Who left these wet footprints on the floor? And these dishes in the sink? And used my toothbrush?

If you've ever gotten mad when a household chore was left undone, knowing damn well it was you that was supposed to do it...it would probably be worse for Rose Forrest, of Rose and the Thorn! From 1972, Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane #128, "Edge of Madness" Written by Robert Kanigher, art by Don Heck; and Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane #117, "The Ghost with Two Faces!" Written by Robert Kanigher, pencils by Rich Buckler, inks by Dick Giordano.

We don't see her very often, but I usually like Rose and the Thorn stories, and I should keep an eye out for Gail Simone's 2004 limited series. After Rose Forrest's cop dad was murdered by crime syndicate the 100, her unconscious mind leads her to become vigilante the Thorn at night to seek vengeance. Rose is portrayed as sweet, innocent, and perhaps not especially observant: I'm not sure if I've seen any stories where she wonders why she's so tired when she wakes up, or wonders where any nocturnal injuries came from. Or maybe her subconscious lets her shrug it off.

In "The Ghost with Two Faces!" Rose rents a vacation house that's said to be haunted. ("For example, all of us say that.") She doesn't believe in ghosts, and it makes a great base for Thorn, who's seen by the locals multiple times and even photographed. Rose, who earlier received a Thorn costume in the mail, thinks that's kind of weird, in a way that you're pretty sure she's not going to follow up on at all.

I liked the Rose and Thorn backups more than the lead Lois Lane stories, although the covers are usually pretty good.

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No funny suicide here, but Harley dies anyway.

Since the Internet was all aflutter last week about the Harley Quinn #0 contest (try Ty Templeton's take on it, "Some Comedy Writes Itself") let's look at a couple Harley Quinn comics that I just randomly stumbled back across the other day! From 2002, Harley Quinn #17, "#1 Am the Loneliest Number," #18, "The Bride of Bizarro!" and #19, "Going Out with a Bang!" All written by Karl Kesel, penciled by Terry Dodson, and inked by Rachel Dodson.

Harley Quinn and her, um, pal Poison Ivy have only been in Metropolis a short time, but so far Harley's got a job at the Daily Planet as lovelorn advice columnist Holly Chance and stolen a swanky personal jetpack; while Ivy has the city's street-level vigilante, Thorn, captured. Using her psychology expertise, Harl realizes there's something more to Thorn than meets the eye, namely multiple personality disorder; but she has a bigger fish to fry: Bizarro! He had been at the Daily Planet to see his "worst enemy," Jimmy Olsen; who had been hitting on "Holly." Following Holly, the imperfect duplicate sees her real identity, then enlists her help in finding a bride! Harley balks at first, but quickly realizes a big dumb lug with most of Superman's powers (and some oddballs like X-ray hearing and flame breath) could come in handy, and Bizarro wins Ivy over as well, with the gift of a stripped-bare tree.

Still, none of them were prepared for the sudden-yet-not-entirely-surprising arrival of Jimmy, who shows up thinking he might get lucky, then finds Harley's costume in Ivy's plants and realizes his mistake, but is stopped from escaping by Bizarro. Jimmy brings up Lexcorp's "Bizarrotron," and Harley decides maybe they should check it out, but Ivy misspeaks her "Bizarroese" and Bizarro frees Thorn before he leaves. At Lexcorp, after the usual beating of the guards, they meet a helpful scientist, who's thrilled to meet a Bizarro. While Bizarro "hates" Lois Lane so much he'd love to spend the rest of his life with her, well, Harley's already right there, right? As the scientist scans Harley, a locked-in-a-closet Jimmy builds a signal device to try and summon Superman, but the ultrasonic noise also hurts Bizarro.

Harley tries to make a break from the berserk Bizarro, but flies straight into the real Man of Steel. Stopping Jimmy's signal, Harley tells Bizarro that Superman isn't going to let her help him, and Bizarro fights Supes, but Harley also realizes he let Thorn loose, and she and Ivy are throwing down as well. Still, Harley had one ace up her sleeve: "The Kryptonite Kiss-Off!"...which was actually glitter and dried parsley. It's psychological, see? No? Well, all right.

