Shoot, do I haveta buy another Rom figure?

I have two, of course, but one is unopened on my wall! Still, this was one of the issues I had as a kid, so a good one to finally hit: from 1981, Rom #25, featuring "Galador!" Written by Bill Mantlo, pencils by Sal Buscema, inks by Joe Sinnott; and "Love Will Tear Us Apart" Written by Stephen Grant, pencils by Greg LaRocque, inks by Steve Mitchell.

Some have pointed out some similarities between the silver Spaceknight here, and Marvel's own Silver Surfer: aside from the coloring, both were insanely noble, and had made horrible sacrifices to save their respective homeworlds, and later earth. But the Surfer's timeline is somewhat vague as to how long he was Galactus's herald: in-story, it seems like it could've been centuries, although the Surfer's girl Shalla Bal didn't seem to have gotten old and died, so maybe it wasn't? Here, Rom returns to Galador, after leaving 200 years ago to continue fighting the Dire Wraiths. Which is why he's confused when he's greeted as though he had never left? And that he was their Prime Director? The people hail and kneel to him, as the Hawkman-like Angel Elite form an honor guard/perimeter around him, saying they had not realized he intended to go out in public. Rom thinks back over his history, and the first two years of the book, as he approaches the "Hall of Science!" It's a bit foreboding to him, as that's where he had been made into a cyborg Spaceknight, but also where his remaining human parts were still stored...He notices the doors were now covered with carvings, of his own heroic deeds; but that was troubling in itself since the Galadorians had never glorified war.

Before he can enter, Rom is confronted, by another Rom: it doesn't get a big reveal, it's on the cover, okay? Rom-2 also had the ornaments of office, the "Living Lightning" which look a lot like the thunderbolts Arkon threw around, and the "Golden Globe of Power," which looks like a pain in the ass to hold with Rom's mitteny hands. Rom scans his duplicate with his analyzer, thinking it would be a shape-changing Dire Wraith: instead, Rom-2 was almost a literal mirror image of himself, human where he was machine, and vice versa. The Angel Elite fry Rom with weaponry that seemed specifically created to zap him; captured, he's hung up in a stasis field. Really surprised they didn't lean into the crucifixation angle of that; that might be a tokusatsu thing. Rom-2 and a hooded figure question him: was he sure he was the real Rom? Uh, yes; this wasn't anywhere as close to breaking him as they seemed to think it would be, but the worst was yet to come. Rom-2 was really Rom's old friend Terminator: all of his human parts had been lost, so he was probably happy just to have Rom's spare bits. The hooded figure reveals himself to be...Mentus! That name doesn't really mean anything to Rom, but he was the 'evil' side of the previous Prime Director...y'know, he probably had a name besides the job title, but okay. The Prime Director, grieving that he had asked a generation to sacrifice its humanity, tried to project his will into a Spaceknight shell, but instead of creating an alternative to making cyborgs, just released his evil side. Mentus then faked the PD's death, but the populace greeted the returning 'Rom' as a hero and gave him the position. The people believed him when he said the Dire Wraiths were defeated, but Mentus was actually moving Galador to the Wraith's dark nebula: he was going to give them Galador, in exchange for ruling them, which he assumed they would in awe of his evil.

Back in Clairton, WV; Brandy Clark takes Steve Jackson to the drive-in movies, but not for anything fun: she needed to talk to him without anyone listening, since she could tell people were acting changed. Steve doesn't think they had been replaced by Wraiths, since they had new hero the Torpedo to watch for that, but after a mysterious fog settles in, the townsfolk turn on them like zombies. Worse, after they escape to the Torpedo's house, they find it filled with the same fog...

