I had a really nice bike ride yesterday (as I write this) in terrible conditions: I waited until about the hottest time of the day, and it was pretty windy for here. Which made for slow going into the wind, but just flying on the way back! Way more fun than I expected. Today, on the other hand, is tire-melting weather; and I'm trying to cover some posts for when I'm out, so we get a classic, that somewhat annoyingly isn't reprinted where you would expect! From 1984, Captain America #289, "Tomorrow, the World?" Written by J.M. DeMatteis, pencils by Mike Zeck, inks by John Beatty.

This issue isn't included in Deathlok the Demolisher: the Complete Collection or Captain America: Deathlok Lives, although it seems like, um, the conclusion? Will Cap be able to stop Deathlok's horrible future (of 1990...) from happening? Are earth's heroes doomed? Deathlok only appears in flashback, so I guess they figured his job was done and this was Cap's problem now. (Also, I would'a sworn there was a Deathlok Lives trade with that sick Zeck cover from Cap #286.)

The Brand Corporation (and its parent company, Roxxon) was about to finally launch the Nth Project and its Nth Commandos: sure, it's a bunch of goons in green jumpsuits, but their guns were the special part. Each commando had a hand-held "Nth Projector" capable of banishing any target to another reality, where they would immediately die. Their targets, for a simultaneous attack, were the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, and the X-Men! For day one, anyway. Then maybe a day to recharge (the guns, not the goons, the goons were totally expendable) before they hit the solo guys; figure about a week to wipe out every superhuman in the United States. One of the goons was Godwulf, who in the future would regret his actions and had just sent Captain America back to try and stop it--and himself, although Godwulf pretty obviously hated his past self, who we see later in the issue about to lead his squad into the Baxter Building.

Cap is stymied by Ma Bell, though, as he didn't have twenty cents for the pay phone to warn anyone! Wow, that'll date this issue more than anything. Instead, Cap is forced to rush the Nth Project's secret front office, the Broadway branch of Metro Bank! Smashing through the front window, Cap tells the guard he's there to rob the joint, and to call the cops; but the guard calls his boss instead, who tells him to just keep it quiet and clean up the mess. Godwulf had given Cap the codes for the doors, and Cap was hoping to get to the Nth Generator: while the projectors would be able to take out even the mightiest hero in one shot, they took a ton of extradimensionally funneled power, which was their weakness. With the benefit of Godwulf's info, Cap is able to fight through a room full of goons, then lasers, and then gas. But not even Godwulf knew the last line of defense...a giant-ass robot! That reads Cap's mind, nearly burns though his shield, and no-sales said shield right back at him!

Shaken, Cap is on the verge of quitting, but doesn't have that in him: instead, he rallies, seemingly effortlessly dashing through the robot's legs, vaulting up its back, and smashing its roboskull, all while making a speech! In real time, it might not have been quite as impressive: the robot wasn't real, just "psycho-waves" blasted into the room. The suit running the Nth Project can't fathom why Cap wasn't driven hopelessly insane: because he's Captain America, stupid. The Nth generator blows, leaving the Nth Commandos up a creek: a smug squad is remarkably less so, when the projectors don't work after they trash-talked Thor, She-Hulk, and a very pissed-off Wasp. Cap leaves the clean-up to Nick Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D...huh, wrapped up sooner than usual today.

Because it was Marvel's Assistant Editor Month! Which gave the creative crews some leeway to take swings, or make jokes. Or both! Assistant editor Mike Carlin, dressed as the Watcher, presents "Bernie America, Sentinel of Liberty!" Cap's girl Bernie Rosenthal wonders what it would be like, if she were the one always running off to save the world or New Jersey or whatever, and her "ever-loyal, sheepish, and not-especially-bright love interest Steve Rogers" was left behind to cry about it. But, as fun as it is for her to imagine the shoe being on the other foot, she's still overjoyed when the real Steve shows up. 