I like Thorn, since every time I see her it's fun.

Bizarro is less than smitten with his prospective bride, Bizarro-Harley, a grey, dour, no-fun shrew. BH does zing the real deal, pointing out at least she's not in love with the Joker--since "Joker am never in love with you." The imperfect duplicate explodes shortly thereafter, and Harley manages to wheedle Superman into letting her fly the jetpack back to jail, but instead pushes Jimmy off a ledge and makes a break for it. Unfortunately, that jetpack was experimental, and not meant for the abuse Harley was giving it: it explodes, atomizing Harley Quinn. She makes the front page of the Daily Planet (as does Ivy, brought in by Thorn) and while Superman notes Harley could've been thrown into another dimension or back in time or something; Jimmy says whatever Harley's faults, she always followed her heart, and had good intentions. Maybe.

Although there's more than a fair amount of cheesecake, the Dodsons draw the heck out of everything here. In #17, Harley's inner monologue is manifested by a little Harley-doppelgänger, doubling the amount of Harley per page! (Picture if Deadpool's little caption boxes were each a little Deadpool yelling at him...) #18's recap pages are Harley's subconscious interviewing Jimmy Olsen's brain, which he probably wasn't thinking with at the time...Although they would do covers for a while longer, these were the Dodsons last issues of interior art, while Kesel would stay with the book to #25. Far more issues than her "Puddin'" ever got...
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Batman's fighting it, but Thorn is getting her team-up one way or another.

As we saw last time, Batman leaves Thorn in the cemetary, to get home in the Thornmobile or something; while he investigates the only lead, Phillips' car, as it's pulled from the bay. One of the bodies is wearing Philips' death's head ring--do a lot of hospital orderlies wear skull jewelry? Maybe.

Stymied, Batman decides to dive and investigate the bay for clues, taking only the little rebreather mouthpiece from his utility belt, instead of full scuba gear. And swimming in his cape. Batman doesn't have to look long, before finding a plastic sealed snapshot: two men, one older, one a boy, giving Hitler the Nazi salute. Hitler, in person. Must've have been Photo Day for the SS or something. Getting your picture on Hitler's lap was extra.

As Batman checks out the photo, underwater, he's attacked by frogmen and knifed in the arm. Thorn arrives in the nick again to save Batman, taking out the frogmen, who disappear. That could be disappear as in 'flee,' or disappear as in 'watery grave.' Batman doesn't kill, but Thorn doesn't seem to mind a lot, and it's a pretty good trick to blow up a scuba tank without killing the attached diver. Thorn bandages up Batman, and this time Batman gives her a ride back to Gotham. (How did she get there?)

Thorn takes a nap in the Batmobile, and Batman again sees the taped message from Rose Forrest, pleading for the return of her father's body. Batman goes to the hospital, but not to be checked out as Thorn insists, but to ditch her again!

Having no leads again, Bats switches to Bruce Wayne, to attend a speech by "famed Nazi hunter Leon Weiner" on the Holocaust. Afterwards, he approaches Weiner in a diner, to see if he can identify the Nazi in the photograph, which he does: "Gauleiter Martin Bormann! The most powerful Nazi after Hitler!" If he's so powerful, how come he doesn't have a mask glued to his head? Bormann was an expert on chemical warfare, and supposedly was hiding out in the jungles of South America.

The next day, as Bruce Wayne boards a flight to Rio de Janeiro, he notices a woman in black having a coffin loaded on board. As the stewardess informs Bruce that Carnival is about to start, as it always is in comics and movies; we see the woman was Rose. Batman had to see that clue, which is why he's flying commercial again, instead of taking the old Batplane. I miss the 70's, pointy Batplane, which looked like a rocket or hypodermic needle with batwings sticking out of it.

