80-Page Thursdays: Avengers Academy Giant-Size #1!

Man alive, when was the last time we had a Marvel 80-pager here? Way back in 2019! But, we've got one I hadn't seen before, with a couple characters that were getting the push at the time, and maybe a couple Marvel's still trying to break big. And, it might set up not one but two series later! From 2011, Avengers Academy Giant-Size #1, written by Paul Tobin, pencils by David Baldeón, inks by Jordi Tarragona.

Full disclosure here, and absolutely personal bias: I don't love the Avengers Academy era. It didn't feel like a great use of some established characters--hey, Hank Pym's not in anything, I guess he's a teacher now. But just from this issue, the Academy kids seem to feel like they're treated like property, forbidden from using their powers unless it's in service to the Avengers or the government. (Pretty sure you should side with the kids, but it sucks that some Avengers get made the bad guys for enforcing that, even if they were getting the screws put to them as well.) On a rare day off in NYC, Reptil, Veil, Finesse, and Striker decide to enjoy the day; even if it's only a day and they were probably being watched by Avengers even if they promised they wouldn't...The kids happen to see Firestar and Spider-Girl fly/swing by, but after they wander off from each other, Reptil and Veil worry the others might have run off, and they might get in trouble themselves if so. Their search is cut short, when while checking out a somewhat suspicious Avengers Academy poster, they get hit by flying bricks and giant robots. No points will be given for guessing the baddie: it's Arcade.

While on their way to meet up with fellow Young Allies member Toro, Spider-Girl and Firestar are lured in by a giant Spider-Girl balloon and captured as well. Arcade intended to put them all in his patented death-traps, but Reptil and Spider-Girl wake up early, so Arcade improvises a competition between them, to score points and save their friends, or at least some of them. He seems to be enjoying creating on the fly; but the whole endeavor was meant to show he still had the juice to kill super-powered heroes, even if they were just kids. (Arcade claims to have killed 'scores' of regular people, an interesting choice of terms!) While gas-girl Veil figures out her trap, Spider-Girl and Reptil run Arcade's wild goose chase: eventually, Arcade murders them all, or at least appears to: no spoiler, but O.G. junior hero Kitty Pryde pulled the same on him, back in Uncanny X-Men #197! 

Traditional as hell: of course the Avengers and the government aren't looking when the kids are kidnapped: they can only surveil to punish you, not help you. This also seems to pretty much set up the later Avengers Arena and Avengers Undercover series with Arcade; but Reptil was the only hero from this issue to appear in those. I don't know if I've seen Reptil lately; which would kind of be standard for a younger hero like that after his book went away; except he was also in the Super-Hero Squad cartoon and comic! I wonder how many years we are away from a childhood fan of his bringing him back. (He did appear in a King in Black issue fairly recently.) 

Firestar...man, Firestar's been around since what, 1981? And Marvel still seems to be at a loss over what to do with her, at least consistently: her most recent appearances were the last West Coast Avengers, where I think she had PTSD and alcoholism, developed after her stint as a double agent against Orchis during the Krakoa era. Which may or may not be an improvement from having to sit at the kid's table? I'm not saying all of Firestar's stories should be sweetness and light, but that feels a bit much.

I had to look up the others: Veil had to give up her powers before they killed her, but Finesse seems to have settled into B-list bad guy for hire work. Her powers seemed like Taskmaster's, but part of her larger plot was that the Academy deemed her among the most likely to become a villain, so she just did. At least a bit; she maybe just didn't want to anything to do with Avengers after that, which, fair. Striker's maybe still out there, but not used for much except maybe crowd filler. The Young Allies Toro was a largish bull-guy, not the old Human Torch's sidekick, but while I thought he would've been phased out when the Liefeld-era girl Bucky was removed, he stuck around at least a little. He might be one of several refugees from alternate earths on 616, but the original Toro came back as an Inhuman, so we might not see YA Toro again.  

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"Case."

