80-Page Thursdays: House of Mystery #255!

I wasn't sure I had enough Thursdays left in October for another one, but also wasn't sure I had another one; but in the same pile, sure enough! From 1977, House of Mystery #255. Cover by Bernie Wrightson.

Another framing sequence in this one, as the House is crashed by first a gaggle of "Hollywood" monsters, then reporter Harvey H. Harvey. Despite being ready for bed, Cain is forced to entertain them, opening with "Small Wonder." In 1915, just before Christmas, young Danny is sent to the state orphanage, which is of course run by the cheapest bastard available at the time. Still, Danny was able to change things, magically creating a tree, coal, and toys for the other kids. (Coal doesn't sound great, but it was cold! And he brings all three? Suck on that, Santa!) The orphanage director, Denning, then kills the accountant to keep the secret; and tries winning Danny over as a friend. Which works, and Denning is able to convince the gullible kid into making money for him. Still, after he tries to keep another witness quiet the cops are on him, and Denning runs to Danny to hide him, which he does, by swiping from "It's a Good Life" turning Denning into a jack-in-the-box. That hides him from the cops, but like we said, it was cold: another child had burned some wooden soldiers and a jack-in-the-box to stay warm, since he has assumed Danny could make more, right? Um...(Framing sequence written by Paul Kupperberg, pencils by Ric Estrada, inks by Wayne Howard; "Small Wonder" Written by Jack Oleck, pencils by Ernie Chan, inks by Vince Colletta.)

"The Evil Half" is another deal-with-the-devil number, although it's visually interesting, as the devil appears as Flo, a flapper girl, to tempt suicidal bookkeeper Homer with power and money and dames. Honestly, any one of them probably would've done for him. (Written by Jack Oleck, art by Rubeny.)

Then, "Sometimes Leopards Can..." with story and art by Gray Morrow: animal tamer Erik Braden is on top of his game and the world, but was constantly pushing to stay that way, struggling to find new animals for his act. In Africa, he's stricken by the dancer Fera, and tries to buy out her contract...or her, if it came to that. Fera's manager reveals, she was actually a were-leopard, kept in check by the silver choker she wore; and he gives Erik the key; which is of course like giving him rope. Erik was mean to the animals, then jealous when they responded better to Fera; so he decides to unlock her choker: taming a were-leopard would be a great act, unless of course you got bit and turned into one yourself.

Next, a visit to Abel at the House of Secrets: unsure if he's speaking to the readers, an "imaginary friend," or no one; Abel opts to get a public relations guy for the HoS, and calls DC's own Mike Gold! Who doesn't have time for Abel's numbskullery, but maybe still helps. ("Is Anyone Listening?" Written by Jack C. Harris, pencils by Ric Estrada, inks by Wayne Howard.)

"When You Wish Upon a Star" is the cover story: the GCD notes, it was an older piece by Wrightson, and the story written later to tie into it. A somewhat incompetent witch has some skills and a helpful cat familiar, but can't conjure herself up a guy: her last attempt brings an unappealing creature from space, but he might have been incompetent himself! (Based on the Wrightson cover, written by Cary Burkett, art by Frank Redondo.)

"Bed of Roses" finds a young girl, Lila, rich after her parents' deaths, pursued by a small town reporter; who's using her for her money. After the reporter seems to get what he wants and disappears with a nightclub girl, Lila is seemingly left with only flowers to remind her, but on her deathbed confesses there was something more...(Written by Robert Kanigher, art by Alex Nino.) "The Killing" follows hack magician and gambler Mason the Magnificent, who accidentally kills his boss after he gets fired for missing too many shows, then flees into the jungle. Eventually collapsing, Mason is taken in by an unknown tribe, with a strange god, and ample gold jewelry; but while they know poker, they won't let him in the game, since his money was literally no good there. Mason uses his tricks, to finally convince the tribe he should be allowed to join, and the tribe leader lets him; although if you've ever read any of these you know Mason is just digging his own grave. (Written by Jack Oleck, art by Bill Draut.) 

 After the one-pager "The Victim," Cain still hasn't gotten anyone to leave, and opts to vacate for the graveyard, to see if he could get a good night's sleep there.

