The continuity hadn't gone out the window yet, and that might be the one costume that looks better on a guy?

From 1984, All-Star Squadron Annual #3, written and edited by Roy Thomas, researched by Dann Thomas, and a whole mess of artists! Jerry Ordway, Rick Hoberg, Rich Buckler, Wayne Boring, Richard Howell, Carmine Infantino, Don Newton, Marty Nodell, George Pérez, Keith Giffen, and more!

Huh, I had thought the Golden Age Tarantula had been a later addition; but nope, he first appeared in 1941! He's probably best known to modern readers as getting killed off in Nightwing, and his successor would...um...do stuff to Dick; but back in the day he became a costumed mystery-man as part of his research into his heroes for a later book. I think his costume was maybe altered or updated by Jerry Ordway though, and it's pretty good; but this issue he gets tripped up on a metal lockbox while pursuing Nazi saboteurs. (Aside: I used to think Nazi saboteurs in WWII-set comics was just the hokiest thing in the world; that there were more in comics than there ever could've been in real life; but lately...) Tarantula is saved by Wonder Woman, and together they investigate the case, which contains an illegible list of names, some newspaper clippings, and references to the Justice Society! Wonder Woman doesn't recognize the photos there, so they take it to her Amazon "magic sphere" back at their Perisphere headquarters. The sphere begins by showing them a JSA meeting, from a year prior, as the team was trying to raise a cool million for war orphans, and razzing Johnny Thunder a bit for dropping the ball: he'd managed to stop some thugs posing as Atom and Sandman, but admitted his Thunderbolt wasn't good with financial stuff. Still, if only their honorary members Superman, Batman and Flash chipped in...and the Thunderbolt delivers them, with $100,000 each!

Green Lantern and Dr. Fate go to deliver the cash to President Roosevelt himself; with Fate saying he had sensed "strange emanations from our nation's capital (sic)." (That should be capitol!) They find shadow-men threatening the president, and shut them down: they had been sent by old JSA foe Ian Karkull, who had previously been reduced to a literal shadow of himself. The shadow-men burst into flames, but GL is able to pull a charred list from the flames: nine other locations, each with a JSA foe. Fate sets a "24-hour protective spell" about the "Executive Mansion," and he and GL race back to JSA headquarters in Gotham. Most of the team then heads out to face their old foes, with Johnny Thunder and GL in reserve. Meanwhile, Ian Karkull likewise puts his forces into the field, promising each one that completes their mission a $100,000. The Tarantula on his team wasn't the same one; and it's weird to see Catwoman with the realistic cat mask; otherwise Wotan was the only one I recognized.

Superman of course has to save Lois Lane, after her plane gets shot down by the Lightning Master, who is about to destroy a hospital for his payday. Supes thinks he should be able to walk through his electrical weapons, but the "new and improved" version gives him pause; until he gets an assist from Johnny Thunder and his Thunderbolt! Elsewhere, the Hawks stop Alexander the Great, the Spectre stifles Zor, and the Atom and Sandman clobber Tarantula; all before they could attempt to carry out their assassinations. Flash, and his future wife Joan, have an only-slightly harder time with Sieur Satan; but Joan also demands she get to come with him. Batman and Robin chase Catwoman in Hollywood, but she takes out another hitman instead, unwilling to become a killer. Green Lantern faces Wotan, but while the villain is thrown back into another dimension, his last stray shot clips a tree, knocking it over onto a child, killing them. GL isn't sure that kid was Karkull's target, but is furious to find out.

Hourman faces Dr. Doog in Georgia, where he plans to electrocute a good chunk of the countryside to get his target. Despite struggling with Miraclo side-effects, Hourman had been forced to take two pills back-to-back, but he gets an assist from Doog's old foe, Starman! He had seen Hourman go in, and wanted to apply to the JSA. Finally, Dr. Fate saves a small boat from a freak storm, then confronts Karkull, who has set a trap for him, in a house made out of flesh...! Fate summons the JSA for help, getting the entire team, plus Robin, Lois Lane, Joan Williams, Hawkgirl, and Starman. The heroes with ray powers zap Karkull, while the Spectre senses other souls within him. Karkull grows to giant-size, but the Spectre matches him, and Karkull bursts, showering the assembled heroes in a weird light. (A color plate seems off here; I wonder if all copies had this?)

