"Possum."

The AoA Kurt maybe didn't get the best deal in his time on the 616: everyone wanted him to be the old Kurt; myself probably included. So far, I don't think he held it against regular-Kurt; since he probably had some prejudices himself: "Ja, we had one of them too. What a tool." 

Also, Skye and D.H. have probably been walking in circles for who knows how long? It isn't like Death's Head is gonna get tired. Bored maybe, but not tired.

You shouldn't use the title "Fin Fang Doom!" unless Fin gets a metal mask!

From 2013, AAFES 15th Edition [Iron Man] #15, "Fin Fang Doom!" Written by William Harms, pencils by Tom Grummett, inks by Cory Hamscher.

This is the third AAFES/U.S. military promo comic we've seen here: Grummett had also done art for the Thor issue, and we saw Captain America's a couple months back. (Again, I got these all from the same shop's dollar bins, although not at the same time!) An illegal drilling operation from Roxxon wakes up Godzilla Fin Fang Foom, who then starts tearing up Seattle. (Fin's arm is distinctly different than Godzilla's!) Iron Man--in the slick but not often seen black-and-gold armor--tries a trick that worked before, dusting Fin with "isaria cirada," although I'm not sure where he pulled that out of. It also doesn't work, so Tony asks Pepper to research why; while he and Rhodey--in the Iron Patriot armor, which I kind of hate, although I think you're supposed to--keep Fin busy.

Pepper discovers, Fin had built up a resistance to the herb, and it would take a massive dose to stop him. A pressurized deployment device is prepared, but three soldiers have to ride in with it to activate it, which also involves fixing it midstream. Fin gets gassed, and Tony has him taken back to his underwater trench.

A fun little one-shot: I liked the Cap one better, but still good. 

Today: Conan vs. more Body Snatchers.

About a dozen years back, we checked out Conan the Barbarian #41/Conan Saga #78, wherein Conan met a disturbing pod-girl. Today's book takes the Invasion of the Body Snatchers riff up another notch! From 1987, Savage Sword of Conan #139, "The Garden of Blood" Written by Charles Dixon, pencils by Gary Kwapisz, inks by Ernie Chan. Cover by Joe Jusko!

Conan had hooked back up--figuratively and literally--with the pirate Valeria, at least for the short-term: there wasn't a lot of continuity between issues in Savage Sword, but the next issue mentions him jumping ship. Partly because Valeria could be a bit crazy even for Conan, but she (or maybe just the sea) also brought back painful memories of his late, lamented Belit. Valeria returns to her ship, the Sea Fox, but has Conan hold back, since she knows there will certainly be at least a couple mutinous dogs that have to be put down, which Conan does by bow. (Alternately, I think just showing up with Conan shuts down a lot of noise.) Their fun is rained on by a pursuing Aquilonian warship, but they set it on fire soon enough.

Still, the pirates do get a bit of a surprise, with a new island that wasn't there before. Going ashore for water and supplies, they instead find poisonous fruit, and weird milk-filled vines. The island doesn't seem to have birds or animals either, but first Conan and later Valeria seem to feel like they were being watched. Later, a guard is lured away, by a naked woman, but he is then grabbed by naked, silent men, who take him to a horrible plant-thing. His death is pretty awful, even for a Conan comic; and a pod then disgorges a copy of him. Back on the ship, the sailor that unwisely ate the local fruit looks old and shriveled, and Valeria decides they'll be leaving as soon as the last men return from the island. She need not have waited, though, as they get killed by the pod-guard, and his creepy weird feeder hands. The pod people silently walk into the water, to attack the Sea Fox.

Conan and Valeria are interrupted in bed again, as the crew is having a hard time with the pod people: simple stabbing wouldn't kill them, they had to be mostly dismembered. With more of them coming, Valeria orders to hoist anchor and try to drift away, but vines from the island grab them. Conan fights his way to the globes of oil they had used against the warship, then sets the vines on fire. Now frenzied and screaming, the pod people were fighting even harder, the Sea Fox was on fire, even Conan seems to be wondering if there was a way out of this one, and Valeria is like, enh, at least I'll die on the sea beside Conan, so...

They get a lucky break, from what would usually be misfortune: the Aquilonian warship catches up to them, ramming the ship, perhaps not noticing the vines or the fire or the raging battle. The remaining pirates jump ship, intending to take it, and as they pull away the Sea Fox and the monstrous vines explode! The pirates should be outnumbered, but they had managed to free the galley slaves, who also turn against the Aquilonians, who are forced to replace the slaves on the oars. A close one, but Conan and Valeria come out of it with a better ship, so...

