"Case."

So I was going to try to be a bit more selective in my figure purchases, and maybe try to avoid buying some characters I already have maybe more than one of. And then I buy this new Spider-Man 2099, because he is a bit of improvement on the old one: perhaps taking a cue from the Spider-Verse movies, Miguel is a bit beefier than Peter. He probably has a more forceful voice than Peter usually would, too.

I mostly just wanted to establish some of the regulars were out, but I am curious about Howard and Death's Head's case; we'll see if I ever make it back to that.

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I was blogging this on the strength of the cover; I wasn't expecting bangers here!

It's a Patrick Olliffe cover, for Amazing Spider-Man Family #3: the guy did Untold Tales of Spider-Man and still has it! But, it's covering a solid package of tales, some of which maybe even weren't reprints?

J.M. DeMatteis and Val Semeiks come out swinging (boo!) with "The Punch." Set very early after Peter first became Spider-Man, he fantasizes about giving Flash Thompson the what-for; until he accidentally wrecks a guy knocking over a convenience store. (Or 'bodega,' I guess; I've never been to NYC!) It looks like a Sal Buscema punch, which is great for hitting the Scorpion or the Rhino, but does a number on a regular person. As you can guess, Peter's pretty distraught after that one, especially when he tries to visit the guy in the hospital and just scares him more! Still, Aunt May puts him back on the right track, with Uncle Ben's video collection--no, not like that! It's a bunch of action movies, but Peter remembers what Ben told him about heroism; and later puts his spider-strength to better use, saving bystanders from a falling crane, including the attempted robber, who is also inspired to turn it around. And, it ends with a conversation between Peter and Flash, that maybe makes their later friendship make more sense.

Next, a couple alternate reality stories: a "Mr. and Mrs. Spider-Man" tale, with the titular couple taking May to the emergency room...and recognizing the Rhino, plainclothes, bringing in his nanna! ("Common Ground," written by Tom DeFalco, art by Todd Nauck.) And, a bit of silliness, with "the Amazing Spider-Ma'am," an Aunt May that knew her nephew's secret, but played along. (Written by Abby Denson, art by Colleen Coover.) Then, one I think from the Marvel Adventures line, "Bridge and Tunnel" A snowy evening on the subway is made a mess when Spidey tries to catch a nickel-and-dime crook with a remarkable propensity for fleeing, and usually fleeing directly into the path of danger. The kind of guy that would run away from Spidey, directly into oncoming traffic. (Written by Stuart Moore, pencils by Val Semeiks, inks by Mark Irwin.)

But, I was most impressed with the last reprint: all of "Best of Enemies" from Spectacular Spider-Man #200! (Written by J.M. DeMatteis, art by Sal Buscema.) This would be the final battle between Spidey and the Harry Osborn Green Goblin, and it's a classic...that gets stepped on later for Brand New Day to bring Harry back like nothing happened. I'm behind on my current continuity, I think Harry's died again since maybe. Read more!

I think Doom just wants it for the big 'd,' it's a branding thing.

This one at least shows why about every Doom figure comes with the book now: From 2021, Darkhold: Alpha #1, written by Steve Orlando, art by Cian Tormey, color art by Jesus Aburtov.

Deep within Abysmia, beneath the United States, Doctor Doom's robots and his herald Victorious, discover the one, true, original Darkhold: previously seen incarnations were "a copy of a copy," which was perhaps inadvertently a safety measure. Reading from the true Darkhold caused madness, as the Scarlet Witch well knows: she has a vision of the usual terrible future to come, and tries to head Victor off, despite their past history. Which, um, your guess is as good as mine: that might be from the Children's Crusade, but it might be implied they knew each other before Doom's face was wrecked. Still, Doom had already read the book, through the eyes of his Doombots, and now sought to prevent Chthon's rise for his own purposes. He reads a story from the book, for her to interpret: how five defenders had once driven Chthon into exile, at the cost of their sanity. Wanda thinks they need to form a new team, with five in those roles; Doom declares that wouldn't be necessary, as he had all five aspects within himself, and heads off to confront Chthon alone. (Victorious believed it was too dangerous, and tries to go in his stead; only for Victor to condescendingly remind her, who did she think she was talking to? Nothing was beyond Doom!)