So I was going to try to be a bit more selective in my figure purchases, and maybe try to avoid buying some characters I already have maybe more than one of. And then I buy this new Spider-Man 2099, because he is a bit of improvement on the old one: perhaps taking a cue from the Spider-Verse movies, Miguel is a bit beefier than Peter. He probably has a more forceful voice than Peter usually would, too.

I mostly just wanted to establish some of the regulars were out, but I am curious about Howard and Death's Head's case; we'll see if I ever make it back to that.

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I still haven't watched his series, but honestly, Marvel/Disney is missing the boat by not getting "Secret Hospital" on there. From 1986, Wonder Man #1, written by David Michelinie, pencils by Kerry Gammill, inks by Vince Colletta. Cover by Bill Sienkiewicz!

Was this the first mention of the in-universe soap opera "Secret Hospital"? Michelinie would use it again years later, as Mary Jane Watson-Parker would get a role there in Amazing Spider-Man; but here Simon Williams flubs an audition for it, by not turning off his glowing ionic eyes. (Which I'm not sure he could do before!) Sulking over it, we get a recap of his origin, and this was post-Avengers #211, where Simon left the team to go Hollywood with Hercules, but rather unsurprisingly none of Herc's contacts had worked out for him. Headed back to Avengers Mansion for a workout, he gets a tip from another hero who never felt he was far from the unemployment lines either: Scott Lang, Ant-Man! He gives Simon a card for Cordco, a scientific research company set up by Tony Stark, before he lost his company to Obidiah Stane. (Ah, continuity! Like a warm hug when it does a good job.)

Cordco turns out to be weird science central, and after Simon goes through on the tour; a scientist desperate for a breakthrough blows open a dimensional portal and unleashes a horde of angry little gnomes. His prospective employers are somewhat blase about sending Wonder Man into the thick of it, but hey, he's invulnerable! He doesn't even have to breathe, which is kind of news to Simon: it feels like it took him a long, long time to get his head around his powers. While he does manage to save the day, he later loses the job when during another emergency, he gets called in by the Avengers to stop the Sandman from causing a nuclear meltdown. The Sandman's not usually like that (although, the splash page notes this was before Marvel Two-in-One #86!) but had been told he was dying of cancer. Simon is able to stop him, and whatever they did in the reactor room cures Sandman, but Simon's annoyed that they may have found a cure for cancer and lost it. Still, all of this maybe helps Simon get himself back on track. 

 This is also noted as being before West Coast Avengers #1--wait, the GCD even notes, this came out in '86 but is set before "Marvel Two-In-One #86 (April 1982) and West Coast Avengers #1 (September 1984)." It reads all the way like Michelinie is giving Simon his own supporting cast, for solo adventures, then nopes it away in the end.

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I will never quit this stupid blog, because I enjoy it too much when we find a comic, referencing back to a post from over ten years ago! From 1990, Uncle $crooge Adventures #20, reprinting 1960's Walt Disney's Uncle Scrooge #28, "The 'Paul Bunyan' Machine" Story and art by Carl Barks.

While Uncle Scrooge was getting on in years, he was usually pretty spry; but today he's struck by a bout of the rheumatism. Not from the weather, as Donald suggests, but from burglars: Scrooge's doctor had described it as "radar nerves," but over years of crooks trying to get his Fruity Pebbles steal his money bin, he almost had Spider-sense for protecting his cash, and it was going off something fierce. And it should, as the Beagle Boys were at it again, building a 'Paul Bunyan' machine; a massive, ax-swinging beast of heavy machinery. Scrooge fears there weren't enough cops in Duckburg, or maybe the state, to stop that thing.

Now, the money bin contained about "ten umptillion, uncountabijillion dollars" but a lot of that appeared to be in coin. (There's still a penny shortage, Scrooge!) So, he was having a hard time even moving it; and the local banks were already stuffed to the gills with his cash and couldn't fit any more in. (Is that why Scrooge has the money bin? He has so much cash in holdings, he can't get a bank to take the risk of holding it all.) Worse, from down the street, the Beagle Boys were x-raying the money bin every couple hours to make sure the level didn't go down. Scrooge cleverly counters both problems: mailing box after box of cash to...ugh...Idaho, while filling the money bin with washers to fool the x-ray. (Aside: I'm often hard on my home state Montana as being less than progressive, but Idaho bluntly sucks. It's like it's racing to become the next Missouri, and it feels like anybody good with the means of getting outta there is.) With Donald and the nephews there to receive the packages, Scrooge arrives later, and they begin hiding the cash, in trees. OK, that last one isn't maybe the best idea I've ever heard, but Scrooge was enjoying the outdoor time.

