Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Oh, that blows.
Well, that's weird...where would Wade get Spy back issues?

A lot of signs have been pointing to it, and Paul O'Brien's recap of Marvel Month-to-Month sales seems to confirm it: Cable and Deadpool appears to be slowly drifting into cancellation. To make way for a Cable solo series. How to get across the horribleness of this...the first thing that came to mind would be if NBC decided to cancel Law and Order: SVU in order to have a cop show featuring just Detective Elliot Stabler; with none of the plots, subplots or supporting cast of the previous series. That's not a great example, since I think a better percentage would follow that show, than would the Cable solo series.

Back to Cable & Deadpool: was anyone reading that book for Cable? I'm floored to think someone thinks Cable is the draw to that book. I came to it late, since I'm just not a fan of his, but I love the Deadpool-centered issues.

Fabian Nicieza did a great job creating convincing reasons for both characters to interact, even though they were enemies in their first appearances, have little in common, and don't much like each other, especially at first. Here's hoping 'Pool either manages to get a solo book, or maybe gets a replacement for Cable.

Panel from Cable & Deadpool #7, "The Burnt Offering, Part One: Headless Horsemen" Written by Fabian Nicieza, pencils by Patrick Zircher, inks by Udon's Rob Ross and M3TH.

Aside: I like Law and Order: SVU, even though it's pretty depressing. It's a good show to watch once in a while, and you can miss a bunch of episodes and it doesn't really matter. (I wish I could claim this line, but a friend once compared watching a rerun of Law & Order was like re-reading an Archie comic.) But while actor Christopher Meloni has done a great job with the character of Stabler, the guy's been working in the sex crimes unit a little too long, and is starting to get wound up and violent. Stabler needs a vacation or to be rotated over to a less stressful department, like, I don't know, homicide.

SCENE: the Dunh-dunh L&O noise. A bloody, bloody crime scene, surrounded by police officers, most of whom look like they have been or may soon be violently ill. A pale looking CSI holds up a stained-red sheet so Stabler can see the body, but we can't.

CSI: Oh, god...this is the most horrible thing I've seen in 20 years of this...there is no God.

STABLER: (Eating donut) Uh-huh. So, whaddaya got here?

CSI: (Moaning) Please...don't make me look at it again. It's too much.

STABLER: (Still eating, nonchalant) C'mon. Walk me through it.

CSI: All right. So, he was bludgeoned, horribly. Here...here....(retches a little)...here...a little over there...

STABLER: (Nodding) Sure, sure. What else?

CSI: Well, preliminary estimates are that he was shot. At least twenty times, from four different large-bore weapons, from different directions. The ballistics is going to be a nightmare, since several of the bullets appear to have ricocheted off each other, creating multiple entry and exit wounds...

STABLER: (Yawns) Yeah, yeah, pick it up a bit.

CSI: (Greenish) The burns are even more exotic. I'm still not sure if those are chemical...might even be radiation. Hopefully, there's enough left for testing...

STABLER: (Snapping fingers) High notes, buddy, just the high notes.

CSI: Uck. Then the stabbing. So far we've counted a hundred and thirty-eight stab wounds...

STABLER: (Freezes. Every muscle in his head clenches, looks deadly serious for a moment, like he is absolutely going to murder whoever did this.) And then raped the stab wounds?


STABLER: I said, did they rape the stab wounds? 'Cause that's SVU territory, man! I'm not going back there! I'm not!

CSI: No...nooooo. Just stab wounds.

STABLER: The wounds weren't raped? Any signs of abuse?

CSI: You mean, apart from the...

STABLER: I mean sexual! I can't deal with that anymore! The eyes of the victims, staring at me in my sleep! The criminal justice system that lets predators out again and again and again! The guilt of having a cock! I punch myself in the cock twenty times every night before I can sleep, just to show I'm not like the other men! And rape after rape after rape killing my chances with Olivia! No more rape!

CSI: No...there's none of that.

STABLER: No rape?

CSI: No. Frankly, aside from the...wounds, I'm not sure what would've been left to rape on this guy, after the beating and the stabbing...

STABLER: Awesome. (Completely unclenches, takes another bite of his donut.) Oh, man, this job is sweet.

I'm tired, but that made me laugh this afternoon. The only rewrite I did on this one was to try to get the swears out of it, which was tougher than I would've thought.


SallyP said...

Hee hee!

CalvinPitt said...

I know one guy that I'm sure was read C/D for Cable more than 'Pool, as he's pretty happy about the upcoming Cable solo book.

As for me, this was the first time I can recall giving a damn about Cable, beyond a general "What's this guy's deal?" from early X-Force issues.

As to Stabler: Yes, you'd think at some point Cragen would realize he should force Stabler to transfer, for the guys' own good. I know it can't be easy to find people who could walk that beat, but he's definitely not far from what you described.

Unknown said...

See? A Stabler solo series would be cool!

As for Cable, there's a series of issues by Joe Casey and Jose Landronn that's absolutely awesome - but the Cable they portrayed has little in common with the guy created by Liefeld.

THAT Cable fought old school
Marvel villains and tossed aside the guns to rely on physical ability and mental powers. In many ways, that series was a dry run for Godland!