"Is Superman too woke?" is a ridiculously stupid question that unfortunately dominated certain unsavory aspects of our news media when the new movie came out; but supposedly there was a similar right-wing push in the wake of Thunderbolts*, trying to hype up or redeem USAgent, an alternative to the liberal namby-pamby Captain America. Supposedly, I say: I heard that, but I'm not seeing it in three seconds of searching, and that's about as long as I care to look for right-wing crap. (BTW, Thunderbolts* was pretty good, but I don't think it did very well between backlash against the MCU and that everyone was waiting for the FF.) Of course, all of this is build-up for a book with USAgent next to me, that I hadn't read before, and I bet you haven't either! From 1993, Super Soldiers #3, "Old Acquaintance" Written by Lee Stevens and Michael W. Bennent, pencils by Andrew Currie, inks by Robin Riggs.

This is still another Marvel UK book, and it's weird as heck to see USAgent guest-star rather than Death's Head II: the latter was probably triple-booked, I suppose. Most of this issue is USAgent kicking the tar out of the series lead Hauer, but you pick it up pretty quickly: Hauer had been part of Britain's own Super-Soldier program, but he and his teammates had been betrayed by one of their own, Childs. (We see Childs briefly later in the issue, and I had thought he was another Marvel UK star, Killpower: he's extra buff, above the usual superhero physique.) Rescued from a cryotube by reporter Sarah Wilde, Hauer had been trying to find his lost teammates, and had just found the MIA Dalton in Vietnam, where he had been lost on mission. Dalton had, over time, shaken off the brainwashing he had been put through to keep him obedient, and decided to stay; embracing Buddhism and martial arts to contain the rage swings the Soldiers called "red moods." Dalton also claims to have been experimenting with astral projection; which was probably a seed planted for later issues, but it would be funnier if he was just dissociating really hard...

About then the USAgent arrives, having been ordered to bring in Hauer, and not having any love for the "commies" in Vietnam. Although Hauer offers to talk about it, that doesn't fly with John, and the fight is on. Over the course of the dustup, USAgent starts to maybe realize Hauer was on the level, and he had probably been lied to by Henry Peter Gyrich, but whatever: he'll just beat Hauer down, and sort it out later. This was also during the stretch where John was still talking to his dead parents; which, oddly, Childs knows: he mentions it while badmouthing USAgent to his boss. Although Hauer gets some good hits in--including piercing USAgent's shield with his adamantium knife--John was both stronger, and craftier, catching Hauer with a shield ricochet throw to the back of the skull. But, then USAgent has to fight back his urge to kill, which he does long enough for Childs and his "Squaddies" to show up and immediately go off-mission, murdering any local in their path.

Pretty traditional Marvel-misunderstanding fight, except that USAgent has the wrinkle of "just following orders." He was definitely going to team-up with Hauer next month, and with the bystanders getting shot up Dalton was probably going to get off the bench as well. We might see more issues of this later, but the series only ran eight issues.

I'm know Gruenwald, John Walker's creator, wrote the stories where he lost his parents; but he still spoke with them like they were alive for some time: I don't know if that was intended to build sympathy for a franky unsympathetic character, or if Gruenwald was suggesting the guys that act the hardest crack first... Read more!

"Beans."

I searched, but I don't think there's a Lego kit numbered 5439, although I like where C'hod's head is at.

Death's Head probably wouldn't really know about Cybertron's lost moon, but if anyone was going to...It's also a callback to ToyFare #8, "Clash of the Titans," where Mego Spidey loses a wrestling match--and subsequently, Twisted Toyfare Theatre--to his Famous Covers counterpart, who is about as funny as an uncut block of cheese.  

Anyway, organ grinders! I suppose they don't have to have monkeys, but that feels like decaf coffee or worse; like missing the whole point of the exercise. This may or may not have come up from Bugs Bunny in Hurdy-Gurdy Hare, or this banger of a B-side from Prince:   

I'm usually more hopeful for Star Wars stuff, and Andor was super-great, and I thought the Acolyte was trying to do something interesting, but really just continued the tradition that apparently most Jedis can block laser shots all the live-long day but are utterly useless against an opponent with a lightsaber. I guess I have more faith in Star Wars than in the resurgence of organ grinders? Which feels damning with faint praise, but...

