Sometimes when they say 'locals only' you maybe should listen.

Also this issue: a woman goes about becoming a b-girl the wrong way--wait, I think I mean something else. From 1975, House of Secrets #129. Cover by Luis Dominguez.

"Almost Human" is a spin on a fairly typical horror plot: the hidden village of mysterious tribesmen, who may have secrets unknown to modern man. In this case, it's a tribe of bee people, somehow evolved from insects: an entomologist thinks their royal jelly could be a cure for most diseases and aging, and is willing to sacrifice her party to get it if need be. She kills a guy to keep him from hurting one, then gets captured by the bee people, who give her exactly what she wanted, which doesn't turn out exactly as she expected. (Written by Jack Oleck, art by Franc Reyes.)

After some Sergio Aragones' shorts, we then get "The Lottery," which isn't Shirley Jackson's version but it's close. A businessman says goodbye to his beloved wife and kids before getting on the train for a business trip, but ends up on the wrong train and instead of Springfield (not that one...well, maybe) he gets stuck in small town Plumber's Junction. Stranded until the next train comes through, at least the town was having some kind of festival, complete with a lottery with a $50,000 prize! The man wants a ticket for that action, but is warned this was usually just for the locals...well, it'll probably be okay. Of course he wins, and the prize is legit, but it's going to his family, since the man is clonked on the head, and left trussed up in a cemetery for the local vampire! The locals feel kinda bad about it, but overall one victim a year was better than the vampire picking people off all willy-nilly and such, and the family was taken care of, so...They maybe should put some of that on the lottery tickets, in the fine print maybe. (Written by Michael Fleisher and Russell Carley, art by Ernie Chan.)

That page is pretty good, although I feel like you could write like a dozen of these that use it! All roads lead to the graveyard, I suppose. Read more!

I only wish I could blame the state of my collection on Magnor.

There was a newsstand and a direct-market cover for this one; with the DM getting a pop-out cover with a joke about an opened copy not being mint, so buy another one! Oddly, although I know I had read this, I think I just got two copies lately, so I'm trying, guys! From 1993, the Mighty Magnor #1, written by Mark Evanier, art by Sergio Aragonés.

Two wannabe comic book creators are told repeatedly there was no room in the business for anything but super-heros, so they struggle to come up with a new spin on it. Needing inspiration, and a model, they find a huge, somewhat confused guy in an alley: he only repeats bits from commercials, but looks the part. Redressed slightly, alley guy is transformed, into the Mighty Magnor! Who then stays up late reading all of the artist's comic collection. And later, stops a liquor store robbery, by wrapping the crooks up in a lamppost: a traditional super-hero bit, that blacks out like 20 blocks and does thousands in damages. But, while a mad scientist continues fine-tuning his giant robot, an alien invasion was already under way, and we probably have to have more origin for Magnor...to be continued!

Because that's how comics roll, I probably have three copies of this first issue from the cheap bins, but I'm not positive I've ever seen the later issues, anywhere, ever! Well, eBay will fix at least part of that; I just got the last four issues for cheap. The postage was more! Well, I'm sure Serg and Mark would see the humor in that. Read more!

"The End" Week: Sergio Aragonés Funnies #12!

Even though I often lament that I don't have the organizational skills god gave a goat, I have been putting together a short box full of Sergio Aragonés stuff. Which is mostly Groo, sure, but there's some others! From 2014, Sergio Aragonés Funnies #12, story and art by Sergio Aragonés.

This was his last issue with Bongo, which still had a couple years left in it; and Sergio explains his intention to continue the series at another publisher: I'm not sure he did, at least under this name.

If I'm lucky, maybe I blogged Sergio's issue of Solo this year; which features "I Killed Marty Feldman." This issue features a more upbeat story of him meeting an idol, in this case the great Toshiro Mifune during the filming of Ánimas Trujano. Sergio's dad Pascual Aragonés had been a production manager and producer, and Sergio often seemed to show up for 'visits' conveniently whenever some star was around! Read more!

It was the most profitable camping trip ever, I guess?

Some IMDB links to back this up: if I recollect, aside from side stuff, there's three proper movies in the Blair Witch franchise. (Or 'franchise,' depending on your opinion!) First there was 1999's the Blair Witch Project, which was absurdly profitable since it cost figuratively about $60 to make, and kicked off a barrage of 'found footage' horror that continues to this day. It was quickly followed by Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 in 2000, and I am not 100% sure I, or anyone, saw that one; although I'm pretty sure they advertised the hell out of it in comics of the time and it had the mandatory nu-metal soundtrack to show they had a budget now. They tried again in 2016 with Blair Witch, which was more of a direct sequel to the first; I had it on in the background last month and am unsure on the title character's powers? Best guess, the Blair Witch can make people stand in the corner, interferes with wi-fi, and can mimic voices like the Predator? Geez, pick a lane already...But why should filmmakers and producers be the only ones to cash in here? Why not Mark and Sergio? From 1999, Sergio Aragonés' Blair Which? #1, story by Sergio Aragonés and Mark Evanier, art by Sergio Aragonés, letters by Stan Sakai.