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"Better."

The sword wouldn't usually make the swordsman, unless maybe you've got Excalibur. Now I'm mildly curious where Kurt gets his swords in regular continuity. He probably has a guy that spends months and hand-crafts them to an exacting standard; then Kurt shows up again twenty minutes later for another one 'cause he broke it on a Sentinel head or something. 

"Khlav Kalash" is of course from "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson," a classic. And the Khlav Kalash guy has appeared a few times and seems to be doing well for himself. I'm not usually adventurous enough, or maybe I don't get out enough, to sample fare like that; although I suspect Magik maybe isn't a picky eater. 

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We don't have a bunch of them this year, but I did luck into one over the weekend: from 1973, the Twilight Zone #53. Cover by George Wilson.

Is historical accuracy important to you? If you answered yes, you're still a poser to "The Expert." John Phipps was a historical consultant, who hired out to movies and TV shows, to neg them about inaccuracies. While he's technically correct, as when he points out ancient Romans wouldn't have had access to pineapples; John is also a pedantic know-it-all. Until he goes on vacation in England, and visiting a castle, is treated with a quick visit to the past. At first thinking they were just actors, he critiques them on their clothes, the decor, and their dance steps; before realizing this was how it really was, regardless of what he 'knew.' Returned to the future, John has learned a lesson and is cooler and a lot more chill, which I worry is going to get him fired. "Did medieval knights wear sunglasses?...eh, historical records are spotty at best on the subject, so why not?" (A rare writer's credit, from the GCD: written by Paul S. Newman, pencils by Adolfo Buylla.)

I swear I haven't been looking for these, but it feels like voodoo has come up on the blog a lot this year? Here's another problematic one, with more problems: "Who's Afraid of the Ju-Ju Man?" After losing at poker, a farmer is coerced into selling his best 'field hand,' Dr. Sam. (Slave. They mean slave.) Bigger plantation owner Clay gets a bit wild-eyed talking about Dr. Sam, who was well-respected by all, possibly because he was a witch doctor: Clay felt he needed to be taken down, to show the others their place. The farmer's wife tries to warn Dr. Sam, who had been making a house call on a local child, and diagnosed appendicitis. (He wasn't going to perform the surgery, saying "only a white doctor's knife" could save the kid...ugh.) Dr. Sam refuses to run, since he knew Clay would take it out on other slaves, but tells them Clay would destroy himself. Clay tries to lay down the law, first by telling him no more 'doctor' talk, then that he had to deny having any special powers. Having special powers, Dr. Sam refuses to lie, and is locked in a wardrobe for days, but still refuses to break. Dying, Dr. Sam curses Clay, with the most powerful curse of all, to become what he hates most...and Clay's color changes, to that of a black man. Clay then spends the rest of his days, as "just another field hand...a prisoner not of stone or steel--but of my own skin!" The farmer and his wife still see Clay as a white man, but think he cracked when Dr. Sam died. Does that mean you should keep letting him work as a slave? I suppose they aren't making him work, exactly; just letting him think he has to...Well, they already owned slaves, so I guess no point splitting hairs on the moral high ground there. (Art by Luis Dominguez.)

The cover feature, "The Isle of the Dead" follows two reporters, visiting said isle near Venice, on All Hallows' Eve. They're looking for proof of the supernatural, and of course get more than they bargained for, as the dead rise up...to dance. (No credits for this one?)

Finally, in "Those Good Ol' Days," (art by Jack Abel) a record shop owner possibly hurts the feelings of his best customer, Herbie, who dressed like a 33-year-old greaser. (So, a typical greaser, then.) Herbie was still living like it was his personal golden age, 1957; but then buys a batch of "Vermillion grooming oil" from a peddler, that had maybe expired, transporting him back to his teenage years. (I had to look up if that was a real product, so far I don't think so!) Herbie quickly discovers, oh yeah, 1957 sucked ass, as he's harassed by his folks, the cops, and the gangs. Returning to the present, Herbie grows up, starting by unloading his record collection, cheap. Forty years later, he sees an article about what those records would be worth now, and immediately dies. OK, I made that last bit up, but still consider it canon...in the Twilight Zone. Read more!