Also this issue, King Kull and trade tariffs, in "The Caravan," written by Charles Dixon, art by Fraja Bator. A merchant tries to take his caravan off the usual trail, to avoid paying King Kull's taxes; and instead gets ambushed by bandits. Kull and his forces save him, which is largely incidental to wiping out the bandits: Kull himself had once been one himself, and knew all the tricks. The merchant protests, but Kull knows the score, and the merchant tells his grandson Kull was still a bandit, just one with a crown and an army now. Is it still a protection racket, if you legitimately supply protection?

Happy Birthday, Justice!

I thought this issue was going to fall under my "three times" rule, since, um, I'd bought it twice from separate dollar bins in the last month or so; but I'm not sure I had this issue when it came out! Which is weird, since I had a subscription at some point, and I remember the cover, but that might be from the New Universe house ads. It is memorable, you have to give it that. From 1988, Justice #22, "Hide and Seek" Written by Peter David, pencils by Lee Weeks, inks by Mike Gustovich.

We mentioned some time back how the first fourteen issues of this series were retconned, because somebody decided the fantasy elements weren't in keeping with the New Universe's mission statement of "the world outside your window." Instead of being Tensen, a "justice-warrior" from a magical land; he was now John Tensen, an undercover narcotics agent and paranormal who spent the better part of a year tripping his head off, his mind warped by another paranormal, Daedalus Darquill. Oh, yeah, like that name spells world-outside-your-window...This issue, after being captured and drugged at a Live-Aid style concert for victims of "the Pitt" disaster (not that one, Timmy! Or that one either.) John was again in la-la land, seeing the world as a Dungeons & Dragons medieval hodgepodge: he takes down a police helicopter, seeing it as a dragon with mounted riders. In remembrance of his beloved "Endolina," who may or may not have existed, I don't recall; John refrains from killing, using his shields to keep the fallen "dragon" from crashing down hard.

Meanwhile, back at the police station, where John had blown a hole through the building in escaping; the cops, the army, and the National Security Council are getting into a pissing match over jurisdiction, while also not making any effort to search for the escaped "justice killer." John had killed a lot of bad guys, sure; but I'm not sure how many they would be able to pin on him: not because he was crazy at the time, but he usually disintegrated his victims, so...no habeas corpus, right? John's college age daughter Angela is there as well, as well as the psychic Playback, and the perpetually sniffly Mr. Pasko. As night falls, John gathers with some bums around a fire: their bully of a leader tries to shoot him, but John's shields bounce the bullet back, killing him. The other bums, who had been ordered to find more fuel for the fire, wonder how their boss would burn... 

Back at the station, John's lawyer had about had it with him, before realizing bricks from his escape landed on her car. Then, John shows up, thinking she was Endolina: she maces him a bit, which only makes him think she wasn't Endolina, and he takes off again, ranting at nothing. The lawyer bails, and we cut back to the bums, who receive another visitor, wearing a shirt like John did in his early issues, and carrying a flamethrower. Next issue for him! This next bit doesn't quite line up, but I see what they were trying to do: Playback sees the recent past, and the scene with John and the lawyer; but John's powers are such that he can see Playback watching him! Which isn't great for his already dubious mental state, but Playback knows what direction he took off in. Updike, the NSC man, wants to tranq John; Angela angrily points out drugs don't go well with her dad, and seemingly shouts him out of using it. The army gets there first, although John sees them as wolfmen, and their leader Col. Browning as Darquill. He tears through the soldiers, again showing mercy, although he doesn't intend to show any to Darquill...

Then, for little reason, John sees Angela as a hideous monster: I don't know if there's an in-story reason why? It could be he never wanted kids; or perhaps Darquill put that in him to make him turn on his loved ones. Trying to talk her dad down, Angela braves the danger and hugs him, snapping him back to reality, or closer to it. Updike does get to use his tranquilizer gun, though: on Col. Browning, to keep him from backshooting John, and probably Angela. (Browning may show up later, or in other New Universe titles: I think he had been Spitfire's government contact, and not a great guy.) Updike wants John for the NSC; but the story ends with the return of the bums, who gather up weapons and ammo from the downed soldiers, so they can go feed their fire? OK, that punchline didn't quite land, and the bum bits cut into Angela's monster-reveal, even if the cover sells it.