Sleepy, small town Burkittsville MD is a typical American hamlet; in that it's full of rubes and loudmouths. When word gets out some college kids are filming a "movie" in the woods, rumors and stories fly; mostly of lies parents told their kids to try and get them to behave, or at least shut up for five minutes. "The Blair Witch will get you if you don't stop touching yourself," that sort of thing. As talk spreads, a group of scouts head out for a camping trip, including one with a Hi-8 camera and a dream: to shoot a documentary about a fake horror legend and sell it for big bucks!

But, the scouts are close enough that the hopelessly lost and terrified college kids can hear them yelling and roughhousing (although apparently not talking normally) as well as find bizarre items like cairns of stones (where the scouts buried their trash) and weird pagan crosses (failed craft project/bear traps). The scouts also find the creepy house in the woods, explore it, get bored, and leave; all before the college kids arrive. And the end of the movie occurs, as a demolition crew implodes the derelict house! The tapes are later found, thrown away, found again, sent to Hollywood as a joke, and the rest is history!

I'm guessing Sergio and Mark didn't like that one. Although, that could be jealousy over the dump trucks full of money somebody made outta that. (Not the actors, pretty sure they were shorted there!) I don't think I had this issue new, but they (and Dark Horse) appeared to get this out pretty quick: gotta strike while the iron is hot, I suppose. Aside from craft, repetition, and craft, a lot of Sergio and Mark's career seems to be based on "no one could be that stupid!"/someone is of course that stupid, and they were 110% correct there. Read more!

Admittedly, House of Mystery deserves a Congressional medal of honor probably more than any recent recipients.

Wait, I might be thinking of the Presidential Medal of whatever; but we're not waiting to save this for November 13th, either!

Ugh, this isn't even an 80-page Thursdays one. Some years I'm maybe on the ball enough for a whole month of horror comics or something, like all those Twilight Zones last year; and this year, um...I actually wrote Friday's post before this one, but there's some overlap between the two: from 1998, Welcome Back to the House of Mystery #1, featuring stories by Steve Skeates, Mike Friedrich, George Kashdan, Bob Kanigher, and more; and art by Jim Aparo, Gil Kane, Wally Wood, Neal Adams, and more. Cover by Bernie Wrightson.

This was a 100-pager, under the Vertigo label, reprinting classics from House of Mystery, as well as two Bernie Wrightson numbers from Plop! ("The Gourmet" and "Molded in Evil," Wrightson also has "The Secret of the Egyptian Cat" from HoM here.) Because they may have thought the reprints weren't enough of a draw, there's also a new framing sequence with art by Sergio Aragonés; although I wish it was with his usual collaborator Mark Evanier. Sergio also does a little piece for "Cain's True Things You Didn't Know About the House of Mystery!!!!" Four exclamation points, so you know it's good!

I'm going to mention it again tomorrow, since I've already written that post; but a few from here were just reprinted in the giant facsimile edition of Limited Collector's Edition #C-23, the big House of Mystery treasury! That one also has "Nightmare," "Secret of the Egyptian Cat," and "His Name is Cain Kane." So, you could probably grab those now if you hurry!

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He's exploited by management, but tortures animals...yeah, definitely has this coming.

I do enjoy finding an oddball like this in the cheap bins: from 1975, Weird Mystery Tales #22, featuring "A Death at the Races" Written by Michael Fleisher and Russell Carley, art by Franc Reyes.

In 1923, dog racing is the new thing, but trainer Leonard Snively doesn't think his "artistry" is appreciated: to get the dogs used to chasing the mechanical rabbit at the track, he lets them chase down live bunnies in a fenced-in meadow. Feeling underappreciated, Leonard supplements his income with some skimming, but accidentally kills his boss when he gets found out. Legging it from the cops, he finds a small town he hadn't realized was there, and the locals take him in. Leonard explains his job, the sport of dog racing, and how he trained the dogs. But the next day, no one is around, and the streets are deserted. Deserted, except for the monsters!