There's some swell writing this ish, but Zeck absolutely crushes it: I dunno if the book had looked that good in years, or would look that good again for years! This is also one of maybe...four? issues for Assistant Editor's Month that I read at the time: Conan the King #20 took a swing, with "The Prince is Dead" and changing to a bit more long-form stories. Star Wars #79 is a solid adventure but also funny in a way I don't think we'll ever see that franchise get to be again. Despite what he may have become, Fantastic Four #262, "The Trial of Reed Richards" is like John Byrne at the height of his powers. And speaking of Byrne, I didn't get this until much, much later, but we've seen the Thing #7 here, as well as the Hembeck hijinks of Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #86. Further back, we glanced at ROM #50, but mostly from the viewpoint of the Skrulls. If you go all the way back, like twenty years ago we looked at Moon Knight #35 a few times! 

Also this issue: ads for both Popeye and War Room videogames! I had them both on the ColecoVision and enjoyed the hell out of them, although just saying "ColecoVision" ages a person like ten years...

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One story has a pretty good message! And one foresees, um, TRON.

Aw, that's still pretty good! From 1979, House of Mystery #268. Cover by Michael Wm. Kaluta.

The first story, feels like a riff on the movie Tron but predated it by three years! In "Night Call, Collect" a terminally ill man funds a program, to turn a man into a program; breaking a person down into data, then adjusting and correcting it, to return them to perfect health. The man isn't about to be the first test monkey for that, though, and zaps one of his scientists into it instead, in a bit that seems to predict "de-rezzing" in Tron. But he starts to get strange calls at night...and the tape the scientist was supposed to be encoded onto, was blank! (Written by Wyatt Gwyon, art by Ruben Yandoc.)

"Dead Buddy" is a brief bit of CB radio nonsense, as was the style at the time; then "The Man Who Spoke With Spirits" is a very nice object lesson. Endlessly seeking knowledge, a king invokes spirits for their wisdom: the spirits oblige him, but say he must obey their every command. Every command? Yeah, every command! First: build a fancy monastery. Sure, why not? Then, start gathering up all the gold in the kingdom: it's rough on the peasants, but it'll teach 'em "the virtue of poverty." When the peasants are ready to revolt, the spirits help the king summon demons, then advise him to imprison random citizens to keep the rest from getting uppity. So desperate for wisdom is this king, that he goes along with everything the spirits order, like 'give your daughter to the barbarians to get them to lay off' and 'eat garbage to learn humility.' Let's just say, it takes a long time for this guy to get wise...(Written by T.Casey Brennan, art by Jess Jodloman.)

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The cover is just to draw attention from the fact that this is hardly a "Two-in-One."

I don't think this cover fooled anyone at the time, although I'm not sure it was supposed to. This wasn't really a team-up story and they had to put something on the cover, so...from 1982, Marvel Two-in-One #91, "In the Shadow of the Sphinx!" Written by Tom DeFalco, pencils by Ron Wilson, inks by Jon D'Agostino.

There were other heroes in this issue, even if they really aren't helping poor Ben out much: Dr. Strange makes an astral appearance, to tell Ben he has to go to Egypt. Ben blows him off, but then Reed was examining a recent survey picture of Egypt, which showed a pyramid that he didn't remember being there before. That's enough to compel Ben, grudgingly, to fly over in a pogo plane for a look. Which still might be a dumb idea, since Ben realizes when he gets there, he doesn't speak the language and can't really question the locals. Then, an escaped professor asks him for help, but he's chased by a batch of local goons. Said goons are no match for the Thing, but Ben loses track of the professor in the fight, so he opts to "surrender" and get taken to the big bad. Which--that shadow--could it be?

No, it's the Sphinx, remember the title of the story? And so you don't forget, while Ben's chained up, the Sphinx monologues for three solid pages on his origin, the Ka Stone that gave him immortality, getting super-bored with said immortaliity, challenging Galactus to a fight and losing, and Galactus sending him back in time to get his Ka Stone again and relive his stupid life. The problem was, Galactus sent him back to just before he got the stone, creating a time paradox--I don't know if that's a paradox as much as a mere loop. Working together, the two Sphinxes create a machine to rebuild the Ka Stone after it was broken, and one Sphinx goes into suspended animation to wait for that day. Which...why? Weren't you sick of that life? Why wouldn't you tell your past self to do things differently, rather than "do everything exactly the same, it'll go badly and you'll end up exactly where I am."

