What's this? A finicky face, not fooled by a faux pharaoh?

Ah, I can't do the William Dozier voice long! I had intended to blog this long before now, but seem to have kept misplacing it. Which of course lead to buying multiple copies...also misplaced. Eventually I'll open a cupboard or something and three of these will fall out...From 1986, Batman #398, "About Faces!" Written by Doug Moench, art by Tom Mandrake. 

We now join Batman's latest spat with Catwoman, already in progress: Catwoman felt like he didn't trust her, and she had a point, since I don't think he had revealed his secret identity to her or anything. More recently, he hadn't kept her in the loop on the "scam" he was running on Two-Face, with the help of Circe. This Circe may largely be forgotten now, supplanted by the Wonder Woman villain; but she was a former model (and possible murderer) scarred by her lover, Black Mask. Instead of answering the Bat-signal, Batman goes after Catwoman, to explain himself, and his plan, which he sheepishly calls "a sappy longshot." He's trying to bring back Harvey Dent, although he's still prepared to punch up Two-Face if it comes to that. While Catwoman seems to enjoy seeing the human side of Bats, she is hurt Gordon and Bullock know more about this scheme than she does, and she's worried she's driving a wedge between Batman and his 'son,' Jason Todd. 

The plan is, with Circe's help, Two-Face will 'steal' a fake Egyptian sarcophagus. That goes smoothly enough, although to win Two-Face's trust, she conks a guard over the head with her "magic scepter." The guard, a disguised Batman, notices she hit him fairly hard, which could be suspicious. Following them, Catwoman is mildly surprised Two-Face's hideout isn't in a two-story building; Bullock notes "it's 222 Second Avenue." Circe makes her pitch, about the faux pharaoh's goodness, enticing Two-Face to try it on, and to feel the long dormant spirit of Harvey Dent returning in him. Watching it, Bats and Cats deem it more of a longshot than ever, but Two-Face does seem pensive afterwards, and takes some time to think...and flip his coin. 

Two-Face emerges--with one face, as Harvey Dent! He's made his choice, despite a fake mask and fake pharaoh, Batman: look, if you're going to operate in Gotham City, you have to know stuff like that. "Harvey" tears off his face, to reveal an All-Face beneath, then snags Circe's mask off of her. Batman and Catwoman bust in, and seemingly have things handled until the starting arrival of--Robin? Who opens a door right into Catwoman's face, turning the tide and giving Two-Face a chance to pull a double-barrel shotgun. Batman tries to argue Two-Face is making the wrong choice, he could be Harvey again, but he's not buying it. 

Robin knocks the shotgun away with a Batarang, and Catwoman tosses Bats her whip: when a problem comes along...ah, you know. After beating him down, Batman gently removes the makeup, restoring at least half of his friend's face, but worrying his good side could be completely submerged now. Also, Circe had lit out, leaving the question of her motivations open. And Batman and Catwoman's relationship may have just taken a turn, with Selina telling him "...Robin's return through this door ranks very high on the omen scale."

The copy I'm scanning is a second-printing; I would've sworn there was an ad for Dark Knight Returns in there--the single issues! But, this is why, two issues later, when freed along with virtually all of Batman's foes in Batman #400, Two-Face is among those who opt out of facing him right then. So to speak. 

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She's no Nancy Pelosi, but Barbara Gordon isn't without her charms.

Ah, the Seventies. Here's where we see DC's first (or latest) attempts at shaking up their flagship characters, like Superman leaving the Daily Planet to do the news at GBS, or Batman moving to the Wayne Foundation building in Gotham, or Batgirl becoming a Congresswoman...

You know, I can remember reading other comics, probably Batman Family or Detective Comics, with Batgirl stories, but I'm pretty sure her Congresswoman job was just another secret identity, not unlike reporter or test pilot or millionaire; something for the hero to do for a couple pages before the villain showed up. I don't recall it being delved into that deeply, but it's not like 70's Batgirl comics were going to become Ex Machina either. Hell, I don't even know if it was ever specified whether Barbara was a Senator or Representative, Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative. (Yes I do: Representative from whatever state Gotham City's in, Democrat, liberal on social issues, fiscal conservative. Pretty obvious, duh.)

This one's from Superman #268, "Wild Weekend in Washington!" From October 1973, written by Elliot S. Maggin, art by Curt Swan and Bob Oksner. The story starts with Batgirl arriving to see three men looming over Clark Kent, after he's given up "the nation's greatest secret!" I should have a snarky answer, except I don't know what the nation's greatest secret circa 1973 would be...I was two, so cut me some slack.

Once we get past the splash page tease, we see Superman and Batman at the Fortress of Solitude after a "run-in with Effron the Sorcerer!" that probably wasn't in the previous issue. As a trophy, they've kept evidence/the hypnotic Golden Eye, and Batman mentions since he rarely uses the Batcave anymore, they may as well keep it there. Batman also 'accidentally' hypnotizes Batman on the second panel. No spoiler warning, it couldn't be more obvious if he had made Superman cluck like a chicken.

