Monday, October 17, 2022

Yeesh, kinda manspreading there, Conan.

In the original Robert E. Howard Conan stories, magic is exceedingly rare, and Conan had a superstitous revulsion towards it. Probably a bit of mission-creep over the years at Marvel, since there's more than usual in today's book, but it's still a favorite: from 1984, Conan #164, "Jeweled Sword of Kem" Written by Larry Yakata, art by Gary Kwapisz.
Camping out in Zamora, Conan knows he's being stalked, but isn't in the least bit of danger; as his stalker is a boy, seemingly less than half his size. Slapped down with a boar bone (not a metaphor!) the boy introduces himself as Vedan Kamal. Conan killed his three brothers, prepare to die! Conan somehow restrains himself from outright murdering the kid, telling him anyone that goes into battle--particularly against him, is left unsaid--should know the score. Go lead a good life, or come back when you've got the skills. Vedan asks if Conan would train him; Conan can't think of any reason why he would choose to do that; but the boy claims to have a line on the magic Jeweled Sword of Kem. Which, magic or not, was jeweled, right? Vedan introduces Conan to the wizard Maheeva, who claims to be cursed, trapped in his lair and only the sword could free him. He gives the location, asking only for the sword, they could keep the jewels.
Vedan still wants Conan's training, although Conan points out with his share of the loot he could hire assassins to take him out. Still, he picks up a lot travelling with Conan: fighting wolves and snow-apes, cooking, navigating by the stars, and Cimmerian philosophy. What is it like to kill a man? "Just another chore."
Climbing to the "Tomb of the Dark Angels," Conan is nearly killed when his rope breaks, but manages to save himself. Following frozen 'dragons,' dinosaurs pointing the route; they find the sword frozen in a block of ice, along with the Dark Angels, beautiful but "frightening" women. Conan chops the sword out of the ice and let's Vedan grab it: maybe letting the murderous kid have the magic invincibility sword was a tactical error, Conan. Still, while invincible, he wasn't much of a swordsman, and Conan dodges the chop, until the Dark Angels rise up. In about the skimpiest outfits I've ever seen in a comic!
The Angels burn Vedan down, but Conan is quick enough to grab the sword, then get to the water when they try the same with him. Conan's also not dumb enough to be hypnotized in the open like that, and kills one that tries it. The other decides to tear up the world and then come back for him, but Conan gets her with a sword-toss. Dying, she says they'll be back when someone else tries for the sword, and Conan agrees: he didn't trust Maheeva either, so he torches the sword and the fallen Angels in a massive pyre. On his way out, Conan is accosted by the well-done Vedan, who begs Conan to put him out of his misery: killing was nothing to the barbarian, right? Just another chore? Yeah, Conan's not having it. One try to kill him per apprentice!

1 comment:

Mr. Morbid's House Of Fun said...

Conan's certainly got a point about killing doesn't he? At least from his unique perspective anyways.

I will say, and probably mostly because it's his book & his stories, despite seemingly being at a distinctive disadvantage against magical beings, he's more times than not able to withstand said disadvantage & triumph.

Also, how does he shave? I assume he's his own barber who cuts his own hair with his sword right?