Meanwhile, on Galador, the Prime Director tries to encourage Rom, telling him Mentus fed on despair. Summoning his neutralizer from subspace, Rom frees himself, then the PD, then the frozen Spaceknights that had returned over the years but been betrayed by Terminator and Mentus. The Spaceknights strike first, to disable the duped Angel Elite; but Mentus had brought in Dire Wraiths, who are probably a little steamed Rom had only been captured, not killed. Rom faces his own face in the Terminator, who is willing to kill to keep at least some humanity, but he is then swayed by Starshine, who forgives his earlier coldness. Terminator turns on the Wraiths, using his neutralizer not just to banish, but to kill; seemingly sending them directly to hell. Rom also gladly accepts his old friend, even if it costs him his humanity, because goddamn he's noble. But, the collected Spaceknights then find the Prime Director and Mentus, both dead: appearing briefly as a big floating head, the Prime Director explains he had reabsorbed his evil side, but at the cost of his life. Still, he warns there was more danger ahead, as Galactus was coming...as we saw, some time back! This one would have to be backpedaled a bit to get Rom a happy ending at the end of the series, but at the time was just one in an ongoing series of tragedies for the character.

Also this issue, "Love Will Tear Us Apart"--wait, not that one! OK, I would've read this in '81, but I wouldn't hear Joy Division until several years later, probably on 120 Minutes or its tie-in CD. Set earlier than the lead story, Rom sends more Dire Wraiths into Limbo, while still trying to track down a field commander named Baran. He gets a tip from Brandy, who had researched recent developments in advanced sciences; but both her dad and her ostensible boyfriend Steve worry about her associating with the Spaceknight: it's more than obvious they've lost her and she loves Rom, even if nobody comes out and says it yet. Baran, for his part, had 'gone native': he had been on earth for at least five years, and had a human wife and adopted son, which his cohorts are appalled by. When his wife is captured by the Wraiths, Baran is forced to admit the truth to her; but Rom arrives in time, having looked Baran up in the phone book! The other Wraiths, having already turned on Baran, nearly kill Rom with new magnetic weapons, but Baran shoots and wounds one, giving Rom time to recover. Baran then surrenders: he had acted against his own to save his wife, but was done. Instead of banishing him, though, Rom considers him human now, and leaves him to try and hash things out with his wife, who isn't sure if they can go on. (If you know what eventually happens in the book, I'm not sure it works out for Baran either way!) Read more!

The local toy show was this weekend, and I'm pretty pleased with my haul this year. Also, while I went over budget, I didn't really: there was a sort of ideal target number, then a real number...And as usual, there were some vendors that brought comics. One had a new batch of cheap comics--a bunch of Donald Duck and Uncle Scrooge, which I seem to be finding all over lately: same thing happened recently with Legion of Super-Heroes, where some store puts a bunch out cheap, then everyone seems to be trying to unload them, like they were the newest not-hot book? And another guy had a pile of reasonably priced Savage Sword of Conan, that I really could've blown my budget on, and even now kinda wished I'd grabbed some more. Also, I should've put my glasses on and looked it up: I needed SS #218, the conclusion to the story from Conan's last issue, Conan the Barbarian #275. I did grab the last issue the guy had, though; #234: ooh, so close, that's the second-to-last issue! But we also grabbed the next one: from 1995, Conan the Savage #1, featuring "Hounds to the Slaughter" Written by Chuck Dixon, art by Enrique Alcatena; and "The Circles of Set" Written by Roy Thomas, art by Tim Conrad. Cover by Simon Bisley.

Before we get into the issue itself, I was kind of hoping the Wikipedia for Savage Sword of Conan would get a bit into the sales numbers. While the heat of the barbarian fad had understandably faded over like thirty years, SSoC was a rare beast that had a presence outside of the newsstand spinner rack or the direct market comic shops: as a black-and-white magazine, it was sold mostly away from those venues. I think it was Tegan that pointed out that it was always available in truck stops and convenience stores, racked with the tattoo and trucker mags. The only sales data I could pull in a brief search for 1995 from Comichron was 4700 units of SSoC #231 sold; but that would've just been numbers from comic shops and not necessarily indicative of the title's actual sales. Maybe if I'd bought all those later-run issues, I could've checked for a USPS Statement of Ownership for numbers; but what I'm getting at is I can't tell is Savage Sword's numbers were down or slipping or even bad. (Also, it was still only $2.25? A mainline comic at the time was $1.50 but a lot were $2.50-$2.95.) Was this a legit attempt to relaunch and inject some new life into Conan? Or did somebody at Marvel just have the bright idea that hey, you know what always boosts sales? A new number one! I strongly suspect it was the latter, especially since the relaunch here features Thomas and Dixon, who weren't exactly new blood. And I wonder if the change didn't somehow...break the spell? Not only did it snap a long run, but I worry that retailers weren't paying a ton of attention and maybe the change wasn't ordered or racked like it had been previously. Maybe they just didn't notice it on the order forms or on the racks under 'C' for Conan, I don't know; but Conan the Savage only ran 10 issues, with the last being May 1996. And that would be it for the barbarian, until the Dark Horse relaunch in 2004.