The monsters chase Leonard, who eventually hits a dead end, but is saved by a gate dropping...and then cheering? Leonard had been the 'rabbit' in a monster race, since he had given the locals the idea how it could be done! And, the best part was, they could keep using Leonard in the races! One gambler asks, wait, what if Leonard tripped or something? Well, guess we'd have to get a new bunny then. Sure enough...

After a Sergio Aragones joke page, next was "A Reckoning in Eden," written by Mal Warwick, art by Bill Draut. Colonists flee a polluted earth, putting themselves into suspended animation for a long trip to a new 'Eden,' only to find a civilization there when they arrive. While some want to take the world by force, their commander explains they hadn't even brought weapons, in the hopes of not repeating the mistakes of earth; but they fall into a common sci-fi trap: earth had invented faster-than-light travel after they left, and had been on Eden for like 3000 years! It was a bit, uh, lived-in.

"Meet My Murderer" is a bit more stylish number; feeling a bit upscale for this book! Ace photographer Tina Van Avery has one goal in life: to get a photograph of a ghost, "if it's the last thing I do!" It's not giving anything away to say she does succeed, but with a bitter twist. Nice art, though: written by Robert Kanigher, art by Tenny Henson. 

Darn, checking the GCD for this one, I saw the cover for #19 first, and that looked more interesting! Weird Mystery Tales only ran 24 issues, but DC had a ton of horror books at the time; one more or less probably didn't make much difference.

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I was expecting WAY more jokes about Superman's mullet, but that's low-hanging fruit.

We saw them take on Marvel last year, but today they try the proverbial other side of the street! From 1996, Sergio Aragonés Destroys DC #1, written by Mark Evanier, pencils by Sergio Aragonés, inks by John Dell, Denis Rodier, Scott Hanna, John Byrne, Ron Boyd, Jerry Ordway, Joe Rubinstein, and Sergio Aragonés.

Not unlike his foray at Marvel, here Sergio decides it's time to become "big-time super-hero drawing person!" but is shut down by their receptionist, who may deserve a raise! Undaunted, he starts his super-hero epic, forcing his long-suffering cohort Mark into providing dialog. Time for another Batman origin retelling! Needs more pearls, although there's a very 90's joke there. Wonder Woman's "glass plane," because Sergio wanted to draw it! Legion try-outs! And more!

I'm 60% sure Ambush Bug used the "villain" here too, but there's a clever way of getting rid of them, that makes use of DC's usual "two pages of ads...they always put them where they interrupt the most suspenseful part of the story!"

I may have to check my shelves, since I think I have a collection with Sergio Aragonés Stomps Star Wars. And Sergio Aragonés' Blair Which? was great! Read more!

I love Sergio, but his Spidey just seems wrong somehow.

I wish I had some old Mad's handy to check, if he drew him like that after the movies! From 1996, Sergio Aragonés Massacres Marvel #1, written by Mark Evanier, art by Sergio Aragonés.

Huh, this was the same year as Marvel's bankruptcy...I'm sure that's just a coincidence, and am also sure Evanier and Aragonés have probably made that joke before, too! The duo visit Marvel's offices to pitch a new book, but everyone seems to be out; so while Mark takes a nap (and dreams of working with another artist!) Sergio takes it upon himself to draw all of Marvel's comics, to get them back on schedule! And he can do it, too, by eschewing time-consuming constraints "like perspective and anatomy!" (Marvel was way ahead of him there!)

The Fantastic Four story, "Behold...a Pale Imitation!" is probably my favorite, as Sue, Ben, and Johnny argue about whose turn it is to quit the team. They're also shocked when Reed isn't dead, that's their other plot! The Spidey story is also fun, as our hero mopes over his sad life: mean editor, hot wife, aunt just died at the age of 137...The Silver Surfer has similiar gripes, but they and various others are captured by "the Seagoing Soarer!" Captain America and the Avengers bag out, as Cap has had enough of modern society and frozen himself, and the rest of the team join him.

In the final battle with the Soarer, the Hulk pulls Sergio into the story; and the Soarer reveals himself to be...you can probably guess, but I won't say: it took Mark nine days for that bit! Later, when the Bullpen returns, they're less than thrilled with Sergio's comics, or the fact that he used up all the paper! They're given the boot, but you know, it's not like Marvel was the only game in town...

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I'm not sure when this will post--god forbid closer to Halloween--but the Twilight Zone marathon is on and it's going to be a million degrees here in a day or so. ("The Midnight Sun" comes closer every year!)  Let's see if that negatively affects my opinion of this issue! From 1977, Secrets of Haunted House #5. Cover by Michael Wm. Kaluta. Spoilers for this one, so it's going after the break there. (Can I really spoil a 47-year old comic? I mean, really, you snooze, you lose.)

