The local toy show was this weekend, and I'm pretty pleased with my haul this year. Also, while I went over budget, I didn't really: there was a sort of ideal target number, then a real number...And as usual, there were some vendors that brought comics. One had a new batch of cheap comics--a bunch of Donald Duck and Uncle Scrooge, which I seem to be finding all over lately: same thing happened recently with Legion of Super-Heroes, where some store puts a bunch out cheap, then everyone seems to be trying to unload them, like they were the newest not-hot book? And another guy had a pile of reasonably priced Savage Sword of Conan, that I really could've blown my budget on, and even now kinda wished I'd grabbed some more. Also, I should've put my glasses on and looked it up: I needed SS #218, the conclusion to the story from Conan's last issue, Conan the Barbarian #275. I did grab the last issue the guy had, though; #234: ooh, so close, that's the second-to-last issue! But we also grabbed the next one: from 1995, Conan the Savage #1, featuring "Hounds to the Slaughter" Written by Chuck Dixon, art by Enrique Alcatena; and "The Circles of Set" Written by Roy Thomas, art by Tim Conrad. Cover by Simon Bisley.

Before we get into the issue itself, I was kind of hoping the Wikipedia for Savage Sword of Conan would get a bit into the sales numbers. While the heat of the barbarian fad had understandably faded over like thirty years, SSoC was a rare beast that had a presence outside of the newsstand spinner rack or the direct market comic shops: as a black-and-white magazine, it was sold mostly away from those venues. I think it was Tegan that pointed out that it was always available in truck stops and convenience stores, racked with the tattoo and trucker mags. The only sales data I could pull in a brief search for 1995 from Comichron was 4700 units of SSoC #231 sold; but that would've just been numbers from comic shops and not necessarily indicative of the title's actual sales. Maybe if I'd bought all those later-run issues, I could've checked for a USPS Statement of Ownership for numbers; but what I'm getting at is I can't tell is Savage Sword's numbers were down or slipping or even bad. (Also, it was still only $2.25? A mainline comic at the time was $1.50 but a lot were $2.50-$2.95.) Was this a legit attempt to relaunch and inject some new life into Conan? Or did somebody at Marvel just have the bright idea that hey, you know what always boosts sales? A new number one! I strongly suspect it was the latter, especially since the relaunch here features Thomas and Dixon, who weren't exactly new blood. And I wonder if the change didn't somehow...break the spell? Not only did it snap a long run, but I worry that retailers weren't paying a ton of attention and maybe the change wasn't ordered or racked like it had been previously. Maybe they just didn't notice it on the order forms or on the racks under 'C' for Conan, I don't know; but Conan the Savage only ran 10 issues, with the last being May 1996. And that would be it for the barbarian, until the Dark Horse relaunch in 2004.

Anyways, on to the issue at hand: "Hounds to the Slaughter" is a fortress-siege number, which Conan in chains at the start of it for breaking a soldier's jaw, but proves his worth when he's still the only one to notice Vanir assassins sneaking in. A veteran of many sieges, from either end, Conan is full of helpful tips for the fort's new commander: clear the snowdrifts away from the walls before the enemy just walks in, all that chopping you hear means they're building a battering ram, and the last commander didn't die of a curse, he was poisoned by his servant. Still, the Vanir smash the gates and the Aquilonian legion, and Conan is forced to retreat after the commander is blinded after a hammer to the skull. Good, but only 24 pages; could've gone a bit longer and a bit harder.

The second feature, "The Circles of Set" has an interesting set-up, but maybe too much: in the desert, Conan finds an oasis, but ringed by a maze of walls and tunnels. Forced to enter in search of water, Conan finds a young woman, and a snake-man, albeit a type of snake-man he hadn't seen before. The woman bashes Conan over the head to defend the snake: it was her lover! She had been a dancer, and her guy was cursed by a priest of Set who wanted her for himself. They had almost made a life for themselves there, but the snake-man asks Conan to take her away, freeing her from any obligation to him. Which breaks the spell! The couple then ask, since they were back together, why didn't the spell come back; but Conan describes spells as like jars: once broken, they don't put themselves together again. 

