Finally, a superhero outfit that would show off my legs!

We saw the mighty Ultron banner some time back, and today we hoist high the Jolly Gwen! From 2017, the Unbelievable Gwenpool #10, written by Christopher Hastings, art by Gurihiru, cover by David Lopez.

Gwenpool rallies to save her merc friends (including Batroc!) from the squid-headed alien Teuthidans, but she has to make a number of sacrifices: she loses their base, pisses off rogue Doombot "Vinnie," and in deploying her army of henchmen, the "Poole Boys," her tailor Ronnie informs her that used up all the pink fabric, so she won't be getting pants anytime soon. But, while her friends are saved, they know they're now too hot to get hired by anybody, and have to disband. Even her ghost friend Cecil has to take off, to see his family; leaving Gwen alone, and feeling self-destructive...

This is a fluffy little marshmallow of an issue, wrapping up the current plotline and setting Gwen up on her own for a bit. I also feel like Harley Quinn did a similar bit to the Poole Boys, but can't recall if it was before or after. It's also fun to see Batroc not be a jerk, for a sec. Read more!

"Kicking Guy."

What does Batroc have common with Quentin Tare--nope, not going there. Are Batroc's feet all calloused and rough, or does he baby them? Hmm. Either way, I would not care to be on the receiving end of them.
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"Gun4Hire."

By the time bounty-hunter Paladin appeared in Daredevil #150 in 1978, I don't know that kids would've recognized the name from the old western TV show Have Gun--Will Travel, even though it ran for like six seasons and 225 episodes or so. I only started watching it recently, in reruns in the morning. It's kind of refreshing: a lot of shows lately have season-long arcs, on this one the bad guy is usually shot up inside of 22 minutes. Anyway, Marvel-Paladin wishes he was as cool as TV Paladin: I remember his appearances in Amazing Spider-Man and Captain America, both of which he was only successful because the hero had to be set back. A couple years back, we saw him get his legs broke by U.S.Agent in Punisher: No Escape.
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Say what you will about Batroc, he is inclusive...

The last Spider-Man/Captain America team-up we checked out tied into Spidey's current continuity quite a bit; this time was more on Cap's side: from 1976, Marvel Team-Up #52, "Danger: Demon on a Rampage!" Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Sal Buscema, inks by Mike Esposito.

A demon appears through a strange portal, arriving in the middle of a New York City street; it's shortly followed by the Falcon, his girlfriend Leila, Texas Jack, then a bunch of mentally ill extradimensional refugees, then finally Captain America! Where did they come from? The end of Captain America #203, a Jack Kirby issue involving the Night People and a standoff against demons. Cap doesn't really have time to recap anything, since Falcon was still brainwashed and crazy; the cops were rounding up the "madmen," and one patrolman is already blaming Spider-Man for this mess. The demon is seemingly forgotten, and wanders down an alley near the penthouse hideout of none other than Batroc the Leaper! Calling it "le diable," Batroc befriends it quickly. Enh, it could do worse.

Almost immediately thereafter, Batroc and Diable hit a S.H.I.E.L.D. transport, hoping to make off with some "trans-uranium." Cap was already in the area, and Spidey shows up shortly, cue four page fight. Le Diable begins glowing at the end of it, though; which Cap finds troubling even if Batroc thinks he's just trying to scare him. The poor monster fights his way onto a ferry, struggling to find a way home...to a dimension Cap may have already blown up. Together Cap and Spidey blow up Diable as well, with Spidey having at least the decency to feel kind of bad about it.

Later, as Peter Parker gets his aunt from the hospital (and Mary Jane needles him) he sees a moping Cap, and wonders what it would be like to be an adored hero like him, with no problems...as his internal monologue goes on and on about his problems. Cap is seemingly still worried about the Falcon, who might've been okay by their next issue, so maybe Peter has a point.
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Can I tell you a secret?

I'm not super excited for DC's Convergence or Marvel's Secret Wars. There's a couple maybes in there, but I'm not sure of any I'd go to the comic shop and request pulled; and both events sound like just nightmares for retailers--go read Brian Hibb's Tilting at Windmills on the subject. "Please stock multiple copies of 80-plus titles, on the off chance I may try an issue or two."

If they were one-shots, the number I'd consider would probably go up: take for example Guggenheim and Pacheco's Squadron Sinister. I dig Pacheco's art, and the concept can probably carry 48 pages; but I don't know if I'd even buy a second issue of it. Looking around, I didn't even see a checklist yet. Ennis and Braun's Where Monsters Dwell looks great, but is it a four issue limited? Six? Twelve? An "ongoing" title? Same with Inferno and maybe Years of Future Past.

On the other hand, I am excited for Batroc and Hellcat, both of which I found at a local Wal-Mart the other day! Missed out on Spider-Woman, and I haven't decided yet if I need to pick up the movie-style Cap, Hulk, and Iron Man to build Thanos. I just bought the Marvel Select one a while ago, so we'll see.

Hellcat had just the tiniest drop of blue paint on her chest, but I gave her a jade key thing, that kind of reminded me of the White Tiger pendant things from seventies Marvel books. Did Hellcat have those at some point? I'd have to look it up. Anyway, it was from a McFarlane Twisted Land of Oz Dorothy figure, if memory serves.

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Today: some perfectly cromulent Punisher comics!

Spinrite has spun my computer rite, er, right; so why not get back on point with a pleasant little comic I paid $1.25 for in 1992 and a quarter for last week: the Punisher #67, "Swiss Timing (Eurohit part 4 of 7)" Written by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning, pencils by Dougie Braithewaite, inks by Al Williamson.

