Another one that won't fit in the scanner, but I didn't think I would ever have: I wasn't even positive it ever came out! From 1991, Badger Bedlam #1, written by Mike Baron, pencils by Steven Butler, inks by Ken Branch. Cover by Jay Geldhof. 

Badger is legitimately crazy, and on occasion would make poor choices. Multiple poor choices, in succession: trying to outrun the cops when they try to stop him for speeding, then fighting the cops after ditching his motorcycle in the river, then fighting the judge at his arraignment! He gets sent to the "Reich Center for Phobic Disorders," and it's pretty obvious nothing good happens there. Badger cycles through his various personalities while Dr. Reich schedules his lobotomy; but an old bad guy (who I hadn't seen before!) is there as well...A fair chunk of this issue is flashbacks, to Norbert's time as a POW in Vietnam. 

This was intended to be the first quarterly issue of First Comics new publishing scheme; moving away from traditional monthly floppies to squarebound "prestige" format books. They did not get a lot of them out before the company folded; and in all those years I don't think I'd ever seen a copy of this one! I just got a mountain of cheap books recently from Midtown Comics, and lucked into it. (A tip I hadda figure out myself: I had a Legion flight ring and a store-branded marker in my cart, but they would've DQ'd my order from free shipping!)

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Always some mothersmurfer bringin' a badger to a dog fight.

Wait, that would be effective. And I would wear that tracksuit now if I could get one! From 1984, Badger #4, "Dogfight" Written by Mike Baron, art by Jeffrey Butler.

An oil sheik gets the red carpet treatment from Carl Avery, "the sportin'est man in southern Wisconsin," meaning his fingers were in a lot of gambling, including dog fights. While a small-time thug fronts the money for a fight, it's pre-empted by the sudden arrival of Badger, who claims his 'dog' can take both of theirs. Despite protests that it's definitely a badger, Badger is more than able to thump anybody that would say otherwise. Avery isn't buying, but the thug thinks his pit bull could take the "glout hound." Instead, Badger whistles, perhaps a warning to the pit bull, who rolls over and gives. Badger does have to adminster a beating to the thug, but has attracted the attention of the pretty Pamela Sue, who's looking for action. Maybe not the kind you would think, though.

Pamela Sue takes Badger to Avery's bar--the real one, beneath a plain front upstairs. A local picks a fight with Badger, but Avery had put him up to it on a bet, and has another in mind: 5 G's to take Herkimer Kropenski, who looks to have a solid foot and change over Badger. Badger eventually triumphs, which costs Avery $25,000 to the sheik: Badger isn't mad, but does spit in his hat for the dog fight. And Pamela Sue was still up for more action...meanwhile, the sheik bids Avery thanks and good night, then removes his disguise: Badger's boss, druid wizard Ham! Up $75,000 and a new dog; but later Badger realizes what he had in mind for the dog: a ritual sacrifice, to create a low pressure area. (Later in the series Ham's powers seem somewhat more esoteric, but early on he was a "weather wizard," and possibly much less benign than all that.) Increasingly unstable, Badger tries to stop Ham, who is reluctantly forced to banish him to limbo. Well, maybe it'll do him some good. Or not. Whatever. Unfortunately for Ham, his secretary (and Badger's somewhat beleaguered therapist) Daisy saw that, and says she'll quit if Ham doesn't let the dog go and bring Badger back. Ugh, such a hassle...

But, unfortunately, this was the last issue of Badger...from Capital Comics, anyway. Badger, Nexus, and Whisper would all go on at First Comics. And, this plotline would as well, as Badger's next appearances would be in Nexus #6-#8. Read more!

Another book I'm surprised we haven't seen yet, but I may remember why...

Although I just grabbed another from the dollar bin, this may have been my first First comic, marked down at a Hastings in Great Falls, Montana. From 1989, Badger Goes Berserk! #1, written by Mike Baron, art by Spyder (Neil Hansen) and Jay Geldhof, Denys Cowan and Malcolm Jones III, Denis Kitchen, Steve Epting, and Jill Thompson.

This was my introduction to Badger, and this limited was a highwater point for the character, a four issue jam with a ton of great artists used to often devastating effect. While there's still some jokes, this was also far more serious than Badger usually was, in more ways than one. In Madison, WI, after smashing a black man's radio (for playing it too loud) Badger gets into a fight with three of them, beating them handily. Which impresses Larry no end: Badger had often in the past called anyone 'Larry,' seemingly a bizarre affectation; but here we meet the genuine article, his stepdad. Shocked and more unstable than most realized, Badger faints dead away, which doesn't impress his new 'stepbrother' Jesse, a dickhead from his past.