I don't think this would've been the worst issue of SSoC I ever read, but as a new launch it didn't knock my socks off, either.

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I've mentioned other issues of this series that I've bought more than once, and I'm maybe missing one that I probably had, but today we've got one I hadn't read before! From 1985, Conan the King #27, "A Death in Stygia" Written by Alan Zelenetz, breakdowns by Marc Silvestri, finishes by Geof Isherwood.

A dark issue this time around, as a long-standing foe of Conan's returns, even if he isn't referred to by name here: Thoth-Amon. A fisherman and his wife had found his Serpent's Ring in a fish, and thought it would bring them good fortune: hard no there. The ring frees Thoth from the netherworld, and he wastes no time setting up with one of Conan's baron's, the inept failson Maloric. I would've expected him to be a bit more perturbed that Conan had managed to become a king, but he merely watches through his magic, disgusted at the barbarian's happy family life, but seeing potential in Conan's youngest son, Taurus.

Thoth tracks down the ring, but finds the fisherman and his wife murdered, their child seemingly dumbfounded by the loss. Summoning a spirit from the deeps, he is told the ring had been "claimed by one of his own kind,' which Thoth takes to mean a trip to Stygia was in order. In the cursed city of Neethu, within the black hyena sphinx, he finds a gathering of wizards, who have no idea about the Serpent Ring, but are also nowhere near a match for him even as a group. Thoth murders them all horribly, but then laments the impulsive overuse of his magics. He still had enough juice to look through the "mists of time," which mostly catches us up on Conan's regularly-scheduled plotlines, but is blocked from seeing who now had the ring. Furious, Thoth plans to find and kill them, and then Conan; while back at the fisherman's shack, the bodies are found by their neighbors, who are at least grateful the couple didn't have children to leave as orphans...and nearby, the formerly dumbfounded child contemplates the Ring, with evil eyes.

Despite having read so much Conan, I really don't know if I've seen Thoth-Amon that often? Possibly to avoid overuse, cheapening him; although I think Jason Aaron uses him in his King Conan story, as kind of a loser: Conan had become a king, had a family, lived a massively rich life; and what had Thoth-Amon done?

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I often say, if there's a full run of a mini-series in the cheap boxes, I'm obligated by law to buy it: well, I think I skipped Batman: Cacophany the other day. But I did get this run, that I don't think I had seen before: from 2006, Conan and the Midnight God #1, written by Joshua Dysart, pencils by Will Conrad, colors by Juan Ferreyra.

This was set early in the reign of King Conan, with a very pregnant Queen Zenobia: in an early scene, he's sitting in front of a mirror late at night, which doubtless felt odd to the barbarian. But his brooding is interrupted the next day, by the arrival of a delegation from Stygia: the "snake worshippers" are not given a warm welcome in Aquilonia, but Conan decides he needs to hear what was going on there. If you aren't Conan fans, well, Aquilonia was probably the mightiest and most prosperous nation of the time; while the sorcerous Stygia had been on a bit of a backslide: the ambassador, Ra-sidh, admits the Stygian economy had been wrecked by Thoth-Amon and they had been forced to seek peace. Conan is neither trusting nor especially sympathetic to the Stygians' plight...which might be worse than he could imagine. 

In a late-night drinking and strategy session with Pallantides, Conan grumbles that he'll probably have to start a war with somebody, just so everyone remembers Aquilonia was not to be stepped to. Pallantides wonders, if he was so disdainful of "civilization," why did he take over the country? Because he could. Later, Zenobia has a nightmare about Ra-sidh, and Conan tells the Stygian "to flee as if your life depended on it." Ra-sidh congratulates Conan on his coming heir, and when Zenobia goes into labor, Conan is about to go kill Ra-Sidh himself, but she begs him to stay, so he sends Pallantides, who tells his men it's not an act of war if there's no survivors to speak of it!

Ra-sidh proves more formidable than expected, using magic to kill Pallantides' men. (A more intense magic than Stygia's usual smoke and mystique; it looks like Ra-sidh is going full Human Torch there.) Zenobia survives the delivery, but the child is stillborn and not Conn, as longtime readers like me would've expected! Conan decides, it's time to unsheathe the sword of Aquilonia--its full armed might--and march on Stygia. No spoiler to say it doesn't go as expected, either. Oddly, in Dark Horse's main Conan title at the time, they were also doing a King Conan story: despite years of reading Conan comics, I don't have anywhere near as full a run of Dark Horse's books, so this one was new to me.

