I'm a casual fan, but I swear I've seen him relaunched like eight times.

Old 2000 AD Presents reprints with Dave Gibbons art, the Garth Ennis version, I've never been able to get the last two issues of the 'memoir' from Grant Morrison...I feel like there were more? Maybe if I had full runs of any of those, or of this one. From 2017. Dan Dare #2, "He Who Dares, part two: Fire" Written by Peter Milligan, art by Alberto Foche.

If you aren't familiar with the classic space hero, well, Dan Dare was basically the British Buck Rogers. And not unlike some other early comic strips, the art was high-end, and the storylines lengthy serials. The wiki there details his publishing history; I wasn't entirely aware the 2000 AD version differed so much from the original. His main recurring villain was the Mekon, an alien tyrant with a massive head, who always looked like he couldn't believe he kept getting beat by someone he considered too stupid to work pants. This version wasn't quite the full-scale deconstruction of Morrison's, or the war-is-hell/adventure story of Ennis; but a Dare perhaps a bit past his glory days: with the Mekon defeated and the system at peace, Dare was left with little to do and bored out of his mind. He idly prays for something to happen, and a new alien force invades: the Treen Imperium.

This issue, Dan meets a possible new ally: an alien spitfire, who seems moderately surprised a man could even be a space pilot; but he almost seems smitten with her already for having the spirit he felt he had lost. Kind of feels like Dan's midlife crisis there. Also, while the Mekon seems like a former foe this issue, there's a pretty good chance he wasn't anywhere near reformed and probably invited the Treen there. He was absolutely that bitch; even if there's an Elton John song that mentions him! Read more!

I swear I've barely been able to stay awake all day; let's see if this issue helps! Three thousand dead before we even get started, that's something. From 1979, John Carter, Warlord of Mars #20, "Battle at the Bottom of the World!" Written by Chris Claremont, art by Ernie Colon.

This was chapter five of "The Master Assassin of Mars," which didn't appear to be an adaptation of an Edgar Rice Burroughs' story, but Claremont nails the usual plot: John and Dejah Thoris visit a new area of Mars, and meet another new race, locked in mortal combat with another tribe or group. This time it's the (mostly) winged Crovars vs. the apish Ptothians: the Crovars have more civilization, but don't seem great, either. Their leader Chan Tomar has claimed Dejah, and enjoys rubbing John's nose in it. They sacrifice about three thousand men, in a distraction, to destroy the Ptothian supply camp. John survives, with his ally Garthon, because he had kept hidden his earthling strength, and leaps to safety like the Hulk! John's been pretty impressed with Garthon's bravery, but Garthon's dad, a winged Crovar, is less so: bad enough his kid didn't have wings, he also preferred poetry and gardening to battle.

To escape the Crovar city Karanthor, John was rigging improvised climbing equipment, for an eight-mile climb! Which would be tough enough for him, he had some experience; but Dejah wouldn't have. Garthon approaches John with another option: he had been planning to leave for the surface of Barsoom (Mars!) with a slave girl, through a volcanic shaft. John goes to get Dejah, who is being attacked by Chan Tomar: he hadn't minded her playing hard-to-get for a while, but was done waiting. John tears into him, and gets wingslapped for it: Tomar has him on the ropes the whole fight, but after John connects once, it's all over. Dejah and John are reunited, but the moment is stepped on by the arrival of Tomar's guards.

I thought the next issue would be the conclusion, but not only do John and Dejah not escape then, but there were seven chapters to go! Twelve parts is probably a short serial for John Carter but seems almost interminably long for a Marvel book of the time. Read more!

See, this is why you don't set up autopay!

If slackassery could save the earth from an alien invader, rest assured I'm there for you like that. From 1976, Weird Wonder Tales #17, which opens with "I Was Captured by the Creature from Krogarr!" Reprinted from 1961's Tales to Astonish #25, written by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Dick Ayers.

This was a fairly standard monster number: a lazy sod of a new husband isn't adapting well to married life, when he's contacted by an alien from the planet Krogarr, through his television set. The alien gives the hubby instructions to rewire his set as a transmitter, so he could come to earth, but his intentions were less than friendly: the creature captures the hubby, and brings him back to Krogarr, as proof of his teleportation technology, which his people had scoffed at. Krogarr isn't the most hospitable planet, with gladitorial fights and slavery; but the hubby is saved when he mysteriously fades away back to earth. The Krogarrians kill the creature and smash his stupid machine, while the hubby is scolded by his wife, for not paying the power bill: when the power went out, he was brought home. Which...is kind of dumb.

