"Off-brand."

The title for this one was intended to keep from disparaging Windex; the fact that it refers to the Squadron Supreme as well is just a happy accident! In-continuity right now, I feel like there's multiple versions of the Squadron on 616-earth simultaneously, along with others that have come and gone. We may have a jerkier batch today, and they may have a plan. A plan that somehow involves Satana and Talos? Oddly enough, yes! Read more!

Well, at least most of that was as advertised.

Yet another X-title picked up randomly, because it had a lot of X-Men on the cover. This was promoted in the checklist as "guest-starring ALL the current X-Men!" And maybe it will illustrate some of the problems of the line at the time, at least for me: from 2005, X-Men #174, "Bizarre Love Triangle, part 4: Election Day" Written by Peter Milligan, pencils by Salvador Larroca, inks by Danny Miki and Allen Martinez.

Previously, a new mutant named Foxx entered the Xavier Institute; and in short order started pursuing her team lead, Gambit. Gambit had been going through a rough patch with Rogue, but rejected Foxx and was going to move her to another squad, when she revealed herself to be Mystique, and tried to seduce him again! Once discovered, Mystique then made an unusual plea: to join the X-Men. The team had a history of rehabilitating former foes, and a vote was scheduled. Rogue confronts Mystique, about whether anything happened between her foster mom and her slightly sketchy boyfriend: Mystique remained tight-lipped, if suggestive. Even Rogue's powers couldn't see the truth: she later describes it to Gambit as "a wall of white mental noise. She's had something done to her, or--" Which would line up with current continuity! Gambit denies everything, and Rogue apologizes to young mutant Bling for momentarily suspecting her of something as well. Rogue tells Bling the story, which she passes to her teammates, including Onyxx, who had been sprung on Foxx. (Onyxx was an odd design: Thing-like skin, a weird skull and metal helmet, four eyes.)

Rogue approaches Emma, suggesting she could read Gambit's mind without him even knowing it--not necessarily suggesting she do it, just that she could. Emma might deflect that, by telling Rogue Havok had asked her to do the same to Polaris; which Rogue decries as "sneaky." Before the vote, Mystique stands before 15 X-Men--with a notable exception--and pleads her case: she was 80 years old (lie!) and her mutation developed when she was 12. She had been forced to do things to survive, and hadn't had the same opportunities or support anyone there had received. She had never had a chance, to be "good." Mystique is taken to a cell by Colossus, and doesn't appear particularly contrite: bored, she asks if he'd be up for strip poker...?

The X-Men aren't a unified front here: Rogue absolutely doesn't want Mystique there, but others point out that's what was said when she joined the team, and she turned out pretty good. On the other hand, Mystique. Gambit sides with Rogue, and Iceman says he's just trying to score points: I get the feeling Iceman didn't have strong feelings about it, and was just being contrary. Polaris suggests the team could use more women, Wolverine says it ain't about that, Storm turns on Wolvie a bit there. No one there seems to be making a real strong argument for Mystique. Meanwhile, in her cell, Mystique is confronted by Onyxx, who wants her to be Foxx again. They fight, interrupted by someone, and Mystique finishes the fight by smashing a toilet over Onyxx's head. He seems like he's only staggered, but Mystique may or may not be seriously hurt; as she's confronted by Nightcrawler, who asks a favor: whichever way the vote goes, go away for a while, so he could sort his head out over it. Mystique's answer is a scowl. (I don't love this: it feels more selfish than Kurt would let himself be. Also, feels like the other X-Men maybe should've asked how he felt about the situation, which we don't see here.)

Disappointingly, we don't see how the actual vote went, but Mystique is awarded probationary status. Rogue is sullen, and Gambit tries to cheer her up, but they find Mystique's cell smashed open, and her gone. Onyxx is hospitalized by Beast, who notes Onyxx had signed a waiver, "admitting culpability" in their fight. Mystique escapes with a shadowy figure, "Augustus," who would later be revealed as Pulse, a mutant Mystique seemingly intended to replace Gambit in Rogue's heart. That...that's weird, right? Mystique also says, she didn't want to stick around for the verdict, since she "could see in their miserable faces they were going to turn me down." But, she felt she had opened a wound between Rogue and Gambit, that would now fester. She'd be back, in relatively short order. Read more!