Wanda has to summon a dreamer, a fool, a stoic, a hunter, and an artist: she gets Iron Man, Blade, Wasp, Spider-Man, and Black Bolt. Can you figure out who was what? While they're caught up on the stakes, Doom returns from Chthon's "other-world," which kind of looks like an alternate earth Chthon had already taken over. Victor looks like crap, like the remains of his face are leaking out of his mask; but while he thinks the heroes are doomed and leaves Victorious to aid them, he won't reveal anything else of what had happened, and immediately takes off "...to consider," and prepare. That really feels like Doom got his ass kicked but won't admit it.

The heroes are told, they have to read a bit from the Darkhold; just enough to "temper" themselves with madness. This fails miserably, and they mutate into new, red-themed outfits: evil Spidey points out "what about madness inspires self-restraint?" As the new Darkhold Defiled, could Chthon be stopped...? Evil Iron Man also appeared to be leaking flesh from his armor, which might make him the most striking of the bad heroes; each of whom would get their own Darkhold one-shot to be evil, or fight it off, either or. This would then wrap up in Darkhold: Omega, which appeared to be bringing back a long-forgotten, and probably previously misused, character. I think there's also a fairly big retcon here: that every appearance of the Darkhold prior, had just been a copy? But...that copy, it and at least some of the pages, had been just about indestructible themselves! That seems like it's giving Chthon a lot of juice, which may or may not be justified. Read more!

I hope your expression is more Ham's than Spidey's today!

 

I'm not sure if Soul Coughing's reunion tour came anywhere near here, but I don't exactly have my ear to the ground for that sort of thing anymore: I missed Garbage last month, since I didn't hear about it until the day afterwards, and I'm still sore about that one. Anyway, this song has always reminded me of really, really old cartoons; so perfect for today! From 2020, Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham #3/23, written by Zeb Wells, art by Will Robson.

Midway through this mini-series, and Spiders-Ham and Man have been chasing someone that also had a dimensional teleporter: this issue, they're back in WWII, and Spider-Ham has taken...a really off-putting 30's animation style form! He also seems to rhyme a lot, which probably doesn't help: Spidey has a rarely seen somewhat dismayed expression in his eyes, even the webbing pattern on his mask seems downcast. They almost catch the gasmasked malefactor, but he escapes again.

Meanwhile, back on the funny-animal Earth-8311, the collected heroes and villains are going to fight to save their world from becoming less cartoony; as soon as they settle on a name for the event. Captain Americat, and the rest, realize they kinda miss Spider-Ham; and settle on the event name "Aporkalypse!" Ham sees this, in an inset panel...Using the power of the Bee-yonder, the Spiders chase the bad guy, first through a gritty Dark Knight-style universe, then a comic strip version; with Spider-Ham changing to match both times. They then fall into the space between universes, where Spider-Ham sticks his head through a hole and can see the story, like it's a comic book! (The newspaper strip-style J.Jonah Jameson yells as they depart "WE DON'T GET META AROUND HERE! WE SERVE AN OLDER AUDIENCE!") Ham also peeks in on the crossover, a pretty solid double-pager, and hey, there's a Nightcrawler in there! You know I'm all about that nonsense.

After a lot of gawking through at other points in the story, the Spiders have a moment for what is probably the throughline for this one: Ham was feeling like he was always in the way, or didn't fit in, which was why the Bee-yonder was changing him to 'fit' wherever they went. Spidey has to admit, Ham was a hero, and had a lot of fight in him, even if nothing else made a helluva lot of sense. In a devastated future, the Spiders catch up with the bad guy, as Cap and the X-imals do the same on 8311, setting up a double reveal: Spider-Ham is right, it's pretty cool, for Kangaroo the Conqueror! Who blames Spider-Ham for the destruction of their world!

Solid fun, even if Spidey looks (and acts) like he would rather be anywhere else. Also, I feel like the cover is a homage to something, but can't nail it down. 
 

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An unexpected outbreak of Morbin' time!