Also this issue: "First Moon-walk," retitled and reprinted from 1954's Men's Adventures #26, with art by Gene Colan! Two childhood rivals spend their entire lives striving and exceeding, to beat each other, eventually taking their competition into space: both privately fund a rocket, to be the first to get to the moon, then both sabotage the other's rocket when they get there. And, another Venus story: "The Mad Mountain!" from 1952's Venus #18, story and art by Bill Everett. Venus is in a passenger plane crash, which all the passengers survive, but they find themselves in a weird valley, with creepy plant-men. The other passengers are all killed in a landslide, but Venus survives and makes it back to civilization, but is then told that plane disappeared twenty years ago, and she wasn't on it! What--but--so....Venus's guy-pal mansplains, weird crap like that always happens to her, no point in worrying her pretty little head about it. Actually, that's probably more on the page count than mansplaining, but same end result. Read more!

I'll be tired if I wanna be, comic.

I don't know that anyone would even notice, but it bothers me that I honestly don't read as many comics as I used to. Part of that is just time spent dicking around online, but honestly a big part of it is my vision. I don't need my glasses to work, use my desktop, bike, or drive; but I do need them to read comics comfortably. Kind of hate it; I know it's caused me to read less. Worse, I don't have prescription 3-D glasses, so this issue was doubly a pain in the ass: from 1984, Three Dimensional! Alien Worlds #1, stories written by Bruce Jones, 3-D process by Ray Zone. Cover by Joe Chiodo.

My copy didn't come with the glasses, but luckily, I had my MST3K Kingavision glasses handy, and by wearing those over my regular specs I was able to read most of this, although a couple spots the lettering seemed a bit light? But, if I hadn't tried it, I would've missed some good art! Starting with Jim Sullivan and Dave Stevens on "Fair Play," as a young newlywed is sick and tired of "roughing it" on an untamed jungle planet. She opts to give her hubby a second chance, but there's been some changes...Very Frazetta looking art there. 

John Bolton draws "Field Drill," in which a future drill instructor has had about enough, but a field exercise that goes bad might change his mind. Next is "Gifts," with art by Bill Wray: an alien couple want to finish their mission so they can get on with their honeymoon. Said mission being, to wipe out the dinosaurs, and give the mammals a shot at the planet.

Then, a surprise: "Away Off There Amid the Softly Winking Lights," with art by Arthur Adams! A cranky researcher feels like he's wasting his life building training environments instead of going into space, and that's before he gets his cancer diagnosis. That silent panel there is more character work than Adams is known for; it's short but nice work. 

Finally, there's "Spaceman, Go Home!" Art by Rand Holmes. A space pilot has a crash landing and then amnesia, but has a lucky break when he finds a mysterious device that seems able to make anything he wants. Mostly huge-breasted babes. Is it too good to be true? Of course, but it's not the only thing not true there. 

 Even the ads were 3-D in this one! Hope you've got your glasses--3-D or otherwise--handy.

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"Disappointed."

And we see the full Serpent Society today...such as it is. Kurt is trying to get their goat with that "Sausage Society" crack, but he's right: it's a little odd that not a single female member of the team has been made...unless you count Viper; and I don't. She pulled a hostile takeover of the group and I wouldn't consider her a "member" as such. Of course, we don't have Sidewinder either. The original one was a Wisconsin native, like his creator Mark Gruenwald! Sidewinder lost leadership to King Cobra, then later retired, and there's been two new Sidewinders since. Read more!

If you hurry, Humble Bundle and Dark Horse are having a killer deal on Eerie Comics: get a massive collection of them, for like $18! (More if you wanna chip in for whatever!) This issue, might be in there, but I randomly found it while cleaning up today, so better go now! From 1978, Eerie #94.

This issue opens with a rather low-key crossover--I would've thought guest-stars like Vampirella and Pantha would be hyped up! They were going to visit the time-traveller known as the Rook, to see if they could catch a ride back to when Pantha's ancestors first visited earth, and get out of there. But before they can do that, the Rook is dealing with an energy-draining alien weapon called an Annihilator, and they were going to have to travel back in time to stop it before it was placed. (Did the Rook solve every problem with time-travel?) Pretty sure Vampi and Pantha's origins have been retconned multiple times since this one. (Story by Bill Dubay, art by Luis Bermejo.)

