"Daughter."

"Do you like my sword?" "I do not." I'm positive I stole that cadence from Dr. Seuss's P.D. Eastman's Go, Dog. Go! It's a fun read! 

The OAFE review of Mephisto points out two things I probably should've caught: Mephisto's sword is a version of Excalibur, and that's a reference to Earth X continuity! If I recall, alternate realities are revealed as literally the devil's work, like he was causing them, possibly in the hopes of finding the one where he wins in the end. (Or, at the very least, forestalling judgment.) I'm not sure of the status of the 616's native Excalibur--the sword, anyway. Mephisto may have more jabs about Excalibur, the team... 

The Krakoan soul dilemma, well, that's pretty much fallen by the wayside; not unlike Kurt's soulless status there for a while. (Could he get back into heaven? Unclear, but he doesn't seem to be dwelling upon the issue in-continuity.) I may have mentioned this one before, but don't have it handy: Namor #12, wherein Namorita is a little freaked out since under Atlantean theology, a clone like her wouldn't have a soul. Captain America very gently explains to her, he'd seen a lot of people lose their souls (every Nazi scumbag ever) but he'd also seen a brother gain a soul: the android Human Torch, who earned one through empathy and good works. I still consider that one a lot, and I suppose it follows that I'm willing to concede a lot of goodwill to any AI that literally kills Hitler.

Also, hey, Mephisto has a daughter! Maybe, from Doctor Strange, Sorcerer Supreme #6. Mephista was using the name "Jezebel" now, and yeah, don't blame her.

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I bought this to see him give Crossbones the business, but...

It's weird that Marvel doesn't seem to have any books for younger readers anymore, but they've had a few titles that were basically child endangerment, like Spider-Boy, the most recent Spider-Girl, and this one: from 2023, Red Goblin #8, written by Alex Paknadel, pencils by Chris Campana, inks by Roberto Poggi. Cover by InHyuk Lee.

We did get the Red Goblin action figure, mostly for the Kingpin leg he came with; but this wasn't the same one: instead of Norman Osborn under a symbiote, it was his grandson Normie! Who was having trouble controlling the symbiote he named 'Rascal,' but he might have been wondering, was the symbiote the violent one...or was he? This issue continues his struggle against the Goblin Nation, under Goblin King/former heroic Green Goblin Phil Urich. Phil was basically a mobile corpse at this point, and had set the mercenary Crossbones on one of his own henchmen, to prevent him from maybe turning on him. Miles Morales helps Normie out, delivering a top-shelf knockout to Crossbones: seriously, Miles beat him so bad, he looked like he was melting afterwards.

Normie then pretends to remember a Goblin safehouse, but that's just to send Miles on a wild goose chase: Normie knew Spider-Man wouldn't be okay with him murdering every Goblin goon in his way, to rescue his friend Tim. In the ensuing showdown, Urich nearly convinces Rascal to abandon Normie, comparing him to "keeping a tiger in a cage." Rascal thinks maybe Normie would be happy without him, but Normie knows Rascal would just be used to hurt people: with Normie, at least they'd only be hurting bad people...hopefully. Urich then tries to beg out of getting murdered, in that he was basically dead already, but it doesn't appear to save him. (I don't love Urich going bad, but he's also been repeatedly jobbed over the years.) 

 Tim somehow gets to Norman Osborn, who was currently the Gold Goblin, and maybe not a bad guy--eh, he was still an industrialist 1-percenter, he probably still wasn't great. But, can he help his grandson? Does he need help? There were two more issues, so who knows? We saw Normie and Rascal in Adam Warren's stellar Venom Wars: Fantastic Four, but I'm not sure I knew about this series until stumbling across this issue. Not having the rest of it in front of me, I don't know all the backstory: Normie's mom Liz appeared to be working for a competitor to Osborn (Alchemax, one of the legacies of Spider-Man 2099!) and had her own Goblin thing going? And how old is Normie, anyway? Marvel time does weird things. Try to put, say, Franklin Richards, Kitty Pryde, Kamala Khan, the Power Pack kids, Molly Hayes from Runaways, and Normie and the aforementioned Spider-Kids in some kind of order based on how old they appear to be now, versus when each debuted. Actually, maybe don't; you'd never get an answer everyone liked. I do like how Marvel made a big deal a couple years ago about certain younger heroes being outlawed, so now there's even younger ones: the law is an ass!

