"Trickling."

Why is Mephisto behind this? If you've seen his accessories, you might have a clue; although his big one is yet another throne I don't really have room for. (I bought the big Super7 Silverhawks Transformation throne a while back: while it's eating a lot of shelf space, it is neat and a steal at that price!) Hell, I still have the Marvel Select Mephisto throne! Read more!

"Sure, he's big and scary and legit could kill you; but he's basically your training level."

 

I don't know that there's enough institutional memory at Marvel anymore for editorial to have suggested it, and I swear there's more examples, but for a new hero you're probably going to fight the Rhino pretty early on. Probably not in your first issue, what with origins and set-up and all, probably the second issue. And he's perfect for it, like an early boss fight in a game--like Spidey's PS1 classic, for example. Rhino is tough, but not too tough; a bad guy but not like a bad guy (he loves his grandma!) and beating him is a big confidence booster.

From 1995, Green Goblin #2, cover by Scott McDaniel.

From 2005, Gravity #2, cover by Mike Norton.

From 2019, Miles Morales: Spider-Man #2, cover by Sana Takeda. Hey, that's a cheat, Miles had been around for some time then, he was hardly a rookie. But, neither was the next one:

From 2023, Uncanny Spider-Man #2, "Blue Streak" Written by Simon Spurrier, art by Lee Garbett. Cover by Tony S. Daniel.

During the "Fall of X" event, most of the Krakoan mutants were missing and feared dead. Nightcrawler was hiding out (for certain values of "hiding out") in Central Park, wearing a Spider-Man suit for disguise. Which yeah, probably shouldn't work as well as it does: this issue, a confused Mystique is going on about losing her baby, but clocks him before he can unmask. She accuses him of helping humans and interfering in mutant matters, so Kurt lets her go, in a bit of a huff. He's then briefly visited by the white Bamf, that he isn't sure is a figment of his imagination; before getting a better visitor: Dagger, of Cloak and! Said Cloak had been MIA for a couple days, but might have been in his own bad mood. (Nope!) Kurt tries to reassure her, but after she leaves, he gets attacked by the Rhino!

Anti-mutant organization Orchis currently had control of the Rhino, but their tech guy wonders why Silver Sable International would need him, if they were so slick. Sable advises the reverse was also true, and that Orchis had all but begged to test out Rhino: she saw him only as bait, though. Meanwhile, Kurt was trying to get a red-lit gadget off of Rhino, and Sable recognizes it as similiar to something that had been on Kurt during his monsterized murder-spree. (Which, best recollection; I don't think we saw much of on panel?) While Sable renegoiates her contract, Kurt is thrown off Rhino, into a trap: an electrical field to keep him from bamfing out, then shot with tranquilizer darts and a capture-thing that looks like Doc Ock tentacles. Sable has words for her racist henchman Kremer, while Kurt cuts himself free--with a magic sword? Sable is less annoyed that he's done that, then the fact that said sword hadn't been in his file.

Doped up, Kurt's no match for Sable, who snags him by the "unexpectedly soft tail." When the Rhino charges them, Kurt is forced to pull an unsafe move: teleporting him and Sable down, into a tunnel. Sable is impressed, until Kurt admits that had been a guess, a leap of faith. In the dark, Sable had his tail in one hand and a gun in the other, and couldn't turn on the light in her helmet; but Kurt recognizes her accent as Symkarian, and tells her about a sunrise he had seen there as a teen. After an explosion knocks her on top of him, Sable kisses Kurt, then apologizes, as it felt unprofessional. 

The moment is interrupted by the Rhino, who appeared to be in pain from a malfunction in whatever was controlling him. Kurt teleports the Rhino, high above the park, and tries to pull the control mechanism off for proof. The white Bamf advises no one would believe that anyway, so maybe don't kill yourself trying; and Kurt acquiesces, bamfing the Rhino over the Orchis control van, crushing it. (The tech guy gets out.) Stuck in a hole, Sable considers this job might be more difficult than she had planned...

Spurrier had been writing Kurt for a while here, through Way of X and then Legion of X, but Uncanny Spider-Man is far better: less muddled with supporting characters and Krakoa morality and crossover mandates. Of course I'll still say "read them all!" but you know me. This series somehow still had room for Kurt to be charming as all get out, while still deep in PTSD/survivor guilt and a redemption arc for his moms.  

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But this storyline wraps up this issue, how is...oh, it's literal.

Also this issue: some nuclear safety tips that sound reasonable; maybe double-check that. From 1984, Jon Sable, Freelance #9, "Cliffhanger!" Story and art by Mike Grell.