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Over the years, I've blogged several issues of Thor from the stretch before Walt Simonson took over and revitalized the title with Thor #337. The book was facing cancellation, so Marvel, as it sometimes used to, took a chance and gave a creator a lot of leeway to turn it around. Now, between the end of the somewhat long and confused Celestial Saga in #300 and #337, those three years are considered a bit of a fallow period, a low point; although at least a few issues like #309 or #316 were solid superhero meat-and-potatoes reads. I liked them, anyway! Today's book is almost-but-not-quite in the same vein: it might be more running out the clock. From 1985, Action Comics #573, "The Sale of the Century!" Written by Craig Boldman, pencils by Kurt Schaffenberger, inks by Bob Oksner.

There's an ad for Crisis on Infinite Earths #7--that very cover!--this very issue! But that crying Superman feels far more modern, than this very Silver Age-style story. In fact, the villain--or 'villain,' more antagonist, or pain-in-the-ass--this month was originally from the Golden Age: con man J.Wilbur Wolfingham. He was a low-impact threat, more of a challenge: a non-violent grifter, although after years of normalized scams, swindles, and bold-faced lies I can't shake the feeling that Wolfingham should be beaten with a sack of oranges. (I always remember that from Jim Thompson's The Grifters, but it might be from the movie version!) Superman arrives mid-stream here, steamed that Wolfingham and his nephew/trainee Wormwood are the only people left on earth!

Trying to demonstrate the art of the confidence game, Wolfingham thinks he has an easy mark, in the form of a conveniently-appearing alien, who wears a costume reimescient of Colossal Boy's old outfit. (I maintain, that suit was dated when it came out!) Wolfingham pulls the old Brooklyn Bridge scam, and "sells" the alien the planet; but then the alien gives the human race the boot, digitizing them all into a storage cube, and evicting Wolfingham. The alien was going to flip Earth! God, I hate business. After Superman is brought up to speed, when the alien tries to pitch earth to a prospective tenant, Supes queers the deal with an ice cream rain and then a pepper storm: Wolfingham innocently explains, yeah, that sort of thing was always happening here. The alien doesn't buy it: who could live like that? But Wolfingham explains, it wasn't impossible, when you had your own 'genie,' Superman! (OK, the alien really should've recognized Supes there; he was universe-famous at that point!) The alien claims the 'genie,' as part of the larger purchase of earth; then takes off for another possible purchase to flip. Listening in, Superman realizes the alien travelled from world to world, victimizing con men: that way, if there was any blowback from local law, he could claim to be the injured party there.

Superman then stages danger--and stomach-churning rescues--for the alien; who returns to Wolfingham again, who plays it off as he was glad to be rid of the hazardous genie. The alien eventually wheedles Wolfingham into trading back, and takes off, suspecting he had been taken but just glad to be out of it. Everyone on earth is returned, none the wiser, and Superman explains, didn't Wolfingham wonder where the alien got the cash he paid him with? He had picked Wolfingham's pocket! (That seemed like a lot of cash to carry around, even for a grifter! Most people would notice a wheelbarrow full of cash being lifted off their person...) Still, Wolfingham ends up pretty much back where he started...except he still had the papers of ownership for earth.

Not a completely unfun little story, but it felt like it could've been on the racks ten, even twenty years prior to its publication date. And this was ten issues prior to the conclusion of Alan Moore's "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?" in Action #583 and then the John Byrne-reboot era. We looked at Action #571 some years back; and "Sale of the Century!" feels like a better constructed story, which makes me worry this might've been the high point for around then? Also this issue: an insert for Mask, and back-up story "If I Were Superman..." which felt slightly more modern: a street vendor fantasizes about how he would use Superman's powers more creatively, which might put him on the path to selling a new product. (Written by Kevin Juaire and David Campiti, pencils by Alex Saviuk, inks by Eduardo Barreto.) Read more!

The other day we saw a Superman/Batman comic, where Batman goes on and on about not believing in magic, despite having seen it personally about 900 times, and saying that to none other than Zatanna. The whole thing felt like Bats running a smear campaign on himself, to keep himself outta Zatanna's fishnets...seriously, the Spectre, Deadman, Dr. friggin' Fate; Batman's just being a stubborn jerk. Unless he trained under this guy, I suppose. From 1998, Vertigo Visions: Dr. Thirteen, "Do AI's Dream of Electric Sheep?" Written and inked by Matt Howarth, pencils by Michael Avon Oeming; cover by Cliff Nielsen. And, it is some nerve that the cover is "Doctor 13" while the indica is "Dr. Thirteen." Let's not optimize our search in any way, shape, or form...