Back in Duckburg, the Beagle Boys had realized Scrooge was gone, but see a newspaper article about the government building a dam (no points for guessing where!) and would pay well for logging the trees out of their way. Seems like a job for a machine, maybe even one named after a mythical logger? It's (relatively) honest work, but the Beagles might give it a shot. Scrooge had been gone for some time, and had been out of touch: either his staff in Duckburg had sold the land without being able to tell him, or the government eminent-domained him, so he no longer owned the land, and now had to scramble to get his cash back out of the trees before the Paul Bunyan machine got there...The whole affair seems like it should be a loss for Scrooge: a lot of mailing, buying timberland, a lot of cement, there's a line item here for 12,000 monkey wrenches; but he probably comes out ahead.

All in all, super-fun, and a pretty iconic one: The Paul Bunyan machine is referenced, in Badger #48, where the bad guy brings one in to A. deforest the Amazon, and B. turn endangered animals and trees into high-end consumer goods, and C. beat Badger's ass. As you'd expect, Badger is more than a little indignant: "...you couldn't beat me yourself so you invented a 45-ton machine to do it?" "Oh, I didn't invent it, I leased it." I always thought it was a Gyro Gearloose number, though! The Beagle Boys had some skills. 

Also, we've mentioned Uncle Scrooge is having a bit of a comeback at the comic shop, but his new comics are probably between $4.99 to $7.99: this issue was $1.95, but I paid a buck: usually Scrooge would approve, but I guess the original was a thin dime, so maybe not. Still, this reprint also comes with "On a Silver Platter," a fun bit of hijinks with Magica de Spell; "The Custom of the Country," in which a business deal comes with strings attached, namely a finicky goat; and "Family Fortune," where Scrooge tries to cash in on a promotional land giveaway from a cereal box. Now what would you pay!

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Looks like Kurt is more careful than Spidey with his comics, but I feel like he puts them back in the bags upside down.

I don't know if they've done as many lately, but I feel like I bought a bunch of variant covers at the start of this series. I usually don't, but c'mon. From 2024, Uncanny X-Men #3 (LEG #703) "Red Wave, part 3: the Inside Man" Written by Gail Simone, art by David Marquez. Variant cover by Mahmud Asrar.

This was early in Simone's run, and we get to know the new mutant kids a bit: there's also a mention of the prophecy, that one of them could be the last mutant; I'm not sure that's come up recently. The kids all have horribly sad stories, which is why Rogue is gung-ho to not only protect them, but give them a home. She gets Nightcrawler, for a bit of outdoors Danger Room tag with them; and Kurt gets surprised by the 'manga kid,' as Logan calls him: Deathdream. Still, charitable as always, Kurt feels like the kids have good hearts...even the ones literally without them!

Rogue's disappointed Logan doesn't stick around to learn the kids' names--he probably knows, he just acts like he doesn't--but he has to take off, I think for his own new book, as seen on the cover here! But, he's not done, as later here he throws down with new villain, Sarah Gaunt. She's stalking the kids, and we don't know much about her yet, except that she has some kind of history with Charles Xavier.

Uncanny is one of like three Marvel titles I'm reading now, and this run has been pretty good...but has it been everything I want in an X-book? Of course it hasn't met my completely arbitrary and unfair expectations. A recent issue finds the kids living out a What If--?! style scenario, with them as the first class of New Mutants; but I wonder if these kids will have any staying power. Who was the last mutant kid to catch on any...Glob Herman? Yeesh. (That and I don't like Kurt's girlfriend in this series; feels like we've been told how great she is, but we haven't really seen it?)

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I was blogging this on the strength of the cover; I wasn't expecting bangers here!