Sable had been hired by a woman, Trina Cole, believed to have stolen $100,000 from her employer's safe; but after some research and running around, he and another young woman are confronted by said employer, and his squad of paramilitary--and foreign--goons. The employer, Sherman, had been ex-US military brass and made himself "General" of his little army: while he was thrilled Sable had recovered his documents, of course he now knew too much. (Sable deadpans, "If you thought my fee was too high, why didn't you just say so?") Fortunately, before he can be murdered, Sable pulls a hidden knife to kill two guards, then escapes with the woman through a window. It's a relatively short sequence and Sable makes it seem easy, getting away after tying his shirt to a rock and throwing it down a hill, to give the dogs a false trail! (Would that actually work? Maybe, since they had gotten to the water.)

Finding a secret base underneath the resort, Sable confronts the woman, who reveals herself as Angela Ryder, Air Force Office of Special Investigations. She had been keeping tabs on Sherman, who probably read as disgruntled long before. Sherman's safe had been robbed by an Air Force major, who had also tried to kill Sable because he thought he was working for him. But, Sherman now had a nuke! Worse, four of them! Still, Angela matter-of-factly explains they could be dealt with, either by blowing them up or burning them. "You can't 'cook off' a nuclear explosion," although I do wonder what your cancer risk is being around a bonfire of fissionable material...

Sable rigs a simple 'detonator' with a cigarette, a matchbook, and a box of ammo; before he and Angela are cornered by Sherman. Which is mostly so he can explain his game: he'd cheated his terrorist partners, with a live nuke, headed for New York City! (The terrorists had intended to park the first nuke, unarmed, at the UN; to show what they could do and as a 'gotcha' to the US military.) With an inside man at NORAD, it would look like a first strike; and the US would retaliate: he was convinced by actually making the first strike, the US could win a nuclear war before lunch. Sable isn't terribly impressed, since a large stack of wooden ammo boxes was already catching fire; he then throws a knife into a guard, who knocks Sherman off a rock bridge, leaving him paralyzed, presumably to be killed in the usual massive explosion. Sable and Angela escape, although Sable ditches her to go after the nuke: he didn't feel like he could trust her. One truck explosion later, and Sable is able to go home, and find out why Trina had been able to get past his security system, and had been desperate to prove her innocence: prior to taking a job with Sherman, she had been a burglar! 

 This feels like the tailend of a Bond movie, and the base is even lampshaded as such by Angela. Still, a fun read that just flies. I know I have a fair amount of Jon Sable, Freelance from the cheap bins, and you could probably find some yourself; I think it was a pretty good seller at the time. (EDIT: Hey, I didn't plan this, but I guess it's Mike Grell's birthday! He's done a ton of books I've liked.)

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Back then I don't think you were supposed to refer to a woman as "Queen-Size," yet here we are.

"Chili Special"? What, does that come with cornbread or somethin--oh. The GCD calls this one an annual, but the indica doesn't, so split the difference and call it a "Queen-Size Special" like the cover! From 1971, Chili Special #1, cover by Stan Goldberg. All stories written by Stan Lee, pencils by Stan Goldberg.

Millie also had a Mad About Millie Queen-Size Special, as did My Love; but I don't think Marvel had any female superheroines big enough to get one at the time! Chili is described as "Millie's Red-Headed Rival" on the cover, which feels reductive; but yeah, she was basically the Reggie to Millie's Archie, or maybe the Goofus to her Gallant. This issue has several stories reprinted from Chili's first two issues from 1969, which also were later reprinted again in 1973: they are very much in the style of Archie comics, and the thought may have been, how many of them do you need, before the readers grow out of them and you can just run them again to new kids?

That said, these are kinda fun, as Stan usually writes Chili as 100% that bitch, who most often receives immediate karmic retribution for her misdeeds; as when she thinks Millie is planning a party without her, so she goes around and tells everyone it was cancelled, only to find out it was a surprise party for her birthday. Still, some of the cutdown lines are just brutal: you might not think Stan would've had that in him, but you can see a bit of it in the Spidey/JJJ repartee. (One of my favorites there was Spidey taunting "anybody that pays a dime for your rag of a paper oughta get eleven cents change!") And Millie isn't above serving some back herself!

I don't think I'd read either Millie or Chili before, but you find something like this in the dollar books; you pretty much have to, right? Read more!

I do like how it takes like two pages for Joker and Harley to get into space.

The other Saturday was Batman Day, and even though I'm pretty lapsed, I still sat down with a pile of Bat-stuff: the TMNT crossover was great, the Doom That Came to Gotham is pretty good, Under the Red Hood is one of DC Animated's best and is better than its source material, and I watched the classic "Mad Love" again. But there's a line in Under the Red Hood where Batman admits every day he thinks about killing the Joker, and the Joker immediately responds, "Aw, so you do think about me." And it doesn't entirely feel like just another smartass crack; it does feel like there's something behind that? Of course if he starts seeing other people and forgot their anniversary, well, then I suppose all bets are off. From 2008, Justice League Unlimited #41, "The Anniversary Party" Written by Grace Randolph, art by Dario Brizuela. (There are probably other uses of that title, but it was also a 2001 movie.)