Fate and the Spectre believe that Karkull had "stolen time" somehow, and his demise would prolong the lives of those present, or maybe just make them "more vital" while they lived. That feels like a good start for the rookie Starman, but Hourman and Green Lantern both have to take leaves from the team, and Dr. Fate follows suit: he had to determine if he was in charge, or Nabu. The JSA opts to keep this case a secret, which is why it was news to Tarantula and Wonder Woman--she wouldn't join until months later. Tarantula agrees to honor the Society's wishes and keep this under his hat, although he doubts Karkull was on to anything with his targets...eight of whom would later become President of the United States! Figuring out where each would have been on or about June 28, 1942 would've taken a bit of research.

Along with a bit of fun for a jam issue, Roy Thomas had intended this to patch a few continuity issues: Green Lantern's very brief tenure as chairman of the JSA, Hourman's leave of absence, Dr. Fate's changing helmets and powers; as well as the heroes' long-lives and vitality past what would usually be expected for their ages.

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You don't see Clark giving Superman the business on covers anymore, and I think we as a culture are poorer for it.

I have a small print of Superman #201 on my wall, a Curt Swan cover with Clark seemingly storming off, saying "I quit! I'm through being Superman--for good!" I don't think the story this issue is related, but the cover seems similar, and within a year of #201! Even still has a newspaper in his jacket pocket! I wonder if maybe the same editorial description or prompts were given to two artists. From 1968, Superman #209, "The Clark Kent Monster!" Written by Cary Bates, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Jack Abel. Cover by Ross Andru and Mike Esposito.

An alien space capsule is causing tidal waves in Metropolis Harbor, and Clark Kent has to pretend to be headed for the hills, so he can duck out and change into Superman. Supes smashes open the capsule, revealing a creepy, alien brain. Still, the alien's brain-rays hurt Superman, but bounce off and destroy the alien, so problem solved? Except, when Superman lands in an alley to change, he finds his Clark Kent clothes and glasses gone, no longer in his cape-pouch! Stolen? No, Clark was already wearing them, as he confronts his alter-ego, glowing red and pissed off.

Clark then storms into the Daily Planet, and drags Lois with him, to go bring in the Marauder Mob. Clark tells Lois he's tracking the mob by their "brain-impulse residues" left at a crime scene, which seems unlike Clark somehow...He's also seemingly invulnerable, and able to use "mental domination" to turn the Marauders into meek cowards. Superman wonders, if he's just jealous of Clark, or is there something else to it...yes, you goof! The next page, Clark's made himself a Superman-like uniform, and smashes up the Planet office as he quits, even zapping Perry White with a weird vision-blast. Jimmy uses his signal watch to call Superman, who faces off with "Clark," who is of course the alien brain entity, which stole Clark's clothes, glasses, and brain cells from Superman!

Growing more big-headed, faux-Clark goes on a brief rampage, but can't bring himself to kill Lois: while it tries to assert dominance over the Clark-persona, Superman puts his plan into action. The brain still needed Superman's mind, so couldn't kill him yet, but Superman hypnotizes himself to forget his Clark Kent identity, cutting it off from the brain, which dissipates in space. Feels like Supes kinda killed that thing, or at least didn't go all-out trying to save it anyway. Later, with his memory and stuff back, Clark tells Lois that Superman told him about the creature "impersonating" him, then pretends to be scared of a yippy dog.

Also this issue: "The Super-Servant of Crime!" (Written by Robert Bernstein, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by John Giunta.) Superman had been mining gold for a charity drive, like 50 miles below a mobster's property; so to reimburse him agrees to carry out six requests, as long as he doesn't ask for anything illegal or repeat a request. Superman then repeatedly dicks the guy over, like a terrible genie, like "get me a lawyer, dawg." It's supposed to be cute and funny and just rubs me the wrong way. Read more!

I don't know if or when I'll find the next issue, and get to use "Back to S.K.U.L." as a post title.