Also this issue: Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe-style entries for Justice, Playback, and baddie Seraph; the latter of whom I'm not sure had appeared yet! Also, the entries give birthdates, since another New Universe tenet would be the characters aging in real time; so Justice would be 75 today! Well, it's not like his hair's gonna go more white...wait, he would've been just shy of his 38th birthday when this issue hit the stands, but Angela's at least 18 and probably closer to 22? Not impossible, but it doesn't seem to add up! We'll close with that aforementioned house ad: the New U. was down to four regular books, and I think Star Brand was even bi-monthly. Although, Nightmask was still making guest-appearances; and the back cover has an ad for the upcoming the Draft, which would also feature him.

Beating up the Green Goblin, easy-peasy. Beating up the Green Goblin and a nonagenarian, wah, that's too hard!

His fists are so bony! And he smells like soup! This issue, Aunt May in the hospital is the free Bingo space, can Spidey fight his way out of a plastic bag, and not a reveal, but the prime suspect is crossed off; all this and more, from 1978, Amazing Spider-Man #179, "The Goblin's Always Greener...!" Written and edited by Len Wein, illustrated by Ross Andru, embellished by Mike Esposito.

It probably isn't the least-dignified death-trap Spidey's ever been stuck in, but this starts off with the Goblin already having him in the bag: a clear "polymer plastic!" Spidey says is stronger than steel (Mylar?) but he could be panicking, either from the air running out, or because he had to get to the hospital for Aunt May. Luckily for him, there's help at hand: a thug with a bazooka! OK, that was a surprise, coming into this somewhat cold; but the Goblin and Silvermane were facing off for control of New York's underworld, which apparently hinged on whoever caught Spidey and turned him over to the bosses? I guess there's worse ways to decide this stuff, so...The Goblin's glider is damaged, forcing him to retreat, and he drops Spidey, who busts out of the bag but still lands in a dumpster. The mobsters, somewhat dated even then but very dapper in their little suits and hats, are clearly overjoyed as they cuff Spidey and take him for a ride...for about a block, before Spidey recovers and kicks the crap out them, and their car.

Peter gets to the hospital, but Aunt May had already been taken into surgery. The Green Goblin arrives back at his hideout, where he monologues to a tied-up man with a bag over his head, reiterating the Silvermane plot, as well as how he couldn't stand to look at his hostage's face. Back at the hospital, Robbie Robertson shows up, because he's the coolest; but after Aunt May is out of the woods, J.Jonah Jameson calls him with a job for Peter: get some pictures of a riot over at Radio City Music Hall! Since Aunt May would be under for a while, Spidey gets there for a Silvermane/Green Goblin fight, already in progress. Silvermane had several gunsels with him, as well as some arm candy that was probably not a quarter of his age and had to be purely ornamental: I'm not looking it up, but pretty sure this issue predates Viagra. Although he gets held up when he trips over his girl, and was probably older than Aunt May, Silvermane puts up a good fight--this was well before he became a cyborg--and he does pull off a nice throw, hitting Spidey with the Goblin! But when the three of them are punching each other on the Goblin's glider, they all fall...

Meanwhile, back at the Goblin's hideout, his hostage manages to cut his ropes on a shard of metal, and removes the bag, revealing...Harry Osborn? Then who was this Green Goblin? And what would Harry do about it? The next issue would have the reveal, although I apologize, for indexing purposes the GCD links have spoilers! Also, I can't recall if that Green Goblin had the same treatment that gave the others super-strength; but I suppose he must have, or his head would get knocked off the first time Spidey actually hits him. (This is also why I can't for the life of me figure out why the current Spider-Man/Predator book is more than one issue: I know they probably don't want to show the Predator getting clowned on, but Spidey is way stronger, and the Pred wouldn't be able to sneak up on him! Unless they make up some nonsense reason to pad it.)

"Passing."

I'm mildly dismayed I was able to spell "gann josin" effortlessly...in 90's Avengers, the Black Knight was, possibly against his will, Sersi's special favorite--er, gann josin, her beloved soulmate, up until he wasn't. Like, for even less time than I would've figured: I would've thought Dane would've lasted until he started showing signs of age. (BTW, The Eternals movie does have Sersi and Ikaris as a couple, although I don't think they ever were in the comics, but the guys playing Ikaris and Dane are really similar, indicating Sersi has a type!) Sersi and Dane (and possibly Adam Warlock) were maybe the last people to see the Ultraverse, too. 