That night, as parade floats pass the reviewing stand, Bruce sees a Batmobile float, which stalls in front of the president and ambassador. Well, Bruce sees it: in a bit of a gaffe, there's not a good establishing shot of the Batmobile float. The fake Batmen on the float are there to assassinate 'el presidente and the yankee ambassador!" but Batman beats the hell out of them, which seems like a really good way to get accidentally shot.

This was probably an easier way for Batman to get in touch with, and a favor from, the American ambassador than just, you know, calling or something. Ah, I've never dealt with the State Department, so yeah, maybe. Batman asks for help finding Bormann, and the ambassador says there's no extradition, so ask for something else. Batman asks for a plane to find Bormann his damn self. He searches the jungle, until he spots a "Luftwaffe Heinkle!" I know it's a big jungle, but if you're in hiding, maybe you don't want Nazi planes patrolling, with German markings still on them? Although, if you shoot down anyone who sees them, I suppose it's not an issue: as Batman follows the Heinkle to Bormann's base/Nazi theme park, he's ambushed by a Messerschmitt and shot down, crashing on the Nazi runway.

Bormann isn't too worried about the captured (and somewhat dazed) Batman, and first greets his son, who had arrived in the Heinkle...was that waiting for them at the airport in Rio? I mean, no extradition is one thing, but that seems a bit much. Rose protests she's kept her part of the bargain, but is brushed off. Bormann and son connect the dots for us: the cannister of Inferno A was brought in the coffin. American neo-Nazi's killed the younger Bormann's "stupid girl friend" and a double, but she had stolen the Bormann's Hitler photo to try to leave a clue behind. The frogmen were sent to recover it (how did they know it was in the bay?), and the authorities were left in the dark when the Nazi's wrecked up several cemetaries, to cover the discovery of the hidden cannister.

(The younger Bormann has a kind of evil you don't often see in comics: someone willing to play the long game. He had to get a job as an orderly at the hospital the Nazi that hid the cannister was at, work there six years cleaning up puke and worse and be a model employee, and have a girlfriend that was probably window dressing for his cover from the start. Admittedly, this is closer to reality than the Joker's gang or R'as al Ghul's huge organization; and that may be why it's creepy.)

Rose, who previously had been freaking out over the theft of her father's body, didn't know any of this: she had only agreed to bring the coffin here to get the body back. The younger Bormann slaps her and tells her he had dumped it in the river. Rose runs away crying into the jungle, where they figure she'll die in short order. Finally, Bormann decides it's time to kill Batman, but Thorn appears to save Batman's ass, for the third time, and mess some Nazis up, blowing up three planes, the Bormanns, and probably a good chunk of jungle in short order.

Batman recovers the cannister (explaining that neither fire or explosions would destroy it) and he and Thorn escape into the river. The piranha-filled river. Thorn covers Batman with an exploding thorn, but is knocked out. Batman drops the cannister, figuring it would be safe enough guarded by the fish, (even though there's any number of people in the DCU that could fish it out, right?) and saves Thorn for once. They surface to see the Nazi base blow up real good, and start the long walk back, but first Batman wants to hypnotize Thorn. Yes, in the middle of the rainforest with no supplies, no water, and a possibly concussed woman; Batman wants to find out her secret identity.

What the hell does Batman have there, a Hansen's Hypno-Coin? Again, in Brave and the Bold, Batman can do anything. Still kind of wondering how the trip out of the jungle went, though...

I liked Thorn a lot in this one, and Aparo does some nice work on her: I like how her face seems serious and determined, except when she interacts with Batman, and it becomes more friendly. Batman doesn't seem as sure as he should be about Rose being Thorn, which should be annoying (if Ralph Dibney can figure out who Supernova is, Batman should be able to see this at a glance) but I kind of like it: Batman seems to almost like Thorn, and it would be fun if he had a relationship with her, but a complete blindspot as to her identity.

