Is anybody using the Nomad tag right now? Maybe, time to bring that back?

Although, that may fall under the "Michael Bolton" rule; but every year it gets exponentially more difficult to imagine being "proud" of being an American. (Bill Hicks nailed that one years ago.) The closest to Fourth of July festivities around here is going to be Jello in my Captain America-shield mold--lemon, just slightly less yellow and spineless than your typical ICE agent--and maybe an old Cap comic here. From 1986, Captain America #316, "Creatures of Love" Written by Mark Gruenwald, breakdowns by Paul Neary, finishes by Dennis Janke. ("Creatures of Love" is another of Gruenwald's occasional Talking Heads references!)

On his little sky-cycle, recent newlyweds Hawkeye and Mockingbird are going to drop in on Cap for a visit, and their timing couldn't be worse if the Red Skull was nuking the city: Steve was having a hard conversation with his girlfriend Bernie, who was going off to law school. She had wanted to talk it over with him first, but he had never been around. Bernie thought their relationship would survive, if it was strong enough, but...Clint and Bobbi show up plainclothes, and Bobbi realizes right off it wasn't the time, and Clint figures it out after suggesting to Steve that marriage had been great for him, so...(Bernie doesn't know them, but also figures they were superheroes: Iron Man and Ms. Marvel, maybe?)

Changing the subject, Steve asks whatever happened to Armadillo? Well, things were looking up for him: his wife Bonita had been cured, and he was an up-and-comer in Unlimited Class Wrestling. Now in town, Bonita was thrilled to see the city, but tells Armadillo he can't go shopping or dancing, he was too big and it would make a scene. She had Ramon to take her, though...I am not sure what Ramon's purpose in Armadillo's entourage was, since he had a manager? While at dinner, Steve sees an ad for Armadillo's upcoming match, and Clint suggests they should all go, which they do, at Madison Square Garden the next night. The crowd seems to love Armadillo, and Steve is pleased the guy found honest work, anyway. He decides to see him after the match, since how many of his bad guys had ever gone straight? You could maybe count that on your thumbs at that point. Going backstage, Cap accidentally steps in on Ramon and Bonita, in an embrace and seemingly plotting. Cap chats with Armadillo, who starts to mention he wasn't cured of his condition at his wife's suggestion; then when Bonita comes in, Cap doesn't feel like it was his place to say anything; later Clint, Bobbi, and Bernie have to agree. Yes, but...

The next day, while packing up Bernie's apartment, breaking news: the Armadillo was tearing up 34th street, which looks like a crowded mess maybe before that. His manager tries to talk him down, and gets thrown away: a cop manages to break his fall, possibly with his spine. The cops then try to tear-gas him, which doesn't work; then Cap tries to talk him down. Armadillo considers Cap got lucky beating him before, and throws a manhole cover at him--not unlike Cap's shield! Cap has to block it, then has to save onlookers when Armadillo throws a car. Cap catches up to him, starting to climb the Empire State Building: I'm sure he doesn't mean to nag, but when Cap yells "Now what do you think you're doing?" it kinda feels like that.

Armadillo just wants Cap to keep the street clear, so he can kill himself without squashing anybody else; but Cap climbs up after him using the same clawed-in handholds he made. Cap tells him, he understands that pain: he was in the middle of a break-up himself. Still, Armadillo had been turned into, and then stayed, a monster for Bonita; who had been unfaithful maybe the whole time. Before Cap and try to argue against that, Hawkeye shows up on his sky-cycle: Cap tries to wave him off, but Armadillo takes the opportunity to jump. Despite putting a good-sized crater in the road, Armadillo survives, but too hurt to keep fighting. It's somehow more of a downbeat ending than if he had died, since next time we'd see him, Armadillo would be in the Vault. Oh, shoot: I remember the next issue also guest-stars Hawkeye, and maybe has an even sadder ending. Bernie goes off to law school, and Steve misses saying goodbye to her, because he was fighting...the Death-Throws. Man, I know you're a paragon of honesty, Cap, but nobody would've faulted you for a white lie on that one. "Sorry I missed you, sweetie, I was, uh, fighting Godzilla."