Despite being an altered timeline, the Age of Apocalypse was later seen as its own thing (Earth-295) but it and AoA Kurt were both apparently killed in the X-Termination crossover. Which I hated, but it did what it was probably meant to do; namely clearing the decks: every so often, Marvel will decide there's too many alternate versions of characters and try to pare things back to the core, then remember wait, guys like War Machine or Beta Ray Bill are actually cool...It's kinda the same way DC will every few years be like "no, Hal Jordan is Green Lantern, and that's it," and that'll last like five months before everyone remembers why they liked the other GL's. Anyway, despite being supposedly gone, like so many other timelines it was seen again in Secret Wars, but in an altered form, as Magneto was married to Emma Frost instead of Rogue...for reasons? And AoA Iceman was alive again, despite being one of AoA Kurt's sickhouse vengeance murders in Uncanny X-Force #24. 

So, we'll be playing pretty loose with the continuity, but honestly the sacrifice of AoA Kurt and his world was supposed to be noble but also vague enough to be reversible as needed. And the AoA is kind of like the Inhumans: all the writers have read the core texts, but not every little in-continuity story afterwards, so a lot of them contradict or step on each other. We just got that AoA Gambit figure; and I feel like we've seen him killed a couple times? Cloak might've got him once...

No Born Again today? Boo.

I've had Disney+ since like day one, on some cheap introductory offer that got progressively less cheap later, but I'm not sure it's ever been a huge value: sure, I can watch Avengers movies whenever, but I think I can count on my thumbs how many times they've had two new shows that I wanted to watch running new episodes at the same time. (To be fair, I'll watch new Doctor Who soon!) Still, I really did like Daredevil: Born Again, even though I was very disappointed at the end of episode 8, "Isle of Joy," that a creator or two didn't get their names in the thank-you section at the end. 

Spoilers after the break!  Read more.

In that episode, Bullseye--or rather 'Benjamin Poindexter,' since the show doesn't always use costumes or names--breaks out of prison; and he does it about the same way he did in this issue: from 1990, Captain America #372, "Sold on Ice!" Written by Mark Gruenwald, pencils by Ron Lim, inks by Danny Bulanadi.

This was the start of the bi-weekly serial "Streets of Poison," best remembered for Captain America on crack; but Mark Gruenwald was trying to reconcile how, in the "Just Say No" era, was it okay that Cap got his powers from drugs? And the answer is yes, of course it is, because he got those drugs as part of a complicated regiment administered and monitored by the finest doctors and scientists in the world at the time; it wasn't something he was peer-pressured into huffing out of a glass pipe in an alley. Cap ends the storyline after a blood transfusion, with the Super-Soldier Serum no longer in his blood; but Gruenwald himself would backpedal on that shortly: the changes the Serum made in Cap were more than just serum floating around his bloodstream. Yet, despite starting on an iffy premise, "Streets of Poison" is a banger, with the cracked-out Cap becoming increasingly deranged, a Kingpin vs. Red Skull fight, and guest-star Daredevil getting wrecked so hard he'd lose his memory in his own title! (Setting up another classic, building up to DD #290!) But, today we're here for Bullseye's escape:

Most of his introduction here, regards his specialized cell in an upstate prison: because he could throw about anything as a deadly weapon, precautions had to be taken, like him sleeping on a mattress cemented to the ground and forced to eat mush out of a bowl on the floor like a dog. Was it cruel and unusual punishment? Gruenwald mentions the ACLU trying to get him moved; but after a hunger strike, Bullseye "trips" and smashes his face into the wall of his cell. When the guards go to check on him, Bullseye spits one of his own teeth into a guard's eye! Even with a mangled mouth, his cruelty still shows, as he tells the guard "Haff no illusions. You're gonna die." It's a horrifying bit, that Bullseye would use later in "Streets," as he spits a false tooth at Crossbones to get out of a headlock. (Crossbones is a quality thug, but not in Bullseye's league, except up close!) I'm not sure if I've seen Bullseye spit teeth since; although he very likely could've in his Thunderbolts stint.

Lim and Bulanadi are at their best in this serial; but Gruenwald may have unintentionally sold ice, as a weight-lost supplement: tech doofus Fabian is described as having lost 30 pounds since the last time Cap had seen him! Sure, he was paranoid and weird now, but still. Anyway, they should have got a mention at the end of the episode; but I'll thank them here. 

Yes, Yap, I don't have a lot of friends my age, thank you.

Even though he'd get a full, if brief, series after this; I don't remember if this was received well. I feel like it wasn't ideologically pure enough, somehow, for actual anarchists; or maybe I just saw somebody grousing about it recently. Still, setting the hero up with the doubly-impossible mission of somehow changing society, when society has got freaking Batman enforcing the status quo, confirms failure is the only option. But, there are lessons to be learned from this one, like explaining about every poor person that goes against their own best interests and votes Republican. From 1997, Anarky #2, "Metamorphosis, Part 2: Revolution Number 9" Written by Alan Grant, pencils by Norm Breyfogle, inks by Joe Rubinstein.