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Everyone had that one raft guide...

There's a fair bit of tourist rafting up around Glacier, and despite spending summers there for most of my life, I'm not 100% positive I've ever been? Yeah, I must have; I've been on the river a bit otherwise, but far prefer the lake. Also, I'm not positive I have all of any of these later Marvel Conan mini-series. Hell, I'm not even sure I have more than one issue of any of 'em! From 1998, Conan: River of Blood #1, written by Roland Green, art by Geof Isherwood.

In the jungles of the region known as the "Black Kingdoms," Conan and Valeria are rafting through it, with Valeria in a hurry to get back to the seas and out of the jungle. Not today, though! The rapids are a problem, as are the crocodiles; but the fight with the latter is called off by a scaly wizard, Enduin; who doesn't seem like a bad guy, just creeeeepy. He warns that the two local tribes, including his own, were particularly friendly; but offers the pair his guest place to stay in. What's he up to? If I ever find the next issue, I'll tell you! We covered an issue of Death Covered in Gold like six years back, and I still haven't found the rest of that one, either.

Still, nice art here! Isherwood was kind of the "new" Conan the Barbarian artist around 1987, and he looked even better on this one. Read more!

I wasn't expecting this, and I tossed the comic away from me like it was a snake.

Come for the Conan, but I'm not sure about the rest. From 2016, Dark Horse Presents #21, featuring "The Swamp King" Story and pencils by Aaron Lopresti, inks by Matt Banning.

This was maybe Dark Horse's third incarnation of this title? The original had run 162 issues from 1986 to 2000, then I read the three years of oversized issues from 2011 to 2014, and this series began 2014 as well. This particular issue was 52 pages, but I don't know if they always were: I bought this from the dollar bin because of the Conan cover, and we get a short where he opts to help a young woman rescue her sister from "the Swamp King," who is a bit more monstery than usual; he kinda looks like Hellboy should be clobbering him. Conan gets betrayed, but he'd gone into that one expecting it and was ready.

The rest of the issue was assorted serials, most of them midway through their stories, but one was starting here: "The Suit: Hostile Takeover" by Dennis Calero. Which opens with the titular Suit interrupting, on horseback, the opening of--the Trump Plaza!? Motherpusbucket--I don't know the character of the Suit, but was the story a period piece? The 'Trump Taj Mahal' opened in 1990 and was closed as such October 10, 2016. Caldero also seems to realize Trump was shifty, he's not portrayed in a flattering light; although I'm not sure he looked even that good back then. Still, I was absolutely not prepared to see him there.

Sorry to close the week on a down note, but in better news, it's my birthday and I'm on vacation! And as usual, the blog will continue to trundle along while I'm out. 

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Today: Conan vs. more Body Snatchers.

About a dozen years back, we checked out Conan the Barbarian #41/Conan Saga #78, wherein Conan met a disturbing pod-girl. Today's book takes the Invasion of the Body Snatchers riff up another notch! From 1987, Savage Sword of Conan #139, "The Garden of Blood" Written by Charles Dixon, pencils by Gary Kwapisz, inks by Ernie Chan. Cover by Joe Jusko!

Conan had hooked back up--figuratively and literally--with the pirate Valeria, at least for the short-term: there wasn't a lot of continuity between issues in Savage Sword, but the next issue mentions him jumping ship. Partly because Valeria could be a bit crazy even for Conan, but she (or maybe just the sea) also brought back painful memories of his late, lamented Belit. Valeria returns to her ship, the Sea Fox, but has Conan hold back, since she knows there will certainly be at least a couple mutinous dogs that have to be put down, which Conan does by bow. (Alternately, I think just showing up with Conan shuts down a lot of noise.) Their fun is rained on by a pursuing Aquilonian warship, but they set it on fire soon enough.