Suburbanites try their hands at demon-summoning, in "Raise the Devil!" So far they haven't had any luck, although the men still dream about the power they hope to obtain, while one of their wives frets a demon could get at their kids. Which is poo-poohed by her hubby: the demon wouldn't be able to get out of the pentagram, silly goose. The wannabe Anton Lavey gets his hands on a new book, and a demon appears--then flies straight up, into the kids' room! That would often be the final twist, but there's one more: the kids have their own pentagram, and now have a demon under their control! The parents immediately realize; they are just boned. ("Raising the Devil" Plot by Michael Pellowski, script by E. Nelson Bridwell, pencils by Bernard Baily, inks by Win Mortimer.)

Then, "The Strange Case of the Sloop 'San Mateo'": written by Sergio Aragonés and Steve Skeates, pencils by Romeo Tanghal, inks by Bob Smith. Skeates may be translating here; as the Coast Guard finds the ship unlit and adrift, and has no idea what happened to its owner. Luckily, we have Cain to give us the goods: the owner of the 'San Mateo' dinged it up on some rocks, but then rather than cough up for repairs opted to pull some good wood from a shipwreck, despite a warning from an ominous old sea captain. The wreck had originally been the Oreo, a slave ship that had dumped prisoners, and then misfortune had befallen its owners and sailors many times since. No points for guessing what comes next, although Cain does warn the reader, if you get a good deal on a used boat, maybe check the paint and make sure it doesn't say 'San Mateo' under it.

Not great, but readable. Feels a little short even for the era, though. (There's a opener with the horror hosts, and a witch's broomstick gag page as well.)

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Even for a Groo comic, that escalated quickly.

You can see where it's going, sure; but it's still worth the trip! From 1991, Groo the Wanderer #84, "The Puppeteers" Written, drawn, and inked by Sergio Aragonés, co-plot and dialogue by Mark Evanier, colors by Tom Luth, letters by Stan Sakai.

Groo has become addicted to the idiot box--in this case, puppet shows! And he prefers the classic, hit-him-in-the-head shows; not the boring ones with plots or characters. So, a puppeteer crew starts pandering to Groo, the absolute lowest common denominator; which attracts other viewers to see what's so funny. But the puppeteers need funds, which prompts Groo to give the local innskeeper a bit of a shakedown; so the puppeteers smooth over feathers by offering to talk up how great the inn is during their shows. This prompts other local small businesses to approach both puppet crews, buying ad time and making creative suggestions. Before long, they've branched into local "news," like a re-enactment of a murder, and pre-made "puppet dinners" so their audience won't have to stop watching to eat! Arguably, the puppeteers are almost performing a valuable service, in keeping Groo occupied; as a night-shift of assorted shills take over for late-night shows. After getting into political ads, eventually one crew leaves town, having heard there weren't puppet shows in the north...so the market was wide open!

This issue has a dedicated subscription ad, for a somewhat sad occasion: I had to scan this cover for the GCD, since it was the last newsstand issue of the series, and it would only be available at comic shops or subscription going forward. I remember reading the first issues of Epic's Groo on the newsstand, and it feels like something important was just lost, even if few realized at the time. Read more!

The other day on Twitter, it came up that Disney told Don Rosa they were no longer going to reprint two of his Uncle Scrooge stories, which is going to mean future editions of the Complete Times of Scrooge McDuck would not be complete. I ordered a cheap used one right away for myself; even though hard-core Scrooge fans seem mildly confused as to what that's about. (There's a character called "Bombie" who might possibly be, or be construed as, some kind of ethnic stereotype or mockery.) But, it seemed like those are comics that I should appreciate while I can, right? Kind of like the recent Groo books;  he said to transition to it somehow, so why not look at a random old one in my pile here? 

From 1993, Groo the Wanderer #103, "Jailbirds" Story and art by Sergio Aragonés, with co-plot and dialog by Mark Evanier, letters by Stan Sakai, colors by Tom Luth. (I don't always mention letters and colors credits, but Sakai and Luth were still usually on Groo now! Luth wasn't on the current Gods Against Groo, but had been on the Groo meets Tarzan book in 2021.) 

As was fairly common for Groo, he was lost, which implies he was heading somewhere with purpose. Although he's too slow to catch any lizards for supper, his trusty companion Rufferto catches several; and they meet some fellow travelers, who have their own dog, Oso. What kind of dog Rufferto was supposed to be, I don't recall; but Oso is obviously a pit bull-ish type, and seems a bit quick-tempered.

