This isn't even the most nonsensical version I've read of this, but it tries harder.

My copy is pretty ratty, but I should scan the whole thing for Internet Archive: from 2009, Toyfare #137, "Twisted Toyfare Theatre: Invasion of the Mego Snatchers" By a big chunk of Toyfare staff: Aclin, Gutierrez, Dietsch; with Bricken, Brucie, Collins, Molino, Powell and Ward! 

This was their riff on Secret Invasion, which goes off the rails around page 4, but no more so than any other version of that story I've seen. (Seriously, I know I've read it, but it keeps falling out of my head.) And Mephisto's explanation of the fix resonates a bit with me, since I remember thinking fans might feel like that back when Ben Reilly replaced Peter Parker as the 'real' Spider-Man. 

As usual, I'm on vacation next week, and as usual, the blog will continue to trundle along aimlessly regardless! See you then.   

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I'm not sure when this will post--god forbid closer to Halloween--but the Twilight Zone marathon is on and it's going to be a million degrees here in a day or so. ("The Midnight Sun" comes closer every year!)  Let's see if that negatively affects my opinion of this issue! From 1977, Secrets of Haunted House #5. Cover by Michael Wm. Kaluta. Spoilers for this one, so it's going after the break there. (Can I really spoil a 47-year old comic? I mean, really, you snooze, you lose.)

Suburbanites try their hands at demon-summoning, in "Raise the Devil!" So far they haven't had any luck, although the men still dream about the power they hope to obtain, while one of their wives frets a demon could get at their kids. Which is poo-poohed by her hubby: the demon wouldn't be able to get out of the pentagram, silly goose. The wannabe Anton Lavey gets his hands on a new book, and a demon appears--then flies straight up, into the kids' room! That would often be the final twist, but there's one more: the kids have their own pentagram, and now have a demon under their control! The parents immediately realize; they are just boned. ("Raising the Devil" Plot by Michael Pellowski, script by E. Nelson Bridwell, pencils by Bernard Baily, inks by Win Mortimer.)

Then, "The Strange Case of the Sloop 'San Mateo'": written by Sergio Aragonés and Steve Skeates, pencils by Romeo Tanghal, inks by Bob Smith. Skeates may be translating here; as the Coast Guard finds the ship unlit and adrift, and has no idea what happened to its owner. Luckily, we have Cain to give us the goods: the owner of the 'San Mateo' dinged it up on some rocks, but then rather than cough up for repairs opted to pull some good wood from a shipwreck, despite a warning from an ominous old sea captain. The wreck had originally been the Oreo, a slave ship that had dumped prisoners, and then misfortune had befallen its owners and sailors many times since. No points for guessing what comes next, although Cain does warn the reader, if you get a good deal on a used boat, maybe check the paint and make sure it doesn't say 'San Mateo' under it.

Not great, but readable. Feels a little short even for the era, though. (There's a opener with the horror hosts, and a witch's broomstick gag page as well.)

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"Taken."

I don't love this one, because it ran afoul of my staging: Longshot's unconscious ass was on the farthest edge of stage left. (From the point of view of someone facing out at us!) Without breaking up the set, I spent a lot of time trying to finagle a shot from the other side of the bar shooting out; which was difficult because of the placement of the figures, focus, and that such a shot would also include most of my living room! It's something that comics could do easily, but in movies I believe it would be considered breaking the 180˚ Rule. (Stephen King mentions breaking the rule when he was directing Maximum Overdrive, out of ignorance; that's an interesting read there.) Long story short, I ran out of interesting angles or shots for Satana and Dazzler to talk over Longshot.

I wanted to get at the idea that Longshot might be as guilty of toxic masculinity as most superguys; that he decided to forget his wife and kid, under the notion that he'd be better able to protect them. I think this is technically accurate: Longshot leaping into action to protect strangers, would be a noble act, and his luck powers would kick in. Protecting his family, however, would somehow be considered a selfish act, and his luck would not only not work, it may backfire completely. This may make Longshot a more tragic character, or more of a dumbass. Or both? 

In the words of the great Evan Dorkin, "Don't drink Zima! It zucks! And it's made by Coors!" That said, I'm positive I've had it at least once; but I think I drank wine coolers for a ridiculous amount of time, so as usual, my taste is questionable.

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If I got zinged by Steve Rogers, I think I'd give up intelligence, it obviously wasn't working for him.

The cover scene doesn't happen inside this issue, but still got me to buy it: from 2015, Hulk #13, "The Omega Hulk, chapter nine" Written by Gerry Duggan, pencils by Mark Bagley, inks by Drew Hennessy.

We've seen maybe some of this storyline before, although I just searched my blog for when...yeah, chapter two, wherein the new, improved? nanotech-altered Hulk as "Doc Green" de-powered Rick Jones/A-Bomb. It took me a second, because I had put Gerry as 'Gary,' had to fix that. Doc Green had by this point depowered Skaar, Red She-Hulk, and the Gamma Corps; but Red Hulk was his main target. Another target might be taken off the board, at least for the moment, as the then-aged Steve Rogers tells Doc Green, that Jennifer Walters was off-limits. Steve floors him with a trick cane, which doesn't seem like the sort of stunt that would work twice; then takes a call from Deadpool, who was currently working for Doc Green, on the trail of the Red Hulk. (This was in a relatively brief window, before Secret Empire, where Pool was a trusted ally for Steve; also post-Red Hulk's Thunderbolts.)

At the Baxter Building--I'm thinking the FF were gone at the time, huh?--Doc Green's assistants were still trying to find Lyra, who was lost in time and/or space. (I forget her deal; I think she was introduced and written out fairly quickly. I mainly recall her as an unreleased Marvel Legends swap figure.) The bedraggled assistants are in over their heads, and Doc Green sadly releases them from any obligations to him. But, he also thinks A.I. might be able to find Lyra, except his "Project Omega" had gone rogue and disappeared. Later, Doc Green storms Red Leader's new lab, killing his new gamma mutate (Gasp! Not Dim!) then depowering him. Doc tells the powerless Sterns to stay out of the gamma business, but Project Omega, under its new name "Gammon," later resets him to his usual green look.

Doc Green then teleports to Deadpool, keeping tabs on the Red Hulk near Yucca Mountain: the Red Hulk could absorb radiation, and Doc Green likens this to "Popeye sleeping with a can of spinach under his pillow." Deadpool says, great, I'm gonna bail, but Doc Green borrows his phone, to call Rick Jones: not to talk to him, though. He knew Project Omega would be monitoring him, and speaks directly to it: find Lyra, and then they can leave each other alone. Pool is amused at Doc Green apparently calling the sky to yell at it, but he has another job for the merc: hit Ross with this special bullet, in the eye or ear, to inhibit his radiation-absorbing ability. Miss or cop out, and Doc Green would tattle, that Pool betrayed Ross.

This still had three more chapters, running to the last issue of this series. Then was maybe Totally Awesome Hulk, a bit of confusing legacy numbering, the traumatized Jennifer Walters Hulk run, then Immortal Hulk. All of which somehow feel longer ago and further away than this one, somehow. (Probably because it's the issue next to me right now; mystery solved.) Read more!

Do all only children want siblings that badly, or just Kryptonian ones?

More than likely this plot was used more than a few times in Super-books: a ship arrives on earth, with a passenger with super-strength and such; obviously they must be part of the family! From 1969, Adventure Comics #385, "Supergirl's Big Sister!" Written by Robert Kanigher, art by Kurt Schaffenberger.

This one's a bit different than Mon-El's appearance in Superboy #89, as instead of making an assumption based on evidence at hand; Supergirl's alleged sister Kranna claims to be such from the start. (She also tells Kara all this like she could see the panels!) Kranna says thanks to radiation from their parents' lab, she was basically already super by the time she was five, when she was abducted by pirates who erased the memory of her with an amnesia-beam. Feels like there's already a few holes in her story: wouldn't her parents have noticed her room or her stuff? Baby pictures and such? The pirate king intended for Kranna to marry his son when they both grew up, and kept her prisoner with a Kryptonite field surrounding the castle--had Krypton blown up at that point? How would they have known that would contain her? Doesn't matter: Kranna grew up, and developed an immunity to Kryptonite. She had been keeping tabs on her younger sister's career on earth, and stole a rocket and escaped to join her. 

Kranna had also brought something from the pirate planet: coal! Not just coal, but super-coal, which Kranna suggests would be too tough for Supergirl to turn into diamonds like earth coal. Supergirl proves her wrong, crushing the coal into diamonds easily, but is then called away by Superman's super-ventriloquism. Kara flies off, but Kranna wants to put the diamonds away for safekeeping first: yeah she does, since this was an elaborate scam! "Kranna" was really Carol Benton, daughter of an earth scientist; and all her super-feats were hidden devices or lightweight props. Still, Kara wasn't fooled: she had faked Superman's call, since she guessed "Kranna" would laugh first chance she got. She burns the diamonds, and tells Carol where she messed up: the obvious one, she wouldn't have needed a rocket, she would've flown.

Also this issue: "The Jilting of Supergirl!" (Written by Robert Kanigher, pencils by Win Mortimer, inks by Jack Abel.) 'Jilting' isn't used much anymore, is it? As Linda Lee, Supergirl visits the Daily Planet: she had intended to ask Clark, to ask Superman to help with a college building fund, but Superman was actually there. Lois had been having a "girls' talk" with visiting Princess Vee-Ra of Galaxy XL-9, who then flies off with Superman for a night on the universe. Lois then breaks down in front of Linda: she was worried Supes would fall for a woman with powers, since he could never marry Lois without the risk of criminals trying to get at him through her. That has to be remarkably awkward, but Linda tries to comfort Lois, while secretly being glad she would never have that problem. Yes, never, ever, ever...I haven't even turned the page yet, and I'm pretty sure that's going to bite her in the ass.

Linda saves an underground borer from an underground civilization, just like saving a random falling jumbo jet or something, not a big deal; then goes to a dance, where her date is not doing it for her. Likewise, a later date with a star athlete, who can't keep up with a Supergirl. (Not like that; on a bike ride!)  But, new transfer student Steve might be a prospect: good-looking, insanely smart. The guy recognizes Macbeth in Swahili! Of course, he's a star athlete, and when he takes Linda on a rock-climbing date, also has levitation powers that he learned from a guru in India! (Batman must've missed training with that one!) OK, yeah, he's from the underground civilization, the super-powered Prince Raynor of an underground world. Linda is more than sold, and goes with him to the underground city, where everything goes swimmingly--until she gets captured by local malcontents, who want to extort the secret super-power elixir from the royal family. Supergirl is dismayed, she can't break free of the net, and Raynor has to save her, but the engagement is off. Calling her a "hindrance," Raynor cuts ties with her, even though Supergirl is pretty sure that was a Red Kryptonite thing, a one-off. She returns to earth to walk in the rain, in the same boat as Lois Lane; although Raynor seems like a showoff. And the 'malcontents' could've been just anti-monarchy, which I could get behind.

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I'm not going to mince words: this summer has kind of sucked ass so far? It's too damn hot, everything is terrible, and I've lost the ability to feel any emotions beside perpetually vaguely annoyed. But, the kids are getting excited for the upcoming Deadpool and Wolverine--like, really excited. Avengers: Endgame excited, and if this one doesn't blow the doors off the theatre; hell, we might as well go back to cowboy movies or whatever the hell we used to watch. But, this is a blog about comics, so let's see one: from 2014, Deadpool vs. X-Force #1, "Time to Die #1" Written by Duane Swierczynski, art by Pepe Larraz.

In 1777, the British army is making short work of a band of "dirty, undisciplined American rebels," when seemingly from nowhere, Deadpool rushes their line, guns them down, then takes out the English general, after checking a book to make sure it was OK. Meanwhile, centuries later, Cable was having visions of the timestream collapsing, and makes a visit to Dr. Francis Talbot: a billionaire who laid the groundwork for the time machine Cable would himself use centuries later. Talbot admits, he's done "something...impulsive." which we can probably guess. After his grandson had died in Operation: Desert Storm, Talbot had hired a mercenary to change the past; a mercenary who instead pushed him down and stole his prototype and disappeared. Cable could've gone after the mercenary--who he doesn't know yet!--but going in alone might be a bad idea, so he brings Warpath, Boom Boom, Cannonball, and Domino. X-Force? No, not yet; regardless of what the cover might say. Where does this fall in continuity? Before New Mutants #98? Midway through that one?

Deadpool is in waiting, to snipe another target in his copybook, when Cable walks across his sights: Pool wonders, what's the glowy eye about? Mascara? Cable tries to call him out, and gets shot; but that gives time for his team to strike. Pool disappears, but realizes he dropped his book, which Domino finds. Cable realizes Pool's next target; and he, Domino, and Warpath go after him, to 1863. Where Deadpool ambushes them, with a band of Confederate soldiers! To be continued...aw, seriously? The J. Scott Campbell cover didn't note anywhere that this was issue one of four or anything; I thought this'd just be a one-shot. Boo. Read more!

"Just one more twist and the universe was his!" Ugh, friggin' child-proof prison tops!

This is the second time--at least the second time--I've bought a cheap copy of this issue. I meant to blog it before, and somehow it got filed somewhere; so I'd best do this immediately: from 1976, the Twilight Zone #68, cover by Jack Sparling and George Wilson.

"The Second Will" is an out-of-body experience number: a young man keeps having vivid reoccuring dreams, culminating in a visit to his uncle, recently deceased. The uncle says it was murder, that he had been murdered by his brother and sister (or in-laws, or some combination thereof) who withheld his heart medication. Unc tells him of a secret will, and that he should make sure it's read first: when he announces where the will was hidden at the reading, his surviving aunt and uncle snatch it up to read first, but it's a bomb, killing them both. Feels like the young man might be on the hook for some kind of homicide charge there; but he comes out rich.

"A Lease on Death" is short and slight; then the cover story, "The Wide Open Spaces." In a far-flung future, Bobb Hanry Disco has a great name but little else: he's a career criminal using robots for heists, but even a slick invisibility trick comes up short and he's nicked. Growing up in a horribly overcrowded habitat, he had been willing to do anything to get out; a story the judge is not particularly sympathetic to, sentencing him to hard labor on "max-secure camp 'Mars-19.'" Bobb is determined to escape; outwitting the robot guards, using the invisibility trick again, and getting a space suit, to bust out, to...a horribly ironic twist on the title. (And one that would've been brutally hard to pull off with the effects back then!)

"Discovery" is closer to a classic episode, as young student Barbara Miles could be a scientific prodigy, if she could be bothered to care: she was young, pretty, and rich; why would she want a career in science again? But, at an evening swim, she sees another woman floundering and about to drown, and saves her: a strangely familiar woman, who seems bored even with that. The woman disappears, and later Barbara's mom asks, what beach? There wasn't a beach down there...Barbara goes again, and this time gets caught in a riptide and nearly drowns herself. She's saved by another woman: a better version of the first, a better version of her own future self. Who also disappears, but has helped Barbara to make a choice, science over idling. Not bad, but that might have been tough to film as well. ("A Lease on Death" had art by Frank Bolle; and "The Wide Open Spaces" art by Jack Sparling; but those were the only credits the GCD had.)

Also this issue: Bugs Bunny, and Hostess Fruit Pies, help "Elmer's Love Life!" Which surprisingly doesn't involve Bugs in drag. Also, "give me a tumble" is archaic now, but still sounds filthy; despite the fact I know I've seen the phrase in other comics. Read more!