Tuesday, August 29, 2023

At least she was old enough that this wasn't "Child-bride of the Stars."

I was furious when I got to the third feature in this issue, because I couldn't believe DC would reprint "Jimmy Olsen's Secret Love!" again. Better taste must've prevailed: they didn't reprint it again, I just never got around to blogging the rest of this issue, until buying another copy the other day...From 1976, Superman Family #177, featuring "Bride of the Stars" Plot by Cary Bates, script by Elliot S! Maggin, art by Kurt Schaffenberger.
Several years ago, on a distant planet, a child was born under apparently a good star, with a "star-mate" born at the same time: if they were to marry, they were prophesized to be unstoppable. Today, an as-yet blissfully-unaware Supergirl is on her way to Kandor to visit her folks, only to discover the locks have been changed, and they don't know her anymore. In fact, in Kandor she can't find any record of a Kara Zor-El or Supergirl. While she feels like an orphan again, and I agree it's a downer, it also seems like that sort of thing happens to her sometimes? It's a little worse than them forgetting her birthday, but still. Supergirl doesn't get too much time to mope about it, as the observatory nearly burns down, in a fire set to lure her out; by a curly-headed lout with a grab-bag full of powers, who claims she's his "star-mate!" Yick.
The lout's name was Ranar, and he introduces himself as a "Hakawee," in a longwinded story about meeting Kara's parents shortly after Krypton blew up. And they seemed to prefer a death by Kryptonite poisoning or exile in the Phantom Zone to a 'rescue' by Ranar, which should tell you something. Ranar's powers also include mansplaining astrology, and stealing her powers with a "mystic rod." Those doodads usually have better names...Kara ditches him, then hides out in her secret identity, but Ranar puts a dome over town to keep her from escaping. Worse, Kara remembers what she heard about the Hakawee--wait, don't Kryptonians have super-recall? Wouldn't she have known this instantly? Well, it's for our benefit, anyway: the Hakawee were space barbarians, powerful, with no sense of right or wrong. The Kryptonians seem to have an instinctual revulsion to them, which was probably a bit elitist, but they do suck, so...Kara realizes her folks must've been trying to cover for her, like telling a jerk caller their daughter had moved, but no dice.
Using power he had already drained from Supergirl, Ranar puts the townspeople under his control, and starts dressing them up like him. (Fortunately, he apparently doesn't have time to give everyone perms.) Kara tries to pretend to be hypnotized, but the rod calls her out; and even when she gets it away from him he's still able to use it. Afraid of the mesmerized locals getting hurt, Kara agrees to yield; if Ranar will release them, and give her an hour to say goodbye to earth. Ranar had no honor or loyalty, but knew she did, and that he could use it against her; so agrees. But, on the flight to the Hakawee planet, Ranar realizes his stars have changed: bonding with Supergirl would be a disaster, now. He releases her, not noticing Kara's smirk: she had slapped a small planet together out of space debris, and used it to block one of the stars, ruining his astrological chart. It didn't appear to actually give him power; but maybe the fact that he thought it would did something? Also, Kara just lets that jerk go; he kinda needed to be sent to space jail. But, she wanted to see her folks, who of course are thrilled to have her back. 

This probably isn't right, but it feels like these Supergirl stories in Superman Family were evenly split between fights with jelly-jealous vixen types, or super-douchebros who wanted the most amazing woman in the universe to get in the kitchen and make them a sandwich. Like, one or the other; Rao forbid there be a story with just a bank robber who liked cash or something. Ugh, there's one more (reprint) story this issue; and it's going to hurt. Later.

1 comment:

Mr. Morbid's House Of Fun said...

Why do I feel like "Child Bride of The Stars" wouldn't be an automatic show series a channel like TLC or Fox back in the early 2000's would stepover homeless people in the street to make?
Seriously, I can see a series being called that being made by one of those douchy-ass reality tv-obsessed channels. I remember the good old days of cable, back when the History Channel and TLC stood for actually trying to educate you & expand your mind, not actively rot & kill your brain cells because it's trendy & profitable.

Anyhoo...

This Ranar guy, what with his mansplaining and using his rod to steal powerful female's powers form them sounds like an ideal Republican presidential candidate for the GOP if you ask me. They'd LOVE him!

He also comes across as extremely rapey & just plan toxic.
The scene where Kara's hair is all a mess after fighting w/ him only to give into to his demands for the sake of protecting those innocents definitely feels like battered spouse syndrome to me.

He DEFINITELY should've went to space jail because he'd either A). Realize Kara tricked him & would come back even more super-aggressive & rapey with his special space rod, or B). He'd just pull this schtick on some other hapless super-powered female.

Also, on one really address the fact on whether or not Kara and Ranar are really a true unbeatable power couple or if it was just bogus astrology talk.
Because, god forbid, they somehow DID wind up together, then what?