I knew this had an adaptation, but I wouldn't have believed you if you had told me it ran so long.

My Youngest son has been on a David Cronenberg kick: he'd just watched Videodrome, although now I think I need to ask him if he recognized video tapes. Or Debbie Harry. I keep telling him he'll like eXistenz, but he had also just watched Nightbreed, which features Cronenberg as serial killer Dr. Philip K. Decker. In fact, the serial killer angle might have been played up in that movie's ad campaign: marketing maybe tried to push it as a slasher, which it wasn't, really. Back in 1990, I remember some ads in DC's higher-end titles for the film, with detailed portraits of some of the monstrous Night Breed; but Marvel/Epic would get an adaptation of the film. Then, like Star Wars before it, that series went on to original stories, starting here: from 1990, Clive Barker's Night Breed #5, "The Blasphemers - Prelude: Scattering Seeds of Damnation" Written by Dan Chichester, pencils by Jackson "Butch" Guice, painted colors by Alfred Ramirez.

Picking up where the movie ended, after the destruction of the Nightbreed's refuge Midian, several of the 'Breed were re-entering the world: a world that hated and feared them as monsters, although sometimes not without reason. Six of them rob a nearby gas station, but leave the attendant to round up a small posse to go after them. One, Aello, stays behind to slow down pursuit, by seducing one of the pursuers. That leaves their leader, Mulciber, free to argue with the bland-looking Oral: Oral was struggling to abide by the commandments of their god Baphomet, which maybe involved not killing and eating people. Mulciber argues, it was natural...and tasty. (Aello kills hers, by flying him up and dropping him: she had large angel wings, unusual eyes and eyebrows, and a spectacular rack. Her victim probably only noticed one of those things...) Mulciber gives Oral some rocks; setting up a great scare on the next page! I don't want to spoil it more than that.

Meanwhile, another Nightbreed girl was travelling with a piece of Baphomet, who blows a farmer's mind with a quick recap of their history. And the Nightbreed's possible savior, Aaron 'Cabal' Boone, and his crew take down a drug dealer; to shake him down for one of their own, that didn't go to Midian but had remained in the 'natural' world...

I had seen the movie again fairly recently, and while Cronenberg quite sells his role, it still wasn't really a slasher movie. It's maybe more about finding the people that are like yourself, even if you sometimes even find them disturbing. There's also the notion, can you deny what you really are, even if society doesn't approve? Also, I got seven issues of this over the weekend; and I wouldn't have been surprised if you told me it only ran seven issues: nope! It ran for 25, although that synopsis of the last issue makes it seem like the Nightbreed would find their new Midian, probably the one place you would expect if you've read a fair amount of X-Men comics. Read more!

Aw, of course the one time I find one of these...

...the regular artist's out that month! Well, we'll still take a quick look at this one: from 1992, the Fly #14, "Games Evil Plays" Written by Len Strazewski, pencils by Al Bigley, inks by Pablo Marcos. Cover by Mike Parobeck!

Have I not blogged any Impact Comics before? This was DC's first attempt at relaunching the Archie Comics/Red Circle superheroes, like the Comet and the Shield. I know I read the Comet at the time, since I was following artist Tom Lyle from Starman; but I should've been buying the Fly, which featured art by the great Mike Parobeck! Still, guest-artist Bigley does a good job with his character designs this issue.

This issue, the Fly has to (lamely) explain to his police contact his role in the brief disappearance of local teen Jason Troy, who of course was the Fly! Then, a fight with avid bowler and sportswoman Domino--altogether now, 'not that one,' although it would be hilarious to see Neena in this one's costume, which seems direct from Batman '66. She had a domino calling-card, to set up a fight in a bowling alley, but has billiard balls all over her outfit; kind of feels like she's all over the place. She puts the Fly through some Arcade-style traps at the bowling alley, then bails; but one of Jason's classmates may be getting too close to her...or trying, anyway; you know what high school guys are like. Domino could've been a mass-murderer that kicked puppies, but in that outfit... Read more!