After a disturbing flashback to the abuse Badger suffered as a child, we check in with his supporting cast, including his boss, the wizard Ham. Badger had been MIA for a few days, which wasn't uncommon for him, but Ham wanted him to investigate a number of dogs that were being delivered around the country for unknown reasons. Badger's new bride, Mavis, consults with his doctor; who advises that while Badger's multiple personality disorder may appear to be integrated, the odds of that were extremely unlikely.

At a kennel, Larry and Jesse dump a bucket of water on Badger, to wake him up and let them in on their plan: 'white' dogs, trained to attack non-whites, to stir up a race war that the All-White Brotherhood figures think will wipe them out. (Sadly, this part isn't completely fictional, see here.) Larry knew Badger could talk to animals, and thought he would be a big help; Badger wants no part of them. Jesse chokes him out, triggering another flashblack, to a beating he give young Norbert around high school. Another persona surfaces, eight-year-old Emily: unsure what to do with him, Jesse suggests throwing him in with the dogs, to train them...or not. Sink or swim time. The dogs don't attack 'Emily,' and later another personality takes over, Gastineau, who uses the dogs to fight his way out and escape...

Denys Cowan and Jill Thompson were great from day one, man; and I always liked Neil Hansen, wish he had done more. This may hit different for other readers, because I don't think you see this as often anymore: there are a lot of slurs in this book. I don't think Badger was often concerned with political correctness, though. Also this issue: Mike Baron eschews talking about Badger, to tell us about dinner with Jackie Chan instead. He didn't need to talk up Badger, this issue made me a fan, of the character and Baron. And I love Badger's pal Riley's description of him; reminds me of an old friend:

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Do wolves make for good coats? His girl seems to dig hers, but she may just be creepy...

From 1988, Badger #36, "Dire Wolf" Written by Mike Baron, pencils by Ron Lim, inks by Jay Geldhof. Cover by Mike Zeck!

 Badger goes to help out his friend Midge, who is trying to keep Ronson, the insane wolf-trapping descendant of an insane wolf-trapper, from running her off her ranch. Picking a fight with the local goons at a bar, Badger gets chased by the stereotypical redneck pickup, but is saved by a giant dire wolf. That doesn't mean it's friendly, though...

Ronson seems like he could be a match for Badger: he looks like Bluto in a wolf vest, with a vampire-looking girlfriend. There weren't a ton of recurring bad guys in this book, though. And there's a couple serious moments, as Midge isn't sure what to make of Norbert's Badger persona or his enthusiasm for "funny knives." This is also pretty early Ron Lim art, but he was pretty good then too!

Quick one today, so start the weekend early! Have fun.

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"Paul Bunyan Machine my ass!"

I was looking for this issue over a year ago, when we checked out the prior chapter, so let's finally check out the fabled Paul Bunyan machine, from 1989's Badger #48, "Juju Jaguar" Written by Mike Baron, pencils by Ron Lim, inks by Paul Abrams.

With the aid of the Juju Jaguar, the other assorted animals of the rain forest, and the cross-dressing Handmaidens of the Sacred Blood; Badger and Ham try to stop Gichen Rotsaruck from clear-cutting the entire Amazon. Which is a tall order, since Rotsaruck just received the Paul Bunyan Machine!

The machine does prove to be quite formidable, and between it and his martial arts skill Rotsaruck is able to fend off attacks from Badger, Ham, the head nun, and the Juju Jaguar; before falling prey to a boa constrictor. Just as silly as the previous issue, but fun. If I'm not mistaken, the somewhat more serious Badger Goes Berzerk mini-series was coming up, so Baron may have taken the opportunity to have as much fun as he could first.
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Almost nine years of Random Happenstance, yet I still could've just named this stupid blog "Where did I put that goddamn comic?" Luckily, I found this issue the other day, and while it wasn't quite the one I was looking for, at least I didn't break my rule about buying a comic just because I can't find it right now...and actually that's not so much a "rule," as it is a "suggestion." Maybe just a notion...From 1989, Badger #47, "Handmaidens of the Sacred Blood" Written by Mike Baron, pencils by Ron Lim, inks by Paul Abrams.

Harvesting rare hardwoods, corrupt corporations invade the Brazilian rain forest, closing in on the last habitat of the Juju Jaguar. The Handmaidens of the Sacred Blood, a convent founded by transsexual ex-Nazis but expanded to include ex-corporate types seeking redemption, defend the forest; but fear they may not be enough. So, they call Badger and Ham for help, who come a'running, with Badger's new wife Mavis as well. Badger's a little put out that Mavis helps herself to one of his shirts, his uniform in camo; but while Mavis loves her husband, she doesn't put up with a lot of his crap, either.