We saw the good Doctor earlier this year in a Batman appearance, but this was one of a fistful of Vertigo one-shots with pretty decent creative teams trying to put that Vertigo spin on...charitably, also-rans and nobodys. Well, to 'actually' that, I suppose Tomahawk had been a big seller, maybe twenty or thirty years prior. The Phantom Stranger was probably the best known of the lot, and I'm not sure they drove as hard into the paint with him as they could; or as had been done with Swamp Thing or the Doom Patrol. Or, maybe you can't go nuts with the Phantom Stranger, because the mainstream DCU still used him here and there; but Dr. Terrence Thirteen you could probably break and throw away, who would say anything? Also, the Doctor is so unlikable; there would probably be a market for that. This issue opens with him and his long-suffering wife Marie on their way to counseling, because his unwavering commitment to "skeptical rationalism" made him a smug, condescending bastard 24 hours a day. His declaration "I am the sanest man alive!" would be tough to live with, you have to admit.

Meanwhile, a terminally ill, magic-obsessed programmer had created an A.I. version of himself; which was running faster than the real world and getting anxious to acquire more knowledge. The A.I, Desi, makes duplicates of itself to try and get past the local firewalls, but one is corrupted into "Izzy" and plots to conquer the outside world; while the programmer appears to have a conversation with a banshee he booked out as Elvis's ghost. (?) And after making a scene at a "haunted" art gallery that Marie had invested in, the next day Terrence tries to withdraw some cash, and finds Marie had closed him out, and she tells him she was leaving him. Predictably, Terrence is more upset that this would interfere with his quest for truth, but that attracts the attention of Desi, who wants him to stop Izzy. (Terrence also caught a bit of a beating, from mouthing off to some leather-types at the gallery.)

Since he had no interest in money, Terrence finds himself living in a terrible apartment; then sees an old colleague, Dr. Rintelb, pitching a book on skeptical rationalism on an infomercial--only $47 even, with a free brain-shaped ashtray! He storms the TV station the next day, and Rintelb is disturbed to see "a brilliant investigator" now an unshaven wreck, but brings him in on the current phenomenon: recently, numerous old TV shows were transferred from tape to digital. Except, there were strange crossovers, like Lucy and Ethel in "I Dream of Jeannie" or Mr. Ed on Baywatch. Furious, Terrence assumes it was a hoax, a plot against him and the truth, and storms out...as the building seems to distort around him. He ends up in Izzy's office: the rogue AI had taken over the network, and tomorrow the world, and it won't let Dr. Thirteen stop him! Particularly since Dr. Thirteen has no idea what he's on about, and couldn't care less. Still, Izzy had a series of "virtual reality hells" ready for him, which Terrence has trouble with, even though he was told it was VR right up front! Head in the game, man.

Desi tries to help Terrence, who is stuck in his earlier drive with Marie; and the A.I. starts to think he picked the wrong horse. An unlikable horse at that. Desi has to go back to the programmer for help, and he traps Izzy and frees Terrence. Terrence accepts the explanation of virtual realities and AI's as rational, but then lashes out at the programmer for his main job, at the Promethean Agency, which rented out ghosts and supernatural events, presumably created by technology, but exploiting people's belief in lies. And that's when the camera pulls back, showing Terrence in an asylum, delusional and violent; although Marie still loved him there, which might not have even been the case in his own mind. The Desi AI continues the programmer's work, trying to bring magic to the masses and replace technology, and now had Izzy's TV network to work through, after Izzy's download disk is placed on a space probe. Between the VR trips and Thirteen's delusions, I'm not sure how much of the comic was 'real,' although there did appear to still be a Desi, so...

Terrence Thirteen had appeared sporadically in the current DC continuity; but largely now because his daughter Traci was more of a hit. Also, and you see this a lot in old TV shows and such, but why is the default high moral ground "I wouldn't touch your filthy money" and not "you can't be trusted with cash, yoink!" Read more!

There's a splendid example of Dire Wraith-dom on the cover of this one, but mostly I'm struck about how this Avengers roster feels powerful, yet also designed to cause problems in-story: I can almost hear Cap trying to work through it. "We've got four members that can fly, but only one of them can carry anything while flying...and it's the space pervert." (OK, Cap probably never really took to Starfox, but he probably didn't call him that. Probably.) From 1984, the Avengers #244, "And the Rocket's Red Glare!" Written by Roger Stern, pencils by Al Milgrom and Carmine Infantino, inks by Joe Sinnott.