Anyways, on to the issue at hand: "Hounds to the Slaughter" is a fortress-siege number, which Conan in chains at the start of it for breaking a soldier's jaw, but proves his worth when he's still the only one to notice Vanir assassins sneaking in. A veteran of many sieges, from either end, Conan is full of helpful tips for the fort's new commander: clear the snowdrifts away from the walls before the enemy just walks in, all that chopping you hear means they're building a battering ram, and the last commander didn't die of a curse, he was poisoned by his servant. Still, the Vanir smash the gates and the Aquilonian legion, and Conan is forced to retreat after the commander is blinded after a hammer to the skull. Good, but only 24 pages; could've gone a bit longer and a bit harder.

The second feature, "The Circles of Set" has an interesting set-up, but maybe too much: in the desert, Conan finds an oasis, but ringed by a maze of walls and tunnels. Forced to enter in search of water, Conan finds a young woman, and a snake-man, albeit a type of snake-man he hadn't seen before. The woman bashes Conan over the head to defend the snake: it was her lover! She had been a dancer, and her guy was cursed by a priest of Set who wanted her for himself. They had almost made a life for themselves there, but the snake-man asks Conan to take her away, freeing her from any obligation to him. Which breaks the spell! The couple then ask, since they were back together, why didn't the spell come back; but Conan describes spells as like jars: once broken, they don't put themselves together again. 

I don't think this would've been the worst issue of SSoC I ever read, but as a new launch it didn't knock my socks off, either.

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A true story this issue? At least one, I guess; I can't confirm the rest.

I know I joked "every time Hitler appears somehow, drink!" but none this issue: instead, an actual true story! From 1975, Weird War Tales #40. Cover by Ernie Chan.

The opener, "Back from the Dead," follows a couple G.I.'s during the Battle of the Bulge, as they survive a couple close calls--or do they? Yeah, no. (Story by Jack Oleck, art by Fred Carrillo.) Then, we get another short that was reprinted in Showcase Presents: the Great Disaster, as the last man on earth finds an unbroken plate glass window, in an otherwise demolished city; and contemplates everything that glass probably saw, all that history. Then he smashes it. Well, that was only two pages, I don't know what I expected. (Story by Len Wein, art by Howard Chaykin.)

Then, a Revolutionary War tale, "The Warrior Breed" Written by Jack Oleck, art by Buddy Gernale. It's not entirely historically accurate: Robert Shurteff is nearly turned away from enlisting in the Revolutionary Army as being 'puny,' but was actually tall for the time, like 5-foot-7! Shurteff won the respect of his fellow soldiers, and was wounded twice; yet strangely refused medical treatment, eventually contracting a fever. That would lead to 'his' discharge: 'Robert Shurteff' was actually Deborah Sampson, who passed herself off as a man and served for 17 months! As usual, I'm not up on my history, this was actually the first time I heard of this; so at long last comics are educational!

Finally, the oddball "The Soldier from Space," wherein an alien scout finds earth loaded with the sustenance his people need, if the humans don't wipe each other out first. After he's shot down, the Germans find the scout injured and amnesiac, and try to get him to turn his weapons on the Allies. Another bump on the noggin restores his memory, and he turns on the Germans; all the better to gather the blood his people drank! (Written by George Kashdan, art by Ric Estrada.) Read more!

As this posts, I will have been back at work for a couple of days, after an absolutely splendiferous four-day weekend; so I should be completely hating life and the living as of...hmm, now. I deal with not working just fine, but some people have trouble without the structure of their jobs; even if their job is a horrible, chaotic mess of disasters, danger, and suffering. It's nice to feel needed, I guess. From 1968, a not-GCD pretty copy of Action Comics #368, "The Unemployed Superman!" Written by Otto Binder, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Jack Abel. Cover by Carmine Infantino.