Still, the pirates do get a bit of a surprise, with a new island that wasn't there before. Going ashore for water and supplies, they instead find poisonous fruit, and weird milk-filled vines. The island doesn't seem to have birds or animals either, but first Conan and later Valeria seem to feel like they were being watched. Later, a guard is lured away, by a naked woman, but he is then grabbed by naked, silent men, who take him to a horrible plant-thing. His death is pretty awful, even for a Conan comic; and a pod then disgorges a copy of him. Back on the ship, the sailor that unwisely ate the local fruit looks old and shriveled, and Valeria decides they'll be leaving as soon as the last men return from the island. She need not have waited, though, as they get killed by the pod-guard, and his creepy weird feeder hands. The pod people silently walk into the water, to attack the Sea Fox.

Conan and Valeria are interrupted in bed again, as the crew is having a hard time with the pod people: simple stabbing wouldn't kill them, they had to be mostly dismembered. With more of them coming, Valeria orders to hoist anchor and try to drift away, but vines from the island grab them. Conan fights his way to the globes of oil they had used against the warship, then sets the vines on fire. Now frenzied and screaming, the pod people were fighting even harder, the Sea Fox was on fire, even Conan seems to be wondering if there was a way out of this one, and Valeria is like, enh, at least I'll die on the sea beside Conan, so...

They get a lucky break, from what would usually be misfortune: the Aquilonian warship catches up to them, ramming the ship, perhaps not noticing the vines or the fire or the raging battle. The remaining pirates jump ship, intending to take it, and as they pull away the Sea Fox and the monstrous vines explode! The pirates should be outnumbered, but they had managed to free the galley slaves, who also turn against the Aquilonians, who are forced to replace the slaves on the oars. A close one, but Conan and Valeria come out of it with a better ship, so...

Also this issue, King Kull and trade tariffs, in "The Caravan," written by Charles Dixon, art by Fraja Bator. A merchant tries to take his caravan off the usual trail, to avoid paying King Kull's taxes; and instead gets ambushed by bandits. Kull and his forces save him, which is largely incidental to wiping out the bandits: Kull himself had once been one himself, and knew all the tricks. The merchant protests, but Kull knows the score, and the merchant tells his grandson Kull was still a bandit, just one with a crown and an army now. Is it still a protection racket, if you legitimately supply protection? Read more!

"The End" Week: Savage Avengers!

There was a moment there, when Marvel was losing or not renewing the Conan license, and we weren't sure if the new books from Titan Comics were going to be good. Rest assured: they're great! Titan's even brought back proper, black-and-white Savage Sword of Conan, and they're expanding their lineup with Solomon Kane and a lesser known Robert E. Howard creation, Dark Agnes de Chastillon. (She's a bit of a replacement for Red Sonja, maybe; they don't have the rights to her.) Definitely recommended, but let's look at the tailend of the barbarian's time at Marvel: from 2022, Savage Avengers #28, "Coda" Written by Gerry Duggan, art by Patch Zircher, color art by Java Tartaglia.

Previously, Conan had been allied with Doctors Doom and Strange, and Kang the Conqueror; in order to prevent Kulan Gath from taking over the world. Kang brought Conan back in time, to kill Gath as a young boy, before he picked up magic; but Conan has a better idea. He kills Gath's enslaver, freeing him, then teaches him the way of the sword instead. Gath is game: he seems genuinely invested in the idea of freeing other slaves, but Kang suggests to Conan, this might not be the mercy he thinks it is.

Gath receives an invitation, by talking crow, to meet with Sorcerer Supreme Mekri Ra, either "as friend...or as foe." The journey's long and treacherous, but allows Conan to train Gath up more. Gath enters Ra's tower, but Ra teleports outside to wait with Conan: this was a test only for Gath, and he faces Shuma-Gorath, who says Gath could defeat him, with the right weapon, giving him the opportunity to retake magic. Gath refuses, choosing to die as a warrior; but is then spit outside by the tower. Both Conan and Ra are pleased, and take their leave of Gath, as Kang picks Conan up...but doesn't take him back to the future! Conan is steamed, since he thought Strange owed him riches or whatnot (Conan was not above being super petty on occasion) but Kang's like, nah, I don't need the competition. He had seen multiple futures for Conan (one is a nod to either Bloodstone or Vandal Savage, or both!) and decides to wrap that up now.