Next, another serialized story, chapter three of "Honor and Blood." A vampire witch takes a demon husband, and has a baby, that she apparently needed a human doctor to deliver? The doctor, Hopkins, notices the signs of the vampire in the baby; but didn't notice that the mom was dead? Hopkins cites a completely made-up obscure legend, that if he can feed the baby dirt from the grave of a vampire, he can remove the curse, and does. He also fights vampire mom until sun-up when she melts, and then raises the baby as his own. Great, all's swell that ends swell--aw, we're only three pages in? There's another chapter, but nothing's going to end well for anybody. (Story by Nicola Cuti, art by Leo Duranona.)

I had been expecting more one-off horror tales like the next one: in "Dead Man's Ship," a captain on his first voyage to China encounters a derelict ship with a dead crew...that might be his own. Is he trapped in a loop, or is there another explanation? (Story by Nicola Cuti, art by Isidro Mones.) "Divine Wind" doesn't credit a writer, but features the art of Esteban Maroto, who I recognize from some Conan work. (EDIT: Hey, we just did another horror comic with a story with the same title! In the 11th century, the Mongol hordes invade Japan, but both sides are at a disadvantage: the samurai were unused to that type of fighting, while the Mongols were typically mounted. Still, the body count is rising on both sides, before the monsoons wipe anyone left out.

"Don't Drink the Water" is mostly senseless violence; then...sigh..."Bruce Bloodletter of the IRS," a space-adventure parody. Then, a bunch of ads for neat crap, Warren mags were usually good for that! Read more!

Pros: This comic has got a great feel. 68-pages, good heft to it. Joe Kubert cover! Cons: This is From Beyond the Unknown #7, a 1970 reprint book of 50's/60's sci-fi tales that probably weren't super-coherent when they were first published, either. The "All-New Spectacular!" story was a retooled Major Matt Mason strip with new names, and it's mainly Glenn getting his mission and beating his second-in-command into shape. The sergeant, Tempest, apparently thought if he mouthed off enough, he could get out of that cotton-picking assignment; how he was going to do that while on route to the moon is anybody's guess.

"The Menace of Saturn's Rings!" reprints a Gardner Fox/Carmine Infantino story from 1958's Strange Adventures #96. Aliens from Saturn, move that planet's rings around earth, melting the polar ice caps...much to the consternation of what appears to be a moose and a yak on the splash page. I think the ice caps are melted in the story, causing untold destruction: untold, because the story instead focuses on American science-men destroying the rings and putting the aliens in their place. Yeah, feel like that's not going to be the last of that theme this issue...

"Next Year--Andromeda!" is a silly one, but makes me sad: a young space cadet on an alien world tries to capture a teleporting animal called a Kyolan, in the hopes of learning its secrets. But, there was only one left, since it's food source had been wiped out in a blight: the way that's explained, the last Kyolan drove away all the others fighting over the last bush of berries, which doesn't seem like a great way to propagate the species. The cadet ingeniously deduces how the Kyolan teleports along magnetic lines and captures it; which leads to the accidental discovery that the Kyolans were maintaining the magnetic balance of the planet: he has to let it go, but at least discovered what would be needed to save the planet. The Kyolan was going to go extinct, though. (Gardner Fox and Sid Greene, from 1963's Mystery in Space #85.)

"Do Not Open Till Doomsday!" features strange orbs and weird trees granting wishes and jewels all over earth, but are they a boon, or a trap? (From 1953's Strange Adventures #36, story by Sid Gerson, art by Carmine Infantino and Bernard Sachs.) "World at the Edge of the Universe!" follows a young Earth student on a tour of the universe, as part of the recently joined United Worlds; but he feels like an ignorant hillbilly compared to geniuses from other worlds. Luckily, disaster befalls them, and it's up to earth know-how to get them out of it. What a surprise, no way...(From 1955's Strange Adventures #60, story by Otto Binder, art by Sy Barry.)