After a month patrolling in space, and visiting his mock-up/memorial of Krypton, Superman returns to earth, which he guesses will probably have built up some problems for him. Instead he finds, a completely peaceful and safe planet? That hadn't had a single crime in a month? Or a natural disaster? Returning to work as Clark Kent, Perry White tells him people aren't even getting sick anymore, and the biggest news story for him to chase was a chess tournament. (We don't see Lois in this one, because she's either deep in investigating this nonsense; or sunk into alcoholism out of boredom.) Mr. Mxyzptlk and Phantom Zone criminal Jax-Ur show up briefly, but neither cause any trouble, and both leave quietly. Starting to get itchy with boredom, Supes has three of his robots shoot confiscated super-weapons at him: it doesn't hurt him, of course, but the robots then activate their self-destructs, saying it was evil to use weapons against anyone!

Superman is puzzled, but is then joined by a "Sentinel," not a big purple robot, but a jewel surrounded by energy rings. The Sentinel explains that not only had they changed the planet and destroyed evil, but that Superman wasn't needed anymore, so he should just go off and live under a red sun somewhere. Off you go! Sadly, Superman seems to agree, packing up some stuff, including a space suit and parachute: without even saying goodbye to anyone, Superman drops down to a planet under a red sun, without his powers...to be continued? Ooh, that's going to be tough to find in the dollar bins, even a ratty copy; but the GCD entry for #369 spoils it if you can't wait. (I suspect, it's something akin to Kirk's speech at the end of the Star Trek episode "This Side of Paradise," "Maybe we weren't meant for paradise. Maybe we were meant to fight our way through, struggle, claw our way up, scratch for every inch of the way. Maybe we can't stroll to the music of the lute. We must march to the sound of drums.")

Also this issue: "Supergirl's Stand to Save Stanhope!" (Written by Cary Bates, art by Kurt Schaffenberger.) This was the conclusion of a three-parter, with some dickheads from the future having taken the entire college hostage, in search of a student that would later invent a formula worth millions to them. With the college sealed off by a force-field that would explode if a Super hit it, Supergirl exposes herself to Gold Kryptonite, taking away her powers permanently, so she could get inside; then she and the student have to contend with a hypnotized student body and assorted future robots and gadgets. It's fun to see Supergirl have to work without powers (although she had gadgets of her own!) and of course she really hadn't been exposed to Gold-K in the end. Read more!

"Stretch."

 

We probably could've had the standard Marvel misunderstanding fight with Spider-Man 2099 vs. Nightcrawler there, but Kurt's usually pretty good as de-escalating things. Which I always thought was why he was killed off for a while: the X-books needed conflict, external, internal, whatever; and Kurt would've been a damper on that. I am of course still mad myself, that when Kurt finally does get mad, when he realizes Cyclops had been using X-Force for secret murder missions, he's immediately killed before anything comes of that. 

Also, who did Spidey 2099 lose? Well, coming up we have three figures I don't think I've used before here, before we even get to that!

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The cover kind of struck me as like Daffy's upcoming "Coyote vs. ACME" appearance.

Also, this title had a crazy long run--from 1994 to late 2024/early 2025--even if I think a lot of that was reprinting itself. This story could've been re-run three times for all I know...From 1996, Looney Tunes #23, "This Isn't Your Life, Daffy Duck!" Written by Jack Enyart, pencils by Héctor Saavedra, inks by Rubén Torreiro.

Daffy finds himself in a situation like Reuben in American Flagg! where the project continues, but he gets cancelled. This being Daffy, he's actually managed to get fired from starring in his own life's story, which...is kind of an achievement, honestly. Since Warner Brothers' owned his likeness, there wasn't anything he could do about it; worse, Porky lets it slip that they're having open auditions for the role of Daffy, so every Tom, Dick, and Harry within earshot rushes to try out. (Or every Hippety, Charlie, and Hazel, among others!) Hmm, Daffy is consistently the butt of jokes in these, so you wouldn't think playing him would be a plum gig, but like I keep saying, it's work, baby, got to keep working it.