Captured while investigating the loggers, Badger and Ham face Gichen Rotsaruck, who may be borderline offensive; and piss him off with haiku. Or doggerel, at any rate. Badger challenges Rotsaruck, who reportedly was a "third degree black belt from the All-Japan Karate Club," and pummels him a bit around the head and shoulders. Rotsaruck dishonorably goes back on his word to free them, but Mavis does, also blowing up a batch of logging equipment. Rotsaruck swears bigger machines are coming, and as our heroes leave, they encounter the Juju Jaguar...

A somewhat silly issue, but a bit of fun. Ron Lim had a few issues left here, before Marvel grabbed him!
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"So much fun." "So much fun."

We haven't checked out a Badger issue in a while, so it's past time. Especially since I'm still tearing my shelves apart looking for my old copy of Hexbreaker--it's 8.5" x 11" and I was convinced I had lost it. But here's an issue from the regular series running up to it: Badger #31, "Kill or Be Killed" Written by Mike Baron, art by Bill Reinhold. The title is cleverly presented, in Badger's fortune cookie...

Badger is in a bad way, since in the previous issue, he was hit with "the delayed death touch"--think Fist of the North Star, except it takes way longer--by Ron Dorgan, disciple of Hop Ling Sung. That's important, since a Chinese healer suggests if Badger (and his pal, Riley) could fight his way to Sung, he'd be honor-bound to heal him. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done, since Sung is a master of "negative kung" with an island stronghold of soldiers, just like every good kung-fu bad guy should have. The healer further advises, perhaps if they had some force Sung was unfamiliar with, like Celtic magic...

So, Badger goes to his boss, ancient druid Ham, to get help. After hearing their story, Ham sets up a spell to infuse the pair with the spirits of warrior kings Crazed Edgar and Roderick the Insatiable: by saying the magic word, the spirits will enter them and they'll become unstoppable killing machines...and maybe get taken over by said spirits, but still. And all Ham needs to do it is two cows, a nest of yellowjackets, and a toucan.

After the spell is cast, Riley notices Ham sacrificed the cows and the yellowjackets but didn't touch the toucan, and wonders why Ham wanted it. The next day, Riley and Badger take a plane and parachute into Sung's island. For some kung-fu reason, there are no guns on the island; but when they find the cave tomb of a samurai, Badger finds some new toys:

Following a lengthy climb, Badger and Riley are attacked by Sung's men, which leads to a lengthy fight. Riley suggests using the magic word. They don't remember it.


Still, they fight until Sung's men withdraw, and make their way to Sung's palace. There, they meet Hop Lung Sung, and are a little surprised when he's a white guy. Still, Sung promises to cure Badger--which he does, after drugging their tea--but now Badger has to help them prepare for the tournament. Sung starts to explain about the tournament, but stops when he realizes it's not going to be important; since Badger (and probably Riley) are going to be killed momentarily by Ron Dorgan. Who makes a dramatic entrance despite exposing a lot of skin and wearing what appears to be a leather diaper.

I don't know if Badger's new claws have a proper name--he wears them on the cover as well--but they look like crazy fun. If you don't mind accidentally gouging the hell out of yourself, your friends, and your immediate surroundings...please excuse today's title, apparently I've been watching a lot of Regular Show lately. Oddly, fortune cookies came up there, too. Anyway, we'll have a little more Baron and Reinhold later this week!
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Man, I wish this one was in the IMDB...

Elvis Presley's birthday is Sunday, but I was going to blog on this issue before I looked that up: from Badger #65, "Kruisin' with the King" Written by Mike Baron, art by 'Spyder,' aka Neil Hansen. Such a weird issue...

A cranky Badger is pumping gas for his corvette and gets into an altercation with the attendant, that is broken up by the arrival of the King, Elvis Presley himself. Badger wants to play some songs for Elvis, who's not interested in the slightest; nor is he interested in Badger joining him. "Ah don't care if you're the Walrus, ah'm tryin' to limit my entourage." Elvis's driver, dead character actor Warren Oates convinces the King to let the Badger in on his mission: stopping the Colonel from releasing more memoirs of Elvis's life: "Ah never knew ah lived with so many people!"

In Vegas, Warren begs off, since he has to go help out the Duke, but he lets Badger know that's not the real Elvis: he was too young, for one thing. Still, Badger plays along and takes the bodyguard spot. Together, they find clues leading to "Little Dragon Imports" and Elvis statues filled with heroin. Confronting the Colonel at his warehouse, Badger and Elvis face his security, Bruce Lee.