Conan gets the drop on Kang, saying his sword was not in his collection; although it's up to you if you think he'd be able to stab Kang through his force-fields and armor. Kang says he was going to "let you retire in this land of stabbing and gout," but if you want to die, well...Conan gets on top of Kang, and demands to be taken back to the victory feast at Doctor Doom's. Kang agrees, that sounds nice...and spoilers after the break!

Kang returns to the future, alone, dropping onto the middle of a table. He gives a version of what happened, makes reassurances that Kulan Gath wouldn't return, but that Conan had wanted to return to his own time, and Kang of course did him a solid. Doom and Strange don't seem to buy that, but Kang returns to his "citadel of solitude" Kangstantinople. (Formerly Istanbul, presumably.) He surveys his trophies, smiling: of course he had Conan's sword, as well as his crown. And now he notices, written on that sword, in English: "This isn't over."

Kang acquiesces, returning Conan to 2022. But, he wouldn't stay there long: before the year was up, with a new roster, Conan would be returned to his own time again in Savage Avengers #5 (Legacy #33). Conan would be forced to stay behind, so a mystic doorway could be opened to get rid of Set. The rest of the team would be sent to 2099, for five issues with Punisher and Doom 2099, vs. Ultron and an army of Deathloks; wrapping up in 2023's Savage Avengers #10, "Deus Ex Machina" Written by David Pepose, art by Carlos Magno, color art by Espen Grundetjern.

The Savage Avengers were Anti-Venom, the Elektra-Daredevil, Cloak and Dagger, the Black Knight, and Weapon H. (The latter, a man turned into a Hulk/Wolverine mash-up.) They also had a Deathlok, but not the usual one: it was Miles Morales, trying to prevent his terrible future. Despite his distrust of the Deathloks, Punisher 2099 Jake Gallows sacrifices himself to save Miles; but Ultron brings him back as a puppet to use against Doom 2099. The other heroes fight Ultron's Deathloks, and work through their little plotlines: while attracted to Flash Thompson, Dagger gets back together with Cloak. (Are they usually a couple? I think it really varies from writer to writer...) Leading the other 2099 heroes, Elektra gets to belt out the classic "Avengers Assemble!"

Jake resists Ultron, and Miles finally stops him with a web, that stops him to create a paradox: the Watcher returns Miles to normal, explaining he had caused this mess, the act of observing having affected the results. In the future, Jake buries Ultron's head in a graveyard, where no one would find him and bring him back; and the Savage Avengers are returned to the present. They kinda know they're going to go their separate ways, but Fin Fang Foom appears, so maybe just one more time... Read more!

This month, Conan vs. climate change.

I swear I didn't alter that panel; and I'm willing to bet they got letters on that one. From 1982, Savage Sword of Conan #72, "The Colossus of Shem" Written by Bruce Jones, pencils by John Buscema, inks by Ernie Chan.

A humble farmhouse, and some humble farmers, are squashed flat by something giant; while Conan makes plans to ride to Zamora, in search of a rumored buried treasure. He's mildly dismayed when the countryside, which should be lush and green, is far drier than usual; then when the rabble of a small town try to kill his horse, so they can drink its blood--not in a vampire kind of way, they were just desperate to drink anything. Conan escapes into the parched land, later finding the crushed farmhouse, and saving a girl trapped within. Elsewhere, in a verdant park, a group of youngsters play ball, until they accidentally lose it over the forbidden wall...

Conan and the girl, Larna, press on, finding a footprint of a massive creature. After fighting off more thirsty bandits, Conan leaves her with a group of farmers on a search for a hidden city that might have water. Which might be Founton, a city worshipping a turtle statue, which young Sarla is starting to question: she is cast out, and Dhan jumps after her, since he didn't think she deserved that. Dhan finds himself in a desert, face to face with a god--no, just a surly Conan. Together, they later catch up with a group that's found the hidden city, which resembles Founton but Dhan thinks it couldn't be: his city never welcomed strangers. The hidden city Rhoulan is run by another hooded priest like Founton was, who had an army of demons he used to enslave workers, but lived in fear of his estranged brother, and a giant tortoise that destroyed his old city. (Conan's escape is aided by a slave girl, who I think was supposed to be Larna but is called Gina here!)