The new Rose and Thorn series was recently reviewed here, in a link from When Fangirls Attack! I was kind of considering looking for that one, since Gail Simone's usually pretty solid, but it's a new Rose and Thorn? The hell? Looking it up here, it appears the original Thorn, a Flash villain, killed herself, and Rose and Thorn have just been retconned a little. If I find it, I'll let you know. Read more!

Thorn, the sensational character find of 1982! Maybe. Or not.

To be honest, I don't know how I ended up with as many Brave and the Bold issues as I have: I was primarily a Marvel fan as a youngster, and judging based on the boxes I've found them in, I didn't pick all these issues up at once either. These two were from the start of the book's last year, as it would be replaced by Batman and the Outsiders. Yeah, it doesn't seem a fair trade to me either, even with Metamorpho in there.

Brave and the Bold #188-189, "A Grave as Wide as the World!" Written by Robert Kanigher, art by Jim Aparo, featuring Batman with Rose and the Thorn. Rose and Thorn have a great logo, that reminds me of a soap opera, but this story is all action, opening with Nazis (!) about to kill Batman, who's trapped in an open grave (!!) before Thorn attacks. As the Nazis fire on Thorn, we go back to the beginning, and Hitler. Yeah, the third page and we've got Hitler. That's one of B&B's most endearing qualities: it hits the ground running, no matter how insane the setup or premise, and never looks back.

A decrepit old Nazi in a hospital bed sieg heil's Hitler, who gives the bedridden man the Iron Cross, for keeping his secret for thirty years. At Hitler's request, the man reveals the secret's location, and is further rewarded with a pillow over his face. Man, nursing home abuse is out of hand. Actually, the setting was Gotham Federal Prison (I'm sure Gotham needs a Federal prison. And Blackgate. And Arkham. Probably more people incarcerated in Gotham than in Texas.) and 'Hitler' was a hospital orderly, with a latex 'Mission: Impossible' style mask. (You know, the kind that are perfectly lifelike until pulled off, then they look like Silly Putty and a wig.) The orderly changes and leaves, plotting to turn America into a graveyard.

The next day, Bruce Wayne is going to take a group of kids on a picnic, and is soundly rejected. So, he comes back as Batman, and the kids flock to him like he was giving away candy wrapped in hundreds, something Bruce may want to try next time. Kind of sad that 'masked vigilante' is more popular than 'guilty liberal bazillionaire.' Batman takes the kids to a lake he swam in as a kid, but now it's full of garbage. Batman tells the kids this is what happens when they don't take care of the earth, which is awfully harsh, considering the kids lived in an only-marginally better slum. So the children are our future, and as such need to clean up the world, the streets, government, the comic book industry...Batman will help you out, kids, but it's all up to you! Maybe Batman needs to bring in the children of privilege next time, as in, the kids of the polluters who wrecked the lake? Or are they cleaning it for those privileged kids?

God, a three page sequence that should be a 'The More You Know' or 'Knowing is Half the Battle' moment, and all I can see is exploitation and class warfare issues...as Batman takes his band of unescorted minors back to the ghetto after a twelve-hour day cleaning up old tires and hazardous waste, they listen to a news bulletin from PPN, the Plot Point Network. Mystery Science Theatre 3000 thrashed this before: how in movies (and comics!) every time someone turns on the radio, inside of 10 seconds a newsflash directly related to the plot will come on. In this case, the bulletin notes Ernst Kuller died in his sleep, taking his secret to the grave. (In these pre-CSI days, didn't they do autopsies on old people? Or dead Nazis with pillows stuffed down their gullets?)

Batman explains to the kids the rest of the story, about how Kuller had stolen a canister of 'Inferno A,' a concentrated bacteria serum, from a U.S. chemical warfare depot. Although captured, he never revealed where he hid it. (So, our story predates waterboarding, right?) The kids then task Batman with finding the canister, guilting him but good.