It's a Patrick Olliffe cover, for Amazing Spider-Man Family #3: the guy did Untold Tales of Spider-Man and still has it! But, it's covering a solid package of tales, some of which maybe even weren't reprints?

J.M. DeMatteis and Val Semeiks come out swinging (boo!) with "The Punch." Set very early after Peter first became Spider-Man, he fantasizes about giving Flash Thompson the what-for; until he accidentally wrecks a guy knocking over a convenience store. (Or 'bodega,' I guess; I've never been to NYC!) It looks like a Sal Buscema punch, which is great for hitting the Scorpion or the Rhino, but does a number on a regular person. As you can guess, Peter's pretty distraught after that one, especially when he tries to visit the guy in the hospital and just scares him more! Still, Aunt May puts him back on the right track, with Uncle Ben's video collection--no, not like that! It's a bunch of action movies, but Peter remembers what Ben told him about heroism; and later puts his spider-strength to better use, saving bystanders from a falling crane, including the attempted robber, who is also inspired to turn it around. And, it ends with a conversation between Peter and Flash, that maybe makes their later friendship make more sense.

Next, a couple alternate reality stories: a "Mr. and Mrs. Spider-Man" tale, with the titular couple taking May to the emergency room...and recognizing the Rhino, plainclothes, bringing in his nanna! ("Common Ground," written by Tom DeFalco, art by Todd Nauck.) And, a bit of silliness, with "the Amazing Spider-Ma'am," an Aunt May that knew her nephew's secret, but played along. (Written by Abby Denson, art by Colleen Coover.) Then, one I think from the Marvel Adventures line, "Bridge and Tunnel" A snowy evening on the subway is made a mess when Spidey tries to catch a nickel-and-dime crook with a remarkable propensity for fleeing, and usually fleeing directly into the path of danger. The kind of guy that would run away from Spidey, directly into oncoming traffic. (Written by Stuart Moore, pencils by Val Semeiks, inks by Mark Irwin.)

But, I was most impressed with the last reprint: all of "Best of Enemies" from Spectacular Spider-Man #200! (Written by J.M. DeMatteis, art by Sal Buscema.) This would be the final battle between Spidey and the Harry Osborn Green Goblin, and it's a classic...that gets stepped on later for Brand New Day to bring Harry back like nothing happened. I'm behind on my current continuity, I think Harry's died again since maybe. Read more!

"Patrol."

I think a lot of places sell 1/12 Fed Ex boxes, but I'm not sure they come out much better than printing them yourself! 

Also, I'm not sure I've seen Forge post-Krakoa? I suppose like Kurt, I hope putting something like that together would be fun for him, not a hassle: "...build you web-shooters? How the hell would I even begin to do tha--unless...yes. Yes. They'll be ready Tuesday." And, do you recognize Kurt's web-shooters? I had multiples of those!

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I've been reading Howard Chaykin all week; I see innuendo everywhere, but this seems a little blatent.

Also, I'm trying to decide if I trust the internet to tell me if tarantulas are poisonous or not, since it didn't immediately get pedantic about 'poisonous' vs. 'venomous.' From 1983, Jonah Hex #72, "Tarantula!" Written by Michael Fleisher, pencils by Dick Ayers, inks by Tony DeZuniga.

Double-crosses and treecks--er, tricks--galore this month, as bandit chief El Papagayo (and his parrot!) have taken Emmylou hostage, to force Jonah Hex to steal a priceless necklace on loan from the Spanish government. This has seemingly failed, as Jonah, disguised as El Papagayo, managed to steal the necklace but gets gunned down before escaping. The body is laid almost in state for a day, for the locals to gawk at, including two who report back to El Papagayo. While Emmy takes it pretty hard, El Papagayo sees opportunity: the federales would certainly let down their guard, thinking he was dead, so he should be able to steal the necklace on its way home easily.

