I'm not saying they all need to Crypt Keeper it up, but Destiny is far from my favorite horror comics host. I think he's intended to give the stories a little more gravitas, but that might not have been the angle to take with all of these stories, anyway. From 1980, Secrets of Haunted House #26, featuring "Elevator to Oblivion" Written by Valerie Owens, art by Amado Castrillo; "Last Train to Eternity" Written by George Kashdan, pencils by Charles Nicholas, inks by Vince Colletta; and "Mikey's Friend!" Written by J.M. DeMatteis, pencils by Charles Nicholas, inks by Armondo Gil. Cover by Marshall Rogers.

In "Elevator to Oblivion," a jealous cancer researcher plots to kill his twin brother, so he can get a heart transplant. He succeeds, but his brother turns the murder weapon back on him to take it back! "Last Train to Eternity" features an engineer given the boot by the railroad when he hits retirement age, but a mysterious stranger offers him a job with his railroad: this is one that could be a horrible fate if told slightly differently, but is pretty much a happy ending here.

Lastly, "Mikey's Friend!" is the old imaginary friend turned real killer story; although DeMatteis does try to put a spin on the end. Mikey's friend looks creepier on the cover though, where he appears to have...a massive crotch eye? So he can see where he's going--alright, enough of that. Read more!

Look, I honestly can't tell you this isn't how cricket is played.

Da-da-de-de-da-da-da-dum...He wasn't my favorite as a kid; I think I enjoy Foghorn Leghorn cartoons more now. Maybe I relate to him finally: frankly idiosyncratic sense of humor; lazy, I say, lazy as the summer day is long; long-winded over-stuffed nattering son-of-a--hey! From March 2022, Looney Tunes #264, reprinting "Field of Screams" Written by Frank Strom, pencils by Leo Batic, inks by Mike DeCarlo; reprinted from 2000's Looney Tunes #67, but you could also find it in 2012's Looney Tunes #209!

Although it's been running since 1994, I'm not sure how much new material the series generates, but then again, maybe it doesn't have to! The lead feature, Bugs/Daffy wrestling number "Crush Test Dummies" might be new; but the second feature is a reprinted Tweety and Sylvester story, "Medal Madness," that like "Field of Screams" has probably been reprinted a couple times already! "Crush Test Dummies" is not quite as good as classic Bugs Bunny wrestling cartoons, which isn't as good as Ren & Stimpy's "Mad Dog Hoek." Oh, let's be honest, little is as good as "Mad Dog Hoek." Read more!

"Bound."

I did not think Howard was going to be in more than one strip! Hmm. Funny what'll happen as you randomly string things together week by week. Could he become a regular...yes and no.

It really feels like Tigra should be more popular: I'm sure with the right casting, she'll fit right into the MCU, even though they appear to have burned off Hellcat. It also feels like Tigra should be a bigger name in-story in the 616: she was an Avenger, on both coasts. And ridiculously hot. What do people make of her, though? Do they assume she's just an ordinary woman, in a costume? Or are her attributes (not like that!) more widely known because of her public status as an Avenger? That makes me think of Busiek and Perez's Avengers #10, where the team's fans turn out for a parade, and we briefly see a guy cosplaying Beast campaigning for his return to the team. (Cutaway to the X-Men watching at home: "Forget it. He's ours.") I think people would be like that all the time in the 616, maybe we just don't see it.

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Aah, traumatic memories! Finally, ironic comeuppance!

I wasn't overly impressed with this comic, since I thought what kind of 'joke' is faking your death? Then I remembered, I, um, did the same to my little sister when I was a kid, with a tube of fake blood and an old rusty knife we found. My only defense is, I don't think it was my idea, but I went along with it all right. Scared the hell out of her; less because of the thought of losing her beloved brother, than "ick, a corpse." Ah, there's a blast from the past to make me feel like an ass; thanks, Twilight Zone #81! (From 1981, featuring "No Joking Matter," art by Luis Dominguez; "The Rich Little Man," art by Dan Spiegle; and "Heart of Stone," art by Juan Ortiz. No story credits.)

Well, just like the prankster in the lead story, I learned my lesson about practical jokes (EDIT: No, I didn't.) and I wonder if I could've avoided the predicament of "The Rich Little Man," as a railroad tramp catches a leprechaun and demands to be taken to his treasure. Yeah, it doesn't roll like that; it's more like a bizarro job interview for making "brogue shoes," which leprechauns make for reasons? But, enh, it's work, man.

