I remember a house ad for this, wonder if it's in the issue?

This was a 68-pager, and while I don't think it was the first in this format, it was part of multiple revamps for the title. From 1979, Adventure Comics #463, cover by José Luis García-López.

The opener, "Urtumi the Image Eater" is an oddball one for the Flash, as returning from Earth-2 he's attacked by a bizarre creature, which had been released when archeologists removed a Native American tablet. (Story by Cary Bates, pencils by Don Heck, inks by Joe Giella.) "Mind over Murder!" is a bit more substantial, as Deadman tries to use a somewhat-unhinged scientist's invention, to create a new body for himself. It doesn't work, and Boston continues to get irritated by Rama Kushna, who tells him that would never have worked, and he should be grateful for what he has, because he might have it for eternity...I think Rama was trying to be encouraging, not threatening, but Boston doesn't really see it that way. (Written by Len Wein, pencils by José Luis García-López, inks by Frank Chiaramonte.)

"The Night of the Soul Thief" opens with the Justice Society on the trail of Batman's true killer, and both Dick Grayson and Helena Wayne are unmasked, as their secret identities had been exposed in the wake of Batman's death. The team fights assorted elementals, before being taken before one Fredric Vaux, a sorcerer plotting to end the current age of heroes, so the ongoing conflict of Order vs. Chaos could get back on track, with Chaos victorious and him ruling earth in its name. Vaux had wanted to erase even the memory of the heroes, but too many people in Gotham City remember Batman for that to go away easily. Helena is furious that her father died for nothing, a pawn in a larger game; but on losing Vaux is discarded by Chaos and seemingly done. Doctor Fate then uses what was left of his spell, to convince Earth-2 that Batman and Bruce Wayne had both died, but had been separate men, saving Robin and Huntress's identities. (Written by Paul Levitz, pencils by Joe Staton, inks by Dave Hunt.)

"Climax" is an Aquaman story, and I may need to take a moment to see if he (or Flash or Wonder Woman, for that matter) had his own title at the time: I feel like I've read several Aquaman stories in Adventure. This month, it's Aquaman vs. Aqualad, Mera, Vulko, most of Atlantis, and capitalism! Universal Food Products had entered into a manufacturing partnership with Atlantis, which everyone thought would be good for everyone; except for Aquaman, who had discovered UFP's generators were heating the sea to unlivable levels, while their fertilizers were going to deplete Atlantis's farmland. Or farm-waters; I'm not sure how it works. Arthur wasn't currently the king, and everyone seems to think he's just being stubborn; but come on: the UFP guys had a boat commander in a very Nazi-style uniform, with a friggin' monocle. Pretty sure they're the bad guys, man. Aquaman exposes them, but admits to his friends he didn't blame them, since he didn't have any proof backing him up. Feels like a trust exercise they failed, though. Also, is it my imagination, or despite having less rep Aqualad threw down with his mentor more often than Robin or Speedy did with theirs? Yeah, Robin would've been a good soldier at the time; but I guess Speedy and Ollie probably rough-housed all the time. ("Put down the needle, Roy!" "Make me!" "Put down the chili, Ollie!" "Make me!") (Written by Paul Kupperberg, pencils by Don Heck, inks by Joe Giella.)

Bees. My god. It's Wonder Woman vs. "The Insanity Swarm!" Intelligent bees attack the Houston space center, leaving those stung as mindless and comatose. It's old JLA baddie the Queen Bee, who, when wrapped up in Diana's magic lasso, explains she had taken their minds, but even the lasso couldn't force her to give them back: she had set the self-destruct to prevent even her doing so. But, if Wonder Woman became her slave, then maybe...(Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Joe Staton, inks by Frank McLaughlin.) 

 This was around DC Implosion time, wasn't it? But, there is a US Postal Service Statement of Ownership this issue: total paid circulation, single issue nearest to filing date, 91,693. As usual, those would be blockbuster numbers today, but I don't think were amazing for the time, maybe even for a bimonthly book. Still, this didn't have a copy of the house ad promoting it; not because it would've been redundant, but this book was no ads at the time! I'll add said ad the next time I stumble across it.

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Might've bought this one more than once, but Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez on Bat Lash! C'mon.

I'm momentarily at a loss to describe the opening story: not really a crossover, and yet...from 2012, All-Star Western #10, "The War of Lords and Owls, part 1" Written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti, art by Moritat.