"The Twice-Told Tale!" is a bit of a downer: a writer finished his historical novel, to great acclaim, then is accused of plagarizing it word-for-word, from a book from 1780. Disgraced, the writer tries to prove his innocence, and finds a tattered and crumbling diary from the supposed original author; who had built a time machine, traveled to the future, took a copy of the author's book as proof he had made the trip, but his time machine exploded after he returned. Daunted at the thought of rebuilding his machine, the time-traveler was reduced to trying to pass the book off as his own, and even that didn't sell. Worse, the diary crumbles with age before the author can show anyone, leaving him to ask the reader if anyone would believe his story. (From 1952's Strange Adventures #27, story by Jack Miller, art by Gil Kane and Joe Giella.)

Lastly, the basis for the cover, "The Giant from Beyond!" From 1959's Strange Adventures #101, written by Gardner Fox, art by Mike Sekowsky and Frank Giacoia. Two kids argue over the merits of fantasy/fairy tales vs. sci-fi, while a giant alien seemingly drops a bean from space, climbs down the giant beanstalk that grows from it, and starts harvesting sap or whatever from it. Of course, a brave army type has to stop that, since the alien's taking valuable American minerals! Lazy sod doesn't even climb the beanstalk, he jumps from a helicopter. Despite having to enter a world where our physical laws didn't work, he still manages to sabotage the aliens, then has the bright idea of suffocating the still-growing beanstalk, by putting a plexiglass shield around it. I...I don't know much about plexiglass fabrication, but that seems more than a little iffy, although I suppose it still gets points for having a solution other than "nuke it," which might've been a standard then. Read more!

I thought I might have this reprinted or collected somewhere, but no, I maybe have just bought it multiple times. And it's a grabber, for sure. From 1975, Kamandi, the Last Boy on Earth #35, "The Soyuz Survivor!" Written and drawn by Jack Kirby, inks by D. Bruce Berry. Joe Kubert cover!

The last boy on earth, is not on earth today; as Kamandi and Dr. Canus are in orbit with their new friend, "that alien fireball, pretty Pyra." Canus is freaking out a little bit: Pyra was an energy being, who could "wear" a humanoid shape, but it wasn't comfortable, hence the little trip in her ship. But, they soon see something more interesting: an ancient spaceship--well, from before the Great Disaster, at least. A Soviet Soyuz, to be precise. Canus forgets his fears and wants to explore it, and after airing the Soyuz back up, they board it, and find a dead cosmonaut, strangely in the lotus position. Dead? No, Pyra notes, he was still alive...Pyra introduces a bit of energy to the cosmonaut, then the trio step away to explore the rest of the ship, so they don't see this bit of nightmare fuel:

The mutated cosmonaut attacks Canus and Kamandi, seemingly now boneless, and secreting acid for defense. Canus is injured, before Pyra flames on to drive the creature away; and Kamandi realizes while he might sometimes resent Canus for not being the last of his kind, he still cares deeply for him. Pyra plays a flight recorder--noting she "unscrambled" it so Kamandi could understand it, which probably means translating it from Russian! The Soyuz crew could see whatever the Great Disaster was hit, and assumed it was nuclear war; then debated what to do next: Vassilov, the cosmonaut that was mutated, argues they have to obey their final order; but their ship was hit by shock waves, and probably radiation, from the Disaster.

Vassilov attacks again, and Pyra simply melts a hole for them to get back to her ship. Alone again, Vassilov pulls himself into a vaguely more human shape, then starts work on his final order: arming a doomsday weapon. But, the radiation and age had "long since rotted the parts to harmless junk" yet he would remain in orbit fiddling with it, probably forever...

This was only an 18-page story, which might've been the standard for the book, but feels a bit short. Kamandi could maybe have had something to do in his own book, too; but I don't think he often had a lot of control of where he was going. But, the imagery in this one...creepy stuff, a tool I don't think Kirby used often, but could. I wasn't quite getting comics off the spinner rack when this came out, but I'm also kind of glad I waited! Read more!

I got the new Marvel Legends Tarantula figure a bit ago, and while he's pretty far down the list of Spidey villains, it's not his first figure: per OAFE.net, he's gotten figures in 2009 and 1997. I mention that, because this classic foe has never gotten anything! Granted, that was about three seconds of looking, but he didn't appear to have ever gotten a Heroclix, a Minimate, anything; but he is in this fun tribute to Mike Wieringo: From 2008, Spider-Man Family #7, "Looter's Quest" Plot by Karl Kesel, Todd DeZago, and Mark Waid; pencils and inks by Karl Kesel and others, script by Todd DeZago and Mark Waid.