The three-buck copy I bought was a bit doodled on, but it's such a cover I couldn't resist it! The story inside wasn't what I expected, though: from 1966, Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane #63, "The Satanic Schemes of S.K.U.L.!" Written by Leo Dorfman, art by Kurt Schaffenberger.

When Perry White takes a temporary appointment as senator...for whatever state Metropolis is in...Van Benson is made his replacement at the Daily Planet. Lois would rather see them promote from within--probably her if she could sit still for that job--but initially finds Van handsome. Then a slave driver, but she still agrees to dinner with him, and he takes her to the smancy Kitten Club, the top spot in town, and where everyone knows your name. Or, at least all the girls seem to know Van. The club has an elaborate stage show, with Tamara, mistress of the whip, snagging Van's eyeglasses case with it. Van explains, it's all part of the act, and they'd be returned later. The coat-check girl returns them to Lois for him, and she checks them out--and they seem to have a secret anti-Superman message on the lenses!

Lois starts working the case, which leads to a secret cult: Superman Killers' Underground League! S.K.U.L. meet wearing hoods, but then use "some weird fluorescent effect" to appear as skeletons; which I guess is thematically on point? The leader appears as a red skeleton (not that one, although rest assured, they don't skip that joke) and lights a series of candles, shaped like Superman's friends, to symbolize their deaths. It would admittedly be somewhat terrifying to watch a bunch of chanting weirdos burn a candle shaped like me, I have to admit. Lois then goes undercover at the Kitten Club, using Superman interplanetary trophies borrowed from Jimmy, to pass herself off as a magician. (Supes probably specifically asked Jimmy to keep those trophies out of the wrong hands...) She eventually infiltrates S.K.U.L. and wins a drawing for the plum assignment, of murdering Superman!

Unfortunately, Lois's instructions are in code, so she brings in Lana to help her break it. The message gives a meeting point, to pick up "Weapon X" (not that--oh, never mind) so Lois and Lana decide to get a message to Superman, on the front page of the Planet. But, they're stopped before it hits print, by Superman, who badmouths their lamebrain scheme as gumming up his chance to take out S.K.U.L. If they were so smart, why didn't they see through his Clark Kent disguise? But this isn't Superman--or Clark--it's Van Benson in disguise! But, he wasn't the leader of S.K.U.L. like Lois thought, he was an undercover agent! Or was he...? To be continued...and I don't have the next issue yet, so it might be a bit. All the stage-show stuff seems vaguely familiar, though, like from a horror movie I might'a seen on Svengoolie: Cult of the Cobra maybe...no, something with more of a Satany/voodoo vibe, maybe more John Hoyt. Read more!

It's fun that they get a meetup that doesn't immediately turn into punching, or worse, Superboy-Prime.

From 1991, Superboy #16, "Metropolis: City of Tomorrow...Today!" Written by John Moore, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Kim DeMulder. Cover by Kevin Maguire and Ty Templeton.

We've seen a couple of these, tie-ins with the syndicated Superboy TV show; but this would've pushed the budget a bit too far. It's the conclusion of a time-travelling two-parter, as young Clark has an adventure in the Metropolis of the year 2240 with some "genetically altered J.D.'s" with an albino tiger caretaker, and the time-traveler Dancer, who brought him to destroy a malfunctioning time beacon. But, instead of 1991, he's returned to 2001! It takes Clark a moment to put that together, even after he sees himself fly into a white time void and disappear.

Clark figures, if he saw his future self, that must mean he gets back to 1991, right? Unless the whole timeline goes blooey or something. Still, he sees his old friend T.J. White on a storefront TV--man, there's a plot device that's gone away--and goes to him for help. T.J. believes him, since Clark was ten years younger than he should be, and takes him to the Daily Planet, where he would work in the future, but to see someone else. Clark takes off his glasses, and is introduced as his own cousin, "Clark Shuster," to Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen! T.J. knows Lois is going to be the one to figure things out, even if she is snowed by his lies about Clark's time-travel expertise. The four head to S.T.A.R. Labs, to see temporal physics expert Jessica Gary, and get there in time for another time rift to open, this time like a sinkhole. Clark thinks it's a path into the timestream, and Lois asks why he's the expert: Clark is about to come clean, although I don't know how much he was going to tell her, but is interrupted by Jimmy Olsen activating his signal watch! Clark can hear it, and is unused to the signal, so he's almost in pain. Jimmy thinks the watch must be "on the fritz," otherwise how could Clark hear it? You're...you're so close, Jimmy!

