"Disgusting."

Years before they were banned outright, there was a bar in my college town that went smokeless: this was both a good idea, and bad business. I saw some good bands there, but between sets everyone would go outside to smoke, rather than drink! Even the people that didn't smoke would be out there to socialize. I've never been a smoker, save for a brief stretch dicking around with cigars, that probably weren't as terrible as Howard's: whatever you would consider the cheapest, foulest, rankest cigar on the market, Howard's brand is probably still worse. 

I haven't seen Mamma Mia, although I think I heard a fair amount of Abba as a very young kid? Nor have I ever had ouzo...to the best of my recollection. It does feel like something I might have tried at a party, made a face, then got trashed on something else. 

This one actually took me a bit, because I was trying to find if I had a cowl-down piece that would work for Kurt with his Spider-mask off. You can picture it, right? Wolverine has a bespoke, specific one; I feel like Cap figures might've had one, or the MCU Ghost. Couldn't find one handy in black, though.   .

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I don't think the Damage Control guys could...control my damage, around here; but today we've got the last issue of their third and final original mini-series: from 1991, Damage Control #4, "Cleanliness is Next to Godliness" Written by Dwayne McDuffie, art by Ernie Colón.

Clean-freak DC employee Rex Randolph accidentally handled a cosmic artifact at a clean-up site, which he used to turn himself into Edifice Rex. Galactus has sent the Silver Surfer to earth, to collect some of Damage Control for information: cheery Bart Rozum is having a swell time of it, while account exec John Porter is able stop screaming, eventually. They are taken before the "Cosmic Congress," a name I hope they don't use often; the usual big names like Lord Chaos and Master Order, the In-Betweener, Death and Oblivion, and Eternity and Infinity. All of whom seem to be a little snarky with the puny humans; why do we need to talk to them again? (Because like 99 out of 100 cosmic-doodad-weapons ends up on earth, duh.)

Summoned before the group, after doing Infinity's nails, Edifice Rex enlarges himself to equal status with Eternity and Galactus, to explain himself: the universe was basically one giant mess since the big bang, right? Just spreading like an orange juice spill on a clean countertop. Rex was going to clean it all back up, compress the whole universe back down into the cosmic egg, then maybe put it on a nice shelf or something. This sounds pretty terrible to everyone, except Master Order, who seems up for it. The big cosmic names seem unsure what, if any, action to take: fighting Rex could do more damage to the universe, or as foreman Lenny Ballinger points out, maybe they're just afraid of getting their asses kicked.

Earth's mightiest heroes are gathered (and the Punisher, who had met Damage Control before, because more cosmic events need a really angry guy shooting at them...) but John makes a suggestion to CEO Robin Chapel, who fires Rex. No longer a Damage Control employee, there was no longer any need for him to clean anything up; so that takes the wind out of his sails. And Damage Control gives out a lot of their cards, to the heroes as they leave.

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New reaction image just dropped!

We mentioned (probably more than once!) that the Walt Simonson Superman Special was a speedrun through "Kryptonite Nevermore!" but without I-Ching: I didn't realize it also omits Wonder Woman! Or Diana Prince, I guess. You'll see: from 1971, Superman #241, "The Shape of Fear!" Written by Denny O'Neil, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Murphy Anderson.

Hey, we saw the previous issue a few years back as well! The powerless Superman had just defeated some killers, but instead of inspiring him to go on, he was throwing in the towel. He wanted to live, as an ordinary man, "without the responsibilities...the loneliness...of Superman!" I-Ching doesn't really sugarcoat it for him: that's rough, but the world needs Superman, and copping out would be below rank cowardice. Superman despairingly agrees, and I-Ching performs a ritual that looks like releasing Superman's astral form, to recover his powers from the sand creature that had stolen them. His powers restored, Supes then speeds out to test them, first by flying into space and punching a meteor, then by building a concrete jail at super-speed around a purse-snatcher, in the middle of a rush hour street! He plays it off as "over-enthusiastic," but a couple days later, Diana Prince reads the news to the blind I-Ching, of another super-blunder: Superman had wrecked a water system, while fixing a leaky pipe. (Aside: it wouldn't stick long, but giving the powerless Wonder Woman a 'mentor' doesn't feel right: powers or no, she still had the juice.)

I-Ching asks Clark for a meeting with Superman, who obliges, after dumping a speeder, and his car, on the top of the Empire State Building to teach him a lesson. I-Ching thought, Superman's brain was probably injured in that last powerless fight, and getting his powers back had made the injury permanent. Superman, getting more and more arrogant, disagrees; so I-Ching and Diana have to perform another mystic ritual, to find the sand creature, which I-Ching says is from "the realm of Quarrm" and I'm pretty sure he's just making stuff up at this point. Quarrm, probably not called that by its inhabitants, is described as a land of possibility, and shapeless, unformed beings. The creature had been brought here in the same incident that destroyed the Kryptonite on earth and accidentally absorbed most of Superman's powers; I-Ching hopes it can do so again. Meanwhile, another shapeless entity enters earth, which is doubtless a problem for next month.

