Aw, I was hoping for Trogdor comics.

Still, burnination or no, there may be some bits of interest here in this one: from 1974, Creatures on the Loose #29, "Lord of Chaos!" Written by Steve Gerber, art by Vicente Alcázar. We flipped through some earlier issues some time back, but in an eight-issue stretch from COTL #22 to here, this was like the third or fourth writer for the not-Conan barbarian Thongor. The stories may have largely been adapted from creator Lin Carter's novels, but I was mildly surprised Steve Gerber wrote the last two issues, including this one. Gerber's own barbarian Korrek, from Howard the Duck's first appearance in (Adventure Into) Fear #19, would predate today's book, though.

Anyway, in the previous issue, Thongor had been carried away by a dragon, and was dropped into her nest to feed her babies. Who Thongor kills; but they were bitey monsters, so...Meanwhile, the wizard Sharajsha has completed work on the Starsword, the weapon needed to defeat the Dragon Kings before they summon the Lord of Chaos--hey, where'd Thongor go? He and the rest of the party are forced to go on without him, in Sharajsha's...magic helicoptor? OK, wasn't expecting that. They arrive, and get immediately wrecked by said Dragon Kings, while Thongor has to make the perilous if not especially long trek to catch up with them. (Luckily, the dragon appears to have taken him in about the same direction; although that dragon and the Dragon Lords weren't necessarily working together?) Darn, somebody got the Marvel Value Stamp outta this one: per the GCD, it was Number 37, the Watcher.

Thongor finds the Starsword, and saves his friends from being sacrificed; with "Father Gorm" appearing from the heavens to smite the Dragon Lords and all. Which takes about a page and a half--it really feels like they were told to wrap it up while they were actually drawing it--but they had to, since the next issue would be the start of a new feature, with Man-Wolf! Which would likewise have like three writers over the course of his eight issues, but I think he was turning the sales numbers around before cancellation.

I didn't watch Homestar Runner or Strong Bad emails when they were new. That just means, they're new to me now! Read more!

I thought it was weird Todd had even drawn Paladin twice.

I'm also 80% sure this issue did not need to be reprinted at the time; it was probably widely available in quarter bins and such. From 1989, Marvel Tales #231, reprinting 1981's Marvel Team-Up #108, "Something Wicked This Way Kills!" Plot by Tom DeFalco, script by David Michelinie, pencils by Herb Trimpe, inks by Mike Esposito. New cover by Todd McFarlane.

Todd did Marvel Tales covers from #223 to #239, starting with reprinting the classic Doc Ock/Death of Captain Stacy storyline, then shifting to mostly Marvel Team-Up issues with mutants. This would include a trifecta with Dazzler, so you've got Todd doing a pretty sharp classic Dazzler, with a bunch of hacky jokes about her, being a mutant, and/or disco. She doesn't make the cover this time, but Paladin does; and I remembered Todd had drawn him on the cover of Amazing #321...and had forgot about #320. Huh.

Anyway, this issue. This was back in the day when Peter Parker was a teaching assistant at Empire State, and here he catches an earful from a coach for flunking a star player. The guy only answered three questions out of fifty; so yeah. Spidey's also on the trail of a strange "street stalker," who seemed to be sucking the heat out of his victims; and Peter Parker was also trying to get back on top, since Lance Bannon had been getting the big pictures lately. Patrolling the park, Spidey of course gets into the traditional Marvel misunderstanding brawl with Paladin, who was working the case for cash, but ditches out for a date, leaving Spidey to get a victim to the hospital: predictably, Lance gets a picture of Spidey holding the victim, which J.Jonah Jameson just adores. It of course won't last, but JJJ is ridonkulously happy, like that Vince McMahon meme: "Pictures!...Pictures of Spider-Man!...Pictures of Spider-Man, committing a crime!...Pictures of Spider-Man, committing a crime, NOT from that weasel Parker!"

Spidey catches up with Paladin outside a fancy restaurant, where he was meeting his client; and Spidey has to suffer the indignity of being forced to wear a tie to get in. The client was the stalker's husband, and she tells a sob story of a lab accident involving microwaves, a radiation-absorbing suit, and vitamins? Sure, why not. Spidey isn't sure he would be able to help, which Paladin assumes was a bargaining ploy for a better payoff: Paladin has a hearty laugh when he finds out Spidey didn't do that for cash, which feels like a missed shot for an "action is his reward" crack. Later, as the increasingly unstable scientist takes up the name "Thermo" and kills a co-worker he thought was going after his wife; Spidey and Paladin get serious...seriously beat-down. Dazzler has a cameo, since she'd be in the next issue; but she decides to see what the hubbub is about after she finishes her makeup, while Thermo drains the heat out of Spidey...!

