Probably doesn't believe in aliens or ghosts, either. What an idiot.

Thanks to the reviews over at Siskoid's Blog of Geekery, I've been watching a lot of old X-Files episodes lately. There's a point, possibly a hundred episodes or so in, where Scully's trademark skepticism has been more or less eroded away by the constant barrage of weird and unexplainable crap she's seen. In a fictional universe like that, it seems disbelief will only get you so far. That would be like living in the DC universe and not believing in Batman; like the narrator in today's book: from 2002, Batman: Gotham Knights #31, "Clean" Written by Devin Grayson, pencils by Roger Robinson, inks by John Floyd. Cover by Dave Gibbons.

We checked out a prior issue of Gotham Knights a couple months back, part of the "Bruce Wayne--Murderer?" serial; today's issue is the seventeenth and penultimate chapter of "Bruce Wayne: Fugitive." The cleaner, Amherst, has buried a lot of evidence, but someone is after him now: the Batman. Except Amherst doesn't believe that: he thinks Batman isn't real, he's just a cover story, made up to draw attention from whatever's really going on. His theory would make sense, if this was a story set earlier in Batman's career, but set present-day, it sounds like Amherst is burying his head in the sand. We've noted it before: Batman writers and editors tend to want it both ways, that Batman is both an urban legend and a public figure. Which doesn't really track; it would be like Bigfoot giving a press conference and then expecting people to still not believe in him. Well, I suppose some people still wouldn't, but they'd be the same type that don't believe in the moon landing, either.

Anyway, Batman tracks down the special forces team that assisted Amherst, and just brutalizes them. Literally. The team's C.O. does believe in Batman, not because he just watched him thrash his men, but because he read the reports. "We have no intel on Batman ever killing anyone," he says. Batman corrects him: they have no evidence, which isn't the same thing...

Batman is either absolutely willing to cripple the special forces team to get what he wants, or really sells it; the C.O. coughs it up. Although Amherst convinces himself to stick with his plan, get out on schedule, not panic and run; he probably would have had a better chance that way. Batman finds the cleaner, and finds out he delivered payment to a "Mr. Smith" for a character assassination...on Bruce Wayne. Who gave him his orders? All the way at the top, baby. Since there's only one issue left in this storyline, I'm pretty sure the next chapter is like 99% exposition as Batman puts it all together, but I'm also positive that the culprit received like absolutely zero comeuppance for anything that's happened in the last thirty issues...
Read more!

I often say Dredd's a humorless bastard, but I could be wrong:

He could just be really, really deadpan in his delivery.

If you read Dredd's panels out loud--which I heartily encourage you to do, particularly if you work in an office setting--I think the most common reading would be the first lines quiet: "Do you have a problem with rats?...No? You know why?" Then loud, and borderline hysteric, "'Cause the goddamn alligators eat them!" Maybe that's an American reading, since I think most of us over here would be upset to the verge of complete panic after the gator attack Dredd mentions, and would probably punch Smellie one in the face for good measure.

For Dredd though, that's either poor form, or Dredd's gravelly voice is menacing enough without him raising it. I don't know if this has ever been mentioned either, but I imagine Dredd has having serious dental problems, from gritting and/or grinding his teeth, clenching his jaw, and so forth.

Drokk, I had this scanned almost a year ago, but didn't note where it was from: from Judge Dredd #30, "Gator" Written by John Wagner and Alan Grant (both as "T.B. Grover"), art by Kim Raymond. I thought of this story again recently, while watching The Hills Have Eyes 2: in the second half of "Gator," a survivalist class had unknowingly set off into the sewers for a final test, which goes about as well as you'd figure. As most of the class is brought through a manhole...in handfuls...a passerby asks what all that was about. "Survival class." "Huh. Looks like they all flunked out!" I was totally expecting a variation on that at the end of the movie; it sure as hell couldn't have hurt... Read more!