But, later the two snitches get the bright idea to dig up Jonah's corpse, and help themselves to his guns; only to find the coffin full of rocks! Jonah swings out of a tree to knock those guys out: he had set up this plan with the Mexican government to bring in Papagayo and save Emmy, but yet another snitch tattles; so later Papagayo is prepared, with Emmy wrapped up like a burrito to hold over Jonah's head. He clonks the commander over the head, to give Papagayo the necklace; for his trouble he and Emmy are both thrown into a dry well and a basket of tarantulas dumped on them! Jonah talks Emmy through cutting her ropes on his spurs: tarantula bites "hurt like the dickens!" but only bite in self-defense, so if they don't wiggle around too much, they'll be fine. Emmy does well, although she does faint after freeing Jonah, and he has to climb out of the well with her over his shoulder.

In the last two pages, Jonah sneaks into Papagayo's camp at night, pistol-whips him, and lugs him back to jail. Where he somehow still had his parrot? I wouldn't put it past Jonah to have pistol-whipped it, too. Read more!

This will be new to me, sort of.

Despite having it playing in the background on streaming, or reruns from antenna TV, or both; I still bought Star Trek: the Original Series on DVD a couple months back. I should've sprung for the Blu-Rays, so I could get the orignal cuts, before digital effects were added. Granted, pick the right episode, and you'll see like 90% of the original Enterprise shots, but still. Similarly, next year's the 50th anniversary of the original Star Wars, and fans would love to be able to get a proper release of the non-Special Edition versions. (Or, you can see if this link still works!) I mention that, because I'm used to the special edition of this one; I'm not sure I've ever read it in the original format! From 1983, American Flagg! #1, "Hard Times, part one" Story and art by Howard Chaykin, letters by Ken Bruzenak, colors by Lynn Varley.

I've mentioned before, I've read this a million times, in the Hard Times graphic novel, collecting the first three issues of the series. The collection also features a bit more preamble, set as a news documentary playing while Reuben's flight was coming into Chicago. So, it was interesting to see this as an actual comic book, on surprisingly old-school paper; because back in the day, this was like a hand grenade shoved up a bull's ass on his way into the china shop. Longtime comics readers might remember a DC Comics house ad, hyping up their four spots on Amazing Heroes top ten books of 1984: DC had four spots, but upstart First Comics had #2 and #3, Mike Grell's Jon Sable, and American Flagg! Both were hits, from seasoned creators given more free rein than they would've got at Marvel or DC at the time (maybe ever) and both series had pretty solid runs until their creators got tired or bored and maybe didn't do all the work themselves anymore...but, we're getting ahead of ourselves.

American Flagg!--and Chaykin as well, I suppose--are largely known for being stylish, and smutty; possibly in equal measure. Which might not be entirely accurate, but this is a remarkably well lived-in vision of dystopia right out of the gate. Set in 2031, an idealistic, and fired, young actor named Reuben Flagg is shipped from Mars back to earth, for a term of duty in the Plexus Rangers. Flagg admits, his show Mark Thrust, Sexus Ranger was still on, but he had been cancelled; replaced by digital scanning technology called 'Tromplography,' one of multiple clever brand names Chaykin salts the book with. He's pressed into service right away, as it was time for the traditional Saturday night gang rampage; just like every week, after Bob Violence was over. (No points for seeing TV as the opiate of the masses, although he also sees actual drugs as said opiate, but even Chaykin couldn't predict streaming; all these programs were broadcast and apparently largely watched as they aired!)

Despite a, ahem, warm welcome from the local madame; Reuben soon finds out his boss Krieger is an asshole, and Chicago was packed full of armed gangs that wiled away the days by shooting at each other: the Plex not only supplied them with weapons, but taped their battles, for broadcast elsewhere. What the Plex actually is isn't clear at this point; it's like your local broadcaster also ran the cops, but it quickly becomes apparent that Reuben's job was going to be equal parts drudgery and ultraviolence; until next Saturday, when he happens to pass a TV with Bob Violence, and realizes the show was packed with subliminal, triggering messages. Krieger can't see them, and tells him to drop it; but talking cat Raul confides to Reuben, he sees them too. (Why Raul can talk isn't explained right away, except with Reuben just acknowledging it with "Talking cat. Right." I'm not positive it's ever explained, or that it needs to be.) Reuben, already fed up with how things were, throws down with a gang member he had previously bribed to "shoot high," knocking him out with a pair of electric 'buzz-knucks.'