Later, Conan and Dhan find Sarla, then are set upon by a massive tortoise that makes Gamera look like a hatchling! Why its trying to kill them is unclear, they were tiny; but leading it away from the kids, Conan manages to lure it into charging off a cliff. (Hey, it worked in Tremors!) He's then further surprised to discover, within the wreckage, the now-demolished city of Founton! He finds the dying priest, who explains their city was built to wander the desert, living off the wells there, but must have gone off-course and sucked the land dry in its wake. Conan plays messiah for a bit, leading the survivors to a new life in a not-mobile city; where they might have to work a bit more, but they'd get by. Read more!

How do I buy so many damn comics at the toy show? Is this one of those 'drive in a parkway/park in a driveway' things?

Admittedly, I didn't buy all of these at the show, and I might not have bought as many toys...because I've bought a lot of toys, yeah. I did get another Deathlok, some Star Wars figures I missed the first time, and one character that I didn't have before that will probably get worked into the plot shortly; so there's that. But the main haul was a ton of cheap Conan and King Conan; then later at EntertainMart, a vein of Jonah Hex. All of those were less than a buck an issue and almost certainly includes some overlap, so I'm probably going to take some time next to sort out those runs, which will be fun even if, um, organization isn't my forte. Also, and I don't mean this as a slight; but both Conan and Jonah Hex are like meat-and-potatoes comics for me: I've known a number of non-comics readers that would still be into either or both of those.

But, we've got time to flip through one, right? From 1983, Conan the Barbarian #152, "The Dark Blade of Jergal Zadh!" Written by Michael Fleisher, pencils by John Buscema, inks by Ernie Chan. Cover by Michael Golden!

Demon Jergal Zadh has a plan: it's been prophesized Conan would be a king someday, so why not take him over now, and use him to "conquer the earthly plane" and whatnot. Step one: put his pawn, the lovely Cleolanthe, in Conan's path and in 'distress,' attacked by a winged monster. Cleo might be playing it a bit thick, screaming for Conan to save her to the point that he's like, geez, settle. He shatters his blade killing the monster, but Cleo helpfully tells him there's a sword nearby he could get, "that's fit to be wielded only by the mightiest of men!" Conan's game, although going into creepy ruins for the sword of a banished demon seems a bit much. No need to worry, though: Jergal Zadh could only return if he stole a human soul; what are the odds of that happening?

Conan takes the sword from a statue of Jergal, more than half expecting it to attack him; but doesn't see Cleo use eyebeams to spawn priest-cultist types for Conan to mow down. Watching through his mystic flame, Jergal explains to his demon crew, every time Conan uses the sword on Cleo's phantoms, more of his life force was sucked into the blade, and if he used it three times in a single night, he'd become "an empty, soulless shell." After just once, Conan is drained and freezing; Cleo tends to him and is already starting to feel sorry for him. Jergal appears to her, to make some veiled threats about what would happen if she betrayed him, and she agrees, creating another monster. This time, the weakened Conan may be no match for it, and he yells to Cleo to save herself. The sword does most of the work then, but still drains Conan even more. Still, Cleo's impressed.

Jergal only needs Conan to use the sword one more time, although the barbarian looks pretty done for the evening. Cleo refuses to help, since Conan had already risked himself for her twice; so Jergal has to send his demon cohorts. Conan goes for the sword, but Cleo zaps him, then all of the demons, Cyclops-style. She also still figures Jergal would probably try something else, so she tosses the sword into a lake. She embraces Conan, now free of her master, but then ages into dust. Conan is left to ponder the power of a woman's love...or a demon's hate, as Jergal Zadh swears vengeance. I'm not sure he would return, though; which is a shame: he resembles a cross between Mangog and Rob Liefeld's Grizzly. Read more!

An action-packed issue, even if Conan spends most of it in bed.

Not that kind of action, pervs! From 1987, Conan the King #39, "The Tower" Per the GCD, written by Don Kraar, pencils by Judith Hunt and Mike Manley, inks by Art Nichols.