I hesitate to mention it, in case it was somehow in error and would be corrected; but I had more than two Battlegrounds matches for Contest of Champions recently where Morbius just wrecked Doctor Doom! I think every so often updates happen for game balance, but Morby might've lucked out on that one. Also, I saw his movie in the five-dollar bin at Wal-Mart, and damn near hadda call my son to make sure I already had it; and we've got a recent dollar book with him, so everything's coming up Morbius! From 2024, the Amazing Spider-Man: Blood Hunt #3, written by Justina Ireland, pencils by Marcelo Ferreira and Chris Campana, inks by Roberto Poggi and Craig Yeung.

The cover makes it look like something bad is going to happen to ol' Morby, but not like that: in the middle of the unending night of the Blood Hunt crossover, a corporation has been turning people into vampires, so it can profit of the cure Morbius was creating. With Colleen Wing vampirized, it's up to Spidey, Misty Knight, and the Lizard to bust into a building full of vampires for the cure. (The corporation, Hemoglobin Inc., seemed like it was going to water down said cure, or dole in out in same fashion that victims would have to keep paying for treatment; which is unfortunately realistic.)

Morbius does have a cure, but is also sick of never having funding, proper equipment, a lab that wasn't in the sewers, etc. He's also mad that while he can cure Hemoglobin Inc's newly-created vamps, he still can't cure himself or other kinds of vampirism. Spidey's like, sucks, but still kinda impressive? And Morbius does move to save the cure when a Lizard/vampire fight endangers it, since he doesn't want anyone to have to be like him. Maxine Danger of the Beyond Corporation swoops in at the end, to ruin the Hemoglobin CEO's day: he used to be her assistant, and had signed non-competes! He's seemingly dragged back to work at Beyond (literally dragged, in a vampire-proof silver net!) while Maxine gives Morbius the use of the lab and facilities. (With the Lizard as like his lab partner? He doesn't really say anything in this one, so I'm not sure what he's up to.) But while a lot of people are cured, including Colleen, this really didn't have anything to do with the bigger endless night thing; it was just a shady businessman trying to take advantage: disaster capitalism again. Although, I hate to admit it, the people that were turned into fake vampires were probably saved from being turned into real vampires; I don't know if any of the latter were cured, and I read Blood Hunt. It was one of those Marvel events that feels not like it ends, but it just...stops? Because there was another event already coming, the big Doom one, that I haven't touched at all. Read more!

I thought it was weird Todd had even drawn Paladin twice.

I'm also 80% sure this issue did not need to be reprinted at the time; it was probably widely available in quarter bins and such. From 1989, Marvel Tales #231, reprinting 1981's Marvel Team-Up #108, "Something Wicked This Way Kills!" Plot by Tom DeFalco, script by David Michelinie, pencils by Herb Trimpe, inks by Mike Esposito. New cover by Todd McFarlane.

Todd did Marvel Tales covers from #223 to #239, starting with reprinting the classic Doc Ock/Death of Captain Stacy storyline, then shifting to mostly Marvel Team-Up issues with mutants. This would include a trifecta with Dazzler, so you've got Todd doing a pretty sharp classic Dazzler, with a bunch of hacky jokes about her, being a mutant, and/or disco. She doesn't make the cover this time, but Paladin does; and I remembered Todd had drawn him on the cover of Amazing #321...and had forgot about #320. Huh.

Anyway, this issue. This was back in the day when Peter Parker was a teaching assistant at Empire State, and here he catches an earful from a coach for flunking a star player. The guy only answered three questions out of fifty; so yeah. Spidey's also on the trail of a strange "street stalker," who seemed to be sucking the heat out of his victims; and Peter Parker was also trying to get back on top, since Lance Bannon had been getting the big pictures lately. Patrolling the park, Spidey of course gets into the traditional Marvel misunderstanding brawl with Paladin, who was working the case for cash, but ditches out for a date, leaving Spidey to get a victim to the hospital: predictably, Lance gets a picture of Spidey holding the victim, which J.Jonah Jameson just adores. It of course won't last, but JJJ is ridonkulously happy, like that Vince McMahon meme: "Pictures!...Pictures of Spider-Man!...Pictures of Spider-Man, committing a crime!...Pictures of Spider-Man, committing a crime, NOT from that weasel Parker!"