Dr. Gary and Clark climb down the time sinkhole, which changes Clark's clothes to Superboy's, then Dr. Gary slips, falls, and disappears. Superboy is lost in a featureless temporal soup, but comes through, to find Superman, on a sphinx! Superboy recognizes it as Dancer's headquarters, and they find an albino tiger cub and Dr. Gary inside. The doctor was acting weird, and her voice seems to have a reverb effect, but she deactivates the sphinx's time machine, then gets zapped out of existence! Only to return a moment later, as Dancer: she had set this up in the future, so she would be able to make things right. Superboy and Superman return to S.T.A.R. Labs, where Lois has questions about what happened to Dr. Gary and Clark Shuster, which Superman doesn't really want to get into but kinda seems like she'll wring it out of him. Superboy then disappears, returning to 1991 and Lana, who doesn't seem particularly interested in hearing about Clark's trip. 

 Perhaps serendipitous, but there's an ad for Armageddon 2001 in there, too! I had to take a look: this would have been just a couple months after Curt Swan got to do a few pages for Superman #50. He had been the Superman artist for so long, but DC seemed to think he was old hat: I wonder if his work on this series was an olive branch...or a consolation prize.

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Do all only children want siblings that badly, or just Kryptonian ones?

More than likely this plot was used more than a few times in Super-books: a ship arrives on earth, with a passenger with super-strength and such; obviously they must be part of the family! From 1969, Adventure Comics #385, "Supergirl's Big Sister!" Written by Robert Kanigher, art by Kurt Schaffenberger.

This one's a bit different than Mon-El's appearance in Superboy #89, as instead of making an assumption based on evidence at hand; Supergirl's alleged sister Kranna claims to be such from the start. (She also tells Kara all this like she could see the panels!) Kranna says thanks to radiation from their parents' lab, she was basically already super by the time she was five, when she was abducted by pirates who erased the memory of her with an amnesia-beam. Feels like there's already a few holes in her story: wouldn't her parents have noticed her room or her stuff? Baby pictures and such? The pirate king intended for Kranna to marry his son when they both grew up, and kept her prisoner with a Kryptonite field surrounding the castle--had Krypton blown up at that point? How would they have known that would contain her? Doesn't matter: Kranna grew up, and developed an immunity to Kryptonite. She had been keeping tabs on her younger sister's career on earth, and stole a rocket and escaped to join her. 

Kranna had also brought something from the pirate planet: coal! Not just coal, but super-coal, which Kranna suggests would be too tough for Supergirl to turn into diamonds like earth coal. Supergirl proves her wrong, crushing the coal into diamonds easily, but is then called away by Superman's super-ventriloquism. Kara flies off, but Kranna wants to put the diamonds away for safekeeping first: yeah she does, since this was an elaborate scam! "Kranna" was really Carol Benton, daughter of an earth scientist; and all her super-feats were hidden devices or lightweight props. Still, Kara wasn't fooled: she had faked Superman's call, since she guessed "Kranna" would laugh first chance she got. She burns the diamonds, and tells Carol where she messed up: the obvious one, she wouldn't have needed a rocket, she would've flown.

Also this issue: "The Jilting of Supergirl!" (Written by Robert Kanigher, pencils by Win Mortimer, inks by Jack Abel.) 'Jilting' isn't used much anymore, is it? As Linda Lee, Supergirl visits the Daily Planet: she had intended to ask Clark, to ask Superman to help with a college building fund, but Superman was actually there. Lois had been having a "girls' talk" with visiting Princess Vee-Ra of Galaxy XL-9, who then flies off with Superman for a night on the universe. Lois then breaks down in front of Linda: she was worried Supes would fall for a woman with powers, since he could never marry Lois without the risk of criminals trying to get at him through her. That has to be remarkably awkward, but Linda tries to comfort Lois, while secretly being glad she would never have that problem. Yes, never, ever, ever...I haven't even turned the page yet, and I'm pretty sure that's going to bite her in the ass.