The current Avengers roster was on a little boat trip, but despite the encouragement of Jan and Starfox it wasn't a pleasure cruise: the Dire Wraiths had been sabotaging recent launches at Kennedy Space Center. These were the Wraith "Rocketeers," possibly the last of the science-oriented Wraiths, as the sorcery-types had taken over and wiped out most of the others. The Rocketeers wreck another rocket, then manage to escape as a third-party deploys a mysterious gas that even delays the Vision, who is later furious--furious by synthezoid standards, anyway--at the failure right out of the gate in his chairmanship of the team. (Jan had recently given up the chair, so she seems to be flighty again without that responsibility; although I also figure she does that to Steve on a regular basis: "Good lord, what are you wearing? Take that off, right now. And the pants.")

The Rocketeer-Wraiths realize the Wraith Sisterhood had assisted them, but only in hopes of drawing them out. Still, they were going to stick with their plan, and had wristwatch sensor-jammers to keep them from being detected. That almost works, but the Vision has better eyes than that, and can see them. (From the art, it's unclear if Vision can see the Wraiths' true form, or just a distortion giving them away.) While the Avengers give them the what-for, with Wanda revealing their Wraith-forms; the head scientist/lead Wraith makes a break for it, in a rocket with a cobbled-together FTL drive. Which, one of the Wraiths notices, looked like it was about to explode, and the Wasp was on that rocket...

There was a fun bit in the opening, where Captain Marvel (Monica, still my Captain!) is pretty enthusiastic about being on a boat: she had been harbor patrol before getting powers. Although, in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #16, she also appeared in a very distracting bikini, which she seemed unwilling to do here around Starfox...(Actually, her super-suit might've been the only clothes she had that would change when she did, so...) And, subplots galore, as Hawkeye and Mockingbird arrive on the west coast; and Quicksilver arrives at Bova's cabin, finding it leveled. Read more!

We brought up the Dire Wraiths of ROM fame yesterday, but of course there has yet to be an action figure for those horrible creatures. Unless you use your imagination, in which any figure could be a shape-changed Wraith. (That one's a Skrull, put that back!) There was a pre-Legends, Toy Biz prototype for a Dire Wraith figure shown I believe in ToyFare long, long ago; that may have been intended for the same Silver Surfer wave that had the Meegan, which we've seen a few times. But, for the next few posts we'll check out some Wraith appearances, starting with one not in the GCD: from 1985, Marvel Age #23, cover by Bill Sienkiewicz!

Despite the great Wraith cover, this issue was hyping up "The New Direction" for the title, post ROM #65, which guest-starred about every hero in the Marvel Universe at the time. Actually, then I start looking, and can only think of who wasn't there: the Defenders roster had changed, so no Hulk or Dr. Strange, although Namor gets in there; no Thor but Beta Ray Bill instead; and no Spider-Man since Ditko wouldn't draw him! Anyway, after banishing the Wraiths from earth and all of Wraithworld to Limbo, Rom was free to return to space, and meander around before returning to Galador and the series finale #75.

Most of the art shown was Steve Ditko, although there's also an unused version of the ROM #61 cover by David Mazzucchelli and Terry Austin

There's also a reused photo of the old Rom promotional costume, which I would've guessed hadn't been used in like five years at that point.

Also, Marvel Age doesn't have the series' covers in the GCD, because despite being all about the comics coming out, in itself there wasn't enough comic content by volume to qualify for inclusion. Which is a shame, since some of the covers were pretty good; and there were usually comics from Fred Hembeck every issue!

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"Face."

We're extrapolating a bit, from something I remember from the Earth X/Universe X/Paradise X books: despite there being an infinity of alternate universes, there was maybe only one Hell, and Mephisto was maybe behind the proliferation of alternate universes, in the hopes of finding one where he escaped judgement. The idea of Rom's Limbo being the same across the multiverse was horrifying: imagine every Dire Wraith across the multiverse, dumped into the same hole. Is that a little much; do even the Wraiths deserve that? Forever, with no chance of escape or release? Having spent hundreds of years fighting them, Rom might say they have it coming. (I need to do that re-read, since Rom does make an appearance in those books; Cap gets the neutralizer from him!) 

 We've also hopefully established, Magneto does not seem to care for Rom; and we'll see why later: it's an in-continuity answer, or at least related to continuity?