Tallulah Black has just gotten thrown out of the Wayne Casino--out of a second story window. She came in the middle of a conversation between Lucius Bennett and Alan Wayne, an ancestor of Bruce Wayne's, which was thick with veiled threats. Jonah Hex has to withdraw with Tallulah, taking her for medical treatment to his associate, Dr. Amadeus Arkham. (This series, post-New 52, was tied to Batman lore; and would stay there for a stretch, largely to establish that the rot in Gotham had been festering for some time.) The Court of Owls also makes an appearance, and they think Jonah will help them achieve their own goals.

At Arkham's, Tallulah wakes up grouchy, with Dr. Arkham finds both intimidating and interesting. She immediately takes Jonah to bed. Later that night, Arkham tries to get answers from a deranged man, who claims the owls were after him since in his job as a chimney sweep, he had seen where they meet. Arkham assumed him to be insane, but the man and a guard are murdered almost impossibly quickly; and after finding a feather Arkham decides he'd best talk to Jonah...

But, also this issue: Bat Lash, in "Unholy Matrimony" Written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti, art by Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez! Bat is on the verge of being forced to the altar with a very pregnant young woman--one of twins. Despite protestations from the twins and their father, Bat knows the girls weren't completely identical: one had gotten knocked-up by a livery worker before his accidental death, and they had thought if they roped Bat in he'd have all the money they'd ever need. It's a fun story, that looks great; and despite being the start of a storyline I wasn't real invested in, the rest of the issue was pretty good too. Read more!

Today, Rick Jones misses his shot at grunge a decade early.

Black hole sun, won't you come--oh, it might be here already. From 1984, ROM #60, "The Eyes of a Child!" Written by Bill Mantlo, pencils by Steve Ditko, inks by Tom Palmer.

Rick Jones is having a nightmare, that he thinks is about Wraithworld, but he gets the "it was earth all along" twist when he sees the fallen Statue of Liberty. But, then we get Rom flying through unseasonably cold weather: it's one of comics' best "red skies" crossovers, the opening of the Casket of Ancient Winters! The editorial caption box credits it to Thor #349, but I think it was actually #348. Massive snowfall across the planet, and across multiple titles, like the Avengers books, and perhaps most famously, Amazing Spider-Man #258. While Rom has a talk with Brandy Clark, who was currently the spaceknight Starshine and getting progressively angrier and more violent; we check in on a train stopped by the snows, just in time to see everyone on board murdered by the Dire Wraiths. The Wraith Sisterhood, the magic-using ones, seem somewhat divided: sure, they can kill a bunch of people, but so what? What was their goal? Conveniently, one explains it: to recreate Wraithworld on earth!

The army, with Rick, Rom, and Brandy in tow; discover the train and the slaughter two days later. Rom is even at a loss to explain the Wraiths' cruelty, while Rick is trying to hold it together, since the cancer he picked up trying to turn himself into a Hulk was progressing. Rick does find a survivor: a little girl, who was beyond traumatized. But, Starshine points out, she has the tell-tale wound on her head of a Wraith tongue-sucker, and must die! Rick has to throw himself in front of a blast; and Rom's analyzer reveals the child to be human. The girl, Cindy--I don't think we get her name this issue!--tells how the Wraiths killed her parents, but her mom had survived long enough to slice the Wraith's tongue. Instead of getting her brain sucked out, now she knew everything that Wraith had known...including their Wraithworld plans! She would be a recurring character for a good chunk of the rest of the run. Read more!

"Events."

The Age of Apocalypse Forge appeared in X-Man, and died there: Jean encountered Nate Grey later and would've picked that up since he had been a father-figure to him. 

We might have to check out Immortal X-Men #7 one of these days; since it features Nightcrawler abusing the hell out of the Krakoan-reincarnation system. Think playing a video game and just plunking in quarter after quarter every time you die...with two rolls of quarters and a lot of determination.

I also think I might have backpedaled on an earlier notion, that someone would need to find another person from the Age of Apocalypse to scan for a return trip there; but Kurt indicates after going back and forth Zero would probably be able to do it again. 

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He's exploited by management, but tortures animals...yeah, definitely has this coming.

I do enjoy finding an oddball like this in the cheap bins: from 1975, Weird Mystery Tales #22, featuring "A Death at the Races" Written by Michael Fleisher and Russell Carley, art by Franc Reyes.