Bats starts his investigation with Kuller's body:

Wouldn't the last thing Kuller saw be his pillow? The warden tells Batman that David Phillips, an orderly, was the last to see Kuller alive, and he immediately reported finding him dead. Batman wants to question him, but Phillips went on vacation with his fiance after being questioned. The warden doesn't see anything suspicious, as Phillips had been a good and devoted employee for six years, and shows Batman a photo of the couple; in which Phillips is wearing a death's head ring, and his car's license plate number is clearly visible. Badly staged photography, or was Phillips a gearhead and death metal fan?

As Batman puts out an APB on Phillips, to question him, he nearly runs over a woman being attacked by birds. Pretty big birds, actually. Batman gets her back to the Batmobile and puts the top up, something I had always wondered about this particular model Batmobile. The birds hit the glass for a while, then convulse and die. In these bird-flu-phobic times, that may seem like something warranting further investigation, but Batman takes the time to get the shaken victim, Rose, back home, and hold her hand until she falls asleep. Aw...you don't see that kind of sweet concern from Batman, at least not in the last few years.

After Batman leaves, the sleeping Rose opens a secret panel "into the abandoned, boarded-up costume shop on the adjacent street." She had found the passageway as a child, which makes me wonder why there was a secret passage from the bedroom to the costume shop: probably bootleggers, that's an old standard explanation. Anyway, Rose changes into her Thorn costume, which while outdated and probably sexist, is really pretty hot. Thorn must draw the hell out of Rose's eyebrows, though.

Next, a brief recap of Thorn's origin: Rose's father was a cop, murdered and dumped in the Gotham river. In her sleep, Rose would go into a rage, her id taking over and acting out vengeance on the killers. The doctors had thought her dual personality would merge. Good luck with that.

Batman goes back to investigate the birds, and the army has cordoned off the area. Refreshingly, a colonel shares info with Batman: "My findings are top secret! But I know I can rely on your silence!" He confirms the birds were exposed to Inferno A, a warning shot from whoever had the canister. If this story was written today, Inferno A would be tested on, I dunno, a whipping-boy city like Bludhaven or something, instead of a lake full of birds.

As Batman drives away, he has no leads except PPN, which he's watching while he drives--aren't there supposed to be interlocks to prevent just that? On the news, Rose's father's body was stolen as a dozen cemeteries were vandalized. That body appears to be the only one stolen, though, and Rose is perhaps understandably freaking out, but freaking out a lot. Again, Batman seems to drop the Inferno A case to take care of Rose, because he goes to investigate the empty grave. Of course, since this is Brave and the Bold, the two are connected, and a Nazi pistolwhips Batman and pushes him into the grave, where the issue began. And now, a Jim Aparo page of Batman beating up Nazis, which is not only awesome in it's own right, but I know will be better than Frank Miller's Holy Terror, if and when that ever materializes.


As Batman introduces himself to Thorn after the fight, a Nazi tries to kill them with the old 'potato masher' style grenade. Batman tries to get Thorn to cover, but she's able to throw one of her tiny little thorn weapons and blow the grenade early, which kills the whole Nazi lot. Batman calls in for a 'morgue van', and the police inform him of the discovery of the orderly Phillips' car, at the bottom of Gotham Bay. (How did people in Gotham City find anything? Gotham Bay, Gotham River, Gotham Federal Pen, Gotham Street, Avenue, Walkway...did the first guy there name everything after himself?)

Thorn wants to come with, but Batman won't risk her life, which is slightly out of place from past B&B team-ups. I don't think Bats left her because she's a girl; but he probably doesn't see her as a professional yet, even though he calls her "a magnificent fighter of evil!" after seeing her kill some Nazis once. Batman speeds off, leaving Thorn in the graveyard, and leaving the reader waiting fot the conclusion, a rare B&B two-parter. We'll hit the next part later, and look a little more at Thorn's problems, and why the World's Greatest Detective can't recognize a girl disguised with a wig and short-shorts. Read more!