Spidey catches up with Paladin outside a fancy restaurant, where he was meeting his client; and Spidey has to suffer the indignity of being forced to wear a tie to get in. The client was the stalker's husband, and she tells a sob story of a lab accident involving microwaves, a radiation-absorbing suit, and vitamins? Sure, why not. Spidey isn't sure he would be able to help, which Paladin assumes was a bargaining ploy for a better payoff: Paladin has a hearty laugh when he finds out Spidey didn't do that for cash, which feels like a missed shot for an "action is his reward" crack. Later, as the increasingly unstable scientist takes up the name "Thermo" and kills a co-worker he thought was going after his wife; Spidey and Paladin get serious...seriously beat-down. Dazzler has a cameo, since she'd be in the next issue; but she decides to see what the hubbub is about after she finishes her makeup, while Thermo drains the heat out of Spidey...!

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Midtown High must've had a helluva Home Ec. class, if Peter and Flash can both knock out costumes.

It doesn't necessarily follow that Flash's costume design would be so close to Peter's, though. From 2018, What If? Spider-Man #1, "What If Flash Thompson had become Spider-Man?" Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Diego Olortegui, inks by Walden Wong.

I might as well be wishing for a pony here, but I wish What If? still had regular numbering, instead of a big pile of #1's or event-related mini-series. This particular issue was after, um, whatever mini-series where the original Nick Fury got sent to live on a farm upstate was made "the Unseen," to live on the moon and bear witness like the Watcher used to; which included What If? hosting duties again. (It was Original Sin, and the numbering on that one looks a mess.) Oddly enough, Marvel had done a version of Spider-Flash before, in What If? #76: Peter takes a bit more hands-on approach to deal with him there, and that was the last issue of that series with Uatu hosting.

The trigger event of Flash attending a certain science fair, leads to him getting the powers, at least two deaths, and a lot of excessive force: Flash wasn't a scientist, so his Spider-Man doesn't seem to have webs. Still, he seems more accepted as a hero, in large part by the endorsement of J.Jonah Jameson, despite the fact that Flash had not saved JJJ's son John. (It's unclear if Flash had tried and failed, or wasn't there.) Peter Parker was still taking pictures of Spider-Man, since he needed the money for Aunt May's blood cancer treatment. But, when the isotope needed for that is stolen by the Master Planner, Peter follows a tracker he had placed on Spider-Man, to Flash's trailer-park home, and discovers Flash's secret. Flash does not take it well, as he had a lot of resentment towards "smart guys" turning people against him, and lashes out, killing Peter with one punch.

Stunned, Flash tries to redeem himself by tracking down the Master Planner and getting the isotope; but long-time readers would remember, the Master Planner was Doctor Octopus! Flash takes out a load-bearing pillar in the fight, setting up the traditional "Spidey lifts heavy stuff" moment, but not by overcoming self-doubt like Peter had to, but by acknowledging he was not a hero, and would have to make amends. In the end, Aunt May is saved, if devastated at the news that Peter was dead; and Flash turns himself in to face the music. (I feel like Flash wouldn't really defend himself, but probably wouldn't serve a lot of time: the government or S.H.I.E.L.D. or something would put him to work.) Read more!

"We got three covers of Spidey's head already. Maybe we could do, I dunno, Mary Jane?" "Nah, just throw the Spider-Signal up there or something."

Although, let's double-check this with the GCD: this issue hit stands July 22, 1986. Marvel Tales #193 with a Ditko-esque Spidey was out July 11. Amazing #282 with the black suit was July 29, and (deep breath) the all-new, all daring Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #120 with half-black costume, half-Peter, was out August 20. I looked all that up, because my vague recollection had been that Web was usually the first Spidey book of the month, but maybe not? Or at least not for Marvel's 25th Anniversary here. And as is sometimes the case, I'm nattering on about a minor point because man, I am not sure the rest of this one is going to have aged well...From 1986, Web of Spider-Man #20, "Little Wars!" No credits, oddly; but probably written by David Michelinie, art by Marc Silvestri. Border art, and probably cover, by John Romita.