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AI could never...well, in kayfabe maybe, but...

 

One of my favorite albums ever, well, I feel pretty confident in saying you've never heard of it, unless you've heard me natter on about it before: Servotron's No Room for Humans. Think surf-guitar Devo: their gimmick was, the band was robots, cheerfully preaching robot superiority and the glorious impending extinction of humans. I always thought it could've been popular with the Big Bang Theory crowd, although the AI apocalypse is less fun-sounding now; but it's still a fun listen. (There's a tribute song to the 'Creator,' Robby the Robot; and another to V.I.C.I. of reviled sitcom Small Wonder! Also songs referencing R5-D4 from Star Wars and Magnus, Robot Fighter!) But, today it came to mind with a very timely comic! From 1991, Uncle Scrooge #252, "No Room for Human Error" Written by John Lustig, art by William Van Horn.

It's a more-stressful than usual day at Scrooge McDuck's money bin, as it's parole day for the Beagle Boys: after a drill goes badly, the nephews point out his accountants aren't really prepared to be his first line of defense. Which leaves junior assistant janitor Donald, who has enthusiastically, if not skillfully, been setting homemade traps all over the place. Like a kiddie pool, with "Old Iron Beak," a bitey turtle Donald picked up cheap at "a holistic pet shop!" Frustrated, Scrooge fumes that when he was "a mere quintillionaire" he could protect his fortune himself, but the nephews again advise he can't expect his regular workers to double as guards: they weren't trained for it, and were only human. An innocent phrase, that causes more problems...

Scrooge orders Donald to disarm and dismantle his traps (although Donald loses count, how many were there?) and disappears for a few days, returning with some high-end protection: the Perfecto 4000! With a new robot guard, there was no need to keep Donald on payroll--or the accounting staff! A giddy Scrooge is thrilled to have no staff and no mistakes; until Perfecto gives him his own walking papers: after all, a perfect robot could do his job better than him. Donald has a laugh about that, but Scrooge says he'll fix Perfecto's hash...unfortunately, the cops are routed by the robot, and decide Perfecto was, um, out of their jurisdiction. (Remember, kids: cops aren't legally required to help you! Although they usually help those with big bankrolls more than here.) After the army likewise gets its ass beat, Donald suggests a deal with the devil(s), the Beagle Boys! Who winkingly protest, they'd never steal from their employer: that would be unethical! Although, their contract might be a bit of robbery--they want sick leave and a health plan? If you have one, why do you need the other? Chiselers.

The Beagle Boys already had a plan--actually, a robbery, already in progress. Namely, distracting Perfecto, with 9999 Beagle Boy inflatable dolls, while they tunneled underneath the money bin...OK, the Beagle Boys had two bicycle pumps, to blow up 9999 decoys, each of which was about the size of a regular person. Not only would that take, like a hundred years, but the guys doing the pumping would be friggin' pumped themselves at the end of it! Still, Perfecto isn't fooled long, and catches up to them, and plans to murder them, but not to be cruel: he won't laugh about it, until after. Still, a reflected blast destroys the robot; but Scrooge's victory is short-lived, as now the Beagle Boys were free to loot the place. Their victory is likewise brief, as they trigger the last of Donald's boobytraps, which doesn't work as designed but leaves the Beagle Boys stick in a trough full of glue.

As the cops take away the Beagle Boys, Scrooge is left to ponder: he had the perfect guard, the world's toughest vault, and a flawless plan; yet what saved the day? The world's biggest bungler, Donald Duck! Scrooge rehires Donald, as senior assistant janitor--at least until Old Iron Beak bites Scrooge again. 