Crashing the set, Daffy interrupts Sylvester's audition in "Robin Hood Daffy" (a stone classic!) then Wile E. Coyote's in "Duck Amuck." The latter convinces him this is all somehow Bugs Bunny's doing; and definitely not because he told Warners "exactly where they could put their cameras, lights, and equipment!" This leads to another crashed audition, and a version of "Rabbit Seasoning" with Foghorn Leghorn, Henry Hawk, and Daffy arguing about who was a duck; which inevitably leads to Daffy getting shot by Yosemite Sam, who feels he nailed his audition anyway.

Finally getting to the head of the studio (via Duck Dodgers jetpack mishap) Daffy finds Bugs, who tells him his biopic was cancelled. Fuming, Daffy quits: this wasn't the only studio in town; but Bugs notes the other one already had a duck. 

The rest of this issue was a Bugs Bunny story and a couple shorts, but the lead feature is the highlight. Huh, I might'a been wrong: this series ran until #281, but I had thought more of that run was reprints. Earlier, we saw "Field of Screams" which had been reprinted in the series three times! I'm not sure "This Isn't Your Life, Daffy Duck!" was ever run again, but I'm not positive it wasn't, either. The series was "stealth cancelled" in 2025 but now might be the time to come back; although now I wonder if it's been continuing in some better country; like Finland has quietly reached issue #762 by now...

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The future, if Bruce Wayne put his money into social programs. (No, we're not having that discussion again!)

Even though it was probably a popular title that whole time, the Legion of Super-Heroes only appears once in the classic Brave and the Bold run? Both Sgt. Rock and the Metal Men make a bunch of appearances there! Counting this issue, I can think of maybe three times Batman has met the Legion, but I still figure Bats has to spend 40 minutes confirming his identity every time he sees them. Also, I feel like they always have vaguely insulting questions for him, like "you're a founding JLA member and have no powers, at all? How?...seriously, how?" From 1981, Brave and the Bold #179, "Time-Bomb with the Thousand Year Fuse!" Written by Martin Pasko, pencils by Ernie Colón, inks by Mike DeCarlo.

This could maybe have used another pass; but after Batman stops some really dumb thugs from stealing a time capsule before it's buried; 1000 years in the future two scientists investigate the "Mandorian relic" that was in the capsule? (Not that one!) The relic seems to be some kind of egg with an anti-matter shell, so cracking it could be disasterous; it is of course immediately stolen by...some guy we've never seen before, wearing headgear that looks like he's cosplaying as Conan's axe. The Legion of Super-Heroes arrives, but fails to stop him and his "super-hypnosis," and the bad guy escapes--to Gotham City, 1981! Batman holds back a moment, after the guy hypnotizes down some guards, but then tries to keep him from messing with the relic; then Batman is taken back to the 30th century with the baddie!

The axe-head guy, Anton, meets up with the main villain, Argus: they're casual in the future! But 'Argus' might have been the villain's first name and never used again: he was really Universo! I had forgotten he was a Green Lantern once; I mainly knew him for using hypnotism and mind control, but his kid Rond Vidar was immune to it, so Anton was needed to control Rond, with a skullcap helmet under a wig! Anton appears to have just popped Rond's hair off like a Lego minifigure's. 

While several girl Legionnaires are disappeared into the time stream as hostages (Universo refers to them as 'nubile,' a word that isn't used much anymore and we're better as a society for it) Batman breaks into Legion HQ to get help--you know, I'm 90% sure he could've just knocked, but that wouldn't be Batman. Later, the Legion fights the bad guys, which involves the usual getting hypnotized and fighting each other, while Batman has to launch the egg into space before it blows. The girl Legionnaires are returned--they were going to be put at ground zero of the explosion, but that instead puts them into position to wrap up Universo. With everything squared up, the Legion takes Batman home.

I don't think Anton adds much to this one, it felt like somehow subcontracting from one of the Legion's usual bad guys. And I had thought the Legion was maybe being condescending, but they might have really liked Batman and getting to hear about how things used to be done. Maybe; they're kinda gathered around him like they're waiting for Grandpa Simpson to tell them how this tree dates back to frontier times or something.

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