In 1923, dog racing is the new thing, but trainer Leonard Snively doesn't think his "artistry" is appreciated: to get the dogs used to chasing the mechanical rabbit at the track, he lets them chase down live bunnies in a fenced-in meadow. Feeling underappreciated, Leonard supplements his income with some skimming, but accidentally kills his boss when he gets found out. Legging it from the cops, he finds a small town he hadn't realized was there, and the locals take him in. Leonard explains his job, the sport of dog racing, and how he trained the dogs. But the next day, no one is around, and the streets are deserted. Deserted, except for the monsters!

The monsters chase Leonard, who eventually hits a dead end, but is saved by a gate dropping...and then cheering? Leonard had been the 'rabbit' in a monster race, since he had given the locals the idea how it could be done! And, the best part was, they could keep using Leonard in the races! One gambler asks, wait, what if Leonard tripped or something? Well, guess we'd have to get a new bunny then. Sure enough...

After a Sergio Aragones joke page, next was "A Reckoning in Eden," written by Mal Warwick, art by Bill Draut. Colonists flee a polluted earth, putting themselves into suspended animation for a long trip to a new 'Eden,' only to find a civilization there when they arrive. While some want to take the world by force, their commander explains they hadn't even brought weapons, in the hopes of not repeating the mistakes of earth; but they fall into a common sci-fi trap: earth had invented faster-than-light travel after they left, and had been on Eden for like 3000 years! It was a bit, uh, lived-in.

"Meet My Murderer" is a bit more stylish number; feeling a bit upscale for this book! Ace photographer Tina Van Avery has one goal in life: to get a photograph of a ghost, "if it's the last thing I do!" It's not giving anything away to say she does succeed, but with a bitter twist. Nice art, though: written by Robert Kanigher, art by Tenny Henson. 

Darn, checking the GCD for this one, I saw the cover for #19 first, and that looked more interesting! Weird Mystery Tales only ran 24 issues, but DC had a ton of horror books at the time; one more or less probably didn't make much difference.

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I would love to see an episode where the bad guy was like "The Lone Ranger? AND Tonto?...alright, pack it up. We'll try this two states over."

There's a Lone Ranger movie on TV, and Mr. Morbid asked, so we've got a second before I give this to my dad: from 1976, the Lone Ranger #27, featuring "The Election" and "The Protectors" Written by Paul S. Newman, art by José Delbo.

In the first story, a crooked politician tries to fix Colorado's election, against honest lawyer Len Wylie--nah, the first (and seventh!) governor of Colorado was John Long Routt! Admittedly, that feels like it would've been a pain in the ass to look up in 1976, so we'll move along. The crook had been spying, stealing Wylie's schedule, so he could get there first and rent everything ahead of him. The Lone Ranger, Tonto, and Wylie stage a sting operation: some goons get the schedule, but then catch Tonto watching them. The crook falls for a fake meeting, and the Lone Ranger arrives in time after Tonto misses a meeting. Annoyingly, the Ranger doesn't arrest the crook, saying he'd get his punishment on Election Day, which hopefully didn't backfire on him: "...he's in jail, we've got photographic evidence of his crimes, the Lone Ranger AND Tonto testified against him, and he's still 40 points up in the polls?"

"The Protectors" has the pretty traditional protection/extortion racket, which is on the verge of going under after the Ranger and Tonto stop several of his schemes, and the people have turned against him. So, the extortionist makes a big push: some of his men rob a supply wagon, while others hit the bank. The next day, since the bank owner had been a 'customer' of his, the extortionist makes a big show of reimbursing the bank, out of his own pocket, which of course he does with the bank's own cash. Except, the Lone Ranger had covered the bills with green dye, which was all over the bad guys' hands.

Also this issue: the Incredible Hulk, in a Hostess Cup Cakes ad! Which were from years ago, but still feel too modern to appear in a Lone Ranger comic? Anyway, just looked up, and caught a Lone Ranger fist-fight that also involves them punching each other down a hill. Which just makes me think stuntmen were cheap as heck back then...Also, the Lone Ranger and Tonto just did that thing Batman always does, where somebody's still talking and they're long-gone. Rude. Read more!

I wasn't expecting this, and I tossed the comic away from me like it was a snake.

Come for the Conan, but I'm not sure about the rest. From 2016, Dark Horse Presents #21, featuring "The Swamp King" Story and pencils by Aaron Lopresti, inks by Matt Banning.

This was maybe Dark Horse's third incarnation of this title? The original had run 162 issues from 1986 to 2000, then I read the three years of oversized issues from 2011 to 2014, and this series began 2014 as well. This particular issue was 52 pages, but I don't know if they always were: I bought this from the dollar bin because of the Conan cover, and we get a short where he opts to help a young woman rescue her sister from "the Swamp King," who is a bit more monstery than usual; he kinda looks like Hellboy should be clobbering him. Conan gets betrayed, but he'd gone into that one expecting it and was ready.