With Batman off in space with the Justice League on their anniversary--presumably when he fell into the vats at Ace Chemicals, which is marked as the 13th of some month--a miffed Joker hijacks a space shuttle. Meanwhile, on the Watchtower satellite, the heroes left on duty were settling in for a movie night when the shuttle crashes in, as the Joker intends to spruce the place up before Batman's return. While the Joker is able to block Zatanna's spells with trick gum, Zat still slugs him one; and Harley Quinn is left trying to outgun the Crimson Avenger, who she doesn't even recognize as a second-stringer. The pair run around causing trouble, with Joker wearing a Bat-cowl for a bit ("This thing is ridiculously hot and heavy! No wonder he's in a bad mood all the time!") before Elongated Man suggests, maybe they had been underestimating Joker and Harley because they didn't have powers or serious weapons. Zatanna later gets the duo with "Stekop ytmpe!" (which, honestly, should be game over for them) and Hawkgirl launches them into the anniversary pie (cake?) they had been preparing, which was full of mousetraps. Knowing he was stuck, the Joker also suddenly realizes, he had been in Batman's room, and all he did was try on his cape? Upon the return of the rest of the team, Joker and Harley are gifted to Batman, wrapped up in an Elongated Man bow.

Harley is furiously jealous, when the Joker describes being chased by "a crazy dame in fishnets," but continuity-wise I thought she had left the Joker before Justice League had started. Based on Hawkgirl's outfit, this story was post-Starcrossed and well into the Unlimited run. Harley had been prone to backslide, though; at least in that continuity: in current DC books, I don't think she's looked back in some time. But, I don't know if the Joker is still written as...stuck? Smitten? Sweet on? Batman, or if that's fallen by the wayside.

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"Riddle."

So, maybe two things brought this strip about: first, an old post about two stoners contemplating lightsaber fights, with one asking why Jedis or Sith don't use the Force to boop! Switch their opponent's lightsaber off mid-fight. Because that would be a dick move, even for a Sith? (Deep, nerdy sigh: I don't think most Force-users are capable of that kind of focus in the middle of a duel; it would be like trying to do complex equations during a fight. That or "keeping your lightsaber from being switched off mid-fight" is like a day one class.) And while prop lightsabers are usually big enough to accommodate batteries, or a plastic blade; in-story aren't they relatively thinner? Whereas in other media, like comics, a legally-distinct-from-a-lightsaber weapon usually looks like a good-sized Maglite. 

Dane's photon sword maybe hasn't been seen in comics for a while--like since he came back from the Ultraverse? So far I don't think there's been any in-story reason for him not to have it, or to have not built another one if he left it in the Ultraverse. My first thought was he probably could, unless it required materials or components he couldn't easily get anymore--stupid chip shortage! I haven't seen an Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe diagram, so for all I know it could take plutonium, vibranium, dilithium, Kryptonite, and crack to build a photon sword. (To the tune of Queens of the Stone Age "Feel Good Hit of the Summer.") We've linked back to OAFE's Black Knight review a couple times, but as they point out, the blade on the Black Knight's photon sword is not removable, nor did Hasbro supply an off version. If you look real close at it, you can see the hilt has a little peg, that the blade fits on; rather than the blade having a peg that plugs into the hilt. Best guess, the plasic of the blade maybe wouldn't have supported a peg, or wouldn't cast properly? 

In-continuity, Dane had "the Sword of Light" and "Shield of Night" for a while: I can picture the Shield, I think one of the earlier Black Knight figures has it. Those were from Merlin, or a Merlin, anyway: it feels like there's a couple different versions of him kicking around the 616, who knows what you'll get? Two different versions appeared in Excalibur; that Merlin was eventually revealed as a manipulative dick and then never seen again, at least in that book. Or, there's the friendly grouch of Iron Man #250: England seems to be actively working against his efforts to save it, but still seems better than current England? I haven't seen the Black Knight's Merlin, he could be one of those or so different he's basically another guy entirely. But, I'm thinking of that seemingly brief stretch, where Captain America had just got his proper vibranium shield back, but still had his replacement photonic shield gizmo: why wouldn't you keep both? That thing can't be too heavy...I could see Cap deciding that keeping it charged was too much of a pain, didn't want to get into a situation where it failed maybe. For Dane, it could be the Ebony Blade exerting some influence: thou shalt have no swords before me. 