More fun: "Heart of Stone," where Travis Morgan-lookalike Uncle Virgil talks to the statue he sculpted like it's going to come to life, to the amusement of his golddigging niece and her husband. He's had enough of them, and plans to cut them out of his will, so they plot to hoodwink him into thinking his statue did come to life, then murder him. Their plot involves the niece dressing up as the statue he loves; that's like a terducken of weird issues there. Luckily, someone is looking out for Virgil...the statue, yeah.

Also this issue: a Spider-Man Hostess Cup Cakes ad I don't think I had seen before; and a very nice Star Trek house ad for Gold Key's collections.

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If you find the rest of the series in the long box but not this one, I got there first!

I won't buy it every time, but if it's a cheap copy? Yeah, buying it again! From 1984, Crystar #6, "Demon" Written by Jo Duffy, pencils by Ricardo Villamonte, inks by Dave Simons. The best cover by Michael Golden!

Weirdly, while I know I had the first and third issues for sure, I don't think I got a copy of this one until much later, although I suspect I might've read it in-store. Nightcrawler guest-stars this issue, gets more panel time than in like a year of Uncanny X-Men, and is of course just the coolest. After a session in the Danger Room (where we hear the Professor, but don't see him or any of the other X-Men) Kurt gets dressed up for a date with his girlfriend Amanda. Although it hadn't come up in a while and she was semi-retired, she was a pretty decent sorceress, and had been trying to follow up on a weird magical feeling she had experienced lately: too late, she warns Kurt, maybe don't teleport near the space rift...

Kurt gets zapped to Crystalium...that is a terrible name for a planet. Oh, like 'earth' is that great. He hides out as two local farmers walk their dragon, but is then spotted by the youngest crystal warrior, Stalax, who thinks he must be a Chaos demon. While Crystar and his men search for the 'demon,' Kurt is taken in by Moltar and his lava men, who assume he's on their side. Lava babe Lavour gives Kurt the tour, and confides that Moltar and his wizard Zardeth are probably sweating the idea that he's there to replace them. (EDIT: Lavour had dated first one brother, then the other; she was conniving, greedy, and calculating. So, basically the book's Veronica.)

Stalax finds Kurt's clothes, since he changed into his usual costume after arriving; and Crystar recognizes them as earth garments: maybe it's not a Chaos demon after all. But, the crystal girl wizard Ika gets captured by the lava men, who plan to kill her, and Kurt doesn't hold with that: he saves Ika, Crystar and company show up, and a bit of a scuffle ensues. Kurt teleports around to draw fire, and maybe showboat a bit, and the heroes get away safely. Ika is grateful at being saved, and offers to send Kurt back to earth...maybe later. Hours after disappearing, Kurt reappears at Amanda's, where she's a little miffed to recognize he had some gems from Ika! If Kurt talks his way out of that one, that's his real mutant power!

Checking out the racks that month, G.I. Joe #21 was also on sale; but I suspect my favorite was the first issue of the second Hercules mini-series. Chris Claremont would have still had a firm grip on the X-Men: X-Men/Micronauts #3 and New Mutants #13 would have been the only ancillary X-titles that month; but I wish Jo Duffy had gotten to do more with Nightcrawler. Read more!

This isn't why I never answer the phone, although I act like it is...

I know I always say I try to avoid buying issues I already have, and yet here we are. This one's still a favorite, though: from 1989, Power of the Atom #11, "Mightier Than the Sword!" Written by Roger Stern, pencils by Graham Nolan, inks by K.S. Wilson.

In the second Sword of the Atom special, when it looked like he was going to leave society forever, Ray Palmer gave his old size-changing belt to Paul Hoben; which was pretty charitable, considering Paul had had an affair with Ray's wife Jean Loring and broke up their marriage. I'm not 100% sure the belt was safe for extended use, come to think of it: never mind how dangerous shrinking would be to an untrained lawyer. Still, this issue Paul gets some use out of that thing, as he was worried the returned Ray was trying to get Jean back--he wasn't, although it had looked that way to both Paul and Ray's long-time assistant Enrica, who was crushing on him. Jean isn't thrilled to find her new hubby up to the crap that drove her away from her first one, while Paul thinks he has to confront Ray, "give him a taste of his own medicine." Which involves breaking and entering, assault and battery, vandalism, and attempted homicide!

Ray had finally gone to bed after examining the discarded Humbug body from the previous issue, then is awakened by a phone call, and a tiny-but-mighty punch in the jaw: Paul uses the belt, to travel through the phone lines, then attack Ray. Ray tries to take the high road, and lets Paul smash stuff in his lab until he starts hacking up the Humbug body, thinking it "some obscene new costume." Meanwhile, Jean tries to reconcile with Paul, but instead finds the phone off the hook, and realizes what he had done. Still in her nightgown and bathrobe, she takes off towards Ray's lab, but gets stopped by the cops, who don't buy her story. The fight continues to escalate: Ray had more control over mass and strength than he used to or that Paul could, so Paul needs an edge, and starts trying to kill him with some desk scissors. This turns into a tiny swordfight, as the scissors are broken and each gets a blade: Ray keeps holding back, telling Paul he was pushing his luck, until Ray has a flashback to his time in the jungle, kill-or-be-killed Sword days. He rallies and disarms Paul, but manages to refrain from killing him.