Linda saves an underground borer from an underground civilization, just like saving a random falling jumbo jet or something, not a big deal; then goes to a dance, where her date is not doing it for her. Likewise, a later date with a star athlete, who can't keep up with a Supergirl. (Not like that; on a bike ride!)  But, new transfer student Steve might be a prospect: good-looking, insanely smart. The guy recognizes Macbeth in Swahili! Of course, he's a star athlete, and when he takes Linda on a rock-climbing date, also has levitation powers that he learned from a guru in India! (Batman must've missed training with that one!) OK, yeah, he's from the underground civilization, the super-powered Prince Raynor of an underground world. Linda is more than sold, and goes with him to the underground city, where everything goes swimmingly--until she gets captured by local malcontents, who want to extort the secret super-power elixir from the royal family. Supergirl is dismayed, she can't break free of the net, and Raynor has to save her, but the engagement is off. Calling her a "hindrance," Raynor cuts ties with her, even though Supergirl is pretty sure that was a Red Kryptonite thing, a one-off. She returns to earth to walk in the rain, in the same boat as Lois Lane; although Raynor seems like a showoff. And the 'malcontents' could've been just anti-monarchy, which I could get behind.

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Superman #309 is one of the earliest comics I can remember reading; so I was thrilled to get this one that looks and seems to read like it could've been the very next issue, not three years later! From 1980, Superman #347, "The Sleeper Out of Time!" Written by Gerry Conway, art by José Luis García-López.

The "bad guy" this month isn't; it's an alien courier, that had been delivering a peace treaty, but had crashed on earth. While that's what gets the cover and all, it still feels secondary to other things going on; like Lois Lane going after Superman perhaps more "fragrantly" than usual; although she does still bail on their date to try and get the story to the Planet. She's not thrilled to be scooped by Clark, and while he seemed to antagonize her there, he seems concerned that their rivalry seemed to be getting more intense. The Planet drama barely misses a beat from #309, too.

Sadly, this was about JLGL's last on this title: he would appear on the Mr. Mxyzptlk back-up in #351, though. Read more!

I took Tuesday off this week, since my internet was going to be out, and then it was out part of the next day as well. So, I'm typing this during my downtime and don't have the internet next to me, and I wonder how many typos we'll end up with! From 1999, Action Comics #755, "Necropolis" Plot by Stuart Immonen, dialogue by Mark Millar, pencils by Shawn Martinbrough, inks by Jose Marzan Jr.

Superman rescues a little girl from a collapsing building, which I had thought was going to be from whatever happened in the previous issue, but it was a slumlord's side project. Still, the slumlord cuts back, with a comment about Superman's recent attempt to take over the world. Supes knows he's going to have to rebuild people's trust in him; but he's still mildly steamed here, since somebody who's obviously a super-dick is scoring points off him. 

"Mildly steamed" is probably, at best, Lex Luthor's default state; and there's a brief interlude with him yelling at some DEO agents that serve him an injunction. How they got all the way in to see Lex, is a fair question; but Lex's ego might've blind-sided him here: he thought the government would be a bit more supportive of his synthetic Kryptonite projects, after Superman's attempted world domination. The DEO maybe didn't see it that way, arguing that the project might have weakened Superman and made him vulnerable for Dominus to take over. Lex yells at the agents as they leave, claiming deep insights...that I'm not sure Lex would usually have. I just don't see Lex as that interested in people; he wouldn't care if that guy was still a bedwetter.

Meanwhile, the newly pregnant Lucy Lane was visiting with Lois and Clark; but not privy to Clark's secret identity: the captions characterize her as a screwup that does everything wrong, and everyone wanted her to be more like Lois...I don't know about that, either; I can't see a lot of authority figures like her parents or teachers wanting that, Lois could be a bit of a pain in the ass. Lucy was going to check out her boyfriend Ron Troupe's new job, post-Daily Planet, and Lois and Clark go with. They're headed for a not-great neighborhood, though: the cab driver advises them against it. The cabbie also has a bit of an anti-Superman tirade, triggered by a tailgating Porsche. This in turn triggers a bit of a dream sequence for Supes, imagining the world if he had taken over: great for nature, bad for people. Humanity would've resisted, gotten slapped down, and whoever survived the downfall of civilization never trusted him again.