OK, I may have literally booed that title.

Early issues of this series are pretty easy to pull from the back-issue boxes, but I feel like the latter ones are a bit more scarce. I lucked into a few recently, although sadly not the last issue; but this one had an interesting cover and a groaner title: from 1994, Guardians of the Galaxy #54, "The Spiders from Mars" Written by Michael Gallagher, pencils by Scott Eaton, inks by Keith Aiken, Jim Amash, and Mike Barreiro.

The Guardians' timeline diverged from the mainstream Marvel Universe, when Mars attacked earth in the late twentieth century, eventually wiping out most of earth's heroes and population. (I forget, but I think Killraven and the future Guardians are the same timeline?) Over a thousand years later, and Mars was still a forbidden, quarantined world; but the team was on its way there, in search of "interplanetary serial killer Ripjak." They have to fight their way past three Sentinels--classic, purple, mutant-hunting ones--to get to the planet's surface, which is seemingly deserted. Cautiously, they investigate a "memorial tribute war museum." Vance pops open a display case, to help himself to Captain America's mask, but it crumbles to dust. But there was another costume still on display: Spider-Man's tattered red-and-blue suit.

The Martians had an entire room devoted to Spidey, "the last hero to fall." They had also taken his body, which was not currently on display: a note, translated, says it had been removed for "possible plague immunization." The Guardians aren't sure what that means, but split up to search for Ripjak, who seems ready for them...I haven't read the rest of this series yet, I don't think, but I'm guessing he's a Spider-clone. (Nope! Close, but no.)

Starhawk makes a brief appearance, since a subplot of him searching for his origins would run for the rest of the series. I did read those after setting up this post, and there were some surprises, that may or may not still be in continuity; but a lot of the rest of this series seemed to be backfilling why so-and-so hero didn't stop the Martian invasion singlehandedly. Aleta was still with the team, although with a much more generic costume: the Starhawk costume would probably look great on her, although she didn't seem as grim. Lot of subplots running, actually: Talon was getting more bestial and somewhat rebellious, but even Yondu was questioning Vance Astro's leadership. Yondu was also out-of-sorts, possibly because he had learned his god Anthos might actually be Thanos! But, a lot of plates spinning, and not enough actually happens here, even with a great visual hook in the Spidey display. Read more!

I have two of these, had I read it?

Also, you could've maybe bought this at a Wal-Mart four years ago--comics for sale in Wal-Mart? Sure that was this century? From 2020, From Beyond the Unknown #1.

Shoot, I seem to have two of the Direct Market versions, so maybe I didn't get this at Wal-Mart; but the distribution for those was a crapshoot; and I feel like this and the Our Fighting Forces reprint books were late in the game. I say reprint book, but there's a fair amount of new stuff in this one: a 16-page Green Lantern story, "In Gloom" Written by Dave Wielgosz, art by Kenneth Rocafort. The Guardians of the Universe lecture Hal about maybe giving the rest of Sector 2814 some of the attention that earth hogs; which Hal kind of brushes off until he encounters the Gloom, who have hunted down Bolphunga the Unrelenting, and blame Hal for not being there to save them. Bolphunga had maybe blown up their planet, but calls them crybabies, and he might have something there.

Next, a Kamandi story, "The Butler" Written by Tom Sniegoski, art by Eric Gapstur. With that title, you automatically assume it's going to involve Alfred somehow, but nope! Fighting off rat-men, Kamandi meets a robot butler, that had been struggling to maintain its home, in readiness for when its masters returned. They were of course dead as hell, but Kamandi brings back the bodies, and the butler dotes on them like they were hale and hearty. (The butler must've been a Norman model!) Then, another new story: "Stealth Mode" with the Legion of Super-Heroes, story and pencils by Dan Jurgens, inks by Norm Rapmund. This is a short little Bronze Age Legion story--why that timeframe? I dunno, Jurgens may have just wanted to draw Wildfire and Dawnstar. And why not?

The rest of the issue is reprints, but pretty good ones: "The Riddle of Little Earth Lost!" from DC Comics Presents #3, a classic with Adam Strange and Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez art; "The 50-Story Killer!" from Brave and the Bold #113, a Haney/Aparo number with Batman and the Metal Men; and the Alan Moore Katma Tui story from Green Lantern Annual #3. Read more!