So, what have we learned? I don't think AI stans read period, let alone read comics, but right off the top: what's to stop your AI/robot whatsit from deciding you don't serve any useful purpose? Moreover, if said AI malfunctions, what provisions do you have in place as back-ups? I'm thinking of a lot of idiots that have seemingly lost whatever ability to write a bloody email that they may have previously had; but I'm old enough to remember how to maybe process a business transaction without computers; a mostly lost skill, that could maybe make a big comeback...

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I have to wonder if these all came from the same collection, or same collector.

If so, I hope they're doing alright. From 2010, AAFES 10th Edition [New Avengers: X Exchange] #10. The GCD notes, no credits, but at least three art teams.

This actually makes the fourth of these oddly-sized AAFES military exchange comics that I've gotten from my local comic shops dollar bins: previously we've seen Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America issues. But, as you might expect, all three appear this time around, although not until near the end. Captain America saves a kid from being held hostage by Whiplash, while Thor fights the Abomination in Indonesia. When Thor picks up the Abomination and starts flying up with him, Abommy thinks Thor's trying to freeze him out, but that won't work. Nah, he just wanted to get him in the air to lightning the crap out of him.

Iron Man battles a recently-awakened, confused and cranky Fin Fang Foom; who may have been the victim of somebody trying to weaponize the dragon. Were these three events related...? Yes, but who cares, the Avengers were on their way to the opening of a new exchange, to honor the troops. 

 This particular copy wasn't in as good of shape as the others I've picked up, but it wasn't as good of an issue either; it kind of just trails off. Maybe bit off more than they had the page count for! But, at a glance, it looks like AAFES did maybe 17 little Marvel books, between 2005 and 2013.

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Here's another one I had been looking for, and again, the quarter bins provide! (Almost literally this time, it was a fifty-cent buy!) From 1996, Guy Gardner: Warrior #41, "Guys & Babes in Toyland" Written by Beau Smith, pencils by Marc Campos and Mike Parobeck, inks by Dan Davis.

I'd mentioned this before, as featuring animation-style art by the great Mike Parobeck: he had done something similar for Superboy #4, and we do see a thought balloon in the animated version as G'nort wishes he had got that job with Superboy! Here, two versions of the same story run simultaneously: the 'real' events of Guy's visit to Toy Fair '96; and a cleaner, TV-friendly cartoon version. Guy's there to promote his uncle Buck Fargo's planned toy line and tie-in cartoon for him. This version of Guy was way more chill than his JLI days, as well as more respectful to women: one of his sidekicks was jungle-girl Veronna, who was willing to do anything for Guy, but the idea of taking advantage of her seems too much for even him. Toy sales rep Olivia does think Veronna's action figure was going to sell well, though!

This being a comic book, of course some bad guys show up; and hey, why not get a team-up in there? A really, really awkward one, with guest-star Fire! With Ice currently dead, they had both been in mourning, but may have been drifting closer together in spite of themselves. In the animated version, the bad guy is "the Debt" and gets shut down by Olivia; but in real life it was goons from Quorum, who don't appear to have accomplished anything...except their true purpose, getting cell samples from Guy!

Later, Guy manages to catch his show, and is dismayed to see how G-rated/"Captain Marvel" he was portrayed; but too late to change it now. And Fire plans, to maybe see Guy again. 

 I'm actually a little sad I wasn't reading this one when it was released: it's good-natured fun, with Guy far more sympathetic than he'd ever been. I would've still remembered him as a grade-A jerk, though; and he's probably back there now. Also, is it going back to the well to have Parobeck do another animated-show riff? Maybe, but there was still water there! I feel like Wonder Woman deserved an issue of that: Diana, frustrated with executives, "...what, exactly, is a 'Star Rider'?" Parobeck was of course the best, but Campos does a great job here too. Dig it up!

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"Trickling."

Why is Mephisto behind this? If you've seen his accessories, you might have a clue; although his big one is yet another throne I don't really have room for. (I bought the big Super7 Silverhawks Transformation throne a while back: while it's eating a lot of shelf space, it is neat and a steal at that price!) Hell, I still have the Marvel Select Mephisto throne! Read more!