When Krieger refuses to have Bob Violence pre-empted, his daughter Mandy helps Reuben, with a hasty-created signal jammer. (So far, it's unclear if Mandy likes Reuben, or just hates her dad; could be both!) Furious, Krieger gets strapped, figuring the gangs would go extra-nutso, without their favorite show...to be continued! I didn't really read American Flagg! in it's heyday, since it wasn't sold in newsstands--or grocery or convenience stores, where I would've been getting comics at the time! Also, maybe they wouldn't have sold it to a twelve-year old, although suggestive, this wasn't as far as Chaykin would go later. (Two words: Black Kiss.) But after Hard Times, the next issue of the series I read was randomly picking up AF! #33, which didn't feature Chaykin at all! Much later, I know I did get a few issues of the revival Howard Chaykin's American Flagg! but just recently I grabbed about half the first series from the dollar bins. Which might get us about to where Chaykin starts to leave the book, we'll see how they go! Read more!

This issue, Batman vs. Foulmouth.

If I find a $7.99 book in the dollar bin, I kinda have to buy it, right? And I bought a few of this series! Did I buy enough to read a whole serial...well, that remains to be seen. From 2023, Batman: the Brave and the Bold #1. Cover by Simone Di Meo.

When is a team-up book not a team-up book? When it's an anthology title like this one, I guess. The opener was...sigh...yet another Batman "Year One" story, with Batman seemingly reeeeeeally considering letting a rather potty-mouthed wife-murderer get run over by a train; while a lost little girl is kept company in the rain...by the Joker. The Joker doesn't get word balloons in this one, but instead his speech is conveyed through silent movie-style dialogue cards. Which, kind of feels pretentious? And eats up like a splash page and 18 separate panels? I'm a little down on writer Tom King of late, so I might be too hard on him; but the Mitch Gerads art and in particular the Clayton Cowles lettering are on point; and it is a suitably gloomy start. (I don't know which designed the intertitles, though.) I also wonder, is there a database somewhere of "Year One" stories? Every year feels like twelve lately, maybe seeing that would put things in perspective. Or not. (Per the GCD, this is a retelling of the first Joker story, from Batman #1.) 

 Next, is it still a Stormwatch if they only have like two Stormwatch guys? Also, it's mentioned they would be less focused on extraterrestrial threats and more so on domestic ones; which differentiates them from the Suicide Squad how? I'm not sure anybody wants to be there. I guess they're in a satellite rather than a prison...New director Mr. Bones takes over, although holdovers Winter and Flint are still there, as the team's "Weatherman" and field leader, respectively. Most of the rest of the team appeared to be either disposable like Peacekeeper-01 (not the guy with the helmet!) or Phantom-1, or long-time characters that didn't seem to have a home now, like Ravager and Shado. The team is deployed to recover an evil scientist, which it does, barely, after a time-acceleration field nearly destroys Iron Heights. And Mr. Bones gets a call from his bosses, who threaten to terminate all of them if they don't work out...("Down with the Kings, part 1" Written by Ed Brisson, art by Jeff Spokes.)

Then, I was surprised to find a Superman story! A full Superman story, for that matter; I remember when Action Comics Weekly used to have the 2-page strips. I don't remember if super-memory is still a power, though? I feel like sometimes, maybe in later stories, but Clark doesn't maybe have super-recall over his entire life: he can't recollect the name of a childhood sweetheart from camp, but later receives a decoder ring like he had as a kid, with a note: "Save me!" Also, this was tied to then-current continuity, with Lois as acting chief of the Daily Planet; she admits to Clark that readership numbers were dire. ("Order of the Black Lamp, part 1" Written by Christopher Cantwell, art by Javier Rodriguez.)

Finally, and almost worth the full price of admission: Dan Mora does a little one-off, that is very much Batman Kamen Rider. Nothing wrong with that! ("Heroes of Tomorrow" Story and art by Dan Mora.)

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