Hey, this ain't a Two-in-One! Gimme my quarter back!

Well, this was continued from Marvel Two-in-One #7. Synopis: "The Thing and Valkyrie stop Enchantress and the Executioner. The Thing saves the world with a supernatural harmonica." Aw, man...from 1975, Defenders #20, "The Woman She Was...!" Written by Steve Gerber, layouts by Sal Buscema, finishes by Vince Colletta.

The Enchantress and Executioner are here briefly, as this ties into what was the current origin for Valkyrie: "...created full grown, without a past, by the Enchantress's magic--and inhabits the body of Barbara Denton--a person she never knew." Amora and Skurge split, although not before the Thing gives him a couple good shots, but their plan had fallen through: Ben figured, the magic harmonica from the previous chapter was probably out of juice. He moves to help Val, who was torn up with grief over the death of the father she didn't know, and she tells him she would do this alone. He's a little hurt, but then decides he might as well go home, until Doctor Strange's astral form appears, to tell him there was still danger. Yeah, yeah, whatever: Ben takes a nap, waiting for Strange and another friend of Val's to show.

Val brings her father's body to the police station, unaware that a local snitch has also seen her. Although it had apparently been a couple years since Barbara Denton had been home, the locals still recognize her and treat Val as such. The police chief seems nice enough, helping her to her old house and letting her in with a spare key; but also lets slip that Barbara had been married! Meanwhile, the Thing is awakened, but not by Reed Richards, but by Doctor Strange and Nighthawk! Ben hadn't met Nighthawk before, and the latter grouses a bit about the non-team team nature of the Defenders, with a roster of whoever felt like showing up that day...and at her house, Val is attacked by a caped figure with zappy-hands. Hey, this copy still has the MODOK Marvel Value Stamp! Nice.

In the front yard of Val's house, the Thing and Nighthawk fall through a trapdoor: the snitch is there, but alarmed that he got those two and not Strange. Still, Ben can't climb out of the electrified walls, and was too big for Nighthawk to carry. Worse, the snitch disappears, and he snagged the magic harmonica! With some mystic force blocking his way, Strange enters the front door, and finds a portrait of a woman who resembles an older Val: Celestia, which was the name inscribed on the harmonica as well. Strange also gets zapped by the caped creep, and trussed up on a sacrificial altar with Val, by worshippers of the Nameless Ones, included the grotesquely deformed Celestia, who was more than willing to sacrifice her daughter for power and beauty.

Ben and Nighthawk get free, and wade into the cultists and Nameless Ones, while the narration explains all of this had been going on since way back in Incredible Hulk #126. (Which I might have a reprint of handy! Sooner or later.) Events had piled up to turn Barbara into Valkyrie and maybe use her power to unleash the Nameless Ones, but nobody planned on the appearance of the Thing! Ben gets the harmonica from Celestia and destroys it, then frees Val and Strange. Celestia turns to ashes, the Nameless Ones don't fully manifest, and Strange hypnotizes the cultists to...leave? Turn themselves in? Jump in a lake? While this might have been deeply traumatizing for everyone involved, Strange still feels like they eked out a win today. This wrapped up pretty quickly, and feels more like a Two-in-One than a Defenders, which might be why I like it a little more? The next issue blurb teases Val's husband, problems for Nighthawk, and the Headmen; so the return to usual. Read more!

"Finds."

That's probably not a Farnsworth Parabox...well, maybe. How much of Ch'od's sale stuff does he have no idea what it is? It might not be a high percentage, but there's a few.

Secret Invasion--the show--was like the first Marvel show that really fell flat for me: the others might have had some off-moments here and there, but this one...I'm not 100% sure I've ever read all of Secret Invasion the comic, either. Fury might be being generous in his estimation of Skrull good guys to dicks, since I thought they were pretty firmly indoctrinated; but there are probably aspects of their culture that haven't really been explored or established.  Am I gonna complain about Secret Invasion every time we see Fury or a Skrull? I hope not, but...

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That hideous skull really brings the room together, J'onn.

This issue had kind of a striking cover, and I also didn't remember J'onn had a solo book for so long: from 2001, Martian Manhunter #32, "Bloodworms of Mars!" Story and art and cover by Tom Mandrake.