A clever editor could probably have packaged a trade of these stories, like "Spidey's World Tour," where Peter Parker gets sent somewhere on assignment for the Bugle, things immediately go to hell, and Spidey has to swoop in while also trying to protect his secret identity. Today, he and Joy Mercado are in London, and there's a bombing before they get out of the airport. Irish terrorists are trying to kill someone named Bartlett, but their bomb went off early: Peter manages to sneak away, under Joy's suggestion to try and get pictures, and knocks out a gunman without being seen. Both Joy and Peter are then stricken at going from a scene of death and tragedy, to a fancy limo: J.Jonah Jameson was trying to establish Now magazine as a player, and was throwing some dough around. Which totally seems like a thing JJJ would do, then blow his stack when he gets the receipts later, and start charging employees to use the elevator or something.

Joy gives Peter the brief explanation of Ireland's ongoing attempts to reunify, which she attributes to "a fear of Spain invading England!" from hundreds of years ago. Yeah, maybe look that up: that seems like a fair short answer, but there's probably about 90 other factors. Later, Peter has dinner with Joy, who should be way out of his league, but he's made some pulls...not tonight, though, as she declines an offer to see the sights. Mainly, because she has a meeting with a snitch--I would've said 'source,' but he calls himself that, so--who gives her documents from Roxxon. And even though he says it isn't his responsibility to police the whole planet, Peter still suits up and breaks into prison, to shake some information out of the captured terrorist. (The black suit wasn't world-known at that point, I suppose; but it was good for intimidation.) He then sneaks into a secret meeting of the "Red Hand," as they plan an attack tomorrow; but the bobbies show up. Wait, probably not bobbies, this'd be the riot squad, since they're armed and launch tear gas. Unseen, Spidey helps out so the cops don't charge into a hail of bullets; but several Red Handers escape through tunnels.

Out late and tear-gassed, Peter looks like he partied hard in the morning, but Joy tells him to keep it together, as they go through security...for a speech by Margaret Thatcher? Ergh. Politely--massively euphemistically--she was a divisive figure, and this story is probably based on a real-life IRA assassination attempt October 12, 1984. Midway through her speech, Peter remembers hearing "foundations" and realizes the Red Hand were going to try to blow up the building from beneath. He ducks out, and stops them after a brief skirmish that's mostly keeping them from setting off explosives: after Spidey disarms their Wile E. Coyote-ACME style plunger detonator, one tries to set the explosives off with a grenade, which Spidey webs away, but the pin had been pulled. The terrorist tries to get to the grenade, but is badly injured, and would likely die.

Peter probably reeks of the sewers and gunpowder when he gets back, and Joy gives him a bit of hassle since he seemed to be having trouble hearing. She wants to pursue the story, but that would involve going to Dublin; and their expenses were only covered for Thatcher's speech. (Peter notices, she knew it was the Red Hand...) But, after the cop from the airport tells them a little girl died from the bombing there, Joy and Peter make plans to go on...

Ooh, let's say something good first: this was before his run on Uncanny X-Men, but Silvestri already had it going on. And while it was probably harder to see in the moment...maybe...this reminds me of Captain America #344, where Cap saves...ugh...Ronald Reagan. Thatcher and Reagan were contemporaries, and agreed on a lot of things: I don't know if everything terrible in Britain can be traced back to her, like just about everything awful here goes back to Reagan; but probably. It is in Spidey's nature to try and save everybody, though. Ireland is, to date, still not united. As an ugly American, I probably shouldn't even have an opinion on this, but my sympathies lie with them and Scottish independence.

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Having fun in unfun times:

Not even specifically at a wake, but that's what we have today: from 2007, Punisher War Journal #4, "Small Wake for a Tall Man" Written by Matt Fraction, art by Mike Deodato.

I had to go back through the blog, and I've read other stuff from Fraction I've liked better; even other issues of this series. But, I maybe see what he was trying to do here, and I might be hindered by continuity; which was kind of only a suggestion at Marvel at the time, even if Fraction maybe uses some correctly here. At a crummy, smelly bar in New York City, it's the wake for Wilbur Day, a.k.a. Stilt-Man. I want to say I feel like I've seen him die like three times already, but I mainly remember in Bendis's Daredevil, Wilbur (or some other Stilt-Man?) angrily giving Matt Murdock his stilt-suit when Matt was outed as DD. Armadillo and the Masked Marauder are the first to show--I know I've seen the Maruader kick the bucket before--and there's a Doombot in attendance, set up to impress Wilbur's widow.