"Sure, he's big and scary and legit could kill you; but he's basically your training level."

 

I don't know that there's enough institutional memory at Marvel anymore for editorial to have suggested it, and I swear there's more examples, but for a new hero you're probably going to fight the Rhino pretty early on. Probably not in your first issue, what with origins and set-up and all, probably the second issue. And he's perfect for it, like an early boss fight in a game--like Spidey's PS1 classic, for example. Rhino is tough, but not too tough; a bad guy but not like a bad guy (he loves his grandma!) and beating him is a big confidence booster.

From 1995, Green Goblin #2, cover by Scott McDaniel.

From 2005, Gravity #2, cover by Mike Norton.

From 2019, Miles Morales: Spider-Man #2, cover by Sana Takeda. Hey, that's a cheat, Miles had been around for some time then, he was hardly a rookie. But, neither was the next one:

From 2023, Uncanny Spider-Man #2, "Blue Streak" Written by Simon Spurrier, art by Lee Garbett. Cover by Tony S. Daniel.

During the "Fall of X" event, most of the Krakoan mutants were missing and feared dead. Nightcrawler was hiding out (for certain values of "hiding out") in Central Park, wearing a Spider-Man suit for disguise. Which yeah, probably shouldn't work as well as it does: this issue, a confused Mystique is going on about losing her baby, but clocks him before he can unmask. She accuses him of helping humans and interfering in mutant matters, so Kurt lets her go, in a bit of a huff. He's then briefly visited by the white Bamf, that he isn't sure is a figment of his imagination; before getting a better visitor: Dagger, of Cloak and! Said Cloak had been MIA for a couple days, but might have been in his own bad mood. (Nope!) Kurt tries to reassure her, but after she leaves, he gets attacked by the Rhino!

Anti-mutant organization Orchis currently had control of the Rhino, but their tech guy wonders why Silver Sable International would need him, if they were so slick. Sable advises the reverse was also true, and that Orchis had all but begged to test out Rhino: she saw him only as bait, though. Meanwhile, Kurt was trying to get a red-lit gadget off of Rhino, and Sable recognizes it as similiar to something that had been on Kurt during his monsterized murder-spree. (Which, best recollection; I don't think we saw much of on panel?) While Sable renegoiates her contract, Kurt is thrown off Rhino, into a trap: an electrical field to keep him from bamfing out, then shot with tranquilizer darts and a capture-thing that looks like Doc Ock tentacles. Sable has words for her racist henchman Kremer, while Kurt cuts himself free--with a magic sword? Sable is less annoyed that he's done that, then the fact that said sword hadn't been in his file.

Doped up, Kurt's no match for Sable, who snags him by the "unexpectedly soft tail." When the Rhino charges them, Kurt is forced to pull an unsafe move: teleporting him and Sable down, into a tunnel. Sable is impressed, until Kurt admits that had been a guess, a leap of faith. In the dark, Sable had his tail in one hand and a gun in the other, and couldn't turn on the light in her helmet; but Kurt recognizes her accent as Symkarian, and tells her about a sunrise he had seen there as a teen. After an explosion knocks her on top of him, Sable kisses Kurt, then apologizes, as it felt unprofessional. 

The moment is interrupted by the Rhino, who appeared to be in pain from a malfunction in whatever was controlling him. Kurt teleports the Rhino, high above the park, and tries to pull the control mechanism off for proof. The white Bamf advises no one would believe that anyway, so maybe don't kill yourself trying; and Kurt acquiesces, bamfing the Rhino over the Orchis control van, crushing it. (The tech guy gets out.) Stuck in a hole, Sable considers this job might be more difficult than she had planned...

Spurrier had been writing Kurt for a while here, through Way of X and then Legion of X, but Uncanny Spider-Man is far better: less muddled with supporting characters and Krakoa morality and crossover mandates. Of course I'll still say "read them all!" but you know me. This series somehow still had room for Kurt to be charming as all get out, while still deep in PTSD/survivor guilt and a redemption arc for his moms.  

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