Oh, and "the riddle of steel" is almost a Zen koan, and might be if you want it to be; but it's from the Conan the Barbarian movie; and has nothing to do with anything!

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This is a quarter-bin copy, of a book I know I've had since it came out, but hadn't read in years: it was just prior to a big change, although there were signs. That and it's got one of my favorite bits, from a character who has not fared well in the years since. From 1987, Captain America #329, "Movers and Monsters" Written by Mark Gruenwald, breakdowns by Paul Neary, finishes by Vince Colletta. "To Live and Die--Under L.A.!" cover by Mike Zeck! (It's a riff on the 1985 movie To Live and Die in L.A., which to the best of my knowledge doesn't feature literal monsters.)

Following up from plot points in the Thing, this was the second of four issues, with Captain America on the trail of the Power Broker: after a second clash with the super-strong Super-Patriot, Cap had recognized his fighting style as wrestling-trained. Meeting up with the Thing's friend Dennis Dunphy of the Unlimited Class Wrestling Federation, Cap wanted to figure out how the Power Broker gave many of those wrestlers super-strength, and to maybe find something in their files on Super-Patriot, but he had been drugged by Dr. Malus, who tried to kill Cap in the strength-enhancing machine, but was saved by Dennis, in his new identity of "Demolition Man," or D-Man for short. D-Man then offered to make Malus give Cap strength equal to Super-Patriot, but Cap passes...and wonders if he was making the right choice. (Cap seemed somewhat pensive around this stretch, and appeared to be questioning a lot of his calls.) He then questions his decision again, as the goons of the Sweat Shop arrive: the Power Broker's super-strong...moving men? Maybe they had other skills, they all had matching jumpsuits and toolbelts. (The GCD notes, all the goons were named after SCTV actors or characters!)

D-Man had left to pick up lunch, and was dismayed to find trucks in front of the building when he returned. Passing himself off as "Deliveryman," he tests a theory by giving the goon on guard a flick, that would've sent a normal guy flying; and realizes these guys were augmented as well. The Sweat Shop guys seemed to have no fighting training, though: while D-Man kayos the guard, then smashes a truck into the building, Cap was able to avoid them but was having trouble knocking them out. After Cap knocks one off a pipe in the boiler room, the goons decide to work smarter rather than harder, and just put a big lump of machinery in front of the door: "He likes the boiler room so much, he can have have it." Those goons then find D-Man had beat maybe five of them already, but jumped and outnumbered, he gets knocked out. Loading up what they could before the cops show, the Sweat Shop takes D-Man with them.

In the boiler room, Cap was stuck with Malus, and a gas leak: even if the cops showed, Cap wasn't sure they'd be able to hear him or move that machinery, so he was going to have to figure a way out. Finding a hollow-sounding point, Cap smashes his way through a drain covering, so they could escape through the sewers. Malus seems reluctant to do so, eventually admitting he--er, the Power Broker, that is--had dumped the deformed, brain-damaged failures of the augmentation process down there. (I remember an old gaming module recapping this, it wasn't a 100% certainty to get powers!) Meanwhile, across the country at Avengers' Mansion, two familiar-looking feds (Jake and Elwood? Hmm.) get trapped by the security system, but are freed by Miss Captain Marvel. They tell her Cap needed to contact them, on a matter of national security; a phrase still trotted out by the government to do whatever they wanted to do, to this day.

Beaten up some more to keep him down, D-Man is brought before the shadowy Power Broker and unmasked: PB recognizes him, but doesn't want to waste the investment by just killing him. After all, research and development could always "use another expendable." Back in the sewers, the aforementioned augment failures attack, jumping Cap: Malus takes the opportunity to flee, squeezing through a grate they wouldn't be able to follow him though. One waves Cap's shield around, while another tries to strangle him in the sewer waters...to be continued! 

D-Man is legitimately a cool guy and one of Cap's bravest sidekicks, but after a stretch where he had been amnesiac and stuck in the arctic, he was reduced to the default characteristic of "stinky." It didn't help that he got sent to live in the sewers with the Morlocks--actually, that would've improved his street credibility, he was sent to live in the sewers and take care of the Zero People. Although his stench was an admittedly kind of funny joke around Busiek and Perez's Avengers #1, Cap still checks in on him there. Go look at D-Man on the Marvel Database, and just about every plotline or appearance he had after that was just dumping on the guy. I mean, winning a pie-eating contest was a highlight for him. He served in Iraq, was denied as Luke Cage's nanny, was a "Revenger" with Wonder Man, turned into the new Scourge (which technically got him an action figure, even if it's not recognizable as either D-Man or Scourge) and was maybe killed and brought back but is a vampire now. Sigh. Look, if you don't like a character, maybe just don't use him?

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