When the Sphinx leaves to see if the Ka Stone is done cooking, Ben frees himself from the big metal mittens he was held by, then goes to punch him up. Even without his stone, the Sphinx wasn't a pushover, although he is hurt when Ben accidentally catches him with a shot to the kidneys. Furious, the Sphinx throws Ben's pogo plane at him--I don't think you see those anymore, maybe this is why--but that just got Ben into position to clobber the Ka Stone machine. The stone reaches out to Ben's mind, trying to convince him to take it, but Ben's not buying it. Thrown for a loop after the usual massive explosion, Ben is down when the Sphinx finds his partially rebuilt stone. While glad to have it, he also realizes he's maybe not the head guy in their pairing, and sensing that the Ka Stone had plans for Ben, he takes off in his flying pyramid. Ben probably had to fly home commercial. (Weirdly, he'd be back in Egypt in MTIO #95!)

Batman-shaped shadow notwithstanding, I don't think Ben had to face the Sphinx again: after this, he seemed to be Nova and the New Warriors' problem. This is at least one more issue where Ben's reading is rudely interrupted (I'm thinking of Spidey surprising Ben in Marvel Two-in-One Annual #2) as he's reading a "Mark Boyland" novel while lifting weights: that's a reference to Mack Bolan and the Executioner novels, which ran from 1969 to 2020! Ben also cross-pitches Epic Magazine, suggesting the Sphinx pitch his fantasy there. And although I don't think any of them are related: how many evil rocks are there in the Marvel Universe? The Soul Gem, Bloodstone's stone, several Moonstones, the Ka Stone: many of which are portrayed as trying to influence or take over their bearer. (Then there's the Looter, who claims to hear his meteorite but everyone assumes he's nuts!) Also, on the back of this issue: the full-page ad for Megaforce! Somehow, I saw that in theater, and spoiler alert: it's not very good! Read more!

"Hair."

This probably isn't supported anywhere, but I'm using Pavitr as a bit more of a foil: I don't think he's quite as wholesome or innocent as he might present himself, he might be the Eddie Haskell-type. If you're too young to remember Leave It to Beaver, or a great Toyfare character assassination of Biggs Darklighter; he's the shifty, rotten kid-next-door who sucks up to parents and authority figures to maintain a butter-wouldn't-melt-in-his-mouth facade. That and he's aggressively competitive with comparable Spider-Men, like Miles. Any Spiders older, Pavitr probably pretends to listen but mocks them behind their backs as out-of-touch geezers. I bet a lot of Spider-Women see through him, though.

That's like maybe the most recent Miles Morales Spider-Man figure, and he feels short? Especially next to somebody we'll see later... 

 And, something I'm surprised I don't have an answer for right away: where did Nightcrawler learn to fence? Who taught him? Not every little detail needs to be explained with a ton of backstory, or as often used in comics, continuity patches: I'm pretty sure the Swordsman or Baron Zemo didn't teach Kurt. (If you remember Solo Avengers, they backfilled the new character Trickshot as Clint Barton's trainer before he was Hawkeye; because somebody thought it was suspect that the Swordsman trained Clint in archery.) But, he got pretty good if he just learned to fence from watching old pirate movies and waving sticks around in the woods. I think Kurt probably learned somewhat more formally in the circus; we'll leave it at that.

Oh, and this is annoying: I had this in my head for some time, because the "Saracen pig! Spartan dog! Turkish taffy!" is a Chris Claremont/Alan Davis bit from Excalibur #14, "Too Many Heroes,", but that's riffing on a bit from...ugh...Woody Allen's What's Up, Tiger Lily? Ick!  

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The Rogue Trooper movie may have recently finished, but I'm not sure if it has been released yet, especially stateside. I have fairly high hopes for it; I kinda figure it'll be not unlike Shin Kamen Rider, as in, a very well-executed love letter to the source material that the average American has never heard of. While we wait, we might as well hit an issue I'm not sure I'd read before: from 1987, Rogue Trooper #7.