After a bit of scuffle, the three realize they're on the same side, and go after the Colonel, who has the double crossing Oates and a certain familiar looking samurai on staff. Still, not everyone may be who they appear to be...in fact, everyone may not be who they appear to be.

I was more a fan of Baron's other First Comic, Nexus, but he usually had more leeway to go nuts in Badger. A fun issue, with a solid punchline.
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Oh, most people would do a week of vampire books in October, but I pick March. Whatever.

From Badger #44, "Blood Sucker, part two" Written by Mike Baron, pencils by Ron Lim, inks by Paul Abrams. I don't have part one, but suffice it to say, Badger, his boss the druid Ham, and pig vampire hunter Senator Bob Kasten fight vampires. Yeah, the Senator is an honest-to-goodness pig, which may be a commentary on a political figure, but also a vampire hunter, and he has a wooden leg, as part of the punchline to a terrible joke, but also because it's handy for a vampire hunter...

Anyway, I don't know if this had became the huge cliche that it eventually would, but Count Victor Velitnikoff mentions that Dracula died in 1978, and now he was king of the vampires. In a lot of vampire fiction, it became the standard for Dracula to either be a myth, misinformation perpetrated by Bram Stoker; or dead, making way for the writer's super-bad new and modern take on vampires.

In the same vein (boo!) later in the issue, Badger tries out holy water in a "battery-operated squirt Uzi," which I remember from 1989 or so; they never worked as well as you'd hope. Victor laughs it off: "I'm a new wave vampire! Do you think a priest praying over a glass of water is going to affect me!"

Victor turns out to be in Madison, Wisconsin; since he's after Badger's therapist, Daisy; since she's still a virgin. (It's not that uncommon, is it? Well, maybe...) While Badger, Ham, and the Senator hunt for Victor, he's putting the moves on Daisy, which goes pretty well until he bites her.

When Badger and Ham show up to rescue Daisy, Ham accidentally turns Daisy into a frog, and is subsequently overcome with grief; leaving Badger to fight Victor on his own. Although in Blade and Buffy we would see vampires exhibit all kinds of martial arts skills, Baron may be one of the first to have a vamp actually mention training:

As a book, Badger could be either pretty straight-faced, or a bit more broad and satirical, depending on how Baron wanted to play it. This is one of the more "funny" issues, and not every bit hits, but more hit than miss for me.
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If Santa brought presents for the good kids, and beatings for everyone else, I'd be a lot more excited for this time of year.
From Badger #70, "Klaus" Written by Mike Baron, pencils by John Calimee, inks by Bill Reinhold. Badger may not be Baron's best creation, but it was a consistently insane book for a consistently insane hero. This was the last regular monthly issue from First Comics, before they tried to change formats in 1991. (For one reason or another, it didn't work.)

Badger runs into Santa 'Klaus' in a biker bar, and the jolly old elf is anything but. Klaus considers not making his Christmas Eve run, as he has been hassled by animal rights activists, the Canadian Air Force (for repeated airspace violations), environmentalists, the Freedom from Religion Foundation (which I don't get: Santa isn't a religious figure, exactly), 'politically correct' groups, a socialist troll...

Badger talks Klaus into doing it for the kids, but then has to go with him. It goes pretty well, until Badger catches Klaus about to have sex with a possibly-underage girl. That being wrong despite all those cartoons in the December issues of Playboy, Badger has to knock him out and save Christmas himself.

An interesting and occasionally funny Christmas issue, but it does raise the question: are special interest groups ruining Christmas? Does Baby Jesus cry when you say 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas'? Look, Christmas is going to be what you make it. Maybe your neighborhood doesn't want a nativity scene that can be seen from space. Maybe your co-workers aren't enticed by your mistletoe hat and matching belt buckle. Maybe your family doesn't need four years of credit card payments for this year's presents. But, if you are with your loved ones, and let them know how much you appreciate them, maybe that's all you need. Or maybe you don't need anything: a day off and a new toy go a long way for me, to be honest.

Maybe what I'm getting at is, you can't save Christmas. At least not for everyone, since everyone doesn't want your Christmas. All you can do is 'save' your own Christmas, by trying to make yourself and your family happy; without stepping on anyone else's holiday (or lack of same) or bankrupting yourself to buy whatever big-ticket item is the must-have this year. So, while I wish you all a 'Merry Happy,' as Evan Dorkin put it; you can all do whatever you like for Christmas, and I will do the same; let's leave each other to it.

Unless you put ketchup on ham, in which case you're an abomination that must be stopped. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have stockings to stuff, so shh. Read more!