The Looter, Norton G. Fester, first appeared in 1966's Amazing Spider-Man #36, and feels more Steve Ditko than Stan Lee: a crackpot stumbles into a weird meteor and gets powers, hijinks ensue. I don't know if he always talked to his meteor, or if that was a recent addition; he was never one of the most prevalent of Spidey's bad guys. (Aside: I might need to read Web of Spider-Man #39, where he apparently steals Aunt May's engagement ring?) Today, the Looter's trying to be a good...friend to his meteor, and recover its (her?) "long-lost missing twin!" Spidey stops him at a museum, pointing out the only place to get the tracking equipment that could maybe find something like that would be the Baxter Building. The Looter then accidentally drops a hostage, whom Spidey saves, but the Looter is long gone, and Spidey has a pretty good idea where...

Spidey tries to warn the FF, but when the Torch goes to let him in on the roof, the Looter hits them with a "flash gun" which is a nice Ditko touch: Blue Beetle had one of those! Reed is mildly surprised the Looter had the wherewithal to use his complicated equipment: Looter claims to be a scientist, which Spidey doubts, and that the meteor increased his intelligence as well, which Spidey also doubts. Johnny, glancing things over, notes the twin meteor probably landed in the Savage Land; and the Looter sneaks off and swipes Ben's sky-cycle for the trip!

Perhaps wisely, Reed and Sue opt out of the trip to the Savage Land, leaving Spidey, Ben and Johnny; who discover the Looter trying to parley with another obscure Spidey bad-guy: Stegron, the Dinosaur Man! (Stegron had a 1998 Toy Biz action figure that I'm legitimately surprised I don't think I've ever owned; part of a villain wave called "The Vault" that included Ultron and Typhoid Mary, and each character came with restraints!) Ka-Zar and Shanna also show up: amusingly, Spidey seems way happier to see Shanna, which is understandable. They have to fight to save the Looter, who punches out Devil Dinosaur (!) to try and get the twin, but he instead finds what Spidey recognizes as the "Sphere of Sarakath," a mystical doodad that gave him and Dr. Strange the hassle once, in another Mike Wieringo issue! Ka-Zar suggests, maybe the Looter should consult with Strange about the meteor, and Ben knows what's coming: the Looter escapes again, through a portal. At Strange's Sanctum, Strange also appears to give the Looter the benefit of the doubt, and uses the Eye of Agamotto to track the twin meteor...to Europe somewhere...Latveria!

The Looter makes an attempt to swipe the Fantasticar for the next leg of his trip, but Reed and Strange had consulted on this one: the Fantasticar takes him to the Baxter Building again, where he's stopped by an Invisible Woman force field. They want to study the meteor, and see if they can break the Looter's delusions; but they're interrupted by the arrival of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents airdropping in, to take the Looter and the meteor into custody, for top-secret hush-hush reasons. But while he's being taken away, Reed lets slip if there was a twin to his meteor, it probably landed on the moon... 

There are precedents for sentient objects in the Marvel Universe: the first to come to mind is Green Lantern ring knockoff the Power Prism, of Doctor Spectrum; but there has to be others. I don't think the reader is ever privy to what, if anything, the meteor communicates to the Looter, so it makes him look really crazy, but is he? ...yes, he's a nut!

Also this issue: reprints of Venom: Lethal Protector #1, and Spider-Man: Death and Destiny #1. The latter was written and drawn by Lee Weeks, and was a sad story set around the death of George Stacy. There was also the manga-style "Spider-Man J" story "The Moth and the Flame."

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"Debutante."

We break from our usual title formatting this episode: it's "Debutante" as we're introduced to society--the Serpent Society! Who we don't see all of this episode--and by "all of," I mean all that have been made so far, in the slowest rollout in the history of about anything. And yet, behind Cobra--King Cobra--we have the DC Universe Classic Kobra, to shore up the numbers. I supposedly have the DCUC Copperhead somewhere, I don't know why he's not in there as well! Also, I know there are some Masters of the Universe Snake Men that might fit the bill for that job; pity they don't seem to be available just yet.

I also continue to be surprised and appalled Diamondback hasn't gotten a figure yet, since she would probably work on one of the usual female bodies--I feel like she's slightly more petite than Ms. Marvel/Moonstone--and a new headsculpt and some paint. Ooh, masked and unmasked would be great. I seem to recall the Serpent Society was maybe slated for the next Captain America movie, so maybe there'll be some then. 

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