More villains show up, as well as some I wouldn't label as such: Prowler, Will o'the Wisp, the Gibbon, Dragon Man. Dragon Man's a big, angry robot; why would you bring him to this? In a crowd shot, we see guys like the Absorbing Man, the Answer, Puma, and Ringer; pretty sure at least two of them had been dead for a stretch too. Also, older magic-guy Xandu from Marvel Team-Up #21/Marvel Treasury Edition #22 is there! That's one of the first Marvel comics I can remember reading; and there's not much logical reason for him to be there aside from crowd-filler. 

The "Widow Day" makes a striking entrance: it's Princess Python! She hisses with a forked tongue, when the Cat Burglar tries to lay down his game at her; that was new. The Prowler explains why he was there: when he had been just a window-washer, Stilt-Man nearly killed him trying to get away from Daredevil. DD saved him, but being pissed at Stilt-Man still inspired Prowler to put his own gadgets to work and costume up, briefly as a villain. Everyone's drinking and remembering better times, when super fights were just shenanigans; at least until the Rhino picks a fight with Armadillo and the bar goes nuts. It's mostly fun and games, no one really getting hurt.

The fight stops dead when Spider-Man arrives, with a stern "at his wake, guys?" He also scolds Prowler out of there, while Princess Python throws up at him. This was post-Civil War, for the like 20 minutes that his identity was known, so she drunkenly calls him "Peedershpidermun." Spidey tells everyone, be careful: "The world's not...it's not so fun anymore, you know?"

The Eel calls Spidey a class act, but is shouted down by the Masked Marauder, who can't believe a bar full of villains just let him lecture them and then go. They could be great again, he argues: they just have to want it. Which is about when people start puking. Not because they couldn't hold their liquor, but because they'd been poisoned, and the Marauder sees a cocktail napkin with a Punisher-skull on it, before things start exploding. The Marauder may have been the narrator for part of the story, but it switches back to Frank in the end: "I don't know about you, but I celebrate loss every day. But some days I get to celebrate it with fireworks."

...how often do we see Frank poison anybody? I know he's a "work smarter" kind of guy, and going against villains with powers would need an edge, but still. And there's a bunch of guys there, that maybe don't deserve to be murdered? Although I'm sure Frank would say, "lay down with dogs..." I have a soft-spot for Princess Python, from her disasterous stint in the Serpent Society: she quickly realized, she was equipped for theft and light-to-medium grifting, not fighting things like MODOK. Gibbon is a sad sack in a funny gorilla suit, who seemingly dies tragically every other appearance: he just wanted attention. Puma and Armadillo get roped into a lot of nonsense, but I don't think either was a bad guy. This felt a lot like some late 80's Flash comics, where Barry's old Rogues' Gallery was portrayed as wacky crooks with a competitive streak, not murdering monsters: of course, most of them were transitioned into murdering monsters eventually.

Also, the back cover of this one is a Nissan ad, suggesting "You could pretty much live in it," which, um. Not aged well. 

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It's not a guarantee that snack cakes would turn the day around, but I'll chance it.

Kind of a blah day today, but we've got a second for a book that restores a grievous error, or at least mentions it! From 2024, Spider-Boy #10, "Spider-Boy Versus...the Spider-Verse!" Written by Dan Slott, art by Nathan Stockman.

I haven't got around to picking up his action figure yet, but the OAFE review recaps his deal pretty clearly: when some other heroes were brought back by the Web of Life and Destiny, Spider-Boy also returned!...even if he really hadn't been around before; you just don't remember. This issue, Bailey Briggs had tried to get Arana and Madame Web to fix the spell that brought him back, since most didn't remember him, and his mom was missing. As usual, the spell goes awry, casting Spider-Boy into different Spider-Verses, starting here with Earth-67 (60's animated) Spidey, then Earth-51914, the Hostess--er, Mostess snack cake one!