The trio break into Morgan Edge's apartment, to summon Clark Kent, and to re-establish the simmering subplot of who was locked in a soundproof room there. Then, things start popping: the other Quarrm entity possesses a giant "Oriental war-demon" statue at a parade in Chinatown and starts rampaging. Superman smashes through a wall at Edge's--I don't know why they had to bring him there, if he was going to show up as Superman, but he's also decided doors and windows weren't good enough for him. To distract him, Diana gives him a kiss on the cheek, which admittedly, would do it; but Superman then sees the creature and flees, which I believe smashes another hole in Edge's apartment! The creature explains, he couldn't just grab Superman: because of their psychic link, to do so would cause a massive explosion, killing them both. That feels like information they could've used earlier...Superman doubles back, trying to outsmart the pursuing creature, but then sees the disturbance in Chinatown, and stops to help, showing he wasn't completely bad yet. But, after saving a kid, Superman's powers conk out and he crashes, to be dragged away by the 'war-demon.' To be continued!

OK, so it feels like a lot of what could charitably be described as "Orientalism," but this issue also features a reprint from 1957's Superman #112, "Superman's Neighbors" (Written by Bill Finger, pencils by Wayne Boring, inks by Stan Kaye.) Taking a rare evening in, Superman still has to pitch in to help out his neighbors, which does include a bit of Super-dickery, as to keep a young girl from wasting her life pining for Superman, he takes her on a date to show her it wouldn't be everything it's cracked up to be. Not like that, you pervs! He takes her to a dance, but keeps ditching her for emergencies. Probably sticks her with the check at dinner, too; but the evening drives her to manage her expectations, as in, settle. There's also a guy watching Clark Kent, but not for the reasons you'd expect--again, not like that!  A slight bit of fun, but a far cry from the 'modern' take O'Neil was trying to bring the book to. Read more!

If DC Direct was still in-house, I feel like this absolutely would've got a figure already.

Mildly surprised McFarlane hasn't hit that one, actually. But, I was a little sick the other day, so I had time to finally read this one: from 2024, Superman: Lost, reprinting 2023's Superman: Lost #1-10, written by Christopher Priest, art by Carlo Pagulayan, Lee Weeks, Dan Jurgens, Will Conrad, Jose Luis, and more. 

While Lois investigates a Congressional scandal, Superman joins the Justice League for what seems like an ordinary mission. Later, back home, Superman seems incredibly out of it, and also doesn't seem to be breathing regularly. Bruce Wayne shows up, with bad news for Lois, but he seems just as surprised to see Superman there; Lois tears into him, "what did you do?" But this wasn't on Batman: the Chinese government had been trying to salvage the drive from a crashed spaceship, but caused an implosion that could've destroyed the earth: Superman sacrifices himself to stop it, and is thrown something like 14 thousand or so light-years into space. Still in shock, Superman tells them, it had taken him twenty years to get back...!

On earth, the series alternates between Clark's pronounced PTSD, and Lois's probably ill-advised attempt to bring him out of it by going to Lex Luthor. Lex's 'help' involves giving Lois cancer: he figures, she would tell Superman, Superman would attack him, and Lex would kill him, but at least he wouldn't be all weird and mopey anymore, right? Lex did not take into account the idea that Lois might not tell him, instead passing her nausea off as a pregnancy! We also see Superman's space travel, which covered vast distances but didn't really get anywhere: with no points of reference, he's mostly stuck on a distant world--that doesn't seem to have a name, so Supes calls it 'Kansas'--inhabited by a culture Priest describes as libertarian at one point. It's sort of a democracy, but also cliquish: the general consensus seems to be, if people are dumb enough to vote to be idiots, it's not anyone else's responsibility to save them. In the same vein, so what if the sun's going to explode? That might not happen tomorrow, or in my lifetime, why do anything? Oh, and Superman couldn't get full power in the sun there, blocked by a nebula; the whole thing seems virtually designed to frustrate him. Even the arrival of a Green Lantern doesn't help much, as the ring wearer, Hope, had no idea what that was...in more ways than one. 

This kind of series was usually 12 issues, right? I almost feel like it could've used the extra two, even if there's some What If Elseworlds-like sidebars towards the end that don't add a ton. Likewise, Superman goes to therapy, which he probably needed after this, but he also borrows Supergirl's therapist and her appointment! (Clark is also, somewhat rightly, hard on himself for not understanding what Kara had been going through or supporting her enough.) The therapist later asks, how much does Superman hate Lex, which Supes tries to brush off; but there are several short fantasies of Superman murdering Lex in various ways: those might actually be Lex's annihilation fantasies. After all, if Superman killed him, he would be proven right, which is really all Lex ever wanted. 