Dinner is interrupted by a fray, as a posse has caught up with the travelers, who were a band of bandits. Groo restrains himself from hurting the posse, since he was no criminal, and then captures the bandits. Rufferto and Oso had been hunting lizards, and are separated from their masters, and have to track them down. 

In the usual roundabout fashion, Groo ends up with a new job, taking the bandits to another town's jail. That jail was full up though, so Groo was going to have to take them back. Eventually realizing Groo was somehow too stupid to be talked into letting them go, and so dumb tricking him would only backfire, the bandits lament their life of crime. Which gives Groo a surprisingly decent idea!

Groo eventually is found by Rufferto and Oso, the latter of whom would stick around for another issue or two. 

I don't always buy Groo new off the racks, but picked up the last few issues: it's damning with faint praise, but it's consistent as all get out. I don't think I've ever read a really off one, and they're up to what Marvel legacy numbering would ballpark as #196! Man, I hope they've got another couple hundred in them.

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Today's subplot is, "Sergio Aragonés could get it."

I watched the brief TV show in 1987 (with Rene Russo!) and an issue of the book was one of the first I bought from an actual comic book store. Too bad it wasn't this issue! From 1986, Jon Sable, Freelance #33, "Cave of the Half-Pints" Story and art by Mike Grell and Sergio Aragonés.

Along with his mercenary activities, Jon Sable also wrote children's books, under the alias B.B. Flemm. While his partner and agent were in on his "secret identity," he hated having to play as "a wimp in the Flemm suit," but today figured it wouldn't be that bad, as they were just meeting a cartoonist with storyboards for an animated adaptation of his book. "Flemm" jokingly assumes the cartoonist will be some kind of dweeb, but instead they get the dashing and handsome Sergio--er, Sucio Eroganes.

The bulk of the issue is the adaptation of Flemm's leprechaun stories: during the potato famine in Ireland, three troublemakers are kicked out of their colony and immigrate to America. They set up shop in what would become Central Park, with a wee bit of encouragement given to the city planners with a drop of the drink. Jon and Myke love it, but then notice Eden had disappeared with Sucio, ending up in his hot tub!

I know I have a bunch of issues of this from the quarter bins--I don't love it anywhere near as much as Grell's Warlord, but still, and this issue seems like he was still having fun with it. Sergio is of course, the coolest. Read more!

So the other day I think I brought up Plop! in the comments, and while I think I've had the Best of DC Digest #60 for going on 35 years, I only recently picked up my first single issue of the book, and didn't remember it had the same cover! From 1975, Plop! #13, cover by Wally Wood. 

Actually, I have to take a gander if I actually do still have that digest, as I kind of feel it's one of a handful of books I've lent out and lost more than once. (See also: the Big Book of Urban Legends.) Until just now, I didn't realize there was another Plop! digest collection, Best of DC Digest #63. And none of the stories from inside this issue are reprinted in either one! That either means yay, this is the only way to read them, or boo, they were stinkers not worth reprinting? Let's see:

Sergio Aragonés draws the framing sequence--with Cain, Abel, and Eve trying in vain to avoid being 'Plopped!' upon--as well as the voodoo tale "The Banana Dolls" with Steve Skeates. When the workers on a banana plantation get nowhere complaining about the whippings from the cruel foreman, they take matters into their own hands with banana voodoo dolls. After the foreman and owner are killed, the cruel accountant takes over, but thinks he has the problem licked: no more whipping, "...from now on it's bullets all the way!" He knew a doll of him was forthcoming, but steals it in a hail of gunfire and locks it in a safe for well, safekeeping, and throws it in the river. Voodoo fans may see the flaw in his plan, though.

Most of the rest of the issue is "The Epic of Sidney Kidney," a young man of remarkable uglyness. It's mean and dumb and surprisingly has a punchline Plop! went to at least once in Best of DC Digest #60 alone! Boo. Even "Super Plops" with Kurt Schaffenberger art is weak. Maybe the 13th issue is unlucky after all.

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A rule of thumb, I recommend for you as well:

If there's a Groo issue in the quarter bin, no question: buy it.
Sergio Aragonés and Mark Evanier (probably more often than not accompanied by Stan Sakai on letters) have done, off the top of my head, what, a hundred-and-twenty some issues of Groo the Wanderer, through something like five different publishers? Even randomly buying Groo issues, you're probably going to get different ones every time, and they will be funny, every time.

Scans from Groo the Wanderer #34, "The Amulet" from Aragonés and Evanier. Incidentally, old Groo comics from Epic are far more timeless than any of the mainstream books advertised therein, like the Fall of the Mutants X-book crossover. Just saying.
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