Occasional Bat-villain Lonnie Machlin, Anarky, had by this point "fused the hemispheres of his brain together," vastly increasing his intelligence. He was working on a project that he thought would save the world, particularly from "priests, parasites, and politicians!" Part of his plan hinged on using quartz batteries to absorb mystic energies, and in the previous issue he had gotten some from Etrigan the Demon, nearly dying in the process. But Etrigan hadn't been able to tell Lonnie anything about the nature of evil; so next stop, Apokolips. As three escaped workers are about to be executed, Anarky teleports in, with his captured demon Blasfemy, and interrupts things; which draws the attention of Darkseid. Or, at least, "an avatar" of him: the guards are Omega Beam'ed for their failure, and the workers sentenced to report for "torture and death," which they do meekly. Through insolence and piquing Darkseid's interest, Anarky manages to wheedle a meeting with him; where he asks about evil. What was the point of Apokolips and all that suffering?

Darkseid does roll out the cliche "good and evil are only relative," which Anarky had expected; but Darkseid also demonstrates how he allows hope, just so he can crush it. He considers crushing Anarky as well, but does find him bold and intelligent; at least until Anarky tries to use his back-up teleporter to escape and fails miserably. (I think the same thing happened in Robin Annual #1, where his back-up plan also failed, leaving him up a creek.) Worse, Blasfemy breaks free from his control, but is nowhere near a match for even an avatar of Darkseid, and the demon is destroyed. Anarky knows he's done, but tells Darkseid he'll die knowing he was right; and Darkseid decides to let him live...perhaps so he could learn otherwise.

Before he goes, though; Darkseid shows him the escaped workers: they had been promoted, and were now overseers. Even though they were themselves covered with scars, that didn't seem to slow their whipping hands in the slightest, as they repeat the same slogans they used to be beaten with. This stuck with me, and I hate that page so much, because Darkseid's right: everybody thinks, someday they'll be the one with the whip, and then look out.

Darkseid returns Anarky to earth, but Anarky explains to his dog Yap, "Science is magic explained." He had absorbed more energy, and his plan was moving forward...Next issue, Batman beats the tar out of an orphan he didn't adopt! And, looking it up, Alan Grant really liked the original Anarky limited but not the ongoing, which he took just to get Breyfogle work. (Breyfogle was the Batman artist for years, until he just wasn't; I don't think DC did right by him.) Pre-New 52, Lonnie was crippled, and replaced with a more generically-villainous Anarky; because that's easier. He has appeared in the new continuity but scarcely a shell of the old version; and I'd say Anarky was past due for re-assessment: not unlike Poison Ivy, he may have been considered a villain but was in the right more often than not, if you can stand to look.

I may not have realized the glory of the Charleston Chew back then.

I thought I had one of these already--OK, maybe I do, but I don't think I mailed in wrappers for it. From 1993, the Avengers Collector's Edition #1, "Vibrant Alchemy!" Written by Pat Garrahy, pencils by Mike Gustovich, inks by Tom Palmer.

There were maybe a lot of these in the 90's, and I already realize I'm wrong in the title: I do have a few of the 1992 Marvel Collector's Edition, "brought to you by Charleston Chew!" Man, do I miss crap like that, mailing in wrappers or points. They aren't essential or anything, but this one at least looks like an Avengers comic proper, thanks to the Tom Palmer inks. And, it also ties into a classic and some modern continuity; as the Avengers fly out to Wakanda, where the Black Panther...is either engaged, or it's his anniversary? It's not clear, as his girl is already referred to as a queen, and it's not Storm, this was well before that. The team is asked to check their weapons, which I don't think ever happens, but it's just Cap's shield and the Black Knight's photonic sword; and it's so they can be immediately jumped by Diablo and the Masters of Alchemy. The latter had been the "Elements of Doom" in Avengers #188, and they were looking to add vibranium to their number. One of T'challa's men, Baru, sacrifices himself for his queen, to make up for "his failures" in or around Deathlok #25: he gets turned into Vibranium, but seemingly retains his personality; opting to stay that way to serve his people, possibly against his king's wishes. I'm guessing he's not seen again, but who knows?

This issue also features Taylor Madison, Hercules's serious girlfriend there for a bit: spoiler alert, that doesn't end swell.