As detective John Jones, J'onn helps out an old friend with a crime scene investigation: four murders, with acid, and a giant tunnel dug out of the street...actually, the weird thing is, they're treating that like a crime scene and haven't called in the National Guard! Changing form, J'onn investigates, following the tunnel and finding a long-abandoned White Martian base. He finds evidence that they were experimenting, with the dread "B'ool Sporath," the Bloodworms of Mars! A scourge that dissolved White and Green Martian alike, to drink the remains; a menace so horrible the two races had put aside their ancient grudges to defeat them. Some White Martians saved some, probably to use in later atrocities, but either lost them, or were able to wipe out the Greens without them.

J'onn realizes while Martians had been completely dissolved by the Bloodworms, humans were merely skeletonized; so he forms a bony exoskeleton armor to protect himself while he carries the worms into low orbit, where they would burn up on re-entry. He then finds a single Bloodworm egg remaining, and can't bring himself to wipe out a species, so he puts it in his secret base, along with the remains of the others, reminding himself he was "a creature of the red sands," a Martian even if earth was his home.

Of course J'onn finds White Martian stuff: if it had been Kryptonian or Thanagarian or something, it would've been somebody else's problem! This was Mandrake's last issue, although he would still do some covers; but only four issues remained. That would be almost a Martian Manhunter: Year One story, "In My Life," set while he lived on Mars and fought Apokolips...! Read more!

Sure she's more than Nightcrawler's sister-slash-girlfriend, but still.

I also wish I had the previous issue handy, but we make do. From 1983, Doctor Strange #58, "...At Loose Ends!" Written by Roger Stern, pencils by Dan Green, inks by Terry Austin.

This was wrapping up, to some degree, some old plotlines and starting a new one; as Strange's astral form solves a mystery from previous issues: who had spread the word that Clea had left Strange without an apprentice? That was due to the Aged Genghis, although it wasn't done with malice, just senility. Advanced senility. Somehow, despite Strange's master being known as the Ancient One, the Aged Genghis may have been older and quite possibly pre-dated dirt. As seen this issue, he was unable to even feed himself anymore, which wasn't because he was infirm--he was--but he was a cosmic level of scatterbrained. Still, he had been able to sense Strange no longer had an apprentice, so he sent some would-be followers to go bug Strange, since apprentices, who needs that nonsense? Not him! Now, where were my apprentices...lazy bastards, never around when they're needed...

Only a couple of wannabes actually had power, though: Jimaine Szardos, better known as Amanda Sefton; and her mother Margali. Jimaine had tried for the apprenticeship, whether or not Strange intended to offer it to anyone; then Margali had attacked Strange for denying Jimaine. Strange freed Margali from a wand that seemed to be controlling her, returning her to a plain, aged woman; as opposed to the weird horns she often had, and she seemed contrite and glad to be free...which might have been an act. Her mystic power was from something called "the Winding Way," and seemed to involve ups and downs, and possibly mood swings. (Amanda also usually dressed more modernly than she does here; but I liked her kinda generic but still sexy sorceress outfit the previous issue.)

Strange gets Jimaine and Margali on their way back to Europe, then checks the Orb of Agamotto to make sure the reality was doing OK: it was, but what of the Dark Dimension? Should he check that out, or is that too stalker-y...? Strange wisely knows he can't, because that might tip off Umar, and ruin Clea's rebellion against her. After a sparring session with Wong, Strange's business manager, Sara Wolfe, has something for him: her friend Douglas Royce had been killed, seemingly reduced to ashes; and so far Strange hadn't been able to figure out how or why. Sara had received a letter from Douglas's lawyer, asking her to meet at Douglas's apartment--in the the Dakota Apartments, which is creepy enough--and after dark, for, um, reasons. It seems legit, but Strange still agrees to go with her, cancelling a date with his current girlfriend, Morgana.

Three seconds after meeting the lawyer, Strange knows something is up, and shines the Eye of Agamotto on him, revealing he had no shadow. (Ever? Or just under that light?) The lawyer throws a desk at Strange, but is then wrapped up by Strange's magic, and burned by the light again. (Strange should get a free shot at anyone that calls him "Mr. Wizard"!) But, upon further examination, Strange realizes there was no reason for the fight, and the 'lawyer' gives up his real name: Hannibal King, private detective...and vampire. He was also working the case of Douglas's murder, which probably tied into the resurrection of none other than Dracula... 