Jean is waiting at the police station, when Ray and Paul arrive; although Ray doesn't appear to be pressing charges. He does ask Jean to keep Paul home from now on, which might be less than he deserves but also still felt like rubbing his nose in it. Next month was guest-writer William Messner-Loebs and featured Paul again, but that subplot would be mostly wrapped up in a couple issues. Ray giving away his belt seems almost absurdly negligent--what if Paul sold it, or went full-on super-villain? In fact, later issues of this title hinged on the CIA trying to get tiny spies for themselves; why hadn't they gone after the belt? Much of Ray's history had been in a best-seller at that point, so it could've been findable. Or, did Ray give Paul the belt, almost knowing it would destroy him one way or another? Like giving him rope...I suppose the continuity may or may not have reset multiple times before then, but Paul would be out of the picture by the time Identity Crisis came around. I'm assuming he wasn't sucked into the Microverse or eaten by a spider or something, but couldn't tell you for sure. (I got mad at Identity Crisis on Twitter like a week ago; but I want to say the next issue of the series would be the last time Jean Loring would be seen for a really long time, and she was fine there.) Read more!

Told today, there'd probably be Super-Dictator apologists, fanboys, followers...

This was the second of a two-parter, and a memorable cover, but I still find it weird the Legion story this issue was longer! From 1969, Action Comics #381, "The Dictator of Earth!" Written by Leo Dorfman, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by George Roussos; and "The Hapless Hero!" Story and layouts by Jim Shooter, pencils by Win Mortimer, inks by Jack Abel.

Superman had committed massive feats of super-vandalism across the world, and considers taking his powers away with gold Kryptonite. Nah! Instead, he smashes the door to his own Fortress of Solitude, then all the flagpoles at the United Nations, putting up a massive super-flag! Then snaps back out of his super-dickery fugue. But, the trial that follows was a trick to catch the real culprits: a husband and wife team from the Superman Revenge Squad! They had put red Kryptonite in the telecom satellite Supes had recently put up; so him smashing the Fortress door was to lure them in. After catching them, he casually sends them back to their homeworld--where they'll be enslaved for life? That seems a bit much, but Supes seems to feel, hey, you join the Superman Revenge Squad, that's what you get!

"The Hapless Hero!" is maybe more interesting, although I'm not sure it had a long-term effect for the team: Matter-Eater Lad is down in the dumps--almost literally, since he lives in the slums of Metropolis with his parents subsisting on his Legion "living allowance." His mom seems a nervous sort, perhaps exacerbated by the dad's gambling habit and crappy attitude. Returning to Legion HQ, M-E Lad finds Shrinking Violet on duty, and also depressed: her long-distance relationship with Lallor's Duplicate Boy was grating on her. Impulsively, M-E Lad asks her out, and kind of blows his check on her: the date goes pretty well, up until the good night kiss when Duplicate Boy shows up in a literal poof! Despite the fact that Duplicate Boy could copy any super-powers and was "a billion times more powerful" than Matter-Eater Lad, M-E Lad still stands up to him: cringing wouldn't do him any good, and if he got beat up, that would only make Violet hate Duplicate Boy. But, everything wraps up really quickly, as Violet still loves Duplicate, and the next day M-E Lad's parents send him a letter (he'd only been gone that evening!) that the dad had quit gambling. Just one thing: what did they need to spend money on? They didn't need groceries, they could eat anything! Ugh, I'm going back to bed. Read more!

"Embarrassed."

Is Thunderbolts code too simple? Is it basically "let's be the team that supports each other"? It may also be a lot like 'shotgun' and depend almost entirely on who called it first. Also, while I don't think I watch a ton of crime or heist movies, I don't like ones where the 'heroes,' as in the crooks, fail or get caught either because they're the 'bad' guys and 'crime doesn't pay,' or simply because one or more of the gang just can't help being a rat and ruins it for everybody. (I watched, inexplicably, A Twist of Sand on Paramount+ a couple months ago. It had Honor Blackman from Goldfinger! It was sort of a heist movie, but more man vs. nature than man vs. the law or whatever; but the ending could largely have been avoided by maybe not betraying anyone? Just a tip.) Read more!