Lois also has a conversation with Wonder Woman, that seems full of jealousy and resentment, that I had thought Lois had got out of her system long ago. Similarly, every time Bruce shows up it's with bad news, and Lois is taking none of his crap. 

 I got this at a buy two/get one free at EntertainMart: they haven't come through for me as often as the dearly departed Hastings, but here and there. Recommended!

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Again, feel like this is a reference to something, but can't quite place it.

We just picked up a random issue of this one, but the variant cover wasn't in the GCD, so maybe it was meant to be! From 2024, Army of Darkness: Forever #5, written by Tony Fleecs, art by Justin Greenwood. Variant cover by Arthur Suydam.

The premise for this mini-series is kind of a continuity patch: the theatrical and the director's cut of Army of Darkness have different endings. So, which is right? What if...they both happened? Sure, except the Ash in the more-fun S-Mart ending, was actually the returned Evil Ash, who has gone on to murder most of his co-workers. That'll suck the fun out of things; and Evil Ash allows himself to be arrested for the murder of Joxer uh, Theodore 'Ted' Howard; which is sure to bite Ash in the ass later.

Meanwhile, stuck in a wasteland apocalypse future, Ash has been collecting pages of the Necronomicon from evil robots, with the help of some little robot soldiers and the ghost of the Wise Man. Who Ash pretty much hates at this point, since he had "moved the goal posts" numerous times already, but now he had to return to the cabin in the woods: the Wise Man points out, if it makes him feel any better, there was neither woods nor cabin now; just the remnants of a cellar and a certain angry hand. Sadly, Ash loses his little robots here, as they get turned, like just about everybody else he ever meets.

Also meanwhile, in 1300 AD, Evil Ash--possibly not even the same one as in 1993!--was getting tired of the souls of peasants, and wanted someone with a bit more fire. He meant his queen, Sheila; who was still fighting the Deadites, but it may be down to just her: the Wise Man had been taken, and now Arthur was a Deadite as well! To be continued... 

I feel like I have Forever on digital, although I did buy a few issues, in particular lucky number #13, which was a jam issue send-off: I had thought that was going to be the end of Ash's long licensing run at Dynamite, since 2004: searching their website, 723 related items for Army of Darkness. But, he would return yet again, for Archie x the Army of Darkness! If his series had been numbered properly, Ash would be well over 100 issues in, and much more if the crossovers were included.

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"Unstable."

Kaine has face-melting powers--his wall-crawling abilities have expanded a bit; but he doesn't use web-shooters? Even as the Scarlet Spider? I suspect he does that to set himself apart from other Spider-Men; but he could if he wanted to. I also figure Kaine, like Ben, is probably more financially secure than Peter, if only because they aren't above taking shady money if they find it. Read more!

I feel like there were better issues of this series; darned if I've blogged any, though.

There's a stretch of the series, starting maybe around #20, with Jackson 'Butch' Guice covers, that are sharp and will really get your hopes up, since I don't think they were great issues either. Maybe a Butch cover would've helped here, but maybe not. From 1992, Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. #37, "Who Killed the Changelings?" Written by Scott Lobdell, pencils by M.C. Wyman, inks by Don Hudson.

I thought this was maybe a fill-in, but it's basically killing time before next issue started "The Cold War of Nick Fury", which we've discussed before: oddly, Lobdell had written a few issues of this, would be out for a second, then back in. Fury is taking new Super-Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Psi-Borg to check out the Changelings, only to find they've all been murdered except for Woodgod. (Who we've also seen before here, I had to update the tag for him!) We see one die: the blue one with the fin on his head, and hey, wasn't he a centaur back in Incredible Hulk #252? Looked like he had people legs there.

The government forces of Trinity Base, had apparently had budget cuts and decided to phase out their animal-man monstrosity studies; and since Nick wasn't currently director of S.H.I.E.L.D. they don't recognize his authority. Fury tries to keep Woodgod from murdering the murderers; probably less out of any moral compunction, than the fear of political blowback on Woodgod. Fury 'kills' Woodgod, and with new director Dum Dum Dugan, swears to shut Trinity Base and its shifty commanders down. Then, Fury takes Woodgod out to the woods and lets him go: Fury knew he was smarter than anyone would've thought, and figured he'd get it together someday. Yeah, all his friends dead and alone in the woods? He'll be fine.

But, for good measure, "The Cold War of Nick Fury" starts here, with a prologue! (Written by Eliot Brown and Bob Sharp, pencils by M.C. Wyman, inks by Don Hudson.) Wrapping up a session in the gym, Fury gets a flash message, to go to Washington D.C. and debrief about O.S.S. and C.I.A. missions, which were years prior. Nick blows it off, not just because he doesn't think it's important, but the Amazing Colossal Man was on cable tonight! The MST3K version premiered just a year prior; there's a not-zero chance Fury was going to watch that! Unfortunately, he gets stopped by government agents, who had the foresight to clear several guns out of Nick's car first. No movie tonight... Read more!