Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Iceberg! Right ahead!

You don't need me to tell you that the melting polar ice caps are a major problem for everyone on the planet. Methane release from permafrost, animal habitat loss, drastic changes in the oceans' currents, and sea levels rising to where we would rather they not be; and those are just the possible effects scientists have come up with so far. (I hate that sinking feeling I have that more Americans would be more upset about climate change if scientists said it would cause gay marriages and voting Democrat...)

Still, bad as climate change is going to be for us, it's going to be far worse for inhabitants of the Marvel Universe. They're going to get all the downsides we get, and then some, since every time you see an iceberg in the 616, you can be damn sure something's in it. Probably Captain America, but still.

Why does Namor say, 'take your accursed idol with you,' then throw it into the ocean?
Most of you probably remember Cap was frozen at the end of World War II, to be found some years later by the Avengers. Except, if you wanna be a stickler about the continuity, Cap was frozen multiple times!
Is it standard operating procedure for everyone to bring frozen corpses on board?
In Captain America #17-20 (volume four) "Cap Lives" we see the Capsicle not found by the Avengers in 1964, but by a U-boat full of Nazis. Waking to a world where the Allies couldn't win the war without him, Cap rallies the unpowered Marvel heroes into overthrowing the Red Skull, and ends up thrown back in time by Dr. Doom's time machine. Which was considerate enough to put Cap back where he should be, in a block of ice outside the Avengers' sub. Somehow.

Bzzt!  Cap was frozen without his mask on!  Thaw him out and do it again! Or, perhaps Cap was left on ice by a faction in the United States government, that feared Cap may oppose use of nuclear weapons on Japan. Experimented on by rogue scientists, a Lemurian, and some alien severed hand thing, Cap was eventually discovered by Namor, and thrown back in the drink.
Jae Lee's art is awesome, but I don't know if he knew what was going on here, either. Yeah, let's never speak of that one again.
Iceman's dad would go to epic lengths to avoid child care payments.Here's a happier occasion of Cap getting frostbite: following up on a possible sighting of his lost partner D-Man, Cap accidentally releases a giant icy worm, then ends up swallowed. Cap is rescued by another frozen hero, the forgotten Liberty Legion member (and possibly littlest frost giant) Jack Frost. Jack is forced to sacrifice himself to freeze the worm again, so he's still out there somewhere...

He's a frozen disaster, he's a Demolition Man! ...although D-Man was later freed from an icy prison...so he could live with a bunch of smelly, homeless, forgotten Kirby characters. Yeah, that's much better than waking up in the future. This is pretty much the coolest D-Man will ever be. (Boo!)

But Captain America and his cohorts aren't the only bit of flotsam jetsamming around the Marvel Universe's icebergs! Not by a long shot! For example, there's everyone's favorite short-pants-wearing dragon, Fin Fang Foom!

Frozen for centuries without his trunks, the shrinkage must've been massive.  'Giganticus LeeKirbyus' indeed. Or for the literary types, Frankenstein's Monster!

No one who's ever seen a movie on the Sci-Fi Channel, ever, would think this is a good idea.  Fine, SyFy Channel. Or...the Hulk? Really? OK, whatever...

'Jan, honey, lift up your corner...yes, I know your hands are cold, mine are too...fine, why don't you just wait in the Quinjet then!' I am like this close to grabbing a random Hulk figure and an old milk carton, filling them up with water and throwing them in the fridge...

Really, it made sense in context. And Leela from Futurama? The problem is worse than I had thought! If you can think of any other iceberg-embedded Marvel (or other) characters, let me know! And if you can fix polar ice cap melting, maybe you could get on that, too.

Credits after the break!

First, we've got the classic Avengers #4, "Captain America Joins...the Avengers!" Written by Stan Lee, art by Jack Kirby, inks by George Roussos. It's been reprinted tons of times, but this is from Avengers Classic #4.

Then, Captain America #17-20 (volume four) "Cap Lives" by writer Dave Gibbons, penciler Lee Weeks, and inker Tom Palmer. It's like a What If that runs four issues, but a drastic improvement from...

Captain America #12-16, (still volume four) "Ice" Written by Chuck Austen, art by Jae Lee. (The cover to #16 was reprinted, minus the cover elements, in the Captain America poster book that came with the series VIII Marvel Legends Ultimate Cap!)

A far more enjoyable story was Captain America #384 (volume one, baby!) "Lair of the Ice Worm" Written by Mark Gruenwald, pencils by Ron Lim, inks by Danny Bulanadi.

Just as much fun: Marvel Adventures Spider-Man #19, written by Peter David, pencils by Mike Norton, inks by Norman Lee.

It took me forever to find my copy of Book of the Dead #1, reprinting Monster of Frankenstein #1, Gary Friedrich and Mike Ploog adapting and expanding on Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.

Then, we've got an Earl Norem cover for Rampaging Hulk #9, and a time-travel tripup from Futurama Comics #19, "The Time Bender Trilogy, part III" Script by Ian Boothby, pencils by John Delaney, inks by Phyllis Novin.

1 comment:

SallyP said...

The thought of randomly freezing various Marvel figures in a block of ice is simply too delicious. I think that you've covered it pretty well though.

The only DC character I can think of, floating in an ice cube, is...oddly enough...Ice.