Arana asks, how could that be, wasn't the snack cake Spidey killed by Morlun? Silk explains, during a previous Spider-Verse thingee, she "broke Morlun open, like a big ol' Spider-totem pinata," restoring if not all, most of the ones that had died. Yay!

Bailey continues getting dragged through the Spider-Verse, with a brief visit with Mayday/Spider-Girl, then a stop with all the Spideys and the Beyonder from the series finale of the 90's Fox cartoon. Bailey gets a little emotional, since he was just a little kid, and thought everyone was going to forget him, as he fades away...the end?

Not quite! Madame Web goes to plain old 616-Spidey for help, and asks him to make a sacrifice: during a Spider-Verse thing, Peter had been severed from the Web of Life, and got to spend a life with Uncle Ben, without being Spider-Man. He sacrifices those memories, to restore Bailey, with a joke about how he was pretty sure that kid still owed him five bucks. Wait, he was Spider-Boy three years ago? What was he, four? Bailey excitedly says he has to call his mom, while Madame Web omniously whispers there may be a cost to be paid... Read more!

Beating up the Green Goblin, easy-peasy. Beating up the Green Goblin and a nonagenarian, wah, that's too hard!

His fists are so bony! And he smells like soup! This issue, Aunt May in the hospital is the free Bingo space, can Spidey fight his way out of a plastic bag, and not a reveal, but the prime suspect is crossed off; all this and more, from 1978, Amazing Spider-Man #179, "The Goblin's Always Greener...!" Written and edited by Len Wein, illustrated by Ross Andru, embellished by Mike Esposito.

It probably isn't the least-dignified death-trap Spidey's ever been stuck in, but this starts off with the Goblin already having him in the bag: a clear "polymer plastic!" Spidey says is stronger than steel (Mylar?) but he could be panicking, either from the air running out, or because he had to get to the hospital for Aunt May. Luckily for him, there's help at hand: a thug with a bazooka! OK, that was a surprise, coming into this somewhat cold; but the Goblin and Silvermane were facing off for control of New York's underworld, which apparently hinged on whoever caught Spidey and turned him over to the bosses? I guess there's worse ways to decide this stuff, so...The Goblin's glider is damaged, forcing him to retreat, and he drops Spidey, who busts out of the bag but still lands in a dumpster. The mobsters, somewhat dated even then but very dapper in their little suits and hats, are clearly overjoyed as they cuff Spidey and take him for a ride...for about a block, before Spidey recovers and kicks the crap out them, and their car.

Peter gets to the hospital, but Aunt May had already been taken into surgery. The Green Goblin arrives back at his hideout, where he monologues to a tied-up man with a bag over his head, reiterating the Silvermane plot, as well as how he couldn't stand to look at his hostage's face. Back at the hospital, Robbie Robertson shows up, because he's the coolest; but after Aunt May is out of the woods, J.Jonah Jameson calls him with a job for Peter: get some pictures of a riot over at Radio City Music Hall! Since Aunt May would be under for a while, Spidey gets there for a Silvermane/Green Goblin fight, already in progress. Silvermane had several gunsels with him, as well as some arm candy that was probably not a quarter of his age and had to be purely ornamental: I'm not looking it up, but pretty sure this issue predates Viagra. Although he gets held up when he trips over his girl, and was probably older than Aunt May, Silvermane puts up a good fight--this was well before he became a cyborg--and he does pull off a nice throw, hitting Spidey with the Goblin! But when the three of them are punching each other on the Goblin's glider, they all fall...

Meanwhile, back at the Goblin's hideout, his hostage manages to cut his ropes on a shard of metal, and removes the bag, revealing...Harry Osborn? Then who was this Green Goblin? And what would Harry do about it? The next issue would have the reveal, although I apologize, for indexing purposes the GCD links have spoilers! Also, I can't recall if that Green Goblin had the same treatment that gave the others super-strength; but I suppose he must have, or his head would get knocked off the first time Spidey actually hits him. (This is also why I can't for the life of me figure out why the current Spider-Man/Predator book is more than one issue: I know they probably don't want to show the Predator getting clowned on, but Spidey is way stronger, and the Pred wouldn't be able to sneak up on him! Unless they make up some nonsense reason to pad it.) Read more!