The rest of the issue was assorted serials, most of them midway through their stories, but one was starting here: "The Suit: Hostile Takeover" by Dennis Calero. Which opens with the titular Suit interrupting, on horseback, the opening of--the Trump Plaza!? Motherpusbucket--I don't know the character of the Suit, but was the story a period piece? The 'Trump Taj Mahal' opened in 1990 and was closed as such October 10, 2016. Caldero also seems to realize Trump was shifty, he's not portrayed in a flattering light; although I'm not sure he looked even that good back then. Still, I was absolutely not prepared to see him there.

Sorry to close the week on a down note, but in better news, it's my birthday and I'm on vacation! And as usual, the blog will continue to trundle along while I'm out. 

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"Is Superman too woke?" is a ridiculously stupid question that unfortunately dominated certain unsavory aspects of our news media when the new movie came out; but supposedly there was a similar right-wing push in the wake of Thunderbolts*, trying to hype up or redeem USAgent, an alternative to the liberal namby-pamby Captain America. Supposedly, I say: I heard that, but I'm not seeing it in three seconds of searching, and that's about as long as I care to look for right-wing crap. (BTW, Thunderbolts* was pretty good, but I don't think it did very well between backlash against the MCU and that everyone was waiting for the FF.) Of course, all of this is build-up for a book with USAgent next to me, that I hadn't read before, and I bet you haven't either! From 1993, Super Soldiers #3, "Old Acquaintance" Written by Lee Stevens and Michael W. Bennent, pencils by Andrew Currie, inks by Robin Riggs.

This is still another Marvel UK book, and it's weird as heck to see USAgent guest-star rather than Death's Head II: the latter was probably triple-booked, I suppose. Most of this issue is USAgent kicking the tar out of the series lead Hauer, but you pick it up pretty quickly: Hauer had been part of Britain's own Super-Soldier program, but he and his teammates had been betrayed by one of their own, Childs. (We see Childs briefly later in the issue, and I had thought he was another Marvel UK star, Killpower: he's extra buff, above the usual superhero physique.) Rescued from a cryotube by reporter Sarah Wilde, Hauer had been trying to find his lost teammates, and had just found the MIA Dalton in Vietnam, where he had been lost on mission. Dalton had, over time, shaken off the brainwashing he had been put through to keep him obedient, and decided to stay; embracing Buddhism and martial arts to contain the rage swings the Soldiers called "red moods." Dalton also claims to have been experimenting with astral projection; which was probably a seed planted for later issues, but it would be funnier if he was just dissociating really hard...

About then the USAgent arrives, having been ordered to bring in Hauer, and not having any love for the "commies" in Vietnam. Although Hauer offers to talk about it, that doesn't fly with John, and the fight is on. Over the course of the dustup, USAgent starts to maybe realize Hauer was on the level, and he had probably been lied to by Henry Peter Gyrich, but whatever: he'll just beat Hauer down, and sort it out later. This was also during the stretch where John was still talking to his dead parents; which, oddly, Childs knows: he mentions it while badmouthing USAgent to his boss. Although Hauer gets some good hits in--including piercing USAgent's shield with his adamantium knife--John was both stronger, and craftier, catching Hauer with a shield ricochet throw to the back of the skull. But, then USAgent has to fight back his urge to kill, which he does long enough for Childs and his "Squaddies" to show up and immediately go off-mission, murdering any local in their path.

Pretty traditional Marvel-misunderstanding fight, except that USAgent has the wrinkle of "just following orders." He was definitely going to team-up with Hauer next month, and with the bystanders getting shot up Dalton was probably going to get off the bench as well. We might see more issues of this later, but the series only ran eight issues.

I'm know Gruenwald, John Walker's creator, wrote the stories where he lost his parents; but he still spoke with them like they were alive for some time: I don't know if that was intended to build sympathy for a franky unsympathetic character, or if Gruenwald was suggesting the guys that act the hardest crack first... Read more!

"Beans."

I searched, but I don't think there's a Lego kit numbered 5439, although I like where C'hod's head is at.

Death's Head probably wouldn't really know about Cybertron's lost moon, but if anyone was going to...It's also a callback to ToyFare #8, "Clash of the Titans," where Mego Spidey loses a wrestling match--and subsequently, Twisted Toyfare Theatre--to his Famous Covers counterpart, who is about as funny as an uncut block of cheese.  