80-Page Thursday: House of Mystery #259!

No cover scan this time, this copy only has a smidge barely hanging on! From 1978, House of Mystery #259. Cover by Joe Orlando and Dick Giordano.

This time, the framing sequence is fairy queen Stardust, who has crashed in front of the House; but will die without belief to sustain her. Abel believes in her, and surprisingly, so does Cain, who opens with "The Miracle at San Sebastian." (A real place I suspect drawn with no reference! I almost think the town and mission were taken from an episode of Have Gun, Will Travel.) The town is being sucked dry by a vampire, and the local priest laments, even as he's able to save a little girl, that he was too old and frail to stop the monster. He might have a little help coming, though. (Framing sequence written by Paul Kupperberg, pencils by Ric Estrada, inks by Romeo Tanghal; "The Miracle at San Sebastian" Written by Roger McKenzie, art by Noly Panaligan.)

Next, another voodoo number, "Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!" These probably aren't especially culturally sensitive, but this one at least has art from the great Michael Golden! (Story by David Manak and David Michelinie.) A murderous treasure hunter tries to use a young boy, to extort the treasure from his grandma, a voodoo witch. (No prizes for guessing it doesn't go great!) Then, a somewhat rare sci-fi number, "Return to Camelot Seven," in which two space cops visit said planet, only to find the human colony destroyed, and the local natives on the warpath. Still, the natives had been in the right, as the humans had been infected--literally--with greed, for the native's local metal. (Written by Steve Clement, pencils by Don Newton, inks by Bob Layton.)

"Do You Believe In..." finds a Victorian mugger, dismayed that his young daughter spent too much time listening to a kindly couple's fairy tales, when she could be earning her keep. Yeah, she was probably like six! Lazy freeloader...of course, he'll get his, sure enough. (Written by Greg Potter, art by John Fuller.) Abel then gets to tell some stories, starting with "Never Steal from a Blind Man." (Story idea by Michael Pell, script by Maxene Fabe, art by Flor Dery.) After nearly getting nicked, mugger Nicky Pardon considers changing his ways, but doesn't want to give up the fun, so he decides to limit his robberies to the blind. Less eyewitnesses; but again, he'll get his.

"Fire Sale" finds a nightclub owner planning arson, not only to cash in on the insurance money, but also to get the secrets of magic out of the Incredible Santini: the owner believed, at least some of Santini's act was legit magic. The fire kills about forty people, which I feel like would cut into any insurance payout; but the owner drags Santini away and ties him up, to get the secrets of his power, and to make a deal with the devil...(Written by Bob Toomey, art by George Ruppert and Frank Chiaramonte.) Then, in "Vampiress of Central Park," Lady Zarko takes a nighttime stroll in Central Park, looking for a drink: she is of course the titular vampiress, and drains the first mugger to cross her, although he then returns as a vampire himself, more quickly than expected. With his gang, the new vampire then tries to take Zarko, but they had forgotten vampires' other powers...and weaknesses. (Written by Don Glut, pencils by Juan Ortiz, inks by Vince Colletta.)

Finally, a young chump blows his savings at cards, when he misses drawing the "Jack of Diamonds." His wife is disappointed, but understanding; which probably just makes him feel worse, which leaves him open to a deal with the devil. The chump is not up on the legalese in the contract, but the devil explains the main clause: for the rest of the night, he would win at gambling without fail, but tomorrow would forfeit his soul. Sure enough, he then cleans up, but the devil returns for his soul in the morning. Luckily, his wife was able to parse out the conditions of the contract, and points out a contradiction: if he wins without fail, technically that wasn't 'gambling,' so...The devil concedes, rather graciously, y'ask me; while the chump promises to never gamble again. He looks real dumb, though; I'm not sure even that took. (Written by Bob Toomey, art by Rubeny.)

The framing sequence ends with Stardust rescued, of course. House of Mystery was an 80-page Dollar Comic from #251 to this issue: #251 had a Neal Adams cover I remember from a house ad, as moderately terrifying, since it was barely a glimpse! I thought I had grabbed that sometime, but so far we've seen #253 last week, and #256 a few years back. Read more!

"Measure."

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