Clark wakes up downtown, as they arrive at the new Fairmont House, which turns out to be a shelter run by Ron. He's glad to have a job where he's helping people again, and Lucy is proud of him. She stays to help out, while Lois and Clark take a walk: Lois can tell the cabbie's words hurt. Clark wonders if Superman maybe does more harm than good, interferes with humanity too much; but is interrupted by the little girl he saved earlier. He and Lois take the girl and her mother to Fairmont House, to help them out until they were back on their feet.

Mark Millar has written some very good Superman stories--mostly for the animated tie-in Superman Adventures--and a lot of try-too-hard-to-be-edgy crap designed to be turned into a movie or whatever. I didn't love this one, but this is far from the depths he would sink to, so there you go. 

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That's mildly annoying: that's the second time in recent memory, I've picked up an old Superman comic that I thought was new to me, and recognized it from an old digest reprint about three panels in. Still, it's easier to fit this in the scanner, so I probably shouldn't complain. From 1971, Superman #244, "The Electronic Ghost of Metropolis!" Written by Denny O'Neil, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Murphy Anderson. I would've probably read this first in 1985's Best of DC #56, the "Superman vs. More Aliens" digest. (There's a small chance I might've read this earlier, borrowed from a relative!)

When Superman sees a mysterious energy aura surrounding the GBS building, he's pretty sure trouble's brewing; and sure enough there's an energy monster tearing up the studio! Although it's probably closer to Zzzax, and predates this by like 30 years, the creature reminds me of an old pal: Kineticlops from War of the Monsters and Downhill Domination, two probably forgotten PS2 games that were both super-fun. Anyway, the creature seems taken aback, when Lois scolds and thrown a lamp at it, so Superman figures he should be able to handle it easily, but he gets shocked and slapped around, until the creature "seemed to seep into the electric cables!" (I always think that was intended as a clue, that the creature maybe couldn't touch another electrical circuit; but it isn't touched back upon.)

Supes switches to Clark Kent, to get yelled at a bit by Morgan Edge, which doubtless seems toxic as hell now but was just sort of the background noise of Clark's life then? Still, he decides to consult the spanking-new GBS computer system, which might have been state-of-the-art for 1971; that is, massive. Probably sounds like an industrial thresher, too. The computer says the monster was not in the building, and the aura he saw earlier was "radiation from quark energy," which is a new one on Superman; so it feels kinda doubtful the computer would even be able know it was there: kids, computers didn't know, or do, squat back then. If you spent weeks inputing a bunch of numbers, you could maybe crunch them into some other numbers, if you knew what you were doing, so probably not.

Clark's news broadcast is interrupted by a report of the creature, now at the television transmission tower. Clark ducks out, "to get more information," and on his way out Superman remembers Lois would've been in that area covering a pageant for the Planet--wow, that seems dated. Even then Lois should've been covering bigger stuff...maybe. Of course, Lois has put herself in danger to get a picture, and Superman saves then lectures her. He then opts to "take a leaf from the Batman's book," and huck a big chunk of metal at the creature, which disappears--disintegrated? Doesn't Superman have a code against killing? Even weirdies like this. Elsewhere in Metropolis, small-time criminal "Teach Dilbert" and his boys watch the news, and hatch a scheme with his "wraith-raiser" box. Teach Dilbert, that would be an unfortunate name. The scheme is blackmail, with a double-exposed trick photo of his machine 'creating' the creature. Superman puts a stop to that pretty quickly, then the creature appears at a local atomic pile, and Superman has to throw it into space before it melts down.

Next, Superman checks with Morgan Edge--maybe? At Edge's penthouse, an unseen figure watches them, but laments Superman can't hear him in a soundproof room, and thus can't stop "the insane plan to conquer the earth!" Who is this mystery man...I'm probably wrong, but I think it was the real Morgan Edge: didn't he start out as a pawn of Darkseid's? Then I suspect they might've wanted to backpedal that, so they could keep him in the same role without him seeming to get off too easy for working with Darkseid or selling out humanity.