The wizard Crassus's attempt to use Conan's son Taurus to kill him has failed, but the king has been grievously injured by a crossbow bolt and couldn't be moved. The witch Zelata gives him a potion to sweat out the poison, and now it was up to Conan if he would live or die. Crassus sends a bunch of demons and devils, to try and shift the balance, and seems to narrate Conan's slow ride down the river to Arallu, or hell.

Conan's jester, Rufio, leads a last-ditch attempt to hold off the demons; then is joined by Conan's daughter Radegund, who wanted to reconcile with her dad before anything happened, and Radegund's new love Deryck, who was trying to get over the fact that Conan had killed his dad. Hearing Radegund's voice helps Conan break free from Crassus's spell, and he wakes up in time for the last push until daybreak, when the demons melt. Deryck asks for Radegund's hand in marriage, and Conan's fine with it: it's not like she'd ever listened to him, good luck, guy.

And in Zingara, Crassus is exhausted and frustrated, before he hears that Taurus had escaped as well. But he wasn't ready to give up yet...I know he wasn't the big-bad for the last few issues of the series, but I'm not sure how much longer he lasted. Or how many more issues Rufio or Deryck had in them, either. Read more!

Weirdly, the dragon on this cover resembles the other Fafnir.

Specifically, from Walt Simonson's Thor, but I thought he looked like Themberchaud from the D&D movie; despite being a different color. "Featuring a team with so much plot armor, their fiercest foe spawns in with diabetes." Anyway, from 1985, Conan the Barbarian #166, "Blood of the Titan!" Written by by Michael Fleisher, pencils by John Buscema, inks by Geof Isherwood. Hmm, I would've been reading Conan pretty regularly by this point, but I don't recall this one, even though we've blogged several issues with Fafnir as his companion. Even with one arm, he's willing to throw down when some goons try to abduct a girl; but is steamed when Conan steps in to help. He's sore, and feels like Conan is showing him up; but honestly, the fact that you can run with Conan with just one arm is plenty impressive, guy. He's Conan, man. The girl wants to hideout at her uncle's place, and Conan plans to get her to safety before more guards show up; but Fafnir stubbornly refuses to run.

The girl, Giselle, explains the backstory on the ride: in that local province, the local baron could be challenged to a duel in a yearly tournament. This had been a fairly good system for a while, as barons came and went, until the current baron's champion Gargantax put him in power for the last ten years or so. There hadn't even been challengers the last few years, which caused some local grumbling. Giselle had been bought by the baron, since Gargantax had been smitten with her, but she had escaped; and the baron wanted her back, since Gargantax wouldn't fight without her. Meanwhile, some locals convince Fafnir, over drinks, he could totally take Gargantax! That'd show Conan and everybody.

The baron's guards were already at the uncle's, so Giselle and Conan are captured. Gargantax, who looks like he's maybe got a bit of gigantism, is thrilled to have her back, but can't understand why she doesn't love him. Maybe when he murders this year's challenger, that'll win her over. The locals that brought in Fafnir were working for the baron, who felt like they had to have some challenger just to avoid sour grapes, even if it was a one-armed mercenary. Conan is sentenced to be executed, but talks the guards into buying a last drink. Which he smashes, since it was crap...and he needed a sharp chunk of pottery to sever his ropes. He breaks free and fights his way to the arena, where Gargantax was giving Fafnir the business: Conan turns the crowd against the baron and Gargantax, to get the opportunity to fight him himself. A decision he might regret, as Gargantax does pretty well against Conan!

Giselle tries to save Conan the only way she can: by telling Gargantax she loves him. That distracts him enough for Conan to regain his feet, then cut him down to size. Gargantax dies, knowing Giselle didn't really love him. And Fafnir's still mad at Conan for stepping into his fight, again: maybe he would've died, but he would've died a man. He only had a couple more issues here, but would return much, much later as well! Oh, and no dragon this issue; but I think Conan covers around this time were more of crapshoot than usual. Read more!

"Mom, can we have some Conan?" "We have Conan at home."