The opener, "The Body Looters" and the issue's closer "The Assassination Run" both feature war-scavengers Mr. Brass and Mr. Bland, who are making a tidy sum pillaging battlefields for weapons and equipment to resell, and both get little dollar-signs for eyes at the thought of Rogue catching a bullet and being able to loot all his stuff. They aren't dumb enough to try that themselves, though; and shouldn't they see little pound signs, or whatever the hell British money is? (Tuppence? Shillings? Half-a-farthing? Completely made-up bul--) But later, Brass and Bland had unauthorized access to the satellite spy cameras surrounding Nu-Earth--all the better to see prizes to be picked up--and see Rogue infiltrate the Norter victory rally at Nu Nuremburg. They try to sell that info to the Norts, but no sale: the Norts say they'll find Rogue themselves, and they'll find those two as well. Despite the interference, Rogue still manages to kill two out of four Nort generals there, getting revenge for Dix-1; but now back to his usual quest to find the traitor that betrayed the Genetic Infantrymen. (Written by Gerry Finley-Day, art by Cam Kennedy.)

Surprisingly, there's an Alan Moore/Brett Ewins story here as well, from the 1983 2000 AD Annual. Rogue and the guys meet a young Souther point man, with "Pray for War" on his helmet. While they work together briefly, Rogue (or rather, Gunnar) has to kill Pray when he wants to take out a truck full of Nort women and children, visiting for Christmas.

"Hats Off to Helm" finds Helm getting the guys in trouble, as his chinstrap had rotted away in the corrosive atmosphere. But, Helm has Rogue throw him on a grenade later (a dud!) and then saves Rogue from some Nort bullets, so he was getting maybe a bit big-headed. Rogue worries that between that, Gunnar's trigger-happiness, and Bagman's unpredictability; how long can he rely on his friends? (Also written by Gerry Finley-Day, art by Cam Kennedy.) 

If you're old enough to remember KB Toys, you may have seen the 2000 AD action figures from Re:Action in 1999--I'm not positive that was the year those come out, but even so, that was a million years ago! Rogue didn't get a figure in that six-figure series, but HIYA Toys has one coming soon. He would be a bit spendy, but comparable to other not-quite-mass-market/semi-fancy 1/12 figures. I am tempted...I also need a replacement Strontium Dog. Ugh, maybe I'm doing more overtime this week...

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We may be doubling-down on Quality/2000 AD reprints this week, but I remember the cover for this issue from the sell-through house ad on the backs of other Quality books that month. It was pretty unlike the others, but it might not be representative of what actually happens this issue, either! From 1988, Halo Jones #7, "The Last Dance" Reprinted from 1985's 2000 AD #414 and #415. Written by Alan Moore, art by Ian Gibson. Cover by Bart Sears!

After her battle with Toby the robot dog, Halo had been assigned "complete relaxation," and was chilling with the ship's dolphin--years before Star Trek had them, although I don't know if this dolphin does any proper duties! Her friend Toy wants her to get out of the water, and get kitted up for a party; this one thrown by the ship's owner, Lux Roth Chop. There is a moment in their cabin, that Halo and Toy both feel like something was missing, but eventually decide it wasn't important.

The party was maybe Halo's last chance to bag a guy she'd had her eye on, but he's poached by a glamourous, and entitled-seeming, woman. Halo has to stop her to ask, since she finally places her voice, as that of newscaster "Swifty Frisko." She has a laugh about that, since that was computerized and merely a hologram; perhaps either done for a lark or residuals. Halo is left wondering how she can tell her friend Rodice that Swifty Frisko stole her man, when a young boy approaches and asks her for a dance. Deciding why not, no one else was going to ask her that nicely, Halo dances with him, noticing he was both an excellent dancer, but also the crowd seemed to part for him. And why shouldn't it: he introduces himself afterwards, and Lux Roth Chop. (Lux is much younger in the story, and shorter, than he was on the cover!)