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"We got three covers of Spidey's head already. Maybe we could do, I dunno, Mary Jane?" "Nah, just throw the Spider-Signal up there or something."

Although, let's double-check this with the GCD: this issue hit stands July 22, 1986. Marvel Tales #193 with a Ditko-esque Spidey was out July 11. Amazing #282 with the black suit was July 29, and (deep breath) the all-new, all daring Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #120 with half-black costume, half-Peter, was out August 20. I looked all that up, because my vague recollection had been that Web was usually the first Spidey book of the month, but maybe not? Or at least not for Marvel's 25th Anniversary here. And as is sometimes the case, I'm nattering on about a minor point because man, I am not sure the rest of this one is going to have aged well...From 1986, Web of Spider-Man #20, "Little Wars!" No credits, oddly; but probably written by David Michelinie, art by Marc Silvestri. Border art, and probably cover, by John Romita.

A clever editor could probably have packaged a trade of these stories, like "Spidey's World Tour," where Peter Parker gets sent somewhere on assignment for the Bugle, things immediately go to hell, and Spidey has to swoop in while also trying to protect his secret identity. Today, he and Joy Mercado are in London, and there's a bombing before they get out of the airport. Irish terrorists are trying to kill someone named Bartlett, but their bomb went off early: Peter manages to sneak away, under Joy's suggestion to try and get pictures, and knocks out a gunman without being seen. Both Joy and Peter are then stricken at going from a scene of death and tragedy, to a fancy limo: J.Jonah Jameson was trying to establish Now magazine as a player, and was throwing some dough around. Which totally seems like a thing JJJ would do, then blow his stack when he gets the receipts later, and start charging employees to use the elevator or something.

Joy gives Peter the brief explanation of Ireland's ongoing attempts to reunify, which she attributes to "a fear of Spain invading England!" from hundreds of years ago. Yeah, maybe look that up: that seems like a fair short answer, but there's probably about 90 other factors. Later, Peter has dinner with Joy, who should be way out of his league, but he's made some pulls...not tonight, though, as she declines an offer to see the sights. Mainly, because she has a meeting with a snitch--I would've said 'source,' but he calls himself that, so--who gives her documents from Roxxon. And even though he says it isn't his responsibility to police the whole planet, Peter still suits up and breaks into prison, to shake some information out of the captured terrorist. (The black suit wasn't world-known at that point, I suppose; but it was good for intimidation.) He then sneaks into a secret meeting of the "Red Hand," as they plan an attack tomorrow; but the bobbies show up. Wait, probably not bobbies, this'd be the riot squad, since they're armed and launch tear gas. Unseen, Spidey helps out so the cops don't charge into a hail of bullets; but several Red Handers escape through tunnels.

Out late and tear-gassed, Peter looks like he partied hard in the morning, but Joy tells him to keep it together, as they go through security...for a speech by Margaret Thatcher? Ergh. Politely--massively euphemistically--she was a divisive figure, and this story is probably based on a real-life IRA assassination attempt October 12, 1984. Midway through her speech, Peter remembers hearing "foundations" and realizes the Red Hand were going to try to blow up the building from beneath. He ducks out, and stops them after a brief skirmish that's mostly keeping them from setting off explosives: after Spidey disarms their Wile E. Coyote-ACME style plunger detonator, one tries to set the explosives off with a grenade, which Spidey webs away, but the pin had been pulled. The terrorist tries to get to the grenade, but is badly injured, and would likely die.

Peter probably reeks of the sewers and gunpowder when he gets back, and Joy gives him a bit of hassle since he seemed to be having trouble hearing. She wants to pursue the story, but that would involve going to Dublin; and their expenses were only covered for Thatcher's speech. (Peter notices, she knew it was the Red Hand...) But, after the cop from the airport tells them a little girl died from the bombing there, Joy and Peter make plans to go on...

Ooh, let's say something good first: this was before his run on Uncanny X-Men, but Silvestri already had it going on. And while it was probably harder to see in the moment...maybe...this reminds me of Captain America #344, where Cap saves...ugh...Ronald Reagan. Thatcher and Reagan were contemporaries, and agreed on a lot of things: I don't know if everything terrible in Britain can be traced back to her, like just about everything awful here goes back to Reagan; but probably. It is in Spidey's nature to try and save everybody, though. Ireland is, to date, still not united. As an ugly American, I probably shouldn't even have an opinion on this, but my sympathies lie with them and Scottish independence.

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