 

Before they can try to assist, the landing party finds a room guarded by robots, two of which grab a security guy who gets too close--note I don't say "redshirt," since this was real early on in these comics, and they did not have a wealth of reference materials for the artist or writer! Also, I thought those robots were going to squash that security guy between them, like the poor groundskeeper in the Doctor Who serial "Pyramids of Mars". Spock saves him with an electric shock, which probably should've got the security guy along with the robots. Investigating further, they find a war room: the two Justins had led opposing armies, and thousands had already died before the rings came. 

Taking the Justins onboard the Enterprise, Kirk calls them out, then declines to help them; since even if their planet could be saved, they would just go back to war, and could spread to other planets. Pleading for help, the Justins claim they were out of weapons, and if the planet could be saved, the Enterprise could leave surveillance devices and bombs, to blow them up if they return to war later! This doesn't feel great, but Spock says their work is "to help planets--not watch them die." Which is both against the Prime Directive, and the first Gold Key issue where the Enterprise destroys a planet of dangerous plants! Pick a lane, Spock!

Working with the satellites, the Enterprise magnetically pulls the rainbow bands away from the planet. Kirk and Spock go back down to the planet, to see if the radiation lingered; but instead of the copper radiation they find atomic: the Justins had cached their weapons, before leaving the planet, and had been on the verge of developing atomic weapons. Worse, the Justins then attack the landing party, blocking the transporters: despite having phaser rifles--god, I love the old-school phaser rifle, they probably could've leveled half the planet with those--somehow this looks bad for the crew, until Spock contacts the ship, and brings back the rainbow bands! Spock tells them they could bring the bands back at any time, and the Justins are stifled. Spock later explains, he had Dr. McCoy play films of the bands, creating the illusion that they had returned. 

I don't know how the Ghost Planet's governments worked: the two Justins seem pretty chummy, despite sending thousands of their citizens to their deaths: they work together against the landing party and even had their weapons stored together, with little "property of Justin I" and "property of Justin II" signs! Also, this is hardly my favorite Ghost Planet...now, please rise, for our national anthem:     .

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On the upside, I did find this alarmingly quickly.

Dolly Parton, Tim Curry, Peter Cullen...I'm hustling to type this before we lose anybody else. We all knew they were getting on in years and wouldn't be around forever; but we wanted them to be, and in a lotta ways they will be. 

This week already was terrible, but somehow I didn't schedule today off from work, since I was going to go see Coyote vs. Acme. You should too! The early reviews have been pretty good, and honestly the little guy against the big evil corporation should be something we can get behind. Meanwhile, I didn't have a post ready for Friday, but since we saw one in an old Twilight Zone, I thought there might be another Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote Hostess ad, and sure enough, there was, in 1976's Star Trek #37. A lucky guess! Couldn't tell you if there were more yet.  

We'll probably look at the rest of that book next week; I just want to see the back of this one. Be safe and we'll see you then! 

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80-Page Thursdays: DC's Saved by the Belle Reve #1!

I have zero attachment to Saved by the Bell, and I know there's a remake that maybe leans on the idea that everyone involved is a bit sociopathic. Anyway, the point is, the title for this one was a stretch: from 2022, DC's Saved by the Belle Reve #1. Cover by Juni Ba. 

 This was maybe a year after the Suicide Squad hit theaters, but in case you missed it or the reference, Belle Reve is the prison in those comics. And said Squad appears in "High School Lows," as substitute teachers, that go predictably awry: Harley as a counselor almost makes sense, but once Weasel has somehow become lunch-lady, even the Squad knows something isn't right. (Written by Tim Seeley, art by Scott Kolins.)

The opener this issue was a Gotham Academy story, which feels like burning it off? It maybe took a couple years off but had three issues earlier this year; although I'm not sure if the old cast aged out or continued: in comics, they would have the option to continue! ("Sophomore Year" Written by Becky Cloonan and Brenden Fletcher, art by Karl Kerschl.) "Back to School" follows Damian and Jon Kent, as they help a nonbinary student with a bully: the student does attempt to reach out to him, but when the bullying continues, time to get decked. (Written by Peter J. Tomasi, art by Max Raynor.) 

There's a Green Arrow/Speedy story, where Ollie grounds Roy from the Titans, until he gets his grades back up; which feels like him being more involved in Roy's life than ever before. But, Ollie also has to listen to Batman's parenting advice, like twice: being a buddy didn't work, but neither did being a hardass. There's a bit of a happy ending, until you remember Speedy still becomes a junkie. ("Earn it Back" Written by Dave Wielgosz, art by Mike Norton.) 

Art Baltazar and Franco bring the Tiny Titans to Belle Reve in "Piece Making," then Brandon Thomas, Craig Cermak, and Black Lightning try to answer the question of why Jefferson Pierce served as Secretary of Education under President Lex Luthor. It should be inspiring but just feels infuriating, especially when Jefferson still has to brownnose Lex like the rest of the Cabinet, in a scene that feels way too familiar.

I liked "How Angels Are Made" a bit more: Jean-Paul Valley comes out of the System, at an abandoned school where he was routinely tortured and abused as part of his training from the Order of St. Dumas. Azrael activates inside of him after one incident, where Jean-Paul is then dragged off of his abuser before he can kill him; but the overseers reset him, and tell the abuser not to go easy on him next time. (Written by Dan Watters, art by Juan Ferreyra.) Finally, "A Night Off" for Barbara Gordon and Dick Grayson of course is interrupted, but they still make to their prom...y'know, I don't think Dick would'a been Nightwing then, but sure. (Written by Andrew Aydin, art by Nelson Daniel.)

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