Somehow, this feels like Marvel was trying to get away with something, but I'm not sure how, or why. From 1976, the Incredible Hulk #201, "The Sword and the Sorcerer!" Written by Len Wein, breakdowns by Sal Buscema, finishes by Joe Staton. This was six years before the unrelated and vastly entertaining, not very good, movie of the same name; but I don't know if there was a larger plan involved here, since Conan was very much a de facto Marvel character at this point. In the Mighty Marvel Checklist this issue, alongside the cover for this issue is Conan the Barbarian #65. (Which we saw some time back, featuring "The Secret of Skull River!" since they missed the deadline!) So why is the Hulk facing off against store-brand barbarian Kronak? Doc Samson had shrunk the Hulk last issue, to save Major Talbot's life; but old man wizard Shamu-Shan was also trying to summon a champion, to save his people from mean usurper king Kronak. The Hulk doesn't care, until a sad little girl laments the Hulk probably wasn't strong enough to beat Kronak anyway, and by Crom, ol' Jade-Jaws isn't going to let that stand!

The court wizard gases the Hulk, turning him back to Banner, so he decides to take the "pale pink changeling" to see the king for laughs. Even when he gets thrown in the arena to face Kronak in combat, Bruce tries to discourage everyone from making him mad, which doesn't go over especially well. He of course Hulks out, forcing Kronak to use "the sacred Ruby of Shadows" to summon a demon for Hulk to beat on. With Kronak on the ropes, the peasants rise up; and the Hulk throws him to the crowd, who tear him apart. The Hulk isn't sure what to do next, but then inexplicably continues shrinking...which would get him to his long-lost love Jarella, next month! I'm sure that'll end well.

Maybe Len Wein just didn't like Conan...It's a pretty accurate, and well researched, pastiche though. Because the world is what it is now, I'm looking at this maybe more suspiciously than it deserves; like it was a test case to try and knockoff Conan, as opposed to just an off-the-cuff plot to fill an issue.

Read more!

Sometimes, I wish I was more organized; since my comics are basically two piles: stuff I've bought, and stuff I maybe might want to blog sometime soon. So, I thought I could maybe use my spinner rack to help with some organization as well as display: maybe put those Slapstick and Death's Head issues together, until I can sort out if I have them all. And I just bought the first issue and last special for Arion, so I might be on my way to piecing a set of that together, if I find cheap copies. Then I bumped into this issue, which I wasn't sure I'd read before, and here we are...from 1992, Conan the Barbarian #263, "The Voice of Moloq" Written by Roy Thomas, pencils by Mike Docherty, inks by Ricardo Villagran. Adapted from "The Voice of El-Lil" by Robert E. Howard.

As is often the case, a practical joke goes awry: Conan lets his nattering companion Hobb ride on without him, just to see how long he would go before he realized he was by himself. Apparently, a ways; long enough to get ambushed and captured and used as bait to lure in Conan, who is monkey-piled by...monkey-men. Conan is captured, and notes the monkey-men are led by armored, regular men. He and Hobb are taken to a hidden valley, with a small village and a pretty massive horned skull on an island. Tourist attraction? Probably not.

Serving wench/dancer Naluna gives them the score: the city was Eridu, their god was Moloq, and her people seemed like dicks. They had been defeated and forced out of their land, so they had enslaved the monkey-men they had found here. Naluna spoke the common tongue since she had fled the city before; Conan asks if she would be interested in doing so again. She says she would do anything for the man she loves; but Conan and Hobbs are taken to the skull. Conan notices the mistreatment of the monkey-men, as well as that at least some of them have had their tongues cut out, and gets madder and madder. As Naluna dances, Conan is tied to the golden gong, which when barely tapped nearly shakes him to death. It might be so loud you can't even hear it? Whatever. He has to take another ringing before he manages to get free, then while he kills the main bad guys, the monkey-men rise up against the rest. Conan manages to blow up the giant skull with the golden gong, although I suspect everyone's ears rang for a couple days after that one.

The monkey-men also dig Naluna's dancing, and seem to see her as a queen. She will stay, if the man she loves stays with her. Conan hems and ha's at that, not ready to settle down, but she wanted the Harry Mudd-looking Hobb! Really no accounting for taste. The letters page notes this was an adaptation of a non-Conan REH story, a trick Roy Thomas used more than once, I think. Read more!