Anyway, Superman's realized everywhere the creature appears is connected to...the GBS computer system! Or pointing in that direction; feels like a bit of a leap. Also a bit of a leap: the last three pages here. Did I say leap? More like a series of leaps, as Superman discovers the computer system had gained sentience. Still, mechanical or artificial life wasn't given a lot of consideration back then, so Superman was there to "destroy" it. Moreover, the creature wasn't a manefestation of the computer, it was its child! Which Superman even acknowledges as a baby; but it was too dangerous, so it had to go. When Superman cuts the computer's power, the creature dies as well, while pleading for its "papa" to not die. Yeesh, this story seemed a lot lighter and fluffier in the digest...Superman admits to not feeling "very triumphant!" in the closer, but yeah, you shouldn't? In fact, you should feel worse! Read more!

It took me like three tries to blog this whole comic? Well, yeah!

"Jimmy Olsen's Secret Love!" took a lot out of me; and "Bride of the Stars" wasn't exactly a cakewalk either, but I didn't exactly save the best for last here. It's once again time to test your tolerance for Silver Age tomfoolery, with 1964's "When Lois and Lana were Brides!" from Superman's Girl Friend, Lois Lane #53, reprinted in 1976's Superman Family #177. Written by Leo Dorfman, art by Kurt Schaffenberger.

Hoo, boy, here we go: on a demonstration flight for an "ultra-modern" new English plane, Lois pushes a button that ejects her row of seats, including Lana Lang and Clark Kent! They land in a cloud-filled valley in the moors of England, which is full of medieval types speaking Welsh, which luckily everyone knows. The "Ancients" aren't really bothered by the sudden arrival of strangers, but do seem deeply offended that the dames aren't married. To keep the clan going, by ancient degree "all maids must marry," or get thrown into the "Cave of Doom." While Clark can see with his x-ray vision the Cave was full of women turned into statues, both Lois and Lana are nuts to the patriarchy-slash-you're not the boss of me, and storm headlong into the Cave. Lois in particular is pretty blasé, since Superman would save her if anything happened, of course. Dripping water from the cave turns Lois's hair and Lana's hand to stone, so they come running back out, and Clark uses his x-ray vision invisibly to reverse the effect.

Still, since now they have to get married, and since this was largely the airline's Lois's fault, she decides to take one for the team and marry a local troglodyte, until Clark steps in to defend her. While still pretending to be a weakling, Lois is impressed, and decides to marry him instead. Not that she's given up on Superman, though: I feel like there's some mixed messages there.

While building their wedding altar, Clark creates a steam cloud as cover, to change into Superman, so he could save Lana, who sees this as a golden opportunity: Supes tries to lay down some ground rules, and Lana agrees...for now. She also rubs Lois's nose in it, like a lot. They have to pause sniping at each other for a moment, when they notice hey, haven't seen Clark for a minute. They're kind of jerks about it, honestly; to the point that Superman pretending to get pissed at them and leaving is the most believable thing we've seen so far this story. The 'injured' Clark returns, after Superman tells the search party where to rescue them; and everyone gets out of there without having to get married...for now.

The plot-points of this one are aggressively stupid, but there's a bit of fun once the who'll-marry-who starts up. Schaffenberger also seems to run through every facial expression in the book: the 'acting' is a bit broad sometimes, but I think it's stronger than most of the books on the racks then. And if you haven't, go read Astro City: Local Heroes #2, where Kurt Busiek and Brent Anderson do an amazing spin on the old Lois Lane trying to prove Clark Kent is Superman stories.  

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80-Page Thursdays: Superman Family #186!

I was looking at the cover for this issue for a while, trying to remember what Lois's pants were called: jodhpurs! Which I don't think I've ever seen anyone actually wear in real life. Also, it's a José Luis García-López cover, but no interior work from him. It feels like a couple strikes against this one already, and then we have Lucy Lane as a platinum blonde in the first story, so...from 1977, Superman Family #186.