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"Drama."

That's a wrap on the Age of Apocalypse and assorted figures, but we did manage to squeeze in a few more we hadn't seen yet. I'm sure those guys'll be fine, at least until the next reboot, retcon, relaunch.

I think the most recent San Diego Comic Con, Hasbro had a Marvel Legends display with tons of skulls on the ground, to go with the Sentinels. I don't have anywhere near that many, but one bit I didn't get to was that in the AoA, dozens if not hundreds of Spirits of Vengeance had been called up, then killed by Apocalypse, which was why there were always skulls and fires everywhere. And Vengeance would've been the current Ghost Rider, because why not? Ah, that's a figure I didn't get at the time, but would much later: he's one of the very few Toy Biz Legends that's not been remade, although I think there were Ghost Rider movie figures for him, even if he wasn't in said movies. (Aside: along with Vengeance, the other Toy Biz Legend I still have in regular rotation is Beta Ray Bill. Hasbro made one, with a less ornate, less Thor-style costume; the old one and the even older Silver Surfer Bill are better.)

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I really expected more garter belts in Howard Chaykin's Justice League.

Well, they're all business in these issues, so maybe not. From 2006, JLA: Classified #26, "Secret History, Sacred Trust, part one" Written by Howard Chaykin, pencils by Kilian Plunkett, inks by Tom Nguyen.  

I think this was pretty concurrent with the JLA book at the time, with the Grant Morrison core team: the most seasoned of professionals, if a bit detached. They were like an encounter with a really good paramedic: if you need them, you're probably confused, helpless, and having the worst day of your life; but for them it's just Tuesday. They'll take care of you, but won't get all worked up about it.

Plotwise, this is both pretty solid and almost specifically what you would expect from Chaykin: two South American countries were on the verge of war, but both sides seem to somehow have put metahuman soldiers into the field. The JLA has to thread the needle between doing the right thing, and not overly imposing their will on foreign nations, while maybe also figuring out where the metahumans came from and not seeming too pro-America. Despite having two aliens and two monarchs on the team, they still work more closely with the U.S. government than you would probably expect; which feels real post-911 but also hopefully isn't rushing back. It's also completely not-surprising that the President is concerned about any other countries "using metahumans for international terrorism" yet being A-OK with America having them.

From Joe Kelly's run, Faith makes an appearance here, returning from the warring countries "on a mission I can't discuss for an agency that doesn't officially exist." (I honestly forget what her powers were, and I think she was traded to the Byrne-era Doom Patrol, which really feels like getting sent to the minors.) While in the field they might have been a unified front, the League seems a little back-bitey here: Kyle and Wally are seen by some of the others as a bit like children, American simpletons who don't really understand the rest of the world, no matter how many times they've saved it. (...fair.) Later, playing the king card, Aquaman throws a wrench in things, by insisting the President and the JLA make their case to the United Nations; where things get dragged to a halt by the objections of the Dutch ambassador. (Are her complaints legitimate, or somehow sinister? Maybe both, really.) While the JLA is officially ordered to stay out of the conflict, Faith takes Bruce, Clark, Kyle, Wally, and Diana undercover; on Mission: Impossible rules: if you're caught, no one's ever heard of you... 

This storyline would run through JLA Classified #31, and while I was able to get the whole thing from the dollar bins recently, I don't think it's been collected. Later in the story, J'onn plays one-man JLA to make it look like the others were where the world expected them to be; Kyle is effective undercover at a comic-con while Wally seems really bad at clandestine stuff; and the JLA honestly seems to get along pretty well regardless of if they're sometimes irritated or annoyed by each other.

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Maybe if I finish the "Legends of the Dead Earth" annuals, I could go on to these--no. No. We're not doing that.

I was familiar with the cover from a house ad, a Jim Balent number with a woman turning into a cat-woman in front of Castle Greykitty; but hadn't read this until recently: from 1994, Catwoman Annual #1,"The Last Man" Written by Christopher Priest, pencils by Federico Cueva, inks by Alberto Pez.

