"Patrol."

I think a lot of places sell 1/12 Fed Ex boxes, but I'm not sure they come out much better than printing them yourself! 

Also, I'm not sure I've seen Forge post-Krakoa? I suppose like Kurt, I hope putting something like that together would be fun for him, not a hassle: "...build you web-shooters? How the hell would I even begin to do tha--unless...yes. Yes. They'll be ready Tuesday." And, do you recognize Kurt's web-shooters? I had multiples of those!

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I've been reading Howard Chaykin all week; I see innuendo everywhere, but this seems a little blatent.

Also, I'm trying to decide if I trust the internet to tell me if tarantulas are poisonous or not, since it didn't immediately get pedantic about 'poisonous' vs. 'venomous.' From 1983, Jonah Hex #72, "Tarantula!" Written by Michael Fleisher, pencils by Dick Ayers, inks by Tony DeZuniga.

Double-crosses and treecks--er, tricks--galore this month, as bandit chief El Papagayo (and his parrot!) have taken Emmylou hostage, to force Jonah Hex to steal a priceless necklace on loan from the Spanish government. This has seemingly failed, as Jonah, disguised as El Papagayo, managed to steal the necklace but gets gunned down before escaping. The body is laid almost in state for a day, for the locals to gawk at, including two who report back to El Papagayo. While Emmy takes it pretty hard, El Papagayo sees opportunity: the federales would certainly let down their guard, thinking he was dead, so he should be able to steal the necklace on its way home easily.

But, later the two snitches get the bright idea to dig up Jonah's corpse, and help themselves to his guns; only to find the coffin full of rocks! Jonah swings out of a tree to knock those guys out: he had set up this plan with the Mexican government to bring in Papagayo and save Emmy, but yet another snitch tattles; so later Papagayo is prepared, with Emmy wrapped up like a burrito to hold over Jonah's head. He clonks the commander over the head, to give Papagayo the necklace; for his trouble he and Emmy are both thrown into a dry well and a basket of tarantulas dumped on them! Jonah talks Emmy through cutting her ropes on his spurs: tarantula bites "hurt like the dickens!" but only bite in self-defense, so if they don't wiggle around too much, they'll be fine. Emmy does well, although she does faint after freeing Jonah, and he has to climb out of the well with her over his shoulder.

In the last two pages, Jonah sneaks into Papagayo's camp at night, pistol-whips him, and lugs him back to jail. Where he somehow still had his parrot? I wouldn't put it past Jonah to have pistol-whipped it, too. Read more!

This will be new to me, sort of.

Despite having it playing in the background on streaming, or reruns from antenna TV, or both; I still bought Star Trek: the Original Series on DVD a couple months back. I should've sprung for the Blu-Rays, so I could get the orignal cuts, before digital effects were added. Granted, pick the right episode, and you'll see like 90% of the original Enterprise shots, but still. Similarly, next year's the 50th anniversary of the original Star Wars, and fans would love to be able to get a proper release of the non-Special Edition versions. (Or, you can see if this link still works!) I mention that, because I'm used to the special edition of this one; I'm not sure I've ever read it in the original format! From 1983, American Flagg! #1, "Hard Times, part one" Story and art by Howard Chaykin, letters by Ken Bruzenak, colors by Lynn Varley.

I've mentioned before, I've read this a million times, in the Hard Times graphic novel, collecting the first three issues of the series. The collection also features a bit more preamble, set as a news documentary playing while Reuben's flight was coming into Chicago. So, it was interesting to see this as an actual comic book, on surprisingly old-school paper; because back in the day, this was like a hand grenade shoved up a bull's ass on his way into the china shop. Longtime comics readers might remember a DC Comics house ad, hyping up their four spots on Amazing Heroes top ten books of 1984: DC had four spots, but upstart First Comics had #2 and #3, Mike Grell's Jon Sable, and American Flagg! Both were hits, from seasoned creators given more free rein than they would've got at Marvel or DC at the time (maybe ever) and both series had pretty solid runs until their creators got tired or bored and maybe didn't do all the work themselves anymore...but, we're getting ahead of ourselves.

American Flagg!--and Chaykin as well, I suppose--are largely known for being stylish, and smutty; possibly in equal measure. Which might not be entirely accurate, but this is a remarkably well lived-in vision of dystopia right out of the gate. Set in 2031, an idealistic, and fired, young actor named Reuben Flagg is shipped from Mars back to earth, for a term of duty in the Plexus Rangers. Flagg admits, his show Mark Thrust, Sexus Ranger was still on, but he had been cancelled; replaced by digital scanning technology called 'Tromplography,' one of multiple clever brand names Chaykin salts the book with. He's pressed into service right away, as it was time for the traditional Saturday night gang rampage; just like every week, after Bob Violence was over. (No points for seeing TV as the opiate of the masses, although he also sees actual drugs as said opiate, but even Chaykin couldn't predict streaming; all these programs were broadcast and apparently largely watched as they aired!)