There were 25 "Legends of the Dead Earth" annuals, and so far we've blogged, um, maybe 7? But, helluva lineup on this one: from 1996, Supergirl Annual #1, featuring "The Surrogate" Written by Chuck Dixon, pencils by Ron Wagner, inks by Bill Reinhold; "The Legend Lives On" Written by Barbara and Karl Kesel, layouts by Dick Giordano, finishes by George Perez; and "Shootout at Ice Flats" Written by Joe Lansdale and Neal Barrett Jr, pencils by Robert Teranishi, inks by Stan Woch. 

The legend of Supergirl lives on in the far-flung future, even if it has combined aspects of various versions: Kryptonian, protoplasmic matrix, angel, what-have-you. In "The Surrogate," a young woman is forced into high-tech slavery; her mind irreversibly linked to remote-control a mining robot. But she transfers her mind and spirit to her "tooljerk" and upgrades its look, frees others, and then destroys her captors before heading off into space, indestructible and forever. A surprisingly affecting tale, I thought. Also, it's impressive that she's able to give herself an 'S,' I would've accidentally made myself a Bizarro.

After a big heist, an all-girl criminal gang finds one of their own dead, in "The Legend Lives On," and the victim carved an 'S' in the floor before dying, as a warning to the others. Could Supergirl be among them? One argues, there's no such thing; but another thinks, that's exactly what Supergirl would say! This doesn't go great for them.

Lastly, "Shootout at Ice Flats" features the local schoolmarm-slash-sheriff, who's going to face a showdown with the local ruffians. Her mom gives her an 'S' charm, that might give her the power of...Sardine Girl? Maybe! A fun bit of nonsense, with an interesting look; like most of the "Dead Earth" stories.

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We saw the Iron Man vs. Alien riff of Iron Man #237 a while back; but as a title Warheads was tailor-made for bughunts. So, why not get Iron Man in there for one too? From 1992, Warheads #3, "Metamorph!" Guest-written by John Freeman, guest art by Geoff Senior.

Feels a little early for a guest crew, as well as a guest-star: readers would've barely had any time with the regular crew or cast yet. (Actually, the book's designer Gary Erskine had already left! He wouldn't be back in this run.) That said, maybe Geoff Senior should've got an Iron Man, as he does a great job on the current suit, the model 9, which I've seen referred to as "neo-classic" or "coffee-can," for the style of boots! (Looking it up, Senior would do a couple issues of War Machine later.) Nick Fury calls on Tony Stark, to examine captured Mys-Tech weaponry; Tony does so, and at first glance it shouldn't work. Tony keeps it to himself, but suspects this could be related to Justin Hammer stealing his tech again, which tied into current continuity: Tony was also dying of a nervous system disorder. Fury had discovered a team of Warheads was headed for Central America, and with his new hologram disguise tech, Tony flies down to check it out.

Tony eavesdrops on the Warheads, as they set up for a dimensional jump: a lot of their stuff was mystic-based, so I think they were in South America because this was ley-line based. Colonel Liger's regular Kether Troop was short-handed due to deaths and injuries, so they had more subs than usual, including mouthy tech support Grierson. Figuring they wouldn't notice if his behavior was off, Iron Man stuns Grierson, and holographically disguises himself to take his place on the mission. The Warheads are then sent via wormhole, across the galaxy, to try and salvage tech from a downed spaceship. "Grierson" and Peters are attacked by weird blobs and separated from the others: Tony realizes whatever that thing was, it was only trying to scan him; but Peters panics and tries to shoot his way out and is killed. The other Warheads fight their way through the ship, with an eye out for any tech they could maybe swipe, and find first cocoons with aliens in stasis, then weird copies of the Warheads attack.

Outside, Tony watches the blobs trying to absorb and scan the local wildlife, then gets attacked by one of the sub Warheads, who thought he was a robot sentry or something. The telepathic/precog Misha tries to warn her, but she is killed by the ship's defenses; so Misha teams up with Tony, since her "voice" tells her today they're on the same side. Today, anyway...Rejoining the rest of the squad, they start to put the puzzle together: the aliens didn't have anything like terraforming equipment, because they worked the other way: the ship would alter the alien colonists to survive in the local conditions. Or it should; the ship's programs seemed to have gotten crossed. Misha and Tony confront the alien computer and 'reset' it. The Warheads escape with some stolen goodies, and only Misha had seen that "Grierson" was Tony, which she keeps to herself. The real Grierson wakes up, confused why Colonel Liger was telling him great job on the mission; but that's written off as typical head-trauma for one of their jobs. 

A little beat-up, Tony manages to get home, with maybe a little intel for Fury: their tech was mostly magic, not swiped from him. And the Warheads might be dangerous, but whatever they were facing could be worse...

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