After a Chuck Dixon fill-in, Abnett and Lanning were taking over the main Punisher book from Mike Baron, who had been writing it for five years or so. (I loved Baron's Punisher, although sometimes it seemed the issues were plotted by an elaborate plot wheel: "In...Brunswick...the Punisher kills...heroin smugglers...with...two lead pipes and ten feet of hose? OK, whatever.") And Braithewaite was a new and refreshingly solid artist: not overly flashy, but good, and apparently fast enough to cover the book while it was on sale twice a month. (Your guess is as good as mine how many Punisher comics Marvel would've been putting out a month in 1992; probably between four to six? With guest-spots to boot?)

This was the Punisher's European adventure, as the Kingpin plots to consolidate and then eliminate the major crime families in Europe, then take over. This was coupled with Wilson Fisk controlling interest in the burgeoning Eurotunnel project; but was also undermined by repeated editorial notices that these issues took place prior to Daredevil #300, where the Kingpin was exposed and brought down. (Although not put away, he would be off the board for some time.) Batroc makes a welcome appearance as a mercenary working for the Kingpin's mercenary, Snakebite.

Later in the same issue, Frank also gets kicked in the face by the Tarantula--the second one, not the one that ended up turned into a giant spider. He and Batroc kick it out a couple times over the course of the storyline, with Batroc seemingly outclassing his opponent, but forgetting an important detail.

I read these at the time, but they may have been close to the last regular Punisher books I read for some years, until Garth Ennis brought him back. I found three through seven of Eurohit in a quarter bin, only a pity the first two weren't handy as well.

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Bite my tongue: Zaran and Machete were an improvement.

Way back around Captain America #302 or so, Batroc unveils the newest incarnation of Batroc's Brigade, which is less impressive than it sounds since it's just two other guys. To be fair, one of them, Zaran, has given Shang-Chi a hard time of it more than once; but with an Asian martial artist, a guy named Machete from south of the border that uses...machetes, and 'ze mastair ov savate,' they might as well have called themselves the Ethnic Stereotype League. (Pronounced 'Easel'? As in, when your evil plan can't stand on it's own, get Easel!)


But this 'Brigade' is somehow less impressive, even though it has more guys. Probably because, it's just some guys. I had thought Captain America #149 was going to be their first appearance, but my issue is coverless, so I pulled it from GCD and it looks like it isn't. Were the Swordsman and the Living Laser called Batroc's Brigade when they teamed with him? If so, they need to have a serious talk with Batroc about billing.

This is kind of a weird issue all the way around: Cap is thinking things over hanging out at a S.H.I.E.L.D. installation, when Nick Fury asks him to join S.H.I.E.L.D. full-time. Cap declines, saying he needs to devote more time to his partnership with the Falcon; and Fury doesn't take the no graciously, taking a swing at Cap and declaring him persona non grata with S.H.I.E.L.D. This also effectively shoots Cap's love life in the foot, as Nick specifically forbids Agent 13 Sharon Carter from dealing with him. I don't know if there was an in-story reason for Nick flying off the handle, or if this was just another situation of a new writer trying to reset Cap's status quo as quickly as possible.

Leaving S.H.I.E.L.D. behind, Cap switches back to Steve Rogers, and reports to work as a cop, now assigned to a patrol car. Captain America, indeed, the idea of most super-heroes working as a police officer in their secret identity...how do I put this gently? Goddamn moronic? Is that too harsh? I know Nightwing was also working the cop by day, costumed vigilante by night angle: still, moronic. For one thing, I'm not sure an officer's shifts are that flexible, and it's hard to think of another job that would be more difficult to ditch out of for superhero hijinks. For another, it seems like the fast path to burnout, or confusing the two: hitting a jaywalker with your shield or reading the Red Skull his miranda or something. Lastly, I'm not sure how great a cop Cap's going to be, if he can't recognize Batroc out of costume. Seriously? How many people are roaming around with that mustache? Yukon Cornelius is the only other guy I can think of...I don't think Cap has ever seen Batroc unmasked--he mentions that one issue--and it seems like this has happened more than once: Cap sees a guy in plainclothes with a crazy mustache, but can't quite place him, Batroc shows up twenty minutes later. I'd just rough up everyone I saw with facial hair. Just in case.

In the subplot, the Falcon is taking an incredible amount of crap from his girlfriend while trying to track down some stolen children; who were of course stolen by Batroc, who naturally was working for the Stranger. Oh, well, that makes perfect sense...hey!


For those of you not familar with him, the Stranger made appearances in books like the original Uncanny X-Men and Fantastic Four back in the day, but is probably most recognized as a chair-filler whenever there's one of those big cosmic collections of omnipotent heavyweights like Eternity, Galactus, Master Order and Lord Chaos, and so on. Not a great looking character, and the shortest description of him would probably be, 'alien scientist dickweed,' as he's not above kidnapping lab rats for his experiments, which included Magneto at one point.

The other defining characteristic of the Stranger is that his origin is never the same twice, either because he's a lying bastard, or no one remembers his origin from one time to the next. He's been the condensed lifeforce of an entire alien race, he was supposed to be the back face on the Living Tribunal, and he always shows up at events like the Infinity Gauntlet, even though if he was so great, he probably wouldn't need a whole planet's worth of science fair exhibits. But, we'll save that for another time. Long story short, he's one of the last characters I'd have expected to turn up in Captain America #149, "All the Colors of Evil!" Written by Gerry Conway, art by Sal Buscema, inks by Jim Mooney. Read more!