Tuesday, June 16, 2026

It's kind of the inverse of the opening of UP; except there's ducks. And Badger. And a professional wrestler...

One simple trick for writing action-hero type material, whether for TV or movies or comics, is that sometimes the writer can make the bad guys such rat bastards that the audience is completely onboard with whatever the hero has to do to make them pay. Property damage, excessive force, violations of the laws of god and man, whatever, as long as those scumbags pay. Which is where Baron seems to be taking this one, but is there a twist...? From 1987, Badger #25, "The Duck Lady" Written by Mike Baron, pencils by Bill Reinhold, inks by Jim Sanders III.
"The Duck Lady" is rather dismissive, as Minerva Kuipers led a rich life in addition to that aspect: she had been a teacher, and her husband had built their house by the side of a Wisconsin lake. Retiring, the couple was happy there until he died in 1975. She stayed in the house, feeding and caring for the ducks on the lake; until years later, when sleazy developer Jerry Grate built a house next door, moving in with his three sons. (The oldest, from a previous marriage, it's noted.) Grate offers to buy Mrs. Kuipers out, but she declines. The next morning, after a late night partying, Jerry is awakened by the ducks, and throws a fit. He confronts and calls the cops on her for feeding them, then with his youngest two sons shoots several of the ducks. With seemingly nowhere else to turn, she writes a letter to a man she had only seen on television...you were expecting Morley Safer, maybe? Of course she wrote Badger, who's there almost immediately. He crashes the Grate family's latest party, giving the two younger brothers a bit of the what-for.
Badger had known this would escalate, and had already set up a tent in the woods to keep Mrs. Kuipers safe, as high and pissed, the Grates burn down her house. In a white camo version of his usual costume, Badger then kicks the tar out of them, leaving them calling for their big brother: pro wrestler Killdozer! Who had a girl up in his room, did not give a rat's ass what happened to his brothers, but maybe can't let somebody just run all over his dad, despite having nothing but admiration for Badger. Their fight doesn't go the distance, partially because Badger seems to be just dodging him, since Killdozer both didn't seem to have done anything wrong and was large enough to crush him. Instead, it's Mrs. Kuiper that saves the day, cracking her former student Brian 'Killdozer' Harris with a ruler! Despite his repeated mangling of the king's English (each followed by a crack from that ruler!) Killdozer still respected "the only teacher who ever cared about me," and says his dad will replace her house. Which Grate does, selling his place to Killdozer, and leaving Mrs. Kuiper and her ducks in peace, possibly only maybe disturbed by Badger. (Badger could speak with animals, although the ducks seem dubious.)
Also this issue: another installment of Clonezone, an odd name for a strip about a "lizardgator" hack comedian: basically Borscht belt, in the setting of Nexus. It's somewhat odd, and I have the feeling Baron enjoyed doing those more than any fans took to it, but it did sometimes have jokes! I swear there was one with a Gong Show-style rendition of "Feelings" that was so bad I could hear it, which is a mean feat for a comic book.

2 comments:

Mr. Morbid said...

One minor complaint about her feeding the ducks, or rather WHAT she’s feeding the ducks: bread. Being an ex educator surely she should know that bread, especially regular white bread is REALLY bad for ducks. It’s the equivalent of feeding then nothing but junk food instead of real food, that’s why a lot of parks ban people from feeding ducks, geese, swans, etc, bread.

H said...

Ok, I’ll bite- who was supposed to be the rat bastard there?

Also, what is up with the eyes in that last panel in the third image? Badger looks like a chameleon, seriously. That’s the sort of thing you’d get if you paused a cartoon at the wrong moment.

I kinda like that page of Clonezone- reminds me of something Jack Benny or George Burns might do. I’d read more of it on its own. Probably not a whole lot of crossover between fans of comics and fans of old comedians though.