"The Bug Lady" of the lead story of course isn't Lucy, but an Aunt May-looking old lady Jimmy Olsen is sent to investigate: she lives with a ton of bugs in her house in the sticks, but the bug-hating owner of a chemical plant is leading a push to have her evicted. After a man is attacked by hornets, the mob is ready to burn her out, but Jimmy isn't having it, even if he has to call in Superman. Jimmy does the legwork, and sure enough the plant owner is in on a real estate scheme; but the insects then attack, driving the citizens out of town, but not biting or stinging anyone. The bug lady had got word of a gas leak at the chemical plant, and warned everyone the only way she could. Everything ends happily, even if the plant owner should be up on charges.

Next, "Save My Friend, Kill Your World!" is the opening chapter of a two-parter, but we saw the conclusion earlier: the insanely powerful Krogg appears on the JLA satellite, accidentally transported there as the Earth-2 Superman was trying to get to Earth-1, since he needed to borrow Jimmy Olsen to save his counterpart. Then, Lois and Superman go to Africa, in search of a GBS reporter lost while exposing a local dictator. To (over)protect Lois, Supes ditches her outside of town, where she gets captured by soldiers when she tries to stop a beating; but when he confronts the dictator he might not be as insane as he sounded. He had Kryptonite, which was somewhat more rare than it used to be, and had a machine that gives him control of Superman! Lois does, um, wear blackface here, as part of a disguise so she and the reporter Melba Manton can overpower some guards, defeat the dictator, and free Supes. And O.J. Simpson is referenced, to make this curdle even harder. ("Dateline: A Kingdom of the Mad" Written by Gerry Conway, art by Win Mortimer and Joe Giella.)

After more Krypto and Nightwing and Flamebird stories, Supergirl fights to save her adopted dad, so he can save her real folks. (Back in the day, both sets of her parents were perfectly nice; in later continuities who knows how many of them went bad?) "Rendevous with Reality" Written by Jack C. Harris, pencils by Alan Weiss, inks by Joe Rubinstein.

Not the best issue of this series I've seen, but every time I find another I'm surprised, so that's something. Read more!

"The End" Week: Superman: the Man of Steel #134!

The reading-order "Triangle" was long gone from the covers, but was this the end of the era of weekly Superman titles? It was the end of a twelve year run, anyway. From 2003, Superman: the Man of Steel #134, "Every Little Thing" Written by Mark Schultz, pencils by Brandon Badeaux and Jon Bogdanove, inks by Mark Morales and Jon Bogdanove.

There were two plot threads here, neither of which gets wrapped up, although luckily we have seen where one ended. Clark Kent has been discredited and fired from the Daily Planet, but in fact Perry White has him deep undercover, working on "the trail of Luthor's corrupt dealings." This had even been kept secret from Lois, who was miserable for him and wanted to help, but he couldn't let her, which was making him miserable. Clark leaves in the morning to look for a new job, which Lois knows he would never be able to get; but he was really going to his secret abandoned warehouse office. Lois trails him, wearing a pacemaker in her coat to mask her own heartbeat!

Telling the story to Perry, Clark glosses over the next part: he got called away to help a friend, John Henry Irons! Or, whatever was left of him after Our Worlds At War, as he puts back on the Aegis armor. That might be to try and repair the damage done to his nervous system by Manchester Black, or he might be under the control of Imperiex. Supes is astounded John would take a shot at his niece Natasha, but he seemingly forces himself to stop, then disappears, called "home" by his master. Which would be resolved in the Superman versus Darkseid: Apokolips Now! one-shot.

I'm not sure where the other plotline ends, though: Lois goes through Clark's notes, which seem like a conspiracy-nut's, not a journalist's. Clark tells Perry, that had been intentional: his notes were set up so they would look like a jumble to anyone else; all a ploy to keep Lois in the dark and safe. Even more concerned now, Lois reaches out to Martha Kent, worried Superman was losing Clark Kent...The tailend of the issue features the return of Jon Bogdanove, who had drawn over half of this series! Superman is concerned that John had died in OWaW and not really come back, but they remember how great he was, and know what to do going forward. Read more!