Man, Doctor Strange was bi-monthly back then, and this storyline ran until #62: this issue was on the racks just after New Year's 1983 and you would've had to wait until August for the conclusion! That probably wasn't uncommon, but still feels like a long wait.

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I had this issue on DVD-ROM, but of course I'll grab one from the quarter bins: from 1977, Star Trek #48, "Murder on the Enterprise" Written by Arnold Drake, story consultant Doug Drexler, art by Al McWilliams.

This was late enough in Gold Key's run that the artists were probably able to see episodes in reruns for visual reference; but while the Enterprise is well-rendered, instead of the traditional shuttle they've got...some kind of Fisher-Price space-plane. Huh. Also, we'd already seen a murder on the Enterprise in "Journey to Babel." This time, an illustrious scientist was on his way back to present a major scientific discovery but is murdered, but by who? His assistant? The Andorian with an unspecified grudge? The female scientist with a likewise unspecified complaint? They might or might not have been a couple at some point, but I can't tell if my copy here was missing some pages, or maybe just didn't fill in every little detail. Going to the DVD-ROM, it was the latter.

But, conveniently enough, the DVD-ROM included the ads, because somebody cut a panel out of the Hulk Twinkie ad in mine! The "now Hulk fight like savage!" panel was neatly clipped out of the quarter-bin copy; I hope someone liked it.  Read more!

Imagine an episode of the TV show, that ended with smoldering wreckage and zero survivors.

Funny, I would've been reading the book regularly; but I have no recollection of this issue, nor do I remember what happened to a character returning here: well, I guess that's why I have this thing, isn't it? To remind me to piece it together later. From 1996, Incredible Hulk #443, "Then and Now" Written by Peter David, pencils by Angel Medina, inks by Robin Riggs.

Rick Jones's granddaughter Janis from the future of um, Future Imperfect returns to the present, in Alaska, and starts tracking the Hulk. She was followed by a bounty hunter, Quarry; but the fight is momentarily delayed by a forest fire; set by a troubled young woman, Robbie. When she gets to a trapper's lodge, with her dad and fiancé, Robbie tries to shift the blame to Janis; who pretty quickly realizes the fiancé wasn't just quick with his fists with her. Quarry arrives and murders all of the trappers, with a little gun called a devastator. He takes a shot that Janis dodges, and the Hulk gets it directly in the face: Quarry had never seen anything survive a shot from that, but all it did was make the Hulk a little more irritated.

Quarry isn't particularly worried, since he had all the high-end gear, like some kind of sticky-flame; and the Hulk was dumb, right? Well, he was smart enough to grab the devastator when he was in close. (That's the trouble with a wee, Noisy Cricket-type gun: too easy to lose track of!) Hulk shoots Quarry a few times with it, ignoring his pleas for mercy: Quarry had thought he was a hard man, but getting repeatedly shot with his own gun changed his mind. Hulk then smashes the weapon, and starts to head out. Janis asks him for help, but he refuses, yet still lets her come with him as he leaps away. I thought Quarry maybe survived and appeared again, but I might just be confusing him with some of the other jerks the Hulk fought in David's run, like Trauma or Madman, that maybe didn't quite get to the same level of recurring baddie like the Abomination.

While Robbie had lost her abuser, she mourned her dad, and forgave him for not knowing she was being abused. She burns down the lodge and the bodies, waiting with a fire extinquisher until morning, then "...she turned and went into the woods. And was never again seen by the eyes of man." That...that's not a happy ending. Robbie didn't appear the previous issue, so this issue was all we see of her, and I'm wondering how much of her setting fires was a cry for help, and how much was a murder attempt, to get away from her abuser. But she seemed a little too into the fire, and too quick to make excuses and point fingers...Anyway, next month was part of the Onslaught crossover, of all things: I thought this was post-Heroes Reborn at first glance; since the cover said the Hulk was back, but just from a couple issues off; so I'm not sure why the Hulk was kinda surly here, or how long Janis's plotline went. Read more!