Despite a, ahem, warm welcome from the local madame; Reuben soon finds out his boss Krieger is an asshole, and Chicago was packed full of armed gangs that wiled away the days by shooting at each other: the Plex not only supplied them with weapons, but taped their battles, for broadcast elsewhere. What the Plex actually is isn't clear at this point; it's like your local broadcaster also ran the cops, but it quickly becomes apparent that Reuben's job was going to be equal parts drudgery and ultraviolence; until next Saturday, when he happens to pass a TV with Bob Violence, and realizes the show was packed with subliminal, triggering messages. Krieger can't see them, and tells him to drop it; but talking cat Raul confides to Reuben, he sees them too. (Why Raul can talk isn't explained right away, except with Reuben just acknowledging it with "Talking cat. Right." I'm not positive it's ever explained, or that it needs to be.) Reuben, already fed up with how things were, throws down with a gang member he had previously bribed to "shoot high," knocking him out with a pair of electric 'buzz-knucks.'

When Krieger refuses to have Bob Violence pre-empted, his daughter Mandy helps Reuben, with a hasty-created signal jammer. (So far, it's unclear if Mandy likes Reuben, or just hates her dad; could be both!) Furious, Krieger gets strapped, figuring the gangs would go extra-nutso, without their favorite show...to be continued! I didn't really read American Flagg! in it's heyday, since it wasn't sold in newsstands--or grocery or convenience stores, where I would've been getting comics at the time! Also, maybe they wouldn't have sold it to a twelve-year old, although suggestive, this wasn't as far as Chaykin would go later. (Two words: Black Kiss.) But after Hard Times, the next issue of the series I read was randomly picking up AF! #33, which didn't feature Chaykin at all! Much later, I know I did get a few issues of the revival Howard Chaykin's American Flagg! but just recently I grabbed about half the first series from the dollar bins. Which might get us about to where Chaykin starts to leave the book, we'll see how they go! Read more!

This issue, Batman vs. Foulmouth.

If I find a $7.99 book in the dollar bin, I kinda have to buy it, right? And I bought a few of this series! Did I buy enough to read a whole serial...well, that remains to be seen. From 2023, Batman: the Brave and the Bold #1. Cover by Simone Di Meo.

When is a team-up book not a team-up book? When it's an anthology title like this one, I guess. The opener was...sigh...yet another Batman "Year One" story, with Batman seemingly reeeeeeally considering letting a rather potty-mouthed wife-murderer get run over by a train; while a lost little girl is kept company in the rain...by the Joker. The Joker doesn't get word balloons in this one, but instead his speech is conveyed through silent movie-style dialogue cards. Which, kind of feels pretentious? And eats up like a splash page and 18 separate panels? I'm a little down on writer Tom King of late, so I might be too hard on him; but the Mitch Gerads art and in particular the Clayton Cowles lettering are on point; and it is a suitably gloomy start. (I don't know which designed the intertitles, though.) I also wonder, is there a database somewhere of "Year One" stories? Every year feels like twelve lately, maybe seeing that would put things in perspective. Or not. (Per the GCD, this is a retelling of the first Joker story, from Batman #1.) 

 Next, is it still a Stormwatch if they only have like two Stormwatch guys? Also, it's mentioned they would be less focused on extraterrestrial threats and more so on domestic ones; which differentiates them from the Suicide Squad how? I'm not sure anybody wants to be there. I guess they're in a satellite rather than a prison...New director Mr. Bones takes over, although holdovers Winter and Flint are still there, as the team's "Weatherman" and field leader, respectively. Most of the rest of the team appeared to be either disposable like Peacekeeper-01 (not the guy with the helmet!) or Phantom-1, or long-time characters that didn't seem to have a home now, like Ravager and Shado. The team is deployed to recover an evil scientist, which it does, barely, after a time-acceleration field nearly destroys Iron Heights. And Mr. Bones gets a call from his bosses, who threaten to terminate all of them if they don't work out...("Down with the Kings, part 1" Written by Ed Brisson, art by Jeff Spokes.)

Then, I was surprised to find a Superman story! A full Superman story, for that matter; I remember when Action Comics Weekly used to have the 2-page strips. I don't remember if super-memory is still a power, though? I feel like sometimes, maybe in later stories, but Clark doesn't maybe have super-recall over his entire life: he can't recollect the name of a childhood sweetheart from camp, but later receives a decoder ring like he had as a kid, with a note: "Save me!" Also, this was tied to then-current continuity, with Lois as acting chief of the Daily Planet; she admits to Clark that readership numbers were dire. ("Order of the Black Lamp, part 1" Written by Christopher Cantwell, art by Javier Rodriguez.)