Finally arriving on the frozen planet Charlemagne, Halo makes her way to the Solid Air Bar, to see if she beat Rodice there. The bar was pretty empty, but a call comes in, asking for Halo: it was Rodice, calling from back on the Hoop on earth. She had decided not to leave, feeling more comfortable there. She wants to tell Halo more, but Halo tells her she won't be coming back to the Hoop. "Where will you go?" "Out." Settling in next to alien keyboard player Yortlebluzzgubbly, Halo looks like she's about to have more than a few drinks...This was the end of Book Two, and the next book maybe featured more action in the 2000 AD manner; but again, due to a rights dispute Alan Moore to date has never returned fo Fleetway.

And again, as was typical for these reprints, Halo only gets 10 pages and a couple pin-ups in her own mag! Judge Anderson gets ten, although a couple are out of order and she's inexplicably colored as a redhead instead of a blonde. This was another chapter of "Hour of the Wolf" from 1987, as an enemy psychic recovers the body of Russian assassin Orlok, and revives him. Aside from the Dark Judges, there aren't a lot of recurring bad guys in Judge Dredd stories (at least compared to American comics!) and this might have been a move to keep Orlok in play while also covering why Anderson couldn't just find him later with her psi-powers. (Story by Alan Grant and John Wagner, art by Barry Kitson.)

The issue wraps with another Alan Moore story, Abelard Snazz in "The Double Decker-Dome Strikes Back." (Art by Mike White.) Abelard was a super-genius problem-solver, with solutions that inevitably led to more problems, and previously had been abandoned in space to die with his fawning robot toadie Edwin. Frozen, Abelard is recovered by the alien defeatists the Farbians, who think he was their god Toglub of the Two-Fold Gaze. Surely he would be able to solve the three-pronged threat hanging over the planet's head...? (Amusingly, the long-suffering Farbians appear to have had other disasters, as their naysaying priest references some Alan Moore Future Shock strips! One, the alien cleaner, you might recognize from the cover of Quality's Time Twisters #1!) Can Abelard come up with the answers? And will he immediately shoot himself in the foot right after? You can probably guess, but it's done well.

I don't think there's a huge demand for Fleetway/Quality reprints in general, maybe slightly more for Halo Jones, but I am still surprised when I find any. Going to check my overflow box of 2000 AD-type stuff and see if I'm close to the set, here. Read more!

I'm 40% sure I got my dad this one already, but why not?

The Lone Ranger strikes me as neither pessimistic nor genre-savvy, so he maybe doesn't know that having a good feeling about anything is a recipe for disaster! Well, that feeling probably won't last, anyway. From 2009, the Lone Ranger #17, "Resolve" Written by Brett Matthews, art by Sergio Cariello. Cover by John Cassaday.

Despite still being relatively new to the job, this issue the Lone Ranger and Tonto stop some robbers and a runaway stage, with a relative minimum of violence: I've been reading too much Jonah Hex, because I was expecting a shotgun blast to the face, an arrow to the neck, and a guy thrown to his death, but the robbers are brought in alive. The Ranger and Tonto return the stage to the bank, with the tied-up robbers, and also drop off a big lump of silver with an old lady whose fence got smashed in the chase.

While Butch Cavendish and Winston Marle continue their respective plots, the Ranger and Tonto visit Linda and her boy Dan: while the Ranger is a terrible cook, he's still a catch! He tries to have a talk with Linda and explain his feelings; which kind of looks like he maybe thinks he can be the Lone Ranger and still have a family, which seems like a pipe dream. Sure enough, Dan interrupts them, saying someone was there asking for the Lone Ranger...to be continued! 

 I've read a few of these, but I'm not sure why Cavendish was a psycho-killer in this: he's in a room full of people he'd already killed in that panel there, with a prospective victim trying to buy his way out, and Cavendish is seemingly uninterested in the money. I maybe just like the idea of even a bad guy, being self-aware enough to realize he didn't like what money was making him. This series only ran 25 issues, and there's ads in the back for Man With No Name, Zorro, and the Boys, which Dynamite had picked up after DC dropped it. You'd suspect the Boys to be the sales juggernaut there, and I feel like it sold better than anything else mentioned here, but I'm not sure it was overwhelmingly so.

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