This was another Elseworlds annual, with a medeval Batman winning his final battle against the Cat-Man, R'as al Ghul. Perhaps because this Batman did not seem like the most noble of warriors, his name wasn't a variation of Bruce Wayne; it was instead "Lord Timon Vicar." Timon was having all of the Selenites, the cat-people, put to the sword; since he saw them as sorcerous, soulless abominations; and he had already killed R'as eight times. The ninth time might be the charm; but Timon loses an eye and is grievously wounded. Feverish and sick, Timon isn't able to put up a fight, when his men are later killed by bandits; but he is saved by a mysterious cat-woman.

After dispatching the bandits, the cat-woman asks him where Timon was; perhaps wisely, Timon points to one of his dead men. The woman claims, if her father R'as had still been alive, she wouldn't be covered in fur now. Mockingly calling him "Truman," for a true man; she forces him to bury his dead men, then plans on taking him to speak with the Emperor, and end the slaughter of the Selenites. Still feverish, Timon has a dream about saving the cat-woman from R'as; and awakes to find her asleep in human form. Finally giving her name as Talia, she explains how he's a backwards, prejudiced, sexist tool; but she needs him, useless as he is. Later, while Talia is getting horses, Timon is accosted and beat by his own Legionnaires, who don't recognize their boss, and seem like the thugs Talia saw them as. When they plan to "have their fun" with Talia, a furious Timon rallies and murders them all, but can't bring himself to hurt Talia.

Later, Talia is furious over losing the scent of a murdering band of Legionnaires, and reveals she had known who Timon was all along. They spend a night together, then Talia disappears, leaving Timon to make his way home. Back in his Bat-armor, he tries to convince his father to end the war, and gets slapped down. Furious that his own son might have been ensorcelled, he resolves to triple the slaughter, and is immediately murdered by Talia. Timon tries to stop her escape, leading to a fall into the moat and a fight with a gator; and Talia rescues him again. She thinks while his father never would have, Timon could end the war: she is immediately shot in the back by Timon's men. Timon does end the war, but knows at some point he will face Talia again: she still had eight lives left.

OK, even though I read a ton of those in '94, there is no way we're going to get to all the Elseworlds annuals! So far I think we've seen Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight Annual #4, Legionnaires Annual #1, and Robin Annual #3. Read more!

Ever come back from vacation and feel like you needed a vacation?...well, yeah. Coming back raring for work would be weirder. Anyway, I'm lazy, so out today! I had these up on Bluesky.

That Superman and Superman-Robot #4 (Gary!) are from the basic line, I think SpinMasters? If you see an Engineer, grab her, and then work backwards if you wanna build Gary. Hawkgirl might be tougher to get too; unless you have to spend a little more than the $7.99 they started at.

The Fantastic Four: First Steps figures are both taller and sharper, although they're three times more expensive than the basic Superman ones. I wasn't sure if I was going to get them, but bought the Silver Surfer figure first, then found the Four all at once, which I couldn't skip. Also, I might've swiped some of that joke: didn't Johnny ask where Ben's ears went in the first Fox FF? Anyway. Have a good weekend! Read more!

The Master? Hell yeah, the third Doctor's episodes with him were awesome!...what do you mean, not that one?

Maybe Roger Delgado could've elevated him out of also-ran status; although that would be a tough row to hoe there. From 1998, Heroes for Hire #10, "Misalliances!" Written by John Ostrander, pencils by Pascual Ferry, inks by Jaime Mendoza.

This issue starts out a bit more conversationally than I'm used to from Ostrander, checking in with the Master (of the World), who was usually Alpha Flight's problem: he was very much like a more tech-savvy Vandal Savage that usually got his ass kicked by Canada. Since Heroes Return was going on at the time, the Master maybe should be concerned about the return of multiple heroes, but he was seemingly more worried other bad guys might be against his plan. Still, his scheme was rolling along, and as he mentioned, he had allies...Meanwhile, at the Oracle headquarters of Heroes for Hire, Iron Fist has just gotten around to telling Luke Cage that he had "summoned K'un Lun," and I'm not positive what that means. Former Human Torch/Oracle boss Jim Hammond isn't especially keen to hear that, either; and since the team was short-handed with several members back with the Avengers (circa Avengers #1, where Jim probably should be; and this predates Luke or Danny joining) Jim had brought in "temps," Misty Knight and Colleen Wing! Who maybe aren't thrilled about the K'un Lun thing, either.