Finally, and almost worth the full price of admission: Dan Mora does a little one-off, that is very much Batman Kamen Rider. Nothing wrong with that! ("Heroes of Tomorrow" Story and art by Dan Mora.)

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I haven't paid for Disney+ for a while, but I have all of Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes on DVD: I didn't have all of the comic series, though! From 2013, Marvel Universe Avengers Earth's Mightiest Heroes #15, adapting "Acts of Vengeance" Written by Michael Ryan, adapted by Joe Caramagna. Cover by Chris Jones.

You might notice, no artist credits there, since the art was taken directly from the show! While it works pretty well, it also feels like a weird throwback, to Marvel's old movie adaptations. But, do you really need to adapt something that's available on-demand? (If you pay for the service, of course.) Despite the title, this isn't related to the classic crossover: instead, several members of Baron Zemo's Masters of Evil have been picked off, forcing him to go to the Avengers for help, since he thought only Thor would be able to save him from the Enchantress. He explains that she was still mad over not being able to destroy the earth with the Norn Stones, and thought Zemo still had the last one, which he of course denies. In his requests, Zemo always addresses them pointedly to Captain America, the only Avenger he felt he could trust...although, while it's not referenced here directly, at this point in the series, that trust is misplaced! (It's not a spoiler if you saw the last episode of the first season, "A Day Unlike Any Other.")

The B-plot was the long-awaited face-turn for Wonder Man, who sacrifices himself to destroy the last Norn Stone, after Zemo's inevitable betrayal. He had been touched that Tony had been working on a cure for his ionic condition, and Tony regrets being unable to help him better control it. Still, Black Panther says, today he proved he could have been an Avenger, all along.

Absolutely loved that show, and still do; but we've seen other issues with new stories, which I would prefer. This series switched over to adaptations with #13 and would run that way until #18, which I have in a digest: it adapts "Michael Korvac" and it's a good one. Read more!

"Disgusting."

Years before they were banned outright, there was a bar in my college town that went smokeless: this was both a good idea, and bad business. I saw some good bands there, but between sets everyone would go outside to smoke, rather than drink! Even the people that didn't smoke would be out there to socialize. I've never been a smoker, save for a brief stretch dicking around with cigars, that probably weren't as terrible as Howard's: whatever you would consider the cheapest, foulest, rankest cigar on the market, Howard's brand is probably still worse. 

I haven't seen Mamma Mia, although I think I heard a fair amount of Abba as a very young kid? Nor have I ever had ouzo...to the best of my recollection. It does feel like something I might have tried at a party, made a face, then got trashed on something else. 

This one actually took me a bit, because I was trying to find if I had a cowl-down piece that would work for Kurt with his Spider-mask off. You can picture it, right? Wolverine has a bespoke, specific one; I feel like Cap figures might've had one, or the MCU Ghost. Couldn't find one handy in black, though.   .

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I don't think the Damage Control guys could...control my damage, around here; but today we've got the last issue of their third and final original mini-series: from 1991, Damage Control #4, "Cleanliness is Next to Godliness" Written by Dwayne McDuffie, art by Ernie Colón.

Clean-freak DC employee Rex Randolph accidentally handled a cosmic artifact at a clean-up site, which he used to turn himself into Edifice Rex. Galactus has sent the Silver Surfer to earth, to collect some of Damage Control for information: cheery Bart Rozum is having a swell time of it, while account exec John Porter is able stop screaming, eventually. They are taken before the "Cosmic Congress," a name I hope they don't use often; the usual big names like Lord Chaos and Master Order, the In-Betweener, Death and Oblivion, and Eternity and Infinity. All of whom seem to be a little snarky with the puny humans; why do we need to talk to them again? (Because like 99 out of 100 cosmic-doodad-weapons ends up on earth, duh.)

Summoned before the group, after doing Infinity's nails, Edifice Rex enlarges himself to equal status with Eternity and Galactus, to explain himself: the universe was basically one giant mess since the big bang, right? Just spreading like an orange juice spill on a clean countertop. Rex was going to clean it all back up, compress the whole universe back down into the cosmic egg, then maybe put it on a nice shelf or something. This sounds pretty terrible to everyone, except Master Order, who seems up for it. The big cosmic names seem unsure what, if any, action to take: fighting Rex could do more damage to the universe, or as foreman Lenny Ballinger points out, maybe they're just afraid of getting their asses kicked.

Earth's mightiest heroes are gathered (and the Punisher, who had met Damage Control before, because more cosmic events need a really angry guy shooting at them...) but John makes a suggestion to CEO Robin Chapel, who fires Rex. No longer a Damage Control employee, there was no longer any need for him to clean anything up; so that takes the wind out of his sails. And Damage Control gives out a lot of their cards, to the heroes as they leave.

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