Leaving the Fortress, Batman convinces Superman, as Clark Kent, to ask out Barbara Gordon. At the time, neither one knew Barbara was Batgirl, and Batman seems to just be going off her father Commissioner Gordon's impression of her as a lonely, bored Congresswoman. Which is highly suspect. Still, Batman thinks Babs would loosen Clark up; but while he agrees to call her, he thinks it's a complication he doesn't need. Especially since he still has a brunette, a redhead, and probably a mermaid still fighting over him back in Metropolis.

Well, more accurately, Superman has women fighting over him. This was back in the day when Clark had to be chaste, boring, and generally as lame as possible: Superman was the real person, and Clark had about as much depth and personality as a cardboard mask from the back of a cereal box. (Of course, Byrne would go way too far the other way, making the post-Crisis Clark almost a playboy.) Clark only manages to get a date with Barbara on the strength of Bruce Wayne's name: she wrongly assumes one of Bruce's friends has to be a "live one." Like the teenage acrobat.

By the way, I just can't bring myself to call Barbara, 'Babs.' It just reminds me of that semester of college I killed watching Tiny Toon Adventures.

Clark woodenly dogs his way through a reception, noting "Babs is about as lonely here as a kitty in a catnip factory!" That metaphor doesn't quite work, does it? Seeking an out, Babs introduces Clark to Senator Cleary, and Clark promptly quizzes him on a top-secret government nuclear disintegrator project. Oh, excuse me, that was a solar disintegrator, with a cobalt trigger. Much better environmentally. He had worked on the project as Superman, because just as Clark was a total wuss back then, Supes worked on all sorts of weapons projects for the U.S. government: missiles, lasers, A-bombs, this. Babs hustles Clark away from the senator, wondering what kind of source he had on that.

Later, after getting Barbara home and sparing her the embarrassment of an awkward attempt of a kiss good-night, Clark is about to try to figure out why he would blurt out top-secret info, when he's gassed and abducted. Playing possum, Clark lets himself be taken to a secret underground hideout...hey, wasn't Washington build on drained swamplands? Wouldn't it be even harder to build said hideout there, then it would just about anywhere else? I'm honestly curious on this one.


Clark is declared missing before dawn by the Daily Planet, in a banner headline comic-newspapers love and real-newspapers couldn't use if the Pope shot Brad Pitt. The feds question Barbara on the disappearance the next day, but also say she's above suspicion. Yes, a representative of Congress would never do anything like that...

As Batgirl, she starts investigating, tracing the car seen the night of the abduction to a garage: not quite the Oracle-level work she is known for today, but she does the FBI's job for them, and quick.

Meanwhile, the spy-ring that captured Clark continues to try to shake information out of him; but since Clark=wuss, he just 'passes out' every so often, and thus hadn't had to give anything up. Supes had been trying to either overhear where the ring's main headquarters was, or the leader; but was finally about to bust the place up when Batgirl arrives.

For her part, Batgirl had gotten in OK, but was about to be death-ray'ed when Superman dramatically enters.


I can't decide if Superman is being chivalrous or patronizing next, as he wraps Batgirl up in his indestructible cape (aw, now I miss the indestructible cape!) and lets the bad guys shoot at them, blowing holes in their own building. Superman even shows off a bit, letting them shoot their 'plutonium bazookas' at him so he can punch the blasts away. Even though I'm pretty sure even a little plutonium shot out of a bazooka would be incredibly toxic, and probably kill at least everyone in the facility in moments. This is really the sort of thing I should look up...

Batgirl captures some of the head spies, then tells Superman that Clark Kent is being held prisoner there. She goes to let the poor reporter out, and Superman knocks out the mastermind, tunnels into the cell, and passes the unconscious suit off as 'Clark.' Batgirl really didn't put a lot of effort into remembering Clark on that date, so it works. Supes tells Batgirl to call the feds while he flies 'Clark' to a hospital; while he really takes the spy into custody, then loiters in front of the hospital for an hour as Clark Kent. Barbara meets him there, giving him the always-important secret identity alibi.

Later, back at the Fortress, Superman wants Batman to destroy the Golden Eye, since he figures it hypnotized him into revealing state secrets. But, Batman discovers the Eye has already been stolen. Cue creepy end-music stinger...

So, what have we learned from this issue? Well, don't dick around with hypnotic gems, unless you're going to make your friends do something a little more entertaining than treason. Batgirl's little moped/minicycle probably gets 80 miles a gallon and folds into less space than an ironing board, but isn't super intimidating. And your average Congresswoman: total player. If you get offered a blind date with one, by God you take it, and you'd better make it good. Read more!