Today's mission, for a secret client Jim won't name, was to get a bioweapons scientist out of Symkaria, which of course means conflict with Silver Sable and her Wild Pack: Danny points out, wasn't she supposed to be a good guy? Yeah, and so were the Thunderbolts. So much continuity today! And even more, as Jim had brought in Deadpool as well, fresh from Deadpool #17...which I don't think I have? Crap. Probably cheaper to buy a friggin' omnibus than track that down. Luke is peeved, thinking Jim had hired Pool just to get back at Danny over K'un Lun; and we see even the Master is mad about it too! (Danny seems to have done, whatever he was doing, seemingly on a whim to tie into the millennium or some nonsense.)

After a couple subplot pages with Scott and Cassie Lang (with Cassie probably younger than most readers remember) we check in with Silver Sable's special Wild Pack for this one: not her usual guys like...I don't know, Battlestar? Crippler? Today she's got regular member Sandman, as well as Paladin, the Cat, and Nomad. Wait, scratch that last one: instead of Nomad, it's Madcap! That reveal comes pretty suddenly, and no one is quite sure why exactly; although Madcap would've known Nomad from Captain America #307, he would've known him as much more clean-shaven than Nomad's 90's look! The battlelines are drawn, but the next issue would have a few surprises...Also, the Cat, Shen Kuei, is, if you're not familiar, is...um...OK, if Shang-Chi was the Simpsons, and Iron Fist was South Park, Shen was King of the Hill: much less renowned, but with a rock-solid overall record and the occasional win over those two. Yeah, that's probably a clear metaphor, sure. Read more!

"Helmet."

AoA Jean alludes to the continuity/timeline changes, because like we mentioned there have been a few; but we're referencing a load-bearing piece of mainline Rogue's continuity, ROM #32! In the midst of a battle between the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (or the girl members, Mystique, Destiny, and Rogue!) and the monstrous Hybrid, Rogue had touched Rom, and seen his inner goodness. That changed her: Rogue had previously been kinda mean, and pretty obedient to Mystique; but it's a straight line from her touching Rom to becoming an X-Man. (By the way, we made a subtle change on the AoA Rogue figure for this one!) Read more!

Midtown High must've had a helluva Home Ec. class, if Peter and Flash can both knock out costumes.

It doesn't necessarily follow that Flash's costume design would be so close to Peter's, though. From 2018, What If? Spider-Man #1, "What If Flash Thompson had become Spider-Man?" Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Diego Olortegui, inks by Walden Wong.

I might as well be wishing for a pony here, but I wish What If? still had regular numbering, instead of a big pile of #1's or event-related mini-series. This particular issue was after, um, whatever mini-series where the original Nick Fury got sent to live on a farm upstate was made "the Unseen," to live on the moon and bear witness like the Watcher used to; which included What If? hosting duties again. (It was Original Sin, and the numbering on that one looks a mess.) Oddly enough, Marvel had done a version of Spider-Flash before, in What If? #76: Peter takes a bit more hands-on approach to deal with him there, and that was the last issue of that series with Uatu hosting.

The trigger event of Flash attending a certain science fair, leads to him getting the powers, at least two deaths, and a lot of excessive force: Flash wasn't a scientist, so his Spider-Man doesn't seem to have webs. Still, he seems more accepted as a hero, in large part by the endorsement of J.Jonah Jameson, despite the fact that Flash had not saved JJJ's son John. (It's unclear if Flash had tried and failed, or wasn't there.) Peter Parker was still taking pictures of Spider-Man, since he needed the money for Aunt May's blood cancer treatment. But, when the isotope needed for that is stolen by the Master Planner, Peter follows a tracker he had placed on Spider-Man, to Flash's trailer-park home, and discovers Flash's secret. Flash does not take it well, as he had a lot of resentment towards "smart guys" turning people against him, and lashes out, killing Peter with one punch.

Stunned, Flash tries to redeem himself by tracking down the Master Planner and getting the isotope; but long-time readers would remember, the Master Planner was Doctor Octopus! Flash takes out a load-bearing pillar in the fight, setting up the traditional "Spidey lifts heavy stuff" moment, but not by overcoming self-doubt like Peter had to, but by acknowledging he was not a hero, and would have to make amends. In the end, Aunt May is saved, if devastated at the news that Peter was dead; and Flash turns himself in to face the music. (I feel like Flash wouldn't really defend himself, but probably wouldn't serve a lot of time: the government or S.H.I.E.L.D. or something would put him to work.) Read more!