Anyway, organ grinders! I suppose they don't have to have monkeys, but that feels like decaf coffee or worse; like missing the whole point of the exercise. This may or may not have come up from Bugs Bunny in Hurdy-Gurdy Hare, or this banger of a B-side from Prince:   

I'm usually more hopeful for Star Wars stuff, and Andor was super-great, and I thought the Acolyte was trying to do something interesting, but really just continued the tradition that apparently most Jedis can block laser shots all the live-long day but are utterly useless against an opponent with a lightsaber. I guess I have more faith in Star Wars than in the resurgence of organ grinders? Which feels damning with faint praise, but...

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Over the years, I've blogged several issues of Thor from the stretch before Walt Simonson took over and revitalized the title with Thor #337. The book was facing cancellation, so Marvel, as it sometimes used to, took a chance and gave a creator a lot of leeway to turn it around. Now, between the end of the somewhat long and confused Celestial Saga in #300 and #337, those three years are considered a bit of a fallow period, a low point; although at least a few issues like #309 or #316 were solid superhero meat-and-potatoes reads. I liked them, anyway! Today's book is almost-but-not-quite in the same vein: it might be more running out the clock. From 1985, Action Comics #573, "The Sale of the Century!" Written by Craig Boldman, pencils by Kurt Schaffenberger, inks by Bob Oksner.

There's an ad for Crisis on Infinite Earths #7--that very cover!--this very issue! But that crying Superman feels far more modern, than this very Silver Age-style story. In fact, the villain--or 'villain,' more antagonist, or pain-in-the-ass--this month was originally from the Golden Age: con man J.Wilbur Wolfingham. He was a low-impact threat, more of a challenge: a non-violent grifter, although after years of normalized scams, swindles, and bold-faced lies I can't shake the feeling that Wolfingham should be beaten with a sack of oranges. (I always remember that from Jim Thompson's The Grifters, but it might be from the movie version!) Superman arrives mid-stream here, steamed that Wolfingham and his nephew/trainee Wormwood are the only people left on earth!

Trying to demonstrate the art of the confidence game, Wolfingham thinks he has an easy mark, in the form of a conveniently-appearing alien, who wears a costume reimescient of Colossal Boy's old outfit. (I maintain, that suit was dated when it came out!) Wolfingham pulls the old Brooklyn Bridge scam, and "sells" the alien the planet; but then the alien gives the human race the boot, digitizing them all into a storage cube, and evicting Wolfingham. The alien was going to flip Earth! God, I hate business. After Superman is brought up to speed, when the alien tries to pitch earth to a prospective tenant, Supes queers the deal with an ice cream rain and then a pepper storm: Wolfingham innocently explains, yeah, that sort of thing was always happening here. The alien doesn't buy it: who could live like that? But Wolfingham explains, it wasn't impossible, when you had your own 'genie,' Superman! (OK, the alien really should've recognized Supes there; he was universe-famous at that point!) The alien claims the 'genie,' as part of the larger purchase of earth; then takes off for another possible purchase to flip. Listening in, Superman realizes the alien travelled from world to world, victimizing con men: that way, if there was any blowback from local law, he could claim to be the injured party there.

Superman then stages danger--and stomach-churning rescues--for the alien; who returns to Wolfingham again, who plays it off as he was glad to be rid of the hazardous genie. The alien eventually wheedles Wolfingham into trading back, and takes off, suspecting he had been taken but just glad to be out of it. Everyone on earth is returned, none the wiser, and Superman explains, didn't Wolfingham wonder where the alien got the cash he paid him with? He had picked Wolfingham's pocket! (That seemed like a lot of cash to carry around, even for a grifter! Most people would notice a wheelbarrow full of cash being lifted off their person...) Still, Wolfingham ends up pretty much back where he started...except he still had the papers of ownership for earth.

Not a completely unfun little story, but it felt like it could've been on the racks ten, even twenty years prior to its publication date. And this was ten issues prior to the conclusion of Alan Moore's "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?" in Action #583 and then the John Byrne-reboot era. We looked at Action #571 some years back; and "Sale of the Century!" feels like a better constructed story, which makes me worry this might've been the high point for around then? Also this issue: an insert for Mask, and back-up story "If I Were Superman..." which felt slightly more modern: a street vendor fantasizes about how he would use Superman's powers more creatively, which might put him on the path to selling a new product. (Written by Kevin Juaire and David Campiti, pencils by Alex Saviuk, inks by Eduardo Barreto.) Read more!