I'll cop to picking this issue just 'cause I wanted to listen to the Specials.

Picked out of the mountain of comics I ordered mid-COVID, from 2011, Jonah Hex #67, "Ghost Town" Written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti, art by Jordi Bernet.

This one opens with a sheriff stirring up the townspeople, to go get that murderin' bastard Jonah Hex; who appears to have had his good name slandered again, as happens every so often. Elsewhere, a wagon and riders are ambushed and nearly all killed, when Hex shows up with a stick of dynamite. One of the surviving cowboys notes Hex didn't so much as save them, as not want to be messed with today; but the reluctant Hex helps them get their wagonful of medicine to a town afflicted with the pox. Hex then masks up--like a good citizen, or at least not a complete moron--and takes the wagon in.

Of course, this being a Jonah Hex comic, even in plaguetown somebody takes a potshot at Hex. He finds "a man on a crusade to see you dead," wearing the Confederate grays as to pass himself off as Hex. He also had the pox, and presented that as a dilemma for Hex: to clear his name, Hex needed the guy's corpse, but couldn't take it to another town without risking the spread of infection. The guy probably wasn't expecting Hex to take it upon himself to nurse him back to health. Meanwhile, outside the town, the angry sheriff and his posse question the two riders still camped out there, who don't think Hex is that bad of a guy, but you do you.

The posse arrives to find both Hex and his imposter in the bar, and the latter suggests maybe they should kill both of them to make sure. Instead, Hex kills him for the bounty; which convinces the posse he's the real deal: a bastard. They leave Hex--who said he already had the pox, so didn't care--drinking happily alone in a ghost town bar, "like church in hell with a congregation of ghosts." Sounds like a fun evening!
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A bit ago we saw an Ann Nocenti DD issue I was pretty sure I'd read before; today we've got one I'm pretty sure I hadn't. From 1987, Daredevil #240, "The Face You Deserve" Written by Ann Nocenti, pencils by Louis Williams, inks by Al Williamson.

For a change, we've randomly got the second chapter of a two-parter; as Daredevil is still on the trail of slasher-killer Rotgut, who was convinced the city and its people were poisoning him. DD follows a lead but ends up giving a crooked landlord the what-for instead; unaware that he's just helped out Rotgut's mother. She seemed more than a bit off herself, traumatized by her mother's lingering deathbed illness; which convinced the young Rotgut he was poisoned. Rotgut also seemed to be an albino, but it's unclear if he had been before or if a life believing he was touched by rot had taken its toll.

Matt and Karen go on a double-date with Karen's friend Hilda, and her lout of a new boyfriend. Hilda may have given Rotgut his name; since she had waited on him the week before. In fact, she later takes off on her own, since she thought she had seen Rotgut, and trails him back to his apartment building, where he's got...a massive red pill-shaped container of poison, that he's tying into the water supply. As DD listens for Hilda's police whistle, the Fat Boys approach him about wanting to join in the fight against crime. Not being Batman massively irresponsible, he tells them no way, but they follow DD when he gets the signal, and catch up as he falls into a trap. Hilda warns them about the poisoned water, and the Fat Boys start to warn the building's tenants. Hilda also gets a lead pipe upside the head, but maybe lives?

Rotgut has made one error: maybe he should've told his mother first. Granted, her feelings are a tad hurt at being poisoned a bit, but her psychosis seems just as strong as his, as she accuses him of being "gutrot." Rotgut wants to kill himself, but is stopped by Daredevil. Meanwhile, the Fat Boys saved the tenants; but one lets the blustering, angry landlord have a nice tall glass of water for his headache. He seems a bit guilty about that, but I don't know which Fat Boy it was (if they were differentiated at all at this point) or if it ever came up again. He may or may not have been Cain in DD #252; who also seemed to let a lot of things happen without stopping them.

If you're a longtime Marvel reader, this was the month with the "Brach's Gum Dinger Adventures" ad on the back cover, with Gumby and Pokey! Who, honestly, I don't think I had ever seen before at the time. Quite the disconnect from the insides of this issue, too.

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So the "Death of X" variant cover for Nightcrawler is him getting burned at the stake; and for Deadpool it's...him dying in bed, surrounded by loved ones, evidence of a life well-led, and a cat and a rubber chicken? Oh, that seems fair...from 2016, Deadpool #15, written by Gerry Duggan, pencils by Mike Hawthorne, inks by Terry Pallot. This cover's by Dan Brereton; there were four covers total for this one; and the amount of series just titled "Deadpool" made this a bother to sort out. And it's a Civil War II crossover, so I'm just getting more irritated.

Deadpool's Mercs for Money have ransacked Pool's office, and along with "so much porn" they've discovered he's been skimming them, presumably cheating them out of the profits. Pool also had a safe deposit box in "Ho-ho-kus New Jersey," and Solo advises they should check that for the contracts Pool made them sign. (Wouldn't the skimming be a breach of contract on Pool's side? And why was Pool skimming?) The guys barely get along, and Foolkiller is accidentally-on-purpose knocked unconscious, but they head for the box. Meanwhile, Deadpool himself sneaks into the Ultimates' Triskelion headquarters, to see--and possibly kill--the Inhuman precog Ulysses. Pool claims he doesn't believe in Ulysses' powers, since "you can't possibly know my future, because even I don't know what I'm going to do from minute to minute. It's like what happens next isn't even written." Subtly meta for this book; but Ulysses suggests if Pool really meant to kill him, his powers would've given him the head's up. He seemingly contradicts that after Pool asks about his daughter, claiming he only sees massive disasters, not little stuff. On the other hand, he sees the Mercs headed to Pool's box; looks like it's on channel 4?

Placated, Pool storms off, and immediately runs into the Black Panther, who is not amused. Especially when Pool ducks out to "deliver a glorious upper decker." Bastard! After exchanging kicks to the groin, Panther knocks Pool out a window, and mangled and broken Pool is somehow able to get away, even as Panther throws a toilet at him. Somebody probably had to clean that up, man! Pool is also able to get to Ho-ho-kus as the Mercs finally find the right deposit box, with the contracts and tapes of "the event that made him famous in Washington D.C." That refers to the first issue or so, I think; but Solo tells them that wasn't even Deadpool, it was him. That shocker is followed by another: Pool lobbing in a bomb, and telling the Mercs he was going to have to let them go..."into a fine pink mist."

I only read this run sporadically, so I'm not sure why Pool is such a dick to the Mercs? Did he need the money that badly, something with his kid maybe? Did he hate them because he hated himself? Was being the biggest jerk the only way to keep them in line? Or was he messing with them just because?


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Largely refusing to draw your main character, seems like a baller way to say "this costume blows."

I'm absolutely not blaming the creative team, but if this issue was missing the cover or you flipped to the middle; you might have a hard time identifying the title. From 2019, the Punisher #11, "War in Bagalia, part six" Written by Matthew Rosenberg, art by Szymon Kudranski, colot by Antonio Fabela.

Like the title says, this issue is in Bagalia...a name I don't recognize at all; but it's controlled by Baron Zemo and Hydra. Per the recap, Jigsaw had been sent to stop Frank; failing that he had taken Frank's ally Sister Mercy hostage, and a motorcycle chase ensued. Frank chews up Jigsaw's men, who do seem impressed with his motorcycle skills, and Jigsaw is forced to leave Sister Mercy's corpse to stall him. In the middle of a reception to push for diplomatic legitimacy, Zemo is less than thrilled to have to take a call from Jigsaw:

I never saw Z. curse out the Thunderbolts, and they turned on him! Disobeying orders, Jigsaw decides to make for Zemo's "precious tower," even though he sees Zemo's copter leaving--because Zemo blows it up! It's a massive explosion and Frank and Jigsaw are maybe twenty yards away? Ah, they're fine; but their shootout is delayed when Jigsaw points out Zemo is getting away. Zemo makes an announcement that the Punisher "set off a bomb," and the citizens should evacuate the city but also kill Frank if they see him. Frank gets to the airfield in time to jump on Zemo's plane: although the pilot thinks it's nothing, Zemo knows what's up, shoots the doubting pilot, and orders Hydra Air Control to shoot down his own plane! You'd think they would jump at that order.

Zemo bails out, leaving Frank to take the dead pilot's seat and parachute out himself. But the rescue copters are there for Zemo; the Punisher couldn't have possibly survived...A Hydra rescuer mentions sending a crew to check later, which is just as good as giving Frank a ride home. Send the depth charges if you want to be sure. (I hadn't planned on two with rescue copters in the same week!)

I don't know if this was a choice, but Frank is hardly seen this issue; and when he is? He's got a shaved head and his shirt is a small Punisher skull over a Hydra logo, for Secret Empire. I'm guessing they didn't sell a lot of those shirts; even though Twitter is full of dicks gagging for fascist Punisher. I think Rosenberg would do better later; but I can't blame him for not getting that silk purse from Secret Empire's sow's ear.
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"Shape of."

I still haven't seen Guillermo del Toro's the Shape of Water. Some time, I suppose. And Typhoid's comment there may be a direct reference to one of the only bits of Sex and the City that I've ever seen--I had a roommate that loved it. It wasn't for me, but I have to admit it was a solid joke...


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Somehow, they fit thirteen X-Men in that thing.

One of the few Nightcrawler figures not in my current display is the Marvel Universe three-and-three-quarters inch figure, who is currently piloting a Blackbird; a G.I. Joe Cobra Night Raven, based on the undeniably cool Lockheed SR-71. Which was never, ever, ever going to have room for thirteen X-Men.

But putting that aside, how Cobra got it, I couldn't say; even they seem to think they don't deserve it, in today's book: from 1987, G.I. Joe Special Missions #5, "Showdown!" Written by Larry Hama, art by Herb Trimpe.

On Cobra Island, all the pilots want to check out the new toy, the Night Raven; but its pilot Strato-Viper doesn't have time for the "slow-movers," "duds who don't qualify to fly the primo stuff." One of them is caught gawking at the "breakout tool" in the cockpit: if damaged, the canopy could jam, leaving the pilot trapped. Even through his mask, you can feel the Strato-Viper sneer as he steps on the gawker's hand; and the other pilots discuss how that cold-fish had been surgically altered to resist altitude sickness and g-forces. S-V's mission today was to take surveillance photos of an air force base in Florida: as Hawk briefs the Joe pilots, the Night Raven never quite violated American airspace, but could still get close enough for pics, and they were going up to keep him in line.

Unlike the Strato-Viper, the Joe pilots have a cheerful comradery with the ground crew and the rescue pilots. Slipstream had a present for the son of one of his crew; a Jetfire action figure...that looks like Megatron, but it's a nice thought. Ace and Slipstream get all up in the Strato-Viper's face: they were under orders not to shoot first, but it doesn't take much to irritate S-V into firing a missile and a flare. Ace is hit and forced to eject, while the flare leaves Slipstream momentarily blinded. While the rescue copters scramble to get Ace, Slipstream is clipped by a missile and goes into a stall, then a spin: the Strato-Viper assumes he's done for, and doesn't even bother to "ride his kill." (I'm 90% sure I learned that expression from one of the Han Solo novels from Brian Daley.) He thinks he's free and clear, even if some of his onboard systems are out, either due to catching a flare, or shoddy maintenance, but whatever.

Slipstream recovers, and catches S-V napping, chewing up the Night Raven's tail with his machine guns before launching the sidewinders. With both engines out, the Strato-Viper tries to glide close enough to Cobra Island for his rescue copters to get him, even if they seem completely unenthusiastic about the chore. Meanwhile, Slipstream finds Ace on his rescue raft, and holds position until the copters arrive; while the Night Raven's canopy does fail to open as foreshadowed, and his rescue team isn't going to risk their safety going balls-out to get him. They arrive just as the Night Raven sinks, with no raft visible; probably because one of them had swiped the breakout tool. The lesson, take care of your support staff and team, and they'll take care of you; might be a bit heavy, but just means it lands hard.

(X-Men panel from Giant-Size X-Men #1, story by Len Wein, art by Dave Cockrum. It's from the last page and I thought I'd have an easy time finding it online, but no dice.)
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Going car shopping in a bit, and hopefully rewarding myself with some comics afterwards; but we have a second for a book that was on one of the bingo cards some time back! From 2011, Marvel Comics Super Heroes #16, "Stars, Stripes, and Spiders!" Written by Todd Dezago, pencils by Lou Kang, inks by Pat Davidson. And this is actually a reprint of 2004's Marvel Age Spider-Man Team-Up with a lot of Cap branding and ads for his movie. But this even goes a step further, with Len Wein and Gil Kane listed as inspiration, since a lot of the plot is from Marvel Team-Up #13!

In the original story, Spidey is more of a seasoned pro, but also reeling from Gwen Stacy's death and jaded, bitter, and sarcastic. Today's version is for the kids, so it's high school--um, I mean, college! Totally college-age Spider-Man; not quite a rookie, but still more than a little star-struck at meeting Cap. Fighting the Grey Gargoyle, they get turned to stone as in the original version; but at least some lip service is paid as to how both Spidey and Cap recovered faster than the Gargoyle's usual one-hour of turn-to-stone. Instead of the rocket scheme from the original, which was probably necessitated by the Gargoyle's last appearance; this time he and A.I.M. are trying to steal the Super-Soldier Serum. Or what they thought was the Serum; Cap may have sent them on a wild goose chase!

(Freedom intensifies.) Nine ads and a corner-box movie date for Captain America this issue! Still, not a bad little retelling of one I have fond memories of.
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Mmm-mmm, Conan! That's good eatin'!

I know I had this issue from a subscription, but not unlike Fantastic Four around the same time, I was waiting for a promised new storyline to begin, and there was a lot of filler before we got there. From 1990, Conan the Barbarian #228, "Red Teeth" Written by Gerry Conway, breakdowns by Dwayne Turner, cover and finishes by Rodney Ramos.

Conan is seeing a hot dancing girl, Lyanda; and is getting a little tired of other men coveting her: he wants her to quit, and he will support her. She laughs at that, on a mercenary's salary? But their discussion is interrupted by an intruder in her bedroom: her brother, Rasu. Rasu was a captain in the palace guard, but had to keep his parentage and family on the downlow to protect his career. He had to hide out at his sister's, since General Mustafa may have suspected him of disloyalty, and several disloyal men had already disappeared mysteriously. In short order, they are attacked: Conan suggests they fight in the dark, but that doesn't seem to have put the other side at a disadvantage: instead, the small, bitey foes flee from the light.

Rasu explains Mustafa had risen quickly through the ranks, but demanded personal loyalty from his troops, and those who wouldn't swear to him often vanished later. Lyanda wants Rasu to flee, but he's not ready to give up yet, especially if Conan will join him. If Rasu could make general, he could make Conan a captain, and Lyanda would be all his...or so she suggests while giving Rasu a wink. Meanwhile, Mustafa is punishing another he felt betrayed him; so when Conan and Rasu sneak into his place, they find a trail of blood leading to a dank, dark stairway. Mustafa had discovered these cannibal, Moloid-looking creatures; and they had a good working relationship: Mustafa set them on his foes, and they got to eat them. Win-win!

Mustafa tells Rasu he has to die, but if Conan would offer his oath and his sword, he could live. Not unexpectedly, Conan gives him his sword, throwing it hard enough to impale Mustafa. The cannibals aren't really broken up about this, nor are they sentimental enough to not start eating Mustafa; which Conan hopes will give him and Rasu time to escape...This was a two-parter, and pretty sure Rasu and Lyanda were going to betray Conan in the next one.

There's also a preview on the letters page for the "new" Conan; which would be Young Conan with Ron Lim art, which wouldn't start until #232. Now I'm not sure if this was a fill-in, or scheduled; there was another two-parter coming.

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Oh, sure, it's fine when Batman does it.

It has to be tough to use a villain next after Grant Morrison. Can you top him? Today's book makes a game try of it, by having him start with the most Morrison speech possible. From 2000, Batman: Gotham Knights #5, "Locked" Written by Devin Grayson, pencils by Dale Eaglesham, inks by John Floyd.

If I recall correctly, the first maybe year of this title was narrated by Hugo Strange, building his case files to get into Batman's head. And, in passing, the Key's as well; (relatively) fresh from his JLA appearance: he had been left in a "doorless fractal time-maze" by the Martian Manhunter. (Just say "mind-prison." Done.) Having freed himself in what sounds like a solid batch of self-actualization, the Key had now locked all the doors in Arkham, while he and his little outfitted goons fight Batman, Azrael, and (Cassie) Batgirl. Any one of whom should've been able to beat the tar out of them, but let's go on.

Every door in Arkham Asylum locked included locking up all the food as well, so inmates and trapped staff alike were both near starved at this point. Batman tears into the Key; to the point that Batgirl and Azrael have to intervene. And if those two think Bats has gone too far; that's a bit. Batman then throws a drug dealer off a roof to his death, if not for Batgirl saving him. Azrael confronts Batman, as the 'captured' Key drugs Robin and explains his game: if he can get Batman to kill him, he'll achieve a level of unprecedented fame, as well as "the ultimate escape! What door, after all, can bar you from death?"

In a reversal of their earlier positions, Azrael finds himself fighting to keep Batman from killing; but their fight is given short shrift, with Bats walking over him. Instead, it's a random doctor that talks Batman down, albeit while Bats hallucinates hearing it from his dead dad. Batman produces an injector of some kind, with an antidote to the Key's drug, from under his cape...or out of his ass, since where did that come from? It's possible he had it the whole time, but the drug precluded him from thinking to use it. The Key threatens to kill himself, but a disgruntled Batman takes a scalpel away from him, and says the only way to impress him would be to figure out a way to lock the Key up, which that nut sees as a challenge.

I've been trying to scare up the last issue of Azrael: Agent of the Bat for a while now; but I don't think anyone really took to his more-generically super-hero looking costume. That, and he had luxurious blonde locks that Thor would envy. Also this issue: a Batman: Black & White story, "Hide and Seek" Written by Paul Levitz, art by Paul Rivoche. It's not bad, but has one of those moments where Bats should maybe tell people what he's doing, before Commissioner Gordon has to start an unnecessary citywide lockdown...
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"Breakfast."

So, our waitress is familiar with Graveyard Shift, and so are we.

Hey, it's Skullbuster and Cole? Macon? No, Reese! Somebody on possibly the Fwoosh put the Reese head on the Cable body, which is passable; but Cable had an X-shaped scar or tattoo on his arm that Reese probably would not; hence a bit of band-aid in its place. And our "Khonshu" is the suit body and a vending machine fossil dinosaur pencil topper. Hmm, I know there's a Deadpool with the white suit, but I don't like the red tie for this, which probably just saved me forty bucks...
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If you told me in '86 I'd like them better than Hal, I would never have believed it.

There are some pairings in comics that are virtually unbreakable: even though DC might try to get some mileage from Wonder Woman and Superman together, c'mon. You know Supes is going to be back with Lois sooner or later. Diana and Steve Trevor, maybe, maybe not. I'm always surprised when this one hasn't been rolled back, although I'm happy she's done better; and at first glance of the cover I thought it was going to be the break-up/reset. From 2015, Green Lantern #38, "Leave" Written by Robert Venditti, art by Admira Wijaya.

As often happens, we randomly saw the previous issue a couple months back. After the Godhead crossover, the Guardians of the Universe have the traditional performance review for Hal, and they have notes: maybe he saved the universe, but he disobeyed orders by bringing in Black Hand, and Oa was gone. Hal is sent back to earth while the Guardians chew over what to do with him, on leave. Before he can get there, there's also the now-traditional jurisdictional dispute, as earth is now Red Lantern turf, overseen by Guy Gardner! Hal doesn't want any trouble, just a quiet beer. Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Hal's evening is immediately crashed by Guy, who ropes him into a game of pool; but Barry calls next, having run over from Central to say hey. Guy, in a bit of remarkable helpfulness, had called him; although both of them seem oblivious to Hal's sourpuss as they complain about everything going on for them. After the mandatory barroom brawl, they get thrown out, and Hal finally blows up at them both: he'd wanted an evening without Lanterns or the JLA. He wants to go back in the bar alone, but is stopped by Carol; leaving Guy and Barry to finish boozing together. It's weird to see Carol in casual, contemporary clothing; I think she was business wear in most of her GL appearances I remember.

While Carol was currently with Kyle Rayner, she still cared about Hal, and wanted to check up on him. While they both seemingly felt surprised they didn't end up together, and weren't opposed to maybe reuniting later, right now she tells him he's the only one that can answer what he's supposed to be. (Kyle doesn't show up here, since I figure he'd be the type to trust Carol absolutely and not get weird and jealous. Maybe when he first started, but not now.) Still, Hal seems like kind of a dick to everyone here: Guy was trying to help in his Guy-way, since he knows bothering Hal takes his mind of his own problems. Barry needed a friend and advice and gets neither; and Hal acting less cocksure than usual with Carol almost seems like a ploy to get her back.

Back in Green Lantern #200, Guy and Carol both attack Hal; almost 30 years later they're incredibly